Dragmag Issue 2: The Paranormal Special by OSKAR OPREY

ISSUE #2 AUTUMN WINTER 2012 - 2013

SUE THE PARANORMAL IS

Editor & Creative Director Oskar Oprey Fashion Director Kieran Partise Layout & Typography Pedro Moreira

Contributing Writers: Travis Jeppesen Claudia Nova Rachel Frances Sharpe

Contributing Beauty Editors: Marco Antonio Bunny Hazel Clarke Hila

Creative Consultant: Kenneth Stanton

Fashion Assistants: Alan Goddard Rickardo Maxwell Tanya Whyte Elizabeth Margerison

Contributing Photographers: Grant Thomas Kenneth Stanton Simon Woolf Scott Caruth Paul Bernard Knight David McLean Contributing Illustrators: Mina Milk Garry McLaughlin Sina Sparrow Neil Slorance

Publisher: Oskar Oprey Dragmag is Published With Support From Diesel Printed by: Cambrian Printers LTD Back Cover Image by Kenneth Stanton and Oskar Oprey

Special Thanks: Scott Morrison, Cat Crawford, Carl Marshall, Laura Morse, Sabah Khan, Owanate Briggs and All the team at Diesel, Claudio Napolitano and Samantha Brennan at Jed Root, Susannah Hooker and Dounia Benjelloul at Select Model Management, Lucy Brown at Elite London, Susie Adams and Adam Cozens at FM Models, Patrick Egbon-Marshall at AMCK, Martin McGowan, Simon Thistle at Happy Finish, Alex Byrne, Will Marsden, Lindsey Davies, Katie Davies, Brinley Thomas, Abigail Thomas, Gemma Thomas, Gabriel Gettman, Karina Lidia, Mick Pedroli, David Milne, George Wilson, Craig Marsden, Seema Chopra, Alex James Fairbairn, Eoin Dillon, Barbara Blackbourne, Florence Blackbourne Sheona and Freddy GrahamWayne Spurrier, Matt Shanks and Yvonne Coulthard at Haunted Happenings, The Clink Prison Museum.

Copyright © 2012 All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, copied, or transmitted in any form or by any means or stored in any information storage or retrieval system without the publisher's written permission. The views expressed in Dragmag are those of the respective contributors and are not necessarily shared by the magazine or its staff. 3

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Grant Thomas as Evil Willow 19-year-old photographer Grant Thomas was raised in the remote countryside of Wales, where he returned to shoot an editorial for this issue. With an enigmatic image and attitude to match, Grant's fashion photography has appeared in ES Magazine, Tatler, Wonderland, Jalouse and Bullett. jedroot.com

eoin DILLON AS ADAM

is a Set Designer and Artist whose work has appeared in publications such as Ponystep, i-D, Wonderland and Tank Magazine. Originally from Ireland but now based in London, Eoin continues to work across a broad and diverse client base, from Lacoste to Monty Python. eoindillon.com

CLAUDI , A NOVA AS D HOFRYNN

“F, 24, Scorpio with Cancer rising WLTM attractive M 40-60 for country walks, fine dining, and cosy nights in watching Fred and Rose West documentaries. GSOH a must! No timewasters!” claudianova.co.uk

KIERAN PARTISE AS GLORY

PEDRO MOREIRA AS ANYANKA

As well as heading up the fashion for Dragmag, 21-year-old Kieran Partise works as a freelance stylist and art director. His burgeoning client list includes Vogue, Tatler, Luxure, Flaunt and Vision China. kieranpartise.com

The new designer of Dragmag, this young freelance graphic designer uses our pages to showcase his talent for creating original typography and layouts. Check out his other work at pedromoreira.co.uk

MARCO ANTONIO AS SWEET

sIMON WOOLF AS SID THE DUMMY

A London based make up artist who works around the globe (and around the clock) for all the major publications including Vogue, Harpers, ID, Elle, GQ, and Tank. Catch him if you can @ marcomakeup.com

Garry McLaughlin AS OLAF

Garry McLaughlin is a freelance digital and comic book artist. An active member of Glasgow’s indie comic book community, he also runs a social enterprise called Cosmic Designs, which delivers community arts workshops and events. cosmicdesigns.co.uk

A retoucher turned photographer (and definitely one to watch) Simon Woolf has shot our menswear spread for this issue. “So can you just make mine a dating profile? All they need to know is that I’m desperate.” simonwoolf.com

SEEMA CHOPRA HALFREK

She sure does love to sculpt a fro! From Louis Vuitton, Dior and Agent Provocateur to Diet Coke and The English National Opera stage: only the best platforms to display her amazing wig creations. seemachopra.com

RACHEL SHARPE AS HARMONY

Rachel Frances Sharpe works as both an artist and curator in Glasgow. Fascinated by the merge of beauty and the grotesque, she brings a Ballardian theatre to her practice, which has included a recent project in association with Glasgay! For a peep visit rachel-frances.com

sCOTT CARUTH THE GENTLEMAN “22 y/o dole scum from Glasgow with a penchant for Daily Mail headlines.” A regular contributor to Dragmag since issue zero, Caruth’s work has also appeared in Bullett and Vice. jcosmos.tumblr.com

MINA MILK AS GNARL

mina-milk.com

Our fabulous contributors have each been assigned an equally fabulous villain from the hit US TV Show Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which aired for seven series between 1997 and 2003.

A DOCTOR DEFYING SCIENCE’S CAUTIONS. A WOMAN DEFYING SOCIETY’S CONVENTIONS. RACING TO A DESTINY THAT DEFIES BELIEF. A TERRIBLE CAR CRASH. HER BRAIN: KEPT ALIVE BY EXPERIMENTAL SCIENCE, BY A MAN WHOSE ABNORMAL PASSIONS INPIRED HIM TO TRY THE IMPOSSIBLE. “I BROUGHT HER BACK – SHE’LL LIVE, AND I’LL GET HER ANOTHER BODY”. BUT WHAT OF HER SOUL? HIS MAD AMBITIONS AND DESIRES THREATEN EVERY WOMAN POSSESING AN ATTRACTIVE PHYSIQUE. ALL ARE PREY TO HIS DISTORTED IDEAS. “HE INTENDS TO KILL SOMEBODY AND TRANSPLANT MY HEAD ONTO THEIR ROBBEDBODY? WE’VE GOT TO STOP HIM!”

YOU’LL ONLY BELIEVE IT WHEN YOU SEE IT... The 2012 Dragmag version

The poster from the original 1962 film.

Photographed by Grant Thomas Creative Direction by Kieran Partise

Cover & opposite image: Robin wears Gold Double Hoop Earrings, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques

Make Up: Marco Antonio at DWM using Chanel AW 2012 Hair Stylist: Craig Marsden using Bumble & Bumble

Model: Robin at Select Model Management

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Set Design: Eoin DIllon Shot at Spoke Studios facebook.com/spokestudios

OSKAR OPREY AS THE MASTER

monthly since 1973, this bastion of the

died ‘tragically’. I’ve become quite smitten

weird and wonderful has included such

with a user called “hauntingeyes”; a bit of a

shocking stories as “Trout to Lunch: Man

wild one whilst alive, he was executed over

Who Thought He Was a Fish” and “Ouch

100 years ago for what he teasingly refers

Ouch Ouch: Zanzibar’s Bat-Winged Sex

to as ‘crimes against humanity’. Now fully

Dwarf”*. We’ve tried to create something

reformed and residing in the afterlife, he

similar, but within the context of an art,

enjoys “long walks on the stairs at night;

fashion and culture zine. Our research has

staring down at the living while they sleep”.

taken us from the depths of hell (literally)

I’m getting Goosebumps just thinking

to the weirdest recesses of the Internet;

about him…

People often ask me if this magazine

wherever the juiciest paranormal content

is about transvestites. “No” I always

could be found.

But anyway, over the next 90 pages you’ll

curtly reply, “it’s just a drag to make.”

come across the frightening and the

But seriously, I love the idea of drag - of

What a relief to have discovered

bizarre, as well as a host of incredible and

pretending to be something you’re not,

GhostSingles.com, an online dating agency

very interesting characters.

and doing it fabulously. This issue drags up

for the deceased. Romantically, I may as

as a paranormal magazine – surely you’ve

well be dead, as working on this issue

seen these sort of publications before,

has sucked up every minute of my spare

nestled in the bottom corner of a shelf in

time. Using their filter tool, I can look for a

- OSKAR OPREY,

your local WHSmith? The most famous

companion who fits my specific criteria: a

Editor & Creative Director

is probably The Fortean Times; published

male, between the ages of 18 and 23, who

Wanderers and Travellers - P 1 Witchcraze - P 23

May the power of Christ compel you,

Why Bonnybridge? Why Bethlehem? - P 61

A series of photographs by Kenneth Stanton, in

Oskar Oprey continues his blossoming hobby of

An in-depth interview with Councilor William F

which a highly developed octopus surreptitiously

unearthing obscure films and tracking down their

Buchanan of Bonnybridge; he discusses the

works its way through the British landscape, arriving

creators. For this issue we revisit a provocative TV

hundreds of UFOs that have been sighted in the

at the tail end of an anti-cuts protest in London.

movie from the early 2000s.

skies above his village since the early 90s. Two

Inspired by Arkady Strugatsky’s short story of the same name.

alien encounters are also mentioned. The Devil Is A Gentleman - P 29 Influenced by the life and style of Dennis Wheatley,

People of the Abyss - P 79

The Dead Body On The Subway - P 9

the prolific writer of occult thrillers, photographer

Dennis Severs’ house plays host to a gang of bright

Three graphic artists – Neil Slorance, Garry

Simon Woolf captures a dark and dapper character.

young things; dressed up to the nines, they set

McLaughlin and Sina Sparrow – tell their own

about contacting the dead. Photographed by

versions of something that happened to a friend of

Max Prus: For Shits And Giggles - P 37

Paul Bernard Knight, our main editorial showcases

a friend of a friend.

Claudia Nova goes treasure hunting with the

the recent work of London’s most talented

young artist Max Prus. They talk about his videos,

new designers.

Susan’s Custom Creepy Dolls - P 11

his excrement and his adoration for a certain

Rachel Frances Sharpe talks to ex- mortician

Conservative MP. With portraits by

A Letter To Elliott O’donnell - P 89

Susan Mitchell about her unique and wonderfully

Scott Caruth.

Oskar Oprey tells the deceased writer about

bizarre creations.

his night at The Clink Prison, hunting for ghosts Invasion of the Bodysnatchers - P 49

with Haunted Happenings – an events company

ET Porn Home - P 17

Grant Thomas photographs Diesel’s AW12

specializing in such things.

Art critic and novelist Travis Jeppesen introduces

collection in the Welsh countryside. Styled by

us to an extraterrestrial video-nasty, with an original

Kieran Partise, the shoot takes its name from the

and sexually explicit illustration by Mina Milk.

cult 50s Sci-Fi Movie, in which aliens start cloning the inhabitants of a rural town.

*Issue 86, May 1996

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Diesel 130 New Bond Street, London W1S 2TB +44 (0)7974 219 333 diesel.com Dior 160 New Bond Street, London W1S 2UE +44 (0)20 7758 9280 dior.com Elliot Joseph Rentz elliotjosephrentz.com Erickson Beamon 38 Elizabeth Street, London SW1W 9NZ +44 (0)20 7259 0202 ericksonbeamon.com

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The blood that appears at the top of this page is courtesy of a friendâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s nosebleed.

Interview by Rachel Frances Sharpe

American born sculptor Susan

The Donner Party was a group of

RACHEL SHARPE: Hi Susan. It’s strange

Mitchell is an ex-mortician and

American pioneers who ended up

conducting an interview over email; I

taxidermist, producing one-of-a-

trapped in the snowy Sierra Nevada

don’t even know where you’re from. I’d

kind collectable dolls of the macabre

in the winter of 1846; many of them

like to start by asking you about your

variety. Her website, Susan’s Custom

resorted to cannibalism. Susan’s

former career as a mortician. To what

Creepy Dolls, hosts an array of

snow globes are the perfect bad-taste

extent has this influenced your practice

ghastly creations: from Joan Crawford

knick-knack, and are each priced at a

as an artist?

(complete with wheelchair and dead

very reasonable nine dollars. I caught

parakeet lunch platter) to a full range

up with Susan via email to discuss

SUSAN: Hi Rachel. I think that after

of dead Victorian babies. The site also

horror movies, Disneyland and Burt

working in a mortuary and seeing so much

boasts a set of commemorative Donner

Reynolds, what follows is our

death up close, I became very critical of

Party snow globes.

recorded conversation…

the horror scenes in movies that I watched

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and thought that doesn’t look real.

you become interested in doll making

about my “creepy” dolls, and it snowballed

So when I started making dolls, I tried my

and taxidermy?

from there.

best to remember what I had seen on the embalming table and incorporated some of

S: I grew up in Southern California, close

that realism into my work.

to Disneyland. I started doing taxidermy after reading a “how to” book, then found

R: What is your opinion of prosthetic

a road-kill squirrel to stuff, entered it in a

and animatronic-based special effects in

taxidermy competition and won second

horror films such as The Thing?

place. The doll making wasn’t something that I planned doing this long, but I love it.

S: I think animatronics are wonderful, as far

It all started out because I wanted to make

as prosthetics are concerned I rarely think

an odd gift for my friend’s birthday (I used

that the dead bodies look realistic. It’s

to work at an eye and tissue bank with

funny you mentioned The Thing because I

her). We were always trying to out-do each

bought a life-sized model of that creature,

other with strange gifts. She showed her

but I haven’t assembled or painted it yet.

doll to our friend who was a coroner and she said, “I want a doll like that!” So I

R: Where did you grow up and how did

made one for her, then word got out

A self-portrait of Susan Mitchell at home in Leavenworth, Washington.

R: You mentioned growing up near to

taxidermy crabs with pop culture figures

R: The anxiety between life and death is

Disneyland. Did you spend much time

such as Burt Reynolds and Tammy

often a central concern in horror movies.

there as a child?

Faye Bakker?

Do you see taxidermy as an attempt to blur the distinctions between the living and the dead?

S: Oh yes!! Probably too much time. I have

S: The crabs I use aren’t real, I figured a

two Disney characters tattooed on my

real crab might start to smell after a while.

body, so I guess I have fond memories

They are resin crabs, I sculpt the head onto

S: I suppose so, since they used to once

from those days.

them. I think that Burt Reynolds and crabs

be beautiful animals, why not try to restore

are creepy so decided to combine the two.

that beauty after death?

sculpted. On average, how long would it

R: Does Burt Reynolds give

R: What is the creepiest request for a

take you to make a creepy doll? Could

you nightmares?

doll you have received to date?

S: Haha! I haven’t had a Burt Reynolds

S: Well, one that comes to mind is a guy

S: Thank you! It matters how much detail is

dream yet, but his macho chest hair gives

that wanted me to make a “really hot”

involved, and what is going on in my life at

me the chills.

nurse that is dead and mutilated. He didn’t

the time, but usually within a month.

want to buy it though, he just wanted me

For my sculptures I use polymer clay to

R: Some of the most disturbing horror

to make one then put the picture on my

sculpt the figurines, then bake them in the

movies involve possessed dolls with an

website. And he wanted me to make sure

oven and paint them.

evil agenda, I’m thinking of Childsplay

I made her “really hot,” maybe so he could

and Poltergeist. Why do you think

look at it and masturbate; I’m not sure, but

R: Do you receive many requests for

children’s playthings can make us feel

I never made one for him...

popular American entertainers?

so unnerved?

R: Your dolls look extremely well

you describe your process?

To browse through Susan’s archive, or to S: Oh yes, I make lots of Bette Davis dolls

S: I suppose children’s imagination can go

place an order for your own custom creepy

for customers.

wild when they are trying to sleep, in the

doll, visit susanscustomcreepydolls.com

dark, feeling vulnerable. R: Where did you get the idea of splicing

Phyllis D

iller

Tammy Fa Baker

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old

George

Bush’s Head

et Viol lly Li and

ne Ja by Ba

Squ id

vis

itled

Unt

e ch an

Bl Ka

Snowman waiting for the Sun

Jack–Nicholsonin-the-box

Peaches

Text by Travis Jeppesen Illustration by Mina Milk

Throughout my teenage years, I spent

life in this sphere of existence since the

UFO documentaries in the hope that I

many a night staring up at the sky, trying

beginning. The major tragedy of my life so

could glean some sense of what they could

to telepathically communicate my desire

far is that they apparently never wanted

be looking for, but was never able to figure

to be abducted by the alien forces that I

me. I read through hundreds of alien

it out.

know have been out there controlling all

abduction accounts, watched countless

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A movie I saw recently provides one

be richly rewarded with an eyeful of

that E.T. is never gonna learn anything

hypothesis. Now, let me start by

alien pussy.

on this planet except how to be a filthy

saying that

all great art is painful to watch

whore. A similar thing happened to me E.T. is from a planet far far away from here.

when I moved to Germany a few years

She has been sent to Earth to learn the

ago. The only difference is, my body isn’t

customs of its inhabitants. Inexplicably, it

covered in black scales the way E.T.’s

appears to be sometime in the 15th or 16th

is. After invading a random chateau and

century – the narrative never makes this

watching some nobleman go at it with the

As in sex (anal, to be precise), sometimes

clear. E.T. Porn Home is not sure whether

buxom blonde he so gracelessly seduces

you have to endure the pain in order to

it wants to be a Merchant Ivory costume

over tea, E.T. decides she too wants to

reach the more pleasurable aspects. The

drama or a Spielbergian sci-fi classic. So

try this earthly custom. So she invades an

long lost cinematic masterpiece E.T. Porn

directors Ildiko and Siegfried Entinger

upstairs bedroom, where a solitary actress

Home is a case in point. As is often the

(hopefully not their real names) settle for

is rubbing her baroque dress and moaning

case in het porn, the men are uniformly

the easy way out: porn.

uncontrollably – a heterosexual male

unappealing, the dialogue is clunky, the

fantasy of female sexuality, I guess. When

sex uninspired. But if you can make it

Anyway, since she winds up landing in

she sees E.T., she screams, until E.T.

through these awkward moments, you will

Germany, it quickly becomes obvious

explains who she is and where she comes

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from. Then it’s okay. Suddenly, everyone in the chateau is eager to teach the alien some new tricks.

E.T. moans like an electronic cat when she’s getting fucked. Credit must be given to costume designer Hilda Grace for adding so much to the authenticity of this picture. Wearing period dress just makes these Teutonic babes sooooooooo horny, they just can’t help but rub each other’s sensuous bodies up and down. And that E.T. mask looks so real, I kept waiting for Drew Barrymore to pop in and join the fun.

In the thrilling conclusion, one of the leading men has a close encounter with the third hole.

I had never imagined that an extraterrestrial could be so tasty he exclaims, after depositing his jizz all over the entity’s backside. (Who even knew that aliens have buttholes just like the rest of us?) E.T. goes home fulfilled – having had all of her holes filled – promising to teach her people everything she has learned.

What redeems E.T. Porn Home as a work of art is its redemptive message promoting intergalactic diplomacy. If the aliens do invade one day, we needn’t fear the consequences. The aliens will never attempt to destroy us, as long as we manage to fuck them in the ass.

All stills are bad screenshots taken from some godforsaken porn site.

Text by Oskar Oprey

After a chance encounter with the Devil

curses to use against members of the

that the proletariat could wreak havoc

in an old Churchyard, I was persuaded

Royal Family. One such curse involved

should they ever get to grips with black

by the dark prince to renounce

my friends and I digging up corpses

magic. It was genuinely believed that a

Christianity and sell my soul to him. He

from the local cemetery. We hacked off

senile old woman living on a farm could

re-baptized me as a witch, using my

different joints from the decomposing

bring down the political establishment

own freshly sucked blood as holy water

bodies and attached them to a dead cat

with an assortment of herbal spells

before clawing his mark onto my left

before throwing it into the sea.

and chants. As such, societies across

shoulder. My new life is that of a satanic

Europe (and later America) tried to

socialite: I attend dinner parties hosted

OK, so that opening paragraph was

hunt down and kill as many witches as

by the King and Queen of the Fairies,

complete bullshit – at least in relation to

possible, on the flimsiest of evidence.

enjoy midnight flights through the sky

my own life. However, everything I said

Thousands of innocent people were

(aided by my ability to morph into a

was sourced from real life witch-hunt

executed, and it’s a very shameful

crow) and regularly participate in blood-

confessions, extracted from women

chapter in humanity’s sordid history.

soaked, bestial orgies with my coven

(and a few men) in the 16th century. It

One famous case, The North Berwick

of fellow witches and warlocks. Satan

should also be noted that most of those

Witch Trials of 1590, was the basis for a

can be both cruel and kind; he’ll give me

confessions were obtained through

mockumentary called Witchcraze, which

a good screwing with his horse-sized

torture, ranging from the relatively

aired on the BBC nearly ten years ago.

cock, but I can also expect a thrashing

gentile art of sleep-deprivation to the

To call this film ‘rarely seen’ would be an

if I dare to disobey him. My duties are

ripping out of fingernails, cracking

understatement –unless you were tuned

varied and wide-ranging: I’m expected

of bones and tearing out of hair. Our

into BBC 2 at 9pm on January 29th 2003

to slay any Christians I come across

ancestors lived in perpetual fear of the

you won’t have come across it.

on my travels, and regularly compile

supernatural, particularly the notion

I did, aged fourteen, sitting in my

The letters on our Witchcraze title are sampled from various tabloid headlines, some of them iconic. The ‘TCH’ is from The Sun’s notorious ‘GOTCHA’ cover (4th May 1982), which celebrated the sinking of the Argentine Ship General Belgrano in the Falklands War. Then there’s the letter ‘E’ at the end, plucked from The Daily Mirror’s ‘TV FURY OVER ROCK CULT FILTH’ (2nd Dec 1976), relating to the Sex Pistols’ foul-mouthed TV appearance the previous evening.

parents’ living room, kind of shocked

the narrator sets the scene:

to a series of violent storms. James’

at the story unfolding on screen. Nine

“It’s October 22nd, 1589. We’re here in

advisors blamed witchcraft for the

years later I’d forgotten what exactly

East Lothian to witness what happens to

bad weather, confident that this was

that storyline was – I couldn’t even recall

those accused of witchcraft.”

a supernatural assassination attempt

the film’s title – but I still remembered

on the young King’s life. Eventually

certain scenes like a bad dream, and

Witchcraze is based on the true story of

arriving back in Scotland, and with the

had a hunch that there might be an

Agnes Sampson, a midwife and healer

help of the reverend James Carmichael,

interesting article to be had. I hammered

who lived near Edinburgh in the late

he instigated one of the largest witch

some keywords into Google –witchcraft,

1500s. Scotland was nearly bankrupt

hunts in British history, adamant that

torture, burnings, North Berwick and

at the time, with a fragile and uncertain

all those supposedly involved would

BBC... and what do you know... Two

political landscape. The prominent

be tracked down and punished. First

weeks later, the director, James Kent,

religion of the day was Calvinism, one of

to be accused was a young servant girl

had posted me his only copy. I made a

the most miserable and brutal forms of

called Gilly Duncan. Her master had

cup of coffee, dusted down my own

Protestant Christianity. The King, James

become suspicious of the girl’s ability to

old relic of a VHS player and stuck

the 6th of Scotland (and later the 1st of

‘miraculously cure sickness’, and took it

the tape in...

England), was in Copenhagen marrying

upon himself to interrogate her through

the fourteen-year-old princess Anne of

torture. We can only imagine what the

We’re on a Scottish cliff top - three

Denmark. The newly wed couple had a

sadistic old bastard did to her, but

scruffy peasants are hauled onto a

terrible time sailing back to Scotland,

nonetheless he succeeded in gaining

gallows, a crowd jeers up at them whilst

and were nearly shipwrecked due

a confession. She also revealed the

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identities of apparent co-conspirators,

James Bible to every school in England

local government got involved, set up an

running off a long list of names,

with a copy of this other notable tome

enquiry and brought these four experts

including a local schoolteacher called

by the same author.

in: University trained psychologists,

John Fian, the film’s heroine Agnes

who took evidence from the children

Sampson and, fortuitously for King

I later had dinner with James Kent,

and the parents. They made this grand

James, the Earl of Bothwell – his cousin

along with Mark Hayhurst, who wrote

pronouncement outside of Newcastle

and heir to the throne should his Royal

the script for Witchcraze. We sat in

Town Hall saying ‘these two people have

Highness die without children.

Kent’s kitchen, slicing a huge chunk of

been found guilty by our panel’, which was

goats’ cheese and talking about their

non-judicial, ‘of everything and more; all

The filmmakers were heavily influenced

work. I also had the VHS converted to

the accusations are true’. The accusations

by the work of Peter Watkins, an early

DVD, so who knows - a bootlegged

were incredible; all to do with satanic child

pioneer of the docu-drama genre.

version of the film might end up on

abuse, preposterous stories and you could

Watkins used the same cinematic

Youtube pretty soon…

just see that. The nursery had been shut

framework – shooting re-enactments

down, one of the accused was now a chef

and fiction as if they were fact - to

Oskar Oprey: Have you seen

and I think the other was a teacher. They

cover a range of subjects. Witchcraze

Witchcraze recently?

were suddenly front-page news. One of the

follows a similar structure, and at

national tabloids had put them on the front-

times feels more like an episode of

Mark Hayhurst: I haven’t seen it for years.

page saying ‘do you know these perverts?’

Panorama than a piece of historical

It was pre-DVD, pre-digital and not the

or something similar. They just made a

drama, with the narrator standing in for

sort of thing you’d find on Youtube. It’s

bolt for it and changed their identities. I

a contemporary reporter. It was also the

not something I’ve thought a lot about

thought I’d love to make a film about this

first BBC programme to allow the use

since. Around that time I’d been trying to

- without trying to deny the existence of

of the word ‘cunt’. In one particularly

make a film about two people who’d been

pedophilia, as obviously it does exist - but

distressing scene, Carmichael stoops

accused of pedophilia in South Shields,

the idea that at the height of a panic you

over the post-interrogation Agnes: most

near Newcastle. A man and a woman had

can destroy people’s lives. Not just with

of her hair has been torn out, her face

been running a nursery in the area, they

the mob, but also by the mob being led by

now bruised and battered. He searches

were accused by a couple of parents and

aparently sophisticated intellectuals, which

her for the Devil’s mark – a marking on

the whole thing got out of control. The

is who this panel were. And then I thought

the body that all witches were said to harbour, in the form of a scratch or bite that Satan had inflicted. Lifting up her skirt, Carmichael inspects her vagina and finds what he’s after: ‘the lick of the devil, hidden from everyone apart from the lascivious. You have had a greedy time with Satan, and you have liked it!’ Carmichael and King James wasted no time getting their findings into print, publishing a users guide to the practice of hunting witches: entitled Deamonolgy, it is still in print today. Education secretary Michael Gove might decide to follow up his gift of a King

DR AGM AG

that’s a witch-hunt in a way, isn’t it? The little I knew about witch mania, that’s the way it worked: it wasn’t sufficient that the peasant was jealous of his neighbour’s cow, which was giving more milk, it was the fact that some expert, usually a religious expert, would come along and sanction their prejudice and take it out of all proportion. I thought that’s what I’ll do; I’ll make a film about a witch craze.

O: I agree with you that the modern equivalent of a witch would be a paedophile. It’s the ultimate crime you can commit in current society - apart from maybe terrorism - and if you’re accused, and even proven innocent,

the Protestant Church and the Catholic

critics hated it. Gareth McClean, in The

you’re reputation is ruined and the

Church – both as bad as each other.

Guardian, accused us of making children’s

damage irreparable.

So, to cut a long story short, I phoned up

television because it was sort of simplistic.

James, who I liked, and said ‘would you

This was the beginning of my glamorous

M: You need that scriptural element

like to do this?’ We managed to persuade

and gorgeous drama career. I didn’t touch

though, and I think what made it work in

the BBC that we could...

drama for a couple of years after that.

brought these intellectuals in. God Bless

James Kent: …on what was then

O: The way I remembered Witchcraze

intellectuals; I like them, but often they

considered - and is still - a very, very tiny

was – I was shocked. But I grew up

have an odd relationship to power. When

budget. It was three hundred and fifty

watching Eurotrash and violent movies

someone is willing to pay for their expertise

thousand pounds I think. It came out of the

whilst tucked up in bed late at night;

and plays to their vanity, on something so

Factual Department; Drama back then was

I wasn’t easily offended, and was

important, their wings do spread a bit. And

working on even far greater budgets than

interested in things like that. It was

because they had a popular prejudice to

it is now - so the divergence between what

more the fact that I was sitting in the

latch onto and inflame, the damage

we were working with to what they had…

living room with my parents on a school

was extraordinary.

I mean, you can tell because of course

night and watching this poor woman

you can only pay for a certain amount of

being brutalized. The torture scenes

O: So how would you have approached

extras. With the witch-burning scene there

in particular – you don’t really see the

that subject?

should have been two hundred extras and

torture on screen, but you certainly saw

we had five! But I remember watching…

the results.

places like South Shields was when they

M: Well, I wanted to make a documentary

was it Peter Watkins? I remember watching

about that particular case, but having failed

his Culloden, which I know inspired Mark,

J: And Carmichael is out in the corridor

to persuade the two people to appear in

and he had these long hand-held shots of

talking, but you can hear the screams.

the film, I made a parallel from another

weather-beaten Scottish faces. I thought

I decided to pitch the screams down

time. I did a lot of research into the 16th

that doesn’t cost much, to have a face

the corridor.

century Scottish Witch Hunts and got

and a costume because he would have

incredibly fascinated by the whole period:

made that film on very little. Most of the

DR AGM AG

O: And the guy with his legs all

mangled after they’d been crushed.

white too. That sense of what we now

interested for ten minutes and then ten

Again you didn’t see it happen, but you

regard as being old and vulnerable and

minutes later something else was going on.

clearly see the results. For that to be on

smoky and dusty wasn’t always like that.

Even more dangerous.

TV at primetime...

So I thought prison cells – especially a newly constructed one by a regime that is

O: There’s a few reviews available online

M: Interesting that you say that. If I had to

now hurling money at persecuting witches

and one of them concludes ‘Witchcraze

look back at the film and choose what I am

- is going to have the latest state-of-the-

was powerfully acted and well directed,

proudest of it would be the second half,

art facilities, and it aint going to have dirty

but failed to ignite much reaction in

which is radically different from the first.

walls! It’s going to be the best-looking

neither the audience or critics’. Well

The location shifts and it becomes even

building in the kingdom, so let’s make

that’s not exactly how I remember it.

more surreal, in the prison cell with that

it white.

But what I was going to say was that back then in 2003, we were just about

white environment. O: King James seemed to have a habit

to invade Iraq, and then a year later all

J: The cell, I mean basically it looked like

of interrogating his own subjects; he

those abuse photos from Abu Ghraib

a big white bathroom... we were trying to

personally tried Guy Fawkes didn’t

would emerge.

modernize if you like.

he? He was an interesting character, although not in a particularly

J: These dramas often – it’s about

pleasant sense.

serendipity of time.

of all people, called When the Cathedrals

M: He was one of those dangerous guys

O: Do you think if it had come out a

Were White. What he’s trying to do in the

who had a little self-education, but not

year later, suddenly people would

book is persuade people in the 1930s,

enough. Those types of people can be

have reacted differently and

when it was written, that new stuff is

very dangerous. He knew just enough

spotted connections?

always shocking. So the stuff he was

to torment that poor women and not

throwing up, or trying to throw up, had

enough to have doubts: really dangerous,

J: Yes, possibly. Y’know, Cathy Come

hardly any success. Of course it was brutal

especially in a man of power. I think our

Home: massive homeless problem in

- it was clean and it was gleaming - but

portrayal was good. But James 6th was

Britain in the late 60s, then Cathy Come

when the Cathedrals were built they were

a… his mind was wandering, he was

Home gets made. I’m not saying this would

M: At the time I was reading a book which I still love actually - by Le Corbusier

have had the same effect, but what I mean is for a historical drama to punch above its weight, it needs to resonate powerfully with the modern era.

O: Maybe, in a sense, for the critics it was ahead of its time. It did resonate with the era, but media hadn’t yet served the connections up... unless you were looking...

J: If there’d been a big paedophilia scare at that moment when Witchcraze came out, which is kind of why Witchcraze came about, it would have resonated and if the

DR AGM AG

lives were ruined by the thought that they might be next. And for no reason at all.

O: And a lot of children left without mothers… I was recently reading a newspaper story about Iran, where they’ve prosecuted some high-profile politicians for sorcery.

M: Well, that doesn’t surprise me.

O: I had a quote written down... ‘found guilty of invoking magical spirits to run the country at their will’. They’re trying to bring in legislation so the death penalty can apply.

Abu Ghraib revelations had come the

you said it I’d never really thought of it as

month Witchcraze was screened... well...

being a film about the supernatural. It’s

it’s relevant enough to be in an era where

much more – and this is the way it was

M: They must have got fed up with

these type of events happen regularly.

conceived – much more earth-bound. Sure,

prosecuting people for being Israeli spies,

Mark has already made a very valid case

it was about visions and seeings. Someone

so moved onto something else.

for why there are still witch crazes. The

said actually ‘do you think these witches...

Leveson Enquiry at the moment is full of

do you think there was actually something

O: So witchcraft isn’t so historically

people who have been hounded by the

going on, was this woman a mystic?’ I

removed as a metaphor...How many

tabloids, unfairly and unjustly. Take the

don’t know, I’m not really interested in that

people watched Witchraze do

McCann’s for instance: there’s been a kind

dimension; it’s the politics around it.

you remember?

public bought those papers. There was a

O: Same here. You can look at the

J: 1.7 million, it was something like that. I

kind of craze to hear about the McCann’s

magical element, but in reality it was

mean it got pretty good promotion...

and frankly a lot of willful suspicion about

this awful event pulling in more and

them fed by the tabloids.

more people... The Women’s Holocaust

M: It started off quite well, because the

as it’s sometimes referred to. I’m also

Observer Magazine had a special television

O: Kate McCann was perceived as

interested in the numbers; I think it

supplement and we got the front page, a

this witch who’d left her child alone

was roughly three thousand women

full colour photograph and a very

and vulnerable, and at one point it was

who were killed in Scotland, but when

decent preview...

alleged that she herself might have

you think of the population back then...

murdered Madeleine.

I wonder what that would equate to

O: What did the more right-wing papers

nowadays – twenty thousand?

think. What kind of review did The Daily

of mob mentality to that. But, y’know, the

Mail give it, do you remember?

M: At the same time you can overdo those analogies I think, and you can end up

M: In a short space of time as well, and the

diluting what a witchcraze is. We haven’t

arbitrary nature of the killings meant that

J: I don’t recall. Not their cup of tea

talked much about the Supernatural, which

for every woman killed, there were another

though, is it? Torture scenes

is interesting as that’s your angle and until

ten who were legitimately terrified. Their

at 9.15pm…

DR AGM AG

Photographed by Simon Woolf Styled by Kieran Partise

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Artist Max Prus picked us up in his latest

alongside a metal detector that Max had

could be standing on buried treasure.

acquisition; a second-hand window

purchased on eBay. He wanted to drive

In 2009, safari park warden David Booth

cleaners van he had recently bought

us up to Stirlingshire on a treasure-

unearthed one million pounds worth

for £400 from someone in Wales. As it

hunting mission because, he told us, a

of Iron Age jewellery in the area, and

only had two seats, our photographer

week ago he was walking in the fields

Max was inspired to attempt the same.

was forced to crouch down in the boot

there and had a strong ‘feeling’ that he

My only previous experience of Stirling consists of a disastrously dull family road trip around Scotland when I was 12 or 13.

As we drove along listening to Sunny Govan Radio, we compared our stories of family holidays from hell as I rolled him cigarettes and Scott bounced around in the boot nursing a hangover. To warm up for the interview, I tried out my Blind Date-style pseudo psychology questions, such as “If you were a crayon, what colour would you be?” (He answered “Sparkly white”) and “Which flavour of Walkers crisps best represents your personality?” (“Worcestershire Sauce” which, coincidentally, I was eating at the time).

We arrived at Mugdock Country Park and got out of the van. Scott wanted to take some photographs of us in the surrounding fields. By then the weather had changed to the standard Scottish summer fare of wet and grey, so the muddy ground soon proved to be a challenge for my white PVC stilettos and Scott’s 6 inch platform creepers.

After a brief rainy photo shoot involving Max and I struggling to climb over an iron gate and Max pretending to look for gold with his metal detector, I switched on the Dictaphone and began the interview.

Max Prus with Claudia Nova - photographed by Scott Caruth - as the dashing duo meander through the unspoiled beauty (ignore the pylons) of the Scottish Countryside.

Claudia: Max thinks there’s a derelict

C: Why did you do that?

castle nearby, so we’re gonna have a wander about and see if we can find it.

M: I love London, but I just wanted to get out of it. I’d never been to Glasgow before,

M: I was interested in theory at the time,

and I just wanted to try somewhere new. I

and I think the appeal of money was really

really liked Glasgow; I guess it’s quite small,

strong for me back then. But I turned up,

and so close to places in the countryside

and there was just a lot of useless, historical

like this. I made some really good friends

Scott Caruth: D’you think you can

data that I wasn’t so interested in: the rates

there, and it’s an easy place to make art and

get over?

of GDP in Great Britain in 1864, so I had

show people your work.

Claudia attempts to climb over a gate.

to get out of there. I was still painting and C: Fuck!

making movies though.

C: Your degree show piece caused quite a bit of controversy, and was one of the

S: Give me your bag.

C: So Max, I just want to ask some

C: Was it always your intention to be an

exhibition’s main talking points. Can we

artist, or did you specifically want to do

talk a bit about it? I remember it featured

something with economics?

a portrayal of John Lennon’s assassin,

boring questions about your background:

Mark Chapman, but played by a midget.

where you grew up, your family and shit

M: I’ve always just taken every day

Yoko Ono also made an appearance,

like that.

as it comes, and I’ve never really

although that was just someone in a

wanted to be anything. I had always been

Yoko Ono mask.

Max Prus: I can’t remember, it was

making art since I was young.

ages ago…

C: How old are you now?

M: That film was about a lot of different C: And has your art always been about

things: dehumanisation, celebrity,

similar kinds of stuff?

narcissism and modernism, so Yoko Ono fitted in perfectly. It was a piece that took

M: I’m twenty-five. No, twenty-four - I can’t

M: No it’s always changed, and I always

me a year to make; from the moment I

remember my own age!

try and do something different. It depends

picked up a pen to start writing the script,

where I am in the world, and what’s

to the filming of the final production. I was

happening at the time.

making it up as I went along, and things

C: So, where are you from originally?

were changed and it wasn’t contrived in M: Fulham, in South West London.

C: It’s so muddy. This doesn’t really help.

any particular way. But I think a few people were mistaken in thinking that it was an

C: And what were you like at school?

M: I’ve never done an interview whilst being

anti-establishment piece coming from

photographed at the same time.

inside the art school.

girlfriends, just an ordinary South-West

C: I’ve never done one whilst walking

S: Does that annoy you?

London life.

through the mud in white stilettos. I’ll

M: Quiet.... hanging out with mates,

wait till we get onto more solid ground

M: It doesn’t annoy me but I think it

C: And didn’t you go to University before

before asking anymore questions,

hampered people being able to see

you went to art school?

otherwise I’m going to fall arse over tit....

the work.

fucking hell... Oskar’s gonna have such a M: I did a foundation course when I was

laugh listening to the fucking recordings

S: They made you put a sign outside the

about eighteen, and then I went to

of this....so what made you choose

door, warning the public of the

study economics.

Glasgow School of Art then?

graphic content.

DR AGM AG

M: At first I wasn’t allowed to show it at all,

didn’t let you exhibit it? You wouldn’t

times and just got him to come down

and then I had to go into interviews with

have had much time to make

for a shoot.

the heads of the school. I told them I’d get

anything else. C: And did you give him the script and

a lawyer involved, and that’s when they

explain what you wanted him to do?

sort of budged and granted me permission.

M: I wouldn’t have shown something else.

I’ve tried to keep it all quiet since; it’s not

There were a couple of moments when I

something I’m necessarily proud of and I

thought I was just gonna show it in a local

M: Yeah, that’s how it worked and for the

don’t think the art school is very proud of

gallery at the same time as the degree

budget I had at the time he was quite

it either. The whole thing has subsequently

show, but I obviously wanted it in the

expensive, so we had to really shoot it as

been forgotten about.

McIntosh Building. Luckily it all worked out

fast as possible and that’s why he made

OK in the end.

some mistakes with his lines. But I think

C: Does it piss you off when people

we all had a really fun time and there was C: We had a similar kind of situation

a big group of people involved: some were

because Scott organised an exhibition

filming, some were doing the sound and I

M: I love the fact that people will be looking

called ‘A Royal Affair’ at the time of the

think he was really happy because he felt

at my work and talking to me about it in

Royal Wedding.

like a star. He’s used to doing stag parties

interpret your work in the wrong way?

the first place. I’ve generally got time for

at weekends – he dresses up as a smurf for

everyone’s opinion. So I wouldn’t get pissed

S: And I was in all those meetings as well

them and is usually handcuffed to the Stag.

off about it.

with the board of directors. They were

I think we were way more respectful and

just concerned about… they had this

less patronising. He had his own changing

image of Rangers Fans kicking off.

room and I don’t think he was used to

C: What do you think about people being cynical and seeing the whole piece as a publicity stunt or career move?

being on a film set – even though he’s an C: So in that case they weren’t just

actor, he’s used to live performance and

concerned about offending people, they

had also done a couple of pantomimes.

M: Em... I’ve never had anyone accusing me

also didn’t want to risk inciting a riot from

of that for those reasons, but maybe they

Glasgow’s Protestant Community.

video, has he seen it?

say it behind my back. But they’ve never said it to my face.

C: I’m not saying they have! I’m just

C: What did he think of the finished

S: They were also uneasy because I mentioned that I was going to hand out

M: I sent it to him and he didn’t actually

copies of The Anarchist Cookbook.

reply, but I guess that’s a good thing,

playing Devil’s Advocate here.

cause he obviously didn’t have M: And was there a riot?

M: But it wasn’t what I was trying to do at

any problems with it. Maybe it didn’t have that much of an impact on him.

all, it was a just a natural place that my work

C: There was nowt! Anyway, moving on:

was taking me. It was a product of the end

you tend to use a lot of performers in

C: It’s a shame he didn’t come to the

of my time there, and I loved Glasgow

your work – how did you find the dwarf

degree show.

School of Art - I had such a great time

guy who was in your degree show video?

there. To be honest, in retrospect I actually

M: I haven’t spoken to him in over a year;

enjoyed the worry of whether or not it was

M: He’s a professional actor actually.

going to be allowed to be shown. It was just

He’s Scottish, from one of the suburbs of

a really fun time.

Glasgow, but I can’t remember which one.

maybe I should give him a ring.

S: You had a black eye at the time…

I contacted him firstly through an agency, S: What would you have done if they

and then spoke to him on the phone a few

DR AGM AG

M: Oh yeah. I went out with my then-

girlfriend to a nightclub in Glasgow and

with consumption and the way society

M: Well, he did it onto a large panel of

then on the way back I just got attacked.

operates. I think it was to show people the

glass and then I was like ‘oh hang on,

sublime, which they are so used to, but

maybe I’ll get a few’. And then I originally

which they don’t get to see.

got seven because it was supposed to be

C: Really! By who?

‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarves’, but M: A drunk and angry guy who wanted to

C: Over the years at art school you’ve

I thought watching seven shits was too

fight someone. He punched me, and then

been making artwork involving shit -

much so I just used four in the actual film.

I head-butted him back and was like ‘what

either your own or other people’s. Has

are you doing!’ And then he saw I was

this always been a fascination?

C: I was talking to my flatmate Pedro about it because he was one of the

bleeding, and he was on the floor and he just got up and was all dazed and then ran

M: I remember when I first came to the

people who shat for you. He was saying

off. I had a black eye and I think he might

artschool and I did a couple of prints with

something interesting: that you would

have broken my nose you know. He hit me

shit on a scanner, and then it somehow

experiment with eating different types

quite hard.

existed through rumour. People were

of food to see what kind of shit

asking each other ‘have you heard about

that produced?

S: Welcome to Glasgow.

that guy who’s been shitting on scanners?’ That made me want to stop; I didn’t think

C: What about the shitting in the videos,

it was a good reputation to have and it

because I gather that was the main

wasn’t a good way to introduce myself to

talking point with viewers. Everyone

Glasgow. I didn’t do anymore work like that

would ask ‘Oh yeah have you seen the

until fourth year. I came back to it when

video with all the shit?’

I was drunk with my friend one day and I

M: Beetroot and Guinness - they release different colours.

asked him to film himself doing it onto the M: Yeah, it was probably the strongest part

camera, and it instantly worked– I thought

of the video actually, and it wasn’t intended

it was better as a video recording than as

to be. I guess people concentrated on that

a still.

S: What colour does Guinness produce?

M: Black.

because it’s something they hadn’t seen before and something they thought

S: Shit onto the camera itself?

S: And red for beetroot?

was disgusting.

When people excrete, it’s the first piece of art they ever make because it’s the first physical mark they make in the world. I’m showing this act from an angle that you might not see every day. The whole film was about the sublime I guess, and also shit has to do

Max and his leading man, in a production still from The Fairy Who Shot John Lennon, 2011.

The first one was in response to a series of really horrible lectures we had about feminism and Hollywood. I’m a feminist and, dialectically speaking, I do not think the lecturer got things right. I think her ideas were very concrete and I wanted her to loosen up a little bit; she was a hot and flustered academic. I also wanted to make her smile but that was a misjudgment on my behalf.

C: Do you enjoy provoking people?

M: Only people who might benefit M: Yeah, red for beetroot.

And green for West Prince’s Street, where I live: it must be something in the water. Laughter

from being provoked, but I don’t do it

work, and there’s a close-knit art scene.

intentionally.

Everyone’s really involved in doing interesting things, supporting each other

S: And did they give you a bad mark

and collaborating. How do you think that

for that?

would work in London, as you’re moving there shortly? Everything’s a lot more

M: Eh, yeah she failed me for that one.

spaced out. S: Did she? That’s bollocks. M: They’re both completely different and I was really happy in Glasgow for a bit,

C: Do you think it was purely because

but to be honest you can’t go somewhere

she didn’t agree with your viewpoint?

where you won’t recognise anyone. You

S: Do you think that living on West Prince’s Street has had an affect on your art and life in general? Can you talk about living there?

M: Yeah, of course it had an impact on my life because I’ve lived there for three years, due to the cheap rent. The flat was huge, so we turned it into an exhibition space where young artists could show work. It was a great place for likeminded people to meet, hang out and put on shows together.

C: You were saying earlier that some of the things you liked about Glasgow were

that it’s so easy to make art and exhibit

can never really be anonymous. If you

M: Yeah probably, but I think I also failed it

go to an exhibition it sometimes makes

in other ways – you have to format essays

you feel a bit claustrophobic. I want to go

and do page numbers and stuff.

somewhere I can hide away for a bit. I’m definitely going to come back and visit

C: There was another essay, and correct

Glasgow though because I really love the

me if I’m wrong, but I heard that it was

place.

an art history essay and you wrote about having a wank in the school library?

C: You also got into a bit of trouble with the Art School’s department of

M: Oh yeah. I’d forgotten about that one.

Historical and Critical Studies, they

That was because the essay was due for

objected to the essays you used to

submission that morning, but I hadn’t done

hand in.

anything so I wrote a poem with a lot of repetition: ‘up down up down up down up

M: Yeah, I don’t know why. Whatever I

down’. I just needed to do something

wrote was honest and from the heart.

really quickly.

Yoko Ono and Mark Chapman from The Fairy Who Shot John Lennon, 2011.

C: And what kind of response did you

M: Yeah, but I haven’t thought about

way people speak to you and it’s like... I

get from that?

Harriet Harman for three years; those

think it’s beneficial if you see what

feeling are long dead and buried. I think I

I mean.

M: I think FAIL.

was quite naïve at the time, and there are more beautiful people out there.

C: So you think it’s beneficial to be Conservative and ally yourself with the

Laughter

C: What do you think of the politics of

C: Do you feel like you’ve exorcised

party that currently holds power

Harriet Harman?

and influence?

M: Yeah, I think it was a fetish thing and I

M: I guess; it’s maybe got something to do

don’t have any of those feelings anymore.

with rhetoric, or maybe it’s because I hang

the art school, because it’s actually quite a Conservative establishment?

M: I’ve always tried to distance myself

around with so many strong leftists.

away from politics and I just get on with

C: So will you now make artwork about

what I do.

Louise Mensch, in a similar way?

C: So your reaction is to rebel against your peers, thus rebelling against

S: Do you think about politics at all,

M: I don’t think I’d make artwork about her,

in terms of current social and

but I’d love to meet her. If I was to think

economic situations?

about politics I think I’m a Conservative, I

M: Maybe not – I’d much rather make a

try not to but I think I stand closer to the

painting than get into an argument about

right than the left.

politics. I see it as a distraction from other

M: Not at all, apart from when I watched Question Time the other day and it had John Lydon on the panel, with

the Left?

things that the world can be. And I don’t C & S: Really?

think I know enough to talk about it.

C: Why is that? For what reasons? Not

S: You did a piece - I never saw it but

just because you fancy her.

somebody told me about it – where you

Louise Mensch.

C: Oh yeah.

sent off a painting to be executed in M: I fucking love her.

M: Not just cause I fancy her, I reckon the

China. By doing that, whether you like

S: You love her? Oh my God, I hate that bitch!

C: Why do you like Lousie Mensch?

M: She’s good looking and she’s... from what I could tell from the interview she seems quite evil in a really sexy way. I couldn’t get her out of my head for a few days. I think she’s really great.

C: Is that a similar kind of the thing to what you felt about the deputy Labour Leader, Harriet Harman?

Max’s erotic vision of Harriet Harman, deputy leader of the British Labour Party.

painting he’s done. And a couple of big paint brushes…

C: So is it a painting about painters and painting?

M: I guess, they’re also about other things: the marrying of conceptual art with social documentary and fantasy and just making objects.

C: Talk to us about Alan Davie. When you first started making art about him, I wasn’t sure if it was the real Alan Davie or a character you had invented. You also exhibited letters you say he sent you and the type of language used in the it or not, it’s essentially quite politically

C: So you went out to India and

correspondence is very similar to the

loaded. Would it bother you for people

commissioned these painters – who are

way you speak.

to purely talk about the politics of that

they, do they produce the Bollywood

situation, with issues regarding the

movie posters?

M: Maybe we’re just kindred spirits, but he’s a real person and one of Scotland’s

Third World? M: Yeah they paint Bollywood movie

most celebrated painters. He’s done

M: Well, if people wanted to talk about

posters and they can really really paint

thousands and thousands of paintings;

that they can, but the reason I did it was

there, something I could never deliver. I

he’s ninety years old now and lives in the

because I wasn’t confident enough with

went over there for about ten days. I made

middle of England. I think he’s just at that

my painting style at that time. I thought it

the original design and sort of told them

point in his life where he wants to – well,

would be a much better idea to have one

what I wanted them to do, but I also got

he told me he just wants to make one final

made for me, and I thought it was really

tuition through watching them work. They

masterpiece, and whether I can help him

amazing how it was produced on one side

paint in a very traditional way, following

along the way.

of the world and within two weeks you can

certain methods. It was just amazing to see

get it to your front door in Scotland.

how it was done and I think it helped my

C: How did you initially make contact

own painting practise a lot. Before, I was

with him?

Laughter

using a small brush and it took me hours to

S: Was it expensive?

do anything, but they showed me how to

M: Well he contacted me. He sent me a

paint quickly.

letter saying he’d met me before and he’d like to meet up again. I couldn’t remember

M: I think it was relatively cheap – that

S: What were the paintings that you had

meeting him before, but I didn’t ask him

one was about two hundred pounds but

produced there?

about that. He’s such a sweet and genuine guy – and a great painter, I really revere

it was quite expensive for what it was, considering I’ve lost it now. The one in

M: It was a picture of the Gallerist René

his stuff. He’s got a good lifestyle, well

India was a much better deal and I was

Gimpel holding a spade. The artist Alan

done for him.

pleased with it.

Davie is also there, advertising a big

This page: A production still from Captain Prus, 2010 Following page: Documentation of Max’s trip to India, where he supervised the production of Alan Davie’s Triptych, 2011.

C: What does he think of you and

C: Do you still keep in touch with him or

With the interview over, we returned to

your work, has he said anything

has the project ended?

the van and Max drove us up the road a

about it?

little further so we could go out and have a

M: Well, he asked me to help him show

M: Yeah, the Alan Davie project has ended,

spliff and a piss in a field overlooking a loch

but he’ll be a friend for life.

before heading back to Glasgow, having given up on the treasure hunt for now.

his big watercolour and he’s given me lessons on painting and I’ve given him

C: Well, until he dies, which may

my opinions of his paintings. We’ve had

be soon.

maxprus.com

a good relationship, so I’d say we get on, we’re fine.

M: Which is very sad…

C: Is this a role you would like to assume as well – the celebrity artist?

M: I don’t think so at all, and I’d prefer to stay off the radar and I would hate to be recognised in the street.

This page: The inside of a microwave. Previous page: One of Max’s failed essays, this one on the subject of feminism.

No children or animals were harmed in the making of this editorial.

DR AGM AG

Creative Direction by The Conceptionist

Models: Tessa Westerhof and Dewi Rees at Select

Fashion Assistants: Tanya Whyte & Alan Goddard

Model Management & Rory Smith at FM Models Make Up: Marco Antonio at DWM using Yves Saint Laurent Cosmetics Hair: Alex James Fairbairn using Bumble & Bumble

Post Production: Simon Thistle at Happy Finish Extras in Order of Appearance: Abigail Thomas, Brinley Thomas, Gemma Thomas, Dotty the Pig and

Special Thanks to Will Marsden, Lindsey Davies, The

Katie Davies

Thomas Family and All at Diesel.

DR AGM AG

W H Y

B O N N Y B R I D G E ?

AN INTERVIEW WITH COUNCILOR BILLY BUCHANAN TEXT BY OSKAR OPREY PORTRAITS BY KENNETH STANTON PHOTOGRAPHER’S ASSISTANT: UISDIEN WILSON

W H Y

B E T H L E H E M ?

Bonnybridge is a pleasant and

The Sloggets, a local family who were

did anyway. I hated living in Falkirk,

seemingly ordinary village in central

actually pursued by a spaceship. “It

but looking back can see that it wasn’t

Scotland. Take a stroll down its Main

landed in moorland”, says Mrs Slogget,

so bad and there was actually quite

Street and you’ll pass a handful of

in a news report from the time, “I

a lot to do; I went to drama class on

essential, small-town shops: Bonnie

noticed two smaller craft above the

Saturday (subsidized by the Council),

Cards and Gifts, Lindsay Gilmour’s

first one. Then we heard the sound

attended a film class on a Wednesday

Pharmacy, Paul’s Quality Butcher and

of what seemed to be a mechanical

(subsidized by the National Lottery) and

a café called The Coffeeteria. Wander

movement, as if some sort of door was

on school nights caught all the latest

in, say hello to the guy behind the

opening. I think that’s when we began

arthouse films at the Town Hall. Outside

counter and take a seat at an empty

to get really scared. We began to run

of London, there aren’t many places

table. Browsing the laminated menu,

back along the road. One of the craft in

where a kid can see Luis Bunuel’s Un

you’ll find that The Coffeeteria offers the

the sky followed us. Eventually it gave

Chien Andalou on a Thursday evening.

of local residents have had some sort

up, but we didn’t stop running until we

In amongst the boredom and social

of paranormal encounter in and around

got home.” Some locals even claim

problems usually associated with these

the area, which has been dubbed

to have been abducted, whilst others

post-industrial communities, there

The Falkirk Triangle, after the large

began to regularly hold all night sky-

were a few civil servants trying to do

neighboring town.

watches in the fields, all in the hope of

something different: Councillor William

photographing a UFO.

F Buchanan was – and still is - one

sort of cheap and cheerful fare you’d expect: black pudding sandwiches, cheese and tomato panini, baked potatoes. Take a closer look, and you’ll notice the chef can also whip up a UFO Burger. ‘What’, you may ask, ‘is a UFO burger?’ Allow me to explain: two quarter pound beef patties with cheese, bacon, fried egg, onion, relish and salad all wedged in between two cheese and ham toasties (a wooden stake is driven through the middle, keeping everything together), fries are served on the side. You’ll no doubt follow this up with another question: Why a UFO Burger? Bonnybridge is - or so it is claimed - the UFO capital of Europe, maybe even the world. For over twenty years, hundreds

Most of the sightings consist of

of them.

unexplained objects spotted in the sky,

My Mum is from Bonnybridge, and I

and these range from flashing lights to

was born and brought up in Falkirk. It

I had travelled up especially for a chat

house-sized metallic craft. Then there’s

seemed only natural to return home for

with him, as he’s the one man who

the old lady who photographed her dog

this Paranormal Special of Dragmag.

can reveal everything there is to know

chasing a silver orb around the back

When you’re growing up in a town, you

about the UFO phenomenon. With

garden. And I can’t forget to mention

always aspire to live in a city – well, I

Bonnybridge as his local constituency,

Above: Uisdien Wilson, the photographer’s assistant, tucks into The UFO Burger. Previous Page: Billy Buchanan photographed by Kenneth Stanton on the stairs of Falkirk Council’s Municipal Buildings, August 2012.

Billy (as he is more commonly known)

and organize exhibitions on interesting

response was “Oh, don’t tell me he’s

took an active interest in the sightings

local history. I’m a collector, I collect

going to interview Billy Buchanan.” I’m

from the beginning, and local residents

what you would call nostalgia, and

happy to admit that I’m rooting for Billy,

started reporting their encounters to

60s stuff – pop culture.” One of his

but I don’t necessarily believe or agree

him. The media were quick to jump

exhibitions included a show of drawings

with everything he says, although I do

on the Bonnybridge bandwagon, and

by German POWS who, during World

find it hard to comprehend that an entire

the Village’s name started appearing

War Two, had been imprisoned in the

community would conspire to try and

regularly in the press. It began with the

nearby village of Denny. He also has

deceive the world, with nothing to gain

local tabloids and then quickly caught

a sideline in commemorative plaques,

apart from embarrassment. Bonnybridge

the attention of the big international

often about forgotten railway disasters:

hasn’t become a money-making tourist

news agencies. By this point, Mr

“Did you see the one I did up in Glasgow

hotspot like Loch Ness (the UFO theme

Buchanan had become the unofficial

for the lost children of Maryhill? They

park never materialized). The UFO

face and pundit for The Falkirk Triangle;

were killed in a train crash at the

Burger is the only testament to the

any news story on the subject never

time of the First World War, but there

village’s strange claim to fame, yet even

failed to feature him. Flick through

wasn’t a gravestone and nobody knew

today locals are still seeing things in the

Youtube and you’ll find his appearances

or remembered them. I’ve also got

grey Scottish skies that seem to defy

on Strange But True, GMTV, BBC News,

a plaque in Castlecary for the Rail

logic. What follows is an edit from our

The Discovery Channel and a dubbed

disaster there, and one up at Larbert

long conversation; sit back, open your

German show called Taff, whilst his

Railway Station for the Quintinshill Rail

mind and enjoy…

gathered press clippings must outweigh

disaster of 1915.” And then there are

the Bible.

his collections of pop-artifacts (trains,

Oskar Oprey: So, Billy. I thought we

toys, a Dalek or two) and his extensive

could start off talking a little about

I’d met him a few times before - I once

archive of celebrity hair locks, which

Bonnybridge, which most of our readers

attended a lecture in which he revealed

he keeps in his hut: “I’ve got John F

will never have visited. You’re the local

plans for a proposed UFO Theme Park

Kennedy, Princess Diana, Napolean,

councillor, and one of the Village’s most

to be built in the area, but this was over

Nelson, Charles Dickens – I like Charles

famous residents: how would you

ten years ago and we hadn’t crossed

Dickens – Elvis, John Lennon. I think I’ve

describe Bonnybridge to the rest of

paths since. I arrived at Falkirk Council

got about five American Presidents”.

the world?

HQ on a warm, summer evening in July

Just think, a little piece of each of the

-Billy was already waiting to greet me

world’s most famous people, all of them

Billy Buchanan: When people talk about

in the foyer; he’s an arresting figure,

gathered together in Billy’s back garden.

Bonnybridge, they tend to bring up the

with the body of Danny Devito and

UFOs, but historically it’s a very significant

the hair of Karl Lagerfeld. We headed

Most journalists who covered

and fascinating area. As part of the

up to his cluttered but airy office, and

Bonnybridge in the 90s didn’t bother to

Industrial Revolution, it was famous for

he chatted to me about the various

mask their sneering undertone. Billy and

its brickworks and foundries, producing

projects he has on the go. UFOs aren’t

his constituents have faced ridicule and

goods that were shipped all over the

Billy’s only interest, and his role within

skepticism for over twenty years, and I

world. If you want to go back even further,

the local community outstretches

wanted to give him the chance to talk

Bonnybridge is also famous for its

the job description of any ordinary

freely and openly about his experiences.

historical sites; some of the best parts of

councillor. “For me, in order to survive

As you can imagine, local opinion of

the Roman Antonine Wall are still there, up

living in a rural location like this”, he

Billy is mixed - my Mum mentioned to

at Roughcastle. The last battle ever to be

tells me, sitting down at his desk, “I

her dentist that I would be in town to

fought in Britain also took place here – The

immerse myself in community work

write about the UFOs, and his immediate

Battle of Bonnymuir in 1820. There was

DR AGM AG

very little written about it, because at that

mine for years, we used to play football

residents of Notting Hill who’d spotted

time it wasn’t deemed appropriate to talk

together. He came in that night and told

UFO’s hovering above their town

about the political insurrections.

me about this sighting, this paranormal

houses? I mean, do you think it was

event that occurred when he was driving

purely a class issue?

O: How would you describe it nowadays,

down the back roads from Falkirk. It was

because obviously a lot of these

getting dark, and he saw this triangle of

B: Quite possibly, I would say that the first

industries across Britain are long gone?

lights hovering above the road – they made

two or three years were the worst. You had

no noise, and they weren’t moving. Now,

people like Patrick Moore: I remember one

B: Bonnybridge has been decimated like

he’s one of the nicest chaps you could

time he had a full-page article in The Sun,

everywhere else since the 1970s, with the

ever meet; not only is he honest, but he’s

in which he completely slated Bonnybridge

demise of the heavy industries. At the end

well read and very intelligent. When he sat

and he ridiculed me. So I phoned up

of it, Bonnybridge has become a residential

down to tell me about this, it wasn’t as if

the newspaper’s editor and says ‘That’s

area - a place to live in. There’s been a lot

he was fantasizing or was on drugs: he

unfair, I want a go at him!’ So they gave

of housing development, but we’ve gone

was one hundred percent truthful in what

me a page the next day, and I said “Look,

backwards in so much as at one time

he was saying. I said ‘well if you’ve seen

Mr Moore, keep your mouth shut about

Bonnybridge had four railway stations –

something, somebody else must have as

something you don’t know anything about.

now we haven’t any.

well’, because there were other cars on

Why don’t you come to Bonnybridge for a

the road with him. So I put a wee notice

weekend and I’ll take you around and we’ll

in the local papers, The Falkirk Advertiser

talk to these people? They’re not drunks

and The Falkirk Herald, and that was the

who’ve been at a Celtic VS Rangers match,

B: It’s sad because we’re unlikely to

real start of it. From then on there was a

they’re just ordinary working class people

ever get a railway station again. There

deluge; it was as though the floodgates

who’ve seen something that they cannae

are a lot of positives though; people are

had opened and everybody and their

explain”. But he never took up

living longer now, because the heavy

granny had a story to tell. And they all

the challenge.

industries – although they provided jobs

wanted to, so 1992 saw the real beginning

– also provided an early death. But you

of the phenomenon.

O: Four railway stations!

O: Did you witness anything yourself… well actually you did, because I saw

go into Bonnybridge today and you’ll see it’s vibrant; everything’s quite busy and

O: And it received a lot of attention

footage that you’d recorded. This was

it’s bustling. It’s no longer a village - it’s

from the press, with you as the

years ago…

really classified as a town now. The people

main figurehead.

who live here, as well as those who have

B: Aye, was that the one that I took out the

moved in, haven’t let the place sink to the

B: The media got involved at the beginning

depressing state of other places.

and weren’t very kind. They targeted the

back? How many years ago was that?

locals who were coming forward with

O: Probably fifteen, I was around eight

O: So let’s talk about the UFOs, because

stories of UFO sightings, portraying them

at the time.

2012 is basically the 20th Anniversary

as drunken Scots. They weren’t kind to

of the first sighting. How did this whole

me either, and I’ve had that cross on my

B: It was 8 o’clock one night, my wife

thing start exactly?

back all these years. The ridicule put a lot

was working late and I was in the house

of people off, and to be honest with you it’s

expecting visitors. I had popped into the

taken us an awful long time to get over.

back garden to put the rubbish out before

B: Well, for me it all started one night back in 1992. A very good friend of mine popped

they arrived. I looked up and I saw ten or

in for a visit, and we had a cup of tea and

O: Do you think the press would have

eleven of these lights coming across in a

a biscuit. This chap has been a friend of

reacted differently had it been the

wave. Just then they arrived at the door.

DR AGM AG

Billy photographed beside the grandfather clock in his office.

keeps asking ‘Why Bonnybridge?’, my simple answer is: ‘Why Bethlehem?’ That just shuts people up. Why was Christ born there? Why was Christ not born in Kilsyth? Or why was he not born at Petticoat Lane? We don’t know that, so the issue is that my neighbours and I, on a number of occasions, have seen things

I brought them through and I says

from Mars. Bonnybridge is

in the sky that we cannot explain. I was

equidistant from Glasgow

down seeing David Cameron a few months

and Edinburgh, both with

ago; we went to No. 10 and handed in a

airports. The sky above

petition. I said to David Cameron ‘Look

is used as a holding area

David, you stated that if you got elected

for them, along with the

you would come out with the truth about

airport at Newcastle.

the phenomenon’. I’ve got a letter here, it

There’s also a small one

wasn’t a response directly from him, but

nearby in Cumbernauld,

from someone high up in the RAF saying

which is only three miles

‘we’re not spending anymore money on

‘well,look at that’. I filmed it, and I mean

from Bonnybridge. People are used to

the UFO scenario, as there’s nothing

it’s incredible…

seeing helicopters and planes landing,

happening above the skies of Bonnybridge

but what people have been seeing is

that is a threat to national security’.

O: I do remember it, this group of white

unconventional. Now, lets get down to

lights darting around the sky. To be

the basics again: if the stealth bomber

O: This could mean that there are in fact

honest, I’m not sure what I believe – but

had been flying over Bonnybridge before

spaceships hovering above the village,

it would be hard to fake that video.

anyone knew what it was, people would

but because they aren’t planning to

be thinking ‘that’s something from outer

laser-beam the High Street it’s not

space’. Could it be military? Somebody

worth pursuing.

B: I don’t have the technology or expertise to fake anything. You can hear this guy in the background saying ‘what is that, is that a shooting star?’ I says ‘well a shooting star doesn’t go doon, or go up! This thing’s going up and doon, and round about in circles’.

Laughter

O: I remember that.

B: He’s saying ‘Well what is that?’ and I say ‘You tell me!’ Because, you’ve got to get back to the basics: a UFO is an Unidentified Flying Object. There is nobody claiming that this is a spaceship coming

Above: newspaper clippings from the early 90s.

B: Well that’s just it; it’s how you interpret

in those positions, Obama and so fourth.

the terminology. There’s nothing happening

Everybody thought Obama was going to

in the skies above Bonnybridge that’s

do this and that, but Obama’s been very

B: I remember one time I had a big UFO

a threat, therefor they do know what’s

disappointing. He only does what he’s

seminar in the town hall of Falkirk, and

happening – so why not tell us?

told to dae, and all the rest are the same.

I brought over – actually, I didn’t bring

You’ve got so many issues out in the

her over, she invited herself – Phyllis

O: It could just be to do with the global

world with the economic downturn, all this

Schlemmer. She’s a multi-millionaire

financial situation. We’re in the worst

poverty. Children starving in Africa, a child

American Israeli. If you go on the net you’ll

depression for over fifty years, and

dies there every three seconds.

find her book called Earth, the Only Planet

people are scrutinizing every pound of

to decide whether to intervene or not.

of Choice. It sold millions of copies. She

public money spent. Maybe if we were in

O: Children are going hungry in Britain

believes that she’s a ‘transceiver’, and that

an economic boom they’d embrace it.

as well.

there’s a higher order up there in huge big ships watching us disintegrate, and at

B: Well, the world’s so twisted. What

B: Exactly, at the end of the day people

the end of the day they’re ready to come

you’ve got to remember is Barack Obama

are focusing on all these problems; the last

down. Now, she contacted me and asked

and David Cameron and so forth – they

thing they’re going to be interested in is the

if she could come and speak. I organized

don’t run the country and they don’t

UK and other world governments in talks

a meal for her when she arrived. It took

run the world. You’ve got this higher

and collaboration with extraterrestrials.

place in The Castlecary Hotel and I had

organization; people have different

about thirty-two people there to give her a

names for it.

O: Which is interesting in relation to –

warm welcome. She brought this individual

I’ve read a bit of Iain M Banks, the scifi

with her, her name was Harmony, and if

writer, I’m thinking of his book State

I’ve ever met an alien, she was an alien.

of the Art, there’s a civilization known

I believe she was a reptilian, and this is

B: Aye, all that. We don’t know what’s

as ‘the Culture’; they’re on a huge ship

factual: nobody could take their eyes off

going on, we haven’t a clue. They probably

stationed above earth looking down with

her all night. She had long hands and feet.

don’t have a clue either; they’ve been put

a mixture of humour and horror, trying

I even said that to her, I said ‘By the way,

O: The New World Order?

I hope you’re not offended but everyone here thinks you’re an alien’. And she just laughed. Phyllis Schlemmer quite candidly told us that night – whilst having our steak pie and chips in the nice, quiet comfort of the Castlecary Hotel in Scotland - that she’d been on the moon… twice! When we went to the Town Hall in Falkirk, she got on that stage and said the same thing. A lot of people couldn’t connect with that.

O: Was the event busy?

B: There were a thousand people there. People came from everywhere, but she’s also got a huge following through her website.

The Castlecary Hotel, where Billy had dinner with the mysterious Harmony.

O: Tell me a little about other incidents

orb. Have you heard of these orbs?

that have been reported over the years.

B: I remember one time I was at a local

was quite happy to talk to them, and they interviewed me, but they were also keen

O: No, but am I right in thinking they’re

to feature other locals with stories to tell.

probably the size of a bowling ball?

I’ve always wanted this friend of mine to

charity event and this woman, a pensioner,

come forward - he’s a businessman, so

came up to my table and said ‘Billy can I

B: Aye roughly, and it had a bright light

was always hesitant to go public about

speak to you?’ I says ‘aye, I’m just having

shining out of it. She got a photograph of

the terrifying experience he had in his

a wee cup of tea, but I’ll come over and sit

the orb at the nose of the dog. I contacted

house. I phoned him up and says ‘Look,

with you’. She was at her table, and I went

a pal of mine at The News of the World

why don’t you come up the night; it’s

over and she says to me ‘These UFOs’ and

and they published the picture – it

going to be dark and we’re going to do

this is usually the slant that you get from

was phenomenal. *

something for Russian News - nobody

people, ‘do you really believe in them?’ And I says ‘Aye’. She says ‘Well, I’m going

there is going to know you’. So he brought O: I’d like to see it, do you have a copy?

to show you a photograph’, so she brought

his wife and his son up, and they went on Russian Television and he recounted the

out this photograph and I says ‘what the

B: I don’t know. I’ll have a look. In fact, that

night an orb came into his bedroom, and

hell’s that?’ One day, she was looking out

story reminds me of the time a Russian TV

how he believes that he and his son were

of her window into the back garden, and

crew came here; they just phoned me and

abducted; fifty-five million people

her black Labrador was running all over the

said ‘look, we want to do something on the

watched that.

place chasing a globe – what they call an

UFO phenomenon’. I told them that I

*We tried unsuccessfully to locate this photo. The News of the World folded in 2011 amid the phone hacking scandal.

Above and Opposite: “Greetings from The Flight Path”: two postcards envisioned by Kenneth Stanton, which showcase some of the sights (both on and above ground) from Bonnybridge and Falkirk.

O: What are these orbs though?

B: Some people think that they come from

spoken to people who believe they’ve been

they know I’m not going to laugh at them.

abducted, and I’ve twice met people who I

Anyway, I remember getting a phone call

believe were aliens.

from reception, saying there was

spaceships and act as a satellite or recording device.

somebody downstairs for me. I cannae O: Tell me about the second instance?

even remember his name, but I can always visualize him: blue eyes and sort of blonde

O: These are pretty crazy reports; I

B: It took place here, in the Council Offices.

hair, he had a blue linen jacket on and

mean, they go way beyond simple lights

I’ve had a lot of people coming to see me

brown trousers. He came up and started

in the sky.

over the years; some would think they’re

talking to me -

weirdos, but just because somebody’s O: In this very room we’re in now?

B: I can tell you stories that would make

had an experience it doesn’t make them a

your hair stand on end. But the thing is,

weirdo. It’s all about respecting people’s

at the end of the day, they’re first hand

views - you’re not necessarily respecting

B: Aye. I didn’t want to hurry him, but

accounts. You get these people who

their opinions, because an opinion is

you’ve got to remember that I was getting

charge you twenty pounds to hear them

different from someone telling you about

ready to go for my dinner. It was ten to

talk about conspiracy theories and show

their own experience. I respect that they

twelve and I usually go for my dinner at

a few slides. I’ve seen them; you tell me

went through something and it’s affected

twelve. But there was something about

of a ufoligist who’s ever actually seen a

them so much that they feel compelled to

him, so I sat back, relaxed more and

UFO? I’ve seen them, on a number of

come and speak to me, a wee Councillor

stopped thinking about the scampi and

occasions, and I’ve videoed them. I’ve

fae Bonnybrigg. People talk to me because

chips that was waiting for me in

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the canteen. I remember looking at him, and he had really piercing blue eyes; I’m not saying he was Avatar or anything, but you know what I mean? So he started talking about the UFO phenomenon in Bonnybridge and he said ‘although it’s a positive thing, there can be bad elements to all this…’ I’m beginning to get really interested, and he says ‘Y’know, I don’t come from this planet and neither do you.’ So I asked him where exactly he was from and he mentioned the name of this place. He says ‘Y’know, I’m a hundred years old’, now I didn’t go ‘bloody hell, this one’s a nut-job’, I didn’t do that, because I was tuning in with him, if that’s the right word: I was tuning in and relaxing. I mentioned

was quite long. He turned around and he

and people were blaming me for bringing

that we have an area not far from the

said to me ‘I’m trying to cleanse the area’,

this to our doorstep? But when you’re

original sighting; we call it ‘the flight path’

whatever he meant by that. I was a wee bit

outspoken and so fourth, as I am, you

as it seems to be the area where most

unnerved, because this wind just wasn’t

don’t fear anybody.

UFOs are spotted. He asked ‘can you take

normal, and I said ‘oh right’. I came around

me to this place?’ So I remember getting

the front of the car because my door was

O: Were some of the local people hostile

in the car with him, and we went up to

still open, and he was gone.

towards you at the time? I can’t imagine everyone being happy about the

this place - now there’s a wee area on the way called Lochgreen Road, and it goes

O: He vanished?

media attention.

B: Just completely vanished.

B: Aw aye, I’ve heard some folk say ‘oh

right along the back of High Bonnybridge and this is usually where the majority of UFOs have been seen. So I took him up

you’re a nutter’ and all that.

there. Now then, this is where it gets a

O: You say you were unnerved, but

bit hairy. He started telling me about the

don’t you ever feel threatened? This

negativity all this has for the area; he says

stranger has appeared in your office,

‘you’ve got to remember that not all aliens

claimed he’s an alien and half an hour

B: I got that a lot at the beginning. People

are friendly’. It was the usual stuff: there’s

later you’re driving him down a desolate

were driving past me in their cars and

people walking about in society just now in

country backroad. He could have

pointing up at the sky. I even remember

high positions and they are aliens, they’re

been dangerous.

when I was getting married and they had

not Homo Sapiens, or whatever you want

O: Did you get that a lot?

posters around Bonnybridge of me going

to call us. We parked in this wee layby

B: Well, see, not really.You’ve got to

away on my Honeymoon to the planet

and got out. It was a nice summers day,

remember that this has been going on

LooLoo in a flying saucer. Now, I can cope

and he was standing there, looking out

for twenty years and I’ve been involved

with that, but my wife – and it’s been a

and not saying anything. Next thing this

from the beginning. I’ve met thousands of

difficult one because I’ve got my daughter

wind got up out of nowhere and it blew

people from all over the world, and maybe

now as well. I remember I went to Dennis

right through the fields, coming towards

further afield, you know where I’m coming

Canavan, the local MP, who was supposed

us and sweeping up his blonde hair, which

from? It ridiculed Bonnybridge for a while,

to be the bastion of democracy. I says

Previous Page: A playful (if slightly mocking) poster from Billy’s archive; part of a series by persons unknown, these were pinned around the Council offices. This Page: A UFO photograph from Billy’s archive, this was originally published in The Glasgow Herald.

to Dennis early on ‘Dennis can you…’ he

the truth –

says ‘Look Billy, let me give you a tip: keep away from this, because this is suicidal

O: And not just about UFOs I’m guessing?

when you’re a councillor and a politician, they’ll just laugh at you.’ Now, they’ve

B: Aye, about everything. And I’m in trouble

laughed at me, and they’ve made fun of

all the time. The thing is, people don’t like

me - but I still get elected. Nobody mocks

hearing the truth, especially about these

Bonnybridge anymore, and you still get

so-called politicians. So I’ve been person

the sightings. Even when we were going

non grata for a number of years and any

round canvasing recently for the election,

ideas that I come up with like that, they

people were telling me about the massive

wouldn’t support. But when you think

sightings in Bonnybridge just two or three

about Roswell - which is supposed to be

weeks ago.

the site of a flying saucer crash - it has a UFO center and people visit the place as

O: I remember you wanted to build

if it’s some sort of Mecca. People come to

a visitor center. It’s a shame it never

Bonnybridge as well though: the Japanese

happened; I mean look at Loch Ness,

have been here, the Americans, the

with two huge visitor centers competing

Germans, the Dutch, South Africans. You

to attract the thousands of tourists

name it; they’ve all been here.

who flock there every year. And the whole thing’s based on a few faked

O: What’s actually in the Main Street?

photographs of a supposed dinosaur in the water.

B: There’s a wee café, and a pub. See the thing is – you go into Bonnybridge and

B: I remember a Dutch company came to

there’s nae tacky shops selling UFO mugs

me and they wanted to build a UFO theme

and T-shirts and all that.

park. Now, that would have created a couple of thousand jobs in the area, but I

O: But visitors could go to a center that

was accused of exploiting Bonnybridge.

wouldn’t just be about UFOs. Or you

I’ve got all these constituents who can’t

could have an amazing restaurant with a

afford to buy their own house. If they got a

glass ceiling…

job they could get on the housing market and it would draw people to the area. Look

B: Yeah, it could be educational and I

at Roswell; at one point I was in contact

wanted to do that - have a website and so

with the mayor of Roswell and we were

forth. But the fact of the matter is we’ve

going to twin the two towns.

got an affinity with Roswell because we’ve both had a phenomenon.The difference is

O: Did that actually happen?

that Rowell has made millions of dollars over the years – and only one thing actually

B: No, because I didn’t get the support

happened. Yet in Bonnybridge, things are

anything to benefit myself. I could have

from the council. You’ve got to remember

happening all the time. People are looking

made thousands of pounds - I’ve been on

that I’m a bit of a controversial character.

now, actually looking and coming forward.

two hundred and ninety documentaries

By controversial, I mean that I speak

But at the end of the day, I’ve never done

worldwide and I’ve only ever been paid

Video stills taken by Oskar Oprey from Billy’s UFO encounter.

three times. I didn’t ask for the money,

people say ‘well, if there were aliens out

after death? We could all be living under

so gave it away to local schools. Taking

there, you can forget about how we regard

the same roof, so to speak. Do you

money, and getting paid for anything,

churches, religion and the existence of

personally believe in God?

would strip away the credibility of what I’ve

God’. Now, whether you’re an atheist

been looking for all these years – which is

or whether you’re a Christian, you’re

B: Aye, well I’ve got a real Christian outlook

an answer.

supposed to have values, right? We’ve

on life. I sometimes think we’re all the

had these commandments set out before

same – you go through the process of

O: What do you personally believe is

us since childhood: you shouldn’t do this

not believing, but then when it comes to

going on?

and you shouldn’t do that. Western Law

the crunch things in your life, when you’re

is based on these values. Some do break

in grief or in trouble, you’re looking for

B: I’ve heard that much over the years

them, but the majority of people cling on to

spiritual help. I think the majority of people

that I don’t know what to think. One of

them, along with the possibility that there’s

in western civilization, whether they want

the issues that I’m

to admit it or not,

really interested

share the same

in is time travel.

concept. The fact

People believe that

is, if that was taken

the Russians and

away from them…

Americans have

you know where

cracked it. Some

I’m coming from.

theories claim that

If aliens landed in

UFOs are humans

the Whitehouse

coming back in

gardens tomorrow,

time to view the

I think it would kill

world.

Christianity.

And the thing is how do we know?

O: You think it

I mean look at the

would cause

advancement of

global chaos and

technology in the

the breakdown

past fifteen,

of society?

twenty years. I mean they cannae keep up with

life after death. So, you take that away

B: Yes, there would be a breakdown in

the technology.

from people and what kind of world would

society. And if there are aliens … see, the

you live in? What kind of world would you

thing is I don’t even like calling them that.

O: So maybe it’s not that the Russians

live in if you thought there was nothing

I’ve got a good photograph, in fact I’ll

have invented time travel, but that they

after death, and at the end of the day you

get you a copy, of Uri Geller and I. We’re

will invent it and this is them using it to

could go out into the world, take what you

standing outside of this building and Uri’s

come back. Say in two hundred years

want, do what you want…

looking into my eyes and he says ‘You

they’ll invent it and come back to 90s Bonnybridge.

don’t come from this planet’, and I says O: ...Rape whoever you want and kill

‘Uri, there’s a lot of people who would

whoever gets in your way. But surely

agree with you.’

B: But I mean the whole concept of it - it’s

the existence of a non-earth bound

not a laughing matter anymore. Some

species doesn’t mean there is no life

Billy and Uri Geller outside of the Council offices.

Photographed by Paul Bernard Knight Styled by Kieran Partise

“What! You’re still looking at ‘things’ instead of what ‘things’ are doing?”

- Dennis Severs (1948-1999)

The wine glasses are topped up and the curtains drawn, plunging Dennis Severs’ House into near-total darkness. Dressed in the collections of London’s most sought-after new designers, our gang of frolicking aristocrats prepare to begin their séance. Outside, on the cruel streets of Victorian Spitalfields, a murderer lingers in the shadows.

Shot at Dennis Severs House, 18 Folgate Street, London, E1 6BX dennissevershouse.co.uk

Special Thanks to: Mick Pedroli, David Milne and Spoke Studios

Alona Wears Powder and White Lace cut out Gown with Embellishment and Liquid Bronze Organza & Velvet Skirt with Swarovski Crystal Embellished Lace, Sarah Baadarani 2 Row Pearl Necklace, Hirst Antiques Green, Dragonfly & Clear perspex Bracelets and Large White Paste Ring, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques Tom Wears Black Wool Dinner Suit and White Cotton Shirt, Hiroaki Kanai White Silk Pocket Square, Beyond Retro Black Leather Eye Patch, Mr & Mr Black Ribbon Bow Tie, VV Rouleaux Stas Wears Black Wool Dinner Suit, White Silk Shirt, Black Haider Hat, Suede Bow Tie and Black Leather Gloves, All by Mr & Mr Red Wool Pocket Square, Beyond Retro Irene Wears Laser Cut Metallic Gold Dress with Silk Tulle, Inbar Spector Pearl Necklace, Maria Piana All rings, Hirst Antiques Blue Glass Stone Broach, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques

MR & MR We wanted to dress a certain type of man... Burt Reynolds, James Bond (pre Daniel Craig) and Action Man: very masculine and confident, but still a simple aesthetic. The 70’s through the 90’s have had a huge impact on our work, what with the demise of masculinity in the 80’s: moustaches were negatively portrayed, leather was only associated with S&M and chest hair was considered repulsive. Those are the very

reasons we want the era of hyper masculinity to be re-established within fashion. Natural and sexy! What kind of scary movies do you like? I like Asian horror films...they’re so creepy and play on the characters’ emotions and paranoia, rather than just showing a bunch of teenagers staying somewhere remote on their own, then answering the door!

DR AGM AG

Bottom Left: Irene Wears Ice Blue Lame gown with hand dyed lace applique, Sarah Baadarani Silver Fox Fur Jacket, Aminaka Wilmont Extra Large Duck Egg Blue Silk Hat, Laura Apsit Livens Pearl Earrings, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques Alona Wears Black Gown with cut out Detail and Leg Slit, Safiyaa at Wolf & Badger Black Ostrich Feather Fur Jacket, Spijkers en Spijkers Large upturn in sinamay handblocked with velvet tubing and Jewel, Philip Treacy Turqoise and White Paste Drop Earrings, Turquoise and White Paste Necklace and Monochrome Perspex Bracelets, All by Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques Bottom Right: Irene Wears White Snow Cady Column Gown,Sarah Baadarani White Fox Fur Waistcoat, Catherine Bell White Paste Ring, Hirst Antiques Blue Glass Stone Broach, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques White Silk Gloves, Beyond Retro Feather Headpiece, Stylistâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Own Stas Wears White Fox Fur and Wool Coat, Catherine Bell White Cotton 3-piece Suit, Hiroaki Kanai Black & White Leather Shirt, Mr & Mr White and Gold Ribbon, V V Rouleaux

LUKE EDWARD HALL I wanted the collection to represent my style, a style that I have been developing over the past couple of years. It needed to be very romantic, very colourful, and very, very English. I wanted to achieve exactly the right balance of sophistication, boyishness, romance and playfulness. I suppose I design for myself, really. Naturally, a few bits and pieces in my graduate collection were designed more for show – the

wicker crowns for example… although I do occasionally wear one at breakfast. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes I think I do. I’m quite a spiritual person in fact. I’ve been heavily into researching the occult and folklore since childhood. Our country’s

DR AGM AG

history of magic and mystery absolutely fascinates me. I’ve never actually seen a ghost however, and I’m not entirely sure that I’d like to. My aunt saw one in her house once when I was a young child (she lives in an old dairy, on the edge of a large forest), and I couldn’t sleep for weeks afterwards, I was so worried about the whole experience.

Stas Wears Breanish Tweed Check School Blazer, Hand-knitted Green and White Wool Cricket Jumper, Pale Blue Cotton Shirt and Running Fox Print Cotton Trousers, All by Luke Edward Hall Alona Wears Long Sleeved Purple Knitted Wool Dress, Ting Kelly Yan Black Ribbon, VV Rouleaux White Paste Drop Earrings and Large White Paste Ring, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques

DR AGM AG

Alona Wears Embroidered Velvet and Silk Dress, Elliot Joseph Rentz Long Sleeve Gold Silk Gloves, Rokit Turquoise and White Paste Broach and Large White Paste Ring, Gillian Horsup at Grays Antiques Red feather and Net Headpiece, Stylists own Tom Wears Red and Blue Spot Print Wool Suit, Peter Bailey Orange roll neck Wool Jumper and Purple Cotton Shirt, Luke Edward Hall Red Ribbon Bow Tie, VV Rouleaux

ELLIOT JOSEPH RENTZ “Beauty is pain”: a dying statement that I’d like to remind people of. I often feel that the women of today are somewhat lazy in the way they display themselves. The hard beauty of the Elizabethan era is something I’ve referred to, where looking good was a painful course of

This issue focuses on the paranormal - do you believe in ghosts? hard work and dedication. Using rich colours and heavy fabrics, I’ve added my own touch and created small-waisted gowns with the contrast of a modernized silhouette.

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It would be awfully interesting to believe we were surrounded by others. However, the people I see around me are haunted enough by real events.

PETER BAILEY If I had a mission in life, it would be to make more colourful clothing for men. I guess the beginnings of this collection sprung from imagining what would happen if a mod clashed with a psychedelic hippy. I love trawling through old books and magazines and getting obsessed with a specific era. I have this old book on American folk denim; it was published in 1975 and documents the most amazing embellished, embroidered and painted denim. Hippies spent

hours working on their own designs, before coming together from all over the country to hang out and show off their creations. I love the idea of that. Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s your favourite horror film? The Witches - that film had me very concerned as a child.

Models: Alona Sendetska and Irene Bagach at Elite London & Stas Svetlichnyy and Tom Ashton at FM Models Hair Stylist & Wigmaker: Seema Chopra using Bumble & Bumble Make Up: Bunny Hazel Clarke using MAC Cosmetics Manicurist: Marie Isabel using MAC Cosmetics Creative Direction by The Conceptionist

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Elliott O’Donnell (1872 – 1965) was a writer and ghost hunter who rose to fame in the early 20th Century with his books on Phantoms, Werewolves and the Occult. His ‘true accounts’ of hauntings – although probably exaggerated / completely fake - were instrumental in turning the world of the supernatural into a popular form of mass entertainment, way before TV programmes such as Most Haunted. Clad in a cape and always carrying a cane, he cut a dashing figure as he travelled tirelessly around the country in search of a paranormal fix. Seeing as he was unavailable for an interview, I decided to write him a letter instead. Text by Oskar Oprey

DR AGM AG

Dear Elliott,

this intriguing, and you’ll be glad to hear

events each weekend, with almost 300

that I was invited along to one of these

being held throughout 2012 alone. We

I hope this letter reaches you safely, and

events a couple of nights ago. Haunted

specialise in giving people the opportunity

that the afterlife is treating you well - if

Happenings claims to be the UK’s premier

to carry out a safe and structured

indeed the afterlife actually exists, and

Ghost Hunting company, and for £75.00

investigation in some of the most haunted

I hope for Satan’s Sake (to steal the

(£1 9s 9d in your day) they offer visitors

buildings in the UK. We also recognize

title of your first novel) that it does. I’ve

the full works: a historical venue, psychics,

that everybody has different opinions and

been reading quite a few of your books

ghost-hunting equipment and lots of

perspectives regarding the Paranormal

recently, many of your classics – Menace

coffee. I attended their all nighter at The

World, and we do everything possible

of Spiritualism (1920), The Haunted Man

Clink Prison Museum in London, along

to make sure our guests experience

(1917) - are still ‘in print’, but you’ll be

with the photographer David McLean

an honest investigation, taking their

horrified to learn that they’re available only

and the illustrator Mina Milk. What I’ve

experiences away to draw their

as Kindle downloads. A Kindle is an evil,

always loved about your books is the

own conclusions”.

digital entity that preys on the lives of real

visuals - your stories are often preceded

books. Believe me Elliot, when I say that

by an amazing black and white illustration.

It’s interesting that you were initially a

you would hate Kindles as much as you

I’d asked Mina to do something similar,

skeptic Elliott, until you had that encounter

hated the servants that worked in all those

depicting the spirits that we would

with a banshee, the female death omen

haunted houses you visited. I mean, you

hopefully encounter later in the evening,

whose wailing forewarned you of your

seriously hated the serving class, if your

whilst David was going to photograph the

father’s impending murder. I myself am

1920 collection of Scottish Ghost Stories

Clink’s exhibits, which consist mostly of

around 95% skeptical, but I’d really like

is anything to go by: “like the majority of

distressed looking waxworks.

all this stuff to be true. It’s like my views

present-day domestics, products of the

on David Icke, the famous TV personality

County Council Schools, they were so

It was a warm September evening, and

who believes that the world is secretly run

intensely supercilious and silly (that) no

Clink Street was swarming with tourists.

by an ancient bloodline of extraterrestrial

apparition with the smallest amount of

Arriving a little early, I hung around the

reptilians. In his view, major figures (such

self-respect could risk coming into contact

museum’s entrance, chain smoking

as Queen Elizabeth II) are in fact lizards.

with such inane creatures.” It’s hilarious

cigarettes whilst chatting to Yvonne

Now, I don’t believe this for a second -

that you think ghosts are snobs, and I hope

Coulthard, who has worked with Haunted

but I’d really like to, as it would all make

you were reminded of your own poverty

Happenings for the past five years.

sense. And so I’d tried to brush away my

stricken youth when your life flashed

Although not a professional medium, she

preconceptions and had arrived with a

before your eyes. Apologies, I’m not here

does, as you would say,‘possess the

clear head and an open mind – it would

to reprimand you. The tone of this letter is

germs of psychism’. “I don’t classify myself

have been fun to have turned up a little

supposed to be friendly, and I thought you

as a medium” she tells me, “but I am a

drunk, but alcohol is strictly prohibited

would appreciate a little update from the

size twelve so must be.” The Clink is one

on these events: “Spirits and spirits don’t

land of the living.

of her favourite locations, as something

mix”, Matt wisely pointed out.

paranormal always seems to happen. We Ghost Hunting has come a long way since

were joined by Matt Shanks and Wayne

The other guests had begun to arrive:

your time - it’s now a whole industry, with

Spurrier, both of whom would also be

about twenty-five altogether, many

various companies offering the general

running the evening, but from a more

of them returning customers. We all

public (yes, that’s right Elliott – ordinary

scientific perspective. Wayne provided

huddled together for a group photo

people) the chance to spend the night in

me with a bit more information on the

before descending into the depths of the

a haunted location. I thought you’d find

company: “We run on average around 6

museum, located below street level. The

DR AGM AG

commemorative plaque outside declares

running their cold fingers across

of the evening: “there is the energy of a

The Clink (1151- 1780) to have been

our backs?

woman, and she’s hovering around …I

the ‘Most Notorious Medieval Prison’,

keep getting the name Mary, so hopefully

and the in-house curator backed up this

After the tour, the lights were turned off

Mary’s gonna come in”. She then began

proud claim with a brief tour around the

and the place was pretty much plunged

to address Mary directly: “Come on and

exhibits. “The reason the prison was set

into darkness. It was time to get down

make yourself known to us, we’re not

up – and it may well have been the first

to business, and first on the agenda was

going to cause you any disrespect or harm.

English prison – was in a response to local

a group vigil, led by Yvonne. Holding

Use the energy of these people freely, just

circumstances” he informed us, as we

hands, we formed a circle around the

walk round the circle and make yourself

wandered around the mannequin displays.

largest of the Clink’s rooms; a FIRE EXIT

known – touch them, come and join us.”

What with the area being Southwark, a

sign flickered in the distance, whilst the

“Oh my God”, whimpered a female voice

borough outside of London’s jurisdictions

mannequins took on the appearance of

from the other end of the circle, “my left

at the time, these ‘local circumstances’

neglected children. Yvonne helped us

arm’s gone absolutely freezing.” “ And I’ve

consisted of all the

just gone really tingly”,

tribulations you’d expect

came another, this time

from a 13th century red-

one of the guys. “Come on,

light district. “This was

keep going”, Yvonne told

the place to come and get

Mary, whilst at the same

drunk, gamble, pick up

time trying to reassure the

prostitutes and watch dogs

living “she’s as nervous

tearing into bears: this is

as you are, just go with

where Londoners came to

it - nobody’s going to harm

party. But all of that’s got

you.” The girl claimed

a certain amount of petty

that her arm was rising up

crime tied in with it.” The

of it’s own accord: “Oh

Clink was established as

my God – I’m not doing

a holding area for those

it! I’m a hundred percent

degenerates who had

positive.” Whilst this had

overstepped the mark, and

been happening, Wayne

although it wasn’t necessarily a torture

construct a ball of protective white light

had moved into the middle of the circle and

chamber, the squalid conditions were

around ourselves: “you’re actually in a

placed a small, electrical device containing

horrendous. Sewage and dirty river water

balloon of this white light - just push it

a green light onto the ground. “You’ve

spilled down into the cells from the street

around and in front of you, and that’s you

probably heard of EMF (electromagnetic

above, and the prisoners were left at the

all protected. Now, lets see if we can get

field),” he explained to us a minute or so

mercy of their abusive keepers. Basically,

some of these spirits to come and talk to

later, “we think ghosts and spirits give off

the site had been one long, century-

us….” I couldn’t quite grasp the general

electrical energy, which this device picks

spanning bad vibe, and we were hoping to

feeling in the room – were we all about to

up on. If they move closer to it, the light

tap into all of this negative energy. Surely

fall into a trance or burst out laughing? The

will start to flicker - so throughout the night

the spirits of these wretched whores and

girl next to me apologized for her sweaty

we’ll be asking spirits to touch it. Are you

pickpockets would still be lingering in the

hands, but I assured her that most of the

still picking up on this lady Yvonne?”

shadows, and would acknowledge our

sweat was probably mine anyway. By this

presence by kindly blowing in our hair, or

point, Yvonne had found our first spirit

EMF might have been a bit after your

A group photograph outside of The Clink Prison Museum, before the ghost hunting commenced.

One of The Clinkâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s many waxworks, photographed by David McLean - check his blog shotbyshooter.blogspot.com to see more of his fantastic work.

time Elliot, but I’m sure you were well

them knowing. In theory, the participants

was losing patience with him: “Come on

acquainted with table-tipping, which was

were actually causing the table to tip in this

Royston, put your hands on the table and

up next. We had been divided into smaller

direction, and were unknowingly teasing

stop winging!” “I’ll go home”, he retorted.

parties, and I tagged along with a group

their friend, though I’m sure they would

“No you won’t, because you came in my

of friends from Romford - an even balance

deny doing such a thing to poor Royston.

car, and besides Royston – it might be a

of believers and non-believers, this was

I had placed my Dictaphone directly onto

lady, it might be a pretty lady.”

their second ghost hunt. We got to work

the table, recording the gentle rumbling

“It never is…” he mumbled, as his eyes

with a small coffee table that reached no

of its wooden legs as they rocked back

remained fixed upon his fingertips.

higher than our knees. The idea is simple:

and forth against the stone floor. Royston

all participants place their finger tips onto

had wearily rejoined the group, but was

We kept the best part until the end: I

the surface of the table and any spirits

still incredibly tense. “Listen, don’t touch

assume you were an avid user of the Ouija

present will use our collective energy to

the table if you don’t want to,” Wayne said

Board Elliot. I had never played with one

gently tip it in different directions. Almost

reassuringly, “because I want you to be

before, but had done a bit of research

immediately a ghost was upon us, or to

comfortable.” He then turned his attention

earlier on in the day. Originating in the late

be more specific, it was

1890s, when you were

upon a guy called Royston.

roughly the same age

The table would only

as me, they became

move when his fingertips

popular across the

rested on its surface,

world as a legitimate

and it only wobbled in

form of ghost hunting

his direction. Apparently,

equipment, even

it was the same on their

though they were

last ghost hunt – nothing

(and still are) licensed

happened unless he was

and produced by the

participating. A big man,

American toy company

dressed in jeans and a

Hasbro. They haven’t

vest, he was terrified and

changed at all since

completely out of his

your days – it’s still just

comfort zone. “I don’t like

a piece of board with

it!” he would bellow, pacing

the alphabet printed in

around the room as his friends pressurized

to the spirit, wherever and whatever it

the middle, along with the numerals 0-9

him into rejoining: “Come on Royston, it’s

was, “Spirit, you seem to respond more

and the option of YES and NO. Participants

what we paid for!” “It’s the same bollocks

when this gentleman is with us, if that’s

place their fingertips onto the top of an

as last time,” he shrieked back at them,

the case –“. The table jerked suddenly.

upturned glass, which is positioned in the

“this shit only ever happens to me– it

“It’s moving!” screamed one of the girls.

middle of the board, before asking the

freaks me out!” Now Elliott, since you’ve

Wayne remained calm, he has the tone

spirits questions, and the spirits in turn

been gone, scientists have been working

of a friendly doctor, “Thank you so much,

push the glass over the symbols to spell

hard to try and offer an explanation as

please keep going and just see if you can

out their answers. Although appearing like

to why these seemingly unexplainable

push it a bit more for us.” Sure enough, it

a harmless game of Monopoly, those with

movements occur. They claim that the

rattled, tilting in the direction of Royston.

firm religious beliefs would consider our

“ideomotor response” is in fact the culprit:

“Hold on” he squirmed, “it’s going through

activities both dangerous and UnGodly

basically, a person’s brain and muscles are

the roof again – I don’t like it!” One of the

(Evangelicals in the USA are prone to

subconsciously reacting to an idea without

ladies, who I presume was Roy’s partner,

burning Oujia boards along with Harry

Table Tipping in the dark with the gang from Romford.

Potter books). I’d had a chance to talk to

visited the coast? The glass would move

middle, and as a night out it’s pretty unique

Matt about them when we were outside,

around the various letters, but nothing

and far trippier than popping a pill in

having a post-vigil cigarette break. “To

coherent was ever spelled out. A scientific

a nightclub.

be honest, with the Ouija Board”, he tells

study would probably conclude that we

me, “the only danger is when people start

were just subconsciously pushing this

I hope you’ve found my account interesting

doing it at home by themselves; they think

glass around at random. A spiritualist, on

Elliott, though I imagine it wasn’t crazy

they’re talking to a loved one and start

the other hand, would be quick to point out

enough to merit a place in one of your

making life-changing decisions based on

that an uneducated peasant girl from the

books. Sadly, there were no floating

what they’re told”. I pointed out that some

1600s wouldn’t be able to spell much, if

heads or phantom regiments, but I’m

other ghost-hunting companies refuse to

at all. By this point, believe it or not, we’d

sure you could have embellished it a little:

work with them at all: “The reason most

been ghost hunting for over four hours, and

the table would have levitated in mid air,

people say ‘stay away’ is because they’ve

had grown used to the humid atmosphere

chasing Royston around the room, Mary

done it when drunk, had a bit of a bad

and lack of light – this most notorious

would have possessed that woman’s

experience and creeped themselves out.”

prison had actually taken on a very mild

arm and used it against her, whilst the

Originally a skeptic, Matt now regularly

coziness. The group were due for their

little girl on the Ouija board would have

uses the board at home with his girlfriend,

half-time break, where they would fuel up

no doubt provided a detailed account

as well as by himself - he claims that it

on coffee before returning for a further four

of her impoverished life, moving the

has worked in both instances, and now

hours, taking them up to 4am. I decided

glass furiously from letter to letter before

firmly believes that they are genuine. Quite

it might be time to pull off; I’d had fun,

smashing it over my head. But alas Elliott,

often, the spirits will swear at him; as well

my Dictaphone was full of hours worth of

you won’t have the chance: you’re dead,

as constantly calling him a cunt, they fire

material, but I needed a drink and Mina

six feet under, taking a dirt nap whilst

cusswords that are hundreds of years old.

the illustrator had actually dozed off into

pushing up the daisies; ‘Away the Crow

“Earsling was one, I looked into that and

a vivid dream.

Road’ as they used to say in Glasgow. And

apparently it means ‘something that fell

so I leave you to rest in peace and hope

out of someone’s arse’. You literally find

We bade farewell to the group, wishing

you enjoyed my little letter – a friend thinks

yourself having an argument with a piece

them luck with the rest of the evening.

I should do another paranormal special

of equipment in a dark room.” Like all of

Heading back out of Clink Street and onto

in five years time, so you’ll no doubt be

the other activities, this also appeared to

the Riverbank, we prowled for an open pub

hearing from me again. If your spirit is ever

work, and we were soon trying to coax

whilst trying to come up with a conclusion

wondering around London, be sure to pop

information from the spirit of a 12-year-old

as to what we’d just experienced. It had

in on me - tussle my hair or prod me with

child. We couldn’t grasp its name though,

been a good night; regardless of whether

your cane. That’ll be my cue to get the

or whether it was a little boy or a girl, or

paranormal activity had actually occurred,

kettle on, but Elliot, one thing; in my house

anything else for that matter. A member

but we wondered how different our

we all make our own tea.

of the group sensed that it was probably

opinions would have been had we paid to

a girl, and I’ll take his word for it. ‘She’

attend. Had the other guests been charged

confirmed her age twice, each time the

a lot of money to stand in a dark room

glass worked its way from the center of the

watching a table judder under the weight of

board, stopping inbetween the 1 and the

their own fingertips? Or is the ticket price a

2, which we took to mean 12. We asked

sound investment, what with its access to

hauntedhappenings.co.uk

her loads of questions: was there a King

a unique location, three professional guides

clink.co.uk

on the throne when she was alive, had she

and (most importantly) a decent supply of

been imprisoned in the Clink along with

ghosts from beginning to end? I’m going

her parents, was she happy, had she ever

to place my own opinion somewhere in the

DR AGM AG

Yours Sincerely

- OSKAR OPREY