April 21, 2015 by Duke Chronicle

Fall Dining Options Voted On

Duke Partakes in Historic Relay

In its final meeting, DUSDAC voted on food trucks and Merchants-on-Points vendors for the Fall | Page 2

Duke is no stranger to the Penn Relays, the world’s first relay meet and the largest track meet in the nation | Page 4

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ONE HUNDRED AND tenth YEAR, Issue 113

A closer look at course evaluations

‘All I do is tell stories’

Alex Griffith and Gautam Hathi The Chronicle

Darbi Griffith | The Chronicle Al Buehler taught one of his last classes in his office in Cameron Indoor Stadium Monday afternoon. Buehler has been at Duke for 60 years.

Longtime professor and coach to teach last class Wednesday Patricia Spears The Chronicle After 60 years as a Duke coach and professor, Al Buehler is retiring. Buehler will teach his last class, a freshman seminar entitled History and Issues of American Sport, Wednesday from his office in Cameron Indoor Stadium. Hired as the head cross country coach in 1955, Buehler took the helm of the Blue Devil track and field program in 1964 and coached the U.S. track and field teams at the 1972, 1984 and 1988 Olympics. During his 45 years as a coach, Buehler built relationships across racial and gender

lines and has relayed many of his experiences to his students. “You ask these kids in here, all I do is tell stories,” he said. Buehler’s own running career began when he was in junior high, but before that he often raced his father. “I never beat him in my entire life,” Buehler said. In high school, Buehler’s physical education teacher, a World War II veteran, returned to the United States and started a cross country team. Jim Kehoe, a former track coach at the University of Maryland, saw Buehler at a competition and invited him to run for the Terrapins. Buehler graduated from Maryland in 1952. “I’m constantly looking at these plaques and these awards and these letters from Buehler’s coaches,” said freshman volleyball player Anna Kropf, who is taking Buehler’s class.

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During his time as the head coach of track and field from 1964 to 2000, Buehler coached Ellison Goodall, Trinity ‘78—the first woman to run track at Duke—and worked with North Carolina Central University head coach LeRoy Walker, inviting his team to practice on Duke’s track. Buehler’s cross country teams won six Atlantic Coast Conference championships. A member of the Duke Sports Hall of Fame, Buehler said he will miss teaching, calling his 60 years as a faculty member the greatest accomplishment of his diverse Duke career. In addition to his duties as track and field coach, Buehler served as chair of the physical education department during his tenure at the University and taught classes ranging from boxing to badminton. His wide range of experiences give him no shortage of anecdotes during his lectures. See Buehler on Page 2

Serving the University since 1905

Students can view ratings for almost 17,000 courses taught since 2004 through the Student Accessible Course Evaluation System, but they might be missing some of the most valuable information. Although the average course rating out of five on SACES—which corresponds to the qualitative ratings students indicate on ACES— is 4.34 and the average instructor rating is 4.46, professors ultimately decide whether or not their evaluations are available to students to SACES. As a result, the information on SACES is not necessarily representative of all student evaluation submissions and 75 percent of all classes for which ratings are available have instructor ratings of at least 4.22. “The instructors can decide which course to have put into SACES but cannot select or deselect individual items,” Matt Serra, director of the Arts and Sciences Office of Assessment, wrote in an email April 13. The “opt-in” system in which professors determine whether or not information becomes available after seeing student-submitted data was last voted on at a meeting of the Arts and Sciences Council in late 2004. A close vote at the meeting rejected a Duke Student Government proposal to link to the independent website www.ratemyprofessors.com. Although professors can still determine whether or not students see the results, Serra, said Lee Baker, dean of academic affairs for the College of Arts and Sciences, is always provided a report each term with the evaluation results and can request reports on certain faculty when necessary. The data is also reviewed as part of an annual faculty review process. “Each term [Baker] is made aware of those instructors in the top and bottom five percent in both quality of instruction and intellectual stimulation,” he said. Part of the dilemma faculty face when

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DUSDAC votes on Fall dining options

continued from page 1

Samantha Neal The Chronicle Dining selections may look very different next year. In the final meeting of the year, the Duke University Student Dining Advisory Committee voted on food trucks and Merchants-on-Points vendors to be brought to campus in the Fall. Sales data and student opinions from an online survey were taken into account in making decisions regarding food trucks and MOP vendors. “There’s going to be a lot of transitions next year,” DUSDAC co-chair Greg Lahood, a senior, said. “I think DUSDAC has had a pretty big challenge this year because of the big changes that are in the works, but I think the committee has responded accordingly in all of our discussions.” Among the highest performing food trucks are ParlezVous Crepe, Deli-icious and Gussy’s Greek Street Food. The lowest performing trucks were Mac-Ur-Roni, Captain Ponchos and Chirba Chirba. Belgian Waffology and Bull City Street Food were both highly rated after the food truck rodeo and are under serious consideration to be added to the rotation next year. “For Belgian Waffology, we found the reaction from students was overwhelmingly positive,” DUSDAC co-chair Brian Taylor, a junior, said. “Bull City Street Food is really unique with its rotating menu, so it adds a lot of variety with just one option.” Among MOP vendors, Sushi Love, Enzo’s Pizza and Mediterra Grill were the most popular, according to the student survey. Skewer’s Bar and Grill, Palace International and Papa John’s were among the least popular. Although Dunkin’ Donuts was voted to become the newest MOP earlier this semester, difficulties with contracts delayed the chain’s addition to the program. Based on student interest, other possible additions to the MOP program are Noodles and Company and Tijuana Flats. “Noodles and Co. is something students are familiar with and students love,” Taylor said. “There are some noodle options here and there but no one place that does it really well. This is a venue that really focuses on it.” The committee encountered some debate regarding the possible addition of Tijuana Flats to the MOP program with

Lily Coad | The Chronicle DUSDAC sampled vendors at its final meeting of the Spring Monday before voting on dining options for the Fall.

several members strongly objecting. “We know that students like Tijuana Flats, and they walk over there from East Campus or drive there,” Taylor said. “When Tijuana came in to present to us, they really showed us that their food can be fresh.” In the first half of the meeting, DUSDAC sampled selections from potential vendors for the West Union. Although no contracts have been signed, a food fair at the meeting gave members the chance to look at potential food offerings that could become available as early as February 2016, according to Director of Dining Services Robert Coffey. Coffey added that this was a conceptual meeting that allowed members to see preliminary plans and what food niches would be filled. Options included an Asian venue that offered stir-fry and sushi, a dessert vendor and a woodfire pizza venue. All of the food options were well-received by committee members. “Overall, it’s very exciting to see,” Taylor said. “We’ve waited so long for [the West Union to open] and there are so many new options that are going to improve dining on campus.”

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“I think the number one thing that I’ve appreciated is his personal stories and memories that he’s shared,” said freshman Verity Abel, a student in Buehler’s class. “That’s something I wouldn’t be able to get from anyone else.” For their final grade, students in his course will be given an oral exam about the key players in the quest for racial equity in sports. As part of the course, students watched “Starting at the Finish Line: The Coach Buehler Story”, a film and book by Amy Unell, Trinity ’03, who took Buehler’s course as a freshman. The documentary will be available on Netflix in the coming months. “I think his energy and uniqueness of the class, being in the community of his office—it’s almost like you’re in his living room,” said Unell, assistant director of the Duke in Silicon Valley program. Now in his 80s, Buehler was on hand April 11 for the dedication of Morris Williams Track and Field Stadium, the Blue Devils’ new home after the track circling the football field in Wallace Wade Stadium was ripped out in December. Unell said she would like to see the major historical moments of track honored in a photograph series somewhere in the new track stadium so that more people could appreciate the interweaving of the sport with the history of women’s rights, civil rights and international relations. Although Unell was not a student-athlete, many of Buehler’s students were. His list of former students includes former Duke basketball players Shane Battier and Grant Hill. Kropf said the class was of particular interest for her because, as an athlete, she is part of sports culture at Duke. “It’s inspired me to be a better student-athlete,” she said. Freshman swimmer Catie Miller was referred to the course by another student on the swim team. She said she was glad to have taken it and pointed out its unique location. History and Issues of American Sport is the only class taught in Cameron Indoor Stadium. “No one knows that this is even a classroom,” freshman Setonji Agosa said. “It’s a very personal experience.” Although his presence on campus will be missed, Buehler has touched the lives of many throughout his career. “His story is the story of so many moments and people,” Unell said.

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evaluations continued from page 1

deciding whether or not to make results visible to students is a declining response rate. Since the evaluations have moved online in Fall 2013, one of the most powerful tools for students to impact the administration’s decisions is seemingly not being used as often, said Kelly Alexander, a professor at the Center of Documentary Studies who teaches a highly rated class about food and culture. “When [the system] switched to online, less students seem to do it, which is a problem because the more students do it, the more feedback the University gets,” she said. Although Serra noted that ratings have been consistently high on SACES, another byproduct of the online evaluations is that students appear to feel more secure in presenting their true opinions, which has still caused ratings to dip slightly. “This is evidenced in the aforementioned decrease in ratings across the board as well as the amount of written feedback that the students are providing,” he said. From a student perspective, the obstacles facing the current evaluation system go well beyond rates and transparency, as many find the actual information provided in the evaluations too generic because of the imposed five-point scale. “I think the [numeric] scales are good, but more comment space would be good as well,” said Abby Muehlstein, a freshman. “There’s space for commenting on the professor and commenting on the course in general, but there’s not space for commenting on how the material flowed or [other specific course details].” The length of the evaluations also gives some cause for concern. Even beyond taking up a student’s time, the sheer number of questions provided could play a role in increasing the bias of the procedure. “[Course evaluations] are too long, I think

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everything should be quantifiable in a few questions,” said freshman David Yan. “It’s like seven pages and I feel like they ask the same questions over and over again.” Regardless of the deficiencies of the current rating system, two notable trends emerge. The first is that intellectual stimulation rating and course difficulty are the two best predictors of both course rating and instructor rating, Serra wrote. The second is that the departments with the highest rated instructors and courses tend to focus on liberal arts subjects. The Theater Studies, Russian, Dance and English departments have the highest average class ratings of departments with more than 100 classes rated on SACES. Subjects with lower average ratings include the natural sciences, math and engineering. The three departments with the lowest average class ratings out of departments with more than 100 rated classes are Physics, Mechanical Engineering and Engineering. Directors of Undergraduate Study for the Economics, Mathematics, English and Biology departments declined to provide more complete data or summary statistics on a department-by-department basis. With these trends and challenges in mind, Serra said that several changes, particularly changing from an opt-in to an opt-out process—in which professors would only specifically decide not to display data—could increase the system’s transparency and effectiveness. “A group of student representatives along with a group of faculty and administrators to determine exactly what students would like to see and benefit most from seeing in terms of data [would help the system],” he said. Editor’s Note: The Chronicle has chosen to make only aggregate statistics and highlights from the data analysis publicly available at the request of the Office of Assessment. The data for this piece was collected by Gautam Hathi and students in the “Everything Data” class in the Computer Science department.

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Track and Field

Duke to run at historic penn relays Ali Wells Beat Writer

The Blue Devils are no strangers to the historic Penn Relays—which began as the world’s first relay meet in 1895 and has become America’s largest track meet, drawing as many as 100,000 spectators. Last season, the men’s 4-x-200 relay was the highlight of the competition, earning a thirdplace finish. This year, Duke’s relay squads and a handful of individual-event athletes will head to Philadelphia Thursday for three days of competition against the nation’s best— such as No. 3 Oregon, No. 5 Villanova and No. 15 Penn State—hoping to give the program’s best performance to date on the big stage. The Blue Devils have lofty expectations for their men’s distance medley relay Friday evening. The lineup will feature freshman Sean Kelly with the opening 1,200 meters, classmate Bret Bofinger running the 400 meters, senior Henry Farley on the 800 meters and senior Nate McClafferty closing out the final mile. “This is probably our biggest event of the whole meet,” director of track and field Norm Ogilvie said. “They will be going up against some of the very top programs in the country like Oregon and Villanova. That will be a chance for Nate to show off his four-minute-

Alex Deckey | The Chronicle Senior Nate McClafferty will run the final mile of the men’s distance medley relay at the Penn Relays after setting a personal best in the 1,500 meters last week.

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mile feet. And all members of that relay ran PRs at their respective distances at Georgia Tech, so we are coming in with very high hopes.” Saturday in Atlanta at the Georgia Tech Invite, Farley ran a personal best in the 800 meters with a time of 1:50.34 and Bofinger led Duke across the line in 48.28 seconds in the 400 meters. McClafferty and Kelly both recorded career-bests in Friday’s 1,500 meters, with the senior crossing the line in 3:43.78 and the rookie in 3:47.91. The women’s distance medley relay

will also look for a strong showing in front of Thursday’s crowd. Sophomore Haley Meier will anchor with the mile leg and junior Anima Banks will lead off the first 1,200 meters. Banks will also compete in the women’s sprint medley relay Friday. The Blue Devils are seeded fifth in the event—the best entry position in the event in program history. The women’s 4-x-400 meter relay also earned a fifth seed with its school-record

time of 3:32.56 from the NCAA Indoor Championships. The sprint quartet of seniors Lauren Hansson and Elizabeth Kerpon, sophomore Madeline Kopp and freshman Maddy Price will also compete in Saturday’s 4-x-200 meter relay. Both men’s sprint relays—the 4-x100 and the sprint medley—will feature football players DeVon Edwards and Ryan Smith.

Journalism is so much more than writing and editing. My time in 301 Flowers taught me how to succeed and how to fail; how to stand by your convictions and how to apologize for your mistakes; how to honor history and how to innovate; how to receive criticism and how to give it; how to listen and how to ask the right questions; how to learn and how to teach. In doing all this, I found the one thing that nobody can ever take away from me—my voice. At the end of the day, I probably made a lot of the same mistakes in college that I did in high school. Sometimes I spread myself too thin. Sometimes I didn’t work hard enough in my classes. Sometimes I cared too much about other people, and other times I didn’t care enough. Sometimes I let my extracurricular involvements blind me from the reasons I was at Duke in the first place. But this time, at least everything I did meant something. When it comes to retirement, athletes

have dozens of different ways to say goodbye. Some, like NBA legend David Robinson, ride off into the sunset with a championship in tow. Others, like NFL running backs Jim Brown and Earl Campbell, have their careers cut short by injuries. Michael Jordan walked away from basketball not once, but twice, just to learn that he couldn’t stay away. The infamous Brett Favre just didn’t seem to know when to hang it up. In journalism, we don’t really get stuck on goodbyes. One of the funniest things I learned as a freshman was that a news story did not need to have a real ending. The most important information goes at the top of the story, and whoever wrote these rules understood that, one by one, people would eventually stop reading. Sometimes a profound, circular ending emerges from the day’s happenings, but more often than not, the last line is just a fact—an afterthought that was

See Track on Page 5

Column

No ending necessary In the final days before the start of my freshman year at Duke, my mother would jokingly tell her friends that her sports-obsessed son was going to major in basketball. Fastforward four years and more than 800 bylines, and you’ll find that—like with most things my mother says—she wasn’t very far off. As we made that first drive south down Interstate 85 in the fall of 2011, she probably knew it wouldn’t be long after our first tearful goodbye until she saw me again. All she had to do was turn on the television come basketball season and look to the sea of faces at the center of Cameron Indoor Stadium’s Section 17. What she didn’t imagine at that point was that I would soon trade my in my No. 2 jersey (which I had been wearing since it belonged to Josh McRoberts, not

Daniel Carp

Quinn Cook) and spot in the student section for a blue blazer and a seat on press row. Instead of my head bobbing up and down amongst the mob, it was buried in my computer screen and my notepad. While my friends were hurling insults at opposing players, I tried my best not to laugh while typing and scribbling furiously. My occasional appearances on television were not as another screaming face in the mob of Cameron Crazies, but as a speck on the bottom corner of the screen as a player was inbounding the ball from the sideline. When I was in high school, I would attend sporting events to avoid doing my work. As a Duke student, attending sporting events became my work. And though the diploma I receive in three painstakingly-short weeks will say my degree is in public policy studies, spending four years working for The Chronicle was the best education I could have ever received.

See Endings on Page 5

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not quite important enough to make it into the opening paragraphs. This is one of the reasons why I have not been getting overly sentimental when preparing for a life without The Chronicle, even a life without Duke. My last three weeks in the Gothic Wonderland aren’t going to change the last four years. The most significant moments of my college experience have already happened. If journalism has taught me anything, it is that endings are sometimes overrated. The last line isn’t where you have to prove the story was worth writing in the first place. Sometimes, you have to be comfortable letting the story end and speak for itself.

The Blue Devils will send one of their largest contingents of distance runners in recent years to compete in Thursday’s distance carnival. Six Duke harriers will compete in either the 3,000 or 5,000 meters and junior William Rooney will compete in the first 10,000 meter race of his career. “We are expecting some great distance races,” Ogilvie said. “There’s going to be cool weather in Philadelphia, probably in the upper 40s. And that’s perfect distance running weather.” Junior Maddie Morrow and redshirt junior Teddi Maslowski will kick off the competition for the Blue Devils Thursday morning, with Morrow competing in the high jump and Maslowski looking to break her own school record in the long jump.

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Planting questions for vibrant theses

oused in the Duke archive repository lay the illustrious fruits of the year-long toiling and many sleepless nights of hundreds of students through the years: senior honors theses. Spanning all departments and delving into topics of boundless diversity, these projects take their writers on careening intellectual paths and, like a needy partner, demand all-consuming energy. To the seniors triumphantly returning the last of their towering book stacks and whose work will soon join the theses in these archives, we extend hearty congratulations and commendation. The thesis program—more formally the program for graduation with distinction—has become increasingly popular in recent years. In the past decade, the number of students in Trinity and Pratt who have graduated with distinction doubled from 12 to 25 percent and 10 to 20 percent, respectively. Unlike its peer at Princeton, our program does not require written theses and, instead, operates on an opt-in voluntary model, and the overall number of participants is heartening for what it says about our undergraduates. Yet, there is room to improve the program and the experiences of students therein. A brief survey probing why students decide to undertake a thesis project suggests that, for many,

onlinecomment Duke wasn’t awesome just because you picked it one day four years ago. Duke was awesome because you picked it, came here, enjoyed it, became an awesome RA, and worked your way into some fantastic options for medical school.

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Perhaps, then, the professor in a student-professor thesis relationship would be more aptly renamed from thesis “advisor” to thesis “mentor.” It is a seemingly small terminological shift that nonetheless captures the importance of mentorship in the thesis writing process. A strong thesis mentor is one whose knowledge in the field can guide students, especially in the beginning stages, toward honing a question and setting the framework with the foremost scholars and literature of the field. Yet, in some cases, students have ideas to pursue but are unable to find faculty with the requisite expertise. In this case, the most important factor in thesis mentorship is a willingness to engage with and follow the student in their exploration, to traverse the research with them and to dedicate time and energy to develop not only the research but, also, the researcher, not only the scholar but, also, the individual. It is a partnership that can be enriching and rewarding for both student and professor. As the thesis program at Duke becomes increasingly robust, we encourage students of all years to amass burning questions throughout their experiences at Duke and, if the inspiration strikes, to wet their feet in the thesis endeavor.

How Duke failed its students

t has not been a great year for elections. In DSG’s most recent election, less than a quarter of students sent in their ballots. In the 2014 Midterm Elections, the United States saw its lowest voter turnout since World War II. But despite low turnout, there is an important distinction between these two elections: while DSG makes voting convenient, quick and easy for its students, state legislatures across the country have been busy passing laws that restrict the ease of voting for the supposed purpose of limiting voter fraud. In North Carolina, the 2013 Voter Information Verification Act (VIVA) cut early voting back by one week, prohibited same-day registration for voters and eliminated out-of-precinct voting. At Duke, the student body was abnormally split into two distinct precincts, each with polling places located exclusively off campus. As part of a Public Policy 301 RSL project, fellow Duke students Jennifer Colton, Maddy Bolger, Alex Elliott and I conducted exit polling on election day at the voting stations of both of these precincts in order to evaluate the ways in which the law affected Duke students. What we found was both discouraging and frustrating. Of the 233 individuals we surveyed, 148 were

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it is an ultimate challenge and herculean test of themselves and, for others, perhaps a precursor or bellwether for graduate school. For many, the decision to write a thesis comes before the selection of a topic—a sequence that usually results in a desperate search for an idea and a cobbling together of questions in the late spring of junior year. Yet, the process and the student experience would be improved by inverting the beginnings of thesis writing. That is, students should begin thinking about questions to explore more fully in a thesis throughout their time at Duke rather than under the pressure of a proposal deadline—questions arising from, perhaps, spotting gaps in the scholarly literature read in class or an observation while on DukeEngage. Such proactivity not only hones a lens of critical analysis that benefits any later endeavor but may also remove a daunting barrier that deters many from writing a thesis. The process of writing a thesis rightly varies between departments and, in the end, allows students to look back fondly and proudly at the monumental work they have accomplished. Yet, at its core, writing a thesis—no matter the discipline—is an opportunity for personal growth and mentorship from the first citation to the last presentation.

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—“Keshov Sharma” commenting on the column “I got luck with Duke”

Est. 1905

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Brendan McCartney a touch of GinGer Duke students. Of those student voters, 30% had had some trouble voting or could not vote at all. If our samples were representative of Duke student voters—and we have no reason to believe otherwise—we estimate that close to 300 students struggled in some way to cast their ballots in 2014, and over 40 attempted to vote but were unable to do so. It may be tempting to argue that voters who fail to follow the rules should not get to vote, but shifting responsibility from partisan state legislatures to individuals who take time out of their day to exercise their most basic democratic liberty is little more than victim blaming. Normative judgment aside, the consequences of voter regulations like North Carolina’s VIVA are objectively clear: many individuals who hope to vote in each election are inhibited from doing so and for reasons that go beyond ignorance. These laws are complicated, multifaceted and constantly changing due to U.S. Supreme Court oversight regarding their constitutionality. Few state legislatures made any attempt to articulate the implications of their new laws to prospective voters, particularly those most likely to be affected by the laws. Our polling indicated that two blocs of Duke student voters were particularly ill informed about what VIVA meant for them. First, upperclassmen who voted as freshmen in 2012

must have re-registered under their new addresses for the 2014 election by a set deadline well before Election Day. Before VIVA went into effect, all Duke students were registered at the same precinct, and new voters were able to register under their campus addresses right before voting at an on-campus polling station. Second, many freshmen and Residential Assistants on East Campus were told that they were registered at an address assigned to the West Campus precinct. The causes of this mix-up have not been definitively determined, but we surmise that many of these students registered under the address assigned to their P.O. boxes which, for the first time, were located on West Campus. Because out-of-precinct voting was eliminated, students at the wrong polling station were forced to go to the other off-campus station across town. Without cars, many of these students reported either giving up out of frustration or running out of time due to academic commitments. After having studied the law extensively, I was somehow one of the students kept from voting by its provisions. As an East Campus RA, my registered address did not line up with the East Campus polling station. Lucky enough to have a car, I drove to the West Campus station to cast my ballot. After again waiting in line, the polling officer hinted to me that I should say that I lived on West Campus so that he could avoid the extensive paperwork involved in creating a provisional ballot which was required due to the logistical discrepancy between my living address and that at which I was registered to vote. And hence, the ultimate irony behind these regulations to curb voter fraud is that, at least in my case, they incentivize local polling officials to themselves commit fraud. When we sent in a memo of our findings to Duke’s administration, we received this response from VP for Public Affairs Michael Schoenfeld: “You should know that Duke… took an active role in advocating for policies that would not diminish (or confuse) the ability of students to exercise their franchise in the state… DSG, Students, my office and others on campus were engaged in informing students and staff about the changes last year through email, websites, universityfunded buses to polling sites, etc., and your report is a good reminder that there is still more to be done.” Yet countless students were caught completely unaware of the changes. I would not have re-registered had an out-of-state nonprofit not come in to register student voters. Duke’s administration must take a far more central role in ensuring that all of its students who want to vote are able to do so, especially considering that an even more restrictive provision—a requirement for students who do not register within 90 days of the election to provide non-student North Carolina IDs—will be enforced in 2016. Brendan McCartney is a Trinity junior. His column runs every other Tuesday.

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one of these things does not belong

DOC is supposed to be the best day of the year. You’re supposed to sleep in. You’re supposed to start off the day with a mimosa. You’re not supposed to get a call at 10am from your mother, who’s sobbing and wants to see if you’re ok. You’re supposed to go to your classes and not pay attention and get super pumped for the concert that night. You’re not supposed to check your email and see that you are being asked to leave campus. You’re supposed to have an amazing night, one last party before holing up in Perkins before reading period. You’re not supposed to discover that someone with whom you trusted with one of your biggest secrets has decided that you are a danger to yourself and others, and are no longer fit to stay on Duke’s campus. I am a human. I am a student. I am a friend, a lover, a sibling. I am passionate. I am driven. I am dangerous. One of these things does not belong. This is the second anonymous article I’m writing for

Anonymous Guest column The Chronicle. The first —“Welcome to my Closet”— was a brief summary of my struggle with anxiety. One of the bigger conflicts I had when writing it was whether to remain anonymous. On the one hand, I thought putting my name to the article would allow people to approach me and perhaps share their stories. On the other, that would automatically cast me as the “crazy girl” to anyone who hasn’t met me yet, including potential friends, bosses and partners. In the end, self-preservation took over, and the article went out anonymous. Only a few knew the name behind the words, one of them being a close friend. She proofread the article

for me, and gave me some great feedback along with words of support and encouragement. The funny thing about words is, they can be empty. Not two weeks later were those same words twisted into statements of fear and rejection. “You are a danger to yourself and others.” “Please do not contact me again.” “I can’t be around you.” “You are the one that does not belong.” “You’re in remission! You can never cure depression. You’re so strong. You’ll have this burden for the rest of your life.” Which of these things does not belong? I gave up. I put on a brave face, passed my finals, drank my way through beach week and then simply gave up. At home, I let myself believe that those words were true. I let myself sink into them and cry about how I was truly a threat to the people I loved. I started stealing and lying and rebelling because what was the point? It took me four months before I even realized I could be wrong, and opened up the topic with my therapist. It took me half a year to consider the possibility that it is not a mental illness, but a stigma that was causing me so much harm. It took me until today, almost a year after the whole thing happened, to realize that I can do something about it. When I wrote “Welcome to my Closet,” I hid my name because of fear. Now I hide it because of pride. I am ashamed of how much I let these words affect me. “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” Wrong. Words will lift you and twist you and throw you so hard that your very being breaks and you are forced to question who defines you—you, your friends or your mental illness? Love. Support. Compassion. Understanding. Caring. Stigma. One of these things does not belong.

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The author of this column has chosen to remain anonymous. Please send an email to chronicleletters@duke.edu if you would like to contact the author.

shout out to 2015

n my first column, “Dear Duke,” I shared a few life lessons that I’ve learned during my time here at Duke. Four years doesn’t seem like much time; it goes by so quickly, and, now that I am at the end of my Duke tenure looking back, it shocks me. It’s shocking how much I’ve grown. It’s shocking how much I’ll actually miss this place. Furthermore, it’s shocking how much I want to say. A year of columns wasn’t enough nor was it easy. But for this last one, I think I’m going to be a little selfish and write something to myself. To the person that I am right now and to the person I hope to become in the future. Here are some life lessons every college grad should take to heart. The limit does not exist. I don’t think Cady Heron was aware of the motivational life she was serving during that Mathletes competition, but I heard it and it’s something every college grad should hear. People say that college is the best four years of your life. To me, that’s a little pessimistic. College isn’t the best and it definitely isn’t the peak; it’s just the start. During these four years, I’ve studied abroad, challenged myself and even rode a bull thrice. I don’t plan on slowing down any time soon and neither should you. We may be leaving college, but I say this is the time to dream bigger and

Fedner Lauture 50 shades of Groot achieve greater goals. The only limit to our success is our imagination. Be present. As Edna E. Mode from Disney Pixar’s The Incredibles once said, “I never look back, darling! It distracts from the now.” We spend a lot of time planning for the future and worrying about our problems. It’s so easy to just complain about what we see as tribulations in our lives instead of welcoming the blessings in our lives. Truthfully, foresight is very important and a good dose of it can save you a lot of grief. But momma always said too much of a good thing can be bad and ain’t nobody

got time for that. Spend a few moments just thankful for being able to breathe and smell the roses. Whenever I’m stressed about projects or not meeting a deadline, taking those five minutes to just be in the now and experiencing the world around me helps me focus and push through whatever issue I’m facing. It’s okay to be wrong. Hermione Granger may be a know-it-all, but she’s also a fictional character. No one actually expects you to have all of the answers; in fact, I’m pretty sure most people would prefer it because now there is an opportunity for you to learn. Being wrong isn’t an issue; not learning is an issue. I believe that we need to focus less on being perfect and focus more on growing. Having all of the answers may make you omniscient, but it also makes you stagnant. As we move on into the real world, expect to not only make mistakes and screw up but to also learn from those mistakes and grow from them. Live for yourself. I am blessed with an amazing support group of friends and family. Each day I push harder and challenge myself because I know that they will always support me, and that support means so much. However, I also know that in order to be successful, I have to want it just as much. I’m the one in the driver’s seat which means I have to take responsibility for my successes and my failures. You have to live for you and you have to challenge yourself for you. It’s easy to make decisions based on what other people believe is right for you. But if you go around trying to please everyone else, then who is going to please you? Take the time to do what you want. You’ll realize that life is better when you’re doing what makes you happy. The journey doesn’t end here and there is so much more for us to experience. It seems a little daunting, but if I am honest with myself, I’m kind of excited. It’s not the final frontier. It’s just the next one and a new chapter in our lives. To the Class of 2015, it’s been pretty f**king swell. Thank you for being a part of the best time of my life so far. The past four years have been everything from debauch and exhilarating to angst-ridden and enlightening. And I’m thankful for all of it! Fedner Lauture is a Trinity senior. His column runs every other Tuesday.

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Lessons Learned

ear incredible Duke: It’s been quite the ride. We’ve had our ups. We’ve had our downs. It would be an understatement to say that I’m a different person now than I was four years ago when I first walked into Randolph. That fresh-out-of-high-school girl was riding the freshout-of-high-school wave. I came to Duke with all the false confidence brought about by being “good at things” in high school. But Duke was different. Back in the day, I didn’t know a ton of Type A people. I was the one who was always running around from the classroom to the volleyball court to the yearbook office to the newspaper office. Coming to Duke was like losing my footing and landing flat on my face with no way of breaking my fall—and those who know me will testify that this could be taken literally or figuratively; no one will be comparing my gracefulness to that of a swan anytime soon. Suddenly, everyone was who I had been in high school; running all over the place, stretching themselves thin, trying so hard to be better, trying so hard to be the best. There’s no time to stop and breathe. You just take in enough air to rally for the next sprint. So without anyone to remind me the importance of breathing, I ran. And I fell. And I ran. And I fell. By the end of sophomore year, I had reached my limit. I couldn’t keep

Ananya Zutshi Blood, sweat, and teer going at that breakneck pace trying to keep up that stereotypical aura of effortless perfection so I finally stopped and took a few big steps back. Duke had broken me. But I’m an engineer, and it’s my job to fix things. And now here I am, a patched-up senior, and I want to share with you some of the things that I’ve learned and am still learning. Lesson one: Don’t take yourself so seriously. It’s easy to get caught up in the sheer volume of opportunities Duke offers. But note to self: you’re not better than anyone else just because you’re studying biomedical engineering even if it sounds cool. And being a biomedical engineer doesn’t mean you can’t spend an evening singing along to Frozen with friends or enjoy brunch at the Nasher alone followed by strolling around the exhibits. It’s okay to be young and want to explore this shiny, new world. Laughing is healthy. Laughing at yourself is freedom. Lesson two: You can’t base your success on the successes of others. This little nugget is from a very insightful Brit I met while abroad. If there’s one thing that engineering has taught me, it’s that, as scary as it is, failure is inevitable. But it is not defining. Duke is spilling over the brim with impressive personas, but someone else’s shine in no way dims yours. It’s admirable to try to be better, but that doesn’t always mean that you’re not already good enough. That means that you don’t have to force your body into being a size two, and you’ll be okay even if you don’t have plans lined up for after graduation. Lesson three: You don’t have to be so tough all the time. Confession: This one is really hard for me. But it’s not a weakness to cry. It’s not even a weakness to admit that you want to cry. Everyone has their burdens, and it’s only human to expose yours once in a while. It doesn’t take away from your strengths. If anything, it adds to them. Letting that wall around you down isn’t easy, but vulnerability is beautiful. Lesson four: Love yourself. This is another one that I’m still working on but arguably the most important. About two years ago, I stumbled upon a spoken word poem titled “How to Meet Yourself in the Mirror.” The poet, Ashley Wylde, starts off saying, “Tell me what you love,” followed by a long list ranging from pizza to the way the sunlight is filtered through campfire. Then she asks: “how long do you think you could go on and on before you said, ‘I love myself.’” That line hit me like a load of bricks. Why is it so hard to look in the mirror and honestly and truly like what you see? Why are we hardwired to shower praises on all those around us but are consistently our own biggest critics? I don’t know. But I do know that loving yourself is, without any doubt, the best thing you can do. It’s forgiving the mistakes you have made and will make. It’s wearing that lipstick that might be a shade too dark, but screw it—you like it. It’s knowing that everything will be okay even when you don’t get that job that you desperately wanted, or when that boy asks another girl out. It’s confidence. If you get anything out of this article, I hope it is that you actively try to start loving yourself. Duke demands excellence. This place will rip you to shreds. You thought you were smart? Here’s a 32 on your first college midterm. Athletic? Here, meet D1 athletes and even an intermural volleyball team that’s arguably better than your high school varsity one. Pretty? Here, surround yourself with so many people that you can’t help but draw comparisons. During the peak stress of the job hunt, a friend and I talked about what we considered to be our greatest weaknesses. Hers was confrontation; mine was not giving myself enough credit. Not to be sappy, but it was a pretty touching moment. We are two people who tend not to let our guard down, but that night, whether it was the late hour or the mind-numbness that comes with practicing case studies, we did. Like I often do when things get serious, I cracked a joke, laughed and made a comment about how funny it was. And then she said something that will stick with me for a while: “You really need to learn to give yourself as much credit as you give your jokes.” It might be a constant effort, but you will survive, and you will sow yourself back together with blood, sweat and tears—pardon the cliché. Here’s to giving ourselves the credit we deserve. Good luck out there, my friends. Ananya Zutshi is a Pratt senior. Her column runs every other Tuesday.

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