Ask the Experts

THE EXPERTS By GRID MICHAL

GRINDING GRID’S GEARS GOOD SCUPPERS EQUALS NO SCOOPERS

“BACK WHEN,” AS THE old timers say way to often...wait a minute. Reminds me of a neat saying about the best part of aging is you can’t lose the years that are behind you. That in itself makes great sense, and when you apply it to what seems to be a way of life as one ages (“Now, where did I put…?”) every day is a perfect analogy. And that’s how a boatyard comes alive at 5 p.m., with recollections that start when somebody sips something and says, “Back when…” This generally has to do with boats sinking, and the word “scupper,” which has two meanings according to Webster: one means “defeated.” And the other means a drain to allow water to sluice from a boat’s deck. That is not a good combination of defi nitions, as we learned.

First, the sameness, then the weirdness. “Weekends were made for Michelob” were ignored as Hank and I planned and practiced two jobs starting Monday, both involving removing lower horsepower two-stroke engines from both boats and on one, replacing the main power with a large V6 four stroke; the other was the same, but the owner wanted a “kicker” installed on the currently-empty bracket. Now for a bit of weirdness - neither boat owner knew the other; both boats approached 30’ in length. Both were custom built with cuddy cabins. Both were built in South Carolina as offshore fi shing boats, both were bought online in Florida a day apart, and the second boat had an almost-new four-stroke 9.9 coming from Georgia. Both arrived at the same day at a prearranged marina. The fi rst thing we noticed on both boats was that the aft scuppers had scum lines about an inch under them, across the transom. The four strokes were about 100 pounds heavier than what they replaced, and the one with the kicker—well, that gem added another 125 pounds to port. Both boats would have scuppers that were about to be Webstered (defeated) because they wouldn’t

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be able to drain. The end of summer was fast approaching and neither wanted to spend the time having the boatyard do the right thing, raising the scuppers. We did the next best thing and installed scupper-guards containing a ping-pong ball that would allow water to drain, but not enter through the scupper if the boat were too low.

Two days later the jobs were finished, we were paid. The boats rode nicely, but the one with the kicker had the port ball actively opening and closing the scupper. Five days later National Weather Service (NWS) recorded 8 inches of rain overnight. I was hoping Hank would get the calls and I could go back to sleep. Each of us got one, and guess which boats? Uh-huh. He got the irate attorney, I got the irate retiree. The closer boat was in the harbor with only the radar dome showing above water. We quietly made our way twenty miles to the second boat which was on its side, blocking through-waterway movement. It was still raining. The good news was that the powerheads were still underwater. That was all the good news. We called our insurance carrier, knowing next year’s rates might do us in. 5 a.m.. We left a message. We hoped they didn’t throw up on the oak desk. We felt the ping-pong balls were the problem, and may leave us totally responsible.

As we were struggling to raise the boat without a “kicker,” the owner said, “I’ll bet if the boat hadn’t been caught under the dock those ping-pong balls woulda worked.” Hank and I grinned at each other, finished raising the boat, got it on his trailer in his yard, and told him to wash everything down with fresh water until he ran out of water. We returned to the first boat to find a couple of watermen had prepaid some legal fees and raised the lawyer’s boat with their masts-with-cables and power winches. The first check we did was the automatic bilge pump, which was new, and working when launched. The auto-wire had been disconnected! Why? With all the rain forecast, he didn’t want the battery drawn down! The onslaught of rain had gone mostly into the cabin, and because of the kicker, and no spring line the boat rolled gently on its side, and down she went. We had just dodged bullet number two. Moral of this story, if a customer wants to rush things, give him one chance to understand why you say “NO!” Drain plugs are for small boat launch ramp stories. Scuppers are for big-boy toys and need all the respect that can be mustered.