The Magazine for the Filipino Family
Contents Volume 5 • Number 1 | June-August 2017
2
37 8
45 31
35 REGULAR
2 Homework The Dinner Table as a Gadget-Free Zone 4 Family Note The ‘Problem’ with Millennials 6 Frameable Back to School
PARENTS’ CORNER 8
HONORING
Daddy Love 11 SHARING
From Tiny Seeds
About the
COVER
Dennis Cuizon with his lovely wife Haydee and their four gorgeous daughters.
14 BUDGETING
How to Save for Your Child’s Education 18 PARENTING
Color Blind
21 PREVENTING
Pause Before You Post 45 PROTECTING
Look at Me!
SPECIAL SECTION
THE FILIPINO MILLENNIAL
25 Preparing Millennials for the Future
28 A New Breed of Parents 31 Generation Misunderstood?
YOUTH TALK
35 A Perfect Life-Showbiz Balance 37 Easy A 40 Temper, Temper! 43 The Road Warrior 48 Bobeep’s Conversion June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
1
HOMEWORK
The Dinner Table as a Gadget-Free Parents need to reclaim mealtime as family time filled with happy chatter and good memories. We were always taught a good number of table manners like:
to pray before and after eating. to not talk when our mouth is full. ɷ to wash our hands before eating. ɷ to chew our food with our mouth closed. ɷ to not leave the table when someone is still eating. ɷ to finish the food on our plate. ɷ to engage in healthy conversations with the people we share food with. Basic table manners were once rules that were passed from one generation to another and that, through constant reminders and practice, eventually became the basis for basic human conduct and good manners. ɷ ɷ
By FR. BERNARD P. NOLASCO, SDB 2
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
z
one
Seeing how more and more people are acquiring gadgets and using them as a common personal accessory, much like people did with the wristwatch decades ago, I am convinced that another good habit must be included in the list of basic table manners to teach ourselves and others: No using gadgets while dining. A common scenario nowadays is families eating together in restaurants, with all the members holding a personal gadget or with earphones plugged into their ears. For us who value the presence of people we share food with, such scenario is quite unfortunate and sad. Even more unfortunate is when people no longer see anything wrong with using gadgets while eating together at
the dining table or traveling together in the family vehicle. While gadgets facilitate communication, their misuse and even abuse can harm and ruin healthy communication among people sitting beside each other. Definitely, parents have the moral duty and responsibility to teach members of the family to value each other’s presence. Parents must set a good example of healthy interaction; they have to walk the talk. Children must see how their parents enjoy talking to their partner and to their children, not only during meals but every time they are together. When members of the family truly value each other, they won’t even feel the need to use their mobile phones or other gadgets. Yet, even when there is harmony in the family, coming up with practical rules regarding gadgets is still important in order to guide everyone on proper conduct. If parents animate well their family interaction, then restricting the use of gadgets during family time will be easier to implement. Below are some practical and useful points I learned from some families that I am sharing here with you, dear readers. For lack of space, I will share only four points. All gadgets are off-limits at the dining area. There are families that designate a common area for leaving behind their gadgets on their way to the dining area. And when the family eats out, all gadgets are set to silent mode and kept inside pockets or bags before praying the grace before meals. Gadgets can be used only after the prayer after meals. Use earphones or headphones only when you are alone. To use your earphones or headphones while you are with other people (family or friends) is insulting: It shows lack of or no interest in the people around you. Inform others why you need to use your gadget. It is courtesy to ask family members or friends to excuse you if you need to use your gadget, just like you excuse yourself to go to the restroom. There must be a compelling reason or purpose to use your gadget, and when your companions give their consent, go somewhere else before doing so. Agree on certain ‘punishments’ for ‘ violations’. I place this practical point as the fourth inasmuch as this is very shallow and for beginners only. Much as we do not want people to follow rules out of a desire to avoid punishment, this approach must be taken in a very familial way, where such agreed-upon “punishments” are taken in a very positive way.
If parents animate well their family interaction, then restricting the use of gadgets during family time will be easier to implement. I know of a family whose members take turns in washing the dishes. But if someone violates the policies on gadget use, the violator becomes the dishwasher of that day. A group of friends will often eat out, Dutch treat. But the one who violates the “no gadget” rule will be the one to pay for the group. We can all find creative ways and means to show our appreciation, respect, and courtesy to people around us by avoiding distractions while in their presence. But what matters most is our conviction that we are well-mannered people. Whether one is a Baby Boomer or a Gen X, or a Millennial, good manners in dealing with people remain the same. And if charity truly begins at home, then let good manners begin at home— around the dining table. FM
It is unfortunate when people no longer see anything wrong with using gadgets while eating together at the dining table or traveling together in the family vehicle. Jun June-August ne Aug gustt 20 2017 017 | F FamilyMatters amilyMatters
3
FAMILY NOTE
The ‘Problem’ with Millennials GOOGLE “MILLENNIALS” and all sorts of negative traits come up to describe them. For starters, Generation Y gets called unflattering names like the “Entitled Generation,” the “ADHD Generation,” the “Selfie Generation,” the “Peter Pan Generation.” Memes and gifs also put millennials in a bad light, painting them as narcissists, lazy and overconfident people, job-hoppers, technology addicts, and other similarly pejorative descriptions. But millennial bashing needs to come to an end now. The fact is, looking beyond the stereotyping, millennials actually bring a lot to the table—they are tech-savvy and connected, team-oriented, well-educated, entrepreneurial and innovative, open to change, and so much more. As Fr. Armand Robleza underscores in his article “Preparing Millennials for the Future” on page 25: Millennials own the future. Rather than criticizing them, we would do well to understand how they think, and to learn how to guide them to develop their strengths in order to prepare them to be good parents, businesspeople, workers, and leaders of tomorrow. Perhaps if there’s one thing that youngsters today need to tame, it’s their tendency to overshare everything in social media, including nonstop posting of their selfies. Parents have to be able to assess whether their kids are uploading selfies for the right or the wrong reasons. Check out “Look at Me!” on page 45 to see how you can discreetly probe for these reasons and help a selfie-obsessed child keep this habit in check. Strangely, though, sometimes it’s the children who are embarrassed by their parents’ oversharing of family photos or activities online. Parents, too, need to know where to draw the line, not just to protect their children’s privacy but, more importantly, their identity from criminal or twisted minds in cyberspace. We invite you to turn to page 21 (“Pause Before You Post”) for the essential dos and don’ts of online sharing. This being published in June, it is also our back-to-school and Father’s Day issue. On page 6 (Fr. Drans’“Back to School”) and pages 37-39 (“Easy A”), we have great and timely reminders to make this school year the best ever for you, our returning students—not just academically, but in all other important aspects of your life, from your social relationships and school-life balance, to your emotional and physical growth. And to round off this issue, on page 8 (“Daddy Love”), we celebrate and salute all dads out there. To all the tatays who instill the right values and principles in their children, who tirelessly sacrifice and provide for their families, and whose hearts overflow with love and prayers and dreams for their children, Happy Father’s Day!
Romelda C. Ascutia Editor
Volume 5 | Number 1 June-August 2017
PUBLISHER Don Bosco Press, Inc. ADVISER Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB EDITOR Romelda C. Ascutia ART DIRECTOR Early Macabales CONTRIBUTORS Maridol Rañoa-Bismark Aileen Carreon Rowena Diocton Erlinda Esguerra Excel V. Dyquiangco Gabriel Joshua M. Floresca Ruth Manimtim-Floresca Annabellie Gruenberg Stephanie Mayo Fr. Armand Robleza, SDB Ross Valentin, M.D. COVER PHOTO by BongVideos Production and Framed-Up Production PRODUCTION COORDINATOR Early Macabales CIRCULATION Don Bosco Press, Inc. PRODUCT SPECIALIST Jino Feliciano HAIR & MAKEUP ARTIST Andy Gabor LEGAL COUNSEL Sapalo Velez Bundang & Bulilan Law Offices PRINTER
is a quarterly magazine published by Don Bosco Press, Inc. (02) 816-1519 / (02) 893-9876 Antonio Arnaiz cor. Chino Roces Avenues, Makati City, Philippines
All rights reserved © 2017 by Don Bosco Press, Inc. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without permission from the publisher.
rascutia888@gmail.com 4
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
Tell us what you think! Your news and views are welcome. E-mail us at familymatters14344@gmail.com.
STUDENT’S DAILY GUIDE “More than just a homeworkjournal! It’s a STUDENT’S DAILY GUIDE to excellence!” THE STUDENT’S DAILY GUIDE is an integral LINK among the students, the school, and the home. It is very important in guiding the student’s over-all academic and nonacademic development and progress. It provides an effective way to properly safe keep information about the student’s activities and behavior. It is, therefore, necessary that students, as well as teachers and parents, clearly understand how important the Daily Guide is and how to use it together. It has taken into careful consideration the holistic development of students and has integrated useful tools and features for daily use. It should be the student’s constant companion.
WHAT TO WRITE IN THE DAILY GUIDE? Student’s Homework Teacher’s Remarks Monthly Planner Student’s Excuse Slips Student’s Permission to Be Excused from Class Student’s Tardiness Letters to Parents
It contains special features such as the Special Reflections Sections, where students are provided with pages meant for month-end and year-end use for reflections; Progress Monitoring Sections, where students can record and monitor their test and quiz results weekly before the term ends, and a loose sticker page, which is used to encourage, acknowledge, and remind students in memorable and playful ways.
Can be customized according to your requirements. Don Bosco Compound, A. Arnaiz Ave. cor. Chino Roces Ave. Makati City, Philippines Tel. no. : (+632) 816-1519 • 892-1888 • 893-9876 • 892-2760 Telefax: (+632) 893-9205 • 892-2154• 843-4090
FRAMEABLE
By FR. BERNARD P. NOLASCO, SDB
S eek wisdom and knowledge under the guidance of your educators. * Do not hesitate to ask questions when things being taught are not clear. * Try to apply what you learn in school to ensure that knowledge is gained.
Create an environment that is wholesome and friendly. * Be a good companion and inspire others to be good companions too.
* Join school advocacies and campaigns that promote spiritual, moral, and social values.
Hope for the best and give your best in all your duties. * Do your ordinary duties extraordinarily well. Conquer mediocrity and laziness with enthusiasm and industriousness. *
Organize well your schedule and activities. * Ask any elder at home or in school to help you become more organized. * Clearly set your school priorities and act accordingly.
Offer your time, talent, and service where necessary. * Be available in giving your help as much as you can. Volunteering is praiseworthy, but always respect your limits. *
LIVE, LEARN, LOVE! * Start your day right with the will to live your life to the full. Whatever life offers you today, be open to learning and developing your potentials. * With a grateful heart, love the people around you who make your life * in school meaningful.
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FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
7
Daddy
love
Good fathers share a common desire: to guide their children in the right direction while they are growing up. By GABRIEL JOSHUA M. FLORESCA
June 18ay!
’s D is Father
8
Aside from my mom, I consider my dad to be one of the best persons I have been blessed to know, someone I have shared life-changing moments with through the years. He contributes a lot to who I am today, patiently teaching my brothers and me the values and principles he’d like us to apply in our lives. With Father’s Day just around the corner, I went and interviewed seminar facilitator Eduardo “Coach Bam” Santiago on what it takes to be a great tatay. Every dad will surely benefit from being reminded once again how they can most effectively be a loving, positive, and uplifting influence on their young.
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
PARENTS’ CORNER | HONORING
“
Some fathers seem to fare better than others, especially those who are part of a group, like a church community, for example, where they get to learn from other dads.
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Coach Bam says that having coached so many people, including fathers and their children, for the past six years, he has seen firsthand how most fathers always try their best to raise their children based on their knowledge, resources, skills, faith, and values. He further observes that “there are effective and not-so-effective ways of raising kids,” depending largely on the father’s belief system and on how he himself was raised by his parents. “For example, what does a dad prioritize in life? Work? Family? God? Money?” he asks, adding that a father’s priorities, as well as race, culture, and religion, play a huge role in determining how he perceives what a good father is. “Some fathers seem to fare better than others, especially those who are part of a group, like a church community, for example, where they get to learn from other dads,” he notes. In general, Coach Bam says, a good dad is someone who strives to raise his child in the values and principles that are important to their family and who prepares his child to be a positive contributor to society. A dad to 16-year-old Bryce, the life coach says he always tells his son “to seek God for wisdom in having discernment between what helps and what hurts people.” He continues, “So far, my son has been excelling in academics, as well as in his interpersonal relationships, which I feel is even more important than
grades. He truly cares and looks out for the interests of other people as much as he is concerned about meeting his own needs.”
TOP TATAY TRAITS Coach Bam stresses that being a father is challenging because “there is no school for fathers” and daddies “learn as we go along.” Having said that, he shares three qualities he believes make for a wonderful dad: Honesty. It’s good to admit you don’t know everything there is to being a parent. Learn to ask for advice from other dads and to research about parenting, he says. “If what experts, such as authors and speakers, say in books, videos, and seminars is aligned with your values, then by all means apply what you’ve learned.” One way to find out if you are parenting your children correctly is to ask them how they feel about you. “Feedback is gold. I’ve asked my son many times, ‘When do you feel most loved by Dad?’ and ‘What can I do for you to fulfill your need to be loved by me?’” Coach Bam shares.
1
A Boy and Two Dads Being around fathers who are good role models is one way to be a more effective father yourself, according to seminar facilitator Eduardo “Coach Bam” Santiago. He recounts how two men in particular had left a great impression on him and shaped his own parenting style. “When I was growing up, I saw my biological dad as an amazing provider and a hard worker. He never missed a day of work, even when he wasn’t feeling well. I truly appreciated learning commitment and responsibility from him,” he recalls. “He also taught me about the power of giving and helping people financially. He would always say, oftentimes jokingly, ‘There’s always more than enough; we have too much money.’ Dad was always ready to give and to help other people with a smile and good cheer. This is where I developed the model of an abundance mentality.” Coach Bam also believes he was fortunate to have grown up with a second dad. “My mom remarried when I was 12, and I spent a lot of time living with her and my stepfather. What I learned from him were kindness, humor, and compassion, to help other people, not necessarily in monetary form but through acts of kindness.” From him, Coach Bam said he also learned about unconditional love “because he accepted me, my sister, and our brother, who my mom was still carrying in her tummy when they got married, as if we were his biological kids.” Says Coach Bam, “To this day, I continue to find joy in helping other people because of my two dads.”
June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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“By doing this, I am teaching my son to make sure that, as his needs are met, he equally has that same desire to fulfill another person’s needs as well.” He also advises having regular conversations with your children to make them feel at ease communicating with you. “What’s worked for me is always ending our conversations with a prayer of gratitude and blessing my son,” he says.
2
Vulnerability. “Never be afraid to share with your kids what you’re feeling as long as you do not burden them with parenting you, and you do not put the burden you’re feeling on them,” advises Coach Bam. After a fight with your wife, for instance, you can explain and show your child how you deal with your emotions responsibly—and that is by not blaming anyone and by working to resolve your issues with your spouse, he adds. “A child learns by modeling and absorbing how you behave. They will always believe what you show them versus what you tell them. Awareness and personal responsibility is the key.”
3
Self-compassion. Many dads feel so much guilt and put a lot of blame on themselves for how their children are behaving or have turned out. “Learn not to be too hard on yourself. Like I said earlier, we’re just doing the best way we know how to raise our kids,” says the counselor. His final words of advice: “Being a dad is an awesome, fun journey if you choose to make it so. Be easy on yourself and, at the same time, work as hard as you can on growing [for] yourself not just for your role as a father. Work, too, on becoming a better human being in areas such as your health, wealth, and relationships with people and with God. As you work on yourself, you’ll get to be more effective in taking care of your children.” FM
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FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
10 Films to Watch with Dad Several movies pay homage to the devotion of fathers, to their unconditional love, and to their willingness to go through extreme sacrifices for the sake of their children. Here are just some of the films the family can view together with Dad to honor him on Father’s Day. Don’t forget to have a box of tissues beside you! Ang Tatay Kong Nanay (1978) Kramer vs. Kramer (1979) The Little Mermaid (1989) Father of the Bride (1991) My Life (1993) Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) I Am Sam (2001) Finding Nemo (2003) The Pursuit of Happyness (2006) The Descendants (2011)
“
“
I am teaching my son to make sure that, as his needs are met, he equally has that same desire to fulfill another person’s needs as well.
A child learns by modeling and absorbing how you behave. They will always believe what you show them versus what you tell them.
”
”
PARENTS’ CORNER | SHARING
Tiny
From
Seeds
By ERLINDA ESGUERRA
rand g e ly th n bring n o t ’ a It isn s that c ge. an ure ll gest sitive ch the sma po , it’s s that s e m eti nes Som of kind the acts ake all . m nce e r e diff
“There shall be no needy among you; for the Lord will bless you in the land that the Lord is giving you for an inheritance to possess.” - Deuteronomy 15:4 In the mid-70s, I was a 25-year-old staff assistant at a flour manufacturing company. One day, while riding the jeepney on my way to our office, I got acquainted with a young, pretty girl. Though quite shy, she took the courage to strike up a conversation with me. “Saan po kayo papunta?” she asked. “Sa office ko sa Mandaluyong,” I replied. After several exchanges I learned that her name was Mina and that she was looking for a job. My first impulse was to suggest that she apply where I worked, as there was no harm in trying. So I made an appointment for her to be interviewed. Fortunately, she passed the typing test, and got hired as a clerk. June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters 11
Nonetheless, there are still too many of the disadvantaged among us, as the Philippines continues to experience “jobless growth” and the widening gap between rich and poor.
I can still remember what Mina wore on her first day at work—a long-sleeved blouse in light green and a matching A-line beige skirt with green floral prints. The next day, I was taken aback to see her wearing the same dress she wore on her first day, but I just took it to mean that she probably had two of the same outfit. Mina wore the same dress the whole week. Wondering why she didn’t change clothes, I recalled one of our earlier conversations, when I had asked her where lived, and she had replied, “Doon po kami sa squatters’ area.” How brave of Mina! She had only one decent dress to wear for work, but it was not going to stop her from making her life a little better. Fast forward to 2017, and I’m now a retiree in my mid-sixties living in the United States, wondering 12
where Mina is and hoping that with employment, she was able to live a better life.
THE DISADVANTAGED But despite the lapse of time, there are still many Minas in our country. They are the poor who live by the railroad tracks, with homes made of cardboard and with no toilets. They are the people who scavenge the trash for food, and those who dive into toxic waters looking for something to sell. They are the families who call the top of tombs their homes. It’s good that a lot of the poor have some form of livelihood, working as tricycle drivers, laundrywomen, construction workers, thanks to that Filipino trait called resourcefulness and to the rapid growth of our economy. The government’s conditional cash transfer and other poverty-alleviation programs also help.
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
Nonetheless, there are still too many of the disadvantaged among us, as the Philippines continues to experience “jobless growth” and the widening gap between rich and poor. Perhaps this is why in my prayer time lately I seem to hear the Lord telling me, “Don’t forget the poor. There’s still so much work to be done.” I say, “Yes, Lord, but where do I start? And is it possible for me to make any difference at all? The poor are as numerous as the proverbial stars in the sky, maybe more. It’s like an impossible dream!” And the Lord seems to say, “Never say that you can’t make a difference. Remember my parable of the mustard seed—‘It is the smallest of all seeds which a man took and planted in the field. Yet when it grows, it becomes a tree, so the birds of the air come and lodge in its branches.’” Matthew 13:3132 “But how can I help when I don’t have excess funds? I’m always a little short each month.” “It’s because Christians have not searched my Word enough,” the Lord says. “Don’t you know that the secret to never-ending abundance is to give? There should be no poor in places full of Christians.” “Can you please explain, Lord?” “Recall my parable about the rich young man who asked me, ‘Lord, what shall I do to be perfect?’ I said, ‘Go, sell all you have, give the money to the poor, and come follow me. And he went away sad because he had great possessions.’” “Yes Lord,” I say. “He probably felt his family has accumulated all this wealth and that he cannot give it away just like that.” “Yes, but I also had a promise,” the Lord continues. “I said everyone who has left house, or brothers or sisters or mother or children or farms, for my sake and the gospel’s sake, will receive a hundred times as much now in this present age, and in the age to come, eternal life. The young man did not hear this because he turned away.” Mark 10:17-31 “So if we take care of the poor, Lord, You will take care of us over and beyond what we can imagine? And that we cannot outdo You in giving?”
“If Christians searched my words and followed them, I would have partners in taking care of the poor. Abundance would flow. Remember that I came to earth to give all of you life and have it to the full.” John 10:10 From my communing with God, I sensed that He is assuring me that He keeps His promises and inviting me to start something by myself with whatever I have.
START SMALL “Don’t point your finger at someone else who should be doing it. You don’t have to feed everyone in Payatas,” He further says. “Look for a little child, a family who needs your help. Visit them. Look into their eyes and see me. Be the light in the hill for them—their hope. Make them realize they have not been forgotten— that there is a God who loves them. And I’m asking you to do it for one—just one. And wait till you see what that tiny seed can grow into.” The moment I said, “Yes, Lord,” He sent me an unlikely candidate to help—a nerdy, unkempt young man in his 30’s who appeared to have fallen off life’s “Success Bus.” He was unemployed, had lived with his mother until she died,
and was then rooming in with a cousin who felt it was time he left. I seemed to hear the Lord say, “You can start with him.” Empty nesters ourselves, my husband and I had extra rooms in the house. So after vetting the man, we accepted him as a tenant, though we knew he had barely enough for rent, surviving on government subsidy. Our new tenant had stopped studying but wanted to resume his studies, except that his damaged computer prevented him from doing so. My husband and I then decided to give him one. Our tenant was quite in disbelief as to why we would give him a computer; I said it was Christmastime. “Are you sure I won’t have to return the computer when I leave?” he asked. I said, “No, that is the Lord’s gift to you.” When we found out that he had been eating only ramen
every day, I would cook for him whenever I could. We also supplied all of his bathroom needs. Essentially we treated him as a son, not as a tenant, and encouraged him to strive to improve his life. After several months, we saw a change in his countenance, as though our simple words of encouragement and little acts of assistance helped give him a more positive outlook. He no longer looked shabby, and even his living quarters—his room, the bathroom, the kitchen—he kept spanking clean. His prospects started to look up, too. He is now waiting for a grant to be approved and is preparing to enroll again in school. Indeed the tiny seed planted has grown into something amazing and unexpected to behold, and the caretaker has also been taken care of, as the Lord has promised. Such are the little things that everyone can start with—and we don’t even have to look too far or do too much to make a difference! FM
After several months, we saw a change in his countenance, as though our simple words of encouragement and little acts of assistance helped give him a more positive outlook.
June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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How to
SAVE
for your
Child’s By RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA
Building an educational fund for your kids is one of the biggest investments you will make, and it needs much careful planning and consideration.
14
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
PARENTS’ CORNER | BUDGETING
In April 2015, the Philippine Statistics Authority revealed that one in every 10 Filipino children and youth, or about four million, was out of school in 2013. Organic farmer Mike Pedroso and his wife, Luz, were both employees at a manufacturing firm when they got married in 1983. “When the kids were young, we bought them College Assurance Plans (CAP) policies. Our eldest, Katrina Jean, was able to enjoy her CAP scholarship for three years,” Mike shares. But when CAP declared bankruptcy in the mid-2000s, the couple’s two other children, Karen and Kim Angeline, were not able to use their educational plans. “At the time, I was already into farming while my wife, then a local government employee, had to supplement our savings with loans from GSIS, SSS, Land Bank, cooperatives, and other finance providers.” “Finally, I had to become an OFW for 22 months to finance my youngest daughter’s education because she opted to study in Ateneo,” recalls Mike, whose children are now all employed. Like the Pedrosos, my husband and I had three fully paid CAP policies for our sons, but were not able to claim even a single centavo from the company. Thus, we had to make alternative plans and look for other earning and investment opportunities so we could continue financing our boys’ educational needs. Unfortunately, not all Filipino parents are able to help their children finish college. In April 2015, the Philippine Statistics Authority revealed that one in every 10 Filipino children and youth, or about four million, was out of school in 2013. The Functional Literacy, Education, and Mass Media Survey (FLEMMS) report covered around 36 million individuals aged six to 24 years old. According to
FLEMMS, out-of-school children are those six- to 14-year-olds who do not attend school while out-of-school youth are persons aged 15 to 24 years who are not attending school, have not finished any college or post-secondary course, and are not working. Among those surveyed, 19.2% cited insufficient family income and 9% indicated the high cost of education as reasons for not attending school.
chances for a more promising future,” Gonzales explains. He adds that since education funding is also one of the most expensive items in a family’s financial plan, it makes sense to start preparing for it as soon as possible. Without preparation way ahead of the child’s future education, the cost of schooling can eat a huge chunk of the parents’ budget. “The ideal time to start this preparation is as soon as a child is born,” points out Gonzales. “Most parents would have a wish [pertaining to] the kind of career they want their child to pursue. As a parent myself, one wish I have is to see my child as a successful physician,” he shares. “The most practical way to start the planning process is to estimate the amount of funding required to bring this to fruition.”
LOOKING AHEAD Alijeffty C. Gonzales*, a registered financial planner connected with Insular Life Assurance Company, says education funding is probably one of the most important financial goals for any parent. “This is because providing a child with the opportunity to pursue higher education may increase the child’s
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Providing a child with the opportunity to pursue higher education may increase the child’s chances for a more promising future.
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June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
15
TAKING CONCRETE ACTION Here, Gonzales gives parents a simple guide on how they can start saving up for their child’s educational fund: STEP ONE Estimate the amount of funding required. This may be done using the current cost of the chosen profession and projecting it towards the future by imputing reasonable price increases over the years. Today
FUTURE-PROOFING
300,000
1 20
Family Matters asked several moms how they are planning for, or were able to fund, their children’s college education. Here’s what they shared:
300,000
300,000
“My husband and I invested in postgraduate education for ourselves. After graduating with our Master’s, we’ve become specialists in our fields and this blessed us with jobs that can support our children’s needs.” – Majhalia Torno, mom to Gorbie (21), Ninox (19), Zach (17), and Gaia (15) “I invest in endowment plans and educational plans that are not as volatile as the stock market since I want a secure education for my son.” – Lace Llanora, mom to Ashton (6)
300,000
300,000
300,000
300,000
Impute for 5% Average Annual Increase 795,989
21
835,789
22
877,578
23
921,457
24
“My ex-husband and I got one of our kids an educational fund, but we separated and I wasn’t able to continue paying for the premiums. So I just worked really, really hard. My kids and I lived a relatively simple lifestyle, but we never felt deprived. It’s all about prioritizing and distinguishing needs from wants.” – Jennifer, mom to Erika (26), Felix (23), Sam (21), and Kyle (20)
300,000
Child’s Age
967,530
25
1,015,906
26
Total Funding Needed
1,066,702
27
1,120,037
7,600,989
For example, the cost of a medical education right now is P300,000 a year. If a newborn child is expected to enter medical school in 20 years’ time, project the current cost using an average of 5.0% inflation. For an eight-year period of medical school expenses, the projected amount would be P7.6 million. “While this may look daunting, the benefit of starting as early as possible allows a parent to take advantage of the long-term benefit of compounding returns,” explains Gonzales. STEP TWO Find ways to fund your plan. You can do this by looking for investments that can provide projected long-term returns. At 12.0% per year, for instance, your child’s educational plan can be funded by a P125,000 investment per year for five years.
125,000 1 20
125,000
125,000
125,000
125,000
Projected Long -Term Growth of 12% per year 1,205,787 1,350,481
“We started our family when pre-need was in bad shape and financial literacy was pretty low. Initially, we sent the kids on one-to-one basis, meaning we raised the money then enrolled them. It was a good thing that mid- and yearend bonuses were [given in time] for enrollment and semestral payments. My husband and I also empowered ourselves by extending our studies to qualify us for higher paying jobs that were able to sustain our kids’ educational, as well as our family’s, needs. We feel that when we put self-empowerment first, we will be better equipped in handling life’s stages. Right now, one of our kids has already finished college while the other two are still in middle school.” – JD, whose family is now based in Dubai
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FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
1,512,539 1,694,043
Projected Values 1,897,329
7,660,178
INVESTMENT OPTIONS Doing your research and being unafraid to probe for specific details can help you choose the wisest investment option for you. Banks usually have financial advisers who can guide parents on the educational or investment plan that best fits their financial capability. According to the website of one respectable bank in the Philippines, it has “investment counselors” that can help parents “clarify your aspirations for your children and the costs that these dreams entail, even before your kids start attending school.” Many insurance companies also offer educational plans in the Philippines, which often come with a life insurance feature. Should something happen to the parent, the premium or payment is waived, with the plan remaining active to cover the dependent’s future education. Meanwhile, an ABS-CBN report on starting an educational fund for your child says: “Seek advice from financial planners or professional fund managers, explaining your needs.” It lists at least three options parents may look into:
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The ideal time to start this preparation is as soon as a child is born.
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Gonzales cautions, however, that this is a simplistic way of preparing for education funding. “Please consult a financial advisor for professional advice,” he recommends. “Big-ticket expenses like education funding is best prepared for as early as possible,” reiterates Gonzales. “As this is [still] to happen many years into the future, parents can take advantage of the longterm benefit of compounding to make it more affordable in the process.” FM
1. Mutual funds and unitary trust investment funds. These funds are especially geared to meet specific goals and risk profiles. 2. Savings accounts and time deposits. These may be more suitable for those who need the money within the short term, i.e., the next two years. 3. Pre-need plans. These require regular payments of a specific amount for a given time period. The amount of the fund you will receive is pre-set, i.e., P500,000 when your child turns 17 years old. A registered financial planner, Jed del Castillo, in an interview with ABS-CBN also suggests trying to get a scholarship from a private or public school, or applying for Social Security System student loans. He advises against using college plans because of low returns, suggesting that “you talk with a financial planner and discuss in detail what the rate of returns [is] from these products.” Finally, he warns against engaging in any get-richquick scheme: “Finding ways to grow money quickly will make you susceptible to scams… Just save as much as you can and put it in a conservative investment vehicle.”
* Learn more about managing finances by searching for #acgadvice on Facebook
June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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By AILEEN CARREON
How we can teach our children positive values about accepting and appreciating differences.
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It’s not surprising how many biases/prejudices we have that we are not even aware of and which we don’t particularly believe are harmful, even when confronted about them.
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FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
No child is born with biases. While children can detect differences even at a young age, the biases they form are learned from important adults in their lives, from media, from the books they read, and from peers in school. Fortunately, you can help your child unlearn these biases. Maureen N. Sandejas, first vice president of the Family and Pastoral Counselling Association of the Philippines, draws from her experience as a family counselor to offer her perspective on how parents can impart to their children tolerance and respect for diversity. In explaining how children learn to discriminate and why incidences of prejudice occur in our society, Sandejas points to the family, the backbone of society. “We are born into a family, or a community of people. Each of these individuals is unique and has his or her particular contribution to the family culture and values which were handed down from the generations that came before them,” she says. “In other words, the family is where it all begins. What our children learn/absorb in the family, they carry out into the
PARENTS’ CORNER | PARENTING
world—school, church, community, workplace, etc.” She adds that most biases and prejudices and even family myths are not deemed as wrong by those who hold them, regarding them as simply their belief system, accepted as the truth and reality without question. “It’s not surprising how many biases/ prejudices we have that we are not even aware of and which we don’t particularly believe are harmful, even when confronted about them,” she says. She continues that parents must realize that though still young, children are nonetheless observant and intelligent. They perceive differences between people and between situations, and form their own impressions no matter how limited they are by age and experience. “More importantly, they hear their parents and other significant adults express biases and prejudices on a daily basis when grown-ups talk about household help, other relatives such as in-laws, business dealings that skirt the law, stereotyping politicians or showbiz personalities,” adds Sandejas. In sociology, a “stereotype” is defined as a generalization, usually exaggerated or oversimplified and often offensive, that is used to describe or distinguish a particular group. “All Arabs and Muslims are terrorists” is an example. Stereotyping and racism are forms of bias and prejudice, while namecalling is acting out our biases and prejudices, says Sandejas. These can be countered by celebrating diversity and upholding social justice. When children engage in stereotyping, they can end up hurting their own friends or classmates. Victims of stereotyping become excluded because of negative beliefs about them. For instance, kids who wear eyeglasses are tagged as “nerds” who don’t know how to have fun. No parent would want his or her child to grow up thinking negative things about other people just because they have a different social status, physical appearance, religion, or cultural practice, or because of a disability.
EMBRACING DIFFERENCES Sandejas suggests ways by which parents can instil in their children a nondiscriminatory attitude towards others. Show tolerance yourself. “Parents, as well as other caregivers and significant adults, are the best persons to teach by example how to treat others who are different. It takes a lot of effort to examine and assess one’s attitudes and actions but that is a necessary first step. Before children can discriminate and form opinions about their parents’ behavior and attitudes, they would have already absorbed what they have seen and heard,” said Sandejas. Parents should set an example in the way they talk about others, she adds. Use affirming rather than critical or derogatory terms. “If there is truth to what you are saying, you still need to be careful about what the children hear if they cannot understand the context. If they are old enough for discussion, tell them the situation and don’t generalize,” says Sandejas.
Use situations to teach lessons. Instances when values may be learned are during storytelling and reading. Children’s stories like “The Ugly Duckling” can dramatize how it feels to be mocked for being different. Watching TV together may also afford parents more opportunities to discuss differences. “Our children are exposed to TV a lot. The news, local and international, no matter how negative, is rife with opportunities to give a face to these concepts and to show their effects,” adds Sandejas. Teach kids how to process feelings. They are never too young to learn to process their emotions, says Sandejas. “When children notice differences in people and situations, listen to them when they talk to you. Allow them to speak and express what they felt in the situation, whether they were the offended or the offender. Do not be quick to judge and scold.”
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Before children can discriminate and form opinions about their parents’ behavior and attitudes, they would have already absorbed what they have seen and heard.
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June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Children’s stories like “The Ugly Duckling� can dramatize how it feels to be mocked for being different.
Sometimes, she says, parents scold more out of embarrassment at their children’s behavior. But being berated will only teach kids to keep things from adults lest they be scolded. “Let them know that it is all right to talk about anything no matter how negative they may feel. But choose the proper forum where they will not be subject to scrutiny and embarrassment.� „ Draw from actual experiences. When a child has been a victim of bias or prejudice, it offers a good opportunity to teach about tolerance and acceptance. “When they express and realize how hurt they are, how
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offended they feel, then they can understand how much others can also be hurt by their biases and prejudices. This also applies if another member of the family or a good friend has been victimized. The situations become real rather than theoretical.� „ Build a strong spiritual life. “A growing spirituality and prayerful life will give parents the strength and the grace to fulfill their role effectively and help create the values that they want their children to have. It is also important to know that while we are our children’s first formators, God is already within them,� concludes Sandejas. As parents, you must also stay committed so that the lessons on diversity that you have taught your children are continuously reinforced and remembered. By encouraging your children to see each person as a unique and valuable individual, you are preparing them for the future when, as adults, they will have to live harmoniously and work productively with people of various racial and cultural groups, religions, and backgrounds. FM
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
?
:K\ (QFRXUDJH Tolerance
Kids need to be taught tolerance to make them feel relaxed and open to learning from different cultures, as other ethnic groups can bring new ideas, experiences, and energy to society, according to the article “How to Teach Your Kids About Toleranceâ€? on childdevelopmentinfo.com. Tolerance can open doors in business, education, travel, leisure, lifestyle, art, and other areas of life, it adds. “To help our kids have a successful future, they need to be able to work with others. They need to not be afraid to step outside their comfort zone and to understand, learn, respect and appreciate others.â€? But tolerance is not about DFFHSWLQJ EDG EHKDYLRU LW FODULĂ€ HV but accepting “peopleâ€? for who they are and treating them how “youâ€? wish to be treated. And being tolerant of differences doesn’t mean VDFULĂ€ FLQJ \RXU RZQ KHULWDJH RU beliefs either. “We can be proud and stand by those beliefs 100% while continuing to celebrate the differences of others,â€? says the article.
PARENTS’ CORNER | PREVENTING
Pause Before You
Post By STEPHANIE MAYO
Remember to take precautions whenever you upload your child’s photos, videos, and other sensitive details on the web. There’s a term for it: “sharenting.” This is when parents share too much information about their kids on social media. Facebook and Instagram have become our stage and the world our audience, as we strive to create a certain image online to impress, educate, or inspire others. But admit it—we also do it for attention and self-validation. And when you become a new or first-time parent, you probably have the need to update your Facebook post every other hour to show the world how cute your baby is—posting the infant’s newest outfit, first smile, and practically every milestone your child goes through. After all, you are enamored of your child, and want to share your love for your little darling with the rest of the world.
And when your kid enters school and proves to be particularly smart or talented, you can’t help crowing about it on Facebook, wanting everyone to know that you’re either successful at parenting or gifted with an awesome child. But is sharenting really just a harmless social media activity? Surely there’s nothing wrong about posting photos that depict family health, joy, and success?
WHY SHARING IS GOOD Sharing posts about your kids has many good points, enabling you to:
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Update your loved ones. In olden times, we used to send out snail mails and Polaroids to update relatives based June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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far away or abroad. The digital age just made this easier and instantaneous. Denice Joyce Diaz-Faeldonia, a digital marketing and PR manager, author of sopaltorants.com, and a mom to a two-year-old, shares information about her toddler on social media for this very reason. “My daughter is the first apo and pamangkin on both sides in the family, that is why we use social media to share her photos,” Denice says. “Her grandmother, my husband’s mother, is an OFW residing in Hong Kong. On my side, for my aunts, one is living in Australia and the other is living far away from our area. My cousin is also working abroad in Qatar.” Constance Camille Chua, a junior high school life coach at an international school in Pasig, agrees that online sharenting can help strengthen parents’ social circle. “When they post about their kids online, it helps them to be connected to friends and relatives who live miles away from them,” Chua says. “Through photos, people can share advice and
keep in touch. It is actually nice seeing people who are close to us growing, even though they live on the other side of the world.” Meanwhile, Madz De Leon, a stay-athome mom with a one-year-old kid, and who blogs on mommynmore.com, says she does post information about her kid on Facebook, but only occasionally. “I don’t share very much information about my child,” Madz says. “I consider social media as a semi-private photo album. Since my contact list on my Facebook consists of family and friends, I post about my family to keep them updated—especially my loved ones abroad. However I am very picky when it comes to posting. I usually post about funny or interesting things my child says. Sometimes, I would share things I’ve learned as a mom.”
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Reach out to fellow parents. Some parents provide information about their young to help educate other parents and promote healthy parenting. Mommy Missy of loveeatwander.com shares information about her twoyear-old daughter so as to inspire her followers. “We promote breastfeeding, attachment parenting, and homeschooling,” says Missy. “And we [she and her husband] think the best way to encourage others to do (or at least try) the same is through example. We post photos/videos of our daughter showing how active and smart she is.” “We have our ‘lesson for today’ video series that we post online,” Missy explains. “Also, about breastfeeding, I will soon be a certified breastfeeding counselor and I want to lead by example. I am posting our breastfeeding photos online to normalize the thing and to influence others.”
Sick users steal photos of a baby on the Internet and pretend it’s their own child and create a fake family with it. 22
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
Sharing in order to educate and help others is indeed one of the positive uses of sharenting. Wendy Sue Swanson, a pediatrician and executive director of digital health at Seattle Children’s Hospital, attests to this in an NPR article. “There’s this peer-to-peer nature of health care these days with a profound opportunity for parents to learn helpful tips, safety and prevention efforts, provaccine messages and all kinds of other messages from other parents in their social communities,” says Swanson. “They’re getting nurtured by people they’ve already preselected that they trust.”
DANGERS OF OVERSHARING But the Internet, no matter how necessary, has a dark and dangerous side, too, which should make you think twice before freely sharing photos of your children on social media. Some of the risks you may be unwittingly opening your family up to include the following: Digital kidnapping and baby roleplaying One disturbing reality happening on social media sites is “digital kidnapping” and “baby-role playing.” Sick users steal photos of a baby on the Internet and pretend it’s their own child and create a fake family with it. Worse, some pretend that the child is available for adoption. If you search for hashtags like #babyrp, #kidrp, #adoptionrp and #openrp, you’ll get a disturbing number of such posts. So if you are excessively sharing your family photos on Instagram, your child might end up a victim. Child pornography Another potential horrific result of sharenting is unwittingly putting your child as a bait to the world of pedophilia. If you are not careful, innocent photos of your kids might get into the hands of the wrong people. “There are sites which can pick up compromising photos of your child—the Deep Web is an example,” says Denice. “You don’t know what type of people will be seeing your child’s photos and what would go on their minds. If that is too much to think of, just look at Facebook—an image which you think is cute may be misinterpreted by your friends or other people.”
Another potential horrific result of sharenting is unwittingly putting your child as a bait to the world of pedophilia. In fact, the photo doesn’t even have to be “compromising.” Even ordinary photos of children and babies can be stolen and then Photoshopped to cater to pedophiles. Some fiends don’t even have to manipulate a child’s photo; they will just put an inappropriate caption for it along with links to child pornography sites. This is why Katrina AgdeppaSantiago, a mom to a 6-year-old and 19-month-old, and owner of petitemomma.com, takes precautions when posting about her children on social media. “On my IG account and FB page of my blog, which are public, I make sure that I don’t post their real names or show their faces (front-facing),” she says. “Most of the pictures I post only show parts of their bodies while doing an activity or a side view of their faces. I also don’t post their full names, where they go, embarrassing moments, and other personal info.” Katrina says she also rigorously screens all her friends on Facebook, groups them, and shares posts only to those who need information or updates about her kids. “If I share something personal about them, like where they ate today or their complete names, I share it only within my network of family and close friends,” she explains. “Sometimes I don’t post anymore and just send private messages.” Robbery or kidnapping Another risk is attracting thieves who prey on social media accounts
and blogs. As Denice warns: “If you are coming from a well-off family, posting information about your child’s birthday, school details, your address, etc., will pave the way for kidnappers or modus gangs to easily infiltrate your homes,” she says. “Parents should always use caution when posting pictures of their kids online,” Chua advises. “They should be careful about posting the geographical location, full name, date of birth, etc., as these are sensitive and private information. Parents should also keep in mind about consent— consider the type of information your kids want to see at a later date.”
YOUR CHILD’S THOUGHTS MATTER Aside from protecting their children from criminals and sick minds, parents should also be aware of the possible psychological and developmental
impact on their kids of being in the social media spotlight. For one, their self-esteem and self-identity might be affected. “A lot of these things you think are harmless are not actually that harmless,” says Dr. Leonard Sax, a child and adolescent development expert and author of The Collapse of Parenting, for a Redbook article. “Social media is a performance. It doesn’t have to be, but it is. It’s something we do to impress others. If you are a parent, you want to help your kid figure out who they are, and who they want to be, and social media, because it’s all an act, gets in the way.” Be considerate of your children’s privacy as well. They are separate individuals, and sharing content about them without their permission is an invasion of their privacy. That is why Chai Galapon, who has a 9- and a 7-year-old kid, and who is a blogger and a self-published author, agrees on the importance of being sensitive to youngsters’ privacy. “There are certain situations and things about our children that must not be shared to the public,” Chai says. “They will grow up and eventually can read their parents’ posts about them, so [will] their friends, classmates and colleagues in the future. It could cause bullying, and online and offline issues.” So before you make a post about your child, ask yourself if it is necessary. What is your real motivation for posting? And will it do more harm than good? As Denice says: “We are our children’s protectors and that includes [protecting] their privacy. Thus, we must carry this responsibility with great precaution.” FM
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Parents should also keep in mind about consent—consider the type of information your kids want to see at a later date.
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June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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SPECIAL SECTION
THE FILIPINO
MILLENNIAL Preparing Millennials PAGE for the Future
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BY FR. ARMAND ROBLEZA, SDB
A New Breed of PARENTS BY ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG
PAGE
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Generation MISUNDERSTOOD? BY ROWENA DIOCTON
PAGE
31
Special Section THE FILIPINO MILLENNIAL
Preparing
Millennials for the Future BY FR. ARMAND ROBLEZA, SDB
How can we harness the traits of millennials to bring out the best in them and mold them to be responsible leaders of the world they will inherit? June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Though facing the prospect of limited opportunities, Filipino millennials are said to be among the happiest of Asian millennials.
They are ambitious. The 2015 Deloitte Millennial Survey revealed that 65% of millennials in emerging markets such as the Philippines aspire to be “the leader or most senior executive within their current organization.” These young people have high aspirations in their careers. They leverage their tech skills. Millennials are adept at using multiple Ƥ Ǥ ͗͗Ψ millennials watch lessons online, 20% read textbooks on their tablets, 33% work with colleagues online, and 52% use YouTube or other apps to go about their tasks. They are innovators. Being comfortable with technology, millennials bring with them to the work world the ideas and technical skills that organizations require to innovate and to remain competitive in a world gone increasingly digital. They are entrepreneurial. Among the insights that stood out in surveys is that Filipino millennials seem to be an entrepreneurial generation, with 55% of respondents indicating that owning a business is the kind of success that most appeals to them.
T
he third millennium saw the rise of a generation that has not experienced life without the Internet. Millennials are those born in the 1980s all the way to the early 2000s. If you’re in your early thirties or younger, then you’re probably part of the millennial generation, which makes up about 35 million of the 100 million Filipinos in the world. Worldwide, projections are that millennials will form 50% of the global workforce by the year 2025. Much has been said about this generation, but what exactly are the major characteristics of millennials? And how does knowledge of these attributes help us bring out the best in them and prepare them to run the world in a way that Ƥ ǫ
THE GOOD... They are well-educated. A survey conducted by the Far Eastern University (FEU) showed that 67% of the Pinoy millennials polled intended to complete a graduate degree. Millennials take the MBA route to their dream position instead of rolling up their sleeves to work. They are hardworking. According to the same survey, 66.8% of the respondents said that hard work was “the most important element of success in Philippine society.” Contrary to the common belief that millennials are lazy and entitled, they could be extremely hardworking and motivated. 26
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
ƪ Ǥ ƪ work arrangement while still being on track for a promotion. What is interesting is that 44% of millennial respondents are ƪ Ǥ Ƥ Dz dz challenges. They are happy. Now this is the awesome part and uniquely Filipino. Though facing the prospect of limited opportunities, Filipino millennials are said to be among the happiest of Asian millennials. Born in a culture where close family ties is valued, Filipino millennials’ source of happiness is their family.
…AND THE BAD They feel entitled. Everything millennials do seems to be designed to make everything turn out in their favor. “I want to do things on my own terms,” is the basic premise of millennial decision-making: “If I fail based on that decision, okay lang. Decision ko yan eh. I’ll accept it and I’ll learn from it.” ƪ Ǥ For millennials, their present job is something that they want to do at that particular time. Now if another job comes along that interests them, even if it’s an altogether ơ ǡ hesitate to switch gears. It’s not unusual to see a millennial achieve a managerial position only to leave his or her job in order to study how to become a chef.
Ǧ Ƥ Ǥ Raised in an environment of positive ƥ ǡ Ƥ unusually high levels. A polled manager who worked directly with millennials fresh from college described them: “They Ƥ Ǥ job beyond the entry-level position even though they lack the requisite experience.” Ƥ Ǥ In one survey carried out, some students declared that unlike earlier generations, millennials are “more forward with their opinion and speak their minds.” However, they also admit that, as heavy users of social media, they tend Ƥ Ǧ or fact-checking. They think virtual is real. Before the advent of the Internet, people had to call each other up to make plans to go out. This actually made people prepare for and dress well for the meeting, and to treat their time together as valuable. Because millennials can keep track of everybody from their mobile devices, they no longer seek face-to-face interaction in order to keep in touch: seeing others onscreen is good enough. They feel alienated. If the Gen-Xers were able to detach themselves intellectually and emotionally from older institutional and cultural patterns, millennials have taken this to an extreme, with many of them feeling detached or alienated from major social and institutional structures. They don’t feel that religion is addressing their concerns, and they think the government is just a bureaucratic entity that gets in their way.
HOW TO DEAL MILLENNIALS Ƥ ǯ ơ Ǥ While they can handle a large amount of data, they don’t necessarily understand the deeper meanings or connections behind such information. To prevent information overload, they try not to think too deeply about all the information that they have. Mentor them. As the older generation retires, expect the number of millennials on “active duty” to grow. It’s in everyone’s best interest if we stop making them adapt to traditional work attitudes, and instead take notice of the call of this generation for transformation. Let us provide them with the necessary mentorship that will allow them to claim a world that will eventually be their own.
If they are going to change this world for the better, we must help them become better versions of themselves. We have to inspire them. We have to give millennials something meaningful. If they are going to change this world for the better, we must help them become better versions of ǡ ǡ Ƥ Ƥ ƪ Ǥ Befriend them. Friendships are critical for millennials, so reach out and be a friend. Interestingly, the millennial expects integrity from people with whom they have a shared experience. About 88% of millennials surveyed said they are looking for an employer that have the same values they have, while 51% want feedback on their job performance. Appreciate contradictions. In the end, understanding the Filipino millennial is accepting that they can be more complex Dz Ƥ Ǥdz They can become quite emotional and unpredictable as a result of the environment they live in, a world where contradictions in lifestyles and values co-exist. Monogamous marriages and polygamous unions are normal in their day-to-day world. Integrity and corruption stand side by side in the open market. ơ Ǥ Yes, millennials spend most of their time glued to computer screens and mobile phones, browsing Instagram and tweeting. They are too ambitious and too idealistic. They are not able to adhere to tradition and old rules, and can become too emotional at times. But they are who they are. God placed Ƥ has great plans for them. The future belongs to them, and we must help get them ready to take responsibility for it. FM
Understanding the Filipino millennial is accepting that they can be more complex than our simple labeling of them as the “selfie generation.” June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Special Section THE FILIPINO MILLENNIAL
A New Breed of
PARENTS
Today’s young people look online to become informed parents, but there’s still more to be learned in the real world. BY ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG
A
t parenting workshops I facilitate, I often hear participants introduce themselves as ǡ ơ ǡ Ǥ ơ born earlier? Are they an altogether distinct breed of parents from other generations?
WHO EXACTLY ARE MILLENNIALS? Ƥ Dz time, regarded collectively.” According to Deloitte University Press, the practice of labeling generations came about after the Second World War: “In the United States, economists, businesses, and policymakers have been studying demographics intensely since World War II. Indeed, following the war, a new unit of measurement arose: the labeled generation. The Baby Boomers—those born between 28
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
Í•Í?͚͘ ƒÂ?† Í•Í?ÍšÍ˜Č„Â™Â‡Â”Â‡ –Š‡ Ƥ ”•– ‰‡Â?‡”ƒ–‹‘Â? –‘ ƒ†‘’– ƒ ™‹†‡Ž› accepted label. Then came the Gen Xers, followed by the Millennials (sometimes referred to as Gen Y). Though there is Â?‘ —Â?‹˜‡”•ƒŽŽ› ƒ……‡’–‡† †‡Ƥ Â?‹–‹‘Â?ÇĄ –Š‡ –‡”Â? ÇŽ ‡Â?‡”ƒ–‹‘Â? ÇŻ ‹• often applied to those born roughly between 1965 and 1980, ƒÂ?† ÇŽ ‹ŽŽ‡Â?Â?Â‹ÂƒÂŽÇŻ –‘ –Š‘•‡ „‘”Â? „‡–™‡‡Â? Í•Í?͔͜ ƒÂ?† Í•Í?Í?͙Ǥdz Other demographers, like William Strauss and Neil Howe, †‡Ƥ Â?‡ Â?‹ŽŽ‡Â?Â?‹ƒŽ• ĥ –Š‘•‡ „‘”Â? „‡–™‡‡Â? Í•Í?͖͜ ƒÂ?† ͖͔͔͘Ǥ Millennials are mostly well-educated, socially and politically involved people, the products of parents who valued education for their children and provided well for them. Having grown up in a world where information is easily accessible, millennials are more open to new developments and ideas, including new approaches to parenting.
WHAT ARE THE ATTRIBUTES OF MILLENNIAL PARENTS? Though everyone is unique, people are still shaped by the belief and value systems, including those on parenting, that predominate in their generation. This is not to say, however, that one generation has a better or worse parenting style, ‘Â?Ž› –Šƒ– –Š‡”‡ ƒ”‡ †‹ƥ ‡”‡Â?…‡• ‘™‹Â?‰ –‘ –Š‡ •‘…‹‘…—Ž–—”ƒŽ framework prevailing at a particular time. As parents, millennials largely prefer the customized style. They compare philosophies and methods and choose what is appropriate for them. While they know what works and what doesn’t work for them, they also do not hesitate to consult, compare, and ask help from other parents. Interestingly, millennials often choose to give their …Š‹Ž†”‡Â? —Â?‹“—‡ ƒÂ?† •‹‰Â?‹Ƥ …ƒÂ?– Â?ƒÂ?‡•Ǥ Š‹• Â?ƒ› „‡ ƒÂ? indication of their sense of individuality and of how they see their children as unique. Most millennial parents encourage self-expression and free play in their children. They strive to have fun with them, even as they also seek to have fun without them. For instance, they may enroll in exercise classes for mothers and children, but may also have solo sessions. Š‡› Ƥ Â?† ™ƒ›• –‘ Šƒ˜‡ †ƒ›• ‘ƥ ‘” Â?‡nj–‹Â?‡ ™‹–Š‘—– feeling guilty about it because they believe in shared ’ƒ”‡Â?–‹Â?‰Ǥ ‹ŽŽ‡Â?Â?‹ƒŽ …‘—’Ž‡• ƒ”‡ Â?‘– Ž‹Â?‡Ž› –‘ Šƒ˜‡ Ƥ š‡† roles and expectations, unlike with past generations where the father is the main provider and the mother is the main caregiver. Roles now can be rearranged and agreed on between the parents.
HOW DO THEY MAKE PURCHASE AND INVESTMENT DECISIONS? Millennial parents have sizable purchasing power and are not afraid to make unconventional choices. Since they are at home in social media, they spend time ”‡•‡ƒ”…Š‹Â?‰ ‘Â? –Š‡‹” ’—”…Šƒ•‡• ƒÂ?† Â?‹Â?‰Ž‡ ‘Â?Ž‹Â?‡ –‘ Ƥ Â?† out what is worth buying. Part of this consciousness may have to do with the fact that children now have more health challenges, such as weight problems, hyperactivity issues, and learning disabilities. Thus, parents tend to prefer healthy food, quality clothes, natural toys, and eco-friendly household products. They are willing to pay extra for value and quality, and as such are also reshaping the economy. As for their investment choices, millennial parents seem to be unlike earlier generations that placed their money in high-value and long-term investments like homes, educational plans, real estate. The older parents worked hard to secure their children’s future. As a result, some millennials who „‡Ž‘Â?‰ –‘ ÂƒĆŤ —‡Â?– ˆƒÂ?‹Ž‹‡• †‘Â?ǯ– ’”‹‘”‹–‹œ‡ „—›‹Â?‰ –Š‡‹” ‘™Â? place, knowing they have homes and lands to inherit. Notable is how many millennials are not afraid to uproot their family and relocate to places of opportunities or to communities they like. I have seen families move to areas where their children could go to alternative schools, or choose to live outside the city for a more natural and healthier environment.
Having grown up in a world where information is easily accessible, millennials are more open to new developments and ideas, including new approaches to parenting. June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Children need to experience the joy of bringing books home and opening them, instead of reading stories from a tablet. Compared to earlier generations who regarded travel as a privilege and not as an investment, millennials place priority in saving enough for family vacations. And they truly believe it is one way to educate the children, especially for parents who opt to do homeschooling. Millennial parents encourage their children to explore the world and spread their wings. These ‡š’Ž‘”ƒ–‹‘Â?• ƒŽ•‘ …‘Â?–”‹„—–‡ –‘ –Š‡‹” †‹Ƽ …—Ž–› ‹Â? ’—––‹Â?‰ †‘™Â? roots. Millennials are “digital natives,â€? the tech-savvy generation. Their households boast the latest gadgets. They are likely to belong to virtual communities, to shop and do business online, and to take long-distance virtual courses. If generations before them valued their privacy, most millennials do not mind sharing details about their lives in social media. Born in a world marked by political, economic, and environmental uncertainties, millennials are unafraid of change, and willing to meet life head on. These traits, illustrated in reality shows like Fear Factor and Survivor, are something they can pass on to their children through guided age-appropriate activities like summer camps and extracurricular activities that equip them with basic survival skills.
HOW CAN THEY BECOME BETTER PARENTS? Admirably, a lot of millennials give importance to becoming better parents. They request workshops, seminars, and conversations on parenting. They want constant updates on what their new options are. 30
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If there is one area where they can improve as parents, it would be in lessening their children’s exposure to technology. It would be good if they could go back to reading their children stories using actual books. There is something special about the physical ritual of going to the bookstore, turning the pages of a book, and inhaling the smell of new books. Children need to experience the joy of bringing books home and opening them, instead of reading stories from a tablet. Millennial parents also need to teach their kids to be less materialistic, especially since it’s so easy to browse online catalogues and buy anything they want. It will help children later in life to be taught now that not everything is immediately accessible. If they want something badly, they will have to ‡š‡”– ‡ƥ ‘”– –‘ ƒ…“—‹”‡ ‹–Ǥ It is also important for millennial families to remember that not all things, including food, come from gadgets. Practical education and life skills are enhanced outside the home. For instance, so their brood will learn to value the food served to them, parents can bring their kids on farm tours to talk to farmers, or to restaurants with open kitchens to have cordial …‘Â?˜‡”•ƒ–‹‘Â?• ™‹–Š –Š‡ …‘‘Â? ƒÂ?† Â•Â–ÂƒĆĄ Ǥ ‡ƒ”Â?‹Â?‰ –‘ ”‡•’‘Â?† –‘ the guard’s greetings or to say “thank youâ€? to waiters—these are things which cannot be experienced by ordering home delivery service via the computer or mobile phone. It’s true that millennials have instant access to a wealth of information online, but there are still many things that …ƒÂ? ‘Â?Ž› „‡ Ž‡ƒ”Â?‡† ‘ƍ ‹Â?‡ǥ ’ƒ”–‹…—Žƒ”Ž› ˆ”‘Â? –Š‡ ‘Ž†‡” generations, and that must be passed on to the next, and the most important of these is the irreplaceable warmth and delight of human interaction. FM
Learning to respond to the guard’s greetings or to say “thank you� to waiters— these are things which cannot be experienced by requesting for home delivery via the computer or mobile phone.
Special Section THE FILIPINO MILLENNIAL
Generation MISUNDERSTOOD?
What millennials need is acceptance and understanding, and, more importantly, the encouragement to prove themselves and achieve their dreams. BY ROWENA DIOCTON
O
n November 20, 2016, some 3,000 people gathered in front of the People Power Monument in Quezon City to protest the surprise burial of ousted president Ferdinand Marcos at the Heroes’ Cemetery (Libingan ng mga Bayani). Over the din of protests over alleged unconstitutional procedures and looming authoritarian rule, Philippine media noticed an unlikely pack leading the group: the Filipino youth.1 What social media feeds and comment sections of news websites focused on, however, was the gall of the youth to stage protests when they could only have been elementary students, infants, or mere uncoupled cells at the height of the Martial Law Era. In the Inquirer.net article “Millennials Lead Protest vs Marcos Burial,” commenters berated the students for being brainwashed and spoiled, and instructed them to go home, study, or just commit suicide.
Millennials lead protests vs Marcos burial: http://newsinfo.inquirer. net/845960/millennials-lead-protests-vs-marcos-burial 1
“Although some moves we make may sound narcissistic, we also have the choice to use the technology to create valuable human connection.” June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Time magazine in 2013 called millennials the “Me Me Me Generation.”2 Four years after, stereotypes which originated from the other side of the world have rooted themselves Ƥ diwa of our nation, which is already fractured by various social ills. How does the Western concept of the millennial generation, which conveniently encapsulates a whole demographic using passing fads like #YOLO (You Only Live Once) and Eat Pray Loveǡ ơ their aspirations? In the real world, these sentiments largely mirror the way social institutions see today’s youth: They are lazy. They are self-centered. They are entitled and full of themselves. These sentiments can come from parents, teachers, relatives, friends, guardians, and even fellow young people. They sting, and what’s worse, not many people bother to ask if these are even true. Imagine how it feels to be part of a group constantly exposed to a single story that doesn’t necessarily Ƥ Ǥ millennial.
“Why would you worry about human rights when you have to worry first about the food on the table, about getting a job?”
THE LIMITED LIFE We presume to know them, but do we know what it’s like to be them? Ƥ ǡ ǡ and your favorite Spam, the term millennial was directly imported from the United States. But even in the U.S., the use of the term is contested. Only four in 10 Americans born between 1981 and 1997 identify with it, according to a 2015 study by the Pew Research Center.3 And yet, in the Philippines, the term has become a mainstay of online content, news articles, and advertisements. For sociologist Dr. Jayeel S. Cornelio, director of the Development Studies Program at Ateneo de Manila University, however, the term millennial is a gross misnomer. He says, “It is a very bourgeois term that describes the experience of bourgeois youth. These are young people who are socially included, in terms of education, in terms of ƫ ǡ Ǥdz of Filipino youth today, only a small subset can be deemed millennials. We use the term in our blogs, texts, Facebook posts, and even in our latest catch-up sessions with friends. But consider this: when we talk about millennials, don’t we really refer only ơ ǫ “It’s as if young people, as far as the Philippines is concerned, can really make choices based on complete freedom.” Dr. Cornelio says. He deems the term unacceptable to our young people because it conceals many of their struggles today. By struggles, Dr. Cornelio points to their inability to access basic necessities, such as quality education. For instance, Ƥ ȋ͕͛Ǥ͙ΨȌ ͕͙ and 24 are out-of-school youth (OSY)—those who are not ǡ Ƥ Ǧ secondary course, and are not working, according to the 2013 Functional Literacy, Education and Mass Media Survey.4 When we homogenize all Filipino youth as millennials, we overlook the plight of millions. “I don’t know where it leads us,
Millennials: The Me Me Me Generation: http://time.com/247/millennials-theme-me-me-generation 2
Somehow, to be a millennial is to be infamous. When someone is discussing human resource dilemmas, apathy toward politics, addiction to technology, weekly travel plans, and pursuit of one’s dreams above all else, then surely that person must be describing a “millennial.” 32
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3 Ǯ ǯǣ https://www.theatlantic.com/ business/archive/2015/09/millennials-reject-term-generation-label/403672/
Out-of-School Children and Youth in the Philippines: http://psa.gov.ph/ content/out-school-children-and-youth-philippines-results-2013-functionalliteracy-education-and 4
but it tells me that we are a society of denial. We are a society that denies the reality of OSYs. We are a society that denies the reality of indigenous youths. The Lumad. What about the militarized youth in Mindanao? Those are young people also. Do they consider themselves as millennials? Doubt it,” says Dr. Cornelio. When we stick to a single story about the Filipino youth, we also continue to perpetuate myths that do not really apply to the whole population. For example, many publications address the issue of “job-hopping” by employed youth. They warn of how young people are so easily bored by routine, Ƥ are lazy. But what they label as lazy, our young people call innovation. “People constantly judge millennials based on standards on how it is to properly execute their work, without understanding how we see the world. I see us as a creative and innovative generation. With the use of technology today, we can invent things that we could have only dreamed of. We are content creators and users,” said Beatrice Ysabel Marquez, in a response speech in front of her fellow graduates during the 178th Commencement Exercises of De La Salle University on February 24.
SCANT CHOICES Marquez embodies the passionate millennial narrative described by Dr. Cornelio, those who constantly look for meaning in their work. Dr. Cornelio warns, however, that many young people don’t have these opportunities. “They might want to hop from one job to another, but in reality, they’re always not just looking for greener pastures. They’re also negotiating.” He went on to explain how an engineering student from a public state university, whom he interviewed for his book, expressed his plan to work in Saudi Arabia as a welder in case he didn’t pass the board exams. “I think that is the kind of mentality many young people have right now. The condition ơ Ǥ choices.” Today’s young people anticipate the worst from the job market, and for a reason. While the unemployment rate has dipped, based on the Annual Labor and Employment Estimates for 2016, underemployment has risen for most Filipinos.5 This could mean that many young people who enter the labor force may not be holding the position they studied for Ƥ Ǥ exposure to alternate millennial narratives, as shown in media and advertisements, we can expect more young people to feel 5 2016 Annual Labor and Employment Status: https://psa.gov.ph/ content/2016-annual-labor-and-employment-status
To call them selfish, self-centered, entitled, and lazy is to paint an incomplete picture of what they are going through. hopeless about their situation because they can’t achieve the dreams they aspire for, dreams dangled in front of them daily. “It’s called anomie. Robert Merton Ǯ ǯ makes it thoroughly impossible for a person to achieve that dream. The wider the gap, the more depressing the situation is and the more hopeless the person can become,” Dr. Cornelio explained. “I hope that we don’t get to that point that people start feeling completely hopeless, because in societies wherein that gap is extremely wide, you have high suicide rates.” Fortunately, the suicide rate among Filipino youth is relatively lower than that of some of our neighboring countries like South Korea, India, and Japan. Dr. Cornelio believes that this is because, like most Filipinos, the youth are still optimistic, and there are still institutions, such as their community, family, and religion, that watch over them. The tendency to socialize with communities across various digital platforms, however, has caused young people to be labeled as self-centered and narcissistic. For Marquez, these social spaces have deeper meaning. “Although some moves we make may sound narcissistic, we also have the choice to use the technology to create valuable human connection. In a time where misogyny, racism, and prejudice are in full force, we use it to create a bigger picture—the social atmosphere of ƪ ǡdz Ǥ And young Filipinos do pride themselves in creating social awareness using social platforms. Last June 2016, many young ͓ ͚͕͖Ƥ
June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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To get through to the way young people perceive themselves and their peers, the whole village has to help. ƪ Ƥ Ǥ ǡ which was a trending topic for Twitter worldwide, celebrated the shared history of young Filipinos and displayed their gift of humor.6 Perhaps similar initiatives to read and understand our Ƥ apathy to social issues of the Filipino youth. Dr. Cornelio argues that their inability to see themselves as a part of a bigger collective is a result of the neoliberal environment, the American dream. “Now why would you worry about the state? Why would you worry about politics? Why would you worry about human rights when you have to Ƥ ǡ ǫdz he asked. We presume to understand their plight, but are we really doing enough? After Image summed up the young Filipino’s struggle perfectly with these lines from their iconic 1995 ballad “Next in Line.” ơ ǫ What’s there to look forward to beyond the biting cold What’s there beyond sleep, eat, work in this cruel life Ain’t there nothin’ else ‘round here but human strife These are the questions we’ve got to face. These questions are not for the Filipino youth to face alone. Because unlike many of the myths attached to millennials, the struggles of the Filipino youth are real. A few of them are fortunate to have more opportunities and choices, but many more are struggling to make ends meet while trying to achieve an Ǥ Ƥ ǡ Ǧ ǡ ǡ lazy is to paint an incomplete picture of what they are going through.
SMOOTHING THE WAY While change does not happen overnight, social institutions can still help reduce the barriers that young people face daily. But that can’t happen when there’s a culture of judgment and denial. When some schools choose to run their institutions as 6 ͓ ͚͕͖Ƥ ǣ ǣ http:// Ǥ Ǥ Ȁ͚͚͗͜͝Ȁ ͚͕͖Ƥ Ǧ Ǧ Ǧ Ǧ Ǧ worldwide#ixzz4ArIrQfQ7
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FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
Ƥ ǡ to the betrayal of young people’s ambitions. When leaders call today’s youth morally depraved and hedonistic, they further alienate them. When society denies them space to tell their stories, we deny them their basic right to live full lives. “I call these young people the isolated generation. They are isolated from bigger structures of society,” says Dr. Cornelio. He sets as examples the youth who have one parent absent while growing up, or whose parents are working overseas or in urban centers far from their homes. To get through to the way young people perceive themselves and their peers, the whole village has to help. One way to do this is for schools to continue conducting exposure trips to communities where youth struggle is apparent. For religious institutions, Dr. Cornelio advocates the strengthening of mentorship, community life, and the quality of conversations. He calls on priests to expand their role in mentoring young people; for communal groups like the Parish Youth Ministry or campus ministries to, as Cardinal Luis Antonio Tagle proposed, “reimagine themselves as parishes”; and for the church to become a place for intelligent conversations. He also encourages parents, teachers, and guardians to examine what exactly do they know about the struggles of their children and students. “The bigger challenge is, can these millennials see their own struggles and collectively work for a better Philippines?” asks Dr. Cornelio. Ƥ ǣ Dz Ƥ Ǥ altruistic behavior that focuses on advocating for the common good. Indulge yourself and be lazy once in a while—but work hard when it matters the most. Compete and thrive in success until you reach the top—but don’t forget the people who helped you along the way.” The Filipino youth is right to be hopeful. Because while their otherness may be discerned as a handicap by some, it’s also the crutch that will prop them up as they build a better future. They are next in line. FM
YOUTH | STARRING
A Perfect
Life-Showbiz
Balance By MARIDOL RANOA-BISMARK
Although Gabbi Garcia, one of the stars of GMA 7’s fantaserye Encantadia and the other half of the GabRu love team (with fellow Kapuso actor Ruru Madrid), is in showbiz, she’s also out of it. And while she enjoys being in showbiz, she is determined not to cling to it. You see, the 18-year-old actress refuses to let her job consume her until she forgets all else—foremost of them her parents, her older sister, and her pet dog. They are the anchor that keeps her from venturing deep into the turbulent, troubled underside of showbiz with its excesses, vices, and materialism. “You have to have a life outside showbiz, or else it will eat you,” she warns. Gabbi’s life outside of tinseltown she considers essential. So she finds time to be with her sister and to play with her dog, to bond with her parents and to seek their advice, and to be with them after this interview for the celebration of her parents’ 25th anniversary. June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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“My parents have always been there to give me the proper mind-set and keep my feet on the ground. They show me what’s important. They tell me that I have to be positive even if something negative happens to me,” says Gabbi.
year course before entering an aviation school, she changed her mind. Gabbi now wants to enroll in a Business Music Management course in college. The course fits in nicely with her work as a singer (she sang the Encantadia theme) and will give her training in recording and producing music. “I want to enhance my music,” she explains. “This is the other side of me.”
TARGETED BY TROLLS This “something negative” she is referring to comes in the form of bashers whose tirades had been so bad as to send Gabbi into a fit of depression. She admits that if she were still in high school (she finished secondary school at St. Paul’s Pasig), her first reaction would have been to fight back. But since entering showbiz in 2014, Gabbi no longer lashes back at detractors and cyberbullies. “As long as you’re secure with yourself, as long as you know you’re doing nothing wrong, and you’re not stepping on other people’s toes, just keep quiet,” she says. Gabbi thinks it’s always best to be the “better person and take the high road all the time.” Instead of retaliating, she focuses her attention on her dreams. Brought up as a Catholic, Gabbi believes God has big plans for her. For one, she dreams of seeing the GabRu tandem reach the heights of success. “I also want an album. I want to be a beauty queen,” she says. But Gabbi is willing to wait for God’s perfect time. “If it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. God has only
SEEKING CONSTANT GROWTH three answers (to prayers): Yes, no, and not right now. In His time.” So she’s fine with waiting for four or five years to fulfill her dream of becoming a Binibining Pilipinas titlist. “It’s a childhood dream, but I take it seriously,” Gabbi says with a chuckle. She thinks 22 or 23 would be the right time to vie for a beauty title because she’d then be a better and wiser person. Her strong faith keeps her from worrying about the future, but Gabbi is not sitting pretty doing nothing; she strives hard to make her dreams come true. She’s an avid beauty pageant watcher, studying everything contestants say and do in preparation for her own entry. The singer-actress also knows there’s no substitute for a good education. “I miss school,” she says with a sigh. Before entering showbiz, she had dreamed of becoming a pilot. But on learning that she must finish a four-
“
My parents have always been there to give me the proper mind-set and keep my feet on the ground.
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FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
So that she won’t be known only for her acting, Gabbi wants to develop as many facets to her personality as possible. Years from now, she wants to tell people that she didn’t stay in her comfort zone of showbiz, but expanded her world, looking for ways to develop herself and find her hidden talents. This is why Gabbi admires singeractress Solenn Heussaff. “She has a life outside showbiz. She’s a painter. She’s a cook. She’s an athlete. She has work-life balance,” Gabbi explains. Besides, Solenn’s “kindness” and knack for “getting along with people from all walks of life” are admirable. Gabbi herself is proud to be a scuba diver and an altar server. Her relative success in such a short time can be overwhelming, but thanks to her faith, she can step back and put her showbiz career in perspective. Gabbi is aware that she still has a lot to learn as an actress. “There’s always room for improvement,” she says, noting that every day is a learning experience. She thinks that an actress who believes she’s so good at her craft has no right to feel so superior. If someone as respected and as acclaimed as Miss Gloria Romero can remain humble, so, too, should those with less experience or recognition. “As long as I’m alive and I’m in the industry, I want to improve in everything I do: acting, singing, and dancing. I want to improve my personality, in how I deal with people, every single day.” Here’s one person who can’t afford to be bored and boring. Her drive, her talents, and most of all, her faith, will see to that. FM
YOUTH | LEARNING
y s Ea As the new school year rolls in, can you turn yourself into the best student you can ever be? By GABRIEL JOSHUA M. FLORESCA All of us have goals in life. As students, our goal is to do well in class, of course. But do academic accomplishments alone define student success? Ruth Martin-De Guzman, special education coordinator at The Raya School in Quezon City, says, “A successful student is someone who not only performs well academically, but also has a positive disposition [toward] learning. More than aiming for perfection, he [or she] understands the importance of the learning process and takes learning successes and failures constructively.” The excellent student, she adds, is a well-rounded, well-adjusted individual. “He [or she] does not only achieve classroom benchmarks, but also enjoys spending time with peers, playing outdoors, and having a quality home life,” she says. Moreover, the accomplished student is one who is aware that he or she is in no competition with anyone, only with his or her own self. “The best goal or measure of success is not being [at the top] of the class,” reminds Teacher Ruth. “It’s being a better learner today than you were the day before.” June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Leading the
Way In many ways, students who excel in class often become the class leaders as well. But it doesn’t always mean that if you’re an exceptional student, you will make a great leader. “Before becoming good leaders, they should be good students first,” clarifies Ruth Martin-De Guzman, a special education coordinator at The Raya School in Quezon City. “Like a good student, a good leader should be open to all the possibilities of learning and should be able to recognize his [or her] role as part of a learning environment.” She adds that a leader is able to gain something from both successes and failures, and always considers himself or herself a perpetual learner. Being given the role of a leader should not make the student consider himself or herself better than anyone else. A leader must be modest enough to know that he or she can’t be good at everything, and that there’s going to be someone else who’s better at other tasks. It is also important for a leader to recognize his or her classmates’ strengths and weaknesses and find ways to help them overcome their limitations. As author J. saKiya Sandifer wrote, “True leaders don’t create followers. They create more leaders!”
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The best goal or measure of success is not being at the top of the class. It’s being a better learner today than you were the day before.
”
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A successful student is someone who not only performs well academically, but also has a positive disposition toward learning.
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PARENTS’ ROLE As for parents, Teacher Ruth knows that their fervent wish is for their children to excel in school, but reminds them of the importance of tempering their expectations. “The primary goal of parents is to provide good learning opportunities for children—not to hand hold or spoonfeed them,” she explains. “Parents should aid in equipping their children with skills that will enable them to boldly explore, discover, and make sound and just decisions.” She cautions that it is not healthy for parents to set expectations for their children because it is the children who should be setting expectations for themselves. “More than anything, parents should be facilitators of the learning environment and children should be allowed to pursue their own learning track,” says the educator. Meanwhile, for students who struggle to catch up with their more accomplished peers, Teacher Ruth shares a simple advice, “There’s no better learner than a relaxed learner. If you put too much pressure on achieving benchmarks, there’s a big chance that you’ll be missing a lot of other valuable skills along the way.”
Remember, scoring high grades could mean nothing if you don’t pay attention to learning other things, such as values like consideration for others, and skills that extend beyond the four walls of the classroom. So keep on learning and striving; with effort and perseverance, you will definitely reach the level of success you deserve in the future. FM
She cautions that it is not healthy for parents to set expectations for their children because it is the children who should be setting expectations for themselves.
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BEST ACTS IN CLASS 1. Attend classes regularly and be on time. 2. Participate and ask thoughtful questions. 3. Turn in assignments that look neat and sharp. 4. Be attentive and avoid chatting or looking out the window. 5. Take advantage of extra credit opportunities offered. 6. Come prepared so you know what to expect.
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SKILLS TO DEVELOP 1. Setting goals. Develop long-term and short-term goals and measure your progress through them. (But be sure goals are realistic.) 2. Managing your time. Make study plans and stick to them. Time management will create a balanced study time which will help you to concentrate properly on all your activities. 3. Taking notes. Jotting down important information during class will enable you to remember lessons more clearly in preparation for your exams. 4. Balancing personal-school life. Get proper restâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;your brain needs sleep in order to synthesize newly learned information. Eat a balanced diet and take part in extracurricular activities to enable you to keep up with rigorous school activities. 5. Organizing. Maintaining a basic filing system not only helps you with your studies, but also develops skills that will surely come in handy in your later years.
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TRAITS OF GOOD LEARNERS 1. Curiosity. They love the discovery part of learning. 2. Diligence. They recognize that a lot of learning isnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t fun, but are willing to put in the time and effort, and they donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t give up easily. 3. Persistence. Faced with repeated failure and seeming futility, they carry on, not letting up until they figure things out. 4. Disciplined. They know that without self-control, they can become easily distracted and will be hard put to implement their study plan. June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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! By ROSS VALENTIN, M.D.
Teenage mood swings can be baffling, but they can also be managed. Here’s how you can understand and control these new, unfamiliar emotions. You’re happy one minute then sad the next, or you suddenly get irritated, angry, or teary-eyed for the slightest reason. Sound familiar? Well, these are all part of the emotional roller-coaster ride teenagers like you go through during adolescence. A number of factors contribute to mood swings in teens, including the following: Hormonal fluctuations. The physical changes that you experience at the onset of adolescence can easily affect your mood. At puberty, the body starts to produce increased amounts of sex hormones, like estrogen and progesterone in girls, and testosterone in boys. High levels and fluctuations of these hormones are often accompanied by emotions such as sadness, irritability, aggression, and recklessness. Moreover, your changing body can leave you confused and make you feel awkward, self-conscious, and insecure about your looks. The brain connection. Adolescents are known to be highly emotional and irrational. Why you sometimes act the way you do—acting impulsively and recklessly, making poor decisions, taking risks—has to do with how your brain develops during this period in your life. Research indicates that emotional development in teens appears to precede the development of control mechanisms in the brain, making it hard for adolescents to cope with their strong emotions. Other changes in teenagers’ lives are thought to contribute to their moodiness.
YOUTH | GROWING Because of your young age and lack of experience, you have yet to develop your ability to deal with life’s pressures and demands. As you encounter all these new situations in your life, you may feel inadequate, overwhelmed, anxious, and frustrated. The adolescent years are also often characterized by struggles connected with your search for identity, independence, and self-image. A sense of belonging and being accepted by your peers is very important to you. Your desire to be independent and the inability to do so can cause frustrations, while the awkward phase of physical growth you are going through also influences how you feel. Teens who experiment with drugs (such as methamphetamine, marijuana, and cocaine) and drink alcohol can likewise experience irrational mood swings and become vulnerable to the risk of drug addiction.
Emotional development in teens appears to precede the development of the brain, making it hard for adolescents to cope with their strong emotions.
What’s Healthy, What’s Not With so many things going on during puberty, mood swings every now and then are inevitable and normal. However, there are instances when moodiness can become unhealthy and even turn into depression. You may have depression if you: Feel any of these almost every day, lasting more than two weeks: sad, empty, hopeless, angry, cranky, worthless, guilty, irritable, or frustrated. Normal moodiness goes away within a few days. Don’t care about or refuse to participate in activities you used to enjoy. Think or talk about suicide, dying, and self-harm, or attempt suicide, even if it’s just a joke or to gain attention. Have extreme feelings of highs and lows, exhibit erratic behavior. Engage in high-risk behavior, such as using drugs or drinking heavily. Have weight gain from overeating or weight loss without dieting. Are oversleeping or have trouble sleeping. Move or talk more slowly, feel restless, or feel exhausted. Have trouble concentrating, remembering information, or making decisions.
Teens who experiment with drugs and drink alcohol can experience irrational mood swings and become vulnerable to the risk of drug addiction.
Have failing grades. June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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If you think you are depressed, ask for help as early as possible. Talk to someone you can trust—your parents, a counselor, a teacher—about your feelings. It’s also good to discuss your issues with a mental health professional, such as a psychiatrist, counselor, psychologist, or therapist. And should you feel like hurting yourself, call 911 at once!
HOW TO OVERCOME PERIODS OF BAD MOODS Here are some of the things you can do to fight off your mood swings:
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Get more sleep. Sleep is essential to keeping your mood stable. It is recommended that teens get eight to 10 hours of sleep every night. Staying up late all the time can leave you feeling grouchy, irritable, and depressed.
what you are going through. They can also give you tips to handle things better. Go out with your family and friends, visit your relatives, hang out with positive people. The more you distract yourself by going out, the better you will feel.
of things to lighten your mood. Get busy with activities like learning a new language, playing a musical instrument, listening to soft music, playing games with friends, doing a project, or writing in a journal to release those pent-up emotions.
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It may not seem so right now, but know that your emotional turmoil will not last forever. Like most teens, you’ll outgrow your erratic moods over time. As you get older, you will learn to control your emotions better, conflicts with your parents will simmer down, and you will acquire more adaptive ways to deal with your moods. FM
It’s OK to cry sometimes. Letting out your emotions through crying is healthy. You may also allow yourself time and space to sort things out. But it’s still best to tell your parents what you are going through and what you are feeling.
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Relax and take a breather. Just taking things easy, stepping back, and looking at the situation from another angle will help you realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
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Get busy. Mood swings can be overwhelming at times, but you don’t always have to give in to them. You can actually do a number
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Eat well. Skipping meals and not eating enough can worsen your mood changes. Eat regularly and go for a balanced diet that includes lots of fruits, vegetables, and nuts. Diets rich in magnesium and selenium and tryptophan have been shown to improve moods. On the other hand, diets high in calories and saturated fats may lead to depression.
3
Stay hydrated. Dehydration can cause mood instability, so be sure to drink at least eight glasses of water a day.
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Exercise. It’s a mood booster and stress reliever. Running, biking, swimming, and playing basketball, volleyball, or football produce endorphins, the “feel-good” chemicals which can make you feel better.
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Avoid caffeine. Imbibing caffeine, contained in energy drinks, coffee, and other beverages, can cause anxiety, irritability, restlessness, dehydration, and sleep problems.
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Wait. Take your time before acting on your extreme emotions. Your negative mood will eventually pass. Meantime, you can go for a walk or listen to music until your emotions settle down.
7
Communicate. Clamming up will not help you. Neither is locking yourself up in your room. Talking to your parents can help you better understand 42
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
Just taking things easy, stepping back, and looking at the situation from another angle will help you realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem.
YOUTH | CHOOSING
By EXCEL V. DYQUIANGCO
Looking at a career in TV hosting? Travel and adventure host Milo Anzo shows us what it takes to be one. TV show host Milo Anzo has come a long way since his growing-up days living in an impoverished and dangerous community in Manila. Even then, he had always wanted to be in the limelight, but was discouraged by his circumstances. “Even as a young kid, I wanted to escape from it all. I wanted to show to the whole world what I was capable of, but how could I when all I saw were brawls, hunger, and all the negative stuff?” says Milo. But he knew there was one way out of his predicament—education. So he studied hard, supported in his academic endeavors by his grandmother who raised him, as his mother was working in a garment factory in Lesotho in southern Africa to support her family in the Philippines. In high school, Milo dreamed of going into theater and film directing after graduation, but ended up taking Business Administration in college, majoring in Export Management, at
“
Even as a young kid, I wanted to escape from it all. I wanted to show to the whole world what I was capable of, but how could I when all I saw were brawls, hunger, and all the negative stuff? De La Salle-College of Saint Benilde, because he thought of running a business as well eventually to secure his future. But when his mother was retrenched, he was forced to drop out of school to give way to his sister who was in college as well. “It became a financial struggle for all of us, and I knew I had to do something to help augment our family income,” he says.
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ALL-AROUND WORKER Milo then started taking on odd jobs, including working as a waiter and as a sales clerk. He later landed a job as a teacher of special children in China, the first time he traveled and worked overseas. For three years, he taught English, Math, and Science, and on special occasions, acted as the school mascot. One time, he was asked to don the dragon costume, which he did even though he suffered from June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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claustrophobia. Still, it turned out to be fun, as his young students squealed in delight and hugged him. When he returned to the Philippines, he decided to continue his studies. He applied for and was granted a full scholarship at the College of St. Benilde. But even while studying, the limelight continued to call. He decided to attend three acting workshops, hoping to improve his acting skills and conquer his stage fright. This decision paved the way for him to land some bit parts on the telenovelas Pangako Sa ’Yo and Doble Kara. “It helped me gain confidence performing in front of people,” he says. After graduation, Milo worked at the Ateneo Graduate School of Business to avail himself of an MBA scholarship, but resigned when he was given the break he had been waiting for—an offer to do television hosting.
With his fear of heights and enclosed spaces, and since he doesn’t like to swim, the requirements of hosting a travel show are especially challenging for Milo.
IN SEARCH OF ADVENTURES This opportunity came after he auditioned for an upcoming travel show Trippers, landing the gig together with two others, a beauty queen and a reporter. “The experience was surreal because I was thinking that this show would provide me the opportunity to tour the whole country,” he says. “During the show, we wrote our own spiels and we had to speak English with a twang. It was a struggle to keep [it] up but I was proud of myself and… learned to love what I was been doing.” The show lasted for 13 episodes, and he covered several places in the country like Surigao del Norte, Eastern Samar, Palawan, and Cebu. After months of airing, the show was transferred to another TV station and renamed Lakwatseros. This time, only two remained as hosts—Milo and the reporter. Fortunately, they were now allowed to speak in Filipino, which made it a more relaxing experience for Milo. The show aired for two seasons, but Milo took his leave in the middle of the second season because of an offer to host Lost Boy Adventures (Ang Travel Show na may Hugot). Now in its second season, Lost Boy Adventures, which airs on Studio 44
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
23 every Saturday morning, is a travel and lifestyle magazine show where success stories of ordinary people are interspersed with tours of different local destinations. As the host, Milo scours interesting places in Metro Manila and travels to scenic spots outside the metro, from Baguio City to Boracay, from El Nido to Laguna and Pampanga. Aside from hosting, he has also embarked on co-producing some episodes of the show, another exciting discovery for him. With his fear of heights and enclosed spaces, and since he doesn’t like to swim, the requirements of hosting a travel show are especially challenging for Milo. He recounts going parasailing once, and recalls his heart
pounding, but he had persevered and survived the “harrowing” incident. Milo continues to find excitement and inspiration in his chosen line of work. “It’s a fulfilling experience because I not only get to travel for free, but this is a job that pays the rent,” he says candidly. He may have taken the roundabout way, but Milo has found the path back to his true love—entertaining people on the small screen. FM
PARENTS’ CORNER |PROTECTING
k o o L t a
! e M
How can parents regulate their child’s selfie activity to healthy levels?
By RUTH MANIMTIM-FLORESCA
It’s normal for people
to want to check how they look in the mirror, especially when outside of their home, but with the advent of mobile gadgets with cameras, many seem to have taken their self-awareness to extreme levels. In the age of selfies, both young and old have no qualms posting their photos on social media platforms such as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Snapchat for everyone to see. “Indeed, the selfie culture has become the new craze, especially among youngsters,” confirms Myla Lee-Tolentino. Teacher Myles is the school directress and co-owner of Pail and Shovel Integrated School, Inc., a progressive school that espouses holistic development through hands-on learning and dynamic interaction. Teacher Myles notes that even celebrities and prominent people have joined the bandwagon, recalling the incident a few years ago when ex-U.S. president Barack Obama, former British prime minister David Cameron, and former Denmark prime minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt were criticized for taking a selfie together during the late Nelson Mandela’s memorial service. June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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GETTING HOOKED Although not everyone is obsessed with posting selfies online, Teacher Myles says many people, especially teenagers, are enticed to do so for several reasons:
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Self-discovery. The younger generations grew up in the technological age and regard interacting with the world using online social media and technology as a normal thing. “They use these platforms to form their identities in the digital world,” she explains. “As human beings, we are generally and constantly doing our best to stand out, whether with material things, knowledge, lifestyle, etc. and taking selfies is no different.” For some people, selfies help them portray the ‘best’ versions of themselves to the world. “It can be translated to, ‘Look at me. This is who I am.’” For others, posting selfies can be a way to inspire other people, or just help them get through the day or pass the time away, says Teacher Myles. Meanwhile, there are those who post selfies, from the best to the weirdest, to conquer their fear of being judged and to build up their confidence.
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Belongingness. At times, people upload their photos, like no-makeup or live-in-the-moment-themed selfies, to join a good cause, and this can have a positive effect on themselves and others. “These kinds of activities help people feel a part of something, which translates to belonging in a group, aiming for acceptance, safety, and comfort. The phenomenon is a complete and natural aspect of being human,” says the educator.
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Attention and validation. As they are growing up, teens want to feel that their opinions, preferences, and choices matter, and that they also have an important place in the world. Often, they feel happy when their selfie receives compliments and likes from other people. But uploading multiple selfies a day is a behavior that can signal an unhealthy need to be “seen.” Teacher Myles explains that there are people who use social media to get more
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Selfie posts that express sadness, exhaustion, or depression may be signs that the person is seeking something deeper than attention, like love. attention and assess how others view them. “Comments and feedback online become their proof that someone notices or cares for them. Internally, the more likes and approval a person gets, the more s/he could feel important and popular.” At the other end of the spectrum, selfie posts that express sadness, exhaustion, or depression may be signs that the person is seeking something deeper than attention, like love.
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Excitement. At times, teens resort to taking selfies to capture the rush that comes from doing risky and dangerous activities and to demonstrate their strength and capability as they hit the peak of their powers. They may also do this as an act of defiance and a show of independence from adults.
REAPING NEGATIVE EFFECTS But posting countless selfies may not be good for psychological health, especially of the young, as it may bring out latent narcissistic tendencies. “It can be noted that selfies are a manifestation of society’s obsession
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
with good looks and its ever-narcissistic embrace,” points out Teacher Myles. “Giving too much importance to one’s looks and how one is being perceived by others only paves the way for people to create their own inflated sense of self and their own reality.” She explains that capturing almost every moment via selfie is like looking in the mirror all day long but, this time around, shared with other people to increase the pleasure for the uploader. “Unfortunately, excessive narcissism can have detrimental effects on marriage and relationships, parenting, and in the workplace. It may not be felt yet by the young ones, but as they continue with the obsession, they will likely feel the negative effects as they grow older,” says Teacher Myles.
This is validated by a recent UK study, which she says found that the selfie phenomenon can damage realworld relationships. According to the study results, excessive sharing of photos, including selfies, makes the person less likable, as the pictures may elicit negative emotions from others who often see the same kinds of postings over and over. Sexual undertones, made-up scenarios of happiness, enhanced portrayal of lifestyles and achievements “might not be able to pass the meticulous eyes and critical judgments of the selfie subject’s audience,” she says. “The same study also found out that the selfie culture somehow decreases intimacy among individuals. Being engrossed in one’s own looks may make others feel their self-inadequacy and make them more self-conscious in the presence of the selfie subject.” The technology hype, therefore, could result in low self-esteem and competition among peers.
FINDING BALANCE Teacher Myles notes that the selfie phenomenon has now become a concern for many families, but adds that “it will not end soon as new generations continue to embrace and support it.” What parents can do is “teach our children to present themselves online in a more responsible way so that their favorite [activity] will not pose any danger to them.” How then should moms and dads help their kids understand and deal with the selfie culture better? Teacher Myles says parents should ask their children why they are posting selfies to see if this is being done for positive or healthy reasons. If a child gives answers such as “I feel happy when I see myself online,” “I feel great when I have thousands of likes,” or “I find myself complete when I do a selfie,” this should signal to parents that it’s time to discuss with their children what real contentment, happiness, and acceptance are all about. Responses like “I feel comforted when I post online,” “I want everyone to know I can surpass my problem,” or “I feel courageous when I post” are also indications that parents need to talk to
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Giving too much importance to one’s looks and how one is being perceived by others only paves the way for people to create their own inflated sense of self.
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their children about the right way to deal with peer pressure and overcome challenges, assuring them that no matter what, mom and dad will always be by their side. Given this new selfie culture, Teacher Myles advises parents to ensure the safety and monitor the activities of their kids when they are online. “Have an open line of communication so children can ask for support and willingly talk to you. Get involved in their online activities, as this will help you identify if they are getting attention from unwanted sources.” Lastly, set guidelines and limitations on how your children should present themselves to the online community. “These should be set early on so that dangerous and unwanted situations will be prevented from the beginning,” says the school directress. “We must understand that the millennials grew up alongside the Internet. In this fast-paced environment, they are still discovering more about themselves, their power, capabilities, and purpose,” explains Teacher Myles. “In their own way, they want to get the message across that they, too, are important members of society and thus want to leave their mark in this world.” Parents therefore have the responsibility to make sure they are keeping a watchful eye and providing a guiding hand as their children navigate their way through the challenges of the digital age. FM
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Have an open line of communication so children can ask for support and willingly talk to you.
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June-August 2017 | FamilyMatters
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PARENTS’ CORNER | BELIEVING
Bopeep’s
Conversion By EXCEL V. DYQUIANGCO
How God led her out of her dark, stormy existence is an inspiration to all who despair in life. Bopeep Espiritu learned early on to fill the loneliness of her young life by spending her time in school, in the company of her female classmates. Home was not a welcoming place, as her father had a longstanding battle with alcoholism and would often go into rages. “Since my school was exclusive to girls, I sought friendships with females and found comfort in the company of women,” says Bopeep. When her father fell ill due to liver cirrhosis, Bopeep, despite not having a close relationship with God, began calling on Him to heal her father. However, her father’s condition grew unstable and gradually worsened. The emotional roller-coaster experience led Bopeep to believe that God was not only ignoring her prayers but was even toying with her. When her father died, the strain sent Bopeep into her own desperate journey into substance abuse. It became, she says, “the start of my own long battle with the bottled devil.” She was then only 20 years old and “I was already angry with God.” After graduating from college, Bopeep continued her wayward existence. Over the next 20 years, she spent an aimless life, switching jobs and chasing various relationships, using up her earnings on dates, and drinking to get over heartbreaks. As a lesbian, she was always in love, but was never at peace. She says, “Later on I realized that my pursuit of women was actually to [nourish] my own vanity. Little did I know that I was doing the devil’s work there, confusing [women] and derailing [them] from their true nature.” In all this, her lukewarm relationship with the Lord continued until in 2012, she got introduced to a Catholic charismatic community through a friend’s Facebook status. The friend messaged an invitation for her to attend a session, and she did. 48
FamilyMatters | June-August 2017
“I continued to attend The Feast and I found it very exhilarating,” Bopeep says. “It was as they said the happiest place on earth. It was incredible how the Lord could love all His children.” Still, Bopeep entered into another relationship and faced many other challenges, such as her sister getting sick, but the Lord graciously took her away from that relationship and restored her sister’s health. After witnessing the Lord’s abiding grace while she was waging her inner struggles, Bopeep’s heart told her to reach out and spread the news of His love to the non-believing members of the LGBT community.
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I continued to attend The Feast and I found it very exhilarating.
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“The first happened in July 2016 and the last was in October 2016 at The Light of Christ Healing Ministry in the Christ the King parish church where I shared my story,” she says. “I also got interviewed for Word & Life Magazine [and shared] my conversion story.” Her story was published in February 2017. Today, Bopeep is continuing her new life and taking steps to join a Christian support group that is helping the broken pursue a relationship with the Lord. Because of her advocacy, she has chosen to remain single so as to fully concentrate on her calling. “I am still in the process of seeking the Lord to show me the right way [of carrying out] this advocacy and bring it into full action,” she says humbly. FM
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