Parent Perspective: Preparing as a parent for your child's transition to high school

By Beth Simek

High school is the time for growth and maturity; but get ready because it’s also the time for awkwardness, mistakes, and growing pains. For many parents, the beginning of high school is a reminder that, all too soon, your little one will be grown up and leaving the nest. Fear not though as you still have four more years to build upon your relationship with your teen and set a positive example for when they become an adult.

You have the opportunity to be quite a helpful resource for your teenager during this tumultuous time (although this isn’t to say it’s easy dealing with a teenager — trust me, I know, it isn’t). Though it may feel frustrating and overwhelming at times, especially if this is your first time having a child in high school, high school parenting is all about trial and error for both of you. With these tips, I am sure you will find the journey from elementary to high school parent a lot smoother.

Respect Privacy and Establish Boundaries

It is a good idea to establish clear rules before high school begins. Putting these rules into practice before school begins helps work out any kinks or misunderstandings that can sometimes occur as teens test their boundaries. While these rules will be different for every family, you should certainly establish some cut-and-dry rules for your teen’s safety (like never driving while intoxicated or getting in the car with someone who is intoxicated).

High school means new frontiers socially, and you might encounter sensitive issues with your teen that you haven’t before. Issues of peer pressure as well as sex, drugs, vaping, and drinking may come up, and you should be prepared to talk to your teen as well as establish clear expectations. These issues might be especially pertinent around certain high school events like sporting events, homecoming, or prom. Try to have an open dialogue and allow your teen to ask any questions they may have. If you feel comfortable, you might also talk about your own experiences and mistakes in order to let them know that you, too, are fallible. The information you share can ensure they aren’t listening to misinformation from unreliable sources—like other teens.

Be sure to respect your teen’s privacy the best you can though obviously, there are exceptions if you are directly worried for their safety or another person’s safety.

As a rule of thumb, you should try to get information directly from your teen by asking questions and having a safe, open, and non-judgmental dialogue. It may be difficult to “let go of your child” in a way, but trust me, this is one of the best things for your child’s high school career.

Communicate

It’s important to establish yourself as someone that your high schooler can confide in during their high school years. This goes deeper than just asking them about their day.

There is a difference between prying into their personal life and nagging about grades rather than creating a personal relationship and asking questions about their life.

Asking questions as simple as how they feel about the presidential election or what music they are currently listening to shows that you want to learn about their personal life and not just their academics. This type of trust and communication might be awkward to build at first, but by remaining persistent, non-judgmental, and calm, your teen will (hopefully) come to trust you and a deeper and more fulfilling relationship will be the result.

Encourage Independence

Everyone’s parenting strategy is different and I am certainly not encouraging you to throw caution to the wind by encouraging your teen’s independence. Rather, it’s important to think about ways that you can begin to encourage your teen to take their own future into their hands. They will surely thank you for it in adulthood!

While you might have helped your kid with academics in elementary or middle school, now is the time for them to take the reins and to prepare for the demanding workload of college and “the real world.” Let them manage their academics with their teacher and encourage them to be their own advocate. Of course, be there to support if your student needs it, but allow them the opportunity to manage their workload. The same goes for extracurricular activities; encourage your teen to join clubs and activities in or out of school, but don’t sign them up yourself or pack their schedule without permission. It’s important that they take initiative in the early high school years. Allow your student athlete to discuss any concerns they might have with the coach directly and manage conflicts on their own. Be there to support him or her and answer any need for advice but allow them the chance to handle things first.

Be Flexible, B-E Flexible

Your teen is growing into a young adult, and they may come to surprise you in both good and sometimes not so good ways. While I can’t tell you exactly what to do, I can tell you that there are very few things a loving and caring parent can’t tackle without a little patience, flexibility, and adaptability.

The transition from middle school to high school can be a roller coaster of emotions and adventures but if you do your best to follow the tips shared, the bumps can be a lot less nerve-wracking. When you’re raising a high schooler, emphasize responsibility and communication with them. Be compassionate, non-judgmental and willing to listen, but also be sure to establish clear boundaries and rules within your household. Be willing to communicate and adapt to your teen’s needs, and keep in mind that there may be plenty of surprises along the way. You’ve got a wild ride ahead of you, and it’s sure to be filled with laughter, joy, tears, anger, confusion, and hope. After all, that’s what high school is all about!