Ashes of Shame

THEY laughed as he walked ahead to the corridor. He heard murmurs that covered the school. All eyes were on him, all ears were on him. Only on him.

The school was filled with gossip, gender roles he must've said.

How about his/her gender identity?

He identified himself as a woman. He sees, feels, and acts as a woman. Yet, the school itself made a fuss about it. With religious ideas like being Catholic, they had an alibi that no one believed.

He walked confidently while keeping his chin up, despite the eyes that kept following him. He had long, black, and silky hair while wearing a polo shirt that served as his school uniform. And in the afternoon, the school decided to announce that they would strictly check the haircut of the girls and especially the boys. He wanted to object, yet he stayed quiet. And the silence was loud.

Hair Policy & Cross-dressing

Many students argued in this situation, including the learners of Divine Grace School. Other students wanted to have hair colors. They agreed that some of the students included in LGBTQIA+ family would have the opportunity to maintain and grow their hair, as long and as short as they wanted.

Some of the students also believe that their fellow students must have a chance to wear what kind of school uniform they would like to wear.

Yet, the number of students together with the teachers about this matter is equal.

School of thought

“If they feel like they should wear it, dapat walang pipigil sa kanila.

Kung alam ng tao na hindi naman sila straight, dapat expect nila na gano’n yung susuotin nila.” As explained by Bianca Faith Casipe, a Grade 10 student.

STORY BY ALTHESA JENNIFER TARIGA

She also mentioned that Hair Policy goes as well as Cross-Dressing, she explained that if people appear to be part of LGBTQIA+, people should expect and normalize their appearance on what boosts their confidence.

In addition to that, “hindi naman nakakaapekto yung hair policy sa pag-aaral nung bata eh,” conforming to a fellow student.

Apart from that, there was also a Pearl of Wisdom from Jhonel Cortezano, MAPEH Educator of DGS.

“As a member of LGBTQ community, ang gusto lang naman namin is pantay na pagtrato, pantay na karapatan. Na kung ano yung trato sa tunay na gender, yung mga straight, gano’n din yung gusto namin kung pano kami itrato. Yun lang yung gusto namin.” From the point of view of Cortezano. Shoot one’s mouth off

The class is about to end, still they haven’t worn out. Lots of students shoot one’s mouth off especially when he passes by.

Careless whispers surround the whole school. Again, all eyes were on him. He then remembers “Eyes have a language of their own”. Endless questions, confusion, mixed emotions were all in his head. He was like a volcano waiting to erupt. He went to the barbershop after a long day. He finally made a decision to cut his long, black, and silky hair. In his mind, he respects and obeys the school’s hair policy— so in return, all he really wanted was peace and the ability to express himself freely regardless of her gender.

We are in a constitution

As explained by Cortezano, “As a teacher and as a part ng LGBTQ, mas ok pa rin na karespe-respeto pa rin tignan yung mga kapwa, kapwa ko na LGBTQ. So syempre, hindi naman ibig sabihin na LGBTQ ka, papagbigyan ka na sa kung ano yung gusto mo.”

He also mentioned that we are in a constitution wherein we have School Rules or School Policies that must be observed. “Susunod tayo doon sa kung ano yung pinapatupad na batas.”

Fruitful existence

When all is said and done, he laid down and thought about the LGBTQIA+ family. He realized that being true to himself is worthy and being who he really was, makes his life fruitful.

When it had reached me, I didn’t mind. Actually, I didn’t care. That was someone else’s life, after all, and I didn’t feel like I had a say. It was a choice they made.

But everyone was so determined to find out more. They saw the grade 11 student as some sort of big celebrity— in a way, he is

Many students have snuck some public display of affection before, hiding in closed spaces, tight paths, and in each other’s arms where teachers would not see. And they got away with it, because no one had ever caught them.

At the time, I didn’t understand– because how could they shower someone with so much hatred for something that seems so normal from the external perspective– from a wider point of view? Truly, I have heard worse.

Then slowly, as the night got longer, the rumor burned brighter. It lit the night for class group chats, friend groups, and a few circles far from the school.

It had been publicized that the senior high school student was already in romantic involvement with someone and that he had more than just kissed the girl he was with in that cubicle.

Sweat, a top– and perhaps bare skin, were the traces they left in that bathroom. These traces were hard enough to cover up in the small space they were enclosed in. It was much harder as the girl was allegedly on top.

Then, after some time, people found out who the girl was. They stalked her accounts, went through her story collections, and skimmed through previous posts.

“Just because you and your girlfriend had sorted out your problems, you act like I never meant anything to you,” was one of them, written in Filipino.

The night didn’t end, and the girl was his ex-girlfriend.

As much as I hated to admit it, I found myself disappointed over something my eyes did not see. I found myself indulging in the very story I refused to listen to at the beginning.