D&Ksuomi Magazine April May by Dksuomi

I was sexually attacked by stepdad at 12 – Deborah Funmi Mupapa

HER ROAD TO MENDING BROKEN LIVES

ising above any form of abuse is usually the most difficult part of being a survivor. It becomes more difficult when the abuse is both phys ical and sexual; as it comes with psychological trauma which sometimes lasts a lifetime. Turning her lemons to lemo nade, Deborah Funmi Mupapa, who was abused physically and sexually by her stepfather at the age of 12, not only found emotional healing which redefined life’s purpose, she also founded ‘Empowerment of African Women’, a branch of D&Ks Foundation operating i n Finland, Congo and Nigeria. With a passion to help women in Africa undergoing similar experiences, Mupapa encourages them to speak out. In this interview, the inspirational speaker and entrepreneur talks about how she was raped consistently by her step father at 12, and how growing up as a rejected child helped to prepare the path she is currently treading.

Funmi Mupapa Did your growing up as a rejected child prepare you for what you are doing today. Yes, my childhood prepared me for what l am doing. I do understand when a woman cries to me because I was robbed of my childhood. I was abused physically and sexually. My mother left me at the tender age of two due to her second marriage issues; consequently I couldn’t enjoy my childhood. I was left with my grandma whom I came to refer to as my mum. At the age of seven, I lost my grandma. This made me lose hope in life as my grandma was like an angel to me. Losing her made me feel empty. Thereafter, my life took a turn for the worse and the whole experience began.

When my grandma died, I was sleeping in a room with her for two days without knowing. I was sleeping with a corpse as I didn’t know the meaning of death at that time. I woke up each morning to play outside and later come back to sleep by her side till people around the village came to check on her because they hadn’t seen her for a couple of days. They found her dead. People started crying but I couldn’t get the 2

meaning of that, I just knew she was sick.

After death dealt me a cruel blow by snatching my grandma, family members from different places had a meeting to decide who would take care of me. Despite all the meetings, no one was ready to take me in. So I had to be put under some temporary care by an unknown family. While under this care, the search for my mother continued. However while living with this family, I faced serious challenges because I was used as a housemaid. I was made to sleep in stores where they kept their firewood and sheep. Sometimes I would be severely beaten and also sometimes I had to eat leftovers and stay without food for days. As far as I can remember, there was a time I had to eat the food left over by the family dog. Abused by stepdad at the age of 12 When I was eventually united with my biological mother at the age of 12, my stepfather didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want me in their house and my mother was powerless to change that course.

This brought more and more suffering even in my motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s house because I was physically and sexually abused by my stepfather. I was so humiliated and l kept asking why I had to experience all these and who could take the pains away from me. I felt like I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t make it anymore in life. Growing up, I felt less of a woman and thought that no man could ever look at me because of all I had been through. Then I was told to keep the abuse within me, but it killed me very single day. Loneliness, pain and despair started to take a toll on me. I thought all my dreams were gone and wondered why I was born in the first place. How did you get over the trauma? Those were very painful moments, but I was somehow inspired to move on; I realized that each day of my life would always present a new chance.

With this I was able to move on and be happy. I also learnt not to look back but always focus on what to come. I also believed I had a mission to show the world how important women are. Education eventually proved to be my only hope and I had to sell boiled eggs and yam to be able to pay my school fees. That was the only thing I had to do, since my step father hated me and he was not ready to pay for my school fees. Thus I had to do everything to make sure I completed my tertiary education. What is the inspiration behind â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Empowerment of African Women?â&#x20AC;&#x2122; Women are faced with many responsibilities and are also faced with a lot of problems such as discrimination and domestic violence. Why? Because the role of women in society has been greatly overseen in the last few decades. However, people now share a 4

different perspective of women and their role in society today. This has been achieved through empowering young girls and women. The D&K Foundationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s empowerment of African women is a non-profit initiative trying to ensure that women regain their rightful and dignified status in the society. Our mission is to empower women thorough microenterprise, education, jobs, skills acquisition etc. We are also working on projects which will help solve problems that affect women and young girls thus allowing them to fully attain their potentials and abilities. To mark my birthday, I am organising an initiative to empower women with micro loan. Participants need a five minutes video presentation, stating their nature of business/business idea and how the business will impact their communities. Final word to anyone out there presently going through abuse and keeping silentâ&#x20AC;Ś

I want them all to know that we cannot continue to keep silent. Breaking the silence is a big medication to your healing process and you have to let go of your past and embrace the new you. Pick up the pieces of your life and reform it to build a new you. There is power in your broken heart; you have the power to change your life. All you have to do is to identify who you are, and remember that before you can have a breakthrough in life, you have to break to be able to be through. If I can make itâ&#x20AC;Ś.you can do better.

By Esther Onyegbula

D&Ksuomi Magazine :Deborah Funmi Magazine is to help women across the Globe to grow in discovering their Strength potential and recognize the opportunity they are carry even though they are to facing different obstacles of life. We are here to connect with them as never before.

epression is a common and serious medical illness that negatively affects how you feel, the way you think and how you act. It is a persistent problem, not a passing one, lasting on average 6 to 8 months. Some of Signs and symptoms of depression include, reduced interest or pleasure in activities previously enjoyed, loss of sexual desire, unintentional weight loss (without dieting) or low appetite, insomnia (difficulty sleeping) or hypersomnia (excessive sleeping), fatigue or loss of energy, impaired ability to think, concentrate, or make decisions, recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or attempt at suicide. It is a fact that depression seems to be common among women than men, it is twice likely to affect women than men and tends to have different contributing causes in women than it does in men. Contributing factors include reproductive hormones, a differing female response to stress, and social pressures that are unique to a womanâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s life experiences. As women, we have many life roles. Mother, wife, employee, friend, healer, caregiver, and the list goes on. The complexity of all of these roles can cause ups and downs throughout life. Some of these mood changes may be due to life events (e.g., getting into an argument with a friend) or may be due to hormones (e.g., pregnancy, menstrual cycle)

Psychological explanations,

Reasons, why women are depressed may include, Family history; Women with a family history of depression may be more at risk. But depression can also happen in women who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have a family history of depression. Stress is another reason, Serious and stressful life events, or the combination of several stressful events, such as trauma, loss of a loved one, a bad relationship, work responsibilities, caring for children and ageing parents, abuse, and

poverty may trigger depression in some people. Women are more ruminative than men, that is, they tend to think about things moreâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;which, though a very good thing, may also predispose them to develop depression. In contrast, men are more likely to react to difficult times with stoicism, anger, or substance misuse. Women are generally more invested in relationships than men. Relationship problems are likely to affect them more, and so they are more likely to develop depression. Another reason why depression is Despite this depression is a treatable mental illness. If you are a woman and suffering from depression, it is best to seek treatment right away to improve your quality of life. The most common treatment options for women suffering from depression include medications and therapy. Diagnosis of depression starts with a consultation with a doctor or mental health specialist.

Women and Depression.

common among women is biological explanations; Compared to men, women are much more subjected to fluctuating hormone levels.

This is especially the case around the time of childbirth and at the menopause, both of which are associated with an increased risk of developing depression.

It is important to seek the help of a health professional to rule out different causes of depression, ensure an accurate differential diagnosis, and secure safe and effective treatment, there may be a physical examination to check for physical causes and coexisting conditions. Questions will also be asked - 'taking a history' - to establish the symptoms, their time course, and so on. One can also manage depression by seeking support, ranging from discussing practical solutions and contributing stresses, to educating family members. Surrounding yourself with healthy, positive people is especially important for coping with symptoms of depression.

IF YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY MEMBERS, OR EVEN COWORKERS ARE CAUSING YOU STRESS OR MAKING YOUR DEPRESSIVE SYMPTOMS WORSE, CONSIDER SPENDING LESS TIME WITH THESE PEOPLE OR REMOVE THEM FROM YOUR LIFE ENTIRELY. FAMILY AND SOCIAL SUPPORT IS CRUCIAL TO BEING ABLE TO COPE AND MANAGE DEPRESSION.

Women and Spirituality Indeed countless studies have indicated that women are more likely to be religious than men, In fact, if you go to most places of worship and decide to do a quick survey or take the statistics of the believers in that church you will find out that women are more as opposed to men. Does this mean that Christianity or any other religion is more appealing to women than to men, and if so, why do you think this is the case? People have come up with many contentions concerning this, given that boys and girls are socialized differently and men and women are still channeled in to different roles, nature and nurture could have played a part in this dynamic. Psychology has tried to give us some of the leading possibilities to why this happens, it could have to do with power and privilege, and the lack thereof. In most societies, men control more money, wealth, and assets than women and tend to have more economic, political, and social power than women. As such, women are more easily excluded, exploited, and discriminated against.

WOMEN AND

SPIRITUALITY .

Perhaps, as a result of this, they are more likely to turn to the consolation of religion. However, let us not ignore the fact that in some countries men are more religious than women at least by some measures. For instance, among Muslims and Orthodox Jews, men are more likely than women to attend worship services at least weekly. But first, let me clarify that there is a difference between being religious and being spiritual, People often confuse spirituality with religion. People can be both religious and spiritual, but it is also possible to be religious without being spiritual or to be spiritual without being religious.

You go to church every Sunday and you say your prayers every day. Does this mean you are a spiritual person? No, being a spiritual person is synonymous with being a person whose highest priority is to be loving to yourself and others. A spiritual person cares about people, animals and the planet. A spiritual person knows that we are all One, and consciously attempts to honor this Oneness. A spiritual person is a kind person. Spiritual resources within women themselves are primarily linked to women's biological, emotional and psychic attributes and abilities. There is perhaps first and foremost the immense resource of suffering as a source of strength to overcome adversity and affliction. There is the pain, the tears, the agony, the immense labor in bringing new life into the world and attending with equally enormous patience to its slow and imperceptible growth. These are the roots for women's resources of compassion, of insight, and ultimately of wisdom. Peace, love, joy and harmony are all fruits of the spirit found in people of spiritual power and presence. They are not qualities uncommon to women but women, by the very essence of their traditional tasks and experience and by the social pressures and constraints put upon them, have often manifested and embodied these qualities to an unprecedented degree. As a woman having a strong spiritual outlook may help you find meaning in lifeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s difficult circumstances. The spiritual practice of recognizing the interconnectedness of all life can also help buffer the pain that comes with difficult experiences. Spiritual practices such as forgiveness

HOW TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION.

Depression is a serious mood disorder characterized by feelings of sadness and loss of interest in activities. It is a persistent problem lasting on average six to eight months and it affects how you feel, think and behave and it can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems; you may feel as if life is not worth living anymore and you may have difficulties in executing your day to day activities. Depression is likely to be caused by a complex combination of genetic, environmental, biological and psychosocial factors. Some of the symptoms of depression include; lack of joy and reduced interest in activities that used to bring happiness to a person, angry outbursts, irritability or frustration even in small matters, sleep disturbances including insomnia or sleeping too much, tiredness and lack of energy, anxiety, agitation or restlessness and unexplained physical problems such as back pain or headaches.

What can we do when we feel hopeless, devastated, fatigued, unmotivated and overwhelmed? Most importantly it is crucial to remind ourselves to focus our time and energy on taking care of ourselves. Overcoming depression is not something you do in a blink of an eye and sadly most people who suffer from depression never seek treatment for it probably because of not having the courage to face change on their own or even fearing of what others may think of them. In order to overcome depression you have to understand what depression really is. This could be achieved through consulting a doctor either a psychiatrist or a psychologist who will administer a variety of tests, conduct a physical examination and an interview so as to verify some of the symptoms of depression. One could also self-evaluate themselves and determine if at all whatever they feel relates to depression and while doing this you can find the root cause of what may be causing you pain in your everyday life. Doctors have narrowed down some of the reasons to why people experience depression and there is a good chance that specific situations happening in your life may be contributing to your poor mood. It could be financial reasons, relationship problems or the loss of a loved What can we do when we feel hopeless, devastated, fatigued, unmotivated and overwhelmed? Most importantly it is crucial to remind ourselves to focus our time and energy on taking care of 10

ourselves. Overcoming depression is not something you do in a blink of an eye and sadly most people who suffer

from depression never seek treatment for it probably because of not having the courage to face change on their own or even fearing of what others may think of them. In order to overcome depression you have to understand what depression really is. This could be achieved through consulting a doctor either a psychiatrist or a psychologist who will administer a variety of tests, conduct a physical examination and an interview so as to verify some of the symptoms of depression. One could also self-evaluate themselves and determine if at all whatever they feel relates to depression and while doing this you can find

reasons to why people experience depression and there is a good chance that specific situations happening in your life may be contributing to your poor mood. It could be financial reasons, relationship problems or the loss of a loved one.

the root cause of what may be causing you pain in your everyday life. Doctors have narrowed down some of the After understanding depression then work towards recovering from it and adopt a behavior which will better able and regulate emotions. You can talk to a doctor about possible treatments, depending on the severity of your illness you may require a combination of medication and psychotherapy. While medication can help relieve symptoms, it is still essential for depressed persons to understand the disorder and develop healthier strategies for coping with it for example writing a journal; it makes you feel more in touch with your thoughts, less alone and more aware of the things that make you happy as well as the things that make you unhappy. It helps you reflect on your depression and feelings and monitor your sensations throughout the day.

ANOTHER WAY ONE CAN RECOVER FROM DEPRESSION HENCE OVERCOMING IT IS BY IMPROVING YOUR LIFE. YOU CAN IMPROVE YOUR LIFE BY ELIMINATING UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS FROM YOUR LIFE; IF THEY ARE CAUSING YOU A LOT OF PAIN, THEN IT IS TIME TO DO AWAY WITH IT AND REBUILD YOUR LIFE BUT IF YOU CANNOT GET RID OF THE PERSON SUCH AS A RELATIVE THEN SPEND AS LITTLE TIME AS POSSIBLE WITH THAT PERSON. AS YOU ELIMINATE TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS ENSURE YOU MAINTAIN THE HEALTHY ONES; SPEND AS MUCH TIME AS YOU CAN HANGING OUT WITH PEOPLE WHO MAKE YOU FEEL POSITIVE ABOUT YOURSELF. FILL YOUR SCHEDULE WITH THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL GOOD; KEEPING A BUSY SCHEDULE WILL FORCE YOU TO STAY FOCUSED AND ACTIVE AND TO OVERCOME DEPRESSION YOUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;VE GOT TO DO THINGS WHICH RELAXES AND ENERGIZES YOU. EATING HEALTHY ALSO COMES IN HANDY WHEN IT COMES TO OVERCOMING DEPRESSION; WHAT YOU EAT HAS A DIRECT IMPACT ON THE WAY YOU FEEL, REDUCE YOUR INTAKE ON FOODS THAT CAN ADVERSELY AFFECT YOUR BRAIN AND MOOD SUCH AS ALCOHOL.

Healthy living among women

ome biological, sociocultural and risky environmental factors have to an extent compromised the general wellbeing of women around the globe. However, making a conscious decision to embrace healthy lifestyle choices and overall wellness can provide immediate and long-term physical and emotional benefits. Gender roles and responsibilities assigned to women some being inherent like childbearing, and Cultural Revolution that places women in competitive work environments due to rising women empowerment and equality have put a substantial strain on their health. A balanced diet is the cornerstone of good health. Women, like men, should enjoy a variety of healthy foods from all the food groups including fruits, vegetables, healthy fats, low fat, whole grains and lean protein.

And as we age our bodies go through more physical and hormonal changes, so our nutritional needs continue to evolve making it essential that our diets evolve to meet these developing needs. While

women tend to

need fewer

calories than

men, our certain vitamins salts are much Hormonal associated with menstruation

But women also have special nutrient needs and these needs change during each stage of a woman's life As children, boys' and girls' dietary needs are largely similar but on the onset of puberty, women start to develop unique nutritional requirements.

requirements for and mineral greater. changes childbearing, and menopause

mean that

women have a

higher risk of

osteoporosis,

anemia and weakened bones requiring a higher intake of nutrients such as calcium, magnesium, iron, vitamin D and vitamin B9(folate).

Calcium not only builds strong bones and teeth and keeps them strong as you age but also regulate the heart's rhythm and ensure your nervous system functions properly. Calcium deficiency can lead to mood problems such as irritability, anxiety, depression, and sleep difficulties. If you don't get enough calcium in your diet, your body will take calcium from your bones to ensure normal cell function which can lead to osteoporosis or weakened bones. Good sources of calcium include leafy green vegetables, 12

grains, certain fish, cabbage and tofu. Your body cannot take more than 500mg at any one time and there is no benefit for exceeding the recommended daily amount Vitamin D is also critical to the proper metabolism of calcium; you can get vitamin D from direct sunlight and from foods such as vitamin D fortified milk and eggs. Magnesium, on the other hand, increases the absorption of calcium from the blood into the bone, in fact, your body cannot utilize calcium without it, some of the good sources include leafy green vegetables, cucumber, green beans and a variety of seeds. Iron helps to create the hemoglobin that carries oxygen in your blood. it is important in maintaining healthy skin, hair and nails. Due to the amount of blood lost during menstruation, women in childbearing age need more than twice the amount of iron that men do and even more during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Iron deficiency lead causes anemia and this can deplete your energy, leaving you feeling weak, exhausted, and out of breath even after minimal physical activity. iron deficiency can also impact your mood, causing depression-like symptoms such as irritability and difficulty concentrating. One of the best sources of iron is red meat (especially liver) which also contains high levels of saturated fats, other good sources include beans, leafy green vegetables, iron-fortified cereals, bread and poultry. Folate or vitamin B9 is another nutrient that many women don't get enough in their diet. Folate can greatly reduce the chance of neurological birth defects when taken before conception and during the first few weeks of pregnancy. Folate can lower a woman's risk of heart disease and certain types of cancer. Not getting enough folate in your diet can also impact your mood, leaving you feeling irritable and fatigued, affecting your concentration, and making you more susceptible to depression and headaches. Good sources include leafy green vegetables, fruit and fruit juice, nuts beans and peas. Folic acid is also added to enrich many grain-based products such as cereals, bread and pasta. Associating and socializing or being around people who appreciate you and impact you positively as a woman, boosts your mental health which enables to reduce cases of stress and depression. It is very important to learn how to

manage and cope with stress since it is inevitable to entirely avoid stressful situations or circumstances.

Living with mental disorder as a mother. Living with mental disorder as a mother. Motherhood is one of the most difficult jobs. It marks a new chapter in every woman’s story. It gives you new strength in yourself, something you didn’t know until you had children. Being a mother is a given status accompanied with feelings of joy, amazement, excitement and happiness. However, motherhood is not a smooth journey, motherhood can be exhausting and stressful. Being a mother can be hard, but being a mother with a mental health challenge is extra hard. Mental illness can be a lifelong struggle and people who do not understand mothers in situations with such conditions can judge them harshly and call them failing or irresponsible, unsafe mothers.

[GRAB YOUR READER’S ATTENTION WITH A GREAT QUOTE FROM THE DOCUMENT OR USE THIS SPACE TO EMPHASIZE A KEY POINT. TO PLACE THIS TEXT BOX ANYWHERE ON THE PAGE, JUST DRAG IT.]

Mental disorder impacts on mothers parenting skills and abilities and it also influence the whole family. For children who grow up in the care of a mentally ill mother, life is often filled with anxiety, uncertainty and vigilance.

It is not unusual for their needs to be neglected and they may even have to compete with their mother’s symptoms in order to receive care themselves. It also pose risk factors for issues that can emerge later in life, including psychological and emotional disturbances, learning challenges and poorer overall functioning. In addition there are a couple of social challenges that these children may encounter such as social rejection, troubled relationships, marital problems and family dissolution. This Photo by Unknown Author is licensed under

MOTHERS SUFFERING FROM ANY KIND OF MENTAL DISORDER OFTEN FEEL THEY ARE A BURDEN TO THEIR CHILDREN, TO THEIR FAMILY MEMBERS AND TO THE COMMUNITY AT LARGE, THEY TEND TO ISOLATE THEMSELVES FROM THE REST OF THE WORLD FOR FEAR OF “LETTING LOOSE” OR BEING JUDGED ON SOMETHING THEY MAY NOT HAVE CONTROL OF. 14

D& Ksu omi Ma gazi ne

D& K suo mi MA GA ZIN E

SUFFERING FROM MENTAL DISORDER CAN MAKE IT HARD FOR YOU TO CARRY OUT DAILY ACTIVITIES FOR YOUR CHILDREN, STICKING TO A REGULAR ROUTINE OR GETTING THROUGH THE SIMPLEST CHORES, LIKE COOKING OR SHOPPING CAN SOMETIME SEEM IMPOSSIBLE. HOLDING DOWN A JOB IS OFTEN DIFFICULT, AND 15

BALANCING A JOB WITH FAMILY LIFE CAN BE A REAL CHALLENGE. MANY MENTALLY ILL MOTHERS HAVE HAD THEIR CHILDREN SEPARATED FROM THEM BECAUSE THEY ARE TERMED AS ‘UNFIT’ TO RAISE THEIR KIDS. THESE AND MANY OTHERS ARE SOME OF THE CHALLENGES THAT MOST MOTHERS LIVING WITH MENTAL DISORDER HAVE TO GO THROUGH.

However, being a mother goes beyond the signs and symptoms of mental illness. Many of the mothers with mental disorder have managed to pulled through they have fought against all odds. Some of the ways one can manage the challenges of being a mother while still living with mental disorder includes; staying connected with your child, this will help her feel secure and loved. It can be as simple as cuddling on the couch, writing a loving note or formulate a secret handshake or nickname. Depending on the age of your child, it might also help to talk with your child about the illness. This

might help him to cope better, understand when you are not well, and know the situation isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t his fault. It can be scary sometimes and difficult to talk with your child about these issues therefore you might consider talking to a psychologist for some guidance on how to start the conversation. Accept help when family and friends offer. When you are not well you can let people know that your family needs extra support and also suggest what they can do for example cooking 16

a meal. Look after yourself, as best you can, this includes healthy eating, regular exercises and trying to rest. It also means caring for your emotional wellbeing by sharing how you feel with friends and family and spending time doing things you enjoy.

Mental disorder is not a life sentence. With the right treatment and support itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s possible to recover from it and live a happy healthy life.

What is worth living for?

ifferent people will give you different reasons on why they wish to see another day, some will say their friends and families, others will say their education and career others will say my children, my money and so on. Fundamentally all these things can be translated that; We find the meaning of life by serving ourselves and,

We find the meaning of life by serving others. Serving yourself would be much as prioritizing on your wishes and desires, on what that makes you comfortable. But in order to figure out what serves you best it’s important to be in touch with your true being. You can think of different practices or people in your life who have given you support and help on your expedition. Serving yourself can take many different forms; it can be the presence of a loved one who gives you comfort, it can be advancing your education, it can be setting time to think over your life, setting up goals and so on. Serving yourself can go to an extent of getting rid of people who may have been your friends. When you get real with yourself you do not ignore that sinking feeling that comes along with such people or events and our bodies react to them, you feel exhausted hanging out with certain people in your life or attending certain events. Serving yourself will come along by getting rid of them. Some will say that serve yourself first before serving others, being real and comfortable with yourself will enable you to have a better understanding on how to serve the world, and by serving others you serve yourself for instance; I serve my family because I want to see them succeed and happy, this serves me by satisfying my emotional wellbeing. The Bible has a lot to say about service. God wants us to understand His word and then live out. Philippians 2:34 “Do nothing from selfish ambitions or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests but also to the interests of others.” Serving is finding practical ways to show other people they matter. True service requires sacrifice, sacrificing our abilities, talents and time for the good of others. And from a Biblical perspective when serving others, you must do it without any promise of a personal payoff, there’s no guarantee that the people you serve will return the favor or even notice your efforts. What does serving others look like? That’s simply hacking living for others because you are convinced that it’s the best way to live for yourself. What makes life worth living is your choice but remember life is worth living for. Meaning of life is life itself, and life is all about change, evolution, upgrade to a new version. When you stop evolving, when you stop learning and got stuck at the same time over and over again without foreseeing change then you are as good as dead. Stop living in the past, because you are the creator of your own happiness, you are the king of your own castle. So go and meet new people, make new friends be genuinely interested in what is going on in their lives and listen empathetically not only the words but also the feelings, also get to know other people’s experience by reading widely, widen your horizons and try to serve others always. Being connected to other people heart-to-heart makes your life worth living. Forgive everyone you hate, whether it is your high school bully, your teacher, your boss or even your parent. Let go of that strong bitter feeling because hate eats you alive one day at a time but once you forgive your worst enemy you assure yourself of a healthy life.

What is good marriage? Marriage is a legally and socially sanctioned union, usually between a man and a woman. Marriage is a promise, a vow, it’s a commitment, sacrifice and a love adventure. We suppose marriage is one nice experience of to lovebirds but, if at all that is anything to go by, why are there continuous and many pending divorce cases in our courts. When did this enchanted affection of love turn to be astringent? It’s a pretty simple concept of falling in love and sharing your life together and many people before us have done it and have had successful marriages. Some of the reasons why most marriages today just don’t work is because of; unforgiveness, our inability to truly forgive our partners in marriage is one of the major reasons why marriages fail. True forgiveness is when we are able to treat our partners as if the offense never happened which proves to be very challenging for couples. By constantly reliving the trauma of the pat we deny an opportunity for our wounds to heal. Secondly is unvoiced expectations; not only do we ignore an opportunity to communicate our expectations, but we also begin to act on those expectations being met. This is an area that seeps in our ability to communicate and we often miss it. Societal pressure is another reasons why most marriages fail, our societies and families set a bar or tend to define on whom we should marry or get married to and at what age. This can lead to making rash decisions in marriage as we try to fulfill societal demands and in turn it can lead to divorce. Another reasons why marriages today fall apart is lack of self-knowledge; there are people who don’t bother exploring what they really need or like instead they go with what other people recommend for them or think of what is good for them, this pushes them to implement something (like marrying someone) just to satisfy the public eye and this leads to separation and divorce because it was not what your need in the first place.

WHAT IS GOOD MARRIAGE? TRUTH IS NO RELATIONSHIP COMES WITH A LIFETIME GUARANTEE, EVEN MEN AND WOMEN WHO GREW UP IN STABLE HOMES, WHO ATTEND CHURCH AND ARE CHRISTIANS WHO PROMISED THAT ONLY DEATH SHALL SEPARATE THEM, ALSO CAN HAVE IT ALL FALL APART. APPLYING BIBLICAL PRINCIPLES TO MARRIAGE WILL 18

GIVE A STRONGER FOUNDATION. GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO PROVIDE SPIRITUAL INTIMACY, PARTNERSHIP AND THE ABILITY TO PURSUE GOD TOGETHER THEREFORE, WE HAVE TO STOP COMING UP WITH OTHER WAY WE WISH GOD DESIGNED MARRIAGE TO BE WHICH IS HAPPINESS AND CONFLICT-FREE. Some biblical foundations which will help contribute to a healthy and a good marriage include; trust, a good marriage cannot be built and sustained without trust. Trust is very vital and it comes with being faithful and God placed such an importance on this area of trust in marriage that He made not committing adultery one of the Ten Commandments, being honest is another area in trust, partners must be honest about who they are or what they are thinking or feeling. RESPECT IS ANOTHER BIBLICAL FOUNDATION TOWARDS A GOOD MARRIAGE, WITHOUT RESPECT MARRIAGE PARTNERS FEEL DEVALUED SINCE RESPECT IS THE WAY YOU TREAT SOMETHING YOU [Grab your reader’s attention with a VALUE. 1 PETER 2:17 “SHOW great quote from the document or use PROPER RESPECT TO this space to emphasize a key point. To EVERYONE.” HOWEVER, WE place this text box anywhere on the HAVE TO UNDERSTAND THAT MEN AND WOMEN FEEL page, just drag it.] RESPECTED IN DIFFERENT [CITE YOUR SOURCE HERE.] WAYS. THIRDLY IS UNDERSTANDING; UNDERSTANDING ONE’S SPOUSE IS VITAL IN ORDER TO ENSURE THAT ONE WILL BE ABLE TO SHOW RESPECT, COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY AND BE WHAT OTHER PERSON NEEDS.

Love is another crucial biblical foundation that leads towards a good marriage. 1 Corinthians defines love for us, love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, love does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. In Ephesians 4:25 Paul describes love t husbands as about giving. Another biblical foundation is faith; fait his the possibility of something better. When one’s faith is in God and in the possibility of marriage being wonderful, hope increases and this enables couples to face and overcome challenges which come along.

Stepping out of your comfort zone.

lthough comfort brings with it a sense of familiarity and calmness, it can also prevent us from being curious, curious about what is, what was and ultimately curious about what’s next, which is something we are naturally born to be. Comfort zone is a useful psychological concept that can help you embrace risk and make changes in your life that can lead to real personal growth. When you step outside of your comfort zone you are taking risk and opening yourself up to the possibility of stress and anxiety and you are not quite sure what will happen and how you will react.

STEPPING OUT OF YOU R COMFORT ZONE INTO A NEW AND CHALLENGING TASK CAN; CREATE THE CONDITIONS FOR O PTIMAL PERFORMANCE, BEING SLIGHTLY UNCOMFORTABLE CAN PUSH US TO ACHIEVE GOALS WE NEVER THOUGHT WE COULD. GETTING OUT OF YOU R COMFORT ZONE CAN ALSO FOSTER CREATIVITY AND MAKE IT EASIER TO BE MORE FLEXIBLE WHEN UNEXPECTED THINGS HAPPEN IN THE FUTURE, LEARNING NEW THINGS THROUGHOUT YOUR LIFE ALSO CONTRIBUTES TO HAPPINESS. THIR DLY, TAKING RISKS WILL HELP YOU LE ARN ABOUT YOURSELF AS AN INDIVIDUAL AND WILL TEACH YOU ABOUT YOUR INTERESTS, PASSIONS, TALENTS, STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES. EVERY TIME YOU ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING YOU DID NOT THINK YOU WERE C APABLE OF, YOU BECOME MORE CONFIDENT, KN OWLEDGEABLE AND SKILLED.

D&Ksuomi MAGAZINE Tackling the unknown and proving to yourself that you can push past your boundaries and limiting self-beliefs and builds your self- confidence and self-esteem. Insecurity loves to feed on your habit of not trying. If you stop thinking so much and start acting, you will realize what is possible. Stepping out of your comfort zone help you learn to deal with challenges; life is unpredictable and it’s important to have the skills and confidence to face them head on, knowing that you were able to overcome something you thought was insurmountable will build your confidence and reinforce your independence of who you are. Life also becomes more interesting and worth living. Risks may look like adventures and obstacles could look like opportunities. Stepping out of your comfort zone also enables you to build new relationships.

Trying something new helps you to meet all sort of new people you may not have meet if you were still on your comfort zone.

Fear is a natural and essential part of growth. Every time we consciously choose to step out of our comfort zone then the next uncomfortable thing becomes a little bit easier. You can overcome this fear by engaging yourself with small activities to challenge yourself, couch yourself by asking yourself some questions for instance “what is holding you back?”, “what is the worst thing that could happen?”, picture yourself filled with light and confidence; this reduces your body’s stress response and gives you the confidence to step out of your comfort zone. You can also perform a research on how to handle your fears or get out and watch and talk to others who are doing what you aspire to accomplish. Clearly visualize your success; often when people are asked to step out of their comfort zones they think of all the things that could go wrong, but instead close your eyes and clearly visualize what a successful outcome looks like, create that powerful image each time you feel

fear stepping out of your safe zone. It’s often easier to take the steps to break outside of your comfort zone with a mentor or support team. If you know someone who can help you and encourage you along the way they can make these changes seem less daunting. Having someone to mentor you can help hold you accountable and keep you from slipping back into your comfort zone.

Turn your failure into a miracle.

Failure

could be defined as a state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective. But now, what are some of the reasons why people fail?. It could be because they are afraid to stand out from the crowd, they are not persistent enough, they fail to network and build strong relationships, they are too distracted or they don't take responsibility for what happens in their life. These and many others are some highlighted reasons why people fail including fear of success. Failure can give a blow to one's self-esteem if they are not emotionally grounded we've heard many go down the road of depression to serious mental conditions while others commit suicide. We cannot deny the fact that failure affects our psychology in the insight that it is linked to our sense of self-worth, when a person doesn't believe he or she has the ability to succeed (or if repeated failures diminish that belief) then the person will engage in practices that seek to preserve his or her own self-worth.

Is failure all that bad? Honestly, it totally depends on how every individual perceives the situation at hand if you have a positive perspective you can surely turn your failure into a miracle. We are human beings and failure is part of the human experience, failure is an event it's not who you are. Failure is never final if you have the God-given desire and direction to change your destiny. One way of turning your failure into a miracle is by first admitting it when you mess up, the best way to overcome failure is to face it, learn from it and move on, the living Bible says in the book of Proverbs 28:13 "A man who fails to admit his mistakes can never be successful . But if he confesses and forsakes them, he gets another chance". Secondly boldly refuse to accept failure as final regardless of how badly you may have messed because failure should be our teacher, not our undertaker, failure is delay, not defeat. It is a temporary detour, not a dead end. Thirdly concentrate on what you want to accomplish, have you ever heard of someone say they are a jack of all trades but a master of none? such an admission generally means the person usually doesn't have the ability to concentrate in a single area of need until they master it, success doesn't come easy on a silver platter, it requires a lot of hard work and dedication despite the difficulties and shortcomings that come along, focus on what you want to achieve and don't give up. Another way to turn your failure into a miracle is to decide in your heart, decree and declare

with the words of your mouth that your dreams and your goals will come to pass despite previous setbacks. Proverbs 3:5-6 in the Amplified Bible says: When we allow God to take on our lives we are assured of a smooth path, we only have to stay positive even if it takes longer to reap the fruits of our hard work. Last but not least on how to turn your failure into a miracle is by elevating your thinking. We cannot focus on things that happened yesterday, last week, six months or three years ago. If we do. . .we will always remain the victim. Instead, we must elevate our thinking to concentrate on the good things in our lives....the things that are going right. Albert Einstein once said:

“We cannot solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”Free your mind from the mistakes of the past. . .bondages of the present and fear of the future.

D&KSUOMI WE BELIEVE WOMEN DESERVE THEIR RIGHT

Turn your failure into a miracle. “Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him and He will direct and make straight and plain your

paths.”

Who is JANEIDE A. Matthews Chillis

Janeide A. Matthews-Chillis, Author, Entrepreneur, Life Coach Mentor, Preacher and Publisher. She received her call into ministry at an early age, and finally surrenders her life to the Lord, took heed to the Masters call, and made the decision to walk in her purpose. While recovering from a stroke in 2008, she started her very own Outreach Ministry. Through this experience and God’s inspiration, she began her journey as a mentor, and author, later becoming a publisher of JMC Publishing Inc., helping others fulfill there dreams. She is a determined self-publisher, and writer. Some of her books include, “The ABC’s of Brain Education”, Fall to Rise Again, A Minister’s Sin, and many others including her NEW Book “A Minister’s Sin REVEALED, and Inspired to Inspire. All of her books can be found on Amazon.com, Barnes and Noble, and her website

www.janeidechillis.com.

Janeide is the Founder of StepRite LLC, a corporation that provides event-planning, youth programs, missions, and outreach support. With God’s grace, and life’s experiences, honed her innate quality of being a good listener, provider and the ability to identify with people from all over. This indisputable quality is demonstrated throughout her unwavering commitment and service in her church, and community. Janeide A. Chillis shared her gifts on many Boards and Associations, which included the Irvington Board of Directors under Wayne Smith, and Sandra Jones. NJ Notary, Kean Ministry, Christ Crusade, Food Bank of New Jersey (Hillside), Toys for Tots Foundation, YDP (Youth Development Program), Free Teens, USA, and Alpha Nu Omega, Inc. Janeide embraces her journey of service to God’s people while she continued education. She received her BA in Communications/Religion Studies & BS in Marketing from Kean University 2012, Masters of Divinity 2015, and Sacred Theology Master’s from Drew University 2016. She received an Honorary Doctorates of Divinity from CICA Seminary and Theology School, and her Chaplaincy in March 2016. Janeide then went further, and received her Doctorate of Ministry Degree from Drew University May 2018.

Dr. Janeide A. Chillis has travelled to many countries, embracing the culture and learning about missions. Some of her mission adventures include, but not limit to Africa (Ghana), Cuba, North Korea, South Korea, Jamaica, and Dominican Republic where she assisted in providing services for women, and orphan children.

With God’s direction, Dr. Janeide A. Chillis was able to embrace the call and concentrate on a vision by starting her very own Non-Profit 501c3 JMC Ministries, Inc. This step gives her the opportunity to help others, and make an impact in

community, ministry, and other countries. Her ultimate goal within the Non-Profit is to help others become all they can be through spiritual leadership, mentoring, teaching, and inspiration, by the Grace of God.

Rev. Dr. Janeide A. Matthews-Chillis

GROWING UP, I EXPERIENCED SOME HARDSHIP, AND MADE THE BEST OF IT.

WHAT A GREAT MOMENT TO HAVE AMAZING TIME TO INTERVIEW POWERFUL AND STRONG WOMAN REV. DR. JANEIDE A. MATTHEWS CHILLIS . SHARING HER GROWIN G UP AND HARDSHIP EXPERIENCE TO MOTIVATE OTHE R WOMEN AROUND . I AM SO HONOR

DEBORAH FUNMI MUPAPA

Question Deborah Funmi Mupapa- Hello Queen sister, how are you doing? Tell us about yourself.

Rev. Dr. Janeide A. Matthews-Chillis- I am doing well; I am taking one day at a time. God has been good, and Heâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s worthy to be praised. I believe in praising Him in season and out of season. See Bio:

What is the definition of life, and what does it means to you? Did you experience any hardship growing up? 25

My dysfunctional life consists of my existence, being, and embracing each day with an attitude of gratitude. As a stroke survivor, I believe in taking each day with grace. I take life very seriously. I have had many trials, illnesses, and disappointments in my time, yet God continues to keep me. I’ve made a decision to live my “BEST LIFE” on any given day…. I live in the NOW! My mere presence, and aliveness that I possess enables me to be the mortal model that God has given favor to. GROWING UP, I EXPERIENCED SOME HARDSHIP, AND MADE THE BEST OF IT. I WAS A TEENAGE MOTHER, AND WASN’T ABLE TO GO TO COLLEGE LIKE MOST. I HAD ALL INTENSIONS ON ATTENDING COLLEGE, AND BECOMING A JOURNALIST. That all changed when I ended up pregnant. I dealt with an extensive amount of emotional abuse, molestation, and raped by a family friend. I was blessed with some amazing aunts and uncles. I was blessed to have a very loving family, close knit, and always stuck together. However, things that we address today were not address back then. While enduring the emotional abuse, it was overlooked, and shrugged under the rug. At that time, it wasn’t something you thought about, you just dealt with it. Today, it’s called bullying, emotional abuse, and because I was the lively one, it was perceived dramatic; therefore no one took me serious. I was just being a brat… The hardships that I faced, caused me to want more in life, want better, work hard, and pursue my aspirations on my own. I started dancing, as a way of escape. I loved it, and the blessing of dance allowed me to make money doing so. Regardless, of the challenges I faced, I always found a way to push through it. I never gave up.

I worked several jobs, and even attempted to start my own business. I was always business minded, and was always eager to be successful. See, being successful in my family wasn’t an option. Everyone had degrees, good jobs, or businesses. SO, THE IDEA OF MAKING WAS ALWAYS AT THE FOREFRONT. I WAS BLESSED TO SEE MY AUNT’S AND UNCLES SUCCESSFUL, MY MOM AND DAD ALWAYS WORKED AND PROVIDED. MY MOM RAISED ME, AND MY SIBLING ALONE, AND ATTENDED COLLEGE AT NIGHT. ACTUALLY, IT WASN’T ALONE BECAUSE WE HAD A VILLAGE. OUR NEIGHBORHOOD, OUR FAMILY, AND FRIENDS ALL BROUGHT UP TOGETHER.

You are a minister of God. How and when did you start? Can you tell us how God has called you, and what inspired you to do mission work for God. What makes you continue serving God? I AM A WOMAN OF GOD FIRST. I BECAME A MINISTER IN 2010. MY PASTOR AT THAT TIME SAW THE MOVE OF GOD IN MY LIFE, AND PLACED ME AS A (MIT) MINISTER IN TRAINING. I WAS THEN LICENSED IN 2012 WHILE ATTENDING SCHOOL. WHILE IN SEMINARY, GOD SPOKE TO ME, AND CONFIRMED MY POSITION AS AN EVANGELIST. HE SPOKE TO ME, AND MADE IT CLEAR THAT I WAS CALLED TO NOT ONLY PREACH THE GOSPEL, BUT ALSO HELP HIS PEOPLE THROUGH MISSIONS. IT WAS A CALL ON MY LIFE THAT I NEVER EXPERIENCED OR THOUGHT OF. WHILE IN SEMINARY, I RECEIVED AN HONORARY DOCTORATE OF DIVINITY DEGREE, 2016 AND ORDAINED AS REVEREND, WHILE, ALSO RECEIVING MY CHAPLAINCY FOR MY FIELD, AND MISSIO N WORK. GOD HAD A PLAN FOR ME LIFE, AND HE MADE THE PROVISIONS FOR IT TO COME TO MANIFESTATION. THE WORD OF GOD THAT SPEAKS SO MUCH VOLUME IN MY LIFE IS JEREMIAH 29:11, “FOR I KNOW THAT PLANS I HAVE FOR YOU.” DECLARES THE LORD, “PLANS TO GIVE YOU HOPE AND A FUTURE.” GOD HAS THE PEOPLE IN PLACE, AND THE OPE N DOORS FOR OUR PATH. WE JUST HAVE TO HEAR GOD, AND OBEY. IN 2017 I WAS ORDAINED AS PASTOR BY MY FATHER, AND OVERSEER IN MINISTRY, BISHOP RAINEY R. MATTHEWS IN FORTH WORTH TEXAS .

May 12, 2018 I graduated from Drew University Theological School with my Doctorate of Ministry degree. I spent several years doing Youth Ministry, and then realized my calling was to minister to young women who have endured brokenness, and many hardships in life. That’s when God showed me who I was. It was at that time I began mentoring.

What makes me continue serving God is the Love He’s bestowed upon me, and the test and trials He has brought me through. During my travels, work, missions I have witnessed the presence of God. While in North Korea, and South Korea God spoke through the Psalms, allowing me to evaluate and 27

cultivate the meaning of His word. Psalm 23 was prevalent during my time in Korea. While studying abroad in Jamaica, God broadened my horizon by allowing me to preach in another country and enabling me to embrace the balance and approach to Oratory Preaching. Having the opportunity of a lifetime to experience Ghana, Dominican Republic, and Cuba enhanced my ministry and gave me a new perspective on life and mission work. I believe God allowed some hardship to happen in my life and called me into the ministry to make an impact on and in the lives of the loss, least, and the hopeless. I have been inspired to inspire others through the word of God, and the testimony of my own life. My walk with God is unexplainable. My faith is unwavering, and what makes me continue to serve God, is knowing that my life is not my own. He sent His only Son that I might live and live a life of worth.

Who is God to you? And what is the meaning of SOUL to you? God is the creator of all, and one who I can lean and depend on. God is my healer, my sustainer, my way maker, and my Lord. He allows me to be, and to become. He allows me to love and connect with people from all walks of life. God is truly everything, and I know without God, I am nothing. The SOUL is an emotional or intellectual energy that comes from with passion, love, warm energy, and spirit. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a sense of vitality that resonates within. The soul is where your compassion, and empathy resides. It allows you to love those that seem un-loveable. It inspires you to inspire others, and it makes room for forgiveness to those that have wronged you.

Do you have your own church? I do not have a church building, but I do have my own ministry. JMC Ministries, Inc. is a NonProfit 501(c) 3 Ministry.

During your interview with Frederick Asiedu Oim Ghana, you said you have been abused during your teenage time. Can you tell us more about that? If yes, how did you get over the atrocity at that age, and how did you get healed? I expressed early, that I experienced some dysfunction, and the abuse from a family friend when I was a teenager. That situation is buried, and honestly donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care to bring that back up with hopes of preventing family problems. The person served his time, I forgave him, and I moved on with my life. 28

God is a healer, deliver and restorer. I don’t believe we should carry animosity, hatred, or unforgiveness if we are to be called sons and daughters of God. I was healed through the power of God. I believe sometimes God blocks things our of your memory to keep your for enduring so much pain. The process is relational. I believe my relationship with God allows me to overcome some things others may not be able to overcome.

What and who inspires you to be where you are today, or what keeps you going on despite what you have been through? My mother, Vivian S. Matthews is truly my inspiration. She has endured many hardships in life, and overcame them all. Her mother died in childbirth, while she was at the age of 10. She had 7 siblings under her, and a newborn baby to help raise. My grandfather kept all 8 of them together, and my mom being the oldest never really had a childhood. Yet, she persevered.

In spite of what I have endured, encountered, or experienced I believe that God allowed those dreadful things to happen to shape me into the woman I am today. Those experiences allow me to help others push through. What good is a test, without a testimony? I know it was only God. When I wanted to give up, or give in God showed me it wasn’t time. His love, power, and presence make life’s matters easier to handle. My mom lost her son, all of 3 of her sisters, and she continues to live her life. Her strength and endurance is impeccable. I know it was God that allows her to embrace life, and I know it’s the same God that keeps me…

What is your message to women out there that has been through such situations as you? Love yourself enough to walk away with grace and dignity. Allow God to minister to your spirit, and give yourself time to heal. Cry if you need to, seek help in if you need to. Don’t listen to the I told you so people. Don’t be around any negativity, and don’t blame yourself. Trust God, trust the healing process, and focus on what’s next in your life. Plan a trip, start a new goal, venture off alone, and be okay with it. Don’t process the negative, but focus on the positive. Give yourself room for error, embrace each moment of the day. Live your BEST Life, the best you can. With so many disappointments, we must be able to tap into the presence of God, and get up, get dress, and get out. Take one day at time, and do allow yourself to grieve. Look in the mirror, and love what you see. Never let anyone tell you what you can and cannot do. With God all things are possible if you believe. So believe in yourself, push through the pain, and allow the process to work in your favor. Victory will come; all you have to do is wait. Wait on the Lord, be good to yourself, pray without 29

ceasing, and live every minute the best way you can. Even in your pain, PUSH forth into your Victory, and know YOU are Victorious!

Now lets go deeper to what happened last year. It seems difficult to overcome due to the love between the both of you. Tell us more about the whole situation. First thing I want to say is, that brokenness is endured in many ways. Second, the relationship I had with my ex-fiancé was like never before. The love we had for each other, and the experiences we shared traveling together was amazing. I honestly felt like he was my soul mate and the other relationships prepared me for him. I would never imagine that kind of hurt. I felt so betrayed, I felt angry, I felt lost, shattered, and emotionally distraught. The pain was like nothing you could imagine. Can I tell you what happened, honestly NO I cannot. The last conversation we had was the evening before, and we ended it with, “I love you.” Good night. To wake up and the relationship is over, will never be understood. No explanation, no closure, no nothing. I am not going to assume, he never verbalized he wasn’t happy. He never made me think he wasn’t happy. He never verbalized or showed me that this wasn’t what he wanted. When it came down to making plans, be it the engagement party, the traveling, the honeymoon, the ordination, the wedding he was involved with 100%. We talked about everything; we shared so much with one another. He was in counseling, and I was there supporting him every week. He expressed what he wanted, and I did the same. Our relationship was public, he enjoyed video recording our time spent together, and I hated it. I personally don’t care for video, but love photos. The Facebook live was his thing, and the photo part was my thing. We both enjoyed photography, and we were going to start a business together along with ministry. Honestly speaking the relationship was more than what I expected, and everything I wanted. In my whole heart I believe the enemy had more to do with the break up than meets the eye. Because we are still in court proceedings, there are some things I cannot address at this time.

Have you experienced any broken relationships before? Yes, this was not the first time!

What do you think that caused the man to cancel the wedding? Do you think he had an affair during your time together? I can’t answer that question honestly because I don’t know. I personally believe that the decision wasn’t his decision solely, and he was wrongly, and spitefully influenced. I believe in my heart that jealous, envious people that couldn’t stand to see pure happiness, and joy in two people, and they 30

sabotaged it. The relationship began April 2017. He inquired about me, and that mutual friend introduced us. I didn’t know him prior, nor did he know me. We connected from the beginning. Our website on YouTube explains the entire relationship. Do I think he had a relationship with someone while we were together? NO! It wasn’t even possible. He wanted to spend every hour of the day with me. When he left for work, he called me. We video chatted. When he got home, he called or came by. We spent 95% of our time together. The relationship he had prior to me, was over, and I knew that. I trusted him, and his word. I had no doubts, nor did he make me feel like I had a reason to doubt. What that man did for me, and with me assured me that we were a team. We were #ARMJAM and nothing was going to come between that… That was the thought…. The enemy is real. I certainly believe that, but so is God. I believe the word, and that’s why I had to leave town for a few weeks. I needed some me ,and God time. My flesh wanted to respond in a way that would not be pleasing to God. Therefore, I need time away to heal, and reflect.

I am so grateful and thankful to all those that reached out, and prayed for me during that dark hour.

Do you think your status/class was higher than his? Did you have a good relationship between each other before he canceled the wedding? I never think I am better than anyone. We are all created in the image of God, created equal. I believe we complimented each other in more ways than one. We were growing together. I was learning from him, and vice versa. Like I stated earlier, we had a relationship like none other. To me, it was perfect. I don’t remember being that happy in a while, that fulfilled, and completely free to be. The relationship with him, allowed me to have a sense of liberation. I felt wholeness, and I know people say; you don’t need anyone to make you feel whole or compete. Well that might be okay for them, as for me, I knew I was missing something. When we connected, I didn’t’ feel that void anymore, and that’s why I say; I felt a sense of wholeness.

Would you like to marry again if any good man comes your way? Yes, my intent in any relationship is to marry. I make that clear from the door. I believe in Love. I actually love, love. I will never date casually. Marriage is a sacred covenant between two people and God. Some may not believe it, and some are okay not being married. I am not okay with it. I have my standards, and others have there’s. God, marriage, family, and ministry mean everything to me. I have been married before, and actually I love being a wife.

What does being married mean to you?

Being married is just a term. The marriage is between two people and God. It’s a sacred bond that is shared with one another that hold fast to the foundation of creation. God is love, and we are to love like God… Marriage is just that, “LOVE’ between two people making a decision to love each other as Christ love the church.

Do you have any advice to share to women out there on marriage? Yes, marriage is what you make it. The key to marriage is NEVER having an option. The option to never consider Divorce or separation. God is love; love each other unconditionally and without boundaries. Be open for transformation, be open for growth, grow together, and love like never before. Trust each other; keep outsiders out of your home/and bedroom. Enjoy life together, make lasting memories, and always trust, and respect one another’s point of view. Be open, be honest, and always be true to self.

Do you know that you are BEAUTIFUL? YES, and I don’t take my beauty for granted. As a stroke survivor, I experienced many defeats. I thank God for restoration. It was nothing but the GRACE of God that I am… What is beauty, and what does it mean to you? Beauty comes from within. What makes a person beautiful is the way they treat others. What good is having a beautiful face or body, and you are mean as the devil. You have no love for God’s people. You have no knowledge of self. Beauty is ONLY in the eyes of the beholder…

Would you like to be on the Deborah Funmi Show? YES! For sure, and would be honored to be on your show.

Deborah Allen is a Pastor & Prophetess. She wrote her first book “Fierce” doing the greatest battle of her life. HER LIFE STORY WILL BLOW YOUR MIND, HOW SHE TURNED HER PAST TO BE A STRONG WOMAN FOR GOD TO USE HER TO EMPOWER WOMEN ACROSS THE WORLD..

She wrote her first book “Fierce” doing the greatest battle of her life. It was birth by fire through my very existence. This book came forth doing a time of great tribulation. Penned doing the time my husband was diagnosed with stage IV chronic lymphocytic cancer, dealing with & restructuring ministry, children, work and many other things. THIS BOOK IS A TESTIMONY OF THE VIC TORY GOD BRINGS INTO OUR

LIVES. FIERCE IS THE ABILITY TO BE STRONG AND HOLD ON TO GOD. I BELIEVE IT’S IMPORTANT FOR OTHERS TO SEE US GO THROUGH GREAT HARDSHIPS AND WE BE STRONG, REMAIN AND PUSH THROUGH THE THINGS THAT CAN BREAK US. I’M A WOMAN THAT BEEN SURVIVED AND BEEN THROUGH MOLESSTATION, ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP, TEENAGE MOTHER AND COUNTLESS THINGS YET GOD HAS BIRTHED HIS PURPOSE OUT OF MY LIFE FOR HIS DIVINE GLORY! AS A 33

LEADER I WANT PEOPLE TO KNOW THAT YOU CAN LIVE, GROW, BUILD DESPITE WHAT YOUR LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES! JESUS IS ABLE TO HEAL, DELIVER, AND SUSTAIN US DOING EVERY SEASON OF OUR LIVES & WE ARE FIERCE IN HIM. MY BOOK IS A TESTIMONY OF STRENGTH, ENDURANCE AND ENCOURAGEMENT THROUGH THE LORD.

Fierce is a powerful spirit-filled book written by Prophetess Deborah Allen. Author: Prophetess Deborah Allen is a fierce, dynamic, and powerful woman of God. Prophetess Deborah currently serves as pastor of Lighthouse

Allen senior Apostolic

Ministries of God eighteen years. Allen also holds the

Church for Prophetess office

of executive director of nonprofit organization, Ministries Inc. Sheâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s

the L.A.M.

been ecstatically Bishop Glen Allen Sr. twenty-one years.

married to for the last

She is the mother of six from five, eleven, twenty, twenty-five,

children eighteen,

and thirty years of age. Deborah Allen is an entrepreneur at heart.

Prophetess

has successfully operated, and was the Little Lights Childcare

owned, director of

and Learning Center. had operated for ten propelled and

This facility years. Being

She

shifted into a different area of the vision, Prophetess Allen was led to close the childcare center. This center closed a few years ago and she stepped into a revised 34

and renewed vision. This woman is a woman of prayer, power, purpose, praise, and vision. Prophetess Deborah Allen is a woman of godly wisdom. She is an exceptional speaker, teacher, and preacher. She has a great call upon her life and is anointed of God. In her hands she possesses the gift of healing. The next stage of her vision has been unveiled and we present to you, Fierce as well as Fierce show on Elevation TV Network every Tuesday at 7:00pm CST/8:00pmEST. Also the revised vision has

launched Visionary Coachibg & Consulting Group on March 11, 2019. Thank you for your assistant & kindness. I sent information I thought was needed. FOR MORE ABOUT PROPHETESS DEBORAH ALLEN & HER BOOK http://prophetessdeborahallen.com https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Prophetess-Deborah-Allenebook/dp/B07GT8NS82 https://www.amazon.com/Fierce-Prophetess-Deborah-Allen/dp/1642991902 http://www.christianfaithpublishing.com/books/?book=fierce https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EIgOcsnrNJo https://www.prweb.com/releases/prophetess_deborah_allens_newly_released_fi erce_is_a_powerful_book_of_the_spirit_that_anoints_the_reader_for_the_spiritu al_battle_over_their_souls/prweb15795072.htm 35

THE IMPORTANCE OF APPRECIATION AND GRATITUDE

ppreciating is simply being grateful or thankful for either something or someone. Gratitude is a warm feeling, an essential positive emotion that has many benefits. Appreciating can make a big impact in people’s lives in one way or another. By showing appreciation for instance; you motivate people to do better, people need to know that their efforts are being appreciated and that they are making big contributions to your goals that is if at all they work for you. A simple ‘good job’ either written or spoken can go a long way. It also shows people that you care; if you are a leader or a boss in an organization or a firm, it is important to bear in mind that the people or staff who work for you have feelings that need to be taken care of. We can all agree that it is always an awful experience working for a boss who is ‘fault finder’, a person who does not appreciate your hard work but is always looking hard to find your mistakes. Showing appreciation also builds self-esteem not ONLY TO OTHERS BUT ALSO TO OURSELVES; WE FEEL MOTIVATED WHEN WE ARE APPRECIATED, WE FEEL THAT WE CAN HANDLE AND BE IN CONTROL OF ANY OTHER SIMILAR SITUATION OR A MUCH HARDER TASK BROUGHT TO US. IT MAKES EVERYTHING YOU WORKED FOR ALL WORTH IT. IT ALSO MAKES PEOPLE HAPPY, PERHAPS THE SIMPLEST OF REASONS ON WHY WE SHOULD SHOW

appreciation is just to bring a smile in to people’s faces. Just make someone happy by appreciating them. Appreciating others makes them appreciate you more, it makes it a lot easier for people to show their gratitude or appreciation towards you if they’ve received recognition from you before. People reciprocate similar feelings towards one another. It is important to note that until we fully appreciate ourselves, we will not able be to truly appreciate others. When you begin to appreciate yourself; your mood improves. Every single day has its own struggles and challenges that come about, but once we focus on the positive things rather than the negative, our mood improves and daily outlooks change. You also increase your effectiveness, giving recognition of your works improves your results. You inspire greatness in others when you appreciate yourself. When you get inspired you’ve got chances to inspire others before the day ends. Your mindset also changes, you begin at things from a different angle and a positive way, you begin to see breakthrough and opportunities in tough situations and this helps us

to look also in

Appreciating the smallest things in life realign you to great connections.

can

very grow.

Appreciating the little things in life means that you focus your attention on what nurtures and sustains you in life, on everything that brings you even the smallest amount of pleasure. In reality these little things have a huge impact on our lives and it is essential for us to learn to recognize them, for instance, developing the skill of gratefulness is one way of appreciating little things in life that you normally ignore, you can keep a gratitude journal, spend 10-15 minutes each day on writing down things for which you feel you are grateful for. Celebrate the little things and give yourself permission to do that, for example you can celebrate the good weather by taking out a friend or going for a walk, celebrate your friends

and families by inviting them over for dinner or even surprise them with a gift. We often forget how fortunate we truly are. There are plenty of blessings in this world. Taking just a little time each day to realize the great things we have can create a huge positive impact in our everyday life. Whether you are having a fantastic day or a horrible one, a great week or a terrible one, everything that happens to us is part of us and strengthens us every single day and showing gratitude can help lift your spirits.

Raising Adolescents

dolescence is the developmental stage between childhood and adulthood. It represents the period of time during which a person experiences a variety of biological changes and involves a dramatic transitions in the physical, social, sexual and intellectual spheres. There is no doubt that for most families the teen years present a challenge for both parents and children. Adolescence can be a confusing time of change for teens, their behaviour changes and they become sensitive and worried about their own body changes, they become emotional and easily irritable, they become defensive and rebellious, they also want to make their own decisions or at least contribute to decisions that will affect them and they also want to be independent from their families. These and many others are some of developments that occur during this stage. Kids at this stage need their parents more than 37

ever. A positive family environment including fun family activities opens parent-child communication and the encouragement to participate in positive extra-curricular and community activities, teens are able to navigate these years with relative ease. Modern-day parents are required to possess knowledge, strategies and skills which will help protect the adolescent from the treacherous world. Some of these strategies include; Teach your teen life skills, equip your teen with skills which they will require when dealing with different situations in life this will enable him or her be a responsible adult. Secondly employ fair and firm discipline, your discipline strategies shouldn’t be about inflicting punishment, your goal should be to teach her better self-discipline so she can make healthy choices when you are not around. Allow your teen to make mistakes but, continue to set firm limits and give consequences when she breaks the rules. Your role should shift to be more of a guide and a friend rather than the boss. Thirdly get to know their friends- teen relationships, relationships are among the things your teens is exploring at that age. Adolescence is the age where they build meaningful

friendships that can last a lifetime and they may also get attracted to the members of the opposite sex and explore romantic relationships. You may not like all their friends are you may worry they are a bad

influence on your teen but, don’t stop them from meeting with their friends because they will tend to push you away. Get to know their friends by inviting them over and you may utilize the opportunity and get to talk to them be open to them in order for them to feel comfortable talking to you about their relationship, and you might like them. But if still you think these friends are a bad influence you can talk to your child about them and give a reason. They might understand.

Give responsibilities, contributing to the family welfare by carrying out chores and other activities around, treats the adolescent as a person with something of value to give and boosts confidence, it also avoids idleness which may cause the teen to engage in undesirable behaviors. Another point is Build your teen’s confidence, there are a lot of people who will try to tear your teen down, therefore it is essential to instill healthy messages that will build his or her self-esteem. You can do this by getting her involved in a variety of activities which will enable her to see that she is a competent person who has many things to offer. Another point is communicating with your teen, be willing to talk to your teen through a variety of mediums, communication is more than just talking your teen will learn more by what you do than what you say, so it’s important to ensure your actions are in line with your values and the words you use. Talk about issues they are likely to conflict with as adolescents such as drugs and substance abuse, sex and lies inform them of the repercussions they may have on them and do not assume they will be taught in school. Be the friend, the confidant, the supporter and disciplinarian your teen wants.

Giving back to the society.

Every individual wants to be successful, everyone wants to be the mega-qualified person who wants to pursue the most sophisticated course the world can offer or attain heights that are unheard of. But living in a community, and expecting it to further your personal growth without investing in it, seems like a myopic thought, an insulation which would isolate the individual from the sense of belongingness toward the society. Giving back means standing up for a cause that promotes positive change. We all live in a society and we use many of its resources irrespective of whether we are aware of it or not and it is every personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s duty to give back to the community as much as they can. In fact it is a joy, it is a great thing to do and not only does it restore faith in humanity but also reminds us how it is our social responsibility to engage in the progress of our community. Giving back to the community can always begin now, it is only a matter of understanding and appreciating the fact that there are people way more challenged than us and as a community, it should be our prerogative to help the lot.

No matter how busy an individual is, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s always possible to give back. You can give back to the community in different ways, it can be by; volunteering your time and skills, you can visit a local care center and offer a hand in some activities that are being carried out, you can also volunteer to participate in local charity events or programs that promote positive change such as clean-up projects in your locality. Another way of giving back to the society is by promoting local businesses in the area, buy goods you need or require from the local shops available as often as possible and you can set aside an area of your website to link to your favorite local companies and it will help you reach more people and help out other local business owners.

Again you can offer your skills; offer to teach skills that could be of value to those who have been out of the workforce for a while. You can also sponsor an event or a local youth sports team or even children who have talents but lack financial capability to grow their talents, you can help by giving funds and supporting young talent. Another way to give back to the community is through donation; you can donate funds which could be required to take the less fortunate kids to school, or donate 39

materials or supplies to build local classrooms, you can donate food or clothing to people in your locality who you know struggle to meet basic. These and many others are ways one can give back to the community. Reasons why we give back to the society is so that; we can make an impact, whatever cause you choose to get involved with, you are spending your time in a way that makes a real and meaningful impact in the lives of others. It is easy to get inspired with a cause you truly care about and it’s rewarding to see your direct impact. Another reason is in order to find new opportunities; door open when you volunteer. You can widen your social network, discover an upcoming organization in your community or even get an opportunity to meet an influential person whom you’ve always admired. We also give back to the community in order to strengthen communities; you can enhance your own life by improving the areas where you work or live, a strong community with a high quality of life means healthier, safer lives for you and those around you. When we give we not only help the immediate recipient of our gift, but also spur a ripple effect of generosity through our community. Remember don’t give to get but give to inspire others to give.

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Have you been in abusive relationship and you don’t know who to talk to? You can share your story with us. What do you have in Mind that makes you feel you are alone on this earth? Is your family in trouble? Frustrated with your life You are unable to find who you are? Sexually abuse by someone you never think he or she could that to you? Single mother, the life is so hard for you to caring? Is life difficult for you as a single mother? There is something you kept and you don’t know how to tell your partner? Your partner is having an affair and you need help to face him or her Unable to continue your education and you need it so badly. Do you know any women who want education so badly that need support Single women who want to go back to school Or any other story who would like to share with us.

Do you have story that you would like to SHARE with Deborah Funmi Mupapa? Kindly send to out Office email info@dksuomi.com

Women and Aging.

ach day that dawns is a clear indication that we are decidedly getting older, which is a great thing. There are many changes that come about when one is aging either physically, mentally, biologically or socially. For instance, as people age, hearing high-pitched sounds becomes more difficult. This change is considered ageassociated hearing loss (presbycusis), a change in vision is often the first undeniable sign of aging with loss of near vision, need for brighter light and changes in color perception. As people age, taste buds on the tongue decrease in sensitivity thereby making it harder for them to detect the taste of different flavors, the ability to smell also diminishes. The skin tends to become thinner, less elastic, drier, and finely wrinkled. However, exposure to sunlight over the years greatly contributes to wrinkling and to making the skin rough and blotchy. People who have avoided exposure to sunlight often look much younger than their age. The fat layer under the skin thins. This layer acts as a cushion for the skin, helping to protect and support it. The fat layer also helps conserve body heat. When the layer thins, wrinkles are more likely to develop, and tolerance for cold decreases. The number of nerve endings in the skin decreases. As a result, people become less sensitive to pain, temperature, and pressure, and injuries may be more likely. The number of nerve cells in the brain typically decreases and some mental functions—such as vocabulary, short-term memory, the ability to learn new material, and the ability to recall words—may be subtly reduced after age 70. Another change is that the heart and blood vessels become stiffer. The heart fills with blood more slowly. The stiffer arteries are less able to expand when more blood is pumped through them. Thus, blood pressure tends to increase. These are some of the changes which occur generally. WELL, MANY WOMEN ARE GIRDLED BY MUCH ANXIETY WHEN IT COMES TO AGING. ONE OF THE THINGS MANY WOMEN FEAR ABOUT AGEING IS THAT THEY WILL LOSE ATTRACTIVENESS, WOMEN ARE ALWAYS, UNFORTUNATELY, MORE CONCERNED ABOUT WHETHER THEY APPEAR OLD, THE WRINKLES, SAGGY BREASTS, GREY HAIR, DRY SKIN, WEIGHT GAIN AND A PERMANENT POSTBABY BELLY. EACH CHANGE WROUGHT BY TIME AND GRAVITY RENDERS MOST WOMEN A BIT MORE INVISIBLE IN A CULTURE THAT PRIZES DEWY YOUTH. AND IT FRIGHTENS MANY WOMEN TO THE EXTENT OF USING ANTI-AGEING COSMETICS AND SEEKING PLASTIC SURGERY. ANOTHER POINT IS SOCIAL ISOLATION, THERE’S NO DENYING THAT LONELINESS CAN BE AN ISSUE FOR OLDER MEMBERS OF SOCIETY. AS FRIENDS PASS AWAY AND 41

FAMILY COMES AROUND LESS, MANY IN THEIR LATER YEARS FIND THEMSELVES INCREASINGLY ISOLATED. CANCER CAN BE ANOTHER FEAR OF AGEING AMONG WOMEN PARTICULARLY BREAST CANCER. ANOTHER COMMON FEAR ASSOCIATED WITH AGEING IS DEMENTIA AND COGNITIVE PROBLEMS THERE ARE MANY FACTORS

INVOLVED WITH THE ONSET OF DEMENTIA, INCLUDING GENETICS, DIET, ACTIVITY LEVEL, AND GENERAL HEALTH AND MANY FEAR THEY WILL EXPERIENCE

DEMENTIA AND MENTAL COGNITION DIFFICULTIES. AGEING IS INEVITABLE, BUT WOMEN STILL STAND A CHANCE TO AGE GRACEFULLY AND BREAK THE FEARS AND INSECURITIES THAT COME WITH AGEING. WOMEN CAN ENSURE THEY AGE GRACEFULLY BY FIRST; EMBRACING CHANGE, LIFE IS CHANGE. RESISTING IT WASTES PRECIOUS TIME AND ENERGY. LIVING FOR IT CAN GENERATE ADVENTURES YOU NEVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE. SECOND; DO SOMETHING YOU ENJOY EVERY DAY. WHEN YOU IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THINGS YOU ENJOY, YOU CAN’T WAIT TO DO THEM AGAIN. AND THEN YOU DO THEM OVER, AND OVER, AND THE ENJOYMENT CONTINUES. THIRDLY, WORK AT FRIENDSHIPS. FRIENDSHIPS ARE FUEL, PROVIDING ENERGY, LOVE AND NURTURING YOUR EMOTIONS. YOU’RE NEVER TOO OLD FOR NEW FRIENDSHIPS. THE FOURTH POINT IS TO EAT HEALTHY FOOD, DRINK ADEQUATE WATER AND EXERCISE YOUR BODY. ANOTHER POINT IS TO TAKE CONTROL OF HOW YOU REACT TO THINGS. LITTLE THINGS CAN REALLY BRING YOU DOWN IF YOU LET THEM. ALSO, ANOTHER WAY OF AGEING GRACEFULLY IS TO PRAY DAILY, EACH DAY THAT THE LORD FOR THE THINGS YOU ARE GRATEFUL FOR, IT'S A NICE WAY TO COMMENCE THE DAY.

WOMEN AND BEAUTY

Who determines what perfect is? for a while now the society has defined and redefined what beauty is like, it has set standards and limits of what it means to be "beautiful". Although we were once told that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, most of us tend to think there are some aspects that people deem stand out above the rest. Those striking physical appearances that attract the eyes at a glance. For instance, there is a strong wave that has hit our current generation of women particularly speaking that light skin colour has an upper hand above the dark skin. No wonder people struggle to rebrand and repackage themselves to fit this standard. Nearly every cover or fashion portray the same image of "beauty" -a haughty-looking young woman with an icy scowl on her face, waifish clothes draping her anaemic body and her lifeless eyes lacquered with ghoulish black liner. This apparently is the standard of woman allure, the type of girl that the society has applauded. So many have traded in pursuit of true feminine beauty for the cheap counterfeit presented by the culture and the result is a season of

hellish misery; tossing all dignity and modesty to the wind and flaunting their body everywhere.

ut why is beauty important to women to the point of overlooking intelligence? well, it may be because it somehow builds confidence and confidence amplifies beauty. When a woman improves her appearance an amazing thing happens, people begin to pay attention to her, listen to her, seek her company and ask her opinion on certain issues. She becomes more confident and this makes her look even better, as her confidence grows, so does the respect she receives at work, home and everywhere, her insecurity falls away as she becomes more daring, self-assured, courageous and finds out she can do anything. in spite of this, all women deserve to be appreciated, respected and admired because at the end of the day every woman defines her own beauty.

AS A WOMAN, I FEEL THAT THE SOCIETY HAS JUDGED US SO HARSHLY THAT WE HAVE ENDED UP PLAYING TO ITS MUSIC. MOTHERS HAVE BEEN MADE TO BELIEVE THAT BEAUTY COMES WITH REPACKAGING AND REBRANDING 43

THEMSELVES AND THIS, THEY HAVE EXTENDED TO THEIR CHILDREN, PARENTS WHO "HANDCUFF" THEIR TODDLERS IN SALONS IN OUT TO FIX HEAVY BRAZILIAN WEAVES IN THEIR TINY HEADS IN ORDER TO "BRING OUT THEIR BEAUTY". I KNOW YOU MUST HAVE READ OR EVEN HEARD SOMEWHERE THAT BLACK IS BEAUTY BUT THE SAME SOCIETY THAT TAUGHT YOU THAT WASHED AWAY THE CONFIDENCE YOU HAD IN YOUR SKIN COLOUR.

Women and Beauty

Feel free in the very package you came into this world. Do not let someone else define beauty for you. A little makeup here and there is not bad, but when it makes you its slave and you begin looking down upon the rest, then something needs to be done and fast.

However, having no makeup is different from being unkempt, there is no way you can decide to walk out of your house unkempt and then impute it on going natural. Natural is immaculate, attractive and accommodative to all human senses. Everyone is entitled to their preference as long as we all co-exist, the problem comes in when we begin looking down upon others, let us not be consumed by the outward appearance and start appreciating and accepting what God blessed us with.

It's important to remember two things that first; Every woman is already beautiful and second; Every woman can be even more beautiful! it's simply a question of apprehending yourself, 44

highlighting your natural beauty to propel your own self-image, letting it radiate through.

Time is something we deal with every day and something that everyone thinks they understand. Time in its nature is a very precious commodity. One thing that humanity is trying to achieve is to gain some time, all the time. Time is the most important aspect of our life, our whole life revolves around time. When a person dies, it is stated for how long he has been alive, be it fifty, sixty or even eighty years and the activities the person was engaging with are also recorded whether he or she was a teacher or a doctor or a farmer. We often find ourselves bemoaning that we donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have enough time to accomplish some of the events we have planned and we try to solve this by either squeezing in or extending our working hours in order to accomplish some of these events, hence there is the need to manage time.

Time management is the process of organizing and planning how much time you spend on specific activities. Good time 45

TIME management allows you to accomplish more in a shorter period of time, which leads to more free time which lets you take advantage of learning opportunities and also lowers your stress and helps you focus which leads to more career success. EACH BENEFIT OF TIME MANAGEMENT IMPROVES ANOTHER ASPECT OF YOUR LIFE. SOME OF THE WAYS TO ADAPT TO ENSURE YOU MANAGE YOUR TIME INCLUDE; CREATING A TIME AUDIT, START BY FINDING OUT WHERE YOUR TIME GOES THROUGHOUT THE DAY AND TRACK EVERYTHING YOU DO IN A WEEK. WITH THIS DATA YOU CAN EASILY FIND AREAS TO IMPROVE, FOR INSTANCE, YOU MAY SPEND TOO MUCH TIME SITTING IN UNPROLIFIC MEETINGS OR ATTENDING EVENTS OR TASKS THAT ARE OF LOW PRECEDENCE. SECONDLY, PUT A TIME LIMIT ON TASKS, TAKE ANOTHER LOOK AT YOUR TIME AUDIT AND IDENTIFY TASKS THAT TAKE LONGER THAN YOU EXPECT. BY INSERTING TIME CONSTRAINTS FOR THESE ITEMS YOU WILL FOCUS MORE AND WORK MORE EFFECTIVELY. BUT, IF YOU STILL FIND YOURSELF GOING BEYOND THESE TIME LIMITS THEN YOU HAVE TO EXAMINE YOUR WORKFLOW AND ELIMINATE LITTLE TIME-WASTERS LIKE UNSCHEDULED BREAKS. THIRDLY PRIORITIZING (COMPLETE YOUR MOST IMPORTANT AND DEMANDING TASKS), FIRST THINGS FIRST, WRITE DOWN THREE OR FOUR SIGNIFICANT AND URGENT TASKS THAT MUST BE ADDRESSED THAT DAY. AS YOU COMPLETE EACH ONE, CHECK IT OFF YOUR LIST, THIS WILL PROVIDE YOU WITH A SENSE OF ATTAINMENT AND CAN PROMPT YOU TO UNDERTAKE LESS ESSENTIAL ITEMS. ELIMINATE DISTRACTIONS, PAY ATTENTION TO THE NUMBER OF TIMES YOU GET DISTRACTED EITHER BY SOMEONE OR SELF-INDUCED INTERRUPTIONS WHEN YOU ARE IN THE MIDST OF AN IMPORTANT TASK. YOUR SMARTPHONE IS EXTREMELY USEFUL BUT IT’S ALSO ADDICTIVE AND INSIDIOUS TIME-WASTER. BY TURNING YOUR PHONE OFF AND SHUTTING YOUR DOOR YOU WILL BE ABLE TO MAXIMIZE YOUR TIME AND MAYBE PLAN A BREAK, LATER ON, TO CATCH UP WITH WHATEVER YOU REQUIRE ON YOUR PHONE AND CALL PEOPLE BACK.

The reason as to why time management is crucial it’s because; Time is limited, no matter how you slice it, there are only 24 hours in a day, if you want to rise through the ranks you have to concede the importance of finding a way to manage this limited resource. You can accomplish more with less effort; when you learn to control your time you improve your ability to focus and with increased focus comes enhanced efficiency, because you don’t lose momentum. Time management leads to improved decision making when you are under pressure to make a decision you are more likely to jump to conclusions without fully examining every option and that leads to poor decision making. But through effective time management, you can take time to carefully consider each option and you get to reduce your 46

chances of making a bad decision, these are reasons why you need to keep track of how you utilize your time. “Time is free but it’s priceless, you can’t own it, but you can use it, you can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back” Harvey Mackay.

UNDER THIRTY IN BUSINESS. tarting your own business can be a journey filled with excitement. Going down the road toward entrepreneurship will teach you new things about yourself. Exciting in terms of being in control, being your own boss and going into business for yourself especially now with the internet and new emerging technologies lessening the barrier of entry, it is now a more accessible game for every willing soul. Challenges that most young entrepreneurs face while trying to build a business empire is; lack of exposure and enough experience, as compared to business people who are in their midthirties and forties young people will take more time to figure out how to handle some of the problems that affect their businesses because they are not opened to various challenging events which may come through. Competition is another challenge, young entrepreneurs commence their businesses in an already competitive field, so most will have to struggle to click in, be recognized by the public, be fit to be one of the competitors and then fight their competitors.

Another major challenge is having the capital to start the business and the financial capability to sustain it, unless you are a young entrepreneur and you receive support from family and friends, many young people are yet to be employed and if they are, most of them don't earn enough to enable them start a business and also given the fact that they have basic essentials they need to satisfy it doesn't leave them with much. As a young entrepreneur, you face the challenge of credibility whereby you need to convince customers, clients and even prospective employees that you are serious enough and capable of delivering on your promises. Not forgetting the challenge of cynicism, some young entrepreneurs are looked at with some skepticism just because they are young and

in business, it is a challenge you have to overcome with boldness and professionalism.

However, one can still thrive and be successful in business while young. Coming up with a good plan and strategies on how to handle your business is one way to evade or avoid problems and challenges one is exposed to in business. Being honest about your reasons for starting a business, starting a business is hard. If you are going to succeed, there has to be a deeper desire to succeed. Before you start thinking about what product or service to sell, be honest about your reasons to start a business. Get over your fears. Fear is good. It alerts you to the bad things that might happen. If you havenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t started a business before, you are entering a new and unknown area. You have no idea what to expect. For some, the unknown is thrilling and for others, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s pure terror. The best way to get over your fears is by proper preparation. Find mentors, if you are smart you will figure out most challenges you are faced with, but if you really want to succeed in business, you will find yourself some mentors. They

have most likely experienced many of the challenges you are facing. Look for successful entrepreneurs, ideally in a similar niche to yours. Embrace technology, nothing has contributed to the high number of entrepreneurs in our world today than technology and the internet. Look at problems or challenges that can be solved with the use of technology and boost your market by making good use of some of the internet platforms, it will be an easier route to becoming a successful entrepreneur. Be bold and creative, do your homework and be confident all through. If boldness gets you into trouble only more boldness will get you out, become creative and look for unconventional means to solve problems. People tend to respect you for that. Have patience, It takes a while to build a successful business. Expect your journey to be a long one. Be patient with yourself. It is great to have high expectations, but you also have to be realistic. You should never despair when people take your words for nothing and dismiss you with a wave of the hand. Failure in business is crucial to help you grow. Learn to grow a thick skin.

RESIST DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, SPEAK OUT AND BE HEARD

he had been hiding there for two days, this time it was neither the criticism nor the expletives this time he had smothered her with a pillow. She left immediately went to a friend's house and stayed there, she promised herself never to go back. Hours later

she heard her husband's voice on her friend's door, she knew that he would come looking for her. He sounded miserable, he really wanted her back. She returned home after two days. Domestic violence whether physical or emotional and when perpetrated by the person you love can be one of the most frightening and traumatic experiences a woman can face. The problem that comes with this is more than meets the eye, sometimes moving out may sound very simple but believe me its hard. Why don't they just leave and start a better life somewhere? One may ask, to answer this question one needs to have a better understanding of the traits associated with this ill vice. Domestic violence tends to have a pattern on how it starts, how it escalates and also how it messes up one's life. Narrations of women who have undergone domestic violence speak volumes of how violence can be perpetrated without the victim knowing. During the good days he will be charming, buy you flowers and even take you to the movies when it's bad he is the complete opposite the criticism, the rage, the isolation and even physical the battering. The next thing thoughts cloud your mind, you believe you are the problem you apologise but it happens the next time. Victimised women on the other hand often tend to have lots of love and commitment to their abusive partner, 49

sometimes they feel that if they leave he partner will just crumble also financial stress is another factor that causes women to stick in their abusive relationship.

NO WOMAN DESERVES TO GO THROUGH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, STRIKING A WOMAN DOESN'T PROVE ONES MASCULINITY NEITHER DOES IT BOOST ONE'S EGO. WOMEN WHO FACE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE MAY CONTINUE STAYING IN THESE MARRIAGES FOR SOME TIME BUT WITH THE NECESSARY HELP, THEY EVENTUALLY LEAVE. IN THIS JOURNEY OF LEAVING IN ORDER TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE, I HAVE FOUND SOME OF THESE TIPS TO BE OF GREAT HELP.

Accepting that you were not the problem A common trait that is harboured by many perpetrators of domestic violence is pressuring their victims to accept the blame for what has happened. shifting this blame to the victim is just one way through which perpetrators tend to avoid the guilt of what they have done. The process of freeing yourself from domestic violence kicks off only when you start seeing through the abuser's lies. This entails realising that the abuse was not their fault thus they never deserved it. Realising that you deserve better helps a lot in boosting your self-worth and also helps a lot in boosting self-love. Thus learning to love and appreciate yourself is key in this whole journey.

Learning to be in control Domestic violence is a pattern be it physical or emotional the perpetrator always strive to gain control and power over the victim. This may be through financial control, belittling and manipulation. They make you feel that you deserve them more than they deserve you, they will entrap you with the sweet little things in a bid to get that firm grip on you. Breaking loose of this entrapping is among the first step to gain control of your life. Don't fret about 50

what you will lose remember your life and health is more important than all the â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;wealth and security' he is offering.

Accepting support Isolation tends to be one of the most utilised tools by domestic violence perpetrators, this entails making one feel unwanted which in turn brings down one's self-esteem. In the journey of breaking free from domestic violence accepting support through reconnecting with other people is crucial. Speaking out and sharing your experience is just one way of reducing the previous anguish while enlightening others. More to that one can always get some professional support from counsellors or other peers who have been able to break free from this ill vice. Love should never hurt thus anyone who hurts you isn't fit for your love.

Trusting your instincts Most victims of domestic violence tend to know what they are going through. But the thing is that they don't regard this as violence or control. They feel that things are getting to a dangerous level, but they hope that he will come to change. Learn to trust your instincts and try to act the first time he hits you, this may not necessarily mean stepping out. You can always find better ways of getting help maybe professionally. When this escalates the best thing is to find that courage to break free, go out and build a life of dignity and safety. Jennifer Willoughby former wife of former White House aide Rob Porter and also a victim of domestic violence recently said domestic violence victims: â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;Please know it's real, you are not crazy, you are not alone and I believe you.'

arenting is a process of promoting and supporting the physical, emotional, social and intellectual development of a child from infancy to adulthood. One interesting thing about being a parent is that there is great variation in how we raise our children, but at the same time there are many similarities from one parent to another. Parenting styles refers to the combination of strategies that you use to raise your children. Researchers have tried to group parents into four common parenting styles which include; Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive and Uninvolved parenting.

(1)

Authoritarian parenting.

Authoritarian parents are very strict and controlling. They have a strong sense of justice and of the need for obedience. They are believers in clearly stated rules. Such parents take a dim view of being challenged and they believe kids should be seen not heard they are also famous in saying “No way!” or “Because I say so!” Thus these parents are highly demanding but not very responsive. Researchers believe children of authoritarian parents tend to be timid, have a lower self-esteem, lack spontaneity and rely to an unusual degree on the voice of authority.

(2)

Authoritative parenting.

AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS INVEST TIME AND ENERGY INTO PREVENTING BEHAVIOR PROBLEMS BEFORE THEY START. THEY USE POSITIVE DISCIPLINE STRATEGIES TO REINFORCE GOOD BEHAVIOR LIKE PRAISE OR REWARD SYSTEMS. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS HAVE RULES AND THEY EXPLAIN THE REASONS BEHIND THE RULES. THEY ALSO TAKE THEIR CHILDREN’S OPINIONS INTO ACCOUNT. AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS PUT A LOT OF EFFORT INTO CREATING AND MAINTAINING A POSITIVE RELATIONSHIP WITH THEIR CHILDREN. CHILDREN RAISED WITH AUTHORITATIVE PARENTS TEND TO BE HAPPY AND SUCCESSFUL, MOST LIKELY TO BECOME RESPONSIBLE ADULTS WHO FEEL COMFORTABLE EXPRESSING THEIR OPINIONS AND THEY ARE ALSO MORE LIKELY TO BE GOOD AT MAKING DECISIONS AND EVALUATING SAFETY RISKS ON THEIR OWN.

(3)

Permissive parenting.

Permissive parents are often accepting, warm and make few demands on their children. They are lenient, avoid confrontation and allow considerable self-regulation. 52

They are quite forgiving and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.” Permissive parents usually take more of a friend role than a parent role. They often encourage their children to talk with them about their problems but they usually don’t put much effort into discouraging poor choices or bad behavior. They often only step in when there’s a serious problem. Kids who grow up with permissive parents are more likely to struggle academically since their parents are less bothered about their performance. They may exhibit more behavioral problems as they don’t appreciate authority and rules. They often suffer from low self-esteem and they are also at a higher risk for health problems like obesity, because permissive parents struggle to limit junk food intake.

(4)

Uninvolved parenting.

The uninvolved parent demands almost nothing and gives almost nothing in return. An uninvolved parent may reply “whatever.” Uninvolved parent tend to have little knowledge of what their children are doing, they don’t devote much time or energy into meeting children’s basic needs and expect children to raise themselves. Such kind of parents maybe neglectful but it’s not always intentional for example, a parent with substance abuse problems or mental health issues may not be able to care for a child’s physical or emotional needs on a consistent basis. Other times they may be simply overwhelmed with many responsibilities like managing household, paying bills and work and thus lack knowledge about child development. Children with uninvolved parents are likely to struggle with self-esteem issues, tend to perform poorly in school and exhibit frequent behavioral problems and rank low in happiness. With this information it’s easier for one to classify his or her parenting style and seek to either adopt or improve his or her parenting skills to ensure healthy upbringing of the children.

Adeshola Cole Humanitarian and Business Owner Adesho is the behind Tritek. She is married with 3 children and has carved a brains successful career for herself as a senior project manager in banking and digital specialist companies. Popularly known as Mama Hawk-Adeshola is highly passionate about helping people succeed in their careers and has successfully helped over 200 candidates secure life changing roles. ADESHOLA WAS JUST RECENTLY HONOURED WITH THE WOMAN OF THE YEAR AWARD, AT THE BWIB ( BLACK WOMEN IN BUSINESS AWARD),2018. SHE IS ALSO AN AWARD WINNING MENTOR. ADESHOLA HAS A DEGREE IN LITERATURE IN ENGLISH, PRINCE2 PRACTITIONER, ACCREDITED PRINCE2 TRAINER, SCRUM MASTER CERTIFIED AND HOLDS A DIPLOMA IN CHANGE MANAGEMENT.

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