Succeed in money
Communicating
with value
Graham
Wood talks to world-renowned author and human behaviour and business expert, Dr John Demartini, about how to communicate effectively with clients, customers and employees. The most important thing to understand about your employees is this: they work for their own values, not for you or your company. “A sale is just an idea to an employee,” says Demartini. “They might appear dedicated to the company, but what really motivates them is getting their values met. The worker will ask: How will my job fulfil my values?” The inspired leader, therefore, must be able to communicate his values in terms of the values of the people working for him. The same is true of clients and customers.
“When you have two parties,
both communicate to fulfil their highest values”
Dr John Demartini
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www.succeed.co.za
To understand this properly, we need to return to the cornerstone of Demartini’s theory of human behaviour. His core insight is that everyone has a hierarchy of values. Everyone acts in accordance with it and is committed to fulfilling their highest values. Their highest values determine the source of their motivation, their moral framework, the way in which they perceive the world, and what they identify with – essentially who they are. This raises the next key question: How can we tell what another person’s values
Succeed in money
are? “The average person doesn’t know their values, and couldn’t tell you if you asked,” says Demartini. So you will have to use other kinds of insight to establish their values, rather than simply questioning them. “Actions speak louder than words,” he says.
most important aspects of your life so that you are clear on your hierarchy of values.” “Try to drill down into details,” says Demartini. “The more detail with which you answer the questions, the more insights you will have into your unique hierarchy of values. You may find that work, for example, is one or more of the following when you get specific: planning, networking, financial planning, strategy development, branding, marketing or admin.”
“If you can’t see ways in which
The Demartini Value Determining Process™
your can complement
each other, you will be
careless in your communication” The Demartini Value Determining Process™ is a mechanism by which you can determine your own and other people’s values using powers of observation. “Carry out this exercise on yourself and the person with whom you are communicating,” says Demartini. It could be a client, an employee, or even a spouse or child. “The objective is to detect a pattern and distil a list of about 10 of the
There are 12 value determinants. 1 What do you fill your space with (at home and your office)? “People display what they value,” says Demartini. “The things they value highest are kept in their personal space. Do you display pictures of family, trophies, fishing photographs, reference books? These objects give you a psycho-graphic of the individual.” 2 How do you spend your time? “What do you make time for even when you’re busy?” Demartini says he always makes time to research, write, travel and teach. 3 How do you spend your energy? “What energises you? What warms you up and gets you going without the need for extra or outside motivation?” asks Demartini. 4 What do you spend your money on beyond monthly set expenses? “Spending is an expression of their values. You will
Avoid pedestals and pits According to Demartini, if you perceive someone as being able to help fulfil your values, you admire them and put them on a pedestal. If they appear to challenge your values, you put them in the pit, resent and despise them. The first option involves becoming infatuated with someone else, and minimising yourself in relation to them. “You become too humble and live in fear,” he says. “You inject their values into your life and sacrifice yourself and your values to be like them. When you minimise yourself, you become too careful – frightened of rejection and loss. You care more about another than yourself.” The second option involves exaggerating yourself in relation to another. “You become too proud to admit that they are essentially the same as you inside,” explains Demartini. “You project your values onto them and try to change them to be like you. You become careless and care less about them than you do about yourself.” Either way, you blow communication. • December 2009
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Succeed in money
always find money for something that is important to you,” he says. 5 Where are you most organised and ordered? You will be ordered and organised in the areas you value highest. Again, Demartini uses himself as an example. He keeps meticulous records of what he’s read, people he has met, and what he learnt from them. Knowledge is important for him, and his file is pristine. 6 Where are you most disciplined and reliable? “When you do what you love, you don’t need motivation,” he explains. 7 What do you think about or focus on most? “What dominates your thoughts when you are not distracted by daily concerns?” he asks. “What is your dominant thought about how you want your life?” 8 What do you envision or dream most about? “Dreams reflect how you want your life to look like and what you want to accomplish,” says Demartini. 9 What do you internally dialogue about most? “What goes through your head when you are in the shower, or while you are daydreaming?” he asks. “We use internal dialogue to affirm our values.” 10 What do you externally dialogue about most? “What do you talk about in a social setting? Where do you head socially; what topics do you gravitate towards; what conversations animate you; what do you ask questions about?” he asks. “People lead conversation in the topics that inspire them.” 11 What are you inspired about most? “What do you share with people? What do you try to get across to others?” 12 What are your persistent long-term goals? “Finally, what are the consistent lifetime goals that are gradually manifesting in your life?” asks Demartini. Provide at least three answers for each question. It is helpful to prompt yourself with the seven areas of life: vocational (career), mental (studying, reading, expanding your mind), financial, family,
social, spiritual, and physical (sport, appearance, health). Now count up the duplicated answers. Pick out those that stand out and rank them in importance. Whatever gets the highest score is your highest value – your mission and the most important thing in your life. Generally your top five values will be where you put most of your energy and attention. “The more congruent an individual, the more they will point to the same thing. It is the thing in their lives that is unstoppable. This element of a person’s life drives the relentless pursuit of manifestation. The rest is just a means to an end.”
Your customer or employee wants to know you care
The next step is to link your values with those of your interlocutor. Ask yourself: how are their top five values helping me fulfil mine and how are my top five values helping them fulfil theirs? “If you can’t see ways in which they can complement each other, you will be careless in your communication,” says Demartini. “When you do see how you can match your values, you will be caring. You have to link your values over and over, and then you will be inspired in helping them to get what you and they want.” S
Dr John Demartini has released more than 40 books, CDs and DVDs. He is an expert in human behaviour, business and motivation. He consults to a wide range of corporate clients, presents his learnings around the world, and in South Africa has presented programmes such as Young Adults Inspired Destiny to disadvantaged youths. His books include How to Make One Hell of a Profit and Still Go to Heaven and The Heart of Love. For more on Dr Demartini, visit www.drdemartini.co.za •