FamilyMatters THE MAGAZINE FOR THE FILIPINO FAMILY
Volume 2 • Number 3
DECEMBER 2014-FEBRUARY 2015
GET READY
for the Prom!
2015:
Year of the Poor
Blessed Holidays! The youth are talking about
* School organizations * New Year’s resolutions * Valentine dating
MGA BIYAYA NG PASKO SA PAMILYANG PILIPINO
Andrea Brillantes
LITTLE BIG DREAMER
contents
FamilyMatters Volume 2 • Number 3 December 2014-February 2015
2 Homework
Sa May Bahay ang Aming Bati…
14
4 Family Note
Reclaiming the Essence of Christmas
5 Letters 6 Frameable
The Year of the Poor 2015
8 Behaving
A Night to Remember
11 Preventing
16
37 Eat-Smart Rules for a Safe Christmas
14 Balancing
Why the Christmas Rush?
18
16 Bonding
Dinner Divine
19 Parenting Let’s Talk
6
36 Eating
We’ve Got Company!
38 Love in Action No One Should Be in Need
41 Protecting It’s a Blast!
43 Budgeting
“Namamasko Po!”
46 Relating
Two of a Kind
46
Youth Talk Shining Bright, 22 Get Off to a Great Start! 24 How to be a Perfect Date, 27 Welcome to the Club, 30 On Active Duty, 33
HOMEWORK
SA
may bahay ANG
aming bati ‌ Tuwing sasapit ang masayang araw ng Pasko,
By Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB
2 FamilyMatters
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
halos lahat ng pamilyang Kristiyano, Pilipinong pamilya man o ibang lahi, ay hangad na magkatipun-tipon upang sama-samang ipagdiwang ang isa sa pinakamasayang kapistahan ng pananampalatayang Kristiyano. Sa tulong ng mga makabagong teknolohiya lalung-lalo na ng Internet, ang mga nasa ibang bayan ay kaya na ring makihalubilo sa kani-kanilang family reunions gamit ang webcam. Bagamat virtual presence lang ito, malaking tulong na rin na magkita-
kita ang bawat isa sa mga sandaling nagkakatipon ang buong pamilya. Hindi mapagkakaila ang lungkot na nararamdaman ng sinuman na nagdiriwang ng araw ng Pasko na malayo sa kanyang pamilya. Ayon sa mga kwento na aking narinig mula sa mga kakilala kong naging OFW o kahit na yung mga nasa Pilipinas lang pero may trabaho tuwing araw ng Pasko, hindi kumpleto ang Pasko kung di nila kapiling ang kanilang pamilya sa araw na ito. May mga kababayan tayong sinasadyang itaon ang kanilang
Illustration by Ricus Afable
Maraming biyaya ang natatanggap ng pamilyang Pilipino tuwing ipinagdiriwang nila ang kaarawan ni Hesus sa piling ng isa’t isa.
pagbabalik-bayan sa panahon ng Pasko dahil iba daw talaga ang Pasko sa Pilipinas. Ang dami-daming Christmas parties na nangyayari bago sumapit ang araw ng Pasko, katulad ng mga parties sa opisina, sa mga iba’t-ibang samahan o organisasyon sa parokya, sa iba’tibang social institutions katulad ng mga orphanages, centers for street children, homes for the aged, at marami pang iba. Ngunit sa araw mismo ng Pasko, ang pinaka-Christmas party ay walang iba kundi ang family reunions. Kahit ang mga magkakabarkada o ang mga magkakasintahan ay handang isangtabi muna ang kanilang pagkikita upang bigyang halaga ang family reunion ng kanilang kabarkada o kasintahan.
Mga biyaya ng Pasko
Photos by Father Dranz
Malaking biyaya talaga ang hatid ng kapistahan ng kapanganakan ng ating Panginoong Hesus sa bawat pamilyang nagdiriwang nito. May mga myembro ng pamilya na nagkasundo muli dahil pinagbigyan nilang maghari ang biyaya ng Pasko sa kanilang puso at sugpuin ang ano mang uri ng puot o galit na nasa puso nila. Ano nga ba ang biyaya ng Pasko? Ang biyaya ng Pasko ay ang walang kapantay na pag-ibig ng Diyos na nais tipunin muli tayo, ang Kanyang mga anak, na nawalay
Ang biyaya ng Pasko ay ang walang kapantay na pag-ibig ng Diyos na nais tipunin muli tayo, ang Kanyang mga anak, na nawalay sa Kanyang piling dulot ng kasalanan.
sa Kanyang piling dulot ng kasalanan; pag-ibig ng Diyos na walang ibang hangarin kundi ang mabuo muli ang Kanyang pamilya sa Kanyang kaharian sa langit. Ang biyayang ito ang dahilan kung bakit ang Diyos ay nagbuhay-tao upang ang tao ay magkaroon ng bagong pagkakataon na magbuhay-Diyos muli. Isa ang layunin ng biyaya ng Pasko: ang ating malayang pagpiling tanggapin ang paanyaya ng Diyos na maging kasapi tayo muli ng Kanyang Pamilya sa langit. Ang kahalagahan ng pamilya ay ipinakita mismo ng Diyos nung pinili Niyang makipanayam sa tao sa pamamagitan ng isang pamilya. Bagamat bilang Diyos, kaya Niyang bumaba mula sa langit sa paraang kakaiba, minabuti Niyang mapanganak katulad natin at maging myembro ng isang pamilya. Tiniis Niya ang lahat ng sakripisyong dulot ng pagiging anak ng isang karpintero at simpleng babae upang ipakita sa ating lahat ang tunay na halaga ng pamilya.
Pagbati Mula sa Diyos
Sa may bahay, ang aming bati, Meri Krismas na malwalhati‌ Oo nga naman, tuwing araw ng Pasko, ang unang binabati ng Diyos na naging tao ay walang iba kundi ang bawat pamilya sa kani-kanilang tahanan. Mula sa mga araw ng Simbang Gabi kung saan ang maraming pamilyang Kristiyano ay siyam na araw na nagsisimba ng madaling araw, hanggang sa gabi ng salu-salo o Noche Buena, at ang masasayang family reunions sa mismong araw ng Pasko, ang puso ng bawat myembro ng pamilyang Kristiyano ay nagiging bukas muli sa biyaya ng Pasko. Isabuhay po natin ang biyaya ng Pasko. Tandaan po natin ang paanyaya ng isang klasikong awiting pamasko: Tayo ay magmahalan, ating sundin ang gintong aral. At magbuhat ngayon, kahit hindi Pasko ay magbigayan. MABUHAY ANG BAWAT PAMILYANG PILIPINO SA PAG-IBIG NG BANAL NA PAMILYA. n
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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3
FAMILY NOTE
FamilyMatters
Reclaiming the essence of Christmas
bookmark Cut out and paste on a cardboard, punch a hole, and put a ribbon through.
Ask anyone their favorite time
of year, and for most, it’s Christmas, hands down. After all, it’s the happiest, brightest, and coolest season of the entire year. Kids eagerly look forward to it in anticipation of their aginaldo. Students count down to it for the school break. Office workers can’t wait for it to arrive because it means 13th month pay and Christmas bonuses, office parties, and raffle prizes. Indeed, no matter how bad the year may have been—the Philippines lashed by super typhoons, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, what have you—the way we Filipinos see it, nothing can stop Christmas. Tuloy pa rin ang Pasko. So when December rolls in, we will still go through with our traditional Christmas shopping sprees and food preparations. We will still brave the horrid traffic, pay the inflated prices of Pasko-related food, and barrel through crowded shopping malls and tiangges so we can brighten our homes with holiday decor, hold exchange gifts, and create lavish dishes in time for the Noche Buena. In the mad dash to ensure Christmas gets celebrated without fail, however, we tend to forget what the season is truly all about. And this issue of Family Matters is a gentle reminder of what we may have overlooked as we get caught up, ironically, in the “spirit of Christmas.” In “Dinner Divine” (page 16), the writer talks of the “truth about Christmas”—about the fact that what we should really be celebrating is Jesus Christ making the ultimate sacrifice to be born among us to redeem mankind. “Let’s Take It Slow” (page 14), meanwhile, brings into the open the outright “consumerism of Christmas,” and how this needs to be countered by “reeducating” the family that Christmas is an occasion for reflecting, seeking meaning, and doing good. Last but not the least, Fr. Drans in his regular opinion piece (Homework, page 2) reminds us of the “blessings of Christmas,” and how the Yuletide presents a rich opportunity not just to renew ties but also to heal conflicts and extend forgiveness within families. It is, moreover, an open invitation from God to join His holy family. To our dear readers, we hope you enjoy this special holiday issue we’ve prepared with care, even as we leave you with something to reflect on: What does Christmas really mean to you? Blessed Holidays from all of us at family Matters!
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
necessarily about
things. It’s about
being good to one another, it’s about
theIChristian ethic, don’t think it’sChristmas about kindness. is
�
necessarily about
things. It’s about - Carrie Fisher
being good to one another, it’s about
the Christian ethic, it’s about
kindness. - Carrie Fisher
Illustration by Arabella Jane
4 FamilyMatters
Christmas is
Photo by Jun Pinzon
Romelda C. Ascutia, Editor E-mail: rascutia1000@gmail.com
I don’t think
LETTERS
FamilyMatters Spiritual adviser Volume 2 * Number 3 December 2014-February 2015 PUBLISHER Don bosco Press, inc. ADVISER fr. bernard P. nolasco, sDb EDITOR romelda c. ascutia ART DIRECTOR haidee afable COLUMNIST Maria graciella jasmina g. sanchez CONTRIBUTORS Maridol rañoa-bismark aileen carreon rolando c. delos reyes ii excel v. Dyquiangco erlinda esguerra cecilia esperanza ruth Manimtim-floresca annabellie gruenberg stephanie Mayo ross valentin, M.D. DBPI-MMS PHOTOGRAPHERS Maria Patricia r. baltazar raymond s. Mamaril PRODUCTION MANAGER early Macabales CIRCULATION Don bosco Press, inc. HAIR & MAKEUP ARTIST ranilo D. gabor LEGAL COUNSEL sapalo velez bundang & bulilan law offices Printer Family Matters is a quarterly magazine published by Don Bosco Press, Inc. Antonio Arnaiz corner Chino Roces Avenues Tel. No. 816-15-19 All rights reserved © 2015 by DON BOSCO PRESS, INC. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without permission from the publisher. Tell us what you think! Your news and views are welcome. E-mail us at familymatters14344@gmail.com. All submissions become the property of FamilyMatters and will not be returned. Letters may be edited, and full names will be published unless otherwise specified by the sender.
Great cover story about four widows (“Widows’ Might,” September-November 2014) and how they were able to overcome the loss of their beloved husbands to become the pillars of strength of their families! It’s so heartwarming and inspiring not just for widows or widowers but also for single parents and even spouses whose partners are working overseas. It shows that while having a complete set of parents is the ideal setting for raising a family, even those who must do it alone can succeed in bringing up children who are responsible, well-adjusted, and accomplished. The key lies in having God as the head of your family and your spiritual adviser in parenting. Thank you for this hope-filled article! Dina tiamzon
I find all your issues worthwhile to read from cover to cover! Family Matters offers relevant and practical ideas that students like me can apply in school, at home, and in social situations. Thanks and more power! francis g.
It’s OK not to be perfect
Thank you for the inspiring feature article on learning to love your body as it is (“In All Shapes and Sizes,” September-November 2014). I totally agree with the expert’s opinion that it is good to have a healthy interest in your physique and to highlight your best features, but not to the point that the quest for perfection leads to either obsession or depression. It’s also true that media have a lot to do with our preoccupation with acquiring a model’s body. We should be allowed to see more “real” bodies on the screen that are not the products of excessive workouts, self-starvation, or pill-popping to lose weight or build muscle. The article is right on the mark that we should focus more on being healthy and developing our skills and talents. We also need to be less critical of ourselves and of others and to welcome our diversity. It’s inner beauty that truly matters.
kring Polotan
The tragedy of youth suicide
I salute your magazine for bringing to light the fact that youth is not always a state of being carefree or having every day as bright and sunny (“A Cry for Help,” September-November 2014). Just like adults, young people can also experience pain and misery arising from family problems, abuse, gender issues, etc. Suicide among the young is a tragic reality that society has to face and act upon. And what I appreciate about the article in that it stresses that the prevention of suicide is a collective responsibility of parents, caregivers, teachers, school administrators, and guidance counselors. Indeed, we should all be more sensitive to their cries for help and be more proactive in saving our young. If they are no longer around, what will our future be?
Mrs. cruz-capili
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
FamilyMatters
5
FRAMEABLE
THE
Year OF THE Poor
2015
heed the church’s call to live a life of simplicity, contentment, and generosity. BY FR. BERNARD P. NOLASCO, SDB reaching out and being enriched. This year is the best time to go out of my comfort zone and be involved in activities that will make me more aware of the plight of the poor in my community. Being poor in spirit encourages me to offer not only material things, but also my time, my talents, and my very presence that is filled with the love of Christ.
letting go and letting god. Chances are, I have so much personal stuff that I do not use or need anymore. Being poor in spirit makes me bring them to some charitable institutions. As I let them go from my heart, I let God’s graciousness occupy the space they left in my heart.
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DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
living simply that others can simply live. Life becomes stressful because I focus on what I do not have rather than on what I have. To be poor in spirit tells me to enjoy what I have so that I get to learn to simply live with the present. And with this happy disposition, I become a present to others, too. Pope Leo the Great reminds us that when the Lord Jesus said blessed are the poor in spirit, He clearly shows that the kingdom of heaven is to be given to those who are distinguished by their humility of soul rather than by their lack of worldly goods. Let us, then, allow the spirit of the Year of the Poor to fill our hearts and be truly blessed in the eyes of God.
Illustration by Arabella Jane
The Catholic Bishops Conference of the Philippines has declared 2015 as the National Year of the Poor. From the First Sunday of Advent 2014 to next year’s Feast of Christ the King, the Catholic Church in the Philippines is encouraging every Filipino to be Poor in Spirit and to develop in his/her heart a preferential option for the poor after the example of the Vicar of Christ, Pope Francis. Below are four points that may help us live the spirit of this Year of the Poor.
buying only what i need and not what i want. Consumerism influences me to buy what I want, and even to go for the branded and more expensive items. To be poor in spirit tells me to be happy with having only what I need and never to give in to the cravings of what I only want even if I can afford to buy them.
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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BEHAVING
A
night TO
remember
Young men and women must be made aware of the real meaning and purpose of the most anticipated social event in high school. BY ROLANDO C. DELOS REYES II, MA ED. RGC
8 FamilyMatters
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
When you ask people
what they regard as the most memorable event of their high school life, they will often say it was either graduation day or the Junior-Senior Promenade. The JS Prom, as it is commonly called, is an emotionally charged and culturally hyped school tradition that takes high school teenagers, both boys and girls, into an excited frenzy, particularly when the months of January, February, and March come around. This tradition has its roots in Western civilization, particularly in the United States, and was passed on to us by our ancestors. And with the Filipinos’ colonial mentality, we are quick to catch up with the U.S. trends in fashion and behavior in preparing for this momentous event, even when these are sometimes no longer worth emulating.
too coMMercializeD
Let us see some statistics presented by Aaron Kirkpatrick in his article, “Families Spent How Much on Prom Last Year???” published April 8, 2014 on youthministry360.com. n The average American family spent $1,139 (approx. P50,000) on prom last year. n Families making less than $50,000/ year and single-parent families spent significantly more than the average. n Families spent 5% more on prom in 2013 than in 2012. These data are alarming for showing us how commercialized the JS Prom has become, to the extent that it has all but lost its main purpose: to be a rite of passage for adolescents entering into young adulthood through a cordial encounter between the opposite sexes. Let us revisit the ways we can restore the true meaning of this memorable event to our youth.
asking out a Date
Of course, it is fundamental that young men be taught how to ask young ladies to be their date to the prom—it defeats the purpose of this big night if they go as stags.
The JS Prom’s main purpose is to be a rite of passage for adolescents entering into young adulthood through a cordial encounter between the opposite sexes. Some teens use their creative minds when asking out a lady. One rode a zipline towards his prospective date during their school fair, holding flowers and a placard saying, “Will you be my prom date?” Even in this modern age, we must act according to our design, with the man actively pursuing the woman, and the woman waiting enthusiastically. Though ladies would normally say yes, there are rare moments when one of them might decline, and the young man should learn to accept the refusal graciously and invite someone else. When intending to take a girl to the prom, a gentleman should always ask permission from the lady’s parents by making a formal visit to their home. Doing so will allow the parents to form their first impression of him, and decide DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
FamilyMatters
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BEHAVING
How we look reflects our character and our value— exposing less of the body exposes more of the person.
whether he can be entrusted with their daughter’s care or not. After the chase, the preparations begin. Everything should be well thought of, especially one’s fashion choices, from choosing the dress or tuxedo and pants down to the shoes, to selecting the perfume, hairstyle, and makeup to complement the outfit. And the basic principle underpinning all of this? Modesty. How we look reflects our character and our value—exposing less of the body exposes more of the person.
the big night
Since high school teens are normally not yet allowed to drive, the young man’s parents should step up and offer to drive both their son and his date. They should pick her up from her house, cordially greet her parents, and thank them for allowing their son to accompany their daughter. Once the young couple arrives at the prom venue, the night of chivalry begins. The young man’s main task is to make sure the lady is comfortable. He has to know how to introduce her properly to his school mates and teachers—not to make her tag along like some trophy
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DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
date for other people to envy. It will be good to introduce his date to some of the ladies in the room through his school mates so that she can partake in the general conversation. He must never abandon her, unless he is needed onstage or has to go to the bathroom. He must be sensitive to her needs, and the lady can help by expressing her concerns clearly. Gentlemen are called to be knights, and ladies are called to be princesses on this night to remember. Dancing can be tricky, which is why teachers of social graces take the time to choreograph the formal cotillion dance. But after the formalities are done away with and modern music blares, it’s the chance for the partners to dance their hearts out. Don’t worry if you don’t know
He has to know how to introduce her properly to his school mates and teachers—not to make her tag along like some trophy date for other people to envy.
how to dance—there’s a reason why the lights are made to flicker at this time.
the after-Party
Our hedonistic culture invented the “after-party” of the prom. Recognizing our dignity as persons created in God’s image, it is appropriate to just end the prom when the prom ends. The young man should bring the lady back home to her parents immediately after the prom, again thanking them for the opportunity to have a wonderful time with their daughter. Of course, the two teens can agree to exchange numbers and social media accounts, and probably make plans for another date. Remember that dating is a means to know the other person more, preparing the persons involved for a more serious status to their friendship. Anything less is a show of disrespect for the person’s innate dignity as a son or a daughter of God. “Let no one look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in your speech, conduct, love, faithfulness, and purity.”—1 Timothy 4:12 n
PREVENTING
37
EAT-SMART RULES FOR A
safe
Christmas
The holidays are the perfect excuse to spoil ourselves with great food. If we’re not careful, however, the food we eat can spoil our holidays. BY ROSS VALENTIN, M.D.
With the abundance
of parties we get to attend during Christmastime, getting a tummy ache is not farfetched. But is it just indigestion or something more alarming? Food poisoning caused by disease-causing microorganisms is more common over the holidays, and it can lead to serious health problems like diarrhea, vomiting, and dehydration. It can even put your life in danger!
DECEMBER SEPTEMBER-NOVEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015 2014
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11
PREVENTING
Even if food still looks and smells fine, remember that its color and texture are not reliable indicators of safety. in the kitchen
So to ensure a trouble-free Yuletide break, Family Matters gives you a buffet of food safety tips to keep in mind so your family can truly savor the spirit of the season.
at the grocery
1. To minimize food-borne illnesses, apply safety practices when making your purchases. 2. Buy only food that has been processed for safety and comes from clean, reliable, food-agency certified sources. 3. Take note of the shelf life, expiration dates, and physical appearance of containers. Check that packages are not torn. 4. Choose fresh fruits that are not damaged or bruised. 5. Do not buy freshly cut food items that are not refrigerated. 6. Make fresh meats the last to go into your shopping cart. 7. Separate raw meat, poultry, and seafood from fresh fruits, vegetables, and ready-to-cook items in the cart. Raw foods should also go in separate grocery bags so their juices don’t drip onto other foodstuff.
8. Wash hands and clean surfaces before and after food preparation. Microbes can survive on your hands, and on items and places around the kitchen, including pans, utensils, cutting boards, sinks, and countertops, and be transferred to other food and other people. 9. Always wash hands with running water and soap for 20 seconds before and after handling food. Scrub the backs of hands, between fingers, and under nails. 10. Wash with soapy water or sanitize with diluted bleach solution all items that came in contact with uncooked food during preparation. 11. Remind other food handlers to wash their hands, too. 12. Before cutting or peeling fresh fruits and vegetables, always wash them to prevent bacteria on the surface from going inside. Don’t use soap, detergent, or bleach; rinse in clean running water only. 13. Firm produce like cucumbers and melons should be scrubbed with a clean produce brush. Dry them with paper towels or clean cloth towel after.
avoiD crosscontaMination
14. Use separate cutting boards for fresh produce and for raw meat, poultry,
Microbes can survive on your hands, and on items and places around the kitchen, and be transferred to other food and other people. 12 FamilyMatters
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
seafood, and eggs. Replace a worn and grooved cutting board with a new one. 15. Use separate plates and utensils to hold raw foods and cooked foods. The juices left on the plate from raw meat can spread bacteria to cooked food. 16. In the refrigerator, also separate fresh produce from raw meat. Place raw meat in containers or sealed plastic bags to prevent dripping or leaking of juices onto ready-to-eat dishes.
cook fooD thoroughly
17. Keep in mind that eating foods that are raw or undercooked can lead to poisoning. 18. Never half-cook or partially cook food with the intention to finish cooking it later. When you do this, the risk of bacterial growth increases. 19. Bacteria quickly multiply in temperatures between 4°C and 60°C (40°F and 140°F), also called the “danger zone,” so food must always be cooked in a high enough temperature to destroy them.
20. To ensure the right internal temperature, use a food thermometer every time you cook. Place it in the thickest part of the food, away from bone, fat or gristle. Check also the temperature in several parts of the food to make sure it is cooked to a safe minimum internal temperature. 21. As food cools after cooking, bacteria can start to grow. It is important to keep food hot at 60°C (140°F) and above after cooking and during mealtime. 22. Cooked meat can be kept hot in a warming tray, slow cooker, or chafing dish.
Use separate plates and utensils to hold raw foods and cooked foods. The juices left on the plate from raw meat can spread bacteria to cooked food.
after meals are over. Cool warm foods before placing them in the refrigerator or freezer. To cool warm dishes faster, divide into several clean, shallow containers.
refrigerate or freeze asaP
thaw it right
Illustration by Arabella Jane
23. Foods should not be left outside the refrigerator or freezer for more than two hours to minimize the time they stay in the “danger zone.” 24. Refrigerate foods that spoil quickly, such as milk, eggs, meats, fruits, and vegetables. 25. Refrigerate perishable foods within one hour in summer or if room temperature is above 32.2°C. 26. Uncooked foods, such as cold salads or sandwiches, should be consumed at once or refrigerated promptly.
27. Make sure the temperature of your refrigerator is 4°C and below. Use a thermometer to ensure this. 28. Meat and poultry will stay safe for a long time if kept frozen at -17.8°C (0°F). For longer freezer storage, wrap them in aluminum foil, heavy-duty plastic wrap, freezer paper, or plastic bags made for freezing. 29. During brownouts or power interruptions, thawed or partially thawed food in the freezer may be safely refrozen if it still contains ice crystals or is kept at temperatures of 4.4°C (40°F) or below. 30. Food in the refrigerator should be safe to eat if the power outage is no more than four hours. Keep the door closed as much as possible. 31. Discard perishable foods (such as meat, poultry, fish, eggs, and leftovers) if they have been kept at temperatures of above 4.4°C (40°F) for over two hours. 32. Refrigerate leftovers quickly
33. The best way to thaw raw food is in the refrigerator. Transfer from the freezer to the refrigerator and allow it to defrost. 34. Never thaw at room temperature (20°C to 24°C) as this encourages bacterial and fungal growth and food poisoning. 35. Frozen food can also be thawed during cooking, in cold water (place in a watertight, plastic bag, and change the water every 30 minutes), and in the microwave oven. 36. Once thawed, food should be cooked, consumed, and never refrozen. Cook food after defrosting until steaming hot. 37. Even if food still looks and smells fine, remember that color and texture are not reliable indicators of safety. It can already harbor toxins and harmful microorganisms. Even tasting it may not be safe. Our country is noted for having one of the happiest and longest Christmas celebrations in the world. It’s also our busiest time of the year, so it can be so easy to let down our guard and become sloppy in the kitchen. Stay alert! n
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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13
BALANCING
WHY THE
Christmas
rush?
This Christmastide, choose to celebrate the birthday of Jesus on your own, not society’s terms. BY RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA
of fun and celebration with loved ones. But if moms are to be honest with themselves, many will admit that the demands of the season can put more stress on their already frenetic life. “Holidays always give me an emotional roller-coaster ride with the crazy traffic, crowded malls, last-minute shopping, and peer and family pressure to attend parties and reunions,” shares teacher Louis Parian, mom to a teenage daughter. For PR practitioner Elaine Gallardo, customer service representative and mom of two Luisa Legaspi, and interior designer and mom of two Denise Dangilan-Barbers, stress comes from the need to reallocate the budget to complete their holiday grocery shopping and make gift purchases for everyone. “One of the things that stress me during Christmas is planning for other expenses to make sure my budget covers them all,” says Denise. Aletha Redondiez, a craft enthusiast, admits it can be overwhelming thinking of all the preparations she has to do before Christmas— putting up the Christmas decor around the house, planning the menu, and buying gifts.
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Illustration by Ricus Afable
Sure, Christmas is a time
Have a Calm Christmas! Photos by Odie Aliwalas
Moms share practical tips for coping with holiday stress. Consider buying gifts online instead of shopping in crowded malls. – Aileen Salvador
consuMeD by consuMerisM
Dread over the approaching holidays is understandable, being the result of
how society has allowed materialism and consumerism to dictate the Yuletide tradition, according to licensed guidance counselor and counseling psychologist Joyce Mondejar-Dy. “Society, in general, has corrupted the true essence of the Christmas season, which has become a big revenue-generating period,” says Mondejar-Dy, who is also an executive coach for well-being and proprietor of JMD CompetencyBased Executive Coaching Services. Succumbing to the pressure to live up to others’ expectations of how Christmastime should be spent— noisy, extravagant, and expensive—is “a superficial way of fulfilling one’s deep need for acceptance and belongingness.” Moreover, “it can drain your financial purse and your wellbeing, while you lose focus on what is truly essential, such as planning for a [much-needed] vacation that can invigorate and refresh you instead,” she points out.
back to basics
Mondejar-Dy believes that how one spends the Christmas season should be a personal matter. It is possible to have a quality holiday celebration with the family that is marked by serenity, meaning, even reflection. “We need to spend Christmas as a time to [encourage] our community to reflect and actively act on the true spirit of Christmas, as evidenced by the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. We need reeducation on how we can preserve our well-being and relationships during vacations seasons.” According to Mondejar-Dy, one can choose to have a serene Christmas by
Budget wisely by buying gifts wholesale or in bulk. Even if you’re giving the same gift to several people, at least everyone will have one. – Luisa Legaspi Illustration by Ricus Afable
As for tutor and mom of three Aileen Salvador, she can only burst out: “Even though I start preparing for Christmas as early as October, by the time December rolls in, I’m just halfway through! So I get more stressed when I see Facebook posts saying ‘Done with shopping!’ or ‘Wrapping things up!’ It makes me wonder how come they seem to have too much time on their hands, or if they just have good time management skills?”
Plan ahead. Leave early to avoid the traffic and rush hour. Buy gifts in one department store to save you time. Give gift certificates to avoid the frustration that people will not appreciate what you give. Stock up on supplies and buy food instead of cooking for potluck get-togethers. Learn to say “no” to too many parties and reunions. Make it a rule not to overindulge or overspend. If things become overwhelming, take some time out to pamper yourself. Go for long drives and just enjoy nature, like I do. – Louis Parian
planning it with the family early on. “Make Christmas an opportunity to bond with your children to reclaim the true meaning of the season,” she advises. “Fill it with the value of doing something good for ourselves and for others.” And from a more practical perspective, “find time to clean the house together as a family so your abode is ready for the New Year, which is a time for thanksgiving and preparing for new challenges,” she adds. She reiterates: “Christmas need not be celebrated with too much spending.” “Choose to be prudent in the management of your time and resources.” n DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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BONDING
Dinner
divine
The Noche Buena remains an enduring, vibrant Christmas tradition, with members of the Filipino family ďŹ nding ways to share it with each other even when living oceans apart in different time zones. BY ERLINDA ESGUERRA
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Noche Buena.
Photos by Yul Sabio
The very word evokes memories of the fondest, most loving night of the year, the hours when Christendom waits to celebrate the coming of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. Noche Buena… The Good Night. That magical time when the whole world stops to savor the taste of what divine love could be. For it is God’s love that made Him reach out to us, His lost children, telling us that He has reconciled us to Him, and that He has opened wide the gates of heaven through the blood of His own Son. Truly it is the blood of His own precious Son that paid for our sins, that earned us redemption. We could not save ourselves through our own good works, no matter how hard we tried. And that is the too-good-to-be-true news at Christmas. Sometimes this truth gets lost amidst the many festivities that we choose to occupy ourselves with. The Philippines has one of the longest celebrations of Christmas in the world, and we are among the busiest when Christmastime comes around. It seems we as a people don’t want to let go of the feelings of gaiety, of the camaraderie and the warmth.
Sometimes the truth gets lost amidst the many festivities that we choose to occupy ourselves with. This busyness is just an offshoot of that simmering, tingling feeling inside of us, the thrill of Christmas. We are all suckers for those Christmas decorations in the malls, the endless sales, the special offers and bargains, the Christmas carols, the smell of food coming from those tiendas.
Different versions
And finally, the big day arrives. Everyone pretends to be caught by surprise—Christmas
is finally here. Whether we finished our Christmas shopping or not, Noche Buena is finally here, the culmination of all the build-up of activity. I recall that Noche Buena had different versions in our family. There would be the great and grand Noche Buena in our parents’ home where all relatives—aunts, cousins, nieces and nephews—gathered for a reunion. There would be the usual exchange of gifts. This Noche Buena happened on the eve of Christmas or on Christmas Day itself. It was common practice for each family to bring a dish, and there was DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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BONDING always lechon, ham, queso de bola, crispy pata, embutido—the list was endless. It was not just a gastronomic feast but a feast for all the senses. I want to go on a food trip even now as I write about these delicacies. Then there was the other Noche Buena, the intimate family dinner celebrated with just the members of my own family—my husband Jim and my two daughters Yayie and Cristina. These private memories of Noche Buena will always be carved in my memory. I can still remember when the two girls were around 10 and 7 years old. The most ordinary things they did then become extraordinary when seen through the lens of time. I see Yayie draining the two cans of fruit cocktail. Her specialty was the fruit salad because she loved it so much. Then Cristina, the younger one, would help mash the chicken relleno stuffing as if it were clay, and ever so gingerly put everything back into the chicken cavity. Jim would take care of the rest of the food except the desserts, which was my territory. Jim made a mean crispy pata, lechon sa horno, barbecue, and so many other things. He always had a special touch and was the acknowledged Expert Cook in the clan. Nothing reminded me more of Christmas food than the smell of his ham simmering in a giant pot, what with all that sugar and pineapple juice wafting
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through the air. Jim would even give us a tiny bit of champagne in a beautiful champagne glass just to remind us of how special the occasion was. The girls would chime in, “Sosyal naman!” This was followed by us opening our gifts to each other, including the gifts from Santa Claus. Just seeing the sheer joy in my daughters’ eyes I considered one of the miracles of being alive. By tradition, we made the Santa Claus gifts, like bicycles, the more special presents, and the girls were always ecstatic when they received them. And, of course, there was a lot of hugging going on.
noche buena in evolution
But wait. That scene was 20 years ago. Time has flown by. I’m now a grandma, and Yayie and Cristina are both married, each with a daughter. Cristina and I have been in the U.S. for at least 10 years, while Yayie has stayed in the Philippines, and we just have occasional visits with one another. What’s for Noche Buena now? Although we still have relatives here in the U.S. for the great big Noche Buena, the intimate version remains to be with
May they never forget that it isn’t just about food, but about something bigger, about things that will never change.
Jim, me, and Cristina’s new family. The Noche Buena fare has changed a bit, since Cristina is married to a Peruvian. So expect to see some fajitas and beans and ceviche on the Christmas table, together with the universal spaghetti and ham. I still make sure the fruit salad is there. Meanwhile, as we eat our AsianSouth American Noche Buena, we see Yayie and her family through the Skype camera. The two groups gather around their dinner tables as though in a time warp, taking our fill of lechon, crispy pata, queso de bola, embutido, lapu-lapu, and everything else Filipino. Just like old times! Our Noche Buena has indeed gone through some change and upheaval. But whatever fond memories Yayie and Cristina have experienced through all our fun-filled Noche Buenas, it’s their turn to evolve their own style for the next generation. May they never forget that it isn’t just about food, but about something bigger, about things that will never change. May they never forget that it is about the eternal love that God has shown us with His precious gift—the sacrifice of His Son on the Cross—and about the love He expects us to extend to our fellowmen every day of our lives.
PARENTING
Let’s
talk
There’s a TV ad where a couple are having dinner with their teenage son when the father starts to scold his child. As the dad keeps up his tirade, the dining table begins to grow longer and longer, increasing the distance separating parents and teen. Miscommunication and lack of communication between parent and child are one of the saddest things that can happen to a family. The children complain that it is difficult to talk to their parents, and parents say the same thing about talking to their children.
Your age-by-age guide to get through to a misbehaving child without being sucked into a battle of wills. BY ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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PARENTING buDDing talk
Good communication is cultivated, and it starts from birth, with you paying attention to your infant’s expressions and movements to understand what he or she wants. As your infant grows he learns more ways to express himself using sounds, gestures, and body movements, and starts observing how adults react and respond to him. It is at this stage when the communication pattern between you and your baby begins to evolve and define the kind of future interaction you will have with each other.
concrete vs. abstract
The toddler to preschool phase is the time to direct how your relationship with your child should be. The problem arises when parents forget that children think differently from adults. Scolding and punishing for mistakes or misbehaviors will not get you anywhere, since children below 7 years do not fully understand abstract concepts like bad, good, or stubborn. Berating a young one for doing something wrong only makes him or her harbor anger and aggression. Rather than scold, there are two more effective ways to correct very young children for their misdemeanors.
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Good communication is cultivated, and it starts from birth.
One is to show by example. When your kids play and scatter their toys, show them how to clean up afterwards, making it a part of their play process. Tell them and demonstrate how the toys are now going “home” to their bins to sleep. The other is to read to them fairy tales and fables that impart lessons in a language they can comprehend. Keep retelling the story (or even make up your own) for a week or two during bedtime until they start to remember it. Avoid an intellectual analysis of the story, and give simple answers to their questions. When they repeat the wrong action, remind them of the story and the lesson it contains. I have applied similar methods with my preschool students.
Deliberate or not?
By grade school, children love to talk. If you encourage this by listening with sincere interest and without judgment, your child will feel secure talking to you. And when a problematic situation arises, he or she will be more open to a dialogue. When initiating a dialogue with an errant child, sit down and remember to stay calm throughout. Through your tone, make your child feel you find this to be serious matter, and that the end result you want is to correct the behavior or solve the problem. You then need to decide if the child’s action was a mistake or an intentional act. Mistakes need guidance and enlightenment; intentional acts have to be stripped down to their root cause, and consequences must be drawn up appropriate for the misdeed. I remember when four of my Grade 6 students were deliberately late for their first lesson after lunch. I knew that, being preteens, they were at a stage when they wanted to test authority (represented by me). I locked all the classroom doors and ignored their knocking to be allowed in, and proceeded with the lesson. When they sat by the window within hearing of the discussions, I interrupted the class and asked the students if they thought it was fair to let the latecomers in.
Illustration By Ricus Afable
Labels or negative words like “you’re stupid,” “you’re a good-for-nothing,” or “you’re a bad person” must be avoided. My intention was to address the situation without scolding the whole class. And because we had discussions earlier about misdeeds and consequences, the unanimous decision was not to let them in but allow them to listen by the window. After the period I silently allowed the girls to enter, and each one said, “I am sorry, Teacher.” I looked at each of them in the eye and motioned to them to go back to their seats. The whole class quietly waited for me to give a lecture, but I went on with the next subject. At dismissal, I told the four girls to stay behind so we could talk and they could finish the seatwork they missed. Instead of being emotionally upset and taking it personally, I set the mood for an open discussion, asking them first why they did it and what they got out of it. I gave them space to talk. Then I pointed out how their action affected the whole class, how they missed the class discussion, and how they now had to stay behind to do the seatwork. They started to ask questions about how to say no when urged to cut class, about taking responsibility for one’s decisions and actions. They appreciated that I did not embarrass them, so I discussed about the need for mutual respect. The episode did not happen again.
teen sPirit
With high school kids, the ball game becomes totally different. This is the time when things get more emotional (think raging hormones!). Teeners want to test
authority and seek independence yet need tough love, feel misunderstood by their parents, and think their friends (or boyfriend or girlfriend) are the best thing to happen to them. On the parents’ part, they feel hurt that their children don’t talk to them, shut them out, and give them problems. They notice their teens beginning to assert their own identity, perceptions, and ideas. If there was no good foundation laid down earlier for parentchild interaction and communication, a conversation with an older child will often degenerate into fighting. The key to an effective dialogue
Mistakes need guidance and enlightenment; intentional acts have to be stripped down to their root cause, and consequences drawn up.
with your teen about right and wrong is to find the space and opportunity for a conversation (not a fight). Watch out for body and emotional signals for an idea of how to proceed. Be clear about your intentions. Is it to vent your anger and frustration? To lecture and punish? Or to help, correct, and transform? If you want to achieve the latter, be calm and positive (douse fire with water). As the adult, remember that you are the facilitator, and that entails controlling your temper and being on top of the situation. Focus on the action, and avoid accusations, outbursts, lectures, and prejudgments. Even if you disagree, listen first as your child will try his or her best to explain and justify. When he or she has calmed down, say gently that it is your turn to talk. State the facts, and your feelings and thoughts about the situation. Take turns talking and always stick to the problem at hand. Labels or negative words like “you’re stupid,” “you’re good-for-nothing,” or “you’re a bad person” must be avoided. Give praises and show appreciation for past good behavior to remind the child that he or she is capable of noble deeds. Then, you can talk about how to solve the issue and what the consequences of the misdeed will be. It is important to make your child feel accepted in spite of his or her wrong decision, and that you support the actions he will do to make amends. Assure him, too, that you are there any time he needs someone to talk to. And, please, do have a pleasant family mealtime to encourage conversations! n
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Youth
STARRING
Shining bright
Young celebrity Andrea Brillantes is admirable not just for her acting chops on-cam, but also for her devotion to her beloved family off-cam. BY MARIDOL RANOA-BISMARK
Eleven-year-old Andrea Brillantes has achieved and
experienced things not many children her age are likely to ever go through. She has been named Best Child Performer by the Philippine Movie Press Club, and this year, she bested other young nominees to become Yahoo! Celebrity Awards’ Child Star of the Year. The budding star is active in teleseryes (her portfolio includes the defunct Annaliza and the ongoing Hawak Kamay) and an endorser of several products. Her rising popularity can also be measured through social media: She has up to 300 new followers a day on Instagram, and more than 31,000 followers on Twitter.
early struggles
That pretty, smiling face does not, however, reflect her struggles to make it in a tough industry. While she now goes to the set in a comfortable van and waits for her turn to face the cameras in an air-conditioned tent, she was just another struggling child actor a few years back. “She was not an instant star,” said Mabel, the child star’s mother, in Pilipino. “She became an extra first and got paid an P800 talent fee. She had no tent of her own back then.” Her mom adds that this could be why Andrea knows how to value money at such a young age, and why fame has not gotten into her head.
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wise sPenDer
“I also want to be like Maricel Soriano,” she says, and proceeds to mimic classic lines from the actress’s film Kaya Kong Abutin ang Langit. Big dreams indeed. But at the same time, Andrea knows that showbiz can be cruel and fickle, and that she needs a college degree as a fallback position.
The young family breadwinner has a valid reason for saving up. Andrea is shouldering the plane fare and other expenses of her 20-year-old sister, who is going to Dubai for an on-thejob training. She’s also targeting acquiring a house in Batangas, where a well-loved aunt lives, Mabel says. Andrea’s eyes light up as she describes her expectations for the planned family Christmas celebration at Tali Beach, Nasugbu, Batangas, where the family hopes to stay until New Year’s Day.
showbiz hiatus?
faMily orienteD
Andrea is undoubtedly extra sweet and super close to her family. The actress always looks forward to playing Xbox games with her two sisters and a brother on the rare times her schedule is light. She calls Mabel “Mommy Luv,” and she adores her so much she plans to take up the same course her mom studied in college—Fine Arts (Film is another option). And when problems crop up at home, Andrea is inconsolable. One incident she can’t forget is when the family had to rush her now 14-year-old brother to the hospital after a freak accident one New Year’s Eve. While watching the fireworks from their home, Andrea had suddenly thought of making extra noise to greet the New Year. She asked her brother to get her torotot and nagged him so much about it that he rushed off, not noticing that the glass sliding door was closed. He fell hard, blood oozing from his face as shards of glass littered the floor and the stairs. Her brother has fully recovered from his wounds, but Andrea hasn’t forgotten the pain and guilt she felt, knowing she caused the accident. When doing a dramatic teleserye scene, Andrea now summons images of that scary New Year’s Eve to mind to produce the tears.
That pretty, smiling face does not reflect her struggles to make it in a tough industry. DreaM roles
But drama is not the only genre where Andrea wants to prove herself. She wants to play varied roles when she grows up. Her face lights up with excitement again as she says, “I want to play a mermaid and a role in a horror film like that of the doll in Maria Leonora Teresa. I also want to play twins—one good and the other bad—a flying vampire, and a disabled person.”
Her mom says she is preparing Andrea for this. She wants her daughter to take time off from showbiz when her ABS-CBN contract expires one-and-a-half years from now (she has one more teleserye to work on before that). When she goes back to full-time schooling (she is in sixth grade at Ambassador School for Children in Quezon City), Andrea can start enjoying what she has missed by being a working student—regular interaction with classmates, more privacy, and time with the family. Besides, Andrea is nearing that “awkward stage” where stars are considered neither children nor adults, and casting them in roles is hard. “She can rest for two years. She’ll already be a young lady when she returns to showbiz,” Mabel explains. But it seems Andrea wants to continue juggling her time between showbiz and school. Told about her mother’s plans, she responds simply, “Let’s see what will happen.” But Mabel knows showbiz is not forever, and she agrees with the plan of Andrea’s siblings to help their youngest sister through school as a full-time student. Besides, Andrea’s dad also provides financial support for his children’s education, so there’s no problem about coming up with the tuition. This, her family believes, will be Andrea’s just reward for assuming a reallife role as an unofficial Ate—the kind who sacrifices to give her family a good life. No wonder she is blessed. Take a bow, Andrea! n DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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Youth
LEARNING
GET OFF TO A
great great
start! start! These New Year’s resolutions are deceptively simple, but they hold big promise in upgrading your school performance. BY STEPHANIE MAYO
Whenever the year draws to a close, we get a strong urge to make New Year’s resolutions to become better persons all around— as a son or a daughter, a sibling, a friend, a student, a child of God. Of course, as a student, your wish for the brand-new year is to improve your scholastic performance. But know that it’s one thing to come up with resolutions, and another thing to carry them to fruition. It’s better to set small, realistic goals than chase fantasies and dreams. For example, shooting to the top of your class is a lofty goal that will likely just set you up for disappointment big time. It’s not about seeking perfection and expecting instant results—it’s all about incorporating positive changes and good study habits into your academic life. “Simple or little achievements will lead to big achievements — which will then lead to better 24 FamilyMatters
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grades,” says Jhoanna Paula Tacorda, a teacher for eight years now and currently with the De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde. So how should you go about it? Don’t worry because family Matters did the asking and gathered here the advice of teachers, as well as students who have proven that academic success can be a realistic, achievable objective to pursue.
resolution #1: coMMit to change anD stay MotivateD
A strong initial commitment to change is what studies have found to be the secret to making successful New Year’s resolutions. “Psychologists point out that change is a process that begins with thinking about change, planning for change and then actually changing,” according to the Mustangnews.net’s article, “Making a Change: The Psychology Behind New Year’s Resolutions.” But Rosalie Tangonan, who’s been teaching for five years, clarifies that students should not base their motivation on just getting high grades, but on an overall desire to learn. “Stop being grade-conscious,” advises Teacher Rosalie. “Studying is different from learning! If you are working hard to improve your knowledge and you want to know more about yourself and the topic in class, tasks will become lighter.”
One long-term effect of cheating is that you don’t have access to knowledge you never learned in the first place. “You should be motivated by the benefits of high grades after you graduate,” Teacher Jhoanna adds. Demi Barbra Angeles, a fourth year B.S. Computer Science student, does just that, finding her motivation from knowing exactly what her rewards will be. “I think about what I want to achieve in life — stable job, eventually manage my own business, secure a good future for my future family, and have a retirement fund.”
resolution #2: stoP Procrastinating anD craMMing!
“Most students have this misconception that they can only work under pressure or when they are cramming,” says Teacher Jhoanna. “But if they can produce good output in a short period of time, what more if they put more time into it?” “Remember that procrastination will not get you anywhere other than pull your grades down,” says Teacher Rosalie. “Set time to do everything, so that you can submit output not just for compliance but with quality that goes beyond your teacher’s standards. It’s not about the grade you can get from the output, it is how you did your project that makes you learn from it.”
resolution #3: turn away froM vice
Rosalie Tangonan
Taking up vices “will just waste your time, energy, and youthfulness,” warns Teacher Rosalie. “And think about your
Jerwel Adrian De Perio
parents, who are working hard to raise you and put you in a good school.” A wealth of research proves that alcohol and substance abuse have scary, long-term health effects. Cigarette smoking may look cool, thanks to the well-planned ads placed in mass media, but the truth is it will slowly poison your body and give you all kinds of illnesses, from heart diseases to cancers. As for alcohol, it “damages areas of the brain responsible for learning and memory, verbal skills and visualspatial cognition,” reports U.S.-based alcoholcostcalculator.org. “Scientists know that alcohol problems are tied to lower grades, poor attendance and increases in dropout rates… Middle school students whose peers avoid using alcohol and other drugs score higher on state reading and DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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Youth
LEARNING
math tests than other students,” the same website reports.
“Students tend to be all-knowing— especially the smart ones—and forget that their teachers are more experienced than they are,” adds Teacher Rosalie. “Remember that your teachers are professionals, and they dedicated years to learn what they are teaching,” she points out. “So even if you read a lot, there are important things that they will surely impart to you—maybe not just the concepts of their subject matter, but also some tips on how to make your grades and yourself better.”
resolution #4: throw away that KODIGO
“Don’t cheat,” advises Jerwel Adrian De Perio, a fourth year B.S. Business Administration Major in Human Resources Development Management. “Even if your teacher isn’t looking, it isn’t wise to do so.” “Occupational incompetence” is one of the long-term effects of cheating, according to the Global Post article “How Will Cheating in School Affect the Rest of Your Life?” by Christopher Cascio. “One long-term effect of cheating is that you don’t have access to knowledge you never learned in the first place… You never learned those skills, and so you can’t apply them when you need them.”
resolution #5: get to know yourself better
“Students should first and foremost recognize their intelligence or learning style,” says Teacher Jhoanna. “With this primary knowledge, they will figure out how they can learn effectively and efficiently.” “There is no single study method or tip that works for every student, because every student is different,” says Rashid Eldoma, a 12th grade student at Mt. Pleasant High School, California, and a college freshman at Northeast Texas Community College in Texas, U.S. “However, by setting goals and competing against yourself, you can figure out what works for you and constantly improve.” “What are the things you are good at? Use this to creatively remember the things you learn from lessons in schools,” says Teacher Rosalie. “For example, if you are good in music, make a song
Jhoanna Paula Tacorda
regarding your new lesson so that you can understand and remember it well.” She adds: “It is all about patience and perseverance. Don’t stop until you attain your goal as a person and as a student.” “Students should recognize what is positive in them and not be too hard on themselves. They should also start loving themselves more, which can boost their self-esteem and confidence,” counsels Teacher Jhoanna. “They may have poor grades in one subject, but it does not mean that they are bad or poor students!” she continues. “The more they explore themselves, the more they will get to know their talents and skills, which will help them achieve more.”
resolution #7: never be DiscourageD
Rashid, who recently achieved the highest grades in several of his subjects, warns against feeling discouraged when the going gets tough. “Being discouraged and giving up is the bane of academic success,” he explains. “Even if a subject doesn’t come naturally to a student, the student who tries will progress much farther than the student who just gives up. Teachers take notice of those who try and are usually more reluctant to give them a bad grade.” And in moments of failure, never give up on your resolutions. Pick up your list and try again. As Charles Kettering said, “Every time you tear a leaf off a calendar, you present a new place for new ideas and progress.” n
resolution #6: listen to your teacher
Practice humility and respect — learn to listen and pay more attention to your teachers in the coming year. “In any subject, or with any teacher, you should always have an open mind and heart that you will learn something important,” says Teacher Jhoanna.
“Students should recognize what is positive in them and not be too hard on themselves.” Rashid Eldoma
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Youth
DEVELOPING
How to be a
Photos by Lyndon De Vela
perfect date A gentleman’s stepby-step guide to being Mr. Right on Valentine’s Day. BY AILEEN CARREON
Chocolates, flowers, or stuffed animals?
With Valentine’s Day nearing and with a special girl already in mind, you’re probably thinking, “What should I give her on our date?” While a thoughtful gift will certainly gain you plus points, it is your behavior that will make the Valentine’s date an all-around pleasant experience for her. Be her “Mr. Right” on Valentine’s Day by taking to heart these guidelines from trainor and counselor Naira Orbeta and image and etiquette guru Pauli Antoine Porquez Genuino.
Photo by Lyndon De Vela
asking her out
If she isn’t your girlfriend yet, your initial concern will be how to ask her out properly. “I have seen boys ask girls via text or even Facebook or Twitter. I have also seen them ask personally. Sometimes, it’s as simple as ‘Tara, movie tayo,’” observes Orbeta. “It still is more engaging if the boy has the courage to ask in person, use polite language, especially on Valentine’s Day.”
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Youth
BEHAVING
On how to word it, Orbeta suggests, “Just ask concretely: ‘Would you like to go out for a movie on Saturday?’ If Saturday happens to be Valentine’s Day then she would know. If you plan to go out not on Valentine’s Day itself, you can specify: ‘I’d like to take you out for Valentine’s Day dinner,’ if you want her to know that she is your special choice.”
“Answer all her parents’ questions because that will show that you are transparent and genuine, that you have no nefarious motives.” Planning the Date
“Don’t take her to dangerous places. Stay away from all-boys hangouts or even those with just a few girls. This may make her feel unsafe or uncomfortable. Genuino adds, “Do not choose obscure places or one that will entail lengthy travel. Avoid rowdy places that offer alcoholic beverages.” If your date is going to be in a restaurant, “visit the restaurant, review the menu, and make a reservation in advance. Choose a table in a quiet area,
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away from the restroom, kitchen and service route,” coaches Genuino. Also bear in mind that the person who asked should be prepared to pay. Says Orbeta, “You can research places or restaurants to go that would not necessarily cost an arm and a leg.” Besides, Orbeta does not believe that a girl automatically expects a boy to bring her to an expensive place and spend a huge amount on her.
Meeting for the Date
Don’t be late. “If she is at home, offer to pick her up from there because this shows her you are a gentleman and are considering her safety and comfort,” says Orbeta. She continues, “Proper manners also dictate that you take the time to introduce yourself to her parents and family. Make use of language such as Ma’am and Sir, po and opo. Do not presume to call her parents tita or tito on the first meeting. Say thank you for allowing their daughter to go out with you. “Answer all her parents’ questions because that will show that you are transparent and genuine, that you have no nefarious motives. Plus, let them know where you are going, what you are going to do, and what time you plan to have their daughter back, especially if
this is the first time. You can also leave them your cell number in case of emergency.” Moreover, says Genuino, “if you are seated, rise when being introduced. Wait for a parent or guardian to extend his or her hand. Be ready to give a brief background about yourself and your family.” Orbeta suggests that you be upfront with the girl. “If you are carless, you have to tell her from the time you ask her out, not when the date is upon you. Many girls these days are cool being ‘cowboy’, but some are not.” In case her parents insist on bringing their daughter to the venue, Genuino advises: “Be 10 minutes early and wait for your date at the venue’s driveway or drop-off point. Help her alight from the vehicle by offering your hand. When walking, a gentleman always takes the curb side of the pavement. Remember, etiquette does not permit a gentleman to take a lady’s arm… unless, of course, to save her from being run over.”
going out on a Date
Be a gentleman and observe good manners like opening doors for the girl and allowing her to precede you in entering places. “You may gently guide a girl in the mid-back, but this is like a feather touch—almost not a touch at all,” advises Orbeta. Genuino adds, “It is a must for a gentleman to offer his arm to a lady
“Etiquette does not permit a gentleman to take a lady’s arm, unless, of course, to save her from being run over.”
“Do not choose obscure places or one that will entail lengthy travel. Avoid rowdy places that offer alcoholic beverages.” when accompanying her anywhere at night, going down a staircase or a few steps, or when walking a distance.” At the restaurant, pull out the chair for the girl, and have her seated to your right so you can assist her properly when she sits down or rises. “If you did your homework well and reviewed the menu in advance, you will be more confident in suggesting specialties. If you haven’t dined at that restaurant, say it’s your first time and mention good reviews about the dishes or the featured chef. Order in moderation, and try not to overspend. Take it easy and enjoy the moment,” says Genuino. If you’re going to the cinema, Genuino instructs that when entering a row of seats, you should go ahead of your date. Hold her seat down with one hand, and guide her to her seat with the other hand. Once seated, ask if she is comfortable or feeling cold. Always bring a jacket that you can offer to your date. Don’t be fresh and observe proper distance. “As you sit side by side, don’t touch legs or do anything disrespectful or offensive,” warns Orbeta. Focus on the date and put away all gadgets. “Be attentive. Initiate conversation. Ask her questions that are within the proper boundaries, nothing obscene or extremely personal. Also, talk about yourself in a genuine manner.
It should be a two-way interaction, but be careful not to monopolize the conversation,” she further says. Be sensitive, too, to what she does not say. “Like if you lean in too much and she moves away, she may have felt uncomfortable,” says Orbeta. According to Genuino, it is also a definite no-no to look around at other ladies and to let your eyes wander below your date’s chin.
enDing the Date
Thank her for a lovely time. “If she makes a move to kiss your cheek, then chastely accept this. Do not try anything beyond that unless you want to be branded as too forward. Don’t rush,” says Orbeta. Asking a girl to be your date for Valentine’s Day is something special. If you act properly and treat her right, then that’s exactly how you’ll make her feel.
Naira S. Orbeta holds a bachelor’s degree in Psychology and a master’s degree in Guidance and Counselling from De La Salle University. She is a sport psychology consultant at DLSU and works for Moozen Consulting. Pauli Antoine Porquez Genuino is the founder of Etiquette de Manille and Red Archon that help businesses by strengthening their most important asset—people. She is a regular columnist for F&B World Magazine and a contributor to other magazines.
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Youth
GROWING
Welcome TO THE
BY STEPHANIE MAYO
Young people get their first exposure to after-school clubs in grade school and high school. Through groups such as the glee club, drama club, gymnast club, and school gazette, they are able to pursue their interests, hone their talents, and build friendships. In college or university, the selection of organizations you can choose from grows wider. This could make a freshman feel overwhelmed, and he or she may succumb to pressure from persuasive student groups, or get lost in an aimless search for the “right� one. 30 FamilyMatters
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Illustration by Ricus Afable
club
Everything you should know and do before deciding to join a school organization.
Photos by DBPI-MultiMedia Services
n It boosts one’s self-confidence because it gives a sense of being a productive person and being involved in various life-enhancing activities.
Although essential to a student’s personal growth, being part of a student association can also have a dark side. It can lead to stress and poor grades from mismanaging your time between your academic life and org activities. At the extreme, if you join a dubious one, you could put yourself at high risk of injury or even death from initiation rites. In fact, there have been so many cases of violence and deaths related to fraternity hazing and dangerous initiation rites that on September 1, 2014, the government announced the formation of an inter-agency task to reinforce the Anti-Hazing Law. To help steer you away from unsavory student societies, we asked college professors and students to share their knowledge and experiences in choosing the right school org.
why shoulD i join a stuDent org?
For Kiveli Venz Paneda, a professor of Philippine History at the University of the Philippines Manila, student organizations aim primarily to “provide a more holistic college/university life experience to students.” “[Student orgs] help the students become well-rounded individuals by exposing them to extracurricular activities and not limiting them to |the academic aspect of schooling,” says Paneda.
Although essential to a student’s personal growth, being part of a student association can also have a dark side. “When they face the world as adults and professionals, they will come to realize further that their competence in life is not and will never be solely determined by their academic performance or grades.” Paneda points out the many benefits members can derive from a wellintentioned student organization: n It enlarges students’ spheres of interests, friendships, and activities. n It develops interpersonal skills, especially in dealing with not-sopleasant people. n It pushes one to learn time management. n It provides a “safer” outlet for stress than resorting to smoking, drinking, partying, or drug use to cope with pressure.
For Mark Pere Madrona, who currently handles communication and writing classes at the Technological Institute of the Philippines and maintains the awardwinning blog The Filipino Scribe (www. FilipinoScribe.com), school organizations mainly serve as “a venue for students to explore their chosen disciplines and/or personal interests.” Madrona adds that making the correct choice can be highly beneficial to a student. “For instance, some organizations offer free workshops as well as networking opportunities with org alumni. Joining student orgs also allows you to have more friends from other courses and year levels.” Madrona is no stranger to school organizations himself. In high school, he was president of the Philatelic Club and a member of the school’s Red Cross Youth. As a journalism undergrad at the University of the Philippines Diliman, he was affiliated with the UP Broadcasters’ Guild, eventually serving as its vice president during his senior year. On top of that, he was also a news writer for the Philippine Collegian (the university’s official school publication).
how Do you choose the right org?
Paneda urges students to be more knowledgeable about the orgs they are targeting by conducting a thorough research. “Have the orgs been involved in violence or violent/unruly encounters? Are you hearing news about their shady initiation rites?” says Paneda. “Also, try to observe the types of people in the orgs.” Madrona, on the other hand, suggests asking yourself these questions before signing up: n Is the organization active? Does it have a vibrant membership and engage in various activities on its own or in partnership with other groups? DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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GROWING
What is its reputation? Has it been involved in undesirable activities like violent acts and defiance of school policies? Is the org officially recognized by the school? If an org is not formally registered, then it’s probably good to find out why. What benefits does it bring? Does it provide enriching experiences such as workshops and networkbuilding activities? What are the application requirements and application process? Some orgs only impose a certain membership fee, while others ask applicants to go through a lengthy application process. Is the membership fee reasonable? Any amount beyond P200 should be questioned. Madrona recalled one mass communication association in his school that gained notoriety for requiring applicants to engage in fundraising activities. What responsibilities are expected from each member? Although it is
Photo by DBPI-MultiMedia Services
Youth
“Competence in life is not and will never be solely determined by academic performance or grades.”
Reaping the rewards
Members of student orgs speak out about what they have gained. jesu jose ilde salvador, a third year Psychology student at Ateneo de Manila, currently belongs to Kythe-Ateneo and Ateneo Musicians’ Pool (aMp). For Salvador, even though his membership takes away some of his free time, this is offset by the things he has learned that he will not pick up inside the classroom. “It’s a great avenue to pursue hobbies, passions, talents, and the like. One of the reasons I joined aMp is because I love music and I love playing the guitar for people, while I joined Kythe-Ateneo because I find interaction with kids in the hospitals to be honorable and fulfilling,” Salvador says. Pocholo andrei sediaren, a second year Communication student at the same university, belongs to Sanggunian ng mga
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Paaralang Loyola Schools ng Ateneo de Manila, Ateneo Association of Communication Majors, Company of Ateneo DancersProduction, Loyola Film Circle, and Ateneo Junior Marketing Association. He shares: “There are a lot of people who are better than you in what you do, but don’t take this as an obstacle. You can use it as inspiration to work harder and do better instead.” Sediaren also encourages building friendships within your org: “Get to know the people in your org well. They’re going to be the people to help you and be behind your back in your journey as an org member.” He also advises fellow org members to set their priorities straight. “Know how to balance your academic and org life. Don’t put too much on your plate!”
a given that being affiliated with a school org requires investing your time, your studies should remain your utmost priority.
saying no
Paneda believes in the importance of being part of a student organization that she herself encourages students to join one. “I would casually ask students, especially the freshman classes I handle, about their interests and whether they already have a prospect organization,” Paneda says. “Then, I try to provide information about an organization and refer them to point persons in the said org whom they can talk to before finalizing their decision to join.” But she advises youngsters not to succumb to pressure so as to save themselves from making regrettable choices. “Expect that you will encounter some insistent and quite persuasive members, so be ready to assert yourself and practice how to decline politely.” And when you’re finally ready to make a decision, Paneda stresses: “Always have a sense of self, for if you know who you are and you are firm about it, you will never be easily swayed by eloquent words or peer pressure. You will then be able to decide for yourself. In the end, it is you who will be joining the org.”
Youth
BEHAVING
ON
active duty
Get to know this officer and gentleman as he relates the training and field experiences he underwent on his way to becoming a police official. BY EXCEL V. DYQUIANGCO
Illustration by Arabella Jane
What Ford Sudaypan
saw as a young child influenced his choice of career when he became a young adult. Growing up, he observed how the people in his impoverished town lived a vicious cycle of poverty, joblessness, drinking, and merrymaking. The young boy, who earned his school allowance by selling plastic bottles and metal scraps, decided he wanted a future that was brighter and more purposeful. The lad also had dreams of going into exciting adventures and explorations when he grew up. “At that time being a police officer was the only profession I could think of that could bring me to different kinds of escapades,” he says. “I remember at a young age that I was asked by my teacher to draw what I wanted to be in the future, and a police officer was what I drew.”
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Youth
CHOOSING criMinology course
(Top and middle) Ford during his batch's PNPA graduation ceremonies in 2007; (bottom) holding his Lakan Distinguished Award plaque from the PNPA Alumni Association while Mom Maria holds his trophy. The award is for 'exemplary and distinguished service in the field of law enforcement and criminal justice.'
So in preparation for his targeted profession, Ford took up Criminology in college at Benguet State University in La Trinidad, Benguet, despite his parents desire for him to take up Agricultural Engineering. Aside from the usual lessons and lectures, the four-year course incorporated Physical Education subjects that included combative sports such as judo, karate, and arnis and even lessons in disarming techniques. “We also had a gun firing subject and the basics of marksmanship,” he says In addition, they participated in field trips and seminars conducted by law enforcement agencies. During their practicum, the teachers created investigative simulation tests held in
“This was to remove our mindset of (being) a civilian and to feel the culture of the academy,” he says, adding that another doctrine they were quickly taught was discipline. “They also teach you the basics of marching and how to handle our rifle, as well as how to clean our garments. Every Saturday, we had a rank inspection where the officers (or our upperclassmen) inspected us from head to foot.” Although hazing was by then starting to be squashed, Ford still experienced some physical encounters. Whenever a cadet had to be punished, he had to choose between physical punishment and academic demerits. He always opted for physical punishment to avoid expulsion for too many demerits. “They
“I can safely say that 70 percent of what you learn in the course can be used when you are already a police officer,” he says. different locations such as parks and school halls that required the students to solve crimes and mysterious incidents. He was also exposed to investigation procedures, though only as an observer, and was once put in the streets to be in charge of traffic management. “I can safely say that 70 percent of [what you learn in] the course can be used when you are already a police officer,” he says.
life at the acaDeMy
After passing the course, Fred immediately entered the Philippine National Police Academy (PNPA) in Silang, Cavite, where a formal reception and short program were held to welcome the freshmen. This was immediately followed by a set of physical exercises. The indoctrination process had started at once.
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would hit me with a metal baseball bat,” he recalls. But he adds that when he was a plebe, he was often regarded as “a good boy” inside the campus, so that whenever he did something wrong, his upperclassmen frequently just talked to him. When he himself became an upperclassman, his character was such that he was considered to be forgiving and lenient. “I have also learned that it doesn’t work when you hit someone with a metal object—it works better when you talk to them instead,” he says. But he admitted to a time when “I lost my temper and hit a plebe on his hands with an arnis.” While still inside the academy, he participated in a recruitment program to sign on with the police force. The
program would allow recruits from the academy to immediately become a police inspector or first lieutenant upon graduation. “I managed to bypass seven ranks,” he says. “But of course, the entrance (procedure) to the academy is rigid. Aside from getting a total of only 300 students, they were also strict with the age requirement of 18 to 22 years old.”
encounter with terrorists
When Ford graduated from the academy, he worked and studied for a year before being deployed to Davao City, but his area of operation extended even to Iligan City, Marawi City, Cotabato City, General Santos City, and some parts of Maguindanao. Since he wanted adventure, he joined the Special Action Force (SAF), a special unit of the Philippine National Police that is engaged in counter-insurgency and counter-terrorism. He underwent commando training before being exposed to the “real world.” “They called us police-soldiers,” he says. “We were doing the job of a soldier, but at the same time, we were doing the job of a police officer. We went to the mountains to hunt for NPAs or the likes of the Abu Sayyaf and other similar groups.”
Marching parades were a regular part of the training at the PNPA.
The cadets were taught to remove their civilian mindset and learned the doctrine of discipline.
Once, there was an operation in Saranggani City where he and his team needed to execute a search-and-arrest warrant against members of a syndicate said to be involved in various crimes including gun trading, cattle wrestling, and political assassinations. He recalls how his group walked for four hours starting at 10 p.m. and reached the target site by 2 a.m.—under heavy rains. Unfortunately, “one man from the syndicate came out to take a leak during that time, saw us and started shooting us he continues. “We fought back and captured the criminals named in the warrant.” That encounter left three bandits dead and two policemen wounded. Ford considered himself lucky that during his entire stay in Mindanao, he was never seriously wounded.
learning anD growing
In 2010, he was promoted to the rank of captain. Today, Ford, who is 31 is studying for his Master in Development Management at the Asian Institute of Management in the belief that a police officer should continue to learn and enhance his or her skills. “I also encourage other police officers to do the same because it does help with their profession, especially when they are already managing a group of soldiers and police officers,” he says. n Ford's work as law enforcer included police-military missions against insurgents in Mindanao. DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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EATING HONORING
We’ve got
company! What to serve for those times when your kids’ classmates or buddies come over to do group study, or just to hang and chill in your house.
Your son comes home
after a game of basketball with his teammates in tow, all ravenous. Or your daughter is part of a team that will be competing in an interschool competition, and they have agreed to do practice sessions in your house. You’re glad your children prefer to do their stuff in your home, allowing you to meet their friends and classmates and to keep an eye on them. But on these occasions, you’re also wondering what to whip up for these youngsters that is not your usual spaghetti-and-hotdog combo fare. Here are some snack recipes that are not only filling and nutritious, they’re unforgettably yummy, too!
BY CECILIA ESPERANZA
Chickpea Dip with Pita Chips Lemon-Mint
Photo by stu_spivack
Serves 6
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2 large whole wheat pitas, split open Olive oil, for greasing ½ teaspoon table salt 2½ cups canned chickpeas, drained and rinsed ½ cup water ¼ cup fresh lemon juice 3 tablespoons olive oil 2 cloves garlic, crushed Salt, to taste ½ teaspoon cayenne pepper 3 tablespoons mint leaves, fresh, finely chopped (plus extra for garnish) 1. Preheat oven to 400ºF. Line a large baking sheet with aluminum foil. 2. Coat both sides of split pitas with olive oil. Sprinkle tops with salt. Using a pizza wheel or knife, cut each pita into 8 wedges; place wedges on prepared baking sheet. 3. Bake on middle oven rack until light golden and crisp, about 6 to 7 minutes. Remove and place on a wire rack to cool. 4. Meanwhile, to make dip, place chickpeas, water, lemon juice, oil, garlic, salt and cayenne pepper in the bowl of a food processor and process until smooth. Transfer to a bowl and stir in mint. Cover and refrigerate for at least 15 minutes for flavors to blend. 5. Spoon dip into a serving dish. Sprinkle with remaining mint. For extra color and added nutrients, you may also garnish dip with two tablespoons diced fresh tomato in the center. Serve with pita chips.
Serves 6
2 tablespoons softened butter 12 slices crusty bread 1 apple, thinly sliced 6 slices cheddar cheese ½ cup fresh basil Spread butter on bread. Layer apple, cheese, and basil over the bread. Top with another slice. In a pan, brown lightly both sides of bread. Serve warm.
Mexican Lasagna Serves 6
Photo by Miki’s Kitchen
Photo by Miguel Ariel Contreras Drake-McLaughlin
Grilled Fruit and Cheese Sandwich
Power surge
kids are always on the go. to ensure their energy levels are always on maximum strength, check out these great tips for keeping their batteries fully charged.
serve meals that have more varieties of vegetables and fruits. The more colorful (especially the dark-green and red-orange types) and the more varied the selection, the better. Pick a healthy source of protein. Some protein sources like fish, chicken, beans, and nuts are healthier than others, such as red meat and processed meat. choose healthy fats. Use healthy oils like olive and canola in cooking, for salads, and at the table. Limit butter and avoid unhealthy trans-fats. offer lots of fresh orange juice. About 200 to 300 milligrams of vitamin C daily is enough to boost energy. be sure your kids get enough iron. Iron is a must mineral for energy because it transports oxygen via red blood cells to wherever it’s needed in the body. Too little iron lowers energy levels.
2 tablespoons olive oil 1 large onion, chopped 2 jalapeños (seeded if desired), finely chopped 1 red bell pepper, cut into ¼-inch pieces 2 cloves garlic, finely chopped 1½ cups black beans, rinsed 1 cup frozen corn kernels, thawed 2 teaspoons chili powder 2 tablespoons fresh lime juice ½ cup chopped fresh cilantro 2 cups salsa 4 cups corn tortillas 1½ cups shredded cheddar cheese Cilantro, for serving Lime wedges, for serving Sour cream, for serving Hot sauce, for serving 1. Heat oven to 425°F. Heat oil in a large skillet over medium heat. Add the onion and cook, covered, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes. Add the jalapeños, bell pepper, and garlic and cook, covered, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are just tender, 6 to 8 minutes. Stir in the beans, corn, and chili powder and cook for 2 minutes. Stir in the lime juice and cilantro. 2. Spread ½ cup salsa on the bottom of an 8-inch square baking dish. Top with tortillas. Spread a third of the remaining salsa over the top (about ½ cup). Top with the bean mixture and ½ cup cheese. Repeat layering with the remaining ingredients. 3. Bake until the lasagna is heated through and the top is beginning to brown, 12 to 15 minutes. Let stand for 5 minutes. Serve with cilantro, lime wedges, sour cream, and hot sauce, if desired.
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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37
LOVE IN ACTION
NONe responds to the call to ensure the marginalized are not forgotten, ignored, or left behind.
No one SHOULD BE in need
BY MARIA GRACIELLA JASMINA G. SANCHEZ
Photo by Angie P. Soliven
No One in Need (NONe)
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is a Catholic movement responding to the call of living a preferential option for the poor. It responds to the call to build not only social communities, but spiritual communities. It responds to the call to be a blessing to the closest neighbor. When we talk about loving our less fortunate brothers and sisters, we talk about bringing the gift of family. We no longer just consider “family� as immediate, but extended. We dream of building one big family in a community. How do we translate this into reality?
founDing one big faMily
First is through time. Time spent with each other is one of the most precious gifts each one could give to a family member. We value time as an expression of care and support. Second is through the teaching of values. Every father and mother envisions their children growing up inculcated with values such as integrity, responsibility, and hard work. We dream of being the partners of parents in instilling these principles in their children. And third is the importance of dreaming big. These children may have been born in situations of poverty and crisis, but there is so much hope in life. Dreams can come to life through a degree earned and passions lived out. We are one with them in their aspirations.
reaching out to kiDs
These are the things we focus on in the “Child and Youth Development” program of the No One in Need
The goal is to reach the kids and the youth of the different sites or depressed areas and work with parishes and parents to raise children to be Godfearing and loving.
Movement. The goal of this program is to reach the kids and the youth of the different sites or depressed areas and work with the parishes and parents to raise children to be God-fearing and loving. This happens through initiating different activities that enhance the children’s sports, school, skills, social, and spiritual involvement. NONe believes in this vision: “less for self, more for others, enough for all.” We value the idea of volunteerism. Volunteers are seen as partners who will not just give their time, talents, and treasures, but whose lives will also be transformed in the process of being involved. We once again value “family” as we envision for the volunteers to consider the brethren they serve as their second families. We believe in the youth. We believe in the future that God has in store for them. We respond to this call of experiencing God’s love together with them. n
Maria Graciella Jasmina G. Sanchez is a lay missionary with the Couples for Christ Foundation for Family and Life (CFC FFL) and No One in Need Movement.
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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GIVE A
gift that givess
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40 FamilyMatters
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
Signs and Wonders is a Lay Catholic Merchandizing that aims to make lifestyle a faith statement. It produces products with Catholic faith statement as a tool for New Evangelization. It also helps fund the mission of Couples for Christ-Foundation for Family and Life (CFC-FFL). For Orders, call: +63 (2) 7220293 www.facebook.com/cfcfflsignsandwonders
PROTECTING
! t s a l b a s ’ t I t the u o h t i ly w e f a s r up ea g Y n i t w h e g he N dition of li t rs. n i e k g a n i a r t m R s se dubiou atening noi e O ANGC life-thr DYQUI
Illustration By Ricus Afable
EL V. BY EXC
Despite the vigorous anti-firecracker campaign implemented by the Department of Health (DOH) as the end of each year approaches, many people still put themselves and others at unnecessary risk by setting off dangerous and illegal firecrackers. Government statistics show just how big the risks are: Holiday-related injuries between December 2013 and January 2014 involved nearly 1,000 firecracker injuries, two firework ingestion cases, and 19 cases of stray bullet injuries. It’s therefore a timely reminder to all of us to keep the merrymaking season safe by encouraging sensible ways to welcome the New Year. What’s more, the money you save from not buying fireworks can be used for more important matters. Instead of using risky sparklers, the DOH advises the public to promote and participate in community fireworks display, and employ alternative noisemakers like car horns, cans, pots and pans, and radio music to welcome the New Year. Your family can also join street parties, concerts, and games. Most of all, use this time to reflect on the lessons of the past year and make resolutions for a better new year. DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
FamilyMatters
41
PROTECTING
watusi
other names: Dancing firecracker, Dancing fire Description: Watusi is the favorite firecracker of children because it gives off delightful dancing sparks when lighted. A few years ago, the government banned the sale of this sparkler, alarmed by reports of poisoning, some with fatal results, among kids. Dangers: If not released quickly, it can cause burns or scratches on the fingers. This poses a hazard because residue left on a child’s fingers may be ingested accidentally or may contaminate the food the child eats. Since the watusi is small and lightweight, many children try to swallow it, leading to poisoning and possible death. first aid: For a child who ingests it, make him or her swallow six egg whites (give more to adult victims). Don’t induce vomiting since the toxic chemicals can burn holes along the esophagus. Bring the patient to the nearest hospital at once.
Photo from http: //magnustoday.net/
bawang
other name: big bawang Description: Bawang got its name because it is shaped like a clove of garlic. It is a round or oblong firecracker that when lit can release thunderous sounds. It comes packed in a cardboard and tied with abaca strings, but know that one-third of the cardboard box is filled with gunpowder. Dangers: This firecracker can cause minor injuries such as scratches or burns, but major accidents can lead to the loss of one’s arm or leg—even one’s life. first aid: For minor injuries, wash wound with running water then dry the injured area with a clean cloth. Apply antiseptic and cover with clean gauze. For major injuries, rush the patient to the nearest hospital or clinic.
42 FamilyMatters
goodbye Philippines
other name: warbot Description: Shaped like a triangle and wrapped in attractive foil, Goodbye Philippines is probably one of the largest firecrackers you will ever get to see. Three times the size of the ordinary triangle, it has been dubbed the mother of all firecrackers. It is not just big in size—even its explosions and fumes are big. Once lit, its impact is so powerful it can set off the security alarms of cars nearby. Dangers: The victim of this firecracker could lose life and limb should it explode near him. first aid: For mild damage, run cold water over the affected area, wipe dry with a clean cloth, and apply antibiotic treatment to the wound. Cover area with gauze. Take paracetamol or other medications if necessary, then head to the nearest hospital. For serious accidents, bring the victim to the emergency room or call an ambulance.
Photo from http://mynameiskt.wordpress.com/ DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
Even if the injury does not seem to be serious, the DOH still advises seeking immediate medical treatment to prevent tetanus, a health condition that almost always leads to death.
Photo copyright Sydney Snoeck
For the pasaway who refuse to heed reason, we show you the dangers inherent in some of the most popular firecrackers in the country. And because and only because our family magazine has a heart for everyone, we also give here some first aid tips on how to handle such unfortunate consequences.
Photo from http://www.livingincebuforums.
big bangers
Piccolo
other names: Piccolo Pirat, Piko Pirat, Mini viking Description: Piccolo is the leading cause of injury during the 2013-2014 New Year revelry. Though illegal and banned in the country, it is still sold on the streets by some vendors. What’s scary about this cylindrical firecracker is that it can take a long time to explode. Dangers: The piccolo can blow off fingers if not flicked off fast enough. And because it is relatively small and lightweight, it can be ingested by children, causing poisoning. Moreover, compared to the triangle firecracker which makes loud, whistling sounds when going off, the piccolo has a soft, weak noise; thus, many children bravely touch a small portion of it when they set it off. first aid: Place the injured body part under cold running water to reduce the heat level. Dry the area with a clean cloth, and apply aloe vera lotion or cream or topical anesthetic to the burned area. Put antiseptic cream on the wound and cover with gauze. If needed, take analgesic or paracetamol then go to the nearest hospital.
BUDGETING
a s m k o a p o m ! a ’ N ‘ Teach your kids not to spend but to save—even invest—their Christmas aginaldo. BY RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA
In the Philippines, children eagerly await the Christmas season,
knowing this is the time of year when they are showered with aginaldo, in cash or in kind, by their ninong or ninang, as well as by their close relatives. Unfortunately, whatever “loot” they collect from the adults around them, and even from going caroling around the neighborhood, is usually spent quickly, often on junk food, toys, or stuff they don’t really need.
DECEMBER 2014 - FEBRUARY 2015
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43
BUDGETING
Even if you can afford to, you should not buy whatever your kids demand, especially if it’s not important or necessary.
Don’t yield to their every whim. Even if you can afford to, you should not buy whatever your kids demand, especially if it’s not important or necessary. If they believe that they will always get what they want, children will likely bring this mindset into adulthood, which can lead to all sorts of financial problems.
Practice what you preach. What parents actually do with their money will influence children more than any admonition or reminder they give. Learn first how to handle money properly before dispensing financial advice, as kids are more inclined to follow what they see rather than what they hear.
teach children to wait. They have to learn the wisdom of taking their time and thinking carefully before buying, especially if it’s something expensive. This helps avoid impulse buying, which often results in heavy debts for adults. Generally, the pricier an item, the longer the wait should be. Encourage kids
Resist giving additional money if your children run out of cash before the next allowance so they acquire a sense of accountability for their actions. 44 FamilyMatters
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to save for it instead of buying it right away. show them how to budget. Give their school allowance weekly (or monthly for college students) instead of daily to force them to spend wisely so the money will last until the next allowance. A daily allowance will not teach budgeting skills and will make the child think it’s okay to spend it all because this will be replenished the next day. Moreover, resist giving additional money if your children run out of cash before the next allowance so they acquire a sense of accountability for their actions.
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implement a “matching savings program.” In this scheme, you just match whatever is left of your child’s weekly or monthly allowance. For example, if P100 is saved by the end of the week, give him or her an extra P100 to make the total savings P200.
Illustrations by Ricus Afable
Alvin Tabañag, a personal money management coach and registered financial planner, says this is why it is very important for parents to help their children learn to value money, and start them young on the road to making wise financial decisions. Here, he shares practical tips for doing these:
let them keep a money box or piggy bank. Encouraging young children to put money regularly in a cash box or piggy bank will develop in them the habit of saving. The savings could come from their aginaldo money and what’s left of their allowance. Try to agree on a certain amount, say P10 a day or P50 a week, and monitor closely if they are indeed putting this much aside. You can also challenge them to try to exceed their target savings amount.rget savi open a bank account in your child’s name. Use the aginaldo or money in the piggy bank for this, or consider putting up seed money for a new savings account in your child’s name as a Christmas gift. Choose one that comes with a passbook so your little one can see money growing each time a deposit is made. You can also start explaining the concept of “interest-earning savings” as reflected in the passbook. Let your child deposit the money himself or herself
Money management 101
Saving and investing strategies for kids as suggested by personal money management coach and registered financial planner Alvin Tabañag: strategy
Pros
cons
Money box or piggy bank
This is effective in forming the habit of saving regularly. When saving has become second nature, young kids will be able to responsibly manage their money once they start earning on their own.
None
savings account
Shows how savings can earn interest while money in the bank grows. Teaches confidence in transacting with banks.
None
For young children
For older children (18 and above) time deposit (tD) account
Young people get to appreciate the value of waiting to earn higher and guaranteed returns.
Returns are low for TDs, but there’s virtually no risk of losing the money. Even if the bank shuts down, deposits are insured by the Philippine Deposit Insurance Corp.
Mutual funds (Mfs)/unit investment trust funds (uitfs)/stocks
This helps young people understand risk-return tradeoff and the value of long-term investments. MFs/UITFs/stocks can grow significantly over a short period, which may make your teen ecstatic and mark the beginning of a lifelong involvement with investing.
Your child could lose a lot of money in these investments. And for a young soul just starting to get his or her feet wet in the world of investing, such losses could lead to longterm fear of investing. So it’s important to start with relatively small amounts and to explain clearly the possible outcome (e.g., you money may either grow or shrink) so that if losses are incurred, it will not be so terrifying or painful.
“It is advisable that kids become familiar with basic investments first before they move on to more sophisticated instruments so that they don’t get overwhelmed,” advises Tabañag. “They will learn better if it’s done gradually.” He adds that parents should temper the expectations of their children about positive gains. “Explain that the value of these types of investments will not keep going up, and can go down anytime.” to boost confidence in making bank transactions. Since most kiddie or teen accounts come with an ATM card, find the time, too, to show your child how to use it. Discuss the family budget with your teens. With older children, help them to understand the importance of properly allocating limited resources to
meet the family’s different needs. Ask them to give input in creating or refining the family budget and solicit suggestions on how to reduce expenses. Their active involvement in forming the family budget will help them become good managers of their own finances when they have their own families in the future. n
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RELATING
Two of a
Raising twins presents a special challenge—it requires parents to balance their kids’ closeness with developing their individuality and independence. BY ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG
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Photos by DBPI-MultiMedia Services
kind
When I was young, I was always fascinated with twins. My early exposure to my father’s twin sisters, my childhood readings of the adventures of the Bobbsey Twins, and the hilarious episodes that happened with the twins in my class made me wish for a twin of my own. To me, it seemed wonderful to always have someone to do things with and be with every single day. Now that I am older, I know that being twins is not all fun—they must also face life realities like we all do, as well as certain struggles that arise from their uncommon situation. Among identical twins in particular, even though they may like being with the other, one common wish is to be seen as separate individuals. How should parents raise twins so that they grow close, yet are not carbon copies of each other? How can the kids be guided so they grow up retaining strong individual traits? Parenting MisstePs
A common mistake with twins is to treat them as one package, addressing them as “the twins.” Conversely, using their individual names will help reinforce their individuality. For example, instead of saying, “Kindly call the twins for dinner,” use their respective names. Say their individual names, too, when talking about them, especially when they are within hearing. Comparing one against the other is another parenting miscue, since it tends to breed rivalry. Being compared to others is heartbreaking for any sibling, more so for twins. Avoid making comparisons like labeling one twin as “the brighter one,” “the more creative one,” or “the less sociable one.” If you must differentiate between the two, you could say something like, “Wendy who is into sports, and Mindy who prefers the arts.” And when talking to them, it is also damaging to say, “Why can’t you be like your brother (or sister)?” Recognize the strengths of each child and nurture their individual talents and skills.
Favoritism likewise has a negative impact on children, whether twins or not. There will always be a favored child who brings home the medals, who is more affectionate and caring,
who is more obedient. But parents must remember that there is something lovable in every child. When disciplining or correcting, strive to be fair and just. If one twin did something wrong, the other should not be made to bear the consequence as well. Also, refrain from reprimanding one child often but letting the other one get away many times. It is important that both twins learn the same values and principles in the home.
encouraging uniqueness
When parenting twins, it is vital to keep in mind that one of your objectives is to make your children see that though they look the same, they have separate
“Being human makes us one. Being uniquely ourselves makes us individual.” —Nancy S. Mure, author of UNidentical Twins
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RELATING TING RELA
To raise their awareness of their separateness, parents can implement solo time with their twins in addition to observing family time. identities. And although they may like doing things together, they also need to have time apart from the other and to exercise independence. To raise their awareness of their separateness, parents can implement solo time with their twins in addition to observing family time. For solo time, Mom can bring one twin to the grocery, while dad can bring the other with him on another errand. Parents can have alternate solo time with each child. This will also help them get to know their children as persons in their own right. Focus on the child you are with, and never badmouth or complain about the other—this is devastating for any child. Another area where individuality can be developed is in the manner
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of dressing, since fashion is also an expression of one’s personality. Understandably, parents love to dress up identical twins in adorable matching outfits and accessories. It may have looked cute when they were babies and toddlers, but not when they’re past those stages. Allow the two the freedom to dress the way they want. To further cultivate their personalities, know and nurture their individual talents and gifts. Encourage and support individual activity; this will help them learn to stand on their own. It may require extra effort on the parents’ part, especially when it comes to attending your child’s solo practices and socials, but consider it as also a good opportunity to have more private time with each one. Be liberal with praise for each child, especially if one twin is struggling with an activity or with selfesteem issues. Both parents and the other twin should show they are completely rooting for the child’s success and development. Another way to inculcate a
sense of self is by teaching respect for the other twin’s possessions and showing how to set boundaries that the other is not allowed to cross. Through what they own, the twins can learn the concepts of “I,” “you,” “mine,” and “yours.” Equally important is to guide them so that their idea of ownership does not go to the extreme and turn into selfishness, largely through gentle reminders (without force or coercion) of the value of sharing.
Doing it right
You know you’re taking the right approach when you start seeing your kids’ budding individual personalities blooming. Accept what each child is bringing forth. It is like knowing that our thumbs have different thumb prints though they belong to one body. As they grow up, the differences will be more pronounced, as seen in their thought processes, reactions, and coping mechanisms to situations. These differences could extend to choosing different sets of friends, or requests for separate coming-of-age celebrations and other rituals marking important milestones. The latter might be difficult for parents to carry out financially, but if they can do it, it will make each child feel special and accepted as individuals. Raising twins promises to bring on double loads of fun because everything is done twice. But what guarantees that the task becomes even more precious and joyful is if parents can also treat their children as separate gifts that God gave to them at the same time.