Contents
The Magazine for the Filipino Family
Volume 5 • Number 2 | September-November 2017
2
8 17
28 REGULAR 2 4 6
HOMEWORK Parents: ‘Guardian Angels’ of the Home
MEDIA CLASSIFICATIONS
FAMILY NOTE
25 Child’s Play
A Community Collaboration
28 Creating a Tech-Savvy Home
FRAMEABLE
31 The Rating Game
PARENTS’ CORNER 8
47 24 SPECIAL SECTION
Our Lady of Fatima’s Apparition
NURTURING Pet Pal
11 PARENTING
34
40 CELEBRATING 20 Ways to Show You Care
42 CHOOSING Fitness on the Go
44 PREVENTING Teen Dating 101
YOUTH TALK 34 RESPECTING
47 STARRING Deep in the Heart of Darren
Honor Thy Lolo and Lola
37 RELATING Grace Under Pressure
Language of the Heart
14 PROTECTING 7 Tips to Hack-Proof Your Online Accounts
17 BONDING All in a Day’s Work
20 EATING
About the
COVER Joel Dacillo, an alumnus of Don Bosco Technical College, Mandaluyong City, Batch 1980, together with his wife, Rubi, and two daughters, Joey and Jani.
When Less Is More September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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HOMEWORK
Parents:
‘Guardian Angels’ of the
Home
It is crucial that the physical presence and moral guidance of parents is felt by the children in the family abode.
Every time we hear the words “guardian angel,” the image that comes immediately to our mind is that of a white-winged celestial figure in the act of protecting someone from danger or evil.
By FR. BERNARD P. NOLASCO, SDB 2
We pray to our guardian angels to protect us from harm whenever we leave the house. Make no mistake of only associating the devotion of guardian angels with children. Psalm 91:11 clearly reveals the presence of angels who are tasked by God to keep watch over us: For he shall give his angels charge over you, to keep you in all your ways. No less than Satan himself, while trying to tempt the Lord Jesus in the desert, exclaimed the truth about the existence of angels and their roles as our protectors and guardians when he said to Him: If you are the Son of God, cast yourself down: for it is written, He shall give his angels charge concerning you: and in their hands they shall bear you up, lest at any time you dash your foot against a stone. (Matthew 4:6)
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
Innate in our good nature as creatures created in the image and likeness of God is our desire to keep our loved ones safe from all harm. We wish everyone well and we often pray for each other’s safety and security from all evil. No person in his/her right mind would wish evil on others or put someone in danger. Every time I officiate the Sacrament of Baptism, I always remind parents that their prime responsibility and duty in front of God and the Church is to lead and guide their children to grow in God’s grace as His children. In the Rite of Baptism, one of the first questions that the priest asks the parents is: You have asked to have your child baptized. In doing so you are accepting the responsibility of training him (her) in the practice of the faith. It will be your duty to bring him (her) up to keep God’s commandments as Christ taught us, by loving God and our neighbor. Do you clearly understand what you are undertaking? The parents promptly answer: We do.
PARENTS’ KEY MISSION At home, the visible guardian angels of children are their very own parents. The main duty and responsibility of parents is to be their children’s guardians not only when their children are still small but also, and most importantly, when their children begin to enter the age of reason and the age of adolescence. There is nothing wrong if parents become busy with their professions so as to provide their children with their basic needs like shelter, food, education, health care, leisure, and recreation. The problem develops when parents become too busy or preoccupied with their duties outside the home that little by little they delegate to others, and even use gadgets as substitute for, their proactive physical presence in their growing children’s lives. When parents are too lenient and allow their children who are still under 18 years old to own mobile phones or occupy a bedroom equipped with a
I always remind parents that their prime responsibility and duty in front of God and the Church is to lead and guide their children to grow in God’s grace as His children. personal computer with Internet access, without placing proper restrictions and parental supervision, their God-given role as guardians becomes bleak and weak. Too late for them to realize that their children have been corrupted by the things they engage with in the absence of their parents’ wise and prudent guidance. I know of parents who take their role seriously and conscientiously as guardians for as long as their children live with them. They tell me how difficult it is to plan well all their tasks at work so that they may be home once their children come home from school. Some of them sacrificed opportunities to work overseas inasmuch as they are more after ensuring their valuable presence during their children’s growing years.
THE LOVING KONTRABIDA These parents are ready to accept being the “kontrabida” in their children’s eyes whenever they impose house rules and healthy restrictions on the use of various means of social communication. There are times when, no matter how they try
to explain their points, their children will stubbornly not listen and will even let their parents feel that they do not understand or trust their children. But these parents know that such childish reactions are temporary. They all believe that their children will realize sooner or later that what their parents are doing, no matter how unpopular their actions are, will benefit them by making them feel safe and securing them from social, moral, spiritual, and emotional corruption. When parents are proactively involved, children feel loved and cared for and see that their welfare is their parents’ utmost concern. Soon, the children begin to appreciate their parents’ presence, no longer thinking of them as the “kontrabidas” but the “superbidas” in their lives…their ever loving and caring guardian angels. FM
FAMILY NOTE Volume 5 | Number 2 September-November 2017
ROMELDA C. ASCUTIA Editor
rascutia888@gmail.com
A Community Collaboration It takes a barangay to raise a child, and this holds true more so now in these times of mounting social, moral, and safety and security challenges. Parents, of course, will remain the primary caretakers of children. As Fr. Drans stresses in his regular column on page 2, they are entrusted by the Lord to act as ever-watchful “guardian angels” of the home they are establishing for their young family. Together, husband and wife take on the joy, privilege, and sacrifices of parenthood, preparing their children to become the kind of adults God intends them to be. This responsibility includes making sure to monitor well what their children are imbibing from their main sources of entertainment and information in the home today—the TV set, the laptop, and other electronic gadgets. This is why for our special section, which starts on page 24, Family Matters focuses on how parents can properly monitor, guide, and protect their children whenever the young ones watch TV or surf online or play video games. In these pages, parents can read about the media classification guide to better apply it, understand the need for Internet and video game literacy, and appreciate the importance of balancing digital play and real-world play. As such, parents need the help of other grown-ups not just in the home but also in the community to ensure their youngsters’ well-being and proper development. At home, the grandparents are one of these valuable people, and children are truly blessed if their lolos and lolas are still around to love and care for them. Coincidentally, we celebrate Grandparents’ Day on September 10 and Linggo ng Katandaang Filipino on the first week of October. So on page 34, our young writer shares the teachings of his wise lolas and expresses his gratitude for the part they have played in who he is today. And in school, it is the educators who are the major influencers of our children, their secondary parents outside the home. So it’s only fitting to give them due recognition, especially on World Teachers’ Day, which this year falls on October 5. Indeed, no less than a whole village is required to rear our children so they emerge compassionate and respectful adults, law-abiding and productive citizens, protectors of the earth and its resources, and wise and gracious leaders. It’s a tall order, certainly, but not an impossible mission if everyone— from the parents, relatives, and neighbors to the teachers, the police, the local officials, and all other members of the neighborhood—does his or her role with conviction and moral ascendancy. FM
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FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
PUBLISHER Don Bosco Press, Inc. ADVISER Fr. Bernard P. Nolasco, SDB EDITOR Romelda C. Ascutia ART DIRECTOR Early Macabales CONTRIBUTORS Michele S. Alignay Maridol Rañoa-Bismark Aileen Carreon Erica Cai Cortez Erlinda Esguerra Excel V. Dyquiangco Gabriel Joshua M. Floresca Ruth Manimtim-Floresca Annabellie Gruenberg Stephanie Mayo Fr. Fidel Orendain, SDB Ross Valentin, M.D. DBPI-MMS PHOTOGRAPHER Raymond S. Mamaril PRODUCTION MANAGER Early Macabales CIRCULATION Don Bosco Press, Inc. PRODUCT SPECIALIST Jino Feliciano HAIR & MAKEUP ARTIST Ranilo D. Gabor LEGAL COUNSEL Sapalo Velez Bundang & Bulilan Law Offices PRINTER
is a quarterly magazine published by Don Bosco Press, Inc. (02) 816-1519 / (02) 893-9876 Antonio Arnaiz cor. Chino Roces Avenues, Makati City, Philippines ©2017 by Don Bosco Press Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced without permission from the publisher.
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FRAMEABLE
Our Lady of Fatima’s Apparition We’re celebrating this year the 100th Anniversary of Our Lady’s Apparition at Fatima (1917-2017) One hundred years after the six apparitions (May-October 1917) of Our Lady to the three children of Fatima, here are the Eight Main Messages conveyed through our Blessed Mother: G The need for prayer and penance to be offered to the Lord for the conversion of sinners and the salvation of souls from eternal damnation; G The reality and dreadfulness of hell; G The duty to avoid sin and to make amends and offer reparation not only for one’s own sins but also for the sins of others; G The reality of heaven and the conditions to be admitted into it; G The vital role of Mary Most Holy in the fulfillment of God’s plan for the salvation of the world; G The importance of the daily recitation of the Rosary; G The spread of the Devotion to the Immaculate Heart of Mary; G The observance of the Five First Saturdays as part of God’s ‘Peace Plan’.
Taken from the booklet FATIMA: A Message of Love and Peace for the World, Jess P. Balon, Word & Life Publications, page 56.
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FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Pet Pal By Erica Cai Cortez
After a long day at work or in school, it would be lovely to be welcomed home by a friendly and cuddly pet. However, getting one requires careful consideration; it’s not an impulsive decision you make after seeing a cute animal on YouTube or at your neighbor’s. Pets require responsibility, time, money, and patience—things that might be daunting if your family, especially the children, is not yet up for the challenge. But with enough preparation and commitment, everyone— including the animal itself—can adjust happily to the new arrangements. Here, we spell out the perks and pains of taking care of a pet so your family can arrive at a more informed decision on whether to welcome a furry companion into your home.
.QRZ ¿ UVW ZKDW you’re getting into before bringing a family pet home. 8
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
PARENTS’ CORNER | NURTURING
Animals have a way of turning around a bad day, calming people down, and bringing about good vibes all around.
PET PERKS Let’s count the many benefits people gain from having wonderful animals in their lives. Emotional support. The love and affection that pets shower on their owners will surely elicit smiles and laughter from everyone. Animals have a way of turning around a bad day, calming people down, and bringing about good vibes all around. Some pawed pals even coax out the surprisingly softer side of the most unlikely people. In the case of Joyce Mendoza, the Labrador puppy her husband gave her back when they were still dating often had to be left in the care of her strict father while she was at work. “Papa is a retired policeman,” she says. “My mom and I saw how having Charlie at home helped him become more lighthearted and adjust to his retirement.” Joyce herself experienced unconditional love from their family dog. “Since I’m an only child, having Charlie was somewhat like having a sibling who always empathized with me whenever I was down,” she explains. Sense of responsibility. Since a pet requires dedication and commitment, kids learn to stick to a schedule of feeding, bathing, walking, and playing with them. The tween daughter of Joseph Aguas used to dislike household chores. “When Bridget first said that she wanted a pet cat, we initially brushed off the request since we knew how lazy she tended to be around the house,” the father of three admits. But the child persisted even after her parents listed all the responsibilities that she would have to shoulder. When her parents got her a cat for Christmas, the youngster set out to prove she could abide by the deal they made and took good care of Snowy. “Aside from cleaning her pet’s litter box and feeding her, Bridget’s attitude towards housework also improved,” Joseph shares. Besides a sense of responsibility, animals can also teach humans good values. “Kids often learn how to be gentle, patient, and understanding when they are training an animal,” says Mark Pabriaga, owner of Cartimar Pet Center in Pasay City. Increased safety. Animals, especially dogs, can help keep your loved ones safe. “They bark when there are strangers lurking around the house, thus alerting their owners,” Mark explains. “Animals sense upcoming dangers such as earthquakes. Their heightened senses can also pick up instances of gas leaks or fire accidents.”
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Kids often learn how to be gentle, patient, and understanding when they are training an animal.
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Easing the pain of loss. For Amanda, the decision to acquire a pet came after her daughter experienced a terrible crisis. The child was barely a teenager when she got in a car accident that unfortunately took the life of her father. “After the tragedy, she struggled with depression during her teenage years and even dropped out of school for a while,” the now single mother relates. Apart from therapy and lots of love from family and friends, the arrival of their pet beagle helped in the child’s recovery. “Tyke brought hope to my daughter,” Amanda says of their family dog. Mark points to studies that show how pets exert a positive effect on people who undergo traumatic experiences or have mental health issues. “Bonding with and taking care of animals give people a sense of self-worth,” he said. “Pets have also been proven to lessen stress and anxiety attacks.” September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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PET PEEVES Sometimes, though, animals can also create some challenging situations in the home.
Pets thrive best in a spacious environment where they are free to move about, so limited space may be a concern, especially with large pets.
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Chaos. A new pet can bring disruption into the family life, like having to clean up after it, necessitating some adjustments to the household routine. “Basically, if you think your lifestyle and schedule won’t be able to handle the craziness that pets can bring—an untidy home, poop, noise—then don’t force it,” Mark says. He also explains that pets thrive best in a spacious environment where they are free to move about, so limited space may be a concern, especially with large pets. After Joyce finally got married and moved into a onebedroom condominium with her husband, pet Charlie was not able to adjust to the cramp space and the twice-a-day walks in their building’s small garden. “He became very fretful,” Joyce recalls, adding that poop management was also a hassle as the stench would fill their small unit quickly. The condominium’s personnel eventually sent them a letter about the noise that Charlie was making. The newlyweds sadly decided to return their beloved pooch to Joyce’s family home. “Luckily, my dad was more than willing to take him back,” she says. Allergies and other health issues. A definite downside to having a furry friend is when they trigger an allergic reaction. Studies also indicate that the stench of cat feces can be harmful to some people, especially pregnant women. “If you are not sure about your animal-related allergies, then try to ask a doctor first,” Mark advises. “Pet sitting” someone else’s cat or dog is also one way to determine if your body does not react adversely to the presence of an animal. Safety hazards. Although affectionate, pets may bite or scratch when provoked or when playing. “Some dog breeds will even require extra attention and training to make sure that the children around them will be safe,” Mark says. And if the owners are living with small children, aggressive creatures such as snakes and fierce insects are also not recommended. “Always consider the overall situation of everyone at home before buying a pet,” Mark advises. Monetary costs. Of course, animals have to be kept healthy and happy—and ensuring this will cost you serious money. So consider first if your family can afford to keep one. “Pets need regular veterinary checkups, numerous vaccines over the years, and the right type of food,” Mark says. Animals are also susceptible to accidents and illnesses, so owners need to have an emergency fund for them. Given all these factors, you can now better assess whether your family and a pet are a perfect fit. FM
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
PARENTS’ CORNER | PARENTING
Language of
Heart
the
PUSO DATI
KAILANGAN
BANSA KASO DALAWANG TAONG NGAYON KAPATID MUNDO BAHAY PAG-ASA
BUHAY
MANA
DATI BUWAN
PISO PUSO BUKAS
LOOB GUSTO ATIN
TUNAY
RESULTA
BAGO PANAHON
ALAALA
TULONG
PUWEDE
DAPAT
BIGAY ALAY KAPATID
BAGO
LAHAT BAYAN MAHAL TAUMBAYAN
FILIPINO
MAHAL
LANDAS
BAYANI
PAG MAMAHAL TUNAY ANAK ALAM INA
By Ruth Manimtim-Floresca
English may be the universal language, but Filipino must be cherished and cultivated as the symbol of our love for our country and our identity as a people. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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My two siblings and I were raised in Laguna and grew up speaking Tagalog at home despite our mom being a high school English teacher. We later became competent in speaking and writing in English through reading books, attending school, and watching Hollywood movies. Similarly, my husband and I chose to raise our children with Tagalog as their primary language. We recognized the importance of first establishing in our boys a strong national identity as Filipinos before equipping them with the skills they needed to become globally competitive. Now in their teens and twenties, our sons easily speak and write in English while retaining proficiency in Filipino. Two of them have already had numerous English articles published while another one works in the business process outsourcing industry.
DECLINING SENSE OF IDENTITY Undeniably, to be able to communicate in English, the language of global citizens, is important, whether in school, at work, in business, and in everyday life. Thus, a lot of Filipino parents today opt to make English their children’s primary
language. But while it is delightful to hear little kids communicating in straight English, for some parents, there are challenges that come with such choice. Over the years, in my online and personal interactions with other moms, I’ve heard admissions about how English-speaking kids can run into difficulties communicating with people who only speak Filipino and dealing with school subjects taught in our native tongue. On the other hand, there are parents who believe that learning Filipino first might interfere with how their children would learn English later, while other moms even sounded proud to share how their English-speaking children are failing in their Filipino subjects. The late Dr. Henry Funtecha, a historian and champion of Western Visayas history and culture, described this odd mentality in one of his old articles, “It is sad to note that, in today’s times, there are many Filipinos who
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admire their countrymen who are very good in speaking the English language but consider those not good in English as not as intelligent or not as knowledgeable as the others.” Joyce Abela-Chavis, a teacher at Masbate National Comprehensive High School who is married to an American and whose family is now based in the Philippines, shares that since her two children were born in the United States, they have adopted English as their primary language. At present, Jerich (third grader) and Gabrielle (first grader) attend a private school of mostly English-speaking students. “My son finished first and second grade in public schools. His classmates would not speak to him and he once asked me if they hated Americans. I transferred him to a different public school when I found out he was being bullied,” she reveals. “However, only the teachers would talk to him in the new school so he easily got bored in the classroom.”
It is sad to note that, in today’s times, there are many Filipinos who admire their countrymen who are very good in speaking the English language but consider those not good in English as not as intelligent or not as knowledgeable. 12
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
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The situation led Joyce to partially homeschool Jerich, who would only attend classes to take exams, quizzes, and join selected activities. “He did well academically even in the Filipino subject because he knows pandiwa, pangngalan, and other parts of speech. He can even read Filipino but has difficulty speaking it.”
ENCOUNTERING HARDSHIPS Joyce admits that there are still many disadvantages to having English as a primary language if you’re living in the Philippines. “My kids have a limited number of friends who are mostly professionals and high school students. My daughter also confesses to feeling anxious whenever she has to study Filipino,” she confides. “In addition, other kids laugh at them, and during kids’ service at Church, they’d prefer to play instead of listen because they couldn’t understand what the speakers were saying.” As a teacher, Joyce recommends that parents with English-speaking kids teach them to speak Filipino by always giving an English translation to sentences to help them better understand the local language. She also suggests setting play dates with Filipinospeaking kids and watching local kiddie shows that use Filipino as the medium of communication. “For the new parents, even before your children learn to speak, show them objects and say the names in English and Filipino,” she adds. “Read to and give them books with translations. Encourage them to ask questions as well as give them chances to respond to yours. What matters greatly is that we are always ready to listen.”
STRIKING A BALANCE Eleven-year-old Ysabelle Banocnoc is able to sustain conversations in English and Tagalog because she’s used to speaking, reading, and writing in both languages. According to her mom Sharon, “My husband and I wanted our kids to learn Tagalog as their first
Joyce recommends that parents with English-speaking kids teach them to speak Filipino by always giving an English translation to sentences to help them better understand the local language. language because it’s convenient for everyone, including our helpers,” she reasons. “But we still teach them basic English on separate occasions.” Belle, who started preschool at three years old, found it very easy to learn English in school especially now that she’s there for six to eight hours, five days a week. “Most of her friends are English-speaking. She has little difficulty passing her Filipino and Hekasi subjects because she’s proficient in our native language. This is her advantage over classmates who cannot speak or understand Tagalog.” Sharon urges Filipino parents to speak to the kids in their native language to ensure that they can compose complete and correct Filipino sentences. “Kids are like sponges. They easily absorb what we teach them especially with constant practice,” she explains. “Do not expose them to gadgets early. Instead, communicate
with them regularly to maximize twoway conversations.”
NURTURING NATIONALISM Leilani Manimtim and her husband prioritized Filipino as their daughter’s mother tongue and consider English as just a second language. “We prepared Leigh Isys to go to school where Tagalog is the medium of instruction. She doesn’t have any difficulties speaking and communicating with any of her peers. Her teachers in Kinder and in Grade 1 even commended her ability to express well her thoughts and feelings verbally.” “As a result, Isys can understand deep Filipino concepts and is aware of our country’s cultural heritage,” continues Leilani. “As parents, Nathan and I believe that Filipino children must first be fluent in speaking and writing in their own mother tongue before learning any foreign language. Eventually, this helps them establish their own identity and promote ‘unconfused’ consciousness,” she adds. Dr. Funtecha summed it up well when he reminded his fellowmen that even though English is the world’s dominant language, Filipinos still need to be able to speak our national language or regional dialects as it can help promote a sense of unity and belonging among Filipinos. “After all, it is the only language that can really, in essence, capture the feelings and sentiments of the people, and can represent [our] true spirit as Filipinos.” FM
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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7 Tips to Hack-Proof
Your Online Accounts
“Who would take an interest in my Facebook or e-mail? I’m neither a CEO nor a celebrity,” you might say. Big mistake. That kind of mindset will all the more leave you open to cyber attacks. Whether you’re a housewife, an employee, or a business person, your online accounts are a goldmine to cybercriminals.
BEWARE OF HACKERS There are five common reasons hackers want your online accounts. They get them in order to: SELL YOUR LOGINS. Usernames and passwords are being sold on the dark web and you don’t even know it. The dark web is basically a “hidden Internet” where gazillions of bad websites exist on an encrypted network—you can’t Google them or find them on your traditional browser. The dark web is used for drug deals, illegal trades, peddling of assassins, child porn, and more evil stuff. On the dark web, login details carry price tags. For example, Uber login details are sold for up to US$2, while PayPal accounts are worth $80, according to identity theft protection app LogDog. Logins for Netflix, Gmail, Twitter, e-Bay, Amazon, and more are being traded on the dark web so bad people can steal others’ money and identity, get free services, or carry out sick crimes.
By Stephanie Mayo
Cyber scammers are just waiting in the wings, ready to strike as soon as you let your guard down. 14
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
STEAL YOUR IDENTITY. “Your data can be used to make financial operations in your name,” according to Cristina Chipurici of The Heimdal Security blog. “Cyber criminals can use your credit card details, open bank accounts in your name, take out loans, ruin your credit card’s rating and many others.” They can also steal your PII (personal identifiable information) from your Facebook—getting information
PARENTS’ CORNER | PROTECTING from your posts, like your date of birth, home address, and your mother’s maiden name for financial theft. DO PHISHING. This involves impersonating a legitimate company in order to steal your data. It lures you to click on a link or an attachment that is asking you to verify your account, reenter your login details, or make a payment. “For example, PayPal scammers might send out an attack email that instructs users to click on a link in order to rectify a discrepancy with their account,” says Tripwire.com. “In actuality, the link leads to a fake PayPal login page that collects a user’s login credentials and delivers them to the attackers.” EXTORT. Hackers slip inside your social media account, cloud storage, or email account; steal your private video or photos; and then demand that you wire money to them—or else they will post your private data in public. Sometimes the victim willingly lets the hacker enter his or her private life. “Essentially, you receive a friend or connection request from someone you don’t know. His or her profile picture is intriguing, though, so you accept the request,” according to Identity Theft Resource Center. “From there, things get a little ‘heated,’ and you and this other individual are eventually enjoying some video face-toface time that you might not want others to see.” Here comes the bad part: “This person has been recording your Skype sessions through the platform’s record function. He or she tells you that unless you pay up, the video will be released on your Facebook account, sent to all your Skype connections, posted to YouTube, even emailed to your co-workers or children.” SPAM YOUR CONTACTS. “A hacker can email your contacts and others as if they were you. The emails could be ordinary spam, or attempts to gain even more personal information,” says IDShield.com. “A hacker can change your password so you can’t access your own account, and can delete your email messages and contacts.” Another reason, according to Tripwire.com, is for “forced follows” of other accounts: “This can involve your account being hacked as part of a wider plan to hack accounts and get them to follow a specific account. This account that you’ve been forced to follow, that may have a fake brand name, will then be used to spread malware.”
STAY SAFE Before it’s too late, learn these seven simple steps to protect yourself: USE A UNIQUE AND STRONG PASSWORD FOR EVERY ACCOUNT. “Use a mix of upper and lower cases, numbers, special characters (if allowed) and make it the maximum
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Sixty-one percent of people admit to reusing the same password across multiple websites, and hackers have caught on.
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length required by the service if possible. Minimum of 10 characters,” advises IT entrepreneur David Ralph Lleno, who owns www.hangad.net. Also, do not use the same password for multiple accounts. “Sixty-one percent of people admit to reusing the same password across multiple websites, and hackers have caught on,” according to CSID.com. “If a hacker accesses one of your perceived lower value accounts, they are more than likely to use those same login credentials on your bank website, or to access your medical insurance.” To strengthen your security, Christopher Rios Blancaflor, a technical engineer, advises: “Use two-way authentication method, like adding recovery email on your existing email or setting up your own security questions.”
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Cyber criminals can use your credit card details, open bank accounts in your name, take out loans, ruin your credit card’s rating and many others.
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DON’T USE PUBLIC WI-FI. Thrilled with the free Wi-Fi at the hotel, coffee shop, or mall? Think again. “One common mistake is connecting to public Internet,” says engineer Alwin Caldito. “It may be free, but your information is also free.” But you may argue that these hotspots make you sign in, even presenting a “terms and conditions” page to click on before you can access the network. It’s still not safe. “That’s almost nothing more than a welcome page,” says whatismyipaddress.com. “It doesn’t mean you’re being approved to join a hacker-proof network.” PC World gives this tip: “When you log into a website, make sure that your connection is encrypted. The URL address should start with https instead of http.” Another technique to keep snooping thieves out is to use a VPN, or virtual private network, a method used to add security and privacy to private and public networks.
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RECOGNIZE PHISHING SCAMS. Never click attachments or links via email that request your login details or personal information. “Check for misspellings such as gogle.com or googel. com as an example,” adds Lleno. “These are no doubt designed to fool you into entering your details by duplicating a trusted site.” Tripwire.com advises: “Enter the URL of the business claiming it needs your information yourself to make sure it’s the right website. Contact the administration before you follow the message. Do not be gullible!” Do you enjoy the pop quizzes and name tests that are popular on Facebook? Then you’re opening yourself up to hackers. “These websites get info from you and who knows kung saan pa nagagamit,” says Cyrelle Marie Baral who blogs at shirerocks.wordpress.com. “For this kind of sites, I always use the option, ‘Don’t allow to post publicly’ so you can still be secured with what you are posting.”
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LOG OUT ALWAYS. Log out of all your accounts after using a public computer. But Lleno gives this tip to better protect yourself: “Avoid opening your emails on a device you do not control. Only check your inbox from
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Check for misspellings such as gogle.com or googel.com that are designed to fool you into entering your details by duplicating a trusted site.
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a computer, a cell phone, a tablet that you can lock yourself.” “I make sure I only use private computers especially when I deal with sensitive accounts such as online banking,” adds marketing manager Adrian Pacific Ong. “If I am forced to use a public computer, I erase all cookies, history, etc. from the computer before I leave it for someone else to use.”
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DON’T POST OR CHAT ABOUT PERSONAL INFORMATION. Never chat with a stranger, no matter how good-looking the profile picture or how persistently friendly the person—especially if he or she is initiating online romance. Normally, these people are extortionists. “I no longer upload anything real time in social media, which could compromise my safety (where I am, who I am with, etc.),” says Ong. “A lot of people do the silly thing of ‘checking in’ to their houses, unknowingly providing a precise pinpoint on where they live.” “I only use one profile picture. As much as possible, I use only a logo and not my picture,” says mommy blogger and freelance writer Berlin A. Domingo of www.momiberlin.com. “In writing, when I need to mention my boys, I use ‘Firstborn,’ ‘Second Son,’ ‘Big Bunso,’ and ‘Little Man’ instead of their names.” Travel and lifestyle blogger Chel Inumerable of www. heyitschel.com shares: “If I need to post a photo of my passport, I don’t show my passport number. Same with my boarding pass, not all the details will be shown in the frame.”
6 7
CLOSE UNUSED ACCOUNTS. Old, unused accounts on the web get hacked, so delete them. “Sometimes they lead the way to the more valuable accounts that you really do care about,” explains Gizmodo.com. DO REGULAR SCANS AND ANTIVIRUS SOFTWARE UPDATES. Scanning may seem like a hassle—but you’ll regret it if a virus takes over your system and ruins your life.
In this digital age when we practically live our lives online, a little paranoia can actually protect you. Again, quit the attitude that you are not interesting enough to be hacked, or you don’t do online shopping or banking. Whoever you are, leaving your online accounts unsecured can lead to big problems later on. So take these simple defensive moves to heart and avoid becoming the next cyber victim. FM 16
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
PARENTS’ CORNER | BONDING
All in a
ay’s D Work By Erlinda Esguerra
Being without house help becomes an unexpected game changer for this family. I was not a domestic diva. When I got married in my late twenties, my husband had to teach me how to fry an egg sunny side up. This was because I grew up in a family that knew very little about housework, not because we were lazy, but because both our parents were employed and other people had to do the housework for us.
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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The yayas were a tremendous help while the girls were growing up and I maintained a career. My mother was not domestically inclined herself, and my father only wanted one thing from his children— study hard and do our best in class. He would scold the help if they woke me up early on weekends, “Huwag gisingin si Linda. Pagod sa pag-aaral ’yan [Don’t wake Linda up. She’s tired from studying],” he would say. And I thoroughly enjoyed the privilege. So our family relied mostly on helpers to do household chores like cook, clean, keep things in order. Given this background as my launching pad for starting my own home, I decided upon getting married to also hire house help who would double as a yaya or baby caregiver since we had a baby soon on the way. I pretty much left the running of the house to the helper and only asked that she take good care of the baby. Soon I had a second daughter and another yaya was added to our family. The yayas were a tremendous help while the girls were growing up and I maintained a career. However, when our daughters were entering their pre-teens (Yayie was 13 and Cristina was 10), we slowly began encountering issues with our house help. Perhaps with everyone either at work or in school, the helpers just had too much time on their hands. One day I unexpectedly came home early to find other neighbors’
18
kasambahay in our master’s bedroom, having a manicure party. Worse, my other helper became a suspect when a neighbor’s stereo was stolen. Gravely disappointed, my husband and I decided we could not live with such risks and burdens at home. And although I did not fire them, when the last helper said her goodbyes, inside me I was saying, “Thank you Lord.”
ON OUR OWN The four of us were suddenly left to fend for ourselves—the mom who was
clueless about housework, the two girls who were used to have yayas do things for them, and the father who loved to cook but left the kitchen looking like a disaster area. “Okay, we’re all on our own now,” I said. “That’s fine, Ma. Thank God no one will read my novelettes without my permission anymore. We’ll help,” said Yayie, who was an aspiring writer and didn’t like the house help going over her school manuscripts. To cope with the challenges of housework, we grouped chores into three major assignments. For the first set of tasks—washing the dishes, setting the table, sweeping the floor—the three of us girls would rotate these assignments among ourselves in round robin style. We had fun asking, “Who’s gonna do the dishes tonight?” Everyone would say, “Not me!” The second assignment—washing the dirty laundry—was gladly accepted by my husband Jim, who also volunteered to do the cooking. The third challenge was decluttering the house. There was always clutter everywhere and whenever we had company, we would scramble around like headless chickens, putting things away so our house would look decent.
Whenever we had company, we would scramble around like headless chickens, putting things away so our house would look decent.
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
PARENTS’ CORNER | BONDING responsible for chores helped to make my two daughters the selfreliant, dependable women that they are. No task should ever be too small or too mundane. Every little thing, when done with love, builds character. Surely, I’m still miles away from being a Martha Stewart, but I thank the Lord that when He allowed us to “do without,” He replaced this with a new set of skills that would yield a far greater harvest than we could ever imagine. “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men.” Colossians 3:23. FM Then one day Yayie came home and told me, “Ma, I have just been to Che’s house. You know why their home is always neat?” “Why?” I asked in curiosity. “Because,” Yayie said (as if she were Madame Curie and had just discovered radioactivity), “every time they finish using a cup or a saucer, they wash it up right away, dry it, and keep it in the cabinet where it belongs.” “Oh, we can do that, too. Eureka,” I said.
GETTING IT TOGETHER
management skills. Our rule was that we should control our house and not let the house control us. We believed we shouldn’t pressure ourselves if we were too tired. Now my husband and I are residing in the United States with my daughter Cristina, who has a family of her own. She has started training her 4-year-old daughter to do simple chores. Yayie, who lives in the Philippines, also does a fine job of balancing motherhood and career. We all try to learn new things and Google best practices in managing our homes and making them the best places for our families to live in. To date we have had no helper for 25 years, and I do believe being
Our rule was that we should control our house and not let the house control us.
From that time on, I started finding a permanent home for everything in the house, like my sewing kit, the Scotch tape, the screwdriver, the mail, carefully labeling each container with its contents. We slowly acquired the discipline of putting things back where they belonged. By doing this, we not only kept the house clean, we also reduced the time and stress involved in looking for lost stuff. Now, if I needed a rubber band, or an important letter, or ointment, I knew where to find it. I wish I could say that everything was perfect after that, but no, home maintenance was—and is—a long hard slog. But with baby steps, we were able to upgrade our home September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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When Less
Is More By Ross Valentin, M.D.
When you eat less meat, you not only do your health a favor, you also do your part in saving the world and minimizing animal cruelty.
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FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
Having meat in our diet is important for our health. Meat provides proteins, the building blocks of most tissues in our body. It maintains, repairs, and restores tissues and organs. It provides important minerals like iron, zinc, selenium, phosphorus, and B vitamins like B12, B6, niacin, riboflavin, and thiamine. However, studies show that eating more meat than what our body needs can result in health and environmental problems. For years now, scientists, doctors, and environmentalists have called for a reduction in global meat consumption and a shift to healthier, lesscalorie dense protein sources and plant-based diets. Campaigns like Meatless Monday or the Philippine version of it, Luntiang Lunes, have also been launched to encourage people to skip eating meat at least one day every week.
PARENTS’ CORNER | EATING
WHY EAT LESS MEAT? In general less meat consumption translates to better health, environmental protection and preservation, and better animal welfare.
FOR BETTER HEALTH Cutting down on meat brings many important benefits: Promotes cardiovascular health. Animal meat—especially red meat like beef, lamb, pork, goat, veal, venison, and duck— and poultry with skin contain high amounts of saturated fats that can cause plaque buildup along the walls of the arteries. Eating less red meat not only lowers LDL (“bad”) cholesterol, it also lowers blood pressure, cuts the risk for heart disease and stroke, decreases the rate of obesity, and helps prevent diabetes, arthritis, and certain cancers.
Prevents diabetes. A daily serving of red meat about the size of a deck of cards can increase the risk of adult-onset diabetes by 19%, and a daily serving of processed meat (one hotdog or two slices of bacon) is associated with a 51% increase. The sodium nitrites in red and processed meats can cause insulin resistance. The study also found that replacing red meat with whole grains, nuts, low-fat dairy, fish, and poultry lowered diabetes risk.
FOR A GREENER PLANET Choosing alternative sources of protein can help minimize the environmental effects of meat production. Ever increasing demand is pushing companies to produce more meat, hurting the environment in the process. Raising livestock requires massive amounts of land, energy, food, and water. Producing meat involves 40% of the earth’s usable land, leading to land degradation, deforestation, and biodiversity loss. Much of the deforestation of the Amazon (regarded as the lungs of the earth) is attributed to animal agriculture. Meat production also involves the use of more than 30% of grains grown in the world for cattle feed, and accounts for 8% of human water use. It is also responsible for 51% of the world’s greenhouse gas emissions.
Prevents cancer. The less red and processed meat you eat, the less your risk for developing cancer, especially colorectal cancer. Processed meats refer to meats that have been preserved by smoking, curing, salting, or adding preservatives. Examples are hotdog, sausage, bacon, ham, salami, bologna, pâté, tocino, chicken nuggets, frankfurter, and luncheon or deli meats.
The less red and processed meat you eat, the less your risk for developing cancer, especially colorectal cancer.
FOR BETTER ANIMAL WELFARE Every year millions of animals are killed to produce meat. Raising and slaughtering them causes animal suffering. Opting for a no-meat or less-meat diet can help end or alleviate animal cruelty and protect endangered animals hunted down for their flesh. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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HOW TO CUT DOWN
PROTEINS FOR CHILDREN
Our body needs a certain amount of protein to function well and meat is a good source of this nutrient. The kind and amount of protein is very important. According to the Philippine Food and Nutrition Research Institute (PFNRI), the protein requirement per day for Filipinos is as follows:
Our children need protein for proper growth and development. Unprocessed meat, poultry, pulses, eggs, and nuts can provide the necessary proteins and iron that are important during childhood. Fish (oily fish in particular) such as tuna, sardines, and salmon are also a good source of protein since they contain essential fatty acids that support brain and bone development. Deficiency in oily fish can lead to dyslexia and other learning difficulties. Recommended intake: Children should eat meat or chicken three to four times a week and two or more portions of fish each week, one of which should be an oily variety. Protein foods like cheese and eggs can be served during breakfast.
In general, it would be healthy to lower meat consumption to the recommended levels of protein per day to maintain health. Taking more or taking less than the recommended amounts may not exactly be beneficial to your family’s health.
Producing meat involves 40% of the earth’s usable land, leading to land degradation, deforestation, and biodiversity loss.
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FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
Children should have three portions of milk or dairy products every day. Dairy foods also provide protein. They are the best sources of calcium, vitamins, and minerals for growing teeth and bones. It is important to choose full-fat milk and yogurt because children need “good fat” for energy. Recommended daily intake: Children should have three portions of milk or dairy products every day. This could be a glass of milk, a pot of yogurt, or a matchbox size of cheese. The PFNRI provides this guide for the proper nutrition of children:
PARENTS’ CORNER | EATING
WAYS TO CUT BACK 1. Educate yourself. Read up on what foods are good for your family. Knowledge strengthens commitment. Being well informed makes it easier to stick to healthier options and adopt healthy eating habits. 2. Avoid processed meat. It is the worst kind of meat to have on your diet. Do your family a big favor—don’t buy or choose processed meats on your next food purchase or when you eat out. When you don’t buy them, you won’t have them on your table and you can’t eat them. When dining out, shy away from burgers and hotdogs. 3. Choose lean. Unprocessed red meat can still be part of a healthy diet in the right quality and quantity. The leanest beef cuts include round steaks, top loin, top sirloin, and chuck shoulder and arm roasts. The leanest pork choices include pork loin, tenderloin, center loin, and ham. Meanwhile, to be considered lean ground beef, the product has to be at least 92% lean and 8% fat. Boneless skinless chicken breasts and turkey cutlets are the leanest poultry choices. And choose lean turkey, roast beef, and ham, or low-fat luncheon meats for sandwiches instead of luncheon/deli meats like regular bologna or salami. 4. Have meat holidays. Eat one meatless meal at a time and you can reap lifelong benefits. Do it gradually so your body can adapt to the change. Check the Meatless Monday or the Luntiang Lunes site to help you in your transition. 5. Serve a variety of plant-based foods at mealtime. With more fruits, vegetables, and fiber-rich foods on your table, chances are you will find your family eating more of them and choosing them over meats. 6. Plan what you will eat. Following a meal plan based on what is healthy for your family will make it easier to cut down on meat. You can start by writing down what and how much meat you want to eat for the next meal and replace that with either a healthier protein source or a plant-based food. 7. Try other healthy protein sources. Healthy protein sources are all around you. Sometimes all you have to do is to try them out. You can opt for beans, peas, or soy products as a main dish or part of a meal often. Choose also unsalted nuts as a snack, in salads, or in main dishes. Other healthy protein sources include low-fat dairy products, yogurt, whole grains, legumes, mushrooms, cauliflower, potatoes, beets, jackfruit, lean beef, white meat poultry, pork tenderloin, eggs, cheese, and seafood. 8. Eat more seafood. Choose seafood at least twice a week as the main protein food. There are many selections available. Make sure to eat those rich in omega-3 fatty acids, such as salmon, trout, and herring. 9. Get creative when cooking for kids. Don’t confine yourself to one dish. Serve a wide variety of protein-rich foods that are colorful and tasty. 10. Have healthy proteins for breakfast. Eating proteins like eggs, milk, cheese, soy, or whole grains during breakfast will make you eat less during the day. FM
With more fruits, vegetables, and ¿ EHU ULFK IRRGV RQ your table, your family will eat more RI WKHP DQG FKRRVH them over meats.
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FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
Special Section MEDIA CLASSIFICATIONS
Parents must make sure they manage not only what their children are watching, but also what they are playing. BY FR. FIDEL ORENDAIN, SDB Social Communication Office Salesians of Don Bosco - Philippine South Province (FIS)
A
few months ago, a good friend narrated proudly how her son had started showing a more mature sense of responsibility. On his 11th birthday, he asked to be driven to the mall to buy a video game on his own using his hard-earned allowance. It had taken him a few months and Ƥ Ǥ picked a popular game he had been playing with his peers in their homes. Owning a video game software that he could play where and when he wanted was something he had been looking forward to. “That’s a good thing, right?” his mother asked me. The young mom then told me what his son had bought—Ghost Recon Wildlands. My heart sank. For years now the Salesian ƥ ȋ Ȍ the monitoring of controversial video games with excessively
violent or sexual content. This game was on our list. ȋ Ȍǡ American self-regulatory organization that assigns age and content ratings, gave the video game an age rating of M+. The Mature 17+ rating is mostly for intense violence, sex, and use of drugs. This particular video game’s plot revolves around the world of drugs. The words “f**k” and “sh*t” are used in many dialogues like a regular punctuation mark. There are two parts to the ESRB markings for the videos they rate: A Rating Symbol on the front of the box suggests ǡ Description on the back provides information on questionable content. Like the warning signs we now see on cigarette packets, these ESRB markings try to ensure that games are sold to age-appropriate audiences. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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STRENGTHENING THE MTRCB Š”‡‡ ›‡ƒ”• ÂƒÂ‰Â‘ÇĄ ƒ „‹ŽŽ ™ƒ• Ƥ Ž‡† ‹Â? –Š‡ Š‹Ž‹’’‹Â?‡ ‘Â?‰”‡•• proposing to extend the powers of the Movie and Television ‡˜‹‡™ ƒÂ?† ÂŽÂƒÂ•Â•Â‹Ć¤ …ƒ–‹‘Â? ‘ƒ”† Č‹ ČŒ –‘ ”ƒ–‡ ƒÂ?† …Žƒ••‹ˆ› ˜‹†‡‘ ‰ƒÂ?‡• ‹Â? –‡”Â?• ‘ˆ –Š‡ ƒ‰‡ ‘ˆ –Š‡‹” ƒ—†‹‡Â?…‡Ǥ —” has been lagging behind other media regulators abroad, which have already included video games in their monitoring list as early as the 1990s. While the bill remains pending, many Filipino kids continue to buy and play games that should have no place in their childhood. ‹––Ž‡ ƒ„‡ „‘—‰Š– Š‹• ‰ƒÂ?‡ ƒ– ͔͛Ψ Ž‡•• –ŠƒÂ? ‹–• ‘”‹‰‹Â?ƒŽ American price from a store at a popular mall. Some questions immediately come up: Are the goods able to carry reduced prices because they skirt some government import policies? Why are there no regulatory markings? More importantly, what body or organization makes sure these questions are answered so that our children are protected? When designated organizations fail, we need to be able to ”‡Ž› ‘Â? –Š‡ Ƥ ”•– ƒÂ?† —Ž–‹Â?ƒ–‡Ž› ’”‹Â?ƒ”› †‡ˆ‡Â?•‡ ‘ˆ Â?‹†•Ȅ–Š‡‹” parents.
Parents must strive to have some level of “video game literacy� so they can model appropriate choices for their children and protect them from the ill effects of online games. 26
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
Our MTRCB has been lagging behind other media regulators abroad, which have already included video games in their monitoring list as early as the 1990s .
Video games have become a routine part of childhood. But parents and other adults need to remember that even things that are now considered normal are not necessarily safe or healthy. To minimize potential harm, parents must strive to have some level of “video game literacyâ€? so they can model appropriate choices for their children and protect them from –Š‡ ’‘••‹„Ž‡ ‹ŽŽ ‡ƥ ‡…–• ‘ˆ –Š‡•‡ ‘Â?Ž‹Â?‡ ‰ƒÂ?‡•Ǥ As a boy in the ’70s, playing for me wasn’t just about toys or gadgets with batteries. We still had good old-fashioned backyard recreation. But I must admit that when Atari ‹Â?–”‘†—…‡† ‹–• Ƥ ”•– ˜‹†‡‘ ’‹Â?‰nj’‘Â?‰ ‰ƒÂ?‡ǥ ™ƒ• Š‘‘Â?‡†Ǥ › the time the company came out with more sophisticated games like Starship, Spacewar!, and Star Raiders, my parents had sent me to the minor seminary.
’Žƒ›‡† Â?› Ƥ ”•– ˜‹‘Ž‡Â?– ˜‹†‡‘ ‰ƒÂ?‡ǥ Death Race, during one clan reunion. The game required players to run over gremlins with a vehicle and avoid the gravestones they leave behind. Even as the graphics then were pretty simple, the ‰ƒÂ?‡ǯ• ‘˜‡”ƒŽŽ –Š‡Â?‡ ƒÂ?† •‘—Â?† ‡ƥ ‡…–• ™‡”‡ …‘Â?•‹†‡”‡† disturbing by our parents. So my cousins and I played with the doors closed. In the early ’80s, teens talked in whispers about Custer’s Revenge. It featured Western gun battles between Indians and cowboys, but with a crude simulation of the rape of an Indian woman. Even though packaged as an adult video game, it found its way into the hands and TV sets of minors.
DIFFERENTIATING GAMES There was a time parents could ask their kid, “So, what did you play?â€? and have a clear picture of what their fun time was all about. Nowadays, parents tend to lump video games together, as though they all had the same harmless content. But times have changed. ‘†ƒ› –Š‡”‡ ƒ”‡ †‹ƥ ‡”‡Â?– …ƒ–‡‰‘”‹‡• ‘ˆ ˜‹†‡‘ ‰ƒÂ?‡•Ǥ Action games tend to have a large amount of violence due to their fast-paced nature. Adventure and role-playing games typically have elements of fantasy but also include violence. They tend to be the most appealing.
When designated organizations fail, we need to be able to rely on the first and ultimately primary defense of kids—their parents.
ESRB Rating Symbols The Entertainment Software Rating Board (ESRB), an American self-regulatory ratings organization, provides the following agebased ratings to categorize the content of online games.
EARLY CHILDHOOD. Titles rated EC (Early Childhood) have content that may be suitable for ages 3 and older. They contain no material that parents would find inappropriate. EVERYONE. Titles rated E (Everyone) have content that may be suitable for ages 6 and older. Titles in this category may contain minimal cartoon, fantasy or mild violence and/or infrequent use of mild language. EVERYONE 10+. Titles rated E10+ (Everyone 10 and older) have content that may be suitable for ages 10 and older. Titles in this category may contain more cartoon, fantasy or mild violence, mild language and/or minimal suggestive themes.
The simple arcade games are a mixed lot and can cover the entire spectrum of ratings. Strategy games appear safer since they simply involve the tactical movement of troops in warfare. More for the thinking kids and adults are the puzzle games that require quick analysis and the simulation games that involve operating machinery such as aircraft and tanks. Then there are the driving games, which are often about racing but sometimes also involve running over enemies and using artillery. Task and obstacle games challenge players to get to a place or move things to a place while overcoming hurdles and avoiding dangers. Ratings and guidelines are a good thing. But parents still need to know which games their children are buying, who their children are playing with, and how much time they spend playing. ǡ ǡ ǯ Ƥ Ǥ older boys somehow understood, but also confessed that they had bought games on their own when they were the ǯ Ǥ ǡ because they never told her. They were surprised that this time she knew. When their mother asked them if this game was appropriate for their youngest brother, the answer was another surprise—they gave it a thumbs-down. The boys ǡ ơ Ǥ thing. FM
TEEN. Titles rated T (Teen) have content that may be suitable for ages 13 and older. Titles in this category may contain violence, suggestive themes, crude humor, minimal blood, simulated gambling, and/or infrequent use of strong language. MATURE. Titles rated M (Mature) have content that may be suitable for persons ages 17 and older. Titles in this category may contain intense violence, blood and gore, sexual content and/or strong language.
ADULTS ONLY. Titles rated AO (Adults Only) have content that should only be played by persons 18 years and older. Titles in this category may include prolonged scenes of intense violence and/or graphic sexual content and nudity.
RATING PENDING. Titles listed as RP (Rating Pending) have been submitted to the ESRB and are awaiting final rating.
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Special Section MEDIA CLASSIFICATIONS
Creating a Tech-Savvy
HOME
BY MICHELE S. ALIGNAY, MA, RP, RGC
Family connections must be strengthened even as the home must necessarily keep up with transformative technological innovations. 28
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
G
adgets come with an instruction manual, but children do not. In most homes at present are two sets of ǣ ȋ Ȍ Ƥ ǡ ȋ Ȍ phones and dial-up Internet. With nonstop communication technology breakthroughs, the usual tendency is to keep up with these changes and aspire to be technology- and social media-savvy. But it’s just as important to keep in mind the need for balance—to be neither digitally absent nor excessively wired.
ASSESSING OUR HOMES Ƥ ǡ be good to ask ourselves some questions. As we upgrade to the latest gadget or Internet connection, how much do we upgrade our interpersonal connections in our homes? And as we update our social media posts, how much do we update our family of the latest happenings in our lives? Do we recognize or admit that we have communication issues, seeing how our kids seem to prefer the social media sphere to their real home? Do our families uphold rules or guidelines for each person on setting appropriate time for his or her online and ƫ ǫ A common scene we see on Sundays is the family lunch, with parents and children sitting together at a table in their favorite restaurant. But if you expect to see a lot of animated interactions during this “family bonding time,” you might be disappointed. For we increasingly notice that though the members may be physically together, they are miles away mentally as opposed to experiencing togetherness in the real world. ǡ Ƥ Ǥ Ǥ Of course, it is important in this digital age for our family to be technology adept and aware, not only to survive, but more so to thrive in a fast-changing world where digitization, ǡ ǡ Ƥ a rapidly growing part of the landscape.
Though the members may be physically together, they are miles away mentally as opposed to experiencing togetherness in the real world.
It’s just as important to keep in mind the need for balance—to be neither digitally absent nor excessively wired. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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KEEPING IT REAL How then can we make our families invested in technology while still managing to sustain strong personal relationships?
1
Make relationships a priority. More than the Internet or any other connection, it is family connection that makes a real ơ ǯ Ǥ ǡ “The strongest connections are made in the home!” To manage a technology-savvy home, establish clear guidelines and limits for your children. Make sure that each family member knows his or her online and ơ ǡ ƫ Ǥ ǡ choose to apply consequences.
2
Connect for real. Share your stories with the family during family meals. Be mushy and clingy. Because social media gives us a sense of anonymity, we use it as a venue to share what we cannot in person. ǡ Ǥ your face-to-face chats are life-giving and enjoyable. Be the role model in ƪ Ǥ
3
Know what is age-appropriate for developing mindsǤ ơ Ǥ their age, health, and well-being in terms of what they can access online. While the young may frown on such limitations, we still need to regulate their exposure to social media and online content for their proper development.
4
Find time to unplug and play. between digital play and real-life play. Actual play, with family or friends or by oneself, is a critical psychological need for both kids Ǥ ƫ ǡ ǡ pursuits, it greatly enhances one’s socio-emotional, physical, and mental well-being. We become more active and creative, even rested, in the process of being unplugged.
Choose to have the right balance between digital play and real-life play.
5
Be “critical media literates.” ƪ ơ Ǥ totally shield digital natives from what social media and the wired world ơ ǡ ǡ ǡ and logical thinking. Make online and social media images and content part of your teaching moments, discussing how the family feels about ǡ ǡ ǡ ƪ Ǥ In the wired age, we parents should continue to place prime ǡ ƪ ƫ Ǥ ǡ ǡ home. Our connection to Him should be stronger than anything else. As ǡ ǡ will know Him through us. We are called to engage with them and to enter their world, to take part in their journey and to guide them so they ǯ Ǥ ǡ Dz their children in the digital age!” FM
Michele S. Alignay, MA, RP, RGC, is a registered psychologist, a registered guidance counselor, and a family life specialist. She is the author of Family Goals: Embracing the Imperfections of Family Life (Kerygma Books, 2016), and co-author of Growing Up Wired: Raising Pinoy Kids in the Digital Age (Anvil, 2013). Visit her website at www. michelealignay.com.
Special Section MEDIA CLASSIFICATIONS
The
Rating
Game Many parents admit to taking the MTRCB ratings lightly. Here’s why you should start ORRNLQJ LQWR LWV FODVVL¿ FDWLRQV PRUH FORVHO\
T
Ƥ ȋ Ȍ Ƥ Ƥ Ǥ Ƥ appropriateness of the material so they can decide what to allow the younger ones to view. Undoubtedly, children and teens are the most vulnerable group Ǥ ƪ ơ Ǥ ǡ images can cause unexplainable fears, and early exposure to sex may lead to problematic sexual behavior. For children, everything that passes through their senses is absorbed and taken as it is. Teens are still working on their emotions, morals, and values. They can easily “download” just about anything, and whatever it is can become their reality, no matter how distorted or wrong. While theaters can strictly implement the rules simply by barring ǡ ƥ ǡ especially when children are left with the television set by themselves or in the care of a yaya. ǡ Ƥ classifying media content.
BY ANNABELLIE GRUENBERG
Constant exposure to violence can trigger aggression, horrifying images can cause unexplainable fears, and early exposure to sex may lead to problematic sexual behavior. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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WHAT THE RATINGS MEAN It is best to have an agreement with all family members that weekdays are plug-off days, when there is no access to television and video games.
GENERAL AUDIENCEǤ Dz dz Ƥ Ƥ Ǥ Ǧ ǡ threat, abuse, horror, or other themes that may cause fear or disturbance in a young child. It promotes positive values. Ƥ ǡ there are no swear words or gestures or sexually suggestive language or gestures. Occasional and natural nudity may be shown but with no sexual or demeaning context to it. No sexual activity or scenes are allowed. Violent and frightening scenes are mild, brief, infrequent, and unlikely to cause anxiety or Ǥ Ǥ
PARENTAL GUIDANCE Dz dz Ƥ Ƥ ǡ language, violence, nudity, sex, and horror scenes, whose treatment is suitable for children below 13 years of age. Ƥ ǡ ǡ ǡ ơ Ǥ redeeming social values. It may have mild and infrequent swear words and menacing language, but disallows the frequent and successive use of swear words or sexually derived expletives. Sexually suggestive language may be allowed if it is neither frequent nor ǡ Ƥ heard. Occasional and natural nudity may be permitted if there is no sexual or demeaning context to it. Sexual activity may be depicted, but it must be discreet, infrequent, and not prolonged and never graphic. ơ ǡ and never gratuitous. Horror and frightening scenes are permitted as long as brief and infrequent. There should be no depiction of or reference to prohibited ǡ Ǥ RESTRICTED 13. Dz Ǧ͕͗dz Ƥ Ƥ or program may contain mature themes, language, violence, nudity, sex, horror, and depictions of drugs, whose treatment may not be suitable for children below 13 years of age. The Ǧ͕͗ Ƥ ǡ ǡ ǡ ơ attitude. Moreover, it has to exhibit redeeming social values. As for swear words and menacing language, they must be moderate and consistent with the context of the scene. The use of swear words or sexually derived or suggestive expletives is allowed if infrequent and not vulgar. Use of ơ ǡ ǡ ǡ sexually oriented or suggestive language and other references to sex is such that it is suitable only for viewers who are already at least 13. Occasional, natural, and sexually oriented nudity shown should be brief ǡ Ƥ ǡ ǡ ǡ and should take into account the contemporary values and understanding of a Filipino viewer who is at least 13. Similarly, sexual activity, violence, horror, frightening scenes, occasional gore, and depictions of drugs or their use may only be allowed under similar conditions. Furthermore, the movie or program
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should not promote, condone, justify, or encourage drug use, the board stresses. STRONG PARENTAL GUIDANCE FOR YOUNG VIEWERS. Dz dz Ƥ to exercise greater parental responsibility over their ǯ Ǥ Ƥ contain more serious topics and themes which may not be advisable for children to watch except “under the very vigilant guidance and presence of a parent or an adult,” says the board. ǡ Dz ǡdz Ǥ Ƥ shows, “the Board shall consider the purpose, genre, and time slot of the program as well as the treatment and depiction of attendant factors such as, but not limited to: Theme, Violence, Drugs, Language, Sex and Horror.” RESTRICTED 16. There are no restrictions on themes Ƥ Dz Ǧ͕͚ǡdz ͕͚ Ǥ Ƥ ǡ Ƥ ǡ ǡ development, and takes into account the contemporary ͕͚Ǥ If shown, natural and sexually oriented nudity as well as sexual activity Ƥ ǡ Ǥ criteria are upheld in order for depictions of violence, gore, horror, or frightening scenes to be allowed onscreen. As for drugs, the non-gratuitous Ƥ ͕͚ Ǥ Dz not in any case promote, condone, and encourage drug use,” reiterates the government agency.
RESTRICTED 18. Dz Ǧ͕͜dz Ƥ Ƥ ǡ ǡ ǡ ǡ sex, horror scenes, and depictions of drugs that may not be suitable for children below 18 years of age. In an R-18 movie or program, there are no restrictions on themes and their treatment. The agency emphasizes that an R-18 rating does Ƥ Dz ǡdz Dz ơ ǡdz Dz ǡdz Ƥ Ǥ Ƥ language, contain sexually oriented nudity, show realistic sexual activity, and depict horror, frightening scenes, and gore. The depiction of drugs or their use may also be allowed. But in all these depictions, the board underscores the need for Ƥ ͕͜Ǧ Ǧ Ǥ ǡ Ƥ Dz ǡ ǡ ǡ ǡ Ƥ Ȁ Ǥdz
USING THE GUIDE RIGHT Ƥ downloaded online and used for discussion among all household members. As parents, strive to understand the details of each rating and to explain them thoroughly to older children, household help, and caregivers. Since television viewing is more challenging to control, it is best to have a centralized viewing area by having a TV room. Having television sets all over the house is not ideal. Together with the whole family, make a list of programs that can be viewed, or not viewed, by the young. It is best to have an agreement with all family members that weekdays are Dz Ǧ ơdz ǡ to television shows and video games. For the younger children, it is advisable to put a time limit to their monitored viewing. This is also meant to teach them discipline and to help them set priorities. Additionally, take the time to research on the movie or TV show or series to be viewed. Read reviews and ask the opinion of those you hold in high Ƥ you plan to see with your family. Have open discussions with your children about the movie before and after the viewing.
ǡ Ƥ is just a guideline. Your family values, sound judgment, and moral beliefs are the best basis for what you allow your children and teens to view. And this set of principles and morals should already be in the place for you to be able to make wise decisions. FM
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Honor Thy
Lolo and Lola By Gabriel Joshua M. Floresca
Let us shower love, affection, and care on our grandparents while we are still blessed with their presence. 34
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YOUTH TALK | RESPECTING
“
Considerate youngsters mostly come from families where parents treat each other, their children, and their own parents with respect.
”
I am glad my grandmothers, who are both retired schoolteachers, are still here to guide my siblings and me as well as our parents. Although we don’t get to see them as often as we’d like, we frequently communicate with our lolas through phone and online messaging as a way to maintain close family ties. And since we are celebrating Grandparents’ Day in September and Elderly Filipino Week this October, I asked both my grandmas to share their opinions and views on why the youth should respect and honor older people.
THEN AND NOW According to my lolas, a lot of things have changed since their time. Mama Ester Floresca, Dad’s 85-year-old mom, recalls how the Filipino youth of previous generations were taught from a tender age to give utmost respect to their elders, whether relatives or not. “Fathers and mothers, with the strong influence of the Church, enforced rules strictly so children grew up to be very respectful and obedient to their parents’ teachings,” Mama Ester says. “Also, schools decades ago were allowed to mete out corporal punishment as a disciplinary tool. While we could say that the youth before were forced to obey for fear of punishment, parents served as the ultimate authority when it came to developing their children’s character.” Mama Ester makes it clear though that we should not presume that young people today are less respectful than the youth of yesteryear. “There are teachings our ancestors have passed on through generations, and showing respect for the elderly long ago is actually similar to what our youth today are doing,” she explains. “The only difference lies in the manner of showing respect brought about by changes over time. For instance, instead of kissing a grandparent’s hand or holding it up to one’s forehead, many young people nowadays prefer to hug and kiss their lolos and lolas on the cheek or forehead.”
The writer’s Mama Lita
(L) and Mama Ester
My maternal grandmother, Mama Lita Manimtim, who’s now 76 years old, reminisces how they used po and opo when talking to elders and obeyed instructions without protest. “Today, many young people talk to their elders as though they are equals. At times, children even ignore what their elders tell or teach them,” she shares. “Of course, there are exceptions. Children who are being raised properly by their parents know how to give respect to older family members and people outside the home.”
GOOD INFLUENCES A lot of factors contribute to how the youth treat their elders. In my case, my parents and grandmothers constantly remind me to respect everyone around me, as doing so would have a positive effect on every aspect of my life. “Actions are better than words,” emphasizes Mama Lita. “Considerate youngsters mostly come from families where parents treat each other, their children, and their own parents with respect. Regularly praying as a family and going to church also has positive effects on children’s attitudes.” Here, they enumerate some of the factors that can help foster a culture of respect toward the elderly: Education. The school plays a major role in teaching respect and obedience. Today, students are fortunate to be provided with books on ethics and required to take subjects on Good Manners and Right Conduct. Religious teachings. Then and now, the Church continues to be a strong influence in teaching young people to revere the elderly. Technology. Thanks to information technology, Filipino parents today can access information online about better parenting. Decades ago, mothers and fathers had none of these opportunities so their form of discipline could sometimes be too strict or harsh. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Moms and dads who schedule quality time to bond with their brood are raising self-assured adults who interact with others in a respectful manner.
LINGGO NG KATANDAANG FILIPINO Presidential Proclamation No. 470, series of 1994, declares the first week of October of every year as Linggo ng Katandaang Filipino (Elderly Filipino Week). The proclamation aims to recognize the vital role of the elderly in society and their contribution to nation-building. It also highlights awareness of elderly abuse and promotes and advocates its prevention.
Many times, elderly people experience loneliness and boredom, so make time for regular visits or calls. Parental supervision. The physical presence of parents has an effect on children’s behavior, morality, and spirituality. Despite their busy schedules, moms and dads who schedule quality time to bond with their brood are ensuring that their kids grow up to be selfassured adults who interact with others in a respectful manner.
ACTIONS SPEAK There are many ways to show reverence for the elderly. Here are some of them: Offer assistance. Senior citizens can develop various disabilities that come with age, such as limited mobility and poor eyesight or hearing. Others acquire conditions like Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s disease that require 24/7 care. One good way to express love and concern for the aged is to share in the family’s responsibility of caring for them and alleviating their suffering. Be sensitive to their needs. Many times, elderly people experience loneliness and boredom, so make time for regular visits or calls. Be there to listen, give comfort, and share personal experiences. Have patience. With advancing age, some elderly people tend to throw childish tantrums or express negative feelings out of frustration. Be considerate and do not take offense; it is nothing personal. 36
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Spring a surprise. Give gifts on ordinary occasions, not just on your grandparents’ birthday. Even little things like playing a musical instrument and singing to them mean a lot and are deeply appreciated.
BUILDING CHARACTER When youngsters do these good deeds, not only the elderly benefit, but they themselves too, as they start to acquire seeds of wisdom and character that may not yet be discernible at the moment. “There are multiple benefits to being respectful. You will learn to be more understanding, caring, helpful, and loving. By knowing how to empathize, you will quickly realize that you would also walk in our shoes someday,” says Mama Ester. She relates two quotes from the Bible as a reminder to the young, “Do unto others what you would want others to do unto you” because “what you sow is what you will reap.” “The youth who are respectful, especially towards their elders, are more liked and accepted by people,” stresses Mama Lita. “They are capable of dealing with anyone without fear of being discriminated or rejected. In addition, young people who are taught at home to respect others have better chances of finding an equally respectful spouse in the future.” FM
YOUTH TALK | RELATING
Grace under
Pressure By Gabriel Joshua M. Floresca
All of us have experienced peer pressure at one time or another, but how should we handle it without antagonizing others?
Peer pressure is one of the biggest things that can shape the decisions and actions of the youth, and sometimes even alter the course of their future. The term “peer pressure” pertains to the direct influence that other people exert on their companions, making the recipient of the pressure conform to others’ expectations or give in to their demands, so that “one’s behavior changes due to these,” according to Erick Vernon Y. Dy, Ph.D., a registered guidance counselor and psychologist. Dy is with the Counseling and Testing Division of the Office of Student Affairs in the University of the Philippines Los Baños.
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Friendships can sometimes lead to dependence, when one is forced to follow what everyone else is doing so that he or she won’t feel out of place. Those buddies we often hang out with in and out of school are often the ones who exert peer pressure on us. This happens because when we establish friendships, it can sometimes lead to dependence on each other, such that one may be forced to follow what everyone else is doing so that he or she won’t feel out of place.
GOOD AND BAD However, not all kinds of peer pressure are actually undesirable or destructive, clarifies Dy. “There is positive pressure where the outcomes are for one’s good, such as peers telling you to do volunteer work or to study for an exam,” he says. Naturally, this is the kind of positive outcome parents would want to see in their kids! On the flip side, says Dy, “there is negative peer pressure where friends may pressure another to engage in behaviors that may not have good consequences like partying the night before an exam or cutting classes to watch a movie or to play computer games.” One example of bad peer pressure is what happened to one of my friends, who started smoking because all of his colleagues at work were smokers. Like many call center agents, he would go outside the office to take a puff during break times, supposedly to relieve stress. 38
When his parents started lecturing him about the dangers of smoking, he compromised by switching to vape, which he claimed was less harmful. Unfortunately, some studies show that vaping is not really a better alternative to smoking, just a more expensive one.
EXERCISING DIPLOMACY Dy emphasizes the importance of resisting peer pressure to do something that could have unfavorable consequences. Here are his tips: Avoid hanging out with “bad” peers. Though encounters with toxic people can’t be completely ruled out, we can always choose to associate with positive friends more often.
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
Have clear values and life goals. Follow the teachings of your parents and other adults you trust and, most of all, the teachings of the Gospel. Live those positive values every day and maintain constant communication and quality bonding moments with your family. Having solid principles can help greatly in resisting negative peer pressure. Learn assertive refusal. Teach yourself how to stand up for your rights in firm but positive ways. This means stating your position simply but firmly then giving an honest reason why you’re taking that stand. Suggest alternatives to your peers’ proposed behavior, and always back up your words with consistent actions to show you mean what you say. Have a support system of trusted peers and adults. The support of a network of friends and family members you can run to for advice, encouragement, and guidance can never be underestimated.
If discussions start to get heated, retreat from the situation and if necessary, make a report to someone in authority.
There is positive “pressure where the outcomes are for one’s good, such as peers telling you to do volunteer work or to study for an exam.
”
Refusing with DIPLOMACY According to the website run by the Department of Education and Early Childhood Development of Canada (www.ed.gov. nl.ca), there are ways to say no to peer pressure that will help you get out of the situation. “The trick is to practise these when you’re alone, or with your parents or someone you trust. Then, when you need to use one of these, you will be more comfortable doing so,” the agency says. 1. Just say no. In some situations, just saying no without a lot of arguing and explaining is the best response. Just make sure your “no” is a strong and determined one. 2. Give a reason why it’s a bad idea. Say no, and explain why you feel this way. Maybe you can’t go to the party because it’s not worth the chance of being grounded. Maybe you don’t want to drink because you know someone who is an alcoholic and you can see how drinking has messed up his/her life.
PREEMPTING CONFLICTS Despite recognizing that certain peers are a “bad influence,” some young people still find it hard to distance themselves from them for fear of being bullied or ostracized. Dy assures, however, that it is possible to avoid making enemies when resisting pressure from pals or classmates: Ignore them, or just smile and be friendly enough, making sure not to allow yourself to be goaded into a confrontation. If discussions start to get heated, retreat from the situation and if necessary, make a report to someone in authority in your campus or to the local police. Tell trusted adults, like your parents, teachers, or school guidance counselor, about the situation and ask for advice on what to do. Remember that the choices you make today will have an impact on who you will be in the future. So choose your friends wisely. As Dy emphasizes, PEERS should be People who will Elevate and Enrich your Real Self. That’s something worth memorizing! FM
3. Make a joke. Humor is a great way to change the topic and the mood. It can take the attention away from you. 4. Make an excuse why you can’t. Maybe you have something else to do, you have to be somewhere at a specific time, or your mom will kill you. It doesn’t matter what excuse you use, just stick to it. 5. Suggest a different activity. By thinking of something better to do, you’re offering everyone an “out.” You just might be surprised who might take you up on it. 6. Ignore the suggestion. Pretend you didn’t hear it, and change the topic to something else. Act like you don’t think the idea was even worth discussing. 7. Repeat yourself if necessary. Sometimes you’ll be asked over and over again. Stick to your decision, don’t be talked into doing something you don’t want to. 8. Leave the situation. If you think the others are going to do something you don’t want to be involved in, just leave. You can make up an excuse, or you can say nothing at all. If you lead the way, others may follow. 9. Thanks, but no thanks. You can be polite, but you still aren’t interested. You can say, “It’s something I’m just not into.” 10. Use the power of numbers. Talk to your closest friends about how you feel. Then you can support each other. Agree up front that you will stick together.
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Ways to Show You Care By Annabellie Gruenberg Why do we celebrate Teachers’ Day? For the same reason we celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day—to honor the people who hold our hand and guide us as we traverse this earth. In olden times, teachers were followed and revered by many (remember that Jesus Christ was also a teacher). In modern times, successful personalities would often mention being inspired by a teacher or mentor. Since teachers take on the responsibility of being everyone’s second parents, it is but fitting to set aside a special day for them. In 1994, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organisation (UNESCO) proclaimed every fifth of October as World Teachers’ Day. The intention of the pronouncement was to set guidelines for teachers, uplift the quality of education, and uphold international standards for the rights and responsibilities of educators. It also sought to give assistance to them by advocating further training, security of employment, and better work conditions. As UNESCO describes it, this day is dedicated to helping assess and uplift the status of teachers and improve the education system. Forums and seminars are also held to look into pressing issues that affect teachers and how these concerns may be resolved. UNESCO’s premise that “teachers are a normative indicator of social health” indicates that the educator 40
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
5 is October WORLD
- ÎÐ }] Day!
How do you intend to brighten this day for Ma’am and Sir?
YOUTH TALK | CELEBRATING
GIVING THANKS There are so many things we can do on October 5 to give our teachers a much-needed break and make them feel special. Here are just some of them: 1
Give teachers the day off and assign the upper grades the duty of teachers of the day in all levels. 2 A homemade gift or a handmade card with a message from the heart is always appreciated. 3 Write a poem, prayer, song, or article of appreciation for your teacher. 4 Let the class fill a small notebook with brief answers to the question, “Why do you appreciate your teacher?â€? and give the notebook to him or her. 5 Make a video that shows why or how much you appreciate your teachers. 6 Have the school choir or glee club hold a concert and serenade your teachers with their favorite songs. 7 Let the class or student body host a thank-you breakfast or lunch on Teachers’ Day. 8 Surprise a teacher with a gift certificate from his or her favorite coffee shop or cafĂŠ. 9 Plan a “Pamper Dayâ€? and treat your teachers to professional massage, foot spa, or reflexology sessions in a nice area of the school. 10 Have a newsletter dedicated solely to Teachers’ Day. 11 Create a Teacher Appreciation Box where students put in notes for one week, then distribute their messages to the teachers on Teachers’ Day. 12 Plant trees or flowering plants in honor of teachers and consider inviting the alumni to join. 13 Present certificates of appreciation complete with flowers to all the teachers. 14 Ask your teacher what his or her favorite book is and buy a copy as a gift. 15 Put flowers, healthy snacks, fruits, real coffees (not the usual 3-in-1), natural juices, and teas in the teachers’ lounge or faculty room on Teachers’ Day. 16 As a class, gift your teacher with a basket of his or her favorite things. 17 With your guidance office, organize a one-day self-help or wellness workshop for your teachers. 18 Search online for an award-giving body for educators and nominate an exemplary one from your school. 19 Ask parents to get involved in some of the planning and activities for the day as a show of support for the teachers and appreciation for their sacrifices. 20 Encourage a dinner out between your parents and teachers with no agenda or school talk so they can bond and have fun. It’s great to show our gratitude, love, and concern for teachers past and present on their special day. But it’s even better to celebrate them not only once a year, but every day in small, simple, but meaningful ways.
Teaching is only for the brave of heart and noble of intentions. has a crucial role in shaping the lives of individuals who one day will be the leaders and movers of society. How the future plays out will depend on how teachers are instructing the young generation today. If we want a world that values humanity and upholds sound values and morals, then we have to look at educators as our partners in instilling good traits in our children. With this heavy task that is given to teachers, it is important that they in turn are cared for by society. It is important that they are empowered through proper training, healthy working conditions, just compensation, and making available the resources and support they need. A related concern is how to create a system that will attract more people to this calling. What we need are people who are deeply called to this vocation, whose only reason for taking up or shifting to education is their love for teaching and for their students. This is because teaching is only for the brave of heart and noble of intentions. It is said that “teachers are unsung heroes.� On this special day, let us go the extra mile to pay homage to our mentors and usher them to the center stage as the whole world celebrates them. FM
Plan a “Pamper Dayâ€? and treat your teachers to professional massage, IRRW VSD RU UHĂ€ H[RORJ\ sessions in a nice area of the school.
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Leandro Cabrera did not always want to be a fitness trainer. In fact, he only got into his course, Sports Science, at the University of the Philippines by accident and hated anatomy class every time. But what he learned and experienced during his internship at a well-known fitness center finally made him take a serious look at his chosen career. “When I started handling clients and helping them reach their goals, I knew that ultimately, I wanted to serve people and it is in this industry that I could do it,” says Leandro. After his on-the-job training, he accepted the job offer from the center and went to work the next day. Leandro, a certified personal trainer under the National Academy of Sports Medicine, was then just 22 years old. “It was a humbling experience,” he recalls of his early work stint. “At that point I realized I had so much more to learn about training and I wanted to become a better trainer every day. It was also challenging because of the physical demands of the job that I wasn’t ready for. I remember handling 15 to 20 clients per day, teaching and talking to them.”
Fitness on the Go By Excel V. Dyquiangco
6SRUWV VFLHQFH LV D ULVLQJ ¿ HOG of study that can pave the way to a variety of careers.
BRINGING FITNESS TO THE HOME Early in his career, Leandro began to analyze the intricacies of sports science, which is a service-oriented course that equips its students with the skills set to provide exercise programs to those in need. He decided he wanted to practice his profession on his own. “I started promoting my services within our condominium, but eventually I expanded to training clients in their homes. I remember very vividly the moment when I ask myself, ‘Why not provide a package where I will bring my own equipment?’”
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YOUTH TALK | CHOOSING
So he resigned from work and put up Fitness Mobil, intending to bring fitness to everyone’s doorsteps. He hired coaches who also brought their equipment with them to their clients’ homes. He adds, “As a fitness trainer, I start my work as early as 5 a.m. and end as late as 9 p.m. Aside from that, I do admin work by monitoring my coaches and also answering inquiries through our social media accounts and email. I also handle trainings of my new coaches.” He admits that one of the most challenging aspects of his work is training himself. “Of course, as a coach, you have to model what you preach,” he says. “That means you also have to be fit. This job is very physically demanding and if you don’t push yourself to get stronger, I doubt that you will be able to handle it.”
BUILDING HIS NAME Leandro says that in his journey to nurture his business, one of the biggest lessons he has learned is that starting and maintaining one is very hard and requires a lot of work, sacrifice, and patience. “When we started the company, I had difficulty in marketing and branding, mainly because I didn’t have any background with this and didn’t have any classes about this back in college,” he says. “So I just frequently asked my friends who are in the marketing and advertising industry for advice and tips on how to grow Fitness Mobil.” He adds, “As you grow up, you have a lot of grown-ups telling you to start a business so that you can work for yourself but they fail to highlight the most important part, and that’s the process. I always remind myself why I chose to do this full time and that is to help people through their fitness goals.” Hard work, support from his fiancée, Joy, and tithing are some of the
“
When I started handling clients and helping them reach their goals, I knew that ultimately, I wanted to serve people and it is in this industry that I could do it
.”
factors he cites for the success of his practice. After resigning from his 9-to-5 job, he vowed to bring the same work ethic and discipline he had acquired and not let himself slacken up or play online games during his free time. “My fiancée knows how I feel about the business,” he says. “She has continued to support me in everything I do, and most of all, she believes in me.” As for tithing, Leandro says, “Every time I tithe, it is a very personal and intimate experience between me and God. It is an acknowledgement that He is in control of everything and that He is the one that gives me the success I have today.” What gives him joy in his field of work? “What I love most about my job is seeing my clients more confident about themselves and able to reach their fitness goals,” he says. “And one of those perks is receiving appreciation texts from my clients, thanking me for guiding them.” FM
Opportunities in Sports Science Sports science is the application of scientific principles to exercise and sport. Most sports science courses combine various branches of science that relate to the relationship between exercise and the human body, including biomechanics, physiology, psychology, anatomy, engineering, immunology, and chemistry. This field is a rapidly expanding area that can open the door to a range of jobs in the pharmaceutical, healthcare, fitness, rehabilitation, sports, and leisure industries.
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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n e e T 101 By Aileen Carreon
What every teenaged boy and girl should know about dating violence. When you’re young, dating should be a fun and pleasant experience for both you and your special someone. It would be great to have fond memories of your first love and to be remembered as a good boyfriend. To keep your relationship healthy, respect for the other person is key. Respect serves as a safeguard to keep the relationship from ever turning into an abusive one, as is the case in teen dating violence. Teen dating violence is “the physical, sexual or psychological/emotional violence within a teen dating relationship, as well as stalking.” Here, one partner tries to gain and maintain power and control over the other person. Teen dating violence can occur between current or former dating partners. You wouldn’t like to end up in the news like the 18-yearold student from Tondo who was accused of raping his fourmonth pregnant girlfriend to induce abortion, or the 17-yearold in Cebu who was charged with frustrated homicide for slashing his girlfriend’s throat in a fit of jealousy.
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YOUTH TALK | PREVENTING
Teen dating violence does happen more often than we think, often starting with teasing and name-calling. While these are extreme cases, studies show that teen dating violence does happen more often than we think, often starting with teasing and namecalling—behaviors we might consider as a normal part of a relationship, but can later escalate into more serious acts of abuse.
ACTS OF ABUSE Physical abuse includes pushing, pinching, biting, slapping, beating, kicking, choking, hair pulling, throwing objects, spitting, holding a partner captive, using or threatening to use a weapon, and other acts causing physical harm. Sexual abuse includes verbal attacks on the victim’s gender, unwanted touching and kissing, intimidation to force the victim to engage in any kind of sexual activity, and rape. Psychological or emotional abuse includes threats, harassment, screaming, yelling, ridiculing, criticizing, emotional blackmailing, playing mind games, and stalking.
While both male and female teens can be guilty of dating violence, boys initiate the violence more often, according to a factsheet on teen dating violence issued by the NYC Alliance Against Sexual Assault. In addition, boys have been found to use greater force and are more repeatedly abusive to their dating partners compared to girls. One way to avoid being in an abusive relationship is to make sure you keep the relationship healthy. The Young Men’s Health website, produced by the Division of Adolescent and Young Adult Medicine at Boston Children’s Hospital in the U.S., lists characteristics of a healthy relationship. You and the person you are dating feel good about each other and yourselves.
You do activities together, such as going to movies, playing sports, or hanging out with other friends. There is respect and honesty. You both listen to each other’s thoughts and feelings. Even if you argue or disagree sometimes, you can talk things out and reach a compromise that works for both of you. You accept each other’s right to say “no” or to change one’s mind, without giving each other a hard time. You understand that it’s important for both of you to stay involved in the activities and interests you enjoyed separately before you became close, because you both need to hang out with other friends, as well as have time for yourselves. If you truly love and value your girlfriend, you would never subject her to any form of abuse that not only shatters her image of you but can leave her scarred. Oftentimes, victims of teen dating violence develop a fear of intimacy, and find it difficult to become a positive member of society, to develop a personal value system, and to establish an adult identity. Violence against women is an individual choice in the same way that you choose to care, love, and respect your special someone. Being in a healthy relationship should be your goal.
Violence against women is an individual choice, in the same way that you choose to care, love, and respect your special someone. September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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Just because your girlfriend is physically smaller than you does not mean it is okay for her to intentionally hurt you. GIRLS DO IT, TOO On the other hand, if you find yourself at the receiving end of a girl’s abusive behavior, know that this is not acceptable. No one, whether girl or boy, deserves to be abused. According to Dating Abuse Stops Here, which is featured as a resource for teen dating violence on the CBS News 48 Hours website, girls can be abusive in subtle ways. For instance, a girl may be involved in stalking behavior like constant texting or sexting, following your every move, or showing extreme jealousy. She may demand that you spend time only with her. When mad, she may scratch, hit, or slap you. She may like to play mind games that cause you emotional or psychological turmoil. Just because your girlfriend is physically smaller than you does not mean it is okay for her to intentionally hurt you. Don’t laugh it off when she slaps you or yells at you. This is not cute. Remember that any kind of abuse can escalate and should never be tolerated. If you think you are in an abusive relationship, your best action is to get out of it and seek help to protect yourself from your abuser. Abusive relationships are unhealthy emotionally and physically. You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You deserve to be in a relationship that is healthy and fun. FM 46
Bill on Teen Dating Recognizing the seriousness of teen dating violence, the late Senator Miriam Defensor-Santiago filed on October 16, 2008 the “Teen Dating Violence Act” that would mandate the Department of Education to include dating violence education in the physical education, health and music curriculum for secondary education. In her explanatory note to the bill, Santiago cited the reasons for enacting a teen dating violence law in the same way that there is a domestic violence law. She said that the dynamics of teen dating violence is “very similar to the dynamics of domestic violence in adult relationships.” Like adult domestic violence, teen dating violence crosses all social and economic classes, races, cultures, genders, and sexual orientations. There are, however, differences that make it an issue separate from adult domestic violence, Santiago added. “Many teens have not had much experience with intimate relationships and therefore may be especially susceptible to the sex roles presented in society which are overwhelmingly stereotypical and nonegalitarian.” In addition, “teens perceive relationships to be significant in a much shorter period of time, and therefore may have difficulty leaving a relationship even after only a month of dating a partner. Even if a victim decides to break up with her or his abuser, they often attend the same school, contributing to a greater sense of fear and entrapment. Teens are also under a great deal of pressure by peers to be involved in a relationship, which may add to their ambivalence about breaking up with a partner.” Finally, many teens may resist seeking help from parents or other adults. “At this developmental stage, teens are struggling to declare independence and may try to solve problems on their own or with their peers. They may fear that if they reach out for help from an adult in their life they may lose some of the freedom which they have worked hard to attain. There have been several studies that declared that when a student is a victim of dating violence, his or her academic life suffers and his or her safety at school is jeopardized.” All these, according to the draft bill, make it imperative for the legislature to “enact a sound policy to create an environment free of dating violence which shall be a part of each school.” Santiago said the legislation would “require each school to establish a policy for responding to incidents of dating violence and to provide dating violence education to students, parents, staff, faculty and administrators, in order to prevent dating violence and to address incidents involving dating violence.” The bill, however, was still pending at the committee level at the end of the 16th Congress of the Philippines, which ran from July 22, 2013 to June 6, 2016.
FamilyMatters | September-November 2017
YOUTH TALK |STARRING
Meet this rising young crooner with the winning combination of powerful vocals and sweet personality. F il-Canadian singer Darren Espanto doesn’t speak or move like someone with 1.3 million followers on Instagram and 91,700 followers on Twitter. You congratulate him backstage at Kia Theater in Cubao, Quezon City, for sweeping this year’s MYX Music Awards, and he smiles shyly before saying thank you. “I’m thankful I was recognized over other more seasoned performers,” he says. “(But) I still have a long way to go.” The 16-year-old Kapamilya star is self-effacing by nature. In his Twitter and Instagram accounts, the MCA Music artist shows the roots of this humility. “Humble yourself in the sight of the Lord and He will lift you up,” he urges his followers. Despite legions of fans (Darrenatics), a million YouTube views (for his version of Jessie J’s Domino, his audition piece for The Voice Kids Philippines’ first season), and other achievements, his belief in God’s guidance has shielded Darren from the excesses common to stars. The chinito artist may have filled the cavernous Mall of Asia (MOA) Arena during his birthday concert, but for Darren, this is no sign that he can rest on his laurels. Even Darren’s song for himself, Jessie J’s Who You Are, is a reminder to stay grounded. Part of the lyrics says, “Don’t lose who you are in the blur of the stars!/Seeing is deceiving/Dreaming is believing.” “I’m happy people look up to me. But I don’t feel like a role model. I’m about the same age (as those who admire me).”
Deep in
the Heart of
Darren By Maridol Ranoa-Bismark
September-November 2017 | FamilyMatters
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RAISED A FILIPINO Much of the credit for this humility goes to his parents, nurses Lyndon and Marinel, who made sure Darren grew up God-fearing and family-oriented. Though born in Calgary, Alberta, Canada—Darren’s upbringing and values are Filipino all the way. Living among native English speakers, the Espanto couple made sure Darren and his seven-year-old sister Lynelle never forgot their roots. They taught them to speak Tagalog at home and to show respect for elders by ending their sentences in po and opo.
They taught them to speak Tagalog at home and to show respect for elders by ending their sentences in po and opo.
Family is a big thing for the Espantos. When Darren visited his family Canada last March, he extended his stay to celebrate Lynelle’s birthday. “We did a lot of stuff. We ate a lot. I prepared for my sister’s birthday. She turned seven, and it was just like a debut,” he said in an interview with his mother network, ABS-CBN. Darren’s devotion to his loved ones shows in a song he dedicates to them, Celine Dion’s Because You Loved Me. The popular song is filled with gratitude for a love one, and ends with the touching words “I’m everything I am/Because you loved me.” Aside from his family, Darren is grateful for his other blessings—the many trophies lining his shelf, his selftitled platinum album, his fans, and other accomplishments . All these have made his schedule packed with TV appearances, shows, and tours here and abroad. So busy is he, Darren admits to sometimes getting the venues of his shows mixed up. He recalls an embarrassing incident when he mistook the Kapampangan crowd in a mall show for Davaoenos. Another boo-boo he committed was once forgetting the lyrics of a song he was singing on stage. All these are part of a big learning curve Darren is happy to embrace, even as he shows an eagerness to take on more challenges. One thing he’d like to try is act in teleseryes and in theater. “As a kid, I was fascinated by actors,” he says in a Kapamilya chat. “Given the chance, I want to try acting.” But since he’s only 16 and has yet to see the dark side of life, Darren prefers roles that fit him for now. These are the feel-good ones—or those he describes as “chill”—over those that require him to cry.
But he’s also open to roles that require intense emotions. It’s just that, he says, “I need a workshop for crying scenes.” In fact, he was supposed to do a movie and appear on a dramatic show, but his schedule got in the way.
DEALING WITH TROLLS Darren knows many things can get in the way of his journey as a performer. One of them is bashers. Like most celebrities, Darren has his fair share of them, but he refuses to let them get to him. Instead of lashing out at them, Darren told TV host Boy Abunda in an interview that his message to them is a kind “God bless you.” To these people, Darren offers this advice, “Think before you post. And take note of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Darren knows his journey as a gifted artist (he started singing at age two and joined his first contest at 10) can be long and bumpy, so he is teaching himself how to deal with the roadblocks. He’s turning to “Cold Water,” the song Justin Bieber popularized, for guidance. “Cause we all get lost sometimes, you know?/It’s how we learn and how we grow,” part of the lyrics reminds him. So he just keeps on practicing his dance moves, experimenting with new music genres, and keeping his eye on every opportunity to improve. “I just give it my all. The award is just a bonus,” he says, those chinky eyes smiling. With God as his strength, his parents as guide, his talent as capital, and his fans as inspiration, the road ahead for Darren remains as exciting as can be. FM
“ Think before you post. And take note of the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”