Who’s in Your Village?

When I started thinking through the idea of profile of The Strong One, I realized that what I had considered strong for so long was the epitome of weak, empty and unsustainable living. I realized that as difficult as it is, authenticity and vulnerability in safe spaces are healthy and key to thriving in life.

From my interactions with clients, those I have mentored or otherwise journeyed with, I understand that this statement sounds unrealistic to many. Being vulnerable is difficult and identifying safe spaces to be vulnerable in is even harder. The reality is, many of us chose to not be authentic or vulnerable not because we want to constantly live masked up, but because we haven’t created a community that surrounds, supports and builds us up. Betrayals, abuse and other negative life experiences burn us out. Add to that prior experiences with being judged harshly, confidences being breached and sometimes, attacks to our self-worth which devalues our voice, and we are left feeling that we are unable to trust anyone but ourselves and sometimes Jesus! Don’t get me wrong, I’m not pointing fingers or trying to make anyone feel any shame, instead my goal is that you take inventory.

Do you have safe spaces? Who is in your village? For those who have a village, are you pouring only and blocked from receiving? Ultimately, are you seen and known? You see, it’s not only those who have significant breaches, there are some of us who have learned, whether from explicit or indirect messaging that you shouldn’t trust others. I’ll go further to suggest that there is a constant message that women in particular aren’t to be trusted and so we keep acquaintances but never really invest the time and energy required for meaningful and authentic relationships. The relationship where you can be seen and accepted. The ones in which, you can vent and rest when you are fatigued and worn. Yep! These exist outside of Jesus, but healthy relationships take a lot of work, and I’ll briefly outline three C’s that are required. To build and maintain healthy relationships you need: Courage, to begin the process of opening your heart in spite of the risks. Commitment to communicate and forgive when there are disagreements and misunderstandings. And a conscientiousness to not sabotage or undermine the ebbs and flow that occur in human relationships.

Simply put, it takes maturity to maintain authenticity in relationships. And while it’s easy(ier) to throw tantrums, disconnect and hide, those three C’s require much strength. The strong one is the one who is embedded and engaged in a healthy community.

Grace, peace and love, Dr. Gia