AskRachel Burkinis, not a latté & philanderer or philanthropist?

Interesting fact: Aheda Zanetti designed the first burkini as activewear for Muslim women. I have nothing funny to say about her. She’s my hero, and I want one.

Dear Rachel, Berlin’s government announced rules permitting women to swim topless in municipal pools just like men. A woman was thrown out of a Berlin pool in December for refusing to cover up her breasts. She filed a dissemination complaint, and the rules changed. Regulations list new swimwear, trunks, bikinis, burkinis, but don’t say who wears what. Some elected folk will have a heart attack. Some will wonder if this is OK for Colorado and rejoice. Your thoughts on this?

– Skin Deep

Dear Superficial, Frankly, I wish it had gone the other way. Make EVERYONE cover up. I could give a squirrel crap what you look like in a swimsuit. It’s ME in a swimsuit I reserve judgment for. But I get funny looks when I wear full body armor poolside. If everyone had to wear at least a burkini, then no one would look at me funny anymore. Plus, reduced risk of skin cancer! Yeah, let’s pretend that’s the motivation.

– Splish splash, Rachel

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Good Times Band plays, 6-9 p.m., Durango Hot Springs.

Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday10

Restorative Yoga for Cancer, every Wednesday, 9:30-10:45 a.m., no cost for cancer patients, posttreatment survivors and caregivers, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. Register at cancersupportswco.org/calendar.

Live music, 6-9 p.m., The Office & Diamond Belle, 699 Main Ave.

Open Mic, 6:30 p.m., EsoTerra Ciderworks, 558 Main Ave.

Dear Rachel, When I’m ordering a latté now, the baristas and servers ask what kind of milk I want. Um, a latté comes with milk? Full stop. If I wanted some other milk, I’d say so. And that would be fine. But I don’t have to specify a beef burger (versus a veggie) or a gluten-free pizza (instead of the good old gluteus maximus stuff). Is this the way it’s going? Or can I just stare down my coffee pullers when they ask?

– Milking It

Dear Lactose Intolerant, Someone just trying to make sure you get the latte you really want is ruining your day? What a tough badass you are. I’d expect you to be asking for a cup full of espresso grounds. Something you can get stuck in your teeth like a real baddie. With no milk. Real tough mofos don’t cut their caffeine with mama’s milk. Make it a day-old while you’re at it. Who needs fresh anyway.

– Dark as my soul, Rachel my campaign? Asking for your help, give or not to give? Or pocket the money if I lose?

– Giving Soul

Dear Rachel,

I’m thinking of running for an office in government. I see that Trump will be running for president in 2024. He has not given one dime to charity from 2000-22. Well, should I give like I always have, to, say… Manna, Boys and Girls Club, Special Olympics and many more, or stop and line my pockets with all the donations to

San Juan Archaeological Society: “From this Earth: Ancestral Pueblo Pottery in the Animas Museum’s Collection,” 7-8:30 p.m., FLC’s Lyceum Room.

Metal Night, featuring Ethnic De Generation, Lilth, One Bullet Away and Green Lizard, 8 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main Ave.

Geeks Who Drink Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Karaoke Roulette, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Ongoing

“19 Degrees of Being,” graduating senior communication design & studio art majors exhibit, The Art Gallery at FLC. Runs until May 6.

Dear Spirit of Christmas,

So wait … are you giving your campaign donations to charity? That seems to miss the point of a campaign contribution, which is to take members of the media out for very nice dinners to ensure their journalism is incredibly well-informed. Plus, we are totally charity cases. But I’ll let it slide on one condition: If you will back a universal bare-skin ban at the swimming pool, you have my vote.

– Fill in the bubble, Rachel

The Hive Indoor Skate Park, open skate and skate lessons. For schedule and waiver, go to www.thehivedgo.org

Upcoming

Merely Players present “Bright Star,” May 11-13 & 18-20 at 7 p.m. and May 14 & 21 at 2 p.m., Merely Underground, 789 Tech Center.

“Yesterday and Today: The Interactive Beatles Experience,” May 11, 7:30 p.m., FLC’s Community Concert Hall.

Free Legal Clinic, May 12, 4-5 p.m., Ignacio Library, 470 Goddard Ave.

“In Between Everything: A Solo Exhibition by Tim Kapustka,” opening reception May 12, 5-9 p.m., Stuido & Gallery, 1027 Main Ave.

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Before forming the band called The Beatles, John Lennon, George Harrison and Paul McCartney performed under various other names: the Quarrymen, Japage 3, and Johnny and the Moondogs. I suspect you are at your own equivalent of the Johnny and the Moondogs phase. You’re building momentum. You’re gathering the tools and resources you need. But you have not yet found the exact title, descriptor or definition for your enterprise. I suggest you be extra alert for its arrival in the coming weeks.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): I’ve selected a passage to serve as one of your prime themes during the rest of 2023. It comes from poet Jane Shore. She writes, “Now I feel I am learning how to grow into the space I was always meant to occupy, into a self I can know.” Dear Taurus, you will have the opportunity to grow ever-more assured and self-possessed as you embody Shore’s description in the coming months. Congratulations in advance on the progress you will make to more fully activate your soul’s code.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Georges Rouault (1871-1958) was a Gemini painter who bequeathed the world more than 3,000 works of art. There might have been even more. But years before he died, he burned 315 of his unfinished paintings. He felt they were imperfect, and he would never have time or be motivated to finish them. I think the coming weeks would be a good time for you to enjoy a comparable purge, Gemini. Are there things in your world that don’t mean much to you anymore and are simply taking up space? Consider the possibility of freeing yourself from their stale energy.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Britain occupied India for almost 200 years. It was a ruthless and undemocratic exploitation that steadily drained India’s wealth and resources. Mahatma Gandhi wasn’t the only leader who fought British oppression, but he was among the most effective. In 1930, he led a 24-day, 240-mile march to protest the empire’s tyrannical salt tax. This action was instrumental in energizing the Indian independence movement that ultimately culminated in India’s freedom. I vote to make Gandhi one of your inspirational role models in the coming months. Are you ready to launch a liberation project? Stage a constructive rebellion? Martial the collaborative energies of your people in a holy cause?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): As crucial as it is to take responsibility, it is also essential to recognize where our responsibilities end and what should be left for others to do. For example, we usually shouldn’t do work for other people that they can just as easily do for themselves. We shouldn’t sacrifice doing the work that only we can do and get sidetracked doing work that many people can do. To be effective and to find fulfillment in life, it’s vital for us to discover what truly needs to be within our care and what should be outside of our care. I see the coming weeks as a favorable time for you to clarify the boundary between these two.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Virgo-born Marie Laveau (1801–81) was a powerful Voodoo priestess, herbalist, activist and midwife in New Orleans. According to legend, she could walk on water, summon clairvoyant visions, safely suck the poison out of a snake’s jowls and cast spells to help her clients achieve their heart’s desires. There is also a wealth of more tangible evidence that she was a community activist who healed the sick, volunteered as an advocate for prisoners, provided free teachings and did rituals for needy people who couldn’t pay her. I hereby assign her to be your inspirational role model for the coming weeks. I suspect you will have extra power to help people in both mysterious and practical ways.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): What are the best methods to exorcize our personal demons, ghosts and goblins? Or at least subdue them and neutralize their ill effects? We all have such phantoms at work in our psyches, corroding our confidence and undermining our intentions. One approach I don’t recommend is to get mad at yourself for having these interlopers. Never do that. The demons’ strategy, you see, is to manipulate you into being mean and cruel to yourself. To drive them away, I suggest you shower yourself with love and kindness. That seriously reduces their ability to trick you and hurt you –and may even put them into a deep sleep.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): As she matured, Scorpio poet Sylvia Plath wrote, “I am learning how to compromise the wild dream ideals and the necessary realities without such screaming pain.” I believe you’re ready to go even further than Plath was able to, dear Scorpio. In the coming weeks, you could not merely “compromise” the wild dream ideals and the necessary realities. You could synergize them and get them to collaborate in satisfying ways.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Some primates use herbal and clay medicines to self-medicate. Great apes, chimpanzees, bonobos and gorillas ingest a variety of ingredients that fight against parasitic infection and help relieve various gastrointestinal disturbances. Our ancestors learned the same healing arts, though far more extensively. And many Indigenous people today still practice this kind of self-care. With these thoughts in mind, Sagittarius, I urge you to spend quality time in the coming weeks deepening your understanding of how to heal and nurture yourself. The kinds of “medicines” you might draw on could be herbs, and may also be music, stories, colors, scents, books, relationships and adventures.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The mythic traditions of all cultures are replete with tales of clashes and combats. If we draw on these tales to deduce what activity humans enjoy more than any other, we might conclude that it’s fighting with each other. But I hope you will avoid this normal habit as much as possible during the next three weeks, Capricorn. I am encouraging you to actively repress all inclinations to tangle. Just for now, I believe you will cast a wildly benevolent magic spell on your mental and physical health if you avoid arguments and skirmishes.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Is there a person who could serve as your Über Mother for a while? This would be a wise and tender maternal ally who gives you the extra nurturing you need, along with steady doses of warm, crisp advice on how to weave your way through your labyrinthine decisions. Your temporary Über Mother could be any gender, really. They would love and accept you for exactly who you are, even as they stoke your confidence to pursue your sweet dreams about the future. Supportive and inspirational. Reassuring and invigorating. Championing you and consecrating you.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Congratulations on acquiring the Big New Riddle! I trust it will inspire you to grow wiser and kinder and wilder over the coming months. I’ve compiled some clues to help you unravel and solve this challenging and fascinating mystery. 1. Refrain from calling on any strength that’s stingy or pinched. Ally yourself solely with generous power. 2. Avoid putting your faith in trivial and irrelevant “benefits.” Hold out for the most soulful assistance. 3. The answer to key questions may often be, “Make new connections and enhance existing connections.”

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com.

Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.) Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2

Approximate office hours:

Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish

Thurs: On delivery

Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Classes/Workshops

Harness the Power of Your Intent!

Visit Intentionfist.com to learn about the ancient method of harnessing intent to develop integrated strength. Restore your vitality, reclaim lost ranges of motion and bring your energy work or martial arts to the next level using the method. Private lessons, weekly Durango classes & online resources available. Call Steve 281-202-4422

Aikido Intro Class

Aikido is a Japanese martial art with a do-no-harm attitude. Gain poise, balance, focus. Superb stress-relief. 4-week class M/Th 6-6:45. Starts May 8th. Details at www.durangoaikido.com or text/call 970-426-5257.

HelpWanted

the outdoors? Come join the crew! Applications available on our website or swing by and ask for Jen, 3677 Main Ave.

Early Childhood Teachers

Children’s House of Durango is hiring part-time, summer positions and a full-time, early childhood teacher for the 23/24 school year. Curious to learn more about Montessori or looking to join an experienced group or teachers? Send you resume to Stacy at info@chil drenshouseofdurango.com or call 970259-1089 for details.

Wanted

HaikuMovieReview

'Ticket to Paradise'

Look, sometimes I have to watch a rom-com or they'll take my lady card

– Lainie Maxson

BodyWork

Hiring Jurors for Legal Focus Group

Jurors needed for Legal Focus Group in Durango Tues., May 16. Work from 7:30am-6pm Pay = $250 Meals provided Apply at: privatejury.com

Durango Outdoor Exchange is looking for a full-time or part-time Gear Specialist. Do you have: retail sales experience -gear knowledge -Saturday availability - self motivation - stoke for

Summer Employment 2023

Looking for seasonal work?! Or a second job?! Look no further! The Bar D Chuckwagon is hiring motivated, responsible and capable workers in all departments. Food service, cocktail servers, retail, ticketing, blacksmithing, reservations, general grounds & maintenance, entry level positions available. Morning and/or evening shifts. Flexible schedule. On the job training provided. Competitive pay! Apply today or for more information, visit: bardchuck wagon.com/employment

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

ForSale

14’ Phantom Sailboat with trailer. $400. Call Dusty at 970799-2873.

The Original Hanging Sky Chair

Hand-crafted, award-winning hanging chair. Made of canvas, treated with natural paraffin for durability and water repellency. In black. Includes foot rest. Great cond. Retails for $160. Selling for $74 OBO. For more dets, see on FB marketplace or text 970-749-2595.

Reruns Home Furnishings

Brighten up your space with bistro sets, patio/garden items, furniture and new art. Looking to consign smaller furniture pieces … 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 385-7336.

Massage by Meg Bush LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-7590199.

True Wellness Healing Arts

Soul centered guidance & integrated holistic healing. 30 years experience. Hypnotherapy & alchemical shamanism. Integrated holistic healing, an intuitive therapy session combining neuromuscular & therapeutic massage, deep relaxation, sound & energy healing, aromatherapy and reflexology. Private yoga, breath work & meditation coaching. Now accepting new clients. Office located in town. www.truewell ness4u.com or call (970)335-8389 LMT, CHT, RYT - 200

Reiki Practitioner, Postpartum

Compañeros is Seeking Qualified

Candidates for either an Executive Director or Executive Co-Director position beginning in Summer 2023. Fulltime, $63-$73k annually, competitive benefits package. For more information and to apply, please visit www.companeros.org/careers

Reruns is Hiring

Part-time, regular help. Please drop off resume at Reruns, 572 E. 6th Ave.

Services

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing

Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices

on Storage!

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

Doula and reflexologist. In-office energy work sessions and reflexology by appointment, and in-home postpartum doula services and support. Energy medicine sessions held in office. Jenn DeNunzio Hall, the Sun Building, 755 E. 2nd Ave., Durango. 970-946-9352

In-Home Fitness Training

Convenient. Private. All ages. Diane Brady NSCA-CPT. 970-903-2421

Lotus Path Healing Arts

Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.