Salon discussions about growing old

All of the stylists were busy and the waiting area was full. There was no place for me to sit. That was a first. I must have looked quite perplexed because Mary Beth stopped working on her client’s curls and dragged a stool out from under her station.

“This is the best I can do right now, Ann,” she said.

Then one of the women whose coiffeur was coming to completion waved her hand and said, “ I’m sorry; it’s my fault. I was so late today. It was a kind of emergency. My neighbor flagged me down as I was getting in the car and asked for help. She seemed genuinely desperate. What could I do?”

“What was the matter?” A voice from the back room queried.

“Martha is in her late 70s … and I know that is not old , avoiding eye contact with most in the room, “but she told me she bought a computer last week so that she could see one of her grandson’s graduate from college … this afternoon…today and she had no idea how to use the computer to see the ceremony. I’m no computer whiz but I was able to help her … she paused. I understood her anxiety.”

She said she hadn’t seen her neighbor in months.

“I used to see her on her way to a weekly luncheon or going to the hospital where she volunteered, but not anymore,” she said. “I asked her about this, and it’s so sad and so common - the luncheon doesn’t happen anymore. Two of friends died and the other gal is having some financial troubles. She doesn’t go to the hospital anymore because her arthritis makes doing a lot of things she did there too difficult. And I think her only family lives in California. She was alone and I think, lonely. That computer connection was important to her.”

“Oh my gosh,” was a reply to that sentence. “I just read a note on my medical insurance Part D report that loneliness is an epidemic among the elderly. Loneliness, it said, negatively affects health. They were asking for ideas about how to change that …make people less lonely.”

From The Mailbag

Disappointed

To the editor: Independence Day is a celebration of the founding of the American experiment. In 1776, brave men and women stood up against tyranny and said “no more” to the injustices they were experiencing. They were over-taxed, underrepresented, and had no rights of their own. When the time came for a lasting founding document to be created, the first rights the founders established were those of free expression and speech.

I am disappointed that the chair of our local Democrat Committee, who happens to be the wife of my opponent, chose to assume that proximity to a group of people means wholesale acceptance of that group’s every belief, practice, and position. Ms. Deer does not claim to know or understand any of the individual members of our Republican Committee, or any of the “Moms for Liberty” for that matter. Instead of taking the time to have a respectful conversation and give people a chance, she chose to cast aspersions in the local newspaper.

For those who attend this amazing parade every year, you have seen the Manlius GOP march with candidates, supporters and just about everyone else who shows up at the parade. We even lent a hand to our Democrat assemblyman when his team ran out of candy, and made sure he was able to

Display Ads CR: Lori Lewis, ext. 316, llewis@eaglenewsonline.com

Sandy, the elder stylist shook her head. “It’s loss that creates loneliness. Loss of people, loss of your capabilities as the culture, the society changes. I remember how I learned what was considered to be a required skill … etiquette ... who to introduce to whom, when to stand when someone enters a room, how to set a table, how to write a thank you note. I don’t need to know these things any more. I need to learn what the current slang is or how to, like your neighbor, use a computer. I sometimes feel like the world is leaving me behind. Sometimes I can’t participate in conversations that include words like venmo, AI, website, clickbait, etc. I have a cell phone, but I only use it to make calls. My grandkids think I’m a cave dweller.”

The salon was now abuzz with thoughts and comments about growing old, loss, isolation and loneliness.

Another client told the group how they had to bring her father across the country to live with them after their mom died. “He was so lonely, he forgot to eat. He was so sad all the time.”

“I’m wondering how many older people find themselves lost in today’s culture with few if any friends or acquaintances to call on for help or just a cup of tea,” continued Sandy. “I’ve read about building a small house in your yard for your parents or grandparents to live in. I think they call it a granny pad. But that requires kids who would want this and the money to do it. And … maybe granny would not want to move into something like that.”

Lil, who was having bailage done for a big family get together, noted that a lot of people want to stay in their own home, whether it’s an apartment or a house. “Your home is familiar, full of memories and meaning and is defined by and defines the occupant.”

“What about senior citizen groups?” someone suggested. “There is one in our village that seems to be thriving.”

Being the know-it-all, I said something about people needing help finding someone to share brighten the day of Manlius kids on Independence Day.

Ms. Deer and Ms. Loomis are wrong to assume that every person who walks up to our group, or gets in a photo with our members, is intrinsically tied to the Manlius Republican Committee. If Ms. Deer truly had such a problem with what happened, she could have reached out to me personally and asked for an explanation. Instead, she went to the papers to attack the first fundamental right every American has under the Bill of Rights.

I am running for town supervisor because I believe every member of our community deserves a voice, not just the ones I agree with. I want to have conversations with constituents who think I am doing a great job and who think I am terrible at what I do, because I can learn and grow from every single interaction. Every resident in the Town of Manlius should know that their representatives respect them, even if they disagree. Their voice is just as important as everyone else’s, and their rights will be protected.

Hatred and hateful speech has no place in the Town of Manlius, I believe Ms. Deer would claim to agree with me. Unfortunately, she has done little to show that she means it.

TiMoThy KElly Chair town of Manlius GoP

their life like a senior citizen friend dating service. And then it came to me!

“What if they had pets?” I threw that idea out.

There was a silence that ended with observations that a pet could outlive the owner or that senior budgets couldn’t accommodate the additional cost of a cat or dog.

I plunged ahead., “Why not adopt an older pet, one that is at the stage in its life that is the same as the person. When there are pets left after someone dies, they go to a rescue. I’ve read how sad they are, how lonely they are. I don’t know what the cost would be, but the value is obvious for both the person and the pet. Someone to care for, a reason to get up, etc. … even someone to love or, and I drew a big breath, what about fostering kittens or puppies until they can be adopted?” I was on a roll now. “These are not long-term commitments. There are some rescues that will provide the foster household with the equipment and food to support the fosters.”

There are so many kittens, puppies and older pets that need someone and there are a lot of someones who need the companionship that fostering or adoption can bring.

The question hung in the air.

“How would you go about fostering or adopting a senior pet?” someone asked.

“I’m sure there are a lot of rescues including the ASPCA and the Humane Association that could help,” I said. I heard, “Friends Forever, the Central New York Cat Coalition, Wanderer’s Rest, Helping Hounds Dawn of a New Day ….”

Our late-to-the-salon gal said, “Let’s look in the phone book under animal rescues and shelters.”

“Wait. Phone book? Who has one of those? Oh, I mean I’ll check my phone. Who knows how to find google on a cell phone?”

Sandy laughed. “Maybe all the lonely people and pets just need a salon.”

Ann Ferro is a mother, a grandmother and a retired social studies teacher. While still figuring out what she wants to be when she grows up, she lives in Marcellus with lots of books, a spouse and a large orange cat.

Olson responds

To the editor: I read Mr. Wheeler’s letter in last week’s newspaper and felt a responsibility to respond to his bold attempt to divide our community with a minimal basis in fact or reality. Ever since I was elected to the county legislature, my goal was to do what is right for every resident of the 10th District, and for residents of the county as a whole.

Here are a few facts that would give context to the everyday reader.

This project will bring jobs to a city that needs jobs badly and it will bring increased investments from Destiny USA and COR into the Inner Harbor, knowing that their successes are intrinsically tied to an aquarium that will draw tourism from across the state and region.

More than 20% of our county’s sales tax revenue comes from tourism and our shopping mall. This revenue funds County government, which is responsible for the many social programs and community initiatives the prior author undoubtedly supports. Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a day. Build an aquarium in his community and the tax revenue will make sure families are provided for and children are protected for generations to come.

This aquarium will bring added tourism to our county, which will Letters l Page 7

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