8 minute read
The Longing of Our Souls
O my papa, To me you are so wonderful O my papa, To me you are so good.
But after some time, she noticed that I had stopped listening to the song. She wondered whether I could have come to accept the reality of my father’s death and was on the road to emotional recovery.
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The truth was very different. I had stopped listening to that song because the pain in my heart grew more unbearable each time I listened to the song. Up to this very day, I would tear up upon listening to the song “O my papa.”
As the years passed, I grew up and fathered two precious children of my own. As they grew older, I aged too. My son who worked in Melbourne for five years after completing his Master’s degree in Business Administration at the University of Melbourne, gave up a lucrative position as the Strategic Director in the largest digital agency in Australia to return to Malaysia in 2016. He returned because his parents “were getting on in age.” His return was a rushed one as he was wrongly informed that I had dementia.
My daughter was sent to the United Kingdom by the Lord to be His missionary there, together with her family. Her calling to serve the Lord there is so evident that her supposedly “one-year stay” looks as though it will be much longer.
In the meantime, I came across a song sung by Paul Anka entitled “Papa.” I found myself drawn to it repeatedly after listening to it once. It was like the resurgence of “O my Papa” and almost replaced it.
It stirred a deep longing for my late father but, more than that, it somehow also stirred up a longing for my Heavenly Father, who became my “de facto” father after the loss of my father.
So, in 2020, these two songs would come very close to echoing Psalm 63 in my life. The words of these two songs may not replace adequately the words in Psalm 63 but the sentiments and emotions stirred up by the two songs do adequately reflect my heat’s cry:
As I pen the words of my reflection, I am reminded of some of us who do not have a father experience that could be, in any way, described as “awesome.” Someone could have gone through the pain of losing a father to illness. Another could have lost a father to another family, while still another could have had a father at home but one that could not relate to him or her as a father to his child. Finally, some could have had fathers that instilled terror, fear and hatred in them rather than peace, love and security. Whether absentee or hated fathers, a deep unfulfilled cry has been created in our hearts:
It is in times like this that our Heavenly Father calls out to us, assuring us:
“....I understand your pain my child. I saw your tears, my precious child. I collected every tear from your eyes, every tear from your heart and brought them to my own heart. And it is for those tears that I died. It is for that pain that I have come to you.”
“....No more fear, no more pain. My arms have been stretched out all this time waiting for you. My arms are aching for you. Just come into my arms and rest your head on my bosom. Don’t go through life alone in fear and pain. I am your security. I will protect you.”
“ I love you dearly. I am your daddy and I will be your daddy forever. Take hold of my hand as you walk through the journey of life. We will walk together, we will walk hand-in-hand, your hand in mine and mine in yours, my child, my precious child.”
“Whisper into my ears when you grow tired walking. And I will carry you all the way to the finishing line, my child, my precious child.”
“Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28 New Living Translation)
These are the links to the songs referred to in this article
“Oh! My Pa-pa” by Eddie Fisher https://youtu.be/SHOrMmz1Nbg “Papa” by Paul Anka https://youtu.be/unE8E581RMc
I Remember My Faith By Faith Tan, PJN2
As I listened to this song, “Remember” by Lauren Daigle, the lyrics resonated very well with me and strangely warmed my heart. Before I knew it, it was as though God was taking me down memory lane with Him. Everything became crystal clear. I remembered all the three occasions that God had healed me miraculously. Yes, “I remember, I remember” just like the lyrics of the song, “You have always been faithful to me”. Hence, it is only apt that I should testify of His faithfulness and goodness to me.
FIRST MIRACLE: HEALING OF A SINUS PROBLEM
When I first moved back to Malaysia in 2003, I suffered chronic sinus infections for the first time in my life. I consulted numerous ENT specialists in Singapore and Malaysia and was told the same thing. I was allergic to dust from the air-conditioners, carpets, curtains and fabric furnishings.
The problem recurred as often as once every two weeks. It affected my sleep, my work and overall quality of life. Besides feeling unwell, I also suffered rejections from my colleagues who avoided coming near me and even gave me the nickname “germs”.
For about two years, I was given antibiotics every two to three weeks to clear the infection and inflammation in my nose. I was subsequently given antibiotics every two months for another four years. For many years, I had to use a nasal spray and anti-histamines for maintenance.
I went for all kinds of tests. Thankfully, my ENT specialist in Singapore did not prescribe any surgery. He told me that there was nothing wrong with my nose. He said, “You just have a sensitive nose!”
I cried out to God for His healing. Eventually, He answered me - after six years. I have been healed from sinusitis infection. Since 2009, I have not had the need for any antibiotics to clear any sinus infection. Hallelujah!
SECOND MIRACLE: HEALING OF MY THYROID
In July 2012, I experienced sudden weight loss. I had a racing heart beat and also had trouble sleeping at night. There was a lump in my thyroid gland. I went to see the ENT specialist who is also a relative. After some tests, she diagnosed me as having an overactive thyroid. As my mother and all her three sisters have thyroid problems, she felt that my problem was hereditary. It made sense as my three aunties have had
operations while my mother is on thyroid medication for life.
I prayed earnestly for healing. I cried out to God to be spared of surgery as I could not bear the prospect of a scar on my neck. Thank God, my thyroid scores were normalised after one month of medication. The doctor decided to stop the medication and monitor my condition. Clearly, she had more faith than me. For the next six months, I went for periodic blood tests. My thyroid scores stayed normal and the lump in my thyroid gland was gone. I have been going for yearly blood tests and God has completely healed my thyroid. Hallelujah!
THIRD MIRACLE: HEALED OF INTERSTITIAL CYSTITIS
In 2015, I was told by a Gynaecology and Urogynaecology consultant that I had interstitial cystitis (IC), which was a chronic condition causing pressure and pain in the bladder and sometimes the pelvis. Whenever an IC episode struck, I would suffer excruciating pain and, occasionally, have difficulty in breathing. As I was advised that there was no cure for IC, I was overwhelmed by fear and distress.
My social life, sleep pattern and ability to work were adversely affected. When I flew, I would make sure I had an aisle seat near the toilet. Whether I was in church or at any function, I had to have a seat nearest the toilet. I carried a range of pain killers to be prepared for any IC episode.
For four years, I cried out continuously to God. Eventually, the frequency of the episodes started to reduce gradually and I am pleased to testify that I have not had a single episode for the past one year. I believe God has healed me completely of interstitial cystitis. Hallelujah!
As I remember how God had answered my prayers and healed me of my three chronic conditions supernaturally, I can only shout endless “Hallelujah” to the King of Kings and the Lord of Lords.
What I have learned from these health situations?
In my darkest hour and in times of greatest pain, I have learnt to keep my faith (Hebrews 11) and keep believing that God’s ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts higher than my thoughts (Isaiah 55:8-8). I have learned to pray earnestly, keep knocking on God’s door (Matthew 7:7-12) and cling onto His promises that He will heal all my diseases (Psalm 103:3 and Isaiah 53:5); these verses have given me hope and strength. Learning to surrender my issues to God (Galatians 2:20) and choosing to focus on His unfailing love towards me (Isaiah 54:10 & Romans 8:37-39) also helped me to cope and move on.
Today, as I walk down memory lane, I am reminded that no matter what the doctors say, our mighty God is sovereign. It is He who has the “Final Say”. Yes Lord, You have always been faithful to me!
