FRIENDS with DIGNITY Blog Post #1 – An Introduction to me, Donna Flockhart Mother, daughter, sister, wife! Lover of Life Advocate, Ambassador, and Advisor for those navigating CTPS 03.09.2016 Hi there! I am very honoured and excited to have been invited by Manuela Whitford, the inspirational founder of this life changing foundation, to be the Guest Blogger for Friends with Dignity and to create the upcoming series of blogs. I shall blog about my journey, my experiences, my learning, my studies, my therapies and therapists, the tools I have used, friends – the all weather ones mostly, being a parent and being a parent with CPTS, my highs and very low lows. I shall blog about the reality that has been mine during my CPTS challenge. And boy, what a challenge it has been. MY WHY, the reason I am doing all that I do, is to see every child on this planet honoured in all ways and that includes that –
every child is loved unconditionally every child is treated with absolute respect every child feels, and is, safe in their environments – family, school, sports, community and any other every child is heard, seen, and acknowledged every child has his and her passions supported every child has his and her individuality and way of being acknowledged and supported every child is encouraged to dream big and to follow their dreams, and every child has the opportunity to live a life in the moment and in FUN!
And we are all children! I can listen to those who wish to say it is impossible. I choose to do it anyway.
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Anything less means continuing to live in fear and endorsing that for children, and families. The last bullet point is directly from my gorgeous gift from the Universe to love and guide through his life, my 8 year old son. He gave that response when asked what he thinks it is that children need more of in life that they currently don’t have, or don’t have enough of. His instant response was FUN! I totally get that from my own life experience. Also, life has become far too serious in the western world, and far too regimented, leaving children little time to be children, to learn about life, to learn about themselves and to develop organically. And that includes big children. With a Mum and Dad who have lived their lives to date working far too much, our enormously and unconditionally loved only child craves more fun. Particularly as he has an amazing sense of humour and a very active and inventive imagination that craves expression in ways that work for him. I have always been active around ensuring FUN was incorporated into our lives. It has been. With so much work, however, there could have been a lot more. And FUN does not look like anything associated with CPTS. Not yet anyway. The fun will be in living the dream and all of the steps associated with that. A choice I have now made is to create a life for us where work is something that we love. As we all know – when we love what we do, we never work a day in our lives. That is my choice. Writing and sharing the knowledge I have, and the wisdom I have learned, is a part of that. I love to help others to help themselves – and there are so many ways to do that. Thank you again, Manuela, for providing this forum to assist in facilitating my doing exactly that. I’d like to include here my TEDxSouthBank2016 #ChallengeAccepted, which I created at the event during a break on the gorgeous Queensland Terrace at the State Library of Queensland on 27 February this year.
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I was honoured and privileged to fulfill the role of Advocate at the TEDxSouthBank event this year and my #ChallengeAccepted is –
“To collaboratively create social and cultural change to honour children and improve communities.” That is my DO, my ACTION, my DREAM! And I am asking everyone who feels drawn to help to take the step and do so. One of the ways I can do that is by writing blogs and sharing information, including here on behalf of FRIENDS with DIGNITY. Other ways include creating a foundation to collaborate with others to achieve the dream, to speak and present at events, conferences, in schools, and in community groups to share more of the information our communities so greatly need to help us and them to support those in their communities to live beautiful lives. A big welcome to you and my hope is that by sharing parts of my story, and lots of the information I have researched and learned along the way, then you and those you know and love may benefit. That benefit may be having a better understanding of CPTS and how it is associated with, and often created by, Domestic Violence. It may be that you find new resources for you to understand your personal journey, or that of someone you know and love, and to be more compassionate around CPTS. Compassion, understanding, and non judgmental support are integral components of healing through CPTS. And YES! We can heal. life sentence.
CTPS is no longer considered a
My personal experiences of, and exposure to, Domestic Violence started in utero. Yes, before I was born. We can be born with CTPS and PTS. Advances in neuroscience are unlocking the keys to understanding many conditions, and they continue to demystify many previously highly misunderstood health myths, and behavioural challenges, including CPTS.
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I am Donna Flockhart and I am an Advocate, Ambassador, and Advisor for anyone navigating the mountainous, rocky, and very challenging terrain that accompanies Complex Post Traumatic Stress (CPTS). It includes paths that I have walked, run, fallen on, been battered and bruised, and where I have often found my Self lost, alone, and in chronic states of fear. I have not yet left that land of fear quite yet. I am definitely near the exit sign shining brightly, like a Hollywood billboard, above the gate through which I shall pass to exit forever, and enter my lifestyle retreat – living the life I love. It is the Finish Line of a very long marathon and I can see it clearly. I can feel it and it feels awesome. It is freedom! I have learned a lot about how I travelled to the land of CTPS, how my behaviours are my body, mind, and soul’s way of protecting me. How it is the subconscious (or higher) brain in control. It is not at all logical from a standard conscious brain perspective. I have learned to not beat my Self up – that used to be a constant activity. I have learned that self love is the key to healing. I am learning how to do that well. I wish to help you to learn that too. To create self nurturing new habits and behaviours. Something as simple as remembering Mike Dooley’s brilliant quote – “Thoughts become things, so choose the good ones”, and start creating the life you wish to live and love. I wish to help you understand that, “This is not your fault!” That was the line that shifted me from a place of crazy to a place of knowing that “It’s just a moment, - albeit a very long one - this too shall pass”, just like the lyrics of the U2 song ‘Stuck in a Moment you can’t get out of’. Ironically and interestingly, that song, which was written by Bono, is based on his anger and distress over not being there for a dear friend in need, a mate he lost to suicide. He holds friendship very sacred. The song is the argument, he uses the term ‘row’, that he didn’t have with his mate while he was alive. It was the esteemed Australian, Gary Johnston, who diagnosed me after much paperwork was completed. It was Gary Johnston who said, “This is not your fault. Some
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horrible people have done some horrible things to you and now it’s time to heal that. And you will. It’s not a life sentence.” With those words, Gary released me from a part of the CPTS trap and I have since been navigating my permanent retreat from its realms. That navigation has taken me through many doors, sessions with many and varied practitioners and therapists, and down many harrowing paths, including nearly breaking up my marriage and little family. Not just once, but many times. I was not going to allow it to take that from me and take a mother from a child. That action alone can be the trigger trauma to start the development of CPTS. I refused, through all of the fog, to allow that to happen. I thank the Universe for us being together as a family. I thank my husband for his part in this journey. I honour my son for being the beautiful soul that he is. Thank you Gary Johnston. I shall eleaborate on this section in future posts, however, start the discussion here. This is not a scare or fear driven piece of information, it is simply to create awareness around cross over symptoms that CPTS shares with many other conditions. Due to the cross over, over lapping, or shared symptoms, obtaining a correct diagnosis can often be a challenge. CPTS symptoms are extensive and may include –
Stress Insomnia Irritable Bowel Anxiety Hyper vigilance Bipolar Obsessive Compulsive Perfectionism, Eating challenges (anorexia, bulimia, and more),and Depression.
I was diagnosed with a number of the symptoms long before my correct diagnosis. The difference in time was as much as nearly 30 years,
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As I said, I shall elaborate on this further in future blogs. It is quite a huge story in itself, and awareness is a tool that empowers you to ask for an assessment, if you feel that is required for you to either eliminate or embrace that diagnosis. On a high note, in the musical score that overlays my CPTS journey, I have recently started writing my first book, which I hope will fulfill my dream of being a #1 Best Selling published Author. I am also using all of the skills I have to create my new life as an author (children’s, personal growth, and wellness, and my own story as it continues to unfold) and live my life in the flow of being a highly regarded and sought after Public Speaker, Advocate, Author, Advisor, and Ambassador. Part of my dream is to share the stage, including on TV, with many of the beautiful people who have inspired and motivated me on my journey. I am excited to be covering a range of subjects for our Friends with Dignity members and all of our readers, and our hope is to help provide information, inspiration, and support to you on your journey. Remember - You are not alone.
Ever!
No matter how hard it may feel in any moment, know that you are strong enough to overcome any obstacle and there are many people who love you and who will be there for you when you ask, and when you need. The life you dream of is on the other side of fear. life you dream of is filled with love. Go there!
The
I shall include here a small paragraph from the gorgeous Elizabeth Gilbert’s latest book, ‘Big Magic’.
"Do you have the courage to bring forth the treasures that are hidden within you? The Universe buries strange jewels deep within us all, and then stands back to see if we can find them. The courage to go in and hunt, to search for these hidden jewels, this is enchanted living. The results of this hunt... what is brought out.... that is Big Magic" Elizabeth Gilbert. Huge love to everyone who reads this I truly hope that it is able to help at least one person. Have faith in you, I do! I have found that when we are able to shift our
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perception, our life totally changes. beautiful life and journey.
This is a
Until next time, be gentle with yourself and those around you. #Donna #loveyoulovelife #lovelifeloveyou Something for you to take away today. you feel drawn to do that.
And to share if
A Martin Luther King, Jr quote
Darkness cannot drive out darkness;
Only LIGHT can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate;
Only LOVE can do that.
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