drivenworld

May/June 2023

BY DUSTIN TROYAN

A butterfly. I was riding my bicycle up Stunt Road yesterday. I know Stunt Road very well. A little too well. Driving it, riding it, hiking around it. It is my “go to” canyon for many things. I was riding up Stunt yesterday. It was about 100 degrees and being out of shape, it was truly a lovely time. My head bent over my handle bars, I noticed a dead butterfly on the white line of the road. There she lay, expired.

When you are riding your bike and you are “suffering” because you are either out of shape or going very hard, your mind can wander funny places. I started thinking about myself in relation to that little butterfly whose life had run out. Perhaps it was because I could barely breathe or my whole body was in shock. I needed something to take my mind off of the heat and my temporary suffering. That poor little butterfly.

This time of year, spring and summer, you see a lot of butterflies. Floating effortlessly wherever the wind takes them. My daughters love butterflies. When we see them, Scarlett will often give them names. I thought about what I would tell her if she saw the dead butterfly on the road.

Most butterflies have a very short lifespan. From a week to a month. Some will go about a year, but for the most part, their lives are very short. I wondered if they realized that. Or, do they operate on a different time than we do? Are they content with their week or their month of life? Did they get it all in? Did they float and fly and land on everything they wanted to before they ran out of time.

A few turns up, I came across another dead butterfly. Same type, same color, same size. Like that, they were both gone. And there I was, dripping sweat trying to survive my out of shape uphill battle with Stunt Road on a 100 degree day. The butterfly.

It really got me thinking about life. Is our life really as short as the butterfly but we just don’t know it. As time speeds up and we get so wrapped up with our phones in our hand that we no longer look at that beautiful butterfly floating before us. We take for granted that we should live to seventy or eighty and that those that don’t got the short end of the stick. That somehow we are guaranteed a long life while we all know many people who went way too young.

I think when I was younger, I felt more like a butterfly, floating around. More free in terms of time and following my passions. I am not complaining, but I was riding up Stunt that day to try to recapture some fitness that I once had. Sure it was hot, sure I am out of shape, but I know I can still do it. Not fast or pretty, but I can still do it. So I did it.

Floating around in space with no consideration of time. I watch my kids play. They just play. They grab their dolls and have no concept of time. Talking to the dolls, the dolls talking back. For hours, they can play. It makes me so happy that they play. Their minds wander and there are no constraints. There are no invisible walls being put up, what they can, can’t or shouldn’t do. They are free when they are playing. Sometimes we have places to go and Scarlett will say, “Can’t I play just a little bit longer...” and of course she can. My dad told me to stay a kid as long as I could. That I had my whole life to be an adult, to take my time and enjoy my youth. Suffice to say, I always listened to my dad and his wise suggestions. I should write a book about them. It might not be politically correct, but it would be the honest to God truth. My father always told us how it was, but that is for another story.

Am I a butterfly? Are you? Floating around, driving around, running around...aimlessly as the wind takes us. Sounds romantic doesn't it? An adventure, that little butterfly has for a week or a month or a year. As the wind blows so she goes and where she ends, on Stunt

Road. If you had to go, it wouldn’t be too bad of a place. Nice view, nice turns, so fragrant this time of year with the wildflowers finishing their bloom.

Recently I lost a business associate. He was exactly my age, days apart. He came down with a cough and it ended up being a very severe form of cancer. Within a few months he was gone. It was so fast. He was here, then he wasn’t. He was a healthy guy who one day started coughing and that was that. It greatly affected and continues to affect everyone that knew him. It hit so close to home for many of us as he was healthy. He was young. He was full of life. Just like that... He will be greatly missed.

I thought about Luis, when I saw that butterfly. I thought about myself, my family, my girls. I thought about what I was going to write as I pedaled up that hill. That I should be so appreciative that I could take a few moments to ride up that hill, in the heat, out of shape with my body screaming to stop, because that butterfly was laying there and Luis is no longer with us. Because I am alive.

I thought about doing what I am supposed to be doing? Am I happy with myself and if, like that butterfly, I only had a few weeks or a few months to live, where would I float to? Where would the wind take me? That I stare too much into my phone and not enough at the sunset at the beach with my family or with my friends. Catching that big wave that has eluded me for years now, that is when I most feel like a butterfly.

I was talking to a cop at a board meeting, we talked about life and surfing and time challenges. He looked squarely in my eyes and said, “Surfing is good for your mental health...,” When I got out of that meeting, I called my wife, we grabbed the kids and headed to Malibu for a late afternoon surf session. I put the girls on the surfboard and spent time with them in the water. I caught a few waves and it was just where I needed to be, floating on the water with my butterfly wings.

Let the wind take you

Where you need to go

Follow your dreams

More than you know

Close your eyes

Hear the wind

Life is precious

Live again

Every day it goes by go out and play as time passes away

Float on the wind carry you home life is so short your mind roams

Life for this breath the air is pure be your life the end, always near

Live for now be who you want to be satisfy your dreams on butterfly wings