Bullwinkle Chronicles

The Bullwinkle Chronicles

By Bob Seymour

Six years ago today my kids and I stood out in freezing temperatures in a snowstorm at the end of a hole in the ground to bid our final farewell to Toots. The night before I stood before several hundred people and delivered her eulogy without shedding a tear because the anointing of the Spirit was resting on me. I don’t remember everything I said but I remember the Spirit whispering to me that He had “anointed me to present the gospel...” and that He would give me the words to speak when I stood at the pulpit.

The anointing was more than powerful that night but the next morning I was a total mess. I had to call Fred, the brother I co-pastored the church with, and ask him to officiate the graveside ceremony because I knew I wouldn’t be able to maintain my emotions. I managed to stay next to the grave until Fred finished reading some scriptures and committing her body to the grave but as soon as he said Amen at the end of his prayer I turned and walked through the snow to my truck.....

The source of many of the nightmares I have stem from seeing the pine box with her body in it suspended over that frozen dark hole as the wind whipped the snow. It took years for that memory to lose its power over my emotions and even though I occasionally wake up from a nightmare of that morning the residual effects only last a few minutes instead of hours.....

From the first time I heard the word cancer the Spirit of God began to show me these verses from 2 Corinthians, “May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you grace and peace. God Offers Comfort to All. All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us...” At the time all I got out of those words was that He would give me the grace to go through the valley and that He would comfort my spirit. After 6 years of life on the road I’ve felt that grace and comfort manifest not only in my own life but in the lives of thousands of people I’ve met that are going through their own storm. In the beginning of the journey all I wanted was to either die or find a cave to run and hide in but the Spirit kept denying my requests and instead kept leading me further from the past toward the destiny He had set for me. I begged Him a thousand times to end the grieving so I could go on with life but again and again He denied my request. The darkness was debilitating at times but His presence gave me enough light and comfort to retain my sanity.

One morning a couple months after burying her I was riding in the mountains of Virginia through thick fog trying to get on the Blueridge Parkway when I cried out for Him to let me get out of the valley and up to the mountain top where I could be closer to Him but again He denied my request. I was crying like a baby when I asked Him to take me out of the valley and the tears became a flood when He spoke these words to me, “You’re not ready to climb the mountain yet son, I have much more to show and teach you in the valley. I have to allow you to go deeper into the depths of grief than most will ever go because I’m going to lead you to many people who have lost all hope and you have to experience a pain greater than theirs. When you come through this valley you will have not only the sympathy and compassion you have naturally but you will have the empathy that is critical for the call I am putting on your life this day..”. When I heard those words I got angry and twisted the throttle up to 70 mph in some of the thickest fog I’ve ever been in hoping I’d end up dead under a truck or flying off of a cliff but thankfully He cleared a path through the fog that morning....

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ullwinkle Chronicles

Today I am more than thankful for the depth of grief I went through because it has allowed me to relate on a gut level with others who have suffered great loss and to share with them the same comfort He gave to me in my darkest days. I would never have chosen this path for my life but because I trusted and followed Him many who would have given up on life now have hope for their future. I don’t know how much longer this journey will last but as long as it does I will continue to share the hope, grace and comfort the Spirit gave to me in midsts of the chaos of my trial.

I took a lot of crap from a lot of people including some of my family and my closest friends because I couldn’t shake off the depression and feeling of hopelessness to get my life back to normal but I didn’t allow myself to be angry with them because I understood that they could not understand what was happening to me. Some of the criticisms inflicted deep and painful wounds that my natural man wanted to react to but instead I prayed that their ignorant and sometimes harsh and callous statements would not return to them through the loss of someone they loved deeply.

I know many who are going through tragic situations today and I want to encourage them all not to give up. It may feel like all hope is gone but the God I serve will fill your spirit with hope and when the power of grief is overwhelming He will carry you until you can walk again. Today as I look back at the depth of despair He has brought me out of my prayers are for the hurting, the lonely and the lost.... He is waiting with His arms outstretched for you to cry out to Him for hope..... Bob Seymour 607-972-5047 bseymour75@gmail.com facebook.com/pvt1st