HOW TO SURVIVE Hallowe'en

Over the last couple of decades or so Hallowe’en has changed beyond recognition Costumes have become more and more outlandish, preparation has had to become a military operation and the trick or treat take-homes are often enough to stock a sweet shop Grown humans turn up at work dressed as Lucifer and have been known to wish each other a ‘Happy Hallowe’en’ as they pass each other in the street These, in my (only slightly grumpy) opinion, are strange times

Nevertheless, as the parent of small children, the excitement can take over the household on about October 2nd To make the day slightly more palatable to you, we ’ ve written a five point plan for surviving Hallowe’en as the parent of small people:

Don’t automatically leap onto Amazon

I know it’s tempting to jump onto your computer as soon there’s a need for a costume (here’s looking at you, Great Fire of London Day) but with a small amount of planning, there is an alternative

Charity shops with a children’s section are an excellent source of costumes as, because they’re rarely daily attire, they’re often as good as new For example, I’ve found some absolute winners at Fara on Ealing Green

3 Buy chocolate and sweets you like

Many people say the opposite ‘ as you won’t be tempted to eat them all if there are leftovers ’ I don’t subscribe to that crap If there are leftovers, celebrate your survival of what’s now called a ‘holiday’ by eating them

4 Set a short route and stick to it

It’s possible to be out on the street for three or four hours if you don’t have a succinct plan Go up and down 2 or 3 streets and your child will have a perfectly decent amount of sugar to brag about

Top tip for newbies: The general rule is, if the house isn’t dressed for Hallowe’en (i e there’s no pumpkin outside) don’t knock

5 Stick up a note on your door at 7/7.30 that says you ’ ve run out of sweets

OK, this may seem a bit miserable but, in my humble opinion, Hallowe’en is for little kids If you ’ re old enough to be walking the streets alone and knocking on people’s doors at 7 30pm, you ’ re too old to be trick or treating It’s scary for older people to have a teenager with a Scream mask hammering at their door in the dark; and, quite frankly, it gets in the way of my supper