Blowing it, rocket man and no boundaries

Interesting fact: For several days in the Great Depression, the Colorado governor publicly proposed building a border wall with New Mexico, presumably somewhere between the “You’re leaving Colorado” sign and the “Welcome to New Mexico” one.

Dear Rachel,

Why have I known so many women who say they’re going to powder their nose when they go to the bathroom, especially in public? We’ve come so far in being able to talk about womanly things in public, and yet we apparently have so far still to go if women don’t feel they can say “I have to pee” or “Excuse me” or the old classic “I’m going to wash my hands” which is (I hope) true if not the whole truth. Can you shed some light on this euphemistic use of old makeup terminology in this day and age?

– Potty Broken

Dear Nosey, Me personally, I like to shout “What’s that?” and point across the room. Then, when everyone is distracted, I run the other way to what I hope is the bathroom. If the bathroom is in the direction I pointed, well, then everyone’s out of luck. As for this nose-powdering business, I didn’t realize it was makeup-related. I thought it meant “I’m going to go snort some coke,” and I’ve always been disappointed those people don’t invite me.

– Snort, Rachel

“Fermentation,” 6:30 p.m., Animas Valley Grange, 7271 CR 203.

Gutter Town, Cybearg, American Businessman & Moon Bandits, 7:30 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave.

Comedy Showcase, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday18

Community Yoga, 4:30-5:30 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd. Donations accepted.

Slow Bluegrass Jam, 5:30-7:30 p.m., General Palmer Hotel, 567 Main Ave.

Rotary Club of Durango meeting, featuring speaker Grant Wilson, director of the Earth Law Center, 6 p.m., Strater Hotel, 699 Main Ave.

Dear Rachel,

I keep thinking about that Russian coup that didn’t quite happen. I also keep thinking about what a similar coup would look like here. Would it be Elon Musk marching with all his Tesla diehards from charging station to charging station? Or would it be something much less sinister than that?

– T.N. Foil

Dear Saran Wrap,

Um, we know exactly what a miserably failed coup here would look like. It looks like a very few people going to jail and everyone else walking free, while practically everyone in elected office downplays what happened. At least Elon whatshisname would make headlines for longer. Though I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he’d go up in a rocket that takes a wrong turn in Albuquerque.

– Power to the people, Rachel telegraph@durangotelegraph.com

Dear Poor Boundaries,

Dear Rachel,

The more I think about state boundaries, the more ridiculous I think the whole thing is. I mean, the lines between any of the Four Corners states seem arbitrary at best and horribly misplaced at worst. Durango should be right on a freaking border. Everything south feels like New Mexico, everything north feels like classic stereotypical Colorado. Is there some history lesson here I should give myself?

– Riding the Line

Sunset Yoga, 7 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, 1330 Camino del Rio.

Concerts in the Plaza – The Ben Gibson Band, 68 p.m., Three Springs Plaza, 175 Mercado St.

Black Velvet, 6 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Horizon plays, 6 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Andrew Schuhmann plays, 6-8:30 p.m., James Ranch, 33846 Highway 550.

Open Mic, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday19

Open Meditation, 8-9:15 a.m., Durango Dharma Center, 1800 E. 3rd Ave.

There are so very many ill-defined lines in our world. And they’re all invisible! The “You’re Leaving State X” sign and the “Welcome to State Y” sign are always close, but not touching. The state line is somewhere between them, but no one knows where! Same with the line between “making a joke about cocaine in the newspaper” and “not making a joke about cocaine in the newspaper.” My editor might have cut it out to save both our skins, but now that I’ve called back to it here, she’s stuck with it.

– Applying for statehood, Rachel

Restorative Yoga for Cancer, 9:30-10:45 a.m., no cost for cancer patients, survivors and caregivers, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Register at cancersupportswco.org/calendar.

Music in the Mountains Dinner & Family Concert, 5:30 p.m., FLC’s Community Concert Hall.

Walking Meditation, 6:30-7:15 p.m., Claire Viles Park, durangodharmacenter.org

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Karaoke, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Ongoing

Music in the Mountains, July 6-30, musicinthemountains.com.

Beat at the he he heatat!

Great selection of shorts, tanks, swimsuits, sundresses & hats Daily

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Many astrologers enjoy meditating on the heavenly body Chiron. With an orbit between Saturn and Uranus, it is an anomalous object that has qualities of both a comet and a minor planet. Its name is derived from a character in ancient Greek myth: the wisest teacher and healer of all the centaurs. Chiron is now in the sign of Aries and will be there for a while. Let’s invoke its symbolic power to inspire two quests in the coming months: 1. Seek a teacher who excites your love of life. 2. Seek a healer who alleviates any hurts that interfere with your love of life.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): It’s high time for some high culture! You are in a phase to get rich benefits from reading Shakespeare, listening to Beethoven and enjoying paintings by Matisse and Picasso. You’d also benefit lavishly from communing with the work of virtuosos like Mozart, Michelangelo and novelist Haruki Murakami. However, I think you would garner even greater emotional treasures from reading Virginia Woolf, listening to Janelle Monáe’s music and enjoying Georgia O’Keeffe’s paintings. Get cozy with the books of Simone Weil, listen to Patti Smith’s music, and see Frida Kahlo’s art.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): The French phrase j’ajoute (translated as “I adjust”) is a chess term used when a player is about to adjust their pieces but does not yet intend to make a move. J’ajoute might be an apt motto for you to invoke in the coming days. You are not ready to make major shifts in the way you play the games you’re involved in. But it’s an excellent time to meditate on that prospect. You will gain clarity and refine your perspective if you tinker with and rearrange the overall look and feel of things.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “The Simpsons” animated show has been on TV for 34 seasons. Ten-year-old Bart Simpson is one of the stars. He is a mischievous rascal who’s ingenious in defying authority. Sometimes teachers catch him in his rebellious acts and punish him by making him write apologetic affirmations on the classroom blackboard. For example: “I will not strut around like I own the place. I will not obey the voices in my head. I will not express my feelings through chaos. I will not trade pants with others. I will not instigate revolution. I am not deliciously saucy. I cannot absolve sins. Hot dogs are not bookmarks.” In accordance with your unruly astrological omens, Cancerian, I authorize you to do things Bart said he wouldn’t do. You have a license to be deliciously saucy.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Early in her career, Leo actor Lisa Kudrow endured disappointments. She auditioned for the TV show “Saturday Night Live” but wasn’t chosen. She was cast as a main character in the TV show “Frasier” but was replaced during the filming of the pilot episode. A few months later, though, she landed a key role in the new TV show “Friends.” In retrospect, she was glad she got fired from “Frasier,” so she could be available for “Friends.” “Frasier” was popular, but “Friends” was a super hit. Will there be a “Frasier” moment for you in the coming months, dear Leo? That’s what I suspect. So keep the faith.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): The coming weeks will be a good time to seek helpful clues and guidance from your dreams. Take steps to remember. Here are a few possible dream scenes and their meanings. 1. A dream of planting a tree means you’re primed to begin a project that will grow for years. 2. A dream of riding in a spaceship suggests you yearn to make your future come more alive in your life. 3. A dream of taking a long trip or standing on a mountaintop may signify you’re ready to come to new conclusions about your life story.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): In reviewing the life work of neurologist and author Oliver Sacks, critic Patricia Holt said he marveled at how “average people not only adapt to injury and disease but also create something transcendent out of a condition others call disability.” Sacks specialized in collaborating with neurological patients who used their seeming debilitations “to uncover otherwise unknown resources and create lives of originality and innovation.” I bring this up, Libra, because I suspect that in the coming months, you will have extra power to turn your apparent weaknesses or liabilities into assets.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): It’s a mistake to believe we must ration our love as if we only have so much to offer. The fact is, the more love we give, the more we have available to give. As we tap into our deepest source of generosity, we discover we have greater reserves of it. What I’ve just said is always true, but it’s especially apropos for you right now. You are in a phase when you can dramatically expand your understanding of how many blessings you have to dole out.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Home computers didn’t become common until the 1980s. During the previous decade, small start-up companies with adventurous experimenters did the grunt work that made the digital revolution possible. Many early adapters worked out of garages, preferring to devote their modest resources to the actual work rather than to fancy labs. I suspect the coming months will invite you to do something similar, Sagittarius: to be discerning about how you allocate your resources as you plan and implement your vigorous transformations.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): I’m tempted to call this upcoming chapter of your life story “The Partial Conquest of Loneliness.” Other good titles might be “Restoration of Degraded Treasure” or “Turning a Confusing Triumph into a Gratifying One” or “Replacing a Mediocre Kind of Strength with the Right Kind.” Can you guess that I foresee an exciting and productive time for you in the coming weeks? To best prepare, drop as many expectations and assumptions as you can, so you will be fully available for the novel and sometimes surprising opportunities.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): By 1582, the inexact old Julian calendar used by the Western world for 13 centuries was out of whack, because it had no leap years. The spring equinox was occurring too early, on March 10. Pope Gregory commissioned scientists who devised a more accurate way to account for the passage of time. The problem was that the new calendar needed a modification that required the day after October 4 to be October 15. Eleven days went missing –permanently. People were resentful and resistant, though eventually all of Europe made the conversion. In that spirit, Aquarius, I ask you to consider an adjustment that requires a shift in habits. It may be inconvenient at first, but will ultimately be good for you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Piscean novelist Peter De Vries wrote, “Sometimes I write drunk and revise sober, and sometimes I write sober and revise drunk. But you have to have both elements in creation – the Apollonian and the Dionysian, or spontaneity and restraint, emotion and discipline.” In the coming weeks, you Pisces folks will be skilled at weaving these modes as you practice what you love to do. You’ll be a master of cultivating dynamic balance; a wizard of blending creativity and organization; a productive change-maker who fosters both structure and morale.

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com

Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.) Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2

Approximate office hours:

Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish

Thurs: On delivery

Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements

HelpWanted

Carpenter Needed in Durango

Can you: work 8 hours a day, 5 days a week? (no weekends) Do you: have some tools, reliable transportation, and a phone? Are you: experienced in framing, siding, and some finish carpentry?

Can you: return phone calls, messages? Will you: be where you say you’ll be, when you say you’ll be there? We’ve got a place for you if the answers are YES! Good pay for steady hands - call Steve 970-769-1653

ForSale

Berry Plants for Sale

Elderberry, raspberry and cherry shrubs. Make your own elderberry syrup! Fres elderflower and Nanking cherry available to make cordials or teas. So lovely and yummy! mtberrymedicine@gmail.com

Jackson Antix 1.0 Medium

Whitewater kayak. Super fun river runner/surfer. Very good condition – all outfitting intact, no tears or rips, clean cockpit. In hot pink/orange/yellow fade. Downtown Durango. Message for dets: 970-749-2595.

TaoTronics 4k Action Camera

HaikuMovieReview

“Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny” Indy’s key rules: don’t steal artifacts. Nazis and snakes are just the worst.

– Lainie Maxson

a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-7590199.

Learn to Square Dance

Free intro on Monday nights in July, regular classes start August 7th. No partner needed. Call Carla at 970-9036478 for more info.

KDUR is Celebrating 50 years of broadcasting in 2025. With that anniversary fast approaching, staff is on the hunt for past DJs. Maybe you did a show for one year, maybe you did a show for 10. However long that was, hopefully you have a fond memory, a story or maybe even some recorded material! If you do, please email station manager Bryant Liggett, Liggett_b@fort lewis.edu or call 970.247.7261

Classes/Workshops

Dance Classes for Adults

The desire to dance is timeless. Dance adds variety, community, and joy to your fitness routine. Find out more at durangodance.com/releve

West Coast Swing Dance

6-week class starts July 19. Learn the basics of West Coast Swing. Registration is required at www.westslopewesties .com

Hire the Right People for You

We recruit the people you need. Visit: http://maryjanespeople.com and email us at hi@maryjanespeople.com

CommercialforRent

Beautiful Bodywork Space

Part time space available on weekends and Mondays in beautiful, clean, established building full of healers. Text 970-946-1051 if interested.

Office Co-Share Available

Furnished office, private bathroom, secure entrances and covered parking. Visit snowhaven.org to reserve the space.

Wanted

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

New and in the box. Comes with user guide and all accessories that came with it: waterproof housing, handlebar/pole mount, mounts, battery, tethers, protective back cover, USB cable and lens cleaning cloth. $50. J.marie.pace@gmail.com

Reruns Home Furnishings

Brighten up your indoor and outdoor space –patio sets, bistros, cool garden art and décor inside and out. Looking to consign smaller furniture pieces … 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.Sat. 385-7336.

Services

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing

Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork

Lotus Path Healing Arts

Now accepting new clients. Offering

Integrated Massage

Deep tissue therapeutic body work @ Durango Wellness Clinic Call/text 970.403.5451 to book a session with Dennis. Inquire about Telegraph discount.

CommunityService

Calling all La Plata County Artists curators and galleries. The First annual Durango Art Week kicks off Sept. 15. Participation is open to anyone in the art field. Durango Art Week’s strives to provide an engaging and memorable experience by uniting the community through art and celebrating diversity and accessibility. If you are interested in learning more or registering, email art week@durango.org.

Volunteers Needed

Do you want to make a difference in your community and the lives of others? Alternative Horizons is always in need of volunteers to staff our hotline. AH supports and empowers survivors of domestic violence. Training and ongoing support provided. Next training will be held on May 8th and 9th. For more info. call 970-247-4374 or visit alternativehorizons.org/