The Science Of Success And Happiness Setting Goals And Creating A
Plan
Dr Robert Melillo
• Clinician with 30 yrs of experience Directly and indirectly worked with aprox 40,000 kids and adult patients
• Currently sees patients in NYC
MY STORY
• 5xs Best selling Author
• Translated into 11 languages with more than 300,000 books sold
• Taught over 10,000 professionals World Wide
• University Professor Developmental Functional Neurology
• Brain researchers ,1 Text book,50 scientific papers ,20 chapters
• Executive director of lab ,The Instiitute for Brain and Rehabilitation Sciences
• Co Founder of Brain Balance Achievement Centers
• Inventor Brain Balance Program
• Creator of The Melillo Method
• Founder Past President of International Association Of Functional Neurology and Rehab
• Co Creator Youtube Webseries Disconnected Kids ,Reconnected families
• Radio cohost of Power Parenting
• Married 30 years ,3 great kids
• Multiple graduate degrees in ,Neuroscience Clinical Rehabilitation Neuropsychology ,Chiropractic Neurology ,a Fellow in Childhood Developmental Disorders and is currently a PHd Candidate in Functional Neurology at
DR. ROBERT MELILLO
https://youtu.be/Lbm0xgCAibE
DR. ROBERT MELILLO
Thoughts Become Things
• One of the most basic truths of the universe is this ,you get what you consistently focus on.
• And Your life good or bad Is simply a reflection of what you are most consistently focusing on.
•
• Most people focus on what they fear most ,and this is exactly what they draw in to their lives
(It All Comes Down to FOCUS)
WHAT’S THE SECRET
• THE SECRET IS THE
• UNIVERSAL LAW OF ATTRACTION
• LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE
• HOW DOES THIS LAW WORK ?
• Law Of Probablities
(It All Comes Down to FOCUS)
THE POWER OF FOCUS
• Universal Law of Attraction
• You get what you focus on consistently
• Most people focus on what they Fear
• They end up attracting into their lives what they fear the most
• Question: Why would someone choose to focus on what they are afraid of?
• Answer: They don ’t know what they want !!
• Positive and negative thoughts can ’t occupy the same space at the same time
(It All Comes Down to FOCUS)
What Is The Secret?
• The secret is to create a vision of your future so powerful that you will be drawn to it and it will be drawn to you
Your Method for Change
The V.P.A.
Vision
Purpose
Action
THE NEUROSCIENCE OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR
Lets Get Real !!!
The Battlefield in Your Mind
• Most of what holds you back is in your brain , it's physical , it's real , and you can change it but only if you know How
• The Battlefield is your mind but you can’t see the enemy
• Most of your behavior and along with it your happiness or unhappiness is based on two things
• 1. Decisions you make and goals you choose
• 2.How you form Habits
The Myth of free will
• We think we choose all of our actions but it is just a trick our brain plays ,most of our thoughts and actions are directed subconsciously
• The real free will is setting a goal you get to choose if you don't choose your brain based on all its past experiences will choose for you . Eventually these become your habits and your habits become your life .
Setting Goals
• The first step to change is for you to exercise your free will and set goals and help your brain to create habits that will help you achieve those goals automatically.
• It starts with one keystone goal and habit
• This is our Goal Today
• 1.To make one major decision (foundational goal)
• 2.To choose one (Keystone) Habit
• 3. To create the belief that will make it permanent
regulation and habit formation
The role of the basal ganglia in habit formation
Henry H. Yin* and Barbara J. Knowlton‡
Abstract | Many organisms, especially humans, are characterized by their capacity for intentional, goal-directed actions. However, similar behaviours often proceed automatically, as habitual responses to antecedent stimuli. How are goal-directed actions transformed into habitual responses? Recent work combining modern behavioural assays and neurobiological analysis of the basal ganglia has begun to yield insights into the neural basis of habit formation.
When you flip on a light switch, your behaviour could be a result of the desire for a state of illumination coupled with the belief that a certain movement will lead to it.
Sometimes, however, you just turn on the light habitually, without anticipating the consequences — the very context of having arrived home in a dark room automatically triggers your reaching for the light switch. Although to the observer these two cases might appear to be similar, they differ in the extent to which they are controlled by outcome expectancy. When the light switch is known to be broken, the habit might still persist whereas the goal-directed action might not.
Intuitively, then, goal-directed actions are controlled by their consequences, habits by antecedent stimuli. But how can we translate such intuitive concepts into operationally defined terms and experimentally testable hypotheses? Here, we outline the basic conceptual
projection neurons, the basal ganglia contain inhibitory, GABA ( γ -aminobutyric acid)-containing projection neurons. Of these projection neurons, the spiny variety belongs to the striatum (the input nucleus) and the aspiny variety belongs to the pallidum (the output nucleus)1,2.
The striatal projection neurons are often quiescent owing to their intrinsic membrane properties2, and when they are activated by strong and coherent inputs from the cortex (and, to a lesser extent, the thalamus), they tend to reduce the tonically active pallidal output. The outcome of this disinhibitory pathway, the most basic pathway in the basal ganglia, is the facilitation of the targeted motor network3. However, a different pathway, traditionally known as the ‘indirect pathway’, appears to exert inhibitory control over downstream thalamocortical and brainstem networks4.
In discussing the role of the basal ganglia in behav-
Self-Regulation
• Define self regulation ( goal directed behavior and goal setting, will power) describe what it is
• Self- Regulation
• We define self- regulation as the ability through which people create and maintain alignment with distant or abstract goals, especially when immediate motivations and desires compete with those goals.
What Prevents you From Setting and Reaching Goals?
THE 3 Bs
Habit Formation
• Define Habit Formation ( Habit, rituals or routines) describe what it is
• We define Habit Formation as the process by which new behaviors become automatic
• Explain why we have habits the purpose of stereotypical behavior
• Initially we start with Reflexes , then inhibit Reflexes , then create volitional actions , then automate become fixed action patterns ( reuse and reconfigure old Reflexes)
Habits
• In any person or organization whatever is done routinely without knowing why or just because are habits and they are at the core of any success or failure .
• The question is did you choose that habit or not ? Is it good habit or bad ?
• If you didn't choose it do you want to keep it ?
• Where do we make Habits?
• The Basal Ganglia
• The basal ganglia comprise several interconnected brain areas deep in the cerebral cortex, as shown here. First believed to be mainly involved in movement, the basal ganglia are now known to be active in learning, habit formation, and certain psychiatric disorders.
• The reason you can't lose weight is you have bad eating habits
• The Reason you feel like crap is bad exercise habits
• Reason you are depressed is bad emotional habits
• Reason you can't keep a relationship is bad social habits
• The reason you have bad or negative thoughts and questions is bad habitual thinking
• Each one is related to a specific network in the PFC and Basal Ganglia
5 PREFRONTAL - BASAL GANGLIA CIRCUITS
Basal Ganglia and Habit Formation
• Two Main Pathways
• One pathway excites ,action,thoughts,motivation,eyes,and social behavior
• One pathways inhibits action,thoughts,motivation,eyes,and social behavior
• The balance of these two paths is at the core of all himan behavior and normal Habit formation and Abnormal Habit Formation
Why Do People Do What They Do?
• It all starts with Balance
• In order to achieve balance in your life, you must have balance amongst three main areas: Your Mind, Your Body and Your Emotions. Balance in these areas is the formula for happiness and success – which is nothing new. But what will be new to you is how you approach and think about those areas .I will teach you how to optimize your physical body and your mind –as all three aspects work together and are the bedrock of your life force.
The 3 B’s
What Drives All Behavior and Decisions?
What is Balance Anyway?
The 3 B’s:
• Neurology (Blind Spots) – Development,
Attachment, Hemispheric Integration,Dominance
• Psychology (Biases) – Needs, Values, Beliefs
,Attachment
• Physiology (Body) – Body, Heart, Gut • Spirit – The ability to make yourself do what you
The Three B’s(Blind Spots, Biases and Body)(IQ,EQ,PQ)
• Must be equally intelligent in all areas of your life
• This is the foundation of everything I will teach this is the formula for happiness and success
• This is the science of having a happy marriage ,happy and
successful kids , achieve all of your dreams and become the person you always wanted to be and become the ultimate example for your kids.
• Build this first in yourself ,then in your relationship with your partner and then in your children
What is in your way?
Neurology(Blind Spots)
If your brain is not in it’s optimal state, you do not know it.
Brain Developmental Milestones
Hemispheric Dominance
Hemispheric Imbalances
Why Don’t People Take Action?
• Time
• Tired
• Don’t believe it can change(fear)
These are the three reasons why people don’t take actions
• There is a specific solution to each
Time
• We all have 24 hours in a day
• Why do some people achieve so much than others in the same time.
• They don’t have more time in fact busy people achieve more .
The Solution to Time
• Developing a plan
• Do you have a very clear ,powerful and measurable plan for your life?
• If you don’t then you feel like you never have enough time and you are always stressed
• YOU MUST START WITH A PLAN
The Solution to Time
• Developing a plan
• Lets do it right now
• You will leave with that plan TODAY
• https://youtu.be/VjwPgmPxGwQ
• Now Lets Create Your Future and Your Destiny • Let Go Of Fear and Doubt • Don ’t Hold Back • Don ’t Play Small
The V.P.A.
Vision: What do you want?
Purpose: Why do you want it?
Action: What do you have to do to get it?
“chunking ”
• Those are ‘Big” questions.
• When we ask a question like “what do you want?” for most people that question alone is overwhelming because there are so many choices and possibilities.
• To help narrow our focus we do something called “chunking” to make things less overwhelming.
• So the first thing we must do is break our life up into categories.
AREAS OF FOCUS
• All of us have particular areas of our life that are important ,these are the areas we must spend the majority of our time focusing on.
• We must have a clear vision of what we want and why we want it in each area of our life.
• We must stay focused on each area to have a balanced life.
AREAS OF FOCUS(Adult)
• 1.Career
• 2.Physical
• 3.Emotional
• 4.Financial
• 5.Family
• 6.Friends
• 7.Spiritual
• 8.Social Life
• 9.Fun
• 10.Personal Growth
• 11.Physical Environment
• 12.Significant Other
• 13.Material Stuff
• 14.Education
• 15.Hobbies
• 16.Sports
• 17.Creativity
• 18.Contributing
• 19.Community
• 20.Children
Areas Of Focus
1. Career
Physical Health
Finance
Family
WHERE ARE WE NOW ?
• BEFORE WE CREATE A VISION OF THE FUTURE WE MUST LOOK AT WHERE WE ARE NOW
Areas Of Focus
• PERSONAL W here Am I Now? January 2019
• 1.Health and Physical Appearance 8 8.5
• 2.Finances
• 3.Family
• 4.Personal/Spiritual/Community
• 5.Material Stuff and Fun 2 2.0
Directions:
The seven sections in the graph represent Balance.
Seeing the bottom of the graph as 0 and the upper most part as 10, rank your level of satisfaction with each Area Of Focus by drawing a straight to create an topographical map of
how smooth our road to success will be.
Your Wish List
• Remember when your were a kid and you got to write a Christmas list or a birthday wish?
• I want you to do this now
• Don ’t hold back write 10 material things you would want if you could have anything • What kind of car
What jewlery
Clothes • House
Most People Have Forgotten How to Dream
• Long term goals are your dreams
• You must have dreams
• Never ,ever give up on your dreams
Here is how to write your vision
• When you write your vision, write it as a story, as the greatest dream you have ever had
• Your vision is a story that will come true
• Your vision is from your heart, not your head
• Write your vision with abandon, don’t worry who will see it and don’t try to be reasonable!
EXAMPLE : Marathon Vision
• I am a lean mean energy machine! Each morning I awake rested and energized, I bounce out of bed excited to start my day. I look in the mirror and I love the way I look and feel. I feel powerful and I know I can accomplish anything I want. I love to exercise ,I eat well ,I am the envy of my friends and an example to my children.
Now You write
• Write your Vision in all areas I will give you 5 minutes for each one
• This is your story,it can be whatever you want
• Don ’t hold back ,Don ’t be reasonable
Purpose
"If you want to be happy, set a goal that commands your thoughts, liberates your energy, and inspires your hopes."
—
Andrew Carnegie
Why Do You Want It?
What is your ultimate Purpose?
• What is the purpose of your vision? What purpose does what you want serve?
• Look at each of the 4 areas you wrote your vision for and now fill this out further by listing your purpose for each area.
• Make it a big purpose something that will last a lifetime,
Health and Fitness Marathon Purpose
• Ultimate Purpose
• Without my health I have nothing. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired! Without energy I am useless ,I have tremendous responsiblities to myself and my family. They depend on me to keep them safe and
secure. I must be able to do my best everyday and I cannot do my best if
I don ’t feel my best .If I am fat, lazy, overweight and unhealthy, my children will grow up to be that way as well.
Write your purpose
• Now write a powerful Purpose for each area
“First say to yourself what you would be; and then do what you have to do.”
–Epictetus
What Do You Need To Do To Get it ?
• What action steps do you need to take to get you to your ultimate vision?
• Before you can choose the steps need to make the vision more
• Need to create the results in advance
Chunking
Measureable Goals - Marathon Action
(You Can’t Manage It If You Can’t Measure It)
• Before you can decide what actions you need to take, you need to make the vision of what you want perfectly clear so that you see it happening.
• Do this by putting your vision into measurable and achievable goals
• Take your vision and purpose and place it into your day to day life so that it becomes achievable
• Go to each area of focus and
What Is Chunking
• Example of Weight Loss
• Example
• You want to lose 60 pounds over the next year . Seems like a lot ,many would say impossible ,too much ,your being unreasonable. But ,when you see yourself 60 pounds thinner looking at yourself in the mirror ,how does that make you feel ,what will your friends say,what will your children think ,does the idea of that excite you ?
• Only big goals and big changes are going to excite you ,that is the fantasy that is what you really want. Imagine you’re a 5 foot 6 inch
,190 lb woman ,with 40% body fat ,can’t do one push up or one sit up, can barely walk a mile in an hour.
• Now imagine that woman at 130 lbs,20% body fat,can do 40 push ups and can run a mile in 10 minutes,that person has completely changed their lives,this is exciting,this is a great vision.
• Now lets make it real
What Is Chunking
• 60 pounds over a year is 5 pounds in a month, is that realistic ,can you lose 5 pounds in a month? Lets make it even more real
• 5 Lbs in a month is 1.25 pounds a week
• or about .17 pounds a day
• Can you lose 1.25 pounds in a week,of course you can ,anyone can
• Now can you list the action steps it would take to lose 1.25 pounds a week , of course you can because the actions now become obvious.
• So now look at this area and come up with unreasonable big goals that match your vision with numbers and with a deadline. Then break them down into smaller achievable chunks. Pick your 3 top goals in each area over the next year
• Then break those big goals into smaller goals ,by month, week and then by day if you can.
• It has to be measurable
• If you can’t measure it you can’ manage it.
• Do this now in each area of focus
Health and Fitness
• 5 top goals for next year
• Loose 60 lbs
• Body fat of 20%
• 12 minute mile run
• 20 Push Ups
• 10 Pull Ups
Brainstorm an Action List in Each Category
• Now that you have a clear vision, with a powerful purpose and you have created small measurable ,achievable goals , with deadlines now you can create an action list.
• Now in each area you will brainstorm all of the action steps that you can take to make these goals come to pass in the timeframe you specified
Call To Action!
• What do I have to do to get it?
• List very specific action steps
• If can ’t think of specific action then think of someone who you can ask or emulate.
• List your resources.
• List top action steps.
Health and Fitness- Marathon Action
• Action Steps
• Weigh myself and measure body fat
• Time myself in a mile run
• Sign up at gym
• Go to Gym 5 days a week for an hour
• Get on a healthy diet plan
• Call Jim to be my workout partner
• Buy new running shoes
• Start taking vitamins every day
• Buy a body fat analyzer
• Buy a planner and schedule the time
Step-by-Step: Make your Action List
1. Write down everything in the week you have to do to move toward your goals.
2. “Chunk” them together by category
3.
• Go to gym
• Grocery shop
Sample action list:
• Talk to financial advisor
• Practice language
• Go to soccer game
• Go to dance practice
• Find tutor
• Speak to teacher
• Check on life insurance
• Play basketball
• Call travel agent
• Call parents
• Call, Jim, Jane, and Bill
• Go to church
• Call car dealership
• Doctors appointment
• Dentist
• Go to health food store
(Hour of Power)
• Once a week you are going to devote an hour to reviewing your vision and purpose , and most importantly you are going to organize your actions steps and schedule the most important ones.
• You look at the whole action list and chunk them down by area
• Example here
• Then in each area number the 5 most important action steps or the appointments you MUST do , and how long they will take.
• The others you can carry forward on your next weeks action list
• Schedule
• Now put the most important actions in to your calendar , now they are scheduled now they are real and now it will happen.
•
• This should only take about an hour ,I do this usually on Sunday night.
NOW THAT WE ARE CLEAR ON WHAT WE WANT HOW DO WE MAKE SURE WE KEEP THIS FOCUS EVERY DAY?
• The next 2 steps will assure that your focus is continually drawn to your goals every day.
• Commit you must look at each action step and you must commit a specific amount of time necessary to carry out each action.
• Once you have committed the time you must then schedule it
• This final step is what makes this real and assures that your focus will always be on what you want not what you fear.
• Go to gym
• Grocery store
• Talk to financial advisor
• Practice language
• Go to soccer game
• Go to dance practice
• Find tutor
• Speak to teacher
• Check on life insurance
• Play basketball
• Call travel agent
• Call My parents
• Call,Jim,Jane and Bill
• Go to church
• Call car dealership
ACTION LIST
Chunk and Prioritize (1 HR PER WEEK)
• Go to Gym 1.
• Grocery store 3.
• Play basketball 2.
• Go to soccer game 3.
• Go to dance practice 4.
• Find tutor 2.
• Speak to teacher 1.
• Talk to financial advisor 2.
• Check on life insurance 3.
• Go to bank 1.
Commit Specific Amount of Time
• Estimate how much time you need to devote to each action.
• Go to Gym 1. 1.0 hour
• Grocery store 3. 1.5 hours
• Play basketball 2. 2.0 hours
Schedule
• Commit each activity to a specific time on your schedule around what you always do,such as
• Work
• School
• Sleeping
• etc
Monday Tues
6 am Go to Gym
7 Am go to work
12 PM call Parents
5 PM Drive to dance practice
5:30 PM drive to soccer
6 PM go to grocery store
Measure
• Notice how many actions you completed for week
• Celebrate your success!!!
• Carry over any thing not accomplished with anything new to following week
5 STEPS TO BALANCE AND SUCESS
• 1.CAPTURE (ideas,wants,and needs)
• 2.CREATE (your plan,vision,purpose,actions )
• 3.COMMIT (time,resources,responsibilities)
• 4.SCHEDULE IT (make sure it shows up every day)
• 5.MEASURE (each week review sucesses and update actions )
“Crystallize your goals. Make a plan for achieving them and set yourself a deadline.
Then, with supreme confidence, determination and disregard for obstacles and other people's criticisms, carry out your plan.
” Paul Meyer
REMEMBER YOU GET WHAT YOU FOCUS ON
• This system will automatically focus you on what you want every day
• Every action you take is carefully designed to get you closer to your vision
• In each area of your life
• You have taken control of your life and your future and success is guaranteed
• Now it is time for you to help your child take control of their life and their behavior!!
FAILURE IS THE FIRST STEP TO SUCCESS
• Expect to make mistakes ,you will not be perfect ,but NEVER EVER GIVE UP
• As you use this you will get better at it ,don’t get frustrated ,as you use this you will suddenly realize that Time was never the problem it was just your lack of having a plan
