Banana-rama, proud moms and the last straw AskRachel

Interesting fact: One banana contains 3 grams of fiber (roughly 1/10 of the daily need), 100 calories (1/20 of the regular recommended intake) and one banana peel, which, let’s be frank, won’t get stepped on for a laugh near as often as you grew up thinking would happen.

Dear Rachel,

How many bananas is too many bananas for one person to eat? Not in some Cool Hand Luke scenario here. I just want to know how much of a person’s diet can be bananas and that person still be considered of sound body?

– B Anna Nas fortunate enough to see a Pride Parade simply think, “Finally, a bunch of grownups who are willing to be themselves!” Maybe that’s what scares the anti-crowd … kids growing up to be themselves. Anyway, what I can do to be a better ally this Pride Month?

– Proud Mama

Dear Lil Nanna X,

I’m not finding anything about a toxic threshold for bananas. I suspect your limiting factor is your stomach size, metabolism and personal banana threshold. Also, you have to eat the bananas when they reach personal ideal ripeness, ]n about four hours before they move beyond ] personal ideal ripeness.

– Not a medical provider, Rachel

Dear Mother Figure,

Honestly, I’m shocked I don’t hear more about how Pride is one of the seven deadlies. Of course, not murdering is one of the 10 commandos, and we don’t think of the children enough to do much about that. I think you’re on the right track. Just keep telling all the people you know that you love them for being themselves. And then show them by backing them up every time someone tries to take that away from them.

– Being nearly 40% myself, Rachel telegraph@durangotelegraph.com road. I will never do this again, but if ever I have the chance, what’s the best payback?

– Short Straw

Dear Rachel,

Have you noticed how anti-LGBTQ+ people like to clutch the “think of the children” pearl on their outrage necklace? I bet most little kids

Dear Rachel,

I’ve always taken a spin as the DD for intown nights. But I made a big, big mistake. Some friends went to a concert in Taos, and we all decided not to splurge on accommodations and just drive back home. Three drunk friends in a car for four hours is a nightmare. I nearly wished for an elk to jump into the

Comedy Showcase, 7:30 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Tuesday27

Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Community Yoga, 4:30-5:30 p.m., Yoga Durango, 1485 Florida Rd. Donations accepted.

Slow Bluegrass Jam, 5:30-7:30 p.m., General Palmer, 567 Main Ave.

Meditation & Potluck for people in their 20s and 30s, 6 p.m., Durango Dharma Center, durangodharmacenter.org

Live music, 6-8 p.m., Lola’s Place, 725 E. 2nd Ave.

Smelter Mountain Boys play, 6 p.m., James Ranch, 33846 Highway 550.

“Smashed Shakespeare’s Romeo & Juliet,” 7 p.m., 11th St. Station, 802 E. 2nd Ave.

Open Mic Night, 7 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Wednesday28

Durango PlayFest, June 28-July 2, durangoplayfest.org

Restorative Yoga for Cancer, 9:30 a.m., no cost for cancer patients, post-treatment survivors and caregivers, Smiley Building, 1309 E. 3rd Ave. cancersupportswco.org/calendar

Dear Chauffeur,

I don’t know about the BEST way, but a GREAT way to is to run into a grocery store with all the drunk friends and buy every banana in the place. Then tell your DD you all are going to test the outer limits of how many bananas one human can eat. Bonus: bananas help with hangovers!

– Always bananas, Rachel

Quick & Dirty Downtown Walking Tour, 10 a.m., Durango & Silverton Narrow Gauge Railroad Depot.

Youth Rock ‘n’ Roll Show, 6-9 p.m., The Hive, 1150 Main.

Open Mic, 6 p.m., EsoTerra Ciderworks, 558 Main Ave.

The Climbing Zine Volume 23 release party, 7-9 p.m., Gravity Lab, 732 CR 233.

Trivia, 8 p.m., The Roost, 128 E. College Dr.

Karaoke Roulette, 8 p.m., Starlight Lounge, 937 Main Ave.

Ongoing

Clean Commute Week, June 24-28, durangogov.org

“Pterosaurs: Ancient Rulers of the Sky,” 9:30 a.m.-3:30 p.m., Powerhouse Science Center, thru Sept. 17.

Upcoming

Civic Winds Jazz Orchestra presents “Big Band Holiday,” July 2, 6:30 p.m., Rotary Park.

Elder Grown, Ava Swan, Rachel Angel, Nelleke and Forest Thump play, July 8, 5 p.m., Tico Time River Resort.

The Wild Roses play, July 8th 6-9 p.m., Union Social House.

Mindful hike and meditation for people in their 20s and 30s, July 11, 6 p.m., meet at Animas Mountain Trailhead at 32nd and W. 4th Ave., find more info at telegraph

by Rob Brezsny

ARIES (March 21-April 19): When I was still an up-and-coming horoscope columnist, before I got widely syndicated, I supplemented my income with many other jobs. During one stretch, I wrote fortunes for a line of designer fortune cookies that were covered with gourmet chocolate and sold at the luxury department store Bloomingdale’s. The salary I got paid was meager. Part of my compensation came in the form of hundreds of delicious but non-nutritious cookies. If you are offered a comparable deal in the coming weeks and months, Aries, my advice is to do what I didn’t do but should have done: Ask for what’s truly valuable to you instead of accepting a substitute of marginal worth.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): My mentor Ann Davies said that of all the signs of the zodiac, you Tauruses are most likely to develop finely honed intuition. At least potentially, you can tune in to the inner teacher better than the rest of us. Here’s even better news: I believe you are entering a phase when your relationship with this stellar faculty may ripen dramatically. Please take advantage of this subtly fabulous opportunity! Each day for the next 14 days, do a relaxing ritual in which you eagerly invite and welcome the guidance of your deepest inner source.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): New College in Oxford, UK has educated students since 1379. Among its old buildings is a dining hall that features beams made of thick oak trees. Unfortunately, most oak wood eventually attracts beetles that eat it and weaken it. Fortunately, the 14th-century founders of New College foresaw that problem. They planted an oak grove whose trees were specifically meant to be used to replace the oak beams at New College. Which they are to this day. I would love you to derive inspiration from this story, Gemini. What practical long-term plans might you be wise to formulate in the coming months?

CANCER (June 21-July 22): In the Northern Hemisphere, the astrological month of Cancer begins with the sun in its greatest glory. Our home star is at its highest altitude, shining with maximum brightness. So then why is the sign of the Crab ruled by the moon? Why do the longest days of the year coincide with the ascendancy of the mistress of the night? Ahhh. These are esoteric mysteries beyond the scope of this horoscope. But here’s a hint about what they signify for you personally.

One of your assets can also be a liability: your innocent openness to the wonders of life. This quality is at the heart of your beauty, but can also, on occasion, make you vulnerable to being overwhelmed. That’s why it’s so important that you master the art of setting boundaries, of honing your focus, of quaffing deeply from a few cups instead of sipping from many cups.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The coming weeks will be a delicate time for your spiritual unfoldment. You are primed to recover lost powers, rediscover key truths you have forgotten and reunite with parts of your soul you got cut off from. Will these good possibilities come to pass in their fullness? Maybe, maybe not. It depends on how brave you are in seeking your healing. You must ask for what’s hard to ask for. You’ve got to find a way to feel deserving of the blessings that are available.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): Whether or not you have been enrolled in a learning institution during the past 12 months, I suspect you have been getting a rigorous education. Among the courses you have almost completed are lessons in intimacy, cooperation, collaboration, symbiosis and togetherness. Have you mastered all the teachings? Probably not. There were too many of them, and they were too voluminous to grasp perfectly and completely. But that’s OK. You have done well. Now you’re ready to graduate, collect your diploma and apply what you have learned.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): History has provided contradictory reports about Isabeau of Bavaria, who served as Queen of France from 1385 to 1422. Was she a corrupt, greedy and indecisive fool who harmed France’s fortunes? Or was she a talented diplomat with great skill in court politics and an effective leader during the many times her husband, King Charles VI, was incapacitated by illness? I bring these facts to your attention, Libra, hoping they will inspire you to refine, adjust and firm up your own reputation. You can’t totally control how people perceive you, but you do have some power to shape their perceptions.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): The next four weeks will be an excellent time to create and celebrate your own holidays. I recommend you dream up at least four new festivals, jubilees, anniversaries and other excuses to party. They could be quirky and modest, like Do No Housework Day, Take Your Houseplants for a Walk Day. They could be more profound and impact- ful, like Forgive Your Parents for Everything Day. You should regard playful fun as a top priority.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In Greek mythology, Prometheus was a god who stole fire from his fellow gods and gave it to humans to help them build civilization. His divine colleagues were not pleased. Why? Maybe they feared that with the power of fire, people would become like gods themselves and have no further need for gods. Anyway, Sagittarius, I hope you’re in a fire-stealing mood. It’s a good time to raise your whole world up to a higher level – to track down and acquire prizes that will lead to major enhancements. And unlike what happened to Prometheus, I think you will get away with your gambits.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Each time you sleep, you slip through magical doorways called dreams. Whether or not you recall those adventures, they offer you interesting mysteries utterly unlike the events of your daily life. A magical doorway opens when an ally or loved one shares intimate knowledge of their inner realms. Becoming absorbed in books, movies or songs is also a way to glide through a magical doorway. I bring these thoughts to your attention, Capricorn, because I suspect the coming weeks will present an extra inviting array of magical doorways.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): Psychiatrist Myron Hofer specializes in the mother-infant relationship. Among his findings: The first emotion that a newborn experiences is anxiety. Struggling to get out of the womb can be taxing, and it’s shocking to be separated from the warm, nourishing realm that has been home for months. The bad news is that most of us still carry the imprint of this original unease. The good news, Aquarius, is that the coming months will be one of the best times ever for you to heal. For optimal results, place a high priority on getting an abundance of love, support, comfort and physical touch.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Curious blends and intriguing juxtapositions are in the works – or at least they should be. Improbable alliances might be desirable, because they’re curative. Formulas with seemingly mismatched ingredients might fix a glitch, even if they never succeeded before and won’t again. I encourage you to synergize work and play. Negotiate serious business in casual settings, and make yourself at home in a wild frontier.

Deadline for Telegraph classified ads is Tuesday at noon. Ads are a bargain at 10 cents a character with a $5 minimum. Even better, ads can now be placed online: durangotelegraph.com

Prepayment is required via cash, credit card or check.

(Sorry, no refunds or substitutions.) Ads can be submitted via: n www.durangotelegraph.com n classifieds@durango telegraph.com n 970-259-0133 n 679 E. 2nd Ave., #E2

Approximate office hours:

Mon-Wed: 9ish - 5ish

Thurs: On delivery

Fri: Gone fishing; call first

Announcements

Dennis, Donald and Lindsey – where’s Melania?

Welcome to All Holistic Healers, Vendors, psychic readers, mediums, massage, family friendly activities wanting to share your gifts, talents and products at the Mind Body Spirit Fair, July 22nd at Santa Rita Park! Go to page fair application on www.inspire changecj.com for all details, CJ Marten.

KDUR is Celebrating 50 years in 2025. With that fast approaching, staff is on the hunt for past DJs. Maybe you did a show for one year, maybe you did a show for 10. However long that was, hopefully you have a fond memory, a story or maybe even some recorded material! If you do, please email station manager Bryant Liggett, Liggett_b@fort lewis.edu or call 970.247.7261

Classes/Workshops

Let’s Letter Together!

Italic, brushlettering, sign writing, chalkboards, and more! In person classes at The ArtRoom. Learn more: bit.ly/letterdurango

HelpWanted

The Town of Silverton is Sseeking to hire a full-time Community Project & Housing Coordinator to work directly with the San Juan Development Association. Key responsibilities would include community project coordination, housing program management, community engagement and outreach, and grant writing/fundraising. The Community Project & Housing Coordinator position offers a unique opportunity to make a significant impact on community development and affordable housing initiatives. The successful candidate will demonstrate strong project management skills, community engagement abilities and a commitment to creating inclusive and sustainable communities. For the full job description, please visit https://townofsilverton.colorado. gov/employment. Hours per week: 40 hours/week. Hourly rate: $30-40/hr. depending on experience. Benefits include health, vision, dental, paid time off. Contact/application information: Please send a resume and cover letter to bkremer@sanjuandevelopment.com and gkaasch-buerger@silverton.co.us or by mail to SJDA, PO Box 722, Silverton, CO 81433. Position is open until filled. The Town of Silverton is an equal opportunity employer.

Wanted

Cash for Vehicles, Copper, Alum, Etc. at RJ Metal Recycle. Also free appliance and other metal drop off. 970-259-3494.

ForSale

HaikuMovieReview

‘A Man Called Otto' Have tissues at hand because this will wreck even folks with tiny hearts

–

pendent or startup businesses. Visit our website at www.thesaltymedia.com or email jnderge@gmail.com

Harmony Cleaning and Organizing

Residential, offices, commercial and vacation rentals, 970-403-6192.

Lowest Prices on Storage!

Custom Made Llama Trailer

Llama trailer fits 2-3 llamas. Suitable for other small livestock. 2005 Heibco brand in excellent shape. $3,200. 970749-0604.

Jackson Antix 1.0 Medium

Gently used Antix. This is a super fun river runner/surfer and can catch eddies like a dream - just a little too big for me. Very good condition - all outfitting intact, no tears or rips, clean cockpit. A few minor cosmetic blems but otherwise in great shape. In hot pink/orange/yellow fade. Message for dets: 970-749-2595.

Reruns Home Furnishings

Brighten up your indoor and outdoor space – bookcases, nightstands, dressers, bistros and bar stools. Looking to consign smaller furniture pieces … 572 E. 6th Ave. Open Mon.-Sat. 3857336.

Inside/outside storage near Durango and Bayfield. 10-x-20, $130. Outside spots: $65, with discounts available. RJ Mini Storage. 970-259-3494.

BodyWork

Integrated Massage

Deep tissue therapeutic body work @ Durango Wellness Clinic Call/text 970.403.5451 to book a session with Dennis. Inquire about Telegraph discount.

Massage by Meg Bush

LMT, 30, 60 & 90 min., 970-7590199.

Lotus Path Healing Arts

Now accepting new clients. Offering a unique, intuitive fusion of Esalen massage, deep tissue & Acutonics, 24 years of experience. To schedule call Kathryn, 970-201-3373.

Learn to Square Dance

Free four-week intro with Caller Carla Roberts and the Wild West Squares of Durango. Great exercise for the mind as well as the body! No partner needed. Call to register or more info. 970-903-6478

CommercialforRent

Office Co-Share Available

Furnished office, private bathroom, secure entrances and covered parking. Visit snowhaven.org to reserve the space.

Services Marketing Small/Local Businesses

Media, website building and content editing, copywriting and editing, newsletters, blogs, etc. for small, local, inde-

CommunityService

Volunteers Needed Alternative Horizons. For more info, call 970-247-4374 or visit our website https://alternativehorizons.org/