Good News by John Zebedeeson

Good News!

Reported by John Zebedeeson

Phrased in Plain English by Donna Lee Schillinger Photo by Ivan Torres on Unsplash

Good News!

Note from the Paraphraser I’m not trying to fool anyone. Yes, this is a paraphrase of the Book of John in the Bible. Rephrasing the scriptures helps me to understand it better, and that’s why I started doing it. Maybe it will help you too.

While putting this together, I fantasized about my brothers and sister (Tim, Adam, Ryan and Mary) reading this, maybe even out of pity for me, and thinking new thoughts about God—ones that transcend the formulas they learned in church; ones that shift their focus away how Christians have hurt them and toward the higher imperative of faith.

I think I’ve done a good thing, but I can almost guarantee that this small thing will piss off some church people and pastors. (Frankly, they are easy to piss off.) They’ll say I’m not qualified to have undertaken this work; there are much better modern paraphrases; I made Jesus sound snarky (though they may not use that exact word); my theology is all discombobulated. To those, my detractors, I say, Don’t get your linen undergarments in a wad—God can use it.

And if God does use it in your life, you can find more Bible passages the way I would say them at donnasmiracleblog.wordpress.com. Scroll to the bottom right where it says, Categories, and look for “How I would say it.” Click on that and you’ll pull up all the biblical content I’ve put into plain English. If you want a whole Bible paraphrase, try The Message. You can download an app to your phone, search “The Message” in your app store. There are several others that sound more like people do today: Good News Translation, Easy to Read Version, Modern English Version, Living Bible, New Living Translation, and The Voice. They are all improvements on Old English.

Finally, as a project intended for people who haven’t gone to church regularly, I have taken liberties to fill in a few details about things you missed by not going to Sunday school. This is the stuff you’ll see in brackets. I also bracket some random interjections that surely must have been edited out of the original Bible.

The other stuff I made up is the subtitles. I don’t want anyone thinking those are actually the words of God. I know most people would know better than that, but I’m just underscoring the obvious here for uptight religious people who seem to get easily tripped up on details like that.

And now to get all churchy on you…May God bless the hell out of you as you read this awesome story!

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The Book of John in Plain English

Word. A preface of sorts. John 1:1-18 It all began with a Word from God. The Word was with God and, in fact, was God. This Word was with God from the start. Everything that has ever been made was made through this Word. The Word held the power of life, and that life is the trace of God in humanity—our own limited form of goodness. Our goodness is apparent in a dark world and the evil of the world has never and will never overpower that goodness.

God sent a man named John (not me the author of this book, but another John) to tell people about this trace of God that humanity has in it. He wanted people to believe in it. He wasn’t any sort of god himself, he was just trying to point others to God. But a real God was coming to earth; in fact, he was already in the world when John started out on his quest.

This real God actually made the world—created it—but oddly enough, the world didn’t recognize its maker. He came to introduce himself to his creation, but his creation didn’t want to have anything to do with him. Well, most of it didn’t.

Those who did welcome him and believed him to really be God, he offered to adopt them. Of course, we don’t share the same DNA or anything, it’s a spiritual birth into God’s family.

So, that Word, which was God, took on the form of a human and lived on Earth for a time. I, John, the author of this report, have seen first-hand how amazing this God is. I personally knew and served under the one and only Son of God who came down from Father God, genuine to the core and with arms brimming with incredible gifts for humanity.

And I have to tell you that of all those gifts for humanity, I have gotten more than my share. And I already had a lot! We Jews had the gift of the Law that Moses passed down, but now Jesus Christ (God’s Son) is bringing so much more and will set the record straight on all accounts.

John (the one I mentioned before, who was sent by God) said of this Son of God, “This is the very guy I’ve been telling you about—the one I said who even though he comes after me is way ahead of me because he existed long before me!”

No one has ever seen God, but this Word, Jesus Christ, God’s only Son who is every bit God himself—there’s no entity closer to God than him—sure has given us a glimpse of God the Father.

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Good News!

And Now the Story Starts with a Case of Mistaken Identity. John 1:19-34 At a place called Bethany, on the other side of the Jordan River, John (not me, the other John) was dunking people in the river as a symbol of spiritual cleansing.

This strange behavior didn’t go unnoticed; and Jewish leaders from Jerusalem sent some religious bigwigs to ask John if he might be the Son of God come to earth.

He told them straight out: “You’ve got the wrong guy.”

So they asked, “Then who are you, the prophet Elijah back from the dead?”

“Nope.”

“Are you a prophet?”

“Nope.”

Finally they said, “Who are you? We need to know what to tell the people who sent us out here. Give us a clue as to who you are.”

Quoting Isaiah, a famous prophet who had lived hundreds of years before, John said, “I am a lone voice in the wilderness that says, ‘Get ready for God, ‘cuz here he comes!’”

Then the religious bigwigs said, “Why are you dunking people in the water as some sort of symbol of spiritual cleansing if you’re not God’s Son or Elijah or some other prophet?”

“It’s true, I dunk people,” John replied, “but your goose chase is misguided. The guy you should be looking for—he’s out there somewhere—is way out of my league and much more fascinating.”

The next day, John saw Jesus Christ coming toward him and said, “Here he is! The sacrifice to end all sacrifices who will completely clear our account with God. This is the guy I was talking about when I said, ‘Even though he comes after me, he’s way ahead of me because he existed long before me!’ I really didn’t know who he was, I just knew that I needed to get out here and start dunking people as a symbol of spiritual cleansing and somehow that would flush him out.”

Recalling how he understood Jesus to be God’s Son, John said, “God’s Spirit came down from the sky as if it were a dove and it landed on Jesus and stayed with him. Until then, I didn’t even realize who he was, but at that moment, the same inner voice that compelled me to start dunking people out here told me, ‘When you see God’s Spirit come down and land on someone, you’ll know he is the one who is going to be doing the real spiritual cleansing—not just the symbolic act.’ I’ve seen it with my own eyes and I assure you, this is the one we’ve been waiting for. God chose him.”

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The Book of John in Plain English

We’ve Been Following the Wrong Guy! John 1:35-42 The next day John was there again with two from his entourage, and when he saw Jesus going by he said, “Look, there he is—God in the flesh!”

When the two men heard him say that, they packed up and started following after Jesus. Jesus turned around and looked at them and said, “Can I help you?”

They said, “We’d like to learn from you. Do you mind if we join you?”

“Sure, why not,” Jesus said. “You can see my ‘headquarters’ and then decide if you want to stick around.”

So the two followed him, saw his “headquarters” and hung out with him all day until about four in the afternoon.

One of these two men was named Andrew, and he had a brother named Simon Peter. Right off, Andrew went and found his brother Simon and told him, “We’ve found the one all the prophecies point to, God in human form.” And he brought him back to meet Jesus.

Jesus took one look at him and said, “I know you, you’re Simon son of John. I’m going to call you The Rock” (a.k.a. Peter).

Philip and Nathanael Join Up. John 1:43-51 The next day Jesus decided to leave for Galilee. On the way, he met a man named Philip and asked him to join the group.

Like Andrew and Peter, Philip was from the town of Bethsaida. Philip went looking for his friend Nathanael and told him, “You’ve got to come see who we found – the very person that Moses and the prophets were writing about all those years. His name is Jesus, he’s from a town called Nazareth, and his father is a man named Joseph.”

“No way, Nazareth? No way is God incarnate going to come out of Nazareth.” Nathanael replied skeptically.

“Just come and see for yourself,” said Philip.

Jesus saw Nathanael walking up and commented to those nearby, but within Nathanael’s hearing, “Now here comes a dyed-in-the-wool Israelite—as genuine as they get.”

“Who told you that?” Nathanael asked.

“Nobody,” Jesus answered, “I figured it out for myself from watching you under that fig tree earlier today.”

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Good News!

Knowing no one could have possibly seen him under that fig tree earlier in the day, Nathanael blurted out, “Holy… you! You must be the son of God. You’re the rightful king of Israel!”

Jesus said, “Did that impress you—my ability to see what you were doing under that fig tree? That’s a drop in the bucket compared to what’s coming up.” Then he added, “The fact is, you’re going to see the atmosphere part and angels go up and come down to me from a place out of time and space.”

[Nathanael’s mind is officially blown.]

Jesus Changes Water into Wine.

John 2: 1-12 Day three: Jesus and the men who were learning from him attended a wedding in a town called Cana in Galilee.

Jesus’ mother was also there. Well before the celebration was ready to end, the hosts ran out of wine, and Jesus’ mother came up to him and said, “They ran out of wine.”

“What’s that got to do with me, Woman?” Jesus asked. “You know I’m not ready for prime time.”

His mother turned and told the wait staff, “Just do what he tells you to do.”

There were six big water jugs, the kind the Jews used for their religious washing rituals—each of them held about 20 to 30 gallons. So Jesus told the wait staff, “Fill those jugs with water.”

And they did, to the brim.

Then he told them, “Now draw a glass of it out and take it to the father of the bride.”

So they did, and the father of the bride tasted the water which had miraculously turned into wine. He had no idea where it came from, only the wait staff knew. Then the father of the bride called the groom aside and said, “Hosts usually serve the best wine first and then bring out the cheap stuff when people are too drunk to notice; but you’ve saved the fine wine for the end.”

This was Jesus’ first public demonstration of divine power, and it caused the men who were following him to believe that he was the real deal.

After the wedding, he left for Capernaum with his family, and his followers came with too. They stayed there for a few days.

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The Book of John in Plain English

Jesus Clears the Temple Courts.

John 2:12-25 It was almost time for the Passover, the most important annual Jewish holiday, so Jesus made his way to Jerusalem for the celebration. When he got there, he visited the temple and in the courtyards of the temple, there were people selling cattle, sheep and doves, as well as people selling the only currency that the priests would accept as offering. Biding his time, he wove a whip out of some rope and all of a sudden just let loose, cracking the whip and scaring out the cattle and sheep from the temple. Then he flipped the money changers’ tables over and coins flew everywhere. He rushed the dove salesmen and said, “Get out of here! My Father’s house isn’t some livestock market!”

Trying to make some sense of this outburst, the men following Jesus remembered the Scripture that says, “I will be overwhelmed with passion for your house.”

A few people stood up to him and said, “What gives you the right to do this?”

Jesus replied, “Flatten this place and I’ll have it up again in three days.”

They popped back, “It’s taken 46 years to build this temple and you think you could do it in three days?”

But Jesus wasn’t talking about the building; he was referring to his body. This made sense to his followers only after he had come back to life, after three days of being dead. They really only understood in retrospect what Jesus had said that day in the temple.

During the Passover celebration in Jerusalem, Jesus did a lot more amazing, miraculous things and quite a few people started to believe he was for real and spread the word about him. But knowing people like Jesus did, he kept a safe emotional distance. He didn’t need anyone to tell him how fickle people can be.

Jesus Schools Nicodemus. John 3:1-21 There was a man named Nicodemus, a member of the Jewish ruling council and a sect called the Pharisees.

One night, he clandestinely sought out Jesus to speak with him. He said, “Teacher, it’s obvious that you have a special relationship with God—that’s the only way anyone could possibly perform all the miracles that you are performing.”

Jesus replied, “The fact is that it’s impossible to understand God at work unless you have been adopted as one of His children.”

“I’m way too old to be adopted as a child! Is it possible for an old man like me to be adopted into a new family?” Nicodemus asked.

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Good News!

Jesus answered, “Here’s the way it works: you can’t become a child of God unless you’ve been spiritually cleansed and spiritually birthed. Humans have little babies, but God gives birth to spiritual babies. Don’t be shocked to learn you have to be a baby again.

“Can you control the wind? We can hear it, but we have no idea which direction it’s coming from next or which direction it will go. And that’s the way it is with spiritual birth—there’s no predicting it on your part.”

“I don’t get it,” Nicodemus replied.

“Wow. You’re on the ruling council and you don’t get this?” Jesus continued, “The fact of the matter is that we can only relate to what we know—things we’ve experienced and seen. And I’ve been teaching using common analogies, but still you don’t ‘get it.’ If I’m teaching you from concrete experiences and you don’t get it, how could you possibly understand if I were to teach you lessons from the cosmos, for which you have no frame of reference? After all, no one has ever been outside of time and space except the one person who came from there—the Son of Man. And just like Moses held up that snake in the desert to stop death in its tracks, the Son of Man has to be held up to stop death too, and everyone who counts on him to save them from death won’t just live, they will live forever.

“You see, God loved the world so much that he gave up the only Son he ever fathered to be lifted up and to stop death in its tracks. And if you are able to believe that, you will live now and forever. God didn’t send his Son to browbeat the world, but to save it. Believe in the Son and there’s no browbeating; don’t believe and you’ve already been beaten, because you didn’t believe in your only chance at real life—God’s one and only Son. Here’s what I think: God sent Light to the earth, but some people prefer to slink around in the dark because they don’t want anyone seeing what they’re doing. When you’re up to no good, you hate the thought of being found out and you certainly wouldn’t move around in the daylight for fear of being found out. But when you live a life of integrity, you can call on people during the day, and you’re not afraid to live in plain view of God and everyone.

[Ouch.]

The Best Man’s Speech. John 3:22-36 Later, Jesus and his followers spent some time in the Judean countryside, performing spiritual cleansing rituals. John was there too, also dunking people near Salim at Aenon, where the water was suitable for this sort of ritual and there was no lack of people either. (This was before John was sent to prison, I’ll get to that later.)

Some of John’s followers started arguing with a certain Jew about this dunking ritual. Then they complained to John, “Teacher, everyone is going over to the other side of the Jordan River to be dunked by that man you kept going on about.”

John replied, “I’ll be happy with whoever God sends me. You already know where I stand on this; you heard me say he’s the one who is going to do the real spiritual cleansing, not just the symbolic act of dunking. I’m like this guy’s best man, if you will. The best man is there to do whatever the groom needs. And at that moment when the bride starts to walk down the aisle, she’s not heading toward the best man; she’s heading for the

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The Book of John in Plain English groom. And the best man isn’t jealous—if anything he’s overwhelmed with joy for the groom. And that’s what I feel right now. It’s time for me to bow out and let him stand in the spotlight, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

“Look, this guy is not from around here; he’s otherworldly and way more advanced than anything on this earth.

I’m just a human and I can only relate to what I know from my experience. But someone from outside of time and space? Who could possibly know more than he does? He speaks from a whole other base of knowledge and experience; and yet people aren’t believing him. The ones who do believe him are proving God to be real. God sent him and he speaks on God’s behalf. He has this direct line to God—no waiting on hold or being sent to voicemail. Father God loves his Son and gives him any and everything—on demand. And if you wrap your mind around that and accept the Son for who he is, you’ll live on even after you die; but if you think it’s a load of bull, you’ve got no chance of life after death, because you’ve officially ticked off God.”

Jesus Exposes Himself to a Samaritan Woman. John 4:1-26 [no disrespect intended in the title. It was just too funny, and I know God is the author of funny] When Jesus learned that the fact that he was dunking more people and becoming more popular than John was causing a real stir among the Pharisees (even though he wasn’t actually doing the dunking, but his followers were), he decided to leave Judea and go back to Galilee.

The way they went back took them through a town called Sychar in Samaria. The town was near the land the Jewish forefather Jacob had bequeathed to his famous son Joseph. There was a famous well there called Jacob’s well. It was about noon and Jesus was already worn out, so he stopped to rest at that well.

One of the local Samaritan women came along to draw water from the well and Jesus said to her, “How about giving me a drink?” (He was alone—his followers had gone into the town to get something to eat.)

The Samaritan woman replied, “You’re asking me for a drink? You’re a Jew and I’m a Samaritan woman.” (Jews normally wouldn’t associate with Samaritans.)

Jesus answered, “Yea, well, if you only knew who’s asking you for a drink—God’s gift to mankind—you would be begging me for a drink of life-giving water.”

“Is that so? You don’t even have anything to draw water with, how would you get it out? What’s life-giving water anyway? Is this water not good enough for you—the very water that our forefather Jacob, his sons and livestock drank?”

Jesus answered, “Drink all you want from this well. You’ll just get thirsty again. But the water I’m offering only has to be drunk once and then no more thirst. Because my water becomes a spring inside the person who drinks it—a spring of eternal life.”

The woman replied, “I’ll take it! Then I won’t have to keep coming back here to get water.”

Jesus said, “Okay. Go get your husband and come back.”

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Good News!

“I don’t have a husband,” she replied.

Jesus said to her, “Good answer! The fact is you have had five husbands, and the man you’re with now isn’t one of them. You’re absolutely right.”

“Wow,” the woman said. “Okay, then, if you know so much, tell me why you Jews say we can’t perform our religious ceremonies on this mountain when our ancestors worshiped on this mountain. You say we have to go to Jerusalem to worship.”

“Listen,” Jesus replied, “soon enough it’s not going to matter where you worship. You don’t even know what you’re worshiping anyway. We Jews know though, because the hope of mankind is Jewish. Anyway, the game is about to change—it’s changing already! Those who are actually devoted to God—not just going through the motions—serve and submit to God through his Spirit, and it’s real. That’s the kind of person God wants to worship Him. God is a spirit and so if you want to worship him, you have to do it with your spirit, and sincerely. And it doesn’t matter where.”

The woman said, “Game changer, huh? Well, I know that a christened savior of mankind is supposed to be coming, and when he does, he’ll explain everything.”

Jesus said. “And who do you think you’re talking to right now? It’s me! Christened savior of mankind, at your service!”

Reel ‘em in, Boys. John 4:27-42 Just then Jesus’ followers walked up on the conversation and couldn’t believe that Jesus was actually talking to this Samaritan woman; but they didn’t have the guts to ask him what was going on.

The woman forgot all about drawing water from the well and hurried back to town to tell whoever she could find, “I think I’ve met the savior of mankind that all the prophecies talk about. He knew everything about me.”

Some of the townspeople followed her back to the well.

After the woman left the well, Jesus’ followers tried to get Jesus to eat. They said, “Teacher, you have to eat something!”

Jesus replied, “I’ve been feasting the whole time you were gone!”

His followers couldn’t figure it out. They mumbled to each other, “Do you think someone brought him some food?”

“Doing what God sent me to do is like a four-course meal to me.” Jesus said, “You know how people say, ‘Friday’s payday,’? Open your eyes, boys, it’s time to cash in right now! It’s time to start converting assets to cash—not really cash, but treasure that will outlast this life. You know that saying, one does all the work and another gets all the credit. It’s true, but in this case, both the one who did the work and the one who gets the credit are both happy about it. You guys are cashing in on work you didn’t do. Someone else did all the hard work; all you have to do is reel ‘em in.”

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The Book of John in Plain English [Disciples shooting each other looks that say: “Anyone got a clue what he’s talking about?”]

A lot of the townspeople ended up believing Jesus was the real deal because the woman was so convincing when she told them, “He knew everything about me.” They followed her back to the well and convinced Jesus to hang out for a couple of days. Then Jesus himself convinced them of who he was.

They told the woman, “At first we just believed what you told us, but now that we’ve heard Jesus for ourselves, we know first-hand that this guy is really the savior of the world that prophesy described.”

Jesus Heals an Officer’s Son. John 4:43-54 After a couple of days, Jesus set out for Galilee. Understand, Jesus had predicted that he was going to get no respect in his own hometown. Nonetheless, when he first arrived in Galilee, people welcomed him. Those who had been at the Passover celebration in Jerusalem had been very impressed with Jesus there. He also went back to Cana in Galilee, where he had turned water into wine at that wedding reception.

One of the local authorities had a sick son, at the point of death, in Capernaum, a village on the northern shore of the Sea of Galilee. When he heard Jesus was in town, he tracked him down and begged him to come to cure his son.

“You people always have to have some proof to believe in something,” Jesus told him.

The officer replied, “Please, I’m begging you. Come help my son; he could die any minute.”

“Your son is going to be fine. Go on now,” replied Jesus.

The officer accepted this answer and set off toward home. On the way, one of his staff met him and told him that his son was on the mend. The officer asked when his son’s condition had started to improve, and the staffer told him, “His fever broke yesterday at 1 p.m.”

The officer realized this was the exact time that Jesus had said, “Your son is going to be fine.” That was enough for him and everyone in his family to believe Jesus was for real.

This was the second inexplicably amazing thing Jesus had done since he had arrived in Galilee.

Bummed out by Bethesda. John 5:1-15 Later on, Jesus went to Jerusalem for one of the Jewish festivals. Near the Sheep Gate in Jerusalem, there’s a pool called Bethesda (an Aramaic word). The pool is encircled with five rows of columns, which are shaded. A lot of people with various disabilities—blindness, mobility challenges, paralysis—hung out there because the waters supposedly had healing qualities. One such person was a man who had been disabled for 38 years. Jesus

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Good News! saw him lying there and struck up a conversation. When he found out how long he had been disabled, Jesus asked him, “Do you want to be free of your disability?”

“Sir,” the man replied, “When the water starts to bubble, I try to get in the pool, but I never make it in time because I don’t have anyone to help me. Other people always beat me to it.”

Then Jesus said, “Just get up already! Take that mat you’re lying on and get going.” Immediately, the man stood up, picked up his things and off he went.

It was a Saturday, the Jewish holy day, and the Jewish religious leaders busted the guy for walking with a mat, saying, “Hey, you can’t carry that today! It’s a holy day and it’s against the law to carry anything.”

But he replied, “Listen, I just got healed and the man who made it happen told me to pick up my mat and get going, so that’s just what I’m going to do.”

They asked, “Who was this guy who told you to pick up your mat and get going?”

The man looked around but couldn’t spot Jesus because he had slipped away in the crowd, and he hadn’t bothered to ask his name.

Later Jesus ran into him at the temple and said, “Look at you, you’re all better! Now you better start living right or you’ll be worse off than before.”

The man got his name this time and he went off and found the Jewish leaders and reported to them that Jesus was the one who had restored his abilities.

What Gives Him the Right? John 5:16-30 The Jewish authorities really had it out for Jesus because he had broken the laws about working on Saturday (their holy day). In his own defense Jesus said, “My Father works nonstop and so that’s how I work.” This only made things worse. Then they were really hot because, not only was he breaking the law, he was also calling God his Father in a literal sense, which in Jewish custom is as good as saying you’re equal with that person.

Jesus tried to explain: “It’s like this: the Son can’t do anything on his own; he can only follow the example of his Father. Like father, like son. And since the Father loves the Son, he shares everything with him. That’s right, and you haven’t seen the half of it. What’s still to come is going to blow your mind. Just like the Father can even bring people back from the dead, give them another chance at life, the Son can also give life to whomever he feels like giving it to. More than that, the Father has delegated to the Son the authority to declare someone guilty or not guilty. Dis’ the Son, you dis’ the Father—the one who gave the Son his marching orders.

“Listen, it’s like this: If you will just open your minds and accept the Father’s decisions, you’ll get life after death. You won’t be declared guilty because you’ve crossed over into the camp of the living. Real soon, in fact, the wheels are already in motion, dead people are going to hear the Son of God, and the ones who do are going to cross over into the camp of the living. Just like God has the power to give life, he’s also delegated to the Son

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The Book of John in Plain English the power to give life. And he delegated to him the authority to declare someone innocent or guilty because he’s the Son of Man. “Don’t let this shock you. It’s mild compared to what else is going to happen—the day of the living dead, when everyone comes back to life at the sound of the Son’s voice. Then those who are declared innocent will live on forever, and those who are found guilty will come back to life to get what’s coming to them. So, you see, I’m no maverick. I’m just calling ‘em like I see ‘em and I always make good calls, because my sole motivation is to follow my marching orders.”

Can I Get a Witness? John 5:31-47 “I’m telling you straight up who I am, but nobody believes it. But I’m not the only one, there’s someone else saying the same thing, and it’s all true. You asked John about me and he told you the truth. Not like he’s any real authority, after all, he’s just human, but I’m just trying to help you to understand this for your own eternal good. John was like a beacon pointing to me, and for a while, it looked like you might see the light.

“What I say about myself carries a lot more weight than what John says about me. Every time I do what I’ve been sent here to do, I prove I’m from the Father. Even the Father has proven that I’m for real. But I guess you’ve never really seen God or never really internalized his word if you don’t believe the proof he’s offering you. You burn the midnight oil analyzing the ancient texts, thinking in some way this is going to make you good with God. Those same texts prove my identity, and yet you refuse to come to me to save your life!

“It’s not like I’m looking for people to fall all over me, I’m just saying, I’ve got your number. There’s no love of God in your hearts. Here I am, representing my Father, and you just don’t buy it. But along comes someone else with absolutely no backing other than his name printed on a business card, and you welcome him into your club. How could anyone expect you to believe in the real deal when you’re so busy congratulating yourselves, and spending zero effort to discover what God has to offer?

“Don’t worry about me telling my Father, though. Moses has that covered. After all, he’s the one you’re counting on, isn’t he? Then again, if you really believed what Moses said, you’d believe in me, because he was the first to write about me. But you don’t believe what he wrote, so how could you possibly believe what I say?”

[Authorities not sure if they should be amused or outraged. Mouths agape, scratching beards.]

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Jesus Feeds the Five Thousand. John 6:1-15 A while later, when it was almost time for the Jewish Passover Festival, Jesus boated across the Sea of Galilee (a.k.a, the Sea of Tiberias), and like seagulls on a shrimp boat, the people followed because they had seen how he had cured people of all kinds of diseases and conditions. When Jesus docked, he walked up the mountain a bit and sat down with his closest followers.

As the masses made their way up the mountain, he asked Phillip, “Is there some place around here we can buy some sandwiches or something to give these people?” He just wanted to see how Phillip would react; he already had a plan.

Phillip replied, “Do you realize how much it would cost to buy even one bite for each person?”

Another one of his followers, Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up, “Hey, there’s a kid over here with five rolls and two small fish. How far do you think that would go?”

Jesus said, “Well, let’s see, have everybody sit down.” The place was grassy, so there were plenty of places to sit.

We estimated there were about 5,000 men in the crowd. Then Jesus took that kid’s rolls, prayed, thanking God, and started passing them out to the crowd. He did the same with the two small fish, and there was enough for everyone to eat as much as they wanted!

When people started sitting back patting their stomachs, Jesus told his followers, “Collect the leftovers; we don’t want anything to go to waste.” They filled twelve baskets with leftover pieces of barley rolls.

As the people in the crowd realized that bread and fish kept coming out of nowhere, the buzz was, “This has got to be the prophet the world’s been waiting for.”

Jesus knew they were about to do something rash like stage a coup and declare him king, so he took off again, this time by himself into the mountains.

You Just Love me for my Bread.

John 6:16-71 It was getting dark, so Jesus’s followers went back to the lake, got into the boat and headed back to Capernaum. It was dark by the time they set off, and Jesus had missed the boat. The winds were strong and the water was really choppy. About three or four miles in, they saw Jesus coming toward the boat, walking on the water, and it scared the living daylights out of them.

But he hollered out, “Hey, it’s just me. Relax!”

So their knees stopped knocking, and they helped him on to the boat. The very moment he stepped on board, presto, they were on the beach near Capernaum.

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The Book of John in Plain English The next day, all those people Jesus had fed were looking for him. They figured out that he hadn’t taken the only boat back to Capernaum—the one his followers took—but nonetheless, he was nowhere to be found. As soon as some boats from Tiberias landed nearby, everybody piled into them and set off to Capernaum to find Jesus.

When they reached the other side and found him, they asked, “Teacher, when did you get here?”

Jesus answered, “You know, you’re just looking for me because you think I’m a free meal ticket, not because you recognized some miraculous sign of my divinity. You’re out here chasing food that doesn’t keep from one day to the next. What you need to be chasing is the food that lasts forever, the kind the Son of Man can give you, as God’s official representative.”

“So, what do we have to do for God in exchange?” they asked.

Jesus answered, “Just believe. That’s all God’s asking of you. Just believe in his official representative.”

Then they said, “If you’re his official rep, prove it. Our ancient manuscripts say, ‘He gave them bread from the sky to eat.’ So where’s our bread?”

Jesus replied, “You know, it wasn’t Moses who gave the people bread from the sky. My Father is the one who gives the only real bread from the sky. God’s bread comes from a place outside of time and space and brings life to people on earth.”

“That’s what we’re talking about! Bring it on, breakfast, lunch and dinner!”

“It’s me!” Jesus announced. “I am the bread of life. If you’d just get to know me, you will never be hungry. If you’d just believe I am who I say I am, you will never be thirsty. But like I said, I’m here in front of you and you don’t get it. The ones who do get it are the ones the Father gives me, and I won’t ever turn any of them away. I didn’t come from outside time and space to do whatever I want. I’m here on an assignment. And here it is: Preserve the life of everyone the Father gives me, and raise them up when the clock ticks down to zero. God wants everyone who counts on me and believes in me to live forever, and I get the joy of bringing them back to life when time ends.”

The Jews in the crowd started grumbling about Jesus claiming to be some sort of cosmic calorie. They said, “C’mon, this is just Jesus. We know his parents, for goodness sake, his dad is Joseph! How can he claim to be from outside time and space?”

“Stop your grumbling,” Jesus answered. “The only way to believe what I’m telling you is if the Father, who I represent, flips the switch on your faith, which would put you among those that come back to life when time runs out. Like your ancient manuscripts say, ‘God will teach all of them.’ If you’ve heard God calling, and sat under his teaching, you’ll believe I’m for real. Of course, nobody has ever seen God, except, well, me.

“Listen, I can’t be any clearer: Believe me, live forever. I am life-giving energy. Your ancestors ate bread from the sky when they were in the desert, but they died anyway. But here I am, offering bread from the sky to whoever wants to eat and not die. I am a living form of bread from a place without time and space. Eat bread, live forever. When I say bread, I’m talking about my body, which I’m going to offer in exchange for life for this world.”

That really ticked the Jews off. They said, “Is he crazy? Does he expect us to eat him alive?”

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Good News!

Jesus replied, “That’s right, unless you eat the Son of Man’s flesh and drink his blood, you’re a dead man walking. If you want to eat my flesh and drink my blood, then I’ll bring you back to life when time runs out. My flesh is a legitimate source of energy and my blood is the original energy drink. Eat up, drink up, be a part of me, and I’ll be part of you. Just like the living God sent me here—and I’m only alive because of him, if you feed on me, I’ll keep you alive. Here it is, people: bread from the sky. Your grandpappy ate manna and died, but you can eat this bread and live forever.”

Jesus was teaching in the synagogue in Capernaum when he said all of this and it caused a lot of his followers to doubt. They were saying to each other, “Do you have any clue what he’s talking about? Does he actually expect people to accept this?”

Jesus knew what they were mumbling about and he said, “Excuse me, have I offended you? I wonder what you’d think if you actually saw the Son of Man going back to a realm outside time and space! Forget the whole flesh and blood thing. The analogies I’m using are spiritual and life-giving, but some of you think it’s a load of bull.”

(Jesus knew from the get-go who believed, who didn’t and who would turn on him later.) He went on to say, “That’s why I said you’ll only get this if God has flipped your faith switch to the ‘on’ position.”

That was the last straw for quite a few who had been following Jesus half-heartedly. They packed up and went home.

Jesus turned to the 12 guys who were left and asked, “Don’t you want to head home too?”

Simon Peter answered on behalf of the rest, “Where would we go, Boss? You’re offering eternal life; we’ll take it! We believe you’re for real and we know you’re God’s official representative.”

Jesus replied, “Yeah, besides that, I chose you, the Daring Dozen! But one of you is a devil.”

He was referring to Judas, Simon Iscariot’s son. He was part of the Dozen, but later he would turn on Jesus.

Bratty Little Brothers. John 7:1-10 Afterwards, Jesus just hung out in Galilee for a while. The Jewish leaders in Judea were plotting to do him in, so he was steering clear of Judea. But just before the Festival of Tabernacles, Jesus’ brothers asked him, “Why don’t you get out of town for a while and head over to Judea—let your followers see you in action at the Festival? You can’t become a household name hanging out here. If you’re determined to make a spectacle of yourself, get out there and do it.” You see, his brothers thought he was a phony.

So Jesus replied, “Timing isn't right; but I wouldn’t expect you to understand that. You don’t have any idea of what it’s like to be me. Everybody loves you guys, but people hate me because my very existence proves they need to be saved from themselves. You go on to the festival. I’m not going—it would be premature.”

He stayed in Galilee a while longer, but after his brothers had left for Judea, Jesus headed out too, keeping a low profile the whole way there.

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The Book of John in Plain English

Festival Sideshow. John 7:12-24 The festival crowd was all abuzz with talk of Jesus. Some said, “He’s a good man.” Others replied, “He’s full of it!” Regardless of what was said, it was kept on the down-low because no one wanted the Jewish leaders to catch them talking about Jesus.

About half way through the festival, Jesus showed up in the temple courts and started teaching. The people who gathered around were amazed and asked each other, “How does he know so much, he never even studied under a rabbi?”

Jesus replied, “These aren’t my ideas, they come from the one I represent. If you do what you know God wants you to do, you’ll find out where these ideas come from. If I were just up here spouting my own ideas, I’d be an arrogant spotlight seeker. But when a person shines the light on the one he represents, you know he’s genuine and totally on the level.

“You’ve got the law of Moses, right? But nobody here keeps that law—if so, you wouldn’t be trying to kill me.”

“What are you, paranoid?” someone answered back. “Who here is trying to kill you?”

“I did one little miracle on Saturday, the holy day,” Jesus continued, “and everybody is up in arms. Yet Moses instituted circumcising boys on the holy day. (Well, Moses didn’t institute circumcision, the patriarchs did.) But if a boy can be circumcised on the holy day and it’s not against the law, why are you all bent out of shape by my healing a man’s entire body on the holy day? Your assessments are like knee-jerk reactions. You need to think things through and be more consistent.”

Then the people put two and two together and said, “Oh, this must be the guy they are trying to kill! But here he is in broad daylight and nobody has said a word to him. Maybe they concluded that he’s the Messiah after all. But how could that be? We know where this guy is from and one of the defining characteristics of the Messiah is that no one is supposed to know where he comes from.”

Then Jesus spoke out over the crowd in the temple courts, “Yes, you know who I am and where I come from.

What you don’t know is that I’m not here representing myself. I’m here on behalf of the real deal. Him, you don’t know. I know him because he sent me here.”

That sent the crowd into a frenzy and they tried to grab Jesus, but he slipped through without even being touched because it simply wasn’t time for that to happen.

Not everyone was out to get him though. There were actually a lot of people in the crowd who believed he was legit. They remarked, “Would the Messiah be able to do anything more to prove himself than this man has already done?”

The Jewish leaders of the Pharisee sect were taking note. Later they conferred with the chief priests and together they sent guards to the temple to try to arrest Jesus.

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Good News!

But Jesus just said, “I’ll be here for a while longer, then I’m going back to where I came from. You can look all you want then and you’ll never find me. You simply cannot go where I’ll be.”

People whispered back and forth, “Where does he think he can go that is out of the reach of the authorities?

Will he go to Greece and teach the Jews who live in Greece? What do you think he means when he says, ‘Look all you want and you won’t be able to find me. You can’t go where I’m going’?”

What to Make of this Jesus Fellow!

John 7:37-52 At the culmination of the festival, Jesus stood and announced loudly, “If you’re searching for something, come find it in me. If you’ll just believe in me, the promise of your ancient texts will come true and you’ll discover deep reserves of energy within you.” He was referring to the Spirit that was going to be available later to those who believed in him. This personal access to God hadn’t yet been granted because Jesus’ purpose hadn’t yet been fulfilled.

When people heard this, some said, “This man just has to be the Prophet.”

Others said, “He’s got to be the Savior we’re waiting for.”

Still others asked, “How could he be the one we’re waiting for if he’s from Galilee? The ancient texts say our Savior will be a descendant of King David from the town of Bethlehem, where David lived.”

There was no consensus on the matter, and some people even wanted to jump him, but no one laid a finger on him.

When the guards reported back to the religious leaders who had sent them to take Jesus into custody, they were asked, “Why didn’t you arrest him?”

The guards replied, “Have you heard this guy? He’s amazing!”

“So he got to you too?” the Pharisees sneered. “Has anyone of any importance bought this bologna? No! But give him an audience of fools and watch out! They’ve been bewitched!”

Nicodemus, the Pharisee who had snuck out one night to speak with Jesus privately, pointed out, “A man is innocent until proven guilty. Shouldn’t we find out what he stands for before we make up our minds about him?”

His colleagues scoffed, “What? Are you from Galilee too? Do your homework, man; there’s no such thing as a prophet from Galilee.”

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The Book of John in Plain English

Suspended Sentence. John 7:53-8:11 The party was over and everyone headed home, but Jesus spent the night on the Mount of Olives. At dawn, he was back in the temple courtyard, gathering a crowd again, so he sat down to teach them.

Right in the middle of his lesson, in came some of the Jewish religious leaders with a woman who had been yanked out of bed, caught red-handed in an extramarital affair. They stood her in front of the group and said to Jesus, “Rabbi, this woman was caught cheating on her husband. The punishment for this crime under the Law of Moses is stoning to death. What do you say to that?” They were posing the question to trap him into saying something they could use against him.

But Jesus played it cool. He bent over and started writing in the dirt with his finger. They kept badgering him for an answer, so he straightened up and said, “Go ahead and stone her; and the person among you who is living a perfect life should be the one to throw the first stone.” Then he went back to his dirt doodling.

Awkward silence ensued, and one by one, starting with the oldest man, they all slinked away. When only the woman remained, Jesus sat upright again and asked her, “Ma’am, what happened to all those people who wanted to do you in? Didn’t anyone punish you?”

“No sir, no one did,” she said.

“Then I won’t either,” Jesus said. “Go on now, and from here on out, live right.”

I’m Just Following Orders. John 8:12-30 After that little interruption, Jesus resumed his teaching, saying, “I’m like a huge flashlight. Walk right behind me and you’ll always be able to see where you’re going.”

The remaining Pharisees in the crowd piped up: “There you go again, tooting your own horn. No one is going to believe someone who brags on himself.”

Jesus replied, “It ain’t braggin’ if it’s true! I know where I came from and I know where I’m going. You, on the other hand, have no clue where I’m from or where I’m going. You’re measuring me against human standards; I’m not measuring you at all. But if I were, I’d be right on the money because I measure against the standards of the one who sent me here, my Father. Listen, your own law states that two corroborating witnesses constitute sufficient evidence. So you’ve got my word, and my Father’s word—two witnesses.”

Then they asked him, “Where is your father?”

“If you knew who I am you wouldn’t have to ask where my Father is,” Jesus replied.

He was teaching close to the place where people deposited their offerings—right in the temple courtyard—even so, no one tried to arrest or detain him because it simply wasn’t time for that to happen yet.

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Good News!

So Jesus continued: “I am going away, and you’ll want to find me, but you’ll die trying. You can’t go where I’m going.”

People asked each other, “Is he going to kill himself? Is that what he means when he says, ‘You can’t go where I’m going’?”

Jesus clarified: “You are land creatures; I am other-worldly. You’re earthlings, I am not. I said you’d die trying to get to me, but to be more precise, if you don’t believe what I’m telling you, you will die in a futile search for me.”

“Who are you?” they asked.

“Just what I have been telling you from the beginning!” Jesus replied. “Man oh man, would I ever love to tell you what’s what. But I’m here on official business and the one who sent me knows what he’s doing, so I will only say what I am authorized to say.”

They really had no clue what he was talking about and what he was trying to explain about his Father. Jesus left it at this: “You are going to understand who I am and that I have been faithful to say only what my Father instructed me to say on the day you lift me up. That’s all I can tell you now. I’m not out here all renegade. The one I represent is right here with me; he’s got my back because he’s always pleased with my performance.”

Strange as it all sounded, a lot of people believed him.

[How about you. Are you believing this?]

Them’s Fightin’ Words! John 8:31-59 Speaking to those in the crowd who were really interested in what he was about, Jesus said, “Living the way I teach you to live is how you become my follower. If you do this, you will know the truth about me and it will set you free.”

But the hecklers started in again: “What do you mean by ‘set us free’? We’ve never been slaves; we’re direct descendants of Abraham.”

Jesus answered, “It’s like this: If you’re not living how God wants you to live, you’re a slave to your lifestyle. You know, slaves aren’t part of the family; they aren’t like sons who can’t ever be removed from the family. So if the Son sets you free, then you’re really free.

“And yes, I know you’re Abraham’s descendants, but here I am telling you things I have seen first-hand from my Father and you are too narrow-minded to believe them. And for this you want to kill me—which is typical of your father!”

“Abraham is our father,” they answered.

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The Book of John in Plain English “If that were true,” said Jesus, “you would act like him. Instead, you have it out for me for delivering a message to you from God. That doesn’t sound like something Abraham would do. Nope, that’s typical of your father.”

“What do you mean ‘your’ father! The only Father we have is God himself,” they protested.

“Oh, please. If God were your Father, you would love me, after all, I’m God’s official rep. I’m here on his business, not mine. Why don’t you get this? Because you can’t. Evil is your daddy, and like father, like son. Your daddy is nothing but a murderer and liar—not a lick of truth in him. Lies come naturally to him; you could say they’re his native tongue. He’s a liar and the father of lies. And that’s why you can’t believe me, because I’m speaking truth, which is a foreign language to you.

“Do you have any proof of anything I’ve done wrong? So then why don’t you believe what I’m telling you? I’ll tell you why. It’s because you can only ‘get’ God if you belong to God. And you can’t ‘get’ him, because you don’t belong to him.”

“See? We told you this guy was a lunatic!” the Jews taunted.

“I’m not crazy.” Jesus replied. “I am just trying to show respect to my Father. But you disrespect me. I don’t need any glory, but there is one who needs it, and he’s the judge. [Deep breath, Jesus.] Listen, I’m telling you as plainly as I know how: Do what I say and you’ll never die.”

“OK, now we know you’re crazy,” the Jews jeered. “Abraham, the prophets and every great person in our past has died, and yet you say all a person has to do is obey you and he’ll live forever. So now you’re better than Abraham! Who do you think you are?”

“If I had appointed myself to this position, it would be ridiculous. But your own God, who is also my Father, appointed me. You don’t know him; I know him. If I even tried to deny knowing him, I’d be a liar like you. I know him and I do what he wants me to do. And you know what? That made Father Abraham really happy. He saw my respect for my Father and celebrated.”

“Oh, so now you’ve seen Abraham! You’re not even 50 years old!” they mocked.

Jesus replied, “Yea, well, even before Abraham was born, I existed!”

That was too much for them; they went nuts and started hurling big rocks at Jesus, but he hid and then slipped away unnoticed from the temple grounds.

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Good News!

I Can See Clearly Now the Mud is Gone.

John 9:1-34 As he went on his way, Jesus noticed a man who was born blind. His followers asked him, “Teacher, is his blindness some sort of cosmic punishment for him, or for his parents?”

“Neither,” said Jesus, “this man was born blind so that God’s power could be seen clearly through him. [Hmph, punny.] Now, come on, we have to make hay while the sun shines. You can’t work in the dark. But not to worry, boys, because while I’m on earth, there’s daylight 24/7.” [Very punny today, Jesus.]

Jesus spat on the ground and mixed his spit with dirt to make mud, which he applied to the man’s eyes. “Go wash that off in the Pool of Siloam,” Jesus instructed. The man did as Jesus told him to, and from there, went home with his vision restored.

People who knew him asked, “Hey, isn’t this the guy who used to sit and beg?” Some people said it was, others said, “No, but he looks a lot like that guy.”

But the man himself insisted, “Yes, it’s me!”

“How was your sight restored?” they asked.

He replied, “This guy named Jesus made some mud and put it on my eyes, then told me to go wash it off in the Pool of Siloam. I did it and now I can see!”

“Where is this man?” they asked him.

“I don’t know,” he said.

The people ushered the formerly blind man to the Pharisees, and they also wanted to know how his vision had been restored. “He put mud on my eyes,” the man told them, “and when I washed it off, I could see.”

Jesus had done this on the Jewish holy day, Saturday, so some of the Pharisees jumped on that, saying, “Oh, this can’t be a God thing because it was done on our holy day, which is against the law.”

But others asked, “How could something so great not be from God?” There was no consensus.

So they asked the formerly blind man, “What do you think? After all, you were the one he healed.”

The man replied, “I’d say he’s a prophet.”

The Pharisees weren’t buying the man’s story, so they sent for his parents. “Is this your son,” they asked, “the one who was born blind? And if it is, how is it that he can see now?”

“That’s our son, all right,” the parents answered, “and he was really born blind. But we have no idea how he can see now, or who restored his vision. Why don’t you ask him, he’s a competent adult; he can speak for himself.”

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The Book of John in Plain English His parents were afraid, because the Jews had already made it known that anyone promoting Jesus as the Savior the Jews would be socially ostracized. That’s why his parents said, “Why don’t you ask him.”

The Pharisees called the man back a second time and tried to strong-arm him: “You better say that God was the one who healed you, because we know this other guy is a fake.”

He replied, “I don’t know about all that. All I know is I was blind but now I can see!”

Then they asked him, “What did he do to you? How did he restore your sight?”

He answered, “I already told you and you didn’t listen. Why do you want to hear it again? Do you want to try it for yourselves and see if it works? What, you wanna become his followers?”

That ticked them off and they started to slam him: “You wanna follow him, not us! We only follow the ways of Moses! Moses got his marching orders directly from God, but who is this guy? He’s got no credentials!”

The man answered, “Wow. Unbelievable. You don’t know the first thing about this guy, but he restored my vision. Try this logic on for size: God doesn’t give evil people the time of day, but he does listen to people who live like he wants us to live. So if he weren’t living right, he wouldn’t have been able to give me sight, something I was born without. Restoring the vision of a person born blind is simply unheard of.”

“Why you, you… You were an evil little baby and that’s why you were born blind! And you have the nerve to lecture us?” they retaliated; and they threw him out.

You’re Pastoral People, Maybe You’ll Understand This. John 9:35 – 10:21 Jesus heard through the grapevine that the man whose sight he restored had been thrown out of the congregation. When he ran across him one day, he asked, “Do you believe in the Son of Man?” “Who would that be?” the man asked. “I’d like to know so I can believe in him if you’re endorsing him.”

Jesus said, “Well, you met once before and you’re speaking to him right now!”

“Oh, I had no idea! I do believe!” and he kneeled down in respect, like unto a king.

Jesus said, “You know, the reason I came to earth was so blind people could be made to see and people who think they are all-seeing would be made blind. It’s a form of judgment.”

Jesus had been keeping company with some Pharisees, and when they heard him say that, they asked, “So what? You mean we’re blind now?”

Jesus replied, “If you were actually blind, no one could hold you accountable, but because you claim to be all-seeing, you’re fully accountable for your wrongdoing. It’s like this, Pharisees, the only way to get into this sheep pen is through the gate. If you sneak in some other way—by climbing over the wall or something—it’s proof you’re there to steal sheep. The sheep’s shepherd enters the pen through the gate, and the gatekeeper 23

Good News! knows to open up for him, and the sheep pay attention to his voice. He calls his own sheep by their names and leads them out to pasture. When all of his sheep are out of the pen, he takes the lead and then they follow him because they recognize his voice. But you can’t get sheep to follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from a stranger because they don’t recognize his voice.”

This was a simple enough analogy, but it went right over the Pharisees’ heads. So Jesus tried again: “OK, let me put it this way: I am the gate of the sheep pen. Everyone else who has ever made this claim before me was a thief and a robber, which is why the sheep didn’t listen to them. But all the sheep who enter through this gate, me, will be spared second death. These sheep can come and go as they please, go eat some grass, whatever they like. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; but my purpose is to give them life, amazingly full life.

“I am not just any shepherd, I am the shepherd, the good shepherd, and the good shepherd would die protecting his sheep. Some Joe you pay to watch the sheep isn’t a shepherd; he doesn’t own the sheep. So when he sees a wolf coming, he heads for the hills and the sheep are on their own. Then the wolf attacks the flock and scatters it. Joe Farmhand takes off because he’s just there for the money and feels no affection or responsibility for the sheep.

“But I am the good shepherd; I know my sheep and my sheep know me— just like the Father knows me and I know the Father—and I will lay down my life for my sheep. And, I have more sheep than this. You could say I’ve got other pens, and I’m going to herd them too. They’re also going to listen to my voice and I’m going to combine all my sheep into one flock for this one shepherd.

“You see, that’s why my Father loves me so much, because I will actually lay down my life for my sheep—but, I will also take it up again. Nobody is going to take my life from me; I have already agreed to lay it down. I can do that, you see, and I can also take it up again. It’s what I came here with orders to do.”

Again, the Jews just couldn’t figure Jesus out. Some said, “This guy is truly nuts. Why are we wasting our time?”

But others said, “Can a lunatic restore vision? This guy’s not nuts, he’s a genius.”

I Can’t Say This Any Clearer: John 10:22-42 The next winter, during the Festival of Dedication at Jerusalem, Jesus was in the temple courts, walking in Solomon’s Colonnade. He had a train of Jews asking, “Why are you keeping us guessing? If you are the Savior of the world that we’re waiting for, why not just say so?”

Jesus answered, “I have, but you don’t believe me. The miracles I’m performing in God’s name should be proof enough, but not for you, because you aren’t my sheep. I know who my sheep are and they listen to me and follow me. My gift to them is to live forever—it’s not possible for some wolf to come along and steal them from me. My Father has given them to me and there’s no one or nothing greater than Him. It’s not possible for anyone to steal them from my Father either. We’re together on this.”

The Jews who wanted to do him in picked up stones to throw at him to kill him, but Jesus said to them, “So now you’re going to pelt me to death with rocks for all the good I’ve done? Which specific miracle are you going to kill me for?”

24

The Book of John in Plain English “The miracles aren’t the problem, it’s the fact that you, a measly man, are claiming to be God. We won’t tolerate such disrespect toward God!” they replied.

Jesus replied, “Even your ancient texts say, ‘I have said you are “gods.”’ If the texts are true—and they are—the writer is calling those who have a word from God ‘gods.’ How much more appropriate then to call someone ‘god’ whom the Father has designated as his very own representative for planet Earth? If you think it’s irreverent for me to say I’m God’s Son, ignore what I say and just pay attention to what I do. You don’t have to believe what I say, but if I’m doing God’s business here on Earth, how can you deny it? It’s proof that God and I are in this together.”

They tried to jump him again, but he got away. He crossed the Jordan River and went back to where John had camped out while he was dunking people, back when Jesus first went public. He stayed there a while and people came out to see him. Their rationale: “John never did any miracles, and we believed him, and he fully endorsed this man.” A lot of people came to Jesus there and believed in him.

Back to Judea? You’re Kidding, Right?

John 11:1-16 There was a man named Lazarus who lived in Bethany with his sisters Martha and Mary (the same woman who poured perfume on our Boss and wiped his feet with her hair). Lazarus was on his deathbed, so the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Boss, your dear friend Lazarus isn’t doing well at all.”

When Jesus got the message, he commented, “He’ll be okay. This is all happening the way it should, and it will demonstrate my divinity.”

Jesus really did love Martha, Mary and Lazarus, so after a couple of days, he told his followers, “We better head back to Judea.”

“But Rabbi,” they said, “do you really want to go back to where the Jews were trying to kill you?”

Jesus replied, “Sun shines for 12 hours a day, doesn’t it? We’ll just go during the day and stay out of trouble that way. Moving around at night is more dangerous because there’s no daylight to keep people honest. You see, our dear friend Lazarus has fallen asleep; so I need to go wake him up.”

His followers replied, “Boss, let him sleep, it can only help.”

They thought Jesus was talking about actual sleep, but he was using it as a euphemism for death. So then he spelled it out for them: “Lazarus is dead, and for your sake, I’m glad I wasn’t there. This is important for you to see. Let’s go.”

Thomas (a.k.a. Didymus) mumbled to the rest of the followers, “Well, let’s go die too.”

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Our God, Moved to Tears. John 11:11-43 When Jesus arrived in Bethany, he learned that Lazarus had been put in a tomb four days earlier. Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, so a lot of their friends from Jerusalem had come to comfort Martha and Mary in the loss of their brother. When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him on the road, but Mary stayed at home.

“Boss,” Martha said to Jesus, “if you had been here, my brother wouldn’t have died. But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask.”

Jesus said to her, “Your brother will come back to life.”

Martha answered, “I know he will come back to life on the last day.”

Jesus said to her, “I give people life after death and those who believe in me will live, even after they die; and when they come back to life, they never die again. Do you believe this?”

“Yes, Sir,” she replied, “I believe that you are the Savior we’ve been waiting for, the Son that God sent to Earth.”

Then she ran off to get Mary. She called her aside and said, “Our teacher is here, and he’s asking for you.”

When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went out to meet Jesus. The friends who had been comforting Mary noticed how quickly she left, so they followed her, thinking maybe she was going to Lazarus’ grave.

Jesus was still just outside the village, where Martha had met him. When Mary reached him, she fell at his feet and said, “Boss, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”

Seeing Mary sob and the tears of all the friends who had come along with her moved Jesus deeply. “Where is his grave?” he asked.

“We’ll show you, sir,” they replied.

Jesus started to cry too, and the others said, “Oh, he really did love him!”

Then someone mumbled, “He restored that man’s vision, couldn’t he have kept Lazarus alive if he had come earlier?”

Jesus, in tears all the way, came to the gravesite. It was a cave with a stone laid across the entrance. “Move the stone,” he said.

“But, Boss,” interjected Martha, “he’s been in there for four days; I’m sure his body will smell terribly.”

Jesus replied, “Martha, didn’t I tell you that if you believe, you will see God’s power in action?”

So they moved the stone. Then Jesus looked up to the sky and said, “Father, thank you for listening to me—I know you always do; I’m just saying this for the benefit of the people standing here, so that they may believe that you sent me to Earth.” Then he called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!”

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The Book of John in Plain English Lazarus came out of the grave, looking like a mummy with his hands, feet and face wrapped in linen bandages.

Jesus said, “Somebody get that stuff off of him so he can breathe and move around.”

Wanted Dead or Alive: Jesus of Nazareth.

John 11:45-57 A lot of the Jews who saw what happened in Bethany believed Jesus was for real, but others went back and ratted on him to the Pharisees. This prompted a meeting of the chief priests and the Pharisees with the Jewish judiciary, the Sanhedrin.

“What are we accomplishing?” they asked. “This man is working miracles left and right. If he keeps on, he’ll have everyone believing in him and then the Romans will come and take away both our temple and our nation.”

Then Caiaphas, the top dog among the priests, piped up, “You idiots! Don’t you realize that it makes more sense for one man to die if it will spare a whole nation?”

To be fair, this wasn’t his original idea. He was actually prophesying that Jesus would die not only for the Jewish nation, but also for all those around the world God has chosen to be his children, to bring them together and make them one.

From that day on they plotted to kill Jesus. He couldn’t move about freely in Judea anymore, so he and his followers retreated to a village called Ephraim, at the edge of the wilderness, and hung out there for a while.

Shortly before the Jewish Passover celebration, people started flooding into Jerusalem to visit the temple and undergo ceremonial cleansing before the celebration. The crowd in the temple courtyard was abuzz with questions about Jesus: “What do you think? Will he come to the festival at all?”

The chief priests and the Pharisees had given orders that anyone with information about Jesus’ whereabouts should report to them so they could arrest him.

Also Wanted, Mostly Dead: Lazarus the Miracle Man. John 12:1-11 Six days before the Passover celebration, Jesus arrived in Bethany, the town where he had raised Lazarus from the dead. He attended a dinner in his honor. Martha, Lazarus and Mary were all there: Martha serving, Lazarus as a guest. Mary sat at Jesus’ feet and at one point took a pint of pure nard, an expensive perfume, and poured it out on Jesus’ feet, then spread it all over his feet with her hair. After that, the whole place smelled like nard.

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Good News!

Judas Iscariot, Jesus’ follower who would later turn traitor, piped up: “That perfume could have been sold to help poor people! That was worth a year’s wages.” Not that he cared about poor people, you see, he was a thief, and ironically, also our treasurer. He routinely helped himself to whatever cash we had on hand.

“Leave her alone,” Jesus replied. “She actually should have saved this perfume for preparing my body for burial.

There will always be poor people, but you won’t always have me.”

Word got around that Jesus was in town and a lot of Jews came out to see him, and to get a glimpse of the man he had raised from the dead. So the chief priests added Lazarus to their hit list because his life was convincing a lot of Jews to believe Jesus was for real.

He Makes Quite an Entrance. John 12:12-19 The next day, rumor spread that Jesus was about to enter Jerusalem. The huge crowd that was there for the celebration cut palm branches and rushed out to meet him. As he passed by them, they shouted, “SAVE US! SAVE US! Long live the new King of Israel, chosen by God himself!”

Someone brought a young donkey to him and Jesus sat on it, fulfilling the ancient text that says, “Don’t be afraid, Zion’s daughter. Don’t you see? You’re King is on his way and he’s riding a donkey colt.” (We didn’t immediately make the connection though, we only pieced that together after Jesus came back to life and then went back to the realm outside time and space.)

This hullabaloo was in large part generated by the people who had been with Jesus when He called Lazarus out of his grave and brought him back to life. They spread the word far and wide, so everyone rushed out to see Jesus.

Meanwhile, the Pharisees grumbled to each other, “You see, we’re getting nowhere! People are swarming him!”

Code Word “Greek.” Time for Action.

John 12:20-36 Some Greeks who were at the celebration for spiritual reasons approached Phillip (the one from Bethsaida in Galilee) and asked, “Sir, would it be possible for us to meet Jesus?”

Phillip passed the word on to Andrew and together they told Jesus about the request.

Jesus replied, “Well, I guess it’s time for the Son of Man to get his due. Listen, you need to understand that unless a seed falls to the ground and dies, it will only ever be a seed. But if it dies on the dirt, then it eventually produces tons more seed just like itself. Worry too much about staying alive, and you’ll end up dead. But if you don’t care whether you live or die on this earth, you can preserve your life for eternity. My true followers actually do what I do and they will also go where I will go. And My Father will honor their service.

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The Book of John in Plain English “I’m pretty disturbed about this, but it’s not like I can say, ‘Father, don’t make me do it!’ when this is the very reason I’m here right now. Father, show your power through me!”

Then a voice from the sky said, “I have shown my power and I’ll show it again.”

The people who heard the voice wondered if they had heard thunder; others said it was the voice of an angel talking to Jesus.

Jesus said, “That voice was for your benefit, not mine. Well, I guess the verdict is in: Time to take out the trash, time to mop the floor with the evil force that has been controlling things down here. I’m about to step up, and when I do, people will flock to me.” (He was giving a rough analogy for the way in which he would die.)

The crowd had questions: “We understand from our ancient texts that the Savior we’re waiting on is supposed to stay with us forever, so what’s all this talk about stepping up and us going where you’re going? And who exactly is this ‘Son of Man’?”

Jesus replied, “It’s daylight for a while longer, so take advantage of it and make some headway before it gets dark. You can’t see where you’re going in the dark. So walk in the light while it’s with you; become light seekers.”

At this, Jesus snuck off by himself for a while.

Anyone Else? Anyone? John 12:37-50 Jesus did so many clearly supernatural things right before their eyes, but some people still wouldn’t believe he could possibly be something other than a man. It’s just like the ancient prophecy of Isaiah said, “Boss, will anyone believe us? Will your strength and power be understood by anyone?”

But really, they couldn’t believe, because, as Isaiah also prophesied, “He has blinded them and made them jaded so they won’t be able to see what’s right before their eyes or understand with their hearts what’s so painfully obvious, or veer off their self-destructive trajectory to let me make them wholly healthy.” Isaiah had a visionary glimpse of Jesus’ power and divinity, and that’s why he wrote about him all those years ago.

On the other hand, there were others, even among the Jewish religious leadership, who did believe Jesus, but they just wouldn’t openly acknowledge it for fear of being excommunicated from the synagogue. They cared more about what people thought of them than about what God might be thinking of them.

In a final appeal, Jesus cried out: “If you believe me, you believe the one I represent. You see me; you see the one who sent me. My mission was to enlighten anyone who might believe in me, so you won’t be in the dark anymore. But if you’ve been listening all this time and you still aren’t on board, well… I’m not here to judge you.

I didn’t come for that; I came to save the world. Someone else is going to judge those of you who aren’t convinced by what I’ve done and what I’ve said. In fact, my very words will be the evidence used to judge and condemn you on the last day of time, because I’ve only been saying what I was sent here to say—every word of it was from the Father. The orders he gave me mean life for you—life for all eternity. Everything I have said is exactly what the Father told me to say.”

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A New Leadership Paradigm. John 13:1-30 It was just before the Passover Festival began, and Jesus knew that it was time for him to leave Earth and go back to the Father. During his entire ministry he had loved his followers well and continued that love right up to the very end. He knew that he was in control of everything; he knew where he was from and where he was going.

Before we gathered for dinner that night, an evil angel had convinced Judas (Simon Iscariot’s son) to turn Jesus in for money.

We were in the middle of supper when Jesus got up from the table, took off his shirt and wrapped a towel around his waist. Then he poured water into a basin and started washing his followers’ feet, drying them with the towel around his waist.

When he came to Simon Peter, Peter said, “Boss, do you really think I’m going to let you wash my feet?”

Jesus answered, “I know, seems crazy, but you’ll understand later on.”

“No way,” said Peter, “there’s no way you’re washing my feet.”

Jesus answered, “If I don’t wash your feet, you and I are finished.”

Simon Peter replied, “Well, Boss, if it’s like that, don’t stop with my feet, wash my hands and head too!”

Jesus answered, “Peter, did you take a bath today? Then all we need to do is get the grime off your feet. Besides, my followers are always clean. Well, not all of you…” You see, Jesus knew which of his followers was going to turn on him, and that’s what he was referring to when he said not everyone was clean.

After he finished, he sat down and asked, “Any idea what just happened here? You call me ‘boss,’ ‘teacher,’ ‘master,’ yadda yadda, and that is exactly what I am to you. So if your master will perform for you the most menial hygienic service which we allow another person to do for us, is there any reason why you shouldn’t do this kind of thing for each other? I did this to set a precedence for you to do likewise. Are any of you better than I am that you can’t do this kind of thing? Is there such a thing as a disciple who is greater than his teacher? Of course not. You know that, so just do it—any and every kind of service that any brother needs.

Serving each other in even the most humbling ways will give you a deep sense of contentment. That is, if I’ve chosen you. I’m not actually referring to all of you, because the ancient text that says, ‘I even dined with the one who turned on me,’ has to be fulfilled. I’m telling you all of this before it happens, so that when it does happen, it will shore up your confidence in me. Listen, you’ve got to believe me. If you accept me, you accept the one who sent me. Likewise, whoever accepts my representatives will also be accepting me.”

After he said this, he got visibly upset and finally admitted, “The truth is, one of you is going to betray me.”

We all looked around at each other, wondering who it could be. Simon Peter called me to the side and said, “You’re one of his favorites, ask him who he’s talking about.”

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The Book of John in Plain English So I edged up to Jesus on his recliner and said, “Boss, who is it?”

Jesus answered, “I’m going to dip this bread in the dish and hand it to the one who’s going to turn on me.” He took a piece of bread, dipped it and handed it to Judas Iscariot. At the very moment Judas took the bread, the evil angel Satan possessed him.

Jesus told him, “Get going; do what you’re going to do.”

We had no idea why Jesus said this to him, but we thought it might have had something to do with shopping for things we needed for our festival celebration, or maybe he was supposed to give something to some poor person. But just as soon as Judas took the bread, he left. It was already dark out.

Here’s What’s Going to Happen.

John 13:31-John 14 After Judas left, Jesus said, “Well, it’s time for me to do the job God sent me to do. And when it’s done, it will immediately launch me to universal acclaim.

“Guys, I can’t stay much longer. And just like I told the Jewish leaders, you’re going to look for me, but you won’t be able to go where I’m going.

“I haven’t told you this before, but you must love each other. Like I’ve loved you, love each other just like that.

This is what will distinguish you as my followers—your love for each other.”

Simon Peter asked, “Boss, please tell us where you’re going.”

Jesus replied, “Doesn’t matter; you can’t go with me. But you will follow later.”

Peter asked, “Boss, why can’t I follow you now? I would follow you to my death!”

Jesus answered, “Would you really? The fact of the matter is that before you hear the rooster tomorrow morning, you’ll disown me three times!

“It’s okay though, don’t worry about it. You believe in God; then trust me. My Father’s house is huge. I wouldn’t joke about a thing like this. I’m going to get rooms ready for you, and if I’m going with that purpose, you can bet I’ll be back to take you home with me. You will know how to get to where I’m going.”

Thomas said, “Boss, we don’t know where you’re going, so how will we know the way?”

Jesus answered, “I’m the way. I’m truth and I’m life. The only way to get to the Father is by way of me. If you really know me, you will know my Father as well. From now on, you do know him and you’ve seen him.”

Philip said, “Boss, all we really want is to see the Father.”

Jesus answered: “After all the time I’ve spent with you, don’t you recognize me, Philip? If you’ve seen me, you’ve seen the Father. How can you say, ‘We want to see the Father’? Don’t you believe that to know me is to 31

Good News! know the Father and vice versa? I’ve never said one word on my own authority. The Father lives in me, says what he wants to say, and does what he wants to do. If you can’t believe me when I say to know me is to know the Father, you should at least believe your eyes—all the supernatural evidence you’ve seen. And if you would just believe, you’ll be able to do everything I’ve done, and then some! I’m going to be with the Father and anything that you ask as my representatives that will cause the Father to be better known through me, I will see to it that it happens.

“If you love me, you’ll do what I’m telling you to do.

“I’m going to ask the Father to send you another helper to be with you—someone who will never leave. That helper is the Spirit of Truth. Only you will be able to discern his existence and understand him; everyone else just won’t get it. But you’ll know he’s there because he’s going to live with you—in you, in fact.

“I wouldn’t think of just abandoning you like orphans. I’m coming back. Pretty soon, I’m going to be gone, for all intents and purposes. No one will be able to see me anymore, except you. You will see me again—alive. And that will be the guarantee of your own life. When we meet again, you’re going to realize that we’re all in this together—the Father and me together, and you and me together. And this will be true for everyone who loves me, the people who live like I have instructed them to live. If you love me, my Father will love you, and I’ll love you too and you’ll know for certain that I’m alive.”

Then Judas (another Judas, not Judas Iscariot) said, “But, Boss, why will we be able to see you but nobody else will?”

Jesus replied, “The people who really love me are those who live like I’ve instructed them to live. And those are the ones My Father loves, and when we come back here to live, it’s those people we’ll be coming back for.

Everyone else doesn’t love me, which is why they don’t pay a bit of attention to my teachings. Remember, everything I’m telling you is straight from the Father, who I represent.

“So, I’ve told you all of this, but the helper, that Spirit that the Father is going to send later to represent me, will continue to teach you and will also remind you of everything I’m telling you now.

“I want to give you a special gift now, and that’s peace of mind. I possess it and I’m going to leave it with you.

It’s nothing you can sit on a shelf or anything, but it’s better than any gift you could ever give each other. So don’t be afraid, and set your minds and hearts at ease. I’ve just told you, ‘I am going away and I am coming back to you.’ If you really love me, you would be happy for me that I get to go to the Father—the Father is just plain awesome, tons more than I am. You know everything that’s going to happen in advance, so that when it does happen, it will just shore up your confidence in me. I can’t say too much more because the ruler of Earth is on his way. He’s no threat to me, but he has a job to do. He’s going to make it apparent to the whole world that, above all else, I love my Father and do exactly what he tells me to do.

“We gotta get going.”

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The Book of John in Plain English

The Vine and the Branches. John 15:1-17 [Apparently Jesus had a bit more to say before they actually left the building. Or maybe he talked as they walked?]

“I’m like the vine and my Father is the gardener. If there’s a branch on this vine that isn’t producing fruit, he cuts it off. Even the branches that do produce fruit he prunes so they will give even more fruit. You don’t need to worry about whether you’re a branch; I’ve already spoken to that. So now you just need to stay on the vine.

You have to stay connected to the vine if you want to produce fruit. Likewise, you have to stay connected to me if you want your lives to be productive.

“I’m the vine, you’re the branches. Stay connected to me and I’ll stay connected to you and then you’ll be highly productive. If you disconnect, you won’t be able to produce anything. If you disconnect, you’ll wither; you’ll be garbage—fodder for the fire. If you stay connected and continue to follow my instructions, you can literally ask whatever you want and you’ll have it. Why? Because when you produce fruit, you demonstrate my Father’s greatness and prove you’re my followers.

“Just like the Father loves me, I love you. Now stay connected to that love. You do that by living the way I’ve instructed you to live, just like I have lived according to my Father’s instructions and, therefore, remain connected to his love. The reason I’m telling you all this is because I want you to know the joy I know—complete and utter joy. That’s why I insist that you love each other in the same way I have loved you.

And there’s no greater expression of love for a friend than to give up your life for him.

“Note I’m not calling you students or apprentices anymore. Those terms don’t apply anymore because students and apprentices don’t know the inner workings of the teacher or boss. Instead, I’m calling you friends—if you will live according to my instructions. We’re friends because I have shared everything that I learned from my Father with you. You didn’t choose me; I chose you; and your assignment is to live a productive life. Bear fruit that will endure—that way whatever you ask as my representative the Father will grant it. But, you must love each other; that’s non-negotiable.”

And it Gets Worse: John 15:18-16:15 “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first. If you were one of them, they would naturally love you, but you’re not. I’ve hand-picked you for a life outside this world, and because of that fact, the world hates you. Remember how I told you that an apprentice isn’t greater than his boss? Well, if they mistreated me, they’re going to mistreat you too. If they had ever paid attention to my teachings, they would pay attention to yours too. But they won’t, and it’s all because they have no idea who I really am—who I represent.

“I could have stayed away and they wouldn’t have known any better. But now that I’ve been here, there’s no excuse for their ignorance. Now that I’ve done things in their presence that were clearly supernatural, they are without an excuse for their disbelief, and so they hate me. Hate me, hate my father; and they have. But this is exactly what is supposed to happen; it fulfills the prophecy in their ancient texts that says, ‘They had no reason to hate me.’

“When the Spirit of truth comes, the one I’m going to send to you when I reach the Father (because the Spirit of truth has to come from the Father), he’ll continue to convince others about me. And you need to do this as well, since you’ve been with me from the start.

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Good News!

“I’m telling you all of this so that you’ll keep the faith, because they are going to do all kinds of things to you to get you to try to give up. You’ll be thrown out of the synagogue congregation, and worse. It’s going to get so bad that they’ll be convinced that if they kill one of you, they are actually doing God a favor. And it’s all because they’re ignorant of the Father and me. I’m telling you this so that when all this goes down, you’ll be prepared for it. I didn’t tell you before because I’ve been here with you from the start, but now I have to report back to the one who sent me.

[Awkward silence. Blink.blink.]

“Nobody’s concerned where I’m going anymore, are they? Now you’re overwhelmed with the news of what’s going to happen to you. But the fact is, it’s for your good that I’m going away. If I didn’t go, I wouldn’t be able to send the Helper to you. But I am going and I will send him. When he comes, he’s going to prove that the world was wrong about so many things: wrongdoing, justice and judgment. They thought I was in the wrong, but they’ll understand differently; they think my death is justice for that wrongdoing, but it’s actually just a way for me to return to the Father. And they thought I stood condemned and got what I deserved, but the one who really stands condemned is the ruler of this world.

“There’s so much more I could tell you, but you wouldn’t be able to handle it. But when the Spirit of truth comes, he will slowly reveal the whole truth to you. And don’t think he’s renegade, saying whatever he wants—no! He speaks only what he hears. He’s in my corner because everything he reveals to you comes straight from me. You see everything that belongs to the Father is mine too, which is how I can use the Spirit to send direct messages from me to you.”

Wait, what are we talking about?

John 16:16-33 Jesus went on to say, “In a little while, I’m going away, and then after a little while, I’ll come back.”

At yet another mention of going away, the followers mumbled to each other, “What does he mean when he says he’ll go away then come back, and ‘I’m going to my Father’? What’s ‘a little while’? Does anyone have a clue what he’s really trying to tell us?”

Jesus noted their confusion, so he said to them, “Are you asking one another what I mean by “in a little while, I’m going away, and then after a little while, I’ll come back’? Believe me when I tell you, that you will be the only ones crying over this. Everyone else is going to be relieved and celebrating. But then your grief will turn into joy. You know how when a woman is in labor she experiences increasing pain just before the baby is born, but then after the baby is born she forgets all about the pain because of how happy she is that she’s brought a baby into the world? That’s how it’s going to be for you. It’s your turn to experience pain, but when I see you again, then you’ll be happy—a sort of happiness that no one can take from you.

“And when that happens, you won’t have any more questions. The fact of the matter is the Father will give you anything you ask for as my representatives. Up until now, you haven’t asked for anything as my representatives.

But you can ask, you will get what you need, and you’ll be completely content.

“You know I’ve been using a lot of analogies, but pretty soon I won’t need to speak with literary devices. I’ll be able to give you the plain facts about my Father. That’s the day you’ll become my representatives. But don’t 34

The Book of John in Plain English think you have to go through me to get to the Father. No, the Father himself loves you because of how you have loved me and accepted that I am his representative. I came from where he is to the Earth, but now I’m leaving the Earth and going back to where he is.”

“Oh, okay, now we get it,” the followers answered. “Obviously, you know everything there is to know, and we are on a need-to-know basis. And that would make sense for someone who comes from God.” “Do you really believe that?” Jesus replied. “Well, pretty soon you’re all going to desert me and scurry back to your own homes. But that’s OK. I’m not alone; my Father is with me.

“Listen, I’ve just tried to tell you all this so you won’t worry. Instead you can be at peace by remembering what I’ve said. The world is one problem after another, but don’t worry! I have risen above all that.”

Father, I’m Ready to be Restored to Greatness: John 17 Then Jesus looked up to the sky and said: “Father, it’s time. Make me great, so I can prove your greatness.

You’ve given me authority over all humanity so that those you’ve given me might live forever. Eternal life is just this: knowing you, the only true God, and me, your representative. I’ve represented you well here on Earth by completing all my assignments. And now, Father, make me great again in front of you, with the same greatness I possessed even before we set planet Earth in motion.

“I’ve revealed you to the people on Earth that you gave me. They were yours and you gave them to me, and they’ve followed your instructions. They understand now that everything I have comes from you. I told them just what you told me to tell them, and they accepted it. They are sure that I am your representative—sent here on special assignment. I would like to make some requests on their behalf. Not all humans, though, just the ones you gave me, the ones that are yours. You and I share them in common. I have been honored by the high esteem in which they hold me.

“You know I can’t stay here with them, but they don’t have any choice but to stay here, while I come back to you. Good and right Father, in the same way I belong to you, protect them too so we can all belong to you together. While I was with them, I protected them and kept them safe with my power as your representative.

The only one that didn’t make it was the one who was destined to self-destruct so that the ancient texts would be fulfilled.

“I’ll be with you soon, but I just wanted to say these things while I am still on Earth, so my followers can be completely content. I told them what you wanted me to tell them, and consequently the world hates them because they don’t belong to the world anymore than I ever did. I’m not asking you to remove them from Earth but just protect them from the evil in it. They don’t belong here and neither do I! Set them apart through the truth in your instructions. I’m sending them now as representatives, just like you sent me. I set myself apart so they could also be truly set apart.

“And there are others who will believe in me as a result of these representatives. I ask that all of them can also be a part of us. Let them belong to us so the world can accept that you actually sent me here. I have passed on to them the same authority that you gave me, so they can belong fully to us—that mutual possession and 35

Good News! belonging—this is the complete union I want for them. It will make the world acknowledge that I was here on your business and that you love these representatives just like you loved me.

“Father, I want all of the ones you’ve given me to be able to see where I’m going and see how great I really am—the magnificence with which you endowed me even before Earth was created, because you loved me.

Good and right Father, these humans don’t know you, but I know you, and they accept that I am your representative. I have demonstrated to them who you are, and I will keep on so that they can embody the love you have for me, and even embody me.”

You’re Under Arrest: John 18:1-12a When he had finished praying, Jesus and his followers crossed the Kidron Valley and entered a garden there.

They frequented this place, so Judas (the traitor) knew where to find them. Judas rolled in with a detachment of soldiers along with some of the top dogs among the priests and Pharisees. They had torches, lanterns and weapons in hand.

Fully aware of what was going down, Jesus met them and asked, “Who are you looking for?”

“Jesus of Nazareth,” they replied. Judas was right there with them.

“That’s me,” Jesus said.

At this, they retreated and hunkered down.

He asked them again, “Who are you looking for?”

“Jesus of Nazareth,” they said.

Jesus answered, “I told you, that’s me. If it’s me you want, let all the rest of these guys go.” This is how the ancient text was fulfilled that said, “I didn’t lose any of my men.”

Then Simon Peter, who was carrying a sword, drew it and cut off the ear of a man named Malchus, a servant of the high priest.

Jesus commanded, “Put that thing away! Should I refuse to finish my assignment?”

The detachment of soldiers, its commander and the Jewish officials arrested Jesus.

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The Book of John in Plain English

Peter the Poser. John 18:12b-27 They tied Jesus’ hands and took him first to the former high priest Annas. He was the father-in-law of Caiaphas, the one who had said earlier that it made more sense for one man to die to spare a whole nation.

Simon Peter and I trailed along. Because I was personally acquainted with the high priest, I got to go into the courtyard where they had taken Jesus, but Simon Peter had to wait outside. I went back and spoke to the girl on duty at the door and she let Peter in.

But then she asked him, “Hey, aren't you one of this man’s followers?”

He replied, “Who, me? No…no.”

It was cold, so the servants and officials stood around a fire they had made to stay warm. Peter stood there with them, warming himself too.

Meanwhile, the high priest interrogated Jesus about what he taught and about his followers.

Jesus replied, “I have been accessible to everyone. I taught all the time in the synagogues or at the temple, where all the Jews meet. I haven’t done anything clandestine. Why are you interrogating me? Why don’t you ask anyone who ever heard me speak? I’m sure they could tell you what I said.”

One of the officials standing next to Jesus slapped him in the face and railed, “Is that any way to answer the high priest?”

“What? Was something I said inaccurate?” Jesus replied, “If so, what? And if not, then why did you hit me?”

Then Annas told them to slap the cuffs on him and send him to Caiaphas, the actual high priest.

While all of this was going on, Simon Peter was still warming himself by the fire when someone asked, “Hey, aren’t you one of his disciples?”

He denied it, saying, “Heck, no!”

But a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off piped up and said, “But you were with him in the garden—I saw you, didn’t I?” Again, Peter denied he knew Jesus personally, and at just that moment, a rooster began to crow.

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Good News!

You Wouldn’t Know the Truth if it Were Staring You in the Face. John 18:28-38a After Caiaphas was finished with him, the Jewish officials took Jesus to the palace of the Roman governor. It was early morning on Passover day. Entering the palace, which they considered to be pagan, would preclude them from being able to eat the Passover meal, so they didn’t want to go in. Instead, the Roman Prefect, Pontius Pilate, came out to them and asked, “What are the charges against this man?”

They replied, “Well, he’s a criminal, of course! Would we bring him to you if he weren’t a criminal?”

Pilate responded, “Why don’t you judge him under your judicial system?”

“Because we can’t impose the death penalty on anyone,” they explained. (Recall that Jesus predicted he would be executed.)

Pilate went back inside the palace and had Jesus brought to him. He asked him, “Are you the king of the Jews?”

“Is that your idea,” Jesus asked, “or did someone tell you about me?”

“What, am I a Jew?” Pilate replied. “Your own people and chief priests handed you over to me. What’s your crime?”

Jesus said, “I don’t have any kingdom on earth. If I ruled some earthly kingdom, wouldn’t someone be fighting to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders? No. My kingdom is from another place.”

“Oh, so you are a king!” said Pilate.

Jesus answered, “Those were your words. Listen, my purpose in life is to prove the truth. And advocates of the truth hear what I have to say.”

“What is truth?” retorted Pilate.

How Did a Lily-Livered Man like you Rise to Prefect? John 18:38b – 19:16 Pilate went back out to the crowd of Jews and said, “I don’t see any reason to press charges here. But there is that Passover custom where I release a prisoner. Do you want me to release your ‘king of the Jews’?”

“No!” They shouted. “Don’t release him. Release Barabbas!” Barabbas was a rebel who had been arrested for taking part in an uprising against Rome.

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The Book of John in Plain English So Pilate took Jesus and had him beaten. The soldiers who beat him also wove together a crown of thorns and put it on his head. They hung a purple robe around him and mocked him, saying, “All hail the king of the Jews!” And they slapped him in the face.

Then Pilate went back out to the crowd and said, “Look, I don’t find any reason to press charges, so I’m turning him back over to you.” Jesus came out at that moment dressed in the crown of thorns and purple robe, and Pilate announced, “Here you go, all yours.”

But the Jewish leaders started shouting, “Execute him! Nail him to a cross!”

Pilate answered back, “You hang him on a cross. I already told you I don’t have any reason to press charges.”

The Jewish leaders pressed him: “There is a reason! He’s broken our law by claiming to be the Son of God. And that’s punishable by death.”

This news shook Pilate up and he went back inside the palace. He questioned Jesus again: “Where are you from?” Jesus didn’t answer. “Are you refusing to speak to me? Don’t you realize it’s in my power to free you or to execute you?”

Jesus answered, “Any power you have over me has been granted you from a higher authority. It’s those guys outside who turned me in who bear the greater guilt.”

From that point on, Pilate really wanted to release Jesus, but the Jewish leaders kept shouting, “He’s claiming to be king and that makes him an enemy to Caesar. If you let him go, then you’re an enemy to Caesar too.”

Finally Pilate brought Jesus out to the crowd and then he sat down on the judge’s seat, which was called the Stone Pavement (Gabbatha in Aramaic). It was about noon on the Preparation Day of the Passover. “Here’s your king,” Pilate announced.

The Jews shouted back, “We don’t want him! You take him! Hang him on a cross!

“You want me to execute your king by hanging him on a cross?” Pilate asked.

“Caesar is our only king,” the priests called back.

Finally, Pilate gave the OK to have him executed by hanging on a cross.

King of the Jews. John 19:16b-24 The soldiers took charge of Jesus. They made him carry his own cross out to the place of the Skull (Golgotha in Aramaic), where they nailed him to the cross and hung him there until he was dead. He was in the middle of two other men also being crucified.

Pilate had made a sign to be fastened to Jesus’ cross. It read: JESUS OF NAZARETH, THE KING OF THE JEWS. Golgotha was near the city so a lot of people came by and saw the message, which Pilate had translated into Aramaic, Latin and Greek. The top Jewish priests complained to Pilate, saying, “You should write that he claimed to be the king of the Jews, not that he is the king of the Jews.”

Pilate replied, “What I wrote stands.”

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Good News!

The soldiers who placed Jesus on the cross took his clothes and divided them four ways, one piece for each of them. One seamless, woven undergarment was left.

“We shouldn’t tear it,” they agreed. “Let’s draw straws to see who gets it.”

So they did, and in doing so, fulfilled the ancient prophecy that said, “They divided my clothes among them and then drew straws for my underwear.”

Laid to Rest. John 19:38-42 Joseph of Arimathea approached Pilate after Jesus died and asked to take charge of Jesus’ body. (Joseph had been a follower of Jesus, but he kept it on the down-low because he feared the Jewish leaders.) Pilate granted his request and Joseph took the body away. Nicodemus, the man who had sought out Jesus at night, was with Joseph. Nicodemus brought about 75 pounds of myrrh and aloes mixed together. They took Jesus’ body, wrapped it, with the spices, in strips of linen. This was the customary way Jews prepared a body for burial.

There was a burial garden near Golgotha that had a new, unused tomb. They were in a hurry because of the special Sabbath, so they laid Jesus in that nearby tomb.

What’s the Matter, Miss? John 20:1-18 Before the sun came up on Sunday morning, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she ran to find Simon Peter and me, and reported, “Jesus is gone! Someone took him and now we have no idea where he is!”

So Peter and I took off running for the tomb, but I outran Peter and got there first. I bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there, but I didn’t go into the tomb. Peter ran up behind me and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen too, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen. I finally went inside too and saw that the body was gone. We knew now that Mary was telling the truth, but we still didn’t understand what the ancient texts had instructed: that Jesus had to come back from the dead.

We went back to our lodging. But Mary stayed at the tomb, crying. As she cried, she bent over and peered into the tomb and saw two angels dressed in white, sitting where Jesus’ body had been, one where the feet had been, one where the head had been.

They asked her, “What’s the matter, Miss?”

“Someone took our leader and now we have no idea where he is.” Then she turned and saw someone standing near her. It was Jesus, but she didn’t recognize him at first.

He asked her, “What’s the matter, Miss? Who are you looking for?”

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The Book of John in Plain English Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you took him somewhere, please tell me where, so I can go get him.”

Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned to look right at him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).

Jesus said, “Wait, Mary, you can’t touch me, I haven’t gone up to the Father yet. Why don’t you go tell my brothers I said, ‘I’m going to see my Father and your Father, my God and your God.’” Mary hurried off to find the other followers and tell them the news: “I saw Jesus!” And she told them everything he said.

Blowing More Than Hot Air: John 20:19-23 That very night Jesus’ followers were gathered behind locked doors for fear of the Jews. Somehow Jesus was all of a sudden there, just hanging out with them. He said, “Hey, how’s it going?” Then he showed them the wounds on his hands and his side. Jesus’ followers were beside themselves when they saw Jesus.

He asked them again, “So, what’s up, how’ve you been?” Then he said, “Just like I came as a representative, I’m going to send you out as my representatives.” He then blew breath on us all and said, “Here’s the Holy Spirit for you. Now, if you pardon anyone of his ugly deeds, he will be covered. If you determine he shouldn’t be pardoned, then he won’t be.”

The Trick is to Believe without Seeing.

John 20:24-31 One of the 12 main followers, a man named Thomas, a.k.a. the Twin, wasn’t with us when Jesus came that first time. The other followers told him, “Our boss was here!”

But he replied, “Unless I see and touch the nail marks in his hands and his side, I will never believe.”

Eight days later, his followers were all together again in one place, and this time Thomas was with us. The doors were locked, but again somehow Jesus was all of a sudden standing there with us.

He said, “How’s it going?” Then to Thomas: “Ok, Thomas, here’s the proof you need. See and feel the nail prints in my hands and my side. You need to stop doubting and start believing.”

Thomas replied, “Boss! Or I should say, God!”

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Good News!

Jesus said, “Oh, so now that you’ve seen me you believe? Well, amazing things await for people who can believe sight unseen.”

There’s so much more to this story—so many more things Jesus did, supernatural things, right before our eyes.

I couldn’t possibly put them all in one book, but I went to the effort of writing this much down so that you, the reader, might be one of those who believes in Jesus as the representative and Son of God—sight unseen—and that the belief might cause you to live the way He instructed us.

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The Book of John in Plain English

Afterword Did you notice all the times Jesus said he was under orders from God? Forty-seven times in the New International Version which I used as the basis for this paraphrase. Perfect obedience was His secret to oneness with God the Father. That’s a central theme in this report from John.

The other main theme is that we are invited to participate in this oneness on similar terms as Jesus—the Son of God. The good news (or gospel) that John reports is that we can also be sons and daughters of the Creator of the Universe. This is the very reason Jesus was sent to Earth—to issue the invitation and bridge the gap between us and God to make that possible.

If at this very moment, you believe that being a child of God is possible, you have what it takes to be one. That belief is what we call faith and faith is a gift from God to his children. If you believe it and are determined to keep believing it, that’s the first step in the journey of a thousand miles that ends with oneness with God. If you will make the belief that you’re a child of God the life-long, guiding principle that informs your decisions and conduct, then the vast majority of the steps in your journey will bring you in closer relationship with God. Everything you’ve read here is nuts to people who have not received the gift of faith. There is no making sense to this without faith. But if, despite scientific, philosophical and rational arguments to the contrary, something in Jesus’ words resonated in your heart and mind… determine to believe it.

P.S. Your next step should be getting ahold of a copy of the book this story came from. It’s called the New Testament which is part of the Bible. Find the book of John in the New Testament and re-read it, then keep going with the rest of the book and see where you end up. Worth a try, don’t you think?

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