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Creative Writing Portfolio 2013-2014
Dorothy Skiba
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Into the Mind of a Teenage Soul 3. Author's Forward 5. Polska
(Non-fiction)
6. Life is Full of Surprises(Extended 8. A Set of Haikus and etc 10. Love and Other Things 11.The Struggle
(Formal Poems)
(Free Verse Poems)
(Mirco Fiction Piece)
11. Nature and Poetry 13. Author's Notes
fiction)
(Mirco Fiction Piece)
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Author's Forward There were a lot of interesting techniques, strategies, and tips I learned through this creative writing course. One tip I remember vividly, is a piece of advice from Ernest Hemingway. He said "Don't describe an emotion-make it." It's simple, but makes all the difference in the world. You're impact on the reader is so much weaker when you say "She was in love" rather than "She trusted him with her life. His presence made her heart speed up, and when they embraced she could almost taste the heavens above." This helps you experience the emotion with the character, as if you were her, it makes the story come to life. I also quite enjoyed learning about sentence fluency and how sentence variety was used to create mood. I hadn't been aware of this before, and I like to keep it in mind. The example was an excerpt from "James and the Giant Peach" by Roald Dahl. The sentences grow longer as the level of panic is risen. It draws you in, and makes you read it faster and faster. The other example had a series of short sentences (each starting a new line) and was followed by a few longer sentence connected. He was anxious for his first day of teaching, and the short, simple sentences expressed his shock and anxiety. I had no idea there had been a one (misspelled) word poem published, let alone that it caused such drama in New York City. I find it fascinating that congress didn't understand the purpose of the publication of "Lighght". They thought it was idiotic that it was spelled incorrectly and said if they're children spelled like that they would be ashamed, they completely didn't understand the purpose of the misplaced consonant. "Lighght" later became a metaphor for the business of combining government with art. It sparked the governments interest in art (specifically literature) and was later actually used as a metaphor, and it is still talked about today, forty years later. That is simply amazing, to have your work have so much attention and its legacy continued decades later? It was in a way, inspiring. My favorite technique I learned however was learning how to write a Micro Fiction. It is a short fiction story, and I have knack for thinking up great stories, but whenever I begin one I never finish it, most likely because writing a lot discouraged me and I never got far, a fear of commitment to a story you could say. Now that I know I can write a short fiction story and it is an accepted and popular type of writing, I'm going to write enough micro fiction stories to fill my heart's content! My favorite piece from this course was probably my Personal Narrative on Polska. I just felt I could easily write how homesick I felt, and how hopeful and inspired I was when I visited there. I tried my best to make my emotion and not describe it, but I guess that is for the reader to decide. My most difficult piece was definitely the pantoum poem I wrote. It was a disaster and so hard to follow! I felt very limited, because in my free time I always write in free verse, and to have to worry about the rhyme scheme for once was challenging. There are only so many words that rhyme with "out", and "need"; I needed to use an online rhyme dictionary to help me out. I probably won't write another pantoum poem unless I have to, but the experience and frustration was still worth it (as a first experience).
4 This course as a whole has shaped who I am as a writer and a person. I had to create pieces with rules and demands, and most importantly, a deadline. Over the past two years, I have had a problem with handing in schoolwork on time, and this course wasn't directly connected to school (as it was an online class) and it kind of woke me up to the real world. This whole portfolio was also an eye-opener. Portfolio though challenging and complex, are so much fun to make! It made me feel somewhat more of a writer (though I don't consider myself a writer yet) and it made me proud to have a compilation of what I've written. I created this, these are my thoughts, whether they be brilliant or ordinary they are part of who I am. This course was educational and fun at the same time. It was definitely worth my time, I just wish I had worked harder. Special thanks to Mr. E for his patience with my inconsistent work patterns, I fought real hard to stay motivated, so thank you for not treating me differently for my lack of participation.
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Polska Thirteen hours. Thirteen long hours to get to my homeland, my mother’s homeland, and my mother’s mother's homeland. Thirteen hours is all it took to get to bliss, relaxation, and anonymity. In Poland, I was surrounded by those I love the most. There were no bullies, people who disliked me, or those put me down. I didn’t feel judged, I felt loved. Loved by the trees, the sun beaming down on me, and the earth we’ve named Polska. I walked down the streets in confidence and a high self-esteem to last me a lifetime. I knew it would be an eventful day. There was no one to put me down; there was no harm. As Charlie said in The Perks of Being a Wallflower, I felt infinite. It was just me, nature, and family. There was no sadness, no voice in my head that said I was never enough nor will I ever be. I wasn’t told that I was overweight, or that I was unimportant. No, this was Poland, no one knew me, and those who did truly cared. As our cousin drove us through the forest that would take us to my grandmother’s house and the rest of my family waiting, I grew anxious. I’ve been separated from them for so long, and I couldn’t help smiling as we drew closer. Smiling for this reunion, smiling for the forest, smiling for the memories flooding in from our last visit, just smiling for the purest happiness I had experienced. My aunts, my uncles, my cousins, waiting inside the kitchen to kiss us hello, and expressing their gratitude that we made it there safely. They actually cared that I was safe, what a wonderful feeling that made me even more brilliantly joyful. The second my grandmother and I embraced, I instantly started crying. I haven’t seen her in 8 years, and I wasn’t sure I would again. Tears of joy I cried for 10 minutes in front of my whole family who greeted my mother, sister, and I. They made me feel accepted. I was good enough, and more, especially with my grandmother complimenting me “Look how big you are! And how beautiful! Oh I love you so much Dorotka!” as she gives me another hug that knocks the breath out of me. The sound of the rooster in the morning woke me up in realization that I was no longer in Lancaster, I was in Polska. As I exit the bedroom my mom, sister, grandma and I share, I look at the beautiful view. To my right there are the baby chicks and vegetable garden. Even further to my right is the beginning of the forest my grandfather planted. To my left a small dirt path leading to the only convenient store in Nieciszów. This was indeed a small village full of opportunity. In Poland I was me, with no judgment, no put downs, no voices in my head. I was accepted, loved, and cherished. I meant something to people, I mattered. It mattered that I breathed, it mattered that I lived, and it mattered that I was okay. Poland is a place full of mystery, with the power to restore a person’s faith in humanity, themselves, and their purpose in life.
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Life is Full of Surprises I cannot believe it. How can he be so rude? I do not have a so called, rotten attitude. The problem, is with your attitude, not mine. "Comparing feudalism, cool." No, no it is not cool. And no, it is not cool of you to talk like that. It sounds like you are brain dead and cannot think of anything logical nor interesting to say, so I, Melanie Hafer, pity you, James Yura. I pity you for your good fortunes, fore it has brought you a bad fortune. A fortune of stupidity. I pity you for your lack of intelligence. I pity you for your lack of trustful relationships with your friends, you probably have paid them to be your friends, why would they choose to do that without some sort of reward. How could they possibly stand your dull conversation? Ding, ding, ding. Oh great, time to go to history and see this pitiful boy. Let us hope he does not say anything to me. I made it to my seat without locking eye contact with James! That is a relief for I feel he would lecture me into oblivion. He thinks he is better than me. Yeah right James Yura, yeah right. Oh no, he has come to say something to me. "Melanie I wanted to say sorry for snapping at you yesterday," he apologizes, "it was not right for me to talk to you like that. I mean I don't even know you." You look up to James' eyes and see true meaning. You think he means what he says. You say it's alright and begin to talk about what you do after school. What your job is. What your favorite thing to do is. After a few minutes of bigger than small talk, you are asked by James if he can have your cell phone number, so that he can call you. James wants your number. To call you. James Yura wants to have a legitimate conversation with you, over the phone, outside of school, about your life. Why is James so interested in your life you ponder and you realize you forgot to respond at all. "Oh yeah, of course, give me your phone" you say as you punch the seven digits you have known since 8th grade. The seven digits that James will now know. "Why do you suddenly want me number" you ask, intrigued. Why would James want to talk to you out of school, you've never spoken to him until yesterday, which ended quite rudely. "You are interestingly different. I want to get to know you" he says to you. He wants to get to know you! You guess this could be a nice friendship as he walks back to his seat for class to begin. ***
As Melanie was studying for her big geometry test she would have the next morning, her ringtone of Eminem starts playing. She is curious as to who it could be and is shocked to find out it is James. She clears her throat and answers the phone. "Hello?" "Uh, hi Melanie, how are you?" James asks, showing his nervousness. "I am fine, just a bit stressed out over this geometry test I have tomorrow. How are you?" Melanie asks back, intrigued as to where this conversation will lead.
7 "I am fine as well, I just was a little bored. You know with the parents at work and all." James says sounding lonely. "You're parents work this late? It's almost eight P.M.!" Melanie says in such an outgoing way she shocks herself. "Well they're back home, but they stay in their office, I don't see them most of the time, work comes first to them of course." "Wow, James. I do not know what to say. That sounds awful. My first impression of you was way off. I thought you were some snotty rich boy who got what he wanted, I'm sorry." she tells James thoughtfully. "I know," he chuckles, "you told me in history, remember? I don' t mind it though, everyone thinks of me that way, and there isn't much to do about it. But I was wondering if I could ask for a favor. Sure I can technically ask my father for anything, but what I want is a meaningful, lasting friendship. Would you do that for me, Melanie?" "Of course I will, but I must study. I'll talk to you tomorrow James." And with that Melanie hung up the phone and went to bed. *** A week has passed, and James continues to call Melanie each and every night. Melanie looks at her phone, as it slows changes from eight to eight o' one p.m.. Why hasn't he called me yet, Melanie thinks to herself, realizing how much she values and depends on James conversation to make it through the day. Maybe he's busy, maybe his parents are actually engaging in conversation with him for once in his life. I'll just wait a bit longer. 2 hours pass by and you begin to worry. This is out of character for James, he is usually punctual and never forgets to call. You decide to call him, four times to be specific, and each time you get his answering machine. You know something is wrong and try to stay calm. Maybe he is just sleeping, maybe he's watching television. I will just ask him tomorrow in class, and with that you close your eyes and fall asleep without hesitation.
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A Set of Formal Haikus and etc
People can be cruel Love my kitty more than you My cat is sincere
Feel the warm green grass Smell the new flowers blooming Oh, Spring is a gift.
Do you feel the breeze Just the same as my heart feels Deep chills to the bone
Sunshine is raining Down on my troubles and pain God bless this great day
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An Imagist Poem The alarm clock blaring It's already seven thirty AM Must I get up for work? My bed is warm work is cold The alarm clock blaring It's already six thirty AM Must I get up for school? My bed is warm school is cold. A Pantoum Poem Headphones on The world shut out Every drama gone That’s what music’s about Life’s better without a doubt This is all I need No need to go rout It’s what keeps me freed Music’s part of my creed It gets me by Music helps me read Music’s no lie.
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Love and Other Things
Are u ready? Think less. Survive this hocus pocus. Face it. See the world. These are the years to make lasting memories. Take their breath away. Live large. Crack the code. Escape. Your life comes in different styles. It's not simply spectacular. It's more. In case you forget, inspiration cannot be given. It must be found. The scenery is a moving experience. Meet the one meant for you. Listen to the wisdom in the ocean's voice. Just what the world needs? A thank you.
I can't wait to be in love. To be truly in love. To be loved, imperfections and all. Appearance won't matter. Weight won't matter. Only your soul and character. When being in the presence of a certain someone is heavenly even if you're not doing anything. To know they're there for you and with you through everything till eternity. Love heals all, and I'm waiting till I can experience that.
Why must I love the people when I cannot find the strength to love myself.
I yearn for something important to do, something meaningful. Something I'm passionate for, I feel lifeless and without a purpose.
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The Struggle She doesn't know what to do with her future. Or if in fact she'll make it to the future. Many dream jobs call her name, psychiatry, business, singing. Many dream destinations call her name, Poland, California, Canada. But many dangers call her name as well, razor blades, sleeping pills, ways to escape. She walks the halls with fear of rejection. She walks the halls with fear of failure. She walks through her house with her head high. She walks through her house proudly wearing a smile, until she reaches her room, where finally as she puts on her headphones, she lets go. Every morning she reminds herself that if she can get through the day, she can do anything. Motivating herself to put on that fake smile. Motivating herself to put on decent clothes. Motivating herself to live.
Nature and Poetry She's walking down the cobblestone road. Sunshine in her hair and the soft breeze in her face. It's eleven o'clock and it's time for her daily visit to the library. She's wearing her vintage floor-length red with white polka dots skirt with a classic white tee. Her hair is always pulled into a side braid, just like Katniss Everdeen. She picks up each book with care, examining the adventures hidden within. "Each book spine is like the outward appearance of any person", she always says, "It might be true, or deceiving of one's true self. Best not grow opinions upon appearances anyway." So caught up in her little world, she practically tip toes wherever she walks, so as not to hurt the floor. Her tattoos on her arms help define who she is and who she wants to be. You can tell by the way she flips each page how desperately she clings on to each detail, each word, for each word, each syllable is far more interesting and worthy than the most intriguing poetry that describes her life. With a new book in her tote on her walk home, she stops by the usual fountain, and throws a penny in for a wish. She's poor as church mice, but still believes in investing in your dreams. If you won't, who will. As she opens the iron gate to her modest house and garden, a smile appears on her weary face. Her cat runs up to greet her with many purrs, and she accepts every single one with true sincerity. She strolls through each row of flowers as she admires their beauteous simplicity. Flowers take a long time to grow from small seeds into green stems until they finally sprout stunning petals but die shortly after. They go through a lengthy, not as openly pretty journey just to have that moment of perfection. She always compares flowers to life. Once done with praising her little bundles of heaven, she roams up her front steps through her house and into her bathroom.
12 She steps in front of her sink and mirror and obsessively fixes her hair and makeup, until she finally burst into tears. Her "perfect" makeup now running down her face, and her "perfect" hair falling out of it's neat bun. "Oh how I envy nature and poetry. Only nature and poetry are naturally beautiful, even with its imperfections and flaws. As for me, I'll be struggling till the day I die to come close to being as spectacular as them."
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Author’s Notes Original Draft of Extended Fiction I cannot believe it. How can he be so rude. I do not have a so called rotten attitude. The problem, is with your attitude, not mine. "Comparing feudalism, cool." No, no it is not cool. And no it is not cool of you to talk like that. It sounds like you are brain dead and cannot think of anything logical nor interesting to say, so I, Melanie Hafer, pity you James Yura. I pity you for your good fortunes, fore it has brought you a bad fortune. A fortune of stupidity. I pity you for your lack of intelligence. I pity you for your lack of trusty relationships with your friends, you probably have paid them to be your friends, why would they choose to do that without some sort of reward. How could they possibly stand your dull conversation.
Ding, ding, ding. Oh great, time to go to history and see this pitiful boy. Let us hope he does not say anything to me. I made it to my seat without locking eye contact with James! That is a relief for I feel he would lecture me into oblivion. He thinks he is better than me. Yeah right James Yura, yeah right. Oh no he has come to say something to me. "Melanie I wanted to say sorry for snapping at you yesterday," he apologizes, "it was not right for me to talk to you like that, I mean I don't even know you." You look up to James' eyes and see true meaning. You think it seems he means what he says. You say it's alright and begin to talk about what you do after school. What your job is. What your favorite thing to do it. After a few minutes of bigger than small talk you are asked by James if he can have your cell phone number, so that he can call you. James wants your number. To call you. James Yura wants to have a legitimate conversation with you, over the phone, outside of school, about your life. Why is James so interesting in your life you ponder and you realize you forgot to respond at all. "Oh yeah, of course, give me your phone" you say as you punch the seven digits you have known since 8th grade. The seven digits that James will now know. "Why do you suddenly want me number" you ask, intrigued. Why would James want to talk to you out of school, you've never spoken to him until yesterday, which ended quite rudely. "You are interestingly different. I want to get to know you" he says to you. He wants to get to know you! You guess this could be a nice friendship as he goes back to his seat for class to begin. *** As Melanie was studying for her big geometry test she would have the next morning, her ringtone of Eminem starts playing. She is curious as to who it could be and is shocked to find out it is James. She clears her throat and answers the phone. "Hello?"
14 "Uh, hi Melanie, how are you?" James asks, showing his nervousness. "I am fine, just a bit stressed out over this geometry test I have tomorrow. How are you?" Melanie asks back, intrigued as to where this conversation will lead. "I am fine as well, I just was a little bored. You know with the parents at work and all." James says sounding lonely. "You're parents work this late? It's almost eight P.M.!" Melanie says in such an outgoing way she shocks herself. "Well they're back home, but they stay in their office, I do not see them most of the time, work comes first to them of course." "Wow, James. I do not know what to say. That sounds awful. My first impression of you was way off. I thought you were some snotty rich boy who got what he wanted, I'm sorry." she tells James thoughtfully. "I know," he chuckles, "you told me in history, remember? I don' t mind it though, everyone thinks of me that way, and there isn't much to do about it. But I was wondering if I could ask for a favor. Sure I can technically ask my father for anything, but what I want is a meaningful, lasting friendship. Would you do that for me, Melanie?" "Of course I will, but I must study. I'll talk to you tomorrow James." And with that Melanie hung up the phone and went to bed. *** A week has passed, and James continues to call Melanie each and every night. Melanie looks at her phone, as it slows changes from eight to eight o' one p.m.. Why hasn't he called me yet, Melanie thinks to herself, realizing how much she values and depends on James conversation to make it through the day. Maybe he's busy, maybe his parents are actually engaging in conversation with him for once in his life. I'll just wait a bit longer. 2 hours pass by and you begin to worry. This is out of character for James, he's usually punctual and never forgets to call. You decide to call him, 4 times to be specific, and each time you get his answering machine. You know something is wrong and try to stay calm. Maybe he's just sleeping, maybe he's watching t.v.. I'll just ask him tomorrow in class, and with that you closed your eyes and fell asleep without hesitation. When I began writing my extended fiction piece, I decided to not use any contractions because everyone uses them these days. After I realized I accidentally left a contraction in one of James' quotes, I suddenly realized, his character seems more like the type to use contractions. It was a great contrast to Melanie, who seems like a character who would use intelligent words and "old-fashioned grammar" (not using contractions). This is another way they greatly differ. In addition to adding/deleting contractions, I fixed some of my faulty punctuation. In the first paragraph I put a period instead of a question mark surprisingly multiple times. Lastly, I changed the tenses of some of the verbs used, such as " Why is James so interesting" to "Why is James so interested" and "you closed your eyes" to "you close your eyes". In addition to all this editing, I also removed "it seems" from the phrase "You think it seems he means what he says." "You think" and "it seems" can be used in replacement for each other, they practically
15 mean the same thing, it would be the same as writing "You think you think" or "It seems it seems". I also noticed a lack of indentation in the beginning of my paragraphs and dialogue, so I fixed that and other than that I'm comfortable with the organization of my words and my attempt at a cliff hanger at the end. I hope it leaves the reader wondering what possibly could have happened to James Yura. I especially like that it shows the development in their friendship.
Final Draft of Extended Fiction I cannot believe it. How can he be so rude? I do not have a so called, rotten attitude. The problem, is with your attitude, not mine. "Comparing feudalism, cool." No, no it is not cool. And no, it is not cool of you to talk like that. It sounds like you are brain dead and cannot think of anything logical nor interesting to say, so I, Melanie Hafer, pity you, James Yura. I pity you for your good fortunes, fore it has brought you a bad fortune. A fortune of stupidity. I pity you for your lack of intelligence. I pity you for your lack of trustful relationships with your friends, you probably have paid them to be your friends, why would they choose to do that without some sort of reward. How could they possibly stand your dull conversation? Ding, ding, ding. Oh great, time to go to history and see this pitiful boy. Let us hope he does not say anything to me. I made it to my seat without locking eye contact with James! That is a relief for I feel he would lecture me into oblivion. He thinks he is better than me. Yeah right James Yura, yeah right. Oh no, he has come to say something to me. "Melanie I wanted to say sorry for snapping at you yesterday," he apologizes, "it was not right for me to talk to you like that. I mean I don't even know you." You look up to James' eyes and see true meaning. You think he means what he says. You say it's alright and begin to talk about what you do after school. What your job is. What your favorite thing to do is. After a few minutes of bigger than small talk, you are asked by James if he can have your cell phone number, so that he can call you. James wants your number. To call you. James Yura wants to have a legitimate conversation with you, over the phone, outside of school, about your life. Why is James so interested in your life you ponder and you realize you forgot to respond at all. "Oh yeah, of course, give me your phone" you say as you punch the seven digits you have known since 8th grade. The seven digits that James will now know. "Why do you suddenly want me number" you ask, intrigued. Why would James want to talk to you out of school, you've never spoken to him until yesterday, which ended quite rudely. "You are interestingly different. I want to get to know you" he says to you. He wants to get to know you! You guess this could be a nice friendship as he walks back to his seat for class to begin. *** As Melanie was studying for her big geometry test she would have the next morning, her ringtone of Eminem starts playing. She is curious as to who it could be and is shocked to find out it is James. She clears her throat and answers the phone.
16 "Hello?" "Uh, hi Melanie, how are you?" James asks, showing his nervousness. "I am fine, just a bit stressed out over this geometry test I have tomorrow. How are you?" Melanie asks back, intrigued as to where this conversation will lead. "I am fine as well, I just was a little bored. You know with the parents at work and all." James says sounding lonely. "You're parents work this late? It's almost eight P.M.!" Melanie says in such an outgoing way she shocks herself. "Well they're back home, but they stay in their office, I don't see them most of the time, work comes first to them of course." "Wow, James. I do not know what to say. That sounds awful. My first impression of you was way off. I thought you were some snotty rich boy who got what he wanted, I'm sorry." she tells James thoughtfully. "I know," he chuckles, "you told me in history, remember? I don' t mind it though, everyone thinks of me that way, and there isn't much to do about it. But I was wondering if I could ask for a favor. Sure I can technically ask my father for anything, but what I want is a meaningful, lasting friendship. Would you do that for me, Melanie?" "Of course I will, but I must study. I'll talk to you tomorrow James." And with that Melanie hung up the phone and went to bed. *** A week has passed, and James continues to call Melanie each and every night. Melanie looks at her phone, as it slows changes from eight to eight o' one p.m.. Why hasn't he called me yet, Melanie thinks to herself, realizing how much she values and depends on James conversation to make it through the day. Maybe he's busy, maybe his parents are actually engaging in conversation with him for once in his life. I'll just wait a bit longer. 2 hours pass by and you begin to worry. This is out of character for James, he is usually punctual and never forgets to call. You decide to call him, four times to be specific, and each time you get his answering machine. You know something is wrong and try to stay calm. Maybe he is just sleeping, maybe he's watching television. I will just ask him tomorrow in class, and with that you close your eyes and fall asleep without hesitation.
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Original Draft of The Struggle She has no clue what to do with her future. Or if she'll even make it to the future. She has a lot of dream jobs like psychiatry, business, and singing. She has a lot of many dream destinations like Poland, California, and Canada. She also has a lot of dangers calling her name like razor blades, sleeping pills, and ways to escape. She walks the halls of school with the fear of being rejected. She walks the halls of school with the fear of failing. She walks through her own house with her head held high. She walks through her own house proudly wearing a smile, until she reaches her room, where finally as she puts on her headphones, she lets go. Each morning she tells herself that if she can make it through the day, she can do whatever she wants. She motivates herself to put on that fake smile. She motivates herself to put on decent clothes. She motivates herself to live.
As I wrote this Micro Fiction I tried to think about how I felt last year. A lot of emotions flooded in. I felt optimistic (hence the dream jobs and destinations) but my depression was taking over (obviously the meaning behind blades and pills). One day I felt I could save the world, and the next I felt the world couldn't save me. I needed to get all these emotions down on a word document first so that I wouldn't miss a thing, which is the reason for the sloppiness of it. As I reexamined what I wrote, I saw I used "she" a lot. I used it way too often. So to rid myself of this problem I deleted the "she"s in the two last sentences. I also deleted the "she"s in the third and fourth in the first paragraph and got a little creative saying the destinations and places call her, not that she has many dream destinations and places. It's just a bit or a more unique sentence structure compared to the rest of the micro fiction. I also was too specific on which halls I walked through with "fears of rejection and failure", and it sounded much better as "halls" instead of "halls of school". I'm pleased with the way this turned out, even if it is more of a sadder micro fiction, it still shows the pain I've experienced, and it seems pain is a huge part of being a writer, it is used as inspiration often.
Final Draft of The Struggle She doesn't know what to do with her future. Or if in fact she'll make it to the future. Many dream jobs call her name, psychiatry, business, singing. Many dream destinations call her name, Poland, California, Canada. But many dangers call her name as well, razor blades, sleeping pills, ways to escape. She walks the halls with fear of rejection. She walks the halls with fear of failure. She walks through her house with her head high. She walks through her house proudly wearing a smile, until she reaches her room, where finally as she puts on her headphones, she lets go. Every morning she reminds herself that if she can get through the day, she can do anything. Motivating herself to put on that fake smile. Motivating herself to put on decent clothes. Motivating herself to live.
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Original Draft of an Imagist Poem Poem
Final Draft of an Imagist
The alarm clock screaming
The alarm clock blaring
Is it already seven thirty in the morning?
It's already seven thirty AM
Do I have to get up for work?
Must I get up for work?
My bed is nice work is
My bed is warm work is
annoying.
cold
The alarm clock shouting
The alarm clock blaring
Is it already six thirty in the morning?
It's already six thirty AM
Do I have to get up for school?
Must I get up for school?
My bed is comfy school is
My bed is warm school is
uncomfortable.
cold.
In the process of creating this imagist poem, I wanted to express the chaos and hostility of an alarm clock. It can be really upsetting, finally being peacefully asleep in a wonderful slumber, and then all of a sudden the voices of your local radio hosts or the traditional "ERR ERR ERR" wakes you up and just drives me insane and makes my blood boil. Even though this aggravation is key in this poem, it doesn't sound appealing to me, so I changed "screaming" to "blaring". My next problem was having too many questions. In the morning I don't ask if it's seven thirty or six thirty, I already know it, and basically whine about it being that time, so I got rid of the question marks and changed "Is it" to "It is". After that I still wasn't satisfied. I didn't like describing my bed as "nice" or "comfortable", that's as inviting as I wanted it to appear. I want my bed to be warm, so that you begin to think of your warm bed in the morning, and how painful it is to get out of it and face the cold world outside. After all that is done I realize I would like a repetitive form with minor changes from the first verse to the second. To emphasize that leaving bed is the worst, no matter where I go. So I eventually the only difference is the times in the second lines, and the places in third lines.
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My original draft of my haiku was in fact, very weak and lame. "Sunlight was raining" was not verbally aesthetic or very imaginative. I can't exactly visualize sunlight raining, it sounds weird. When I switched "shine" in for "light", it was pleasing to my ear and I could imagine sunshine raining, it just had more of a hopeful, optimistic ring to it. I also changed "was" to "is", because present tense make the haiku sound relevant and as though it is still happening. As for my second line, "Down on my pain and sadness", it seemed somewhat repetitive. Pain and sadness could be interchangeable, so I replaced "sadness" with "troubles" and put pain at the end of the line, so as to kind of rhyme with "raining" in the previous line. I don't even know what to say about "God bless cool nature." It sounds like I asked a hippie to write my poetry for me, an uncreative hippie at that. So I changed "cool nature" in for "this great day" to keep the optimistic and hopeful theme, and wipe out the hippie perspective. All in all I think this haiku, even though isn't many words (yes, I do know haikus are supposed to be this short), expresses the beauty of nature's impact on one's attitude and emotions. I am pleased with the transition, I like my final draft.
Original Draft of Haiku
Sunlight was raining
Down on my pain and sadness
God bless cool nature
Final Draft of Haiku
Sunshine is raining
Down on my troubles and pain
God bless this great day
20
Original Draft of a Pantoum Poem
Final Draft of a Pantoum Poem
I have my headphones on
Headphones on
It keeps the world shut out
The world shut out
With every drama gone
Every drama gone
And now that’s what music’s about With them on, life’s better without a doubt
That’s what music’s about Life’s better without a doubt
Now this is all I need
This is all I need
With no need to go rout
No need to go rout
Headphones are what keeps me freed My music’s part of my creed It always gets me by My music helps me read My music’s no lie.
It’s what keeps me freed Music’s part of my creed It gets me by Music helps me read Music’s no lie.
From the beginning I had the rhyme written right, it would be very hard to change the last words of each line whilst still making sense. This poem was in fact one of the hardest ones I've ever written, in my life. It took me a while to form this poem and still keep the theme ongoing. Somehow, (with a lot of patience)I achieved creating this pantoum poem! I didn't however like the choppiness of each line. They sound like they are all new thoughts, instead of one continuous thought. To solve this issue, I got rid of the unnecessary "With", "And", "Now", and "My" that starts each line. The product is a simpler, much cleaner poem, that is aesthetically pleasing! I feel that throughout the poem, my love and need for music is obviously expressed, which was the main point of writing this poem. Overall, I am happy with the way it turned out,
21 and hope I do not have to write another one anytime soon! I'd much rather write ten haikus instead of this complicated and terrifying Pantoum disaster.