Rebels without Applause By Neil Mulholland From their beginnings as analytical rockers Electric Stereo Realists in 1973,1 to the zenith of German TV game-show themes of the early 80s, Cunts in Wheelchairs (rebranded as CIW 4 Y2K) are inherently ambiguous, a clumsy neologism, the most popular and incompetent musicians of the millennium. An endangered faeces in today’s pop graveyard, these rich kids from the Czech Republic mechanicalise the idiosyncratic, formulating musak that continues to devolve in its formless shallowness, scratching a temporal place for themselves in the anus of music. Sudentenland/Day Release ¯ XLI FERH´W ½VWX release since 1981 – brings to light the work Mary Immaculate Infection, Jesus ‘Halo-ofFlies’ Chrysler and Joseph Stabwound created together during 18 years spent in hospital recovering from deepthroat shotgun experiments for a Vheel av Fförtune jingle. The double-A side explains our united common life, whereby we become Jesus for and to others. On Sudentenland (9secs) Joseph opens and concludes with the dissolution of the musical means to support prelapsarian fantasy by intimating sudden, destructive, unpredictable colon-on-thecob-coranglais. Following the departure of transsexual singer Girl Scout Heroin in 1974 for Polish dogmods Bowowowhaus, Mary has eventually got round to authorising algorithms to supplant her voice. Featuring debonair three-part vocoder dissonance, doltish lyrics, Joseph’s gunshot licking and incredible lethargy, Sudetenland is unadulterated poultry in motion. Day Release (34mins) – recorded live at 'LMRKJSVH 'SRWIVZEXMZI 'PYF ¯ ½XW [MXL '-;´W objective which consists of working without respite
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toward the construction of monotonous cacophony for their greatest fan the SANDMAN, drawing his unwanted attentions away from CIW’s phlegm-fatale Yoko Homo.2 A sequel to the classic 1974 line-up’s ½VWX ERH SRP] WMRKPI Piston Fisted Anal Beard Barbers, this track addresses the genealogy of the fantasy of the absolute music sanctioned by the Slovakian crap band Pubic Enema. It begins with a pastoral of reconciliation in a prelapsarian alternative world, compensating for the dysfunctions of the social world in Pubic Enema’s 1981 Bylorussian No.1 hit Shower With Goats. Jesus’ Binatone ‘orange-order’ snare rushes pay homage to Gringo Star’s3 dexysmidnightrunnerinducedrumming. Towards the end of the performance, the spiritual modulation purposes of the minimoog RAO (Reverential Awe Oscillator), can be heard bringing to fruition Mary’s vocoder prayer for unity, stolen from John Cougar Concentrationcamp’s swansong Go Nad Go: ‘Approximate parameters of a freight line / Masturbated over jilted bouquets / Anthropology was never my ideal.’ Through unstable oscillators, CIW are able to offer themselves, the totality of each person and all creation, in union. CIW pish music further than anyone ever thought possible. They are, quite WMQTP] XLI QSWX MR¾YIRXMEP TST KVSYT ever. Barnyard Slut, Editor, Fields of Shit Gazette.
Endnotes 1. Just as groups must be made, they demand to be unmade. In 1974 membership of ESR dropped from 30 to the three members who still constitute this ‘group’ (Musik, sugar and fruit slice). Despite ESR’s dispute with their Czech contingent, the annexation of the appellation ESR was an aristocratic phenomenon, a standardising of all music according to the model of totalitarianism. CIW are the true inheritors of the 1973 ESR legacy. 2.Yoko left the band to manage Welshlanguage disco divas Rat i the Gravy in 1978. 3. Gringo
departed CIW in 1976. Following a No.5 UK hit Turning Japanese with the Vapours in March 1980.