To more 10 hours of sleep

STORY BY FRANCESCA ALEXIS AMOR LUYA

ON the night of February 25th, I called a friend. On the 4th of March, I told my mom I had made it.

Two days after the awarding of the Division Press Conference, I still remember everything- the feeling of suspense, the wait, the agitation, the hope, the sadness, the relief- all put under my best to hold it all in. I can recall it all; everything. And it’s like carved on my skin, stuck in my mind, and etched in my heart.

I ask myself until now- why? How?

I can’t fully wrap my head around the answers- but I figured it’s because I took my heart with me every step of the way. I carried it through the sleeplessness, the mental blocks, the aching bodies, the fevers, the rewrites, the last one to close the doors, and the bests. I figured that in times I had almost given up and laid rock bottom, it was with me. It slept with me during training. It came with me with each critique. It walked with me out of school. It rode the tricycles with me going home. It was with me every time- each one.

It was there when I started- when I joined with Athea- when I was first late- when I first couldn’t make it in training- when Athea couldn’t attend anymore- it was always there. It was there when I was losing myself and when I was pushing myself alone, without my best friend.

It was there whenever I fell asleep on my laptop doing school works. It was there when I missed so many classes and stayed up all night to catch up on everything. It was there when my lips were drying- when my eyes were sore- when my spirit was falling- and when it rose again.

It stayed when my dad would yell at me to get in my head how everything was not worth it. It also stayed until my dad was proud of me. It stayed when my dad would refuse to let me go to train because he was worried endlessly. But it also remained to see my dad let me.

It stayed with my mommy, who never failed to remember my training and competition dates. From Thailand- and now, Canada- she never once forgot. My heart witnessed all of it.

With that, somehow, I understand why and how. It’s just that I might need to write a whole book to let it all sink into my head.

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