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Viewpoint
El Campo Leader-News • Wednesday, May 14, 2014
www.leader-news.com
lettertoeditor@leader-news.com
Tricky terabytes terrify news editor terribly “Need any help?” Shannon blurted out nervously, shifting left-foot, right-foot while watching me disconnect our computer server’s myriad wires and plugs from the system. I should stop and explain that our news editor, Shannon Crabtree, has quite a reputation in the office for being concerned. But this time, the concern was reaching never-before-seen levels. Shannon is often just concerned in general, but on a weekly basis she is particularly concerned about anything that might go wrong at the newspaper. It’s a good quality, mind you. Having contingencies upon contingencies upon backup plans keeps us mostly prepared for the dilemmas that seem to arise at the newspaper office. That’s why the publisher loading up the server and driving an hour up the road to the Apple store made Shannon more nervous than a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs. The computer server is truly our newspaper’s heart and soul – in binary form. It’s our lifeblood. If we were French, we’d refer to it as our raison d’etre. Allow me to be very precise about this. An editor trying to make a newspaper without their server would be like Bobby Flay
serving up some buttersquiring of the server to nut squash without his Sugar Land passed withspatula. out incident. ay It would be like Jimi Arriving at the Apple trasner Hendrix being forced to store, I felt very much out belt out a guitar solo while of my element. Uniformly playing his instrument adorned in blue shirts and Ink By The Barrel right-side-up. with what appeared to be I’m telling you, it would faux-calculator nametags be like Matthew McCoslung smugly around their naughey attempting to star in one of his trade- necks, these “Genius Bar” employees are a mark rom-com roles without removing his snarky bunch. shirt. Let’s be honest – I’m possibly one of the Yeah. nerdiest fellows on the Gulf Coast, but these Dang-near impossible. Apple employees make me look more like That’s why as I hoisted the roughly Lil Wayne brandishing a gun at the Source 35-pound computer server toward the heavens Awards show in comparison. and headed towards the door, I could feel the Upon seating me at the help desk, an acanxiety making the air toxic behind me. ne-faced teen named J.R. reluctantly put his “Uh, drive safe,” Shannon frowned. J.R.R. Tolkien novel down and approached. “I will,” I said over my shoulder. J.R. rolled his eyes and seemed quite bored Sensing an opportunity to goad my editor as I explained the maladies of our dear server. a little bit, I turned around and dramatically Using his right index finder to push his wiped my brow. glasses back up his nose, the computer tech “Man, this would be a terrible time to be in- interrupted my sad list abruptly. volved in a fiery car crash, huh?” “Bet I know what’s wrong,” he muttered. Shannon’s face suddenly turned six shades Summoning over one of his Apple co-horts, of Casper. the two teenagers began feverishly poking “Don’t ... don’t say that,” she stammered. assorted plugs into our precious server while Luckily for Shannon – and all of us – the chattering about daisy-chains, expansion
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slots, fragmentations and root directories. I can’t be certain, but I thought I faintly heard Shannon listening to the Barbra Streisand hit song “Memories” way back in her El Campo living room as she likely sensed this unkind violation of her computer. J.R. deftly diagnosed that we needed to replace one of the server’s four hard drives. “It’s one terabyte,” J.R. said, almost spitting his words. Satisfied that the repair would be an easy one, I loaded the server onto a cart and headed toward the exit. “Wait, do you even know how to put a hard drive in??” J.R. chuckled and nudged his gaggle of nerdy co-workers. “Keep your shirt on, Matthew McConaughey,” I said under my breath as I trudged toward the door. “Of course I do.” Back at the office, we may have been a bit unsteady and bent the hard drive port just a tad while performing the replacement. But please, please, please don’t tell J.R. He and his co-workers already have plenty of joke material about the gangster nerd from El Campo. Jay T. Strasner is publisher of the LeaderNews.
Letters to the Editor Community helps with post office food delivery to EC Blessing Cup Editor, the Leader-News: The El Campo Post Office employees would like to thank the community for making our 22nd Annual Stamp Out Hunger food drive a success. A big thanks to St. Philip Catholic School students who participated and congratulations to Mrs. Cunningham’s first grade class for collecting the most food. They will be treated to a pizza lunch and snoballs. Thanks also to all the National Honor Society Students who helped sort and weigh the 1,806 pounds of food collected. A big thanks to Jerry and Janice Winter who helped me deliver the food to the Blessing Cup. Thanks to everyone. We deliver for you! Susie Orsak NALC food drive chairman
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Family bonds withstand what normally breaks Family – it’s an integral part of nature. It is the unerring cohesiveness that nurtures development and, without question, promotes survival. But for human beings, with our heightened sense of intellect and levels of emotion, it is something deeper and more profound. I have read that happiness is only genuine when it is shared, and while I’m probably a more singular/independent type of fellow than most, I believe there is truth to that, or perhaps happiness is magnified, expanded, when it is collective. Nonetheless, I don’t believe all our family in this life is sprung from the loins of relatives. Sometimes they are made in the heart – we discover individuals with whom we have enormous bonds external of blood. But it is still kin that we most often turn to in challenging times – the ones who stand by you without flinching. It’s mothers who somehow remember how it feels to be young and stupid, and they forgive. It’s fathers who impart small wisdoms in life that seem to mean little at the time, but the power of the images grow stronger with the years, and later, much later, you remember where they came from and when they were imparted, and they become small jewels, intravenous insights. Brothers and sisters may start out as competitors, or just appear purely irritating. But time has a way of rounding the edges of old disputes, and it is such a rewarding feeling to discover a friend in later years who had simply been a relative before. It’s often the same with children and parents – youth is so impetuous. It takes us a while to gain the perspective of our parents, and suddenly one day you’re taken aback when you find yourself imitating them as you talk with your own
Michael Reisig offspring. But there’s a space in between being a child and a parent that is best described by the novelist Chuck Palahniuk: “Parents are like God, because you want to know they’re out there, and you want them to think well of you, but you really only call when you need something.” Regardless of how tempting it is at times, few people give up on family, because it is not just an institution, but an eternal euphemism for succor, protection, and peace, and a strange sense of belonging that’s just so difficult to find these days. Family wraps its arms around you in times of despair. They listen on the phone when there are other things they need to be doing, they send money, and sometimes they send hope. It’s all a part of this remarkable consortium we call family. I’ll leave you with a little lightness by the comic George Burns, who said; “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” Michael Reisig is a best-selling novelist and an award-winning newspaper columnist. His novels are available at bookstores everywhere, and in paperback and ebook format through Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com and Apple.com. Visit his website at michael-reisig.com for information on his latest adventure/ humor novel, The Road to Key West, and his apocalyptic thriller, The New Madrid Run.
Jay Strasner..........................Editor & Publisher Shannon Crabtree ........................News Editor Nancy Unrein...........................Office Manager Casey Smith ....................Production Manager Quala Matocha ........................Lifestyle Editor Kaitlynn Bianconi.....................Sports Reporter Jody Larimer..............................News Reporter Keri Mahalitc... ..............................Advertising Stacy Morris ...................Classified Advertising
THE EL CAMPO LEADER-NEWS (USPS 169520) is published semi-weekly on Wednesday and Saturday for $45 per year in Wharton County; $60 per year out of county; $84 per year out of state; and $45 per year for the online edition by Wharton County Newspapers, Inc., 203 E. Jackson St., El Campo, Texas 77437. Periodical postage paid at El Campo, Texas. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the EL CAMPO LEADER-NEWS, P.O. Box 1180, El Campo, Texas 77437. © 2014 Wharton County Newspapers, Inc.
Opinions or views expressed by individual columnists or in Letters to the Editor are those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper. Also, while
the Leader-News strives for accuracy, errors may occur, and will be promptly corrected once they are brought to the attention of the editor.
979-543-3363 • Fax: 979-543-0097 website: www.leader-news.com E-mail: lettertoeditor@leader-news.com
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VIEWPOINT
El Campo Leader-News • Wednesday, December 24, 2014
www.leader-news.com
lettertoeditor@leader-news.com
Rustling noise leads to Raven-esque message from pants Apologies to Edgar Allan Poe, but its origin – my sweatpants. I need to share a unique and frightening event that happened at my It revealed a development much to house last week. my surprise ... This sound, my friends, was comOnce upon a midnight dreary, ing from my thighs! while I lumbered weak and weary ... That’s when my sweatpants rethere came a rustling. vealed to me that I will possess a Sort of a bustling. thigh gap – “nevermore.” As I was hustling towards my chamber door. Yes, I said thigh gap. Ah, I distinctly For many remember, it was women, this isAY in the bleak Desue is an all too cember – that’s important one. TRASNER when I first Oddly, some laheard this odd, dies measure INK BY THE odd sound. their level of fitBARREL It was some ness by whether type of friction. or not their legs You must are touching know this ain’t fiction. when they’re standing still. “Probably just some critter,” I mutUntil last week, I found the whole tered, walking towards my chamber topic sort of ridiculous, but then door. again I’ve generally been blessed “Only this, and nothing more.” with a high metabolism and was not worried much about cellulite on my But hearing the noise once again legs or anywhere else. I’ve been very as I took a step, I finally determined lucky.
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In fact, I’ve always been kind of bird-legged my entire life. Not really raven-legged, but rather more chicken-legged if you will. I’m old enough that back in my junior high basketball days, we still wore the tiny shorts that embarrassingly covered only about 25 percent of our adolescent legs. This was before Michael Jordan came along and revolutionized the sports world with the popular style of baggy shorts that still exist in basketball today. Looking back on those photographs, one can see the thin wisps that I stood upon were almost wider at the knee than any other spot. It’s a wonder I was able to run and jump, much less sink a 3-pointer.
into high school. They were there when I stepped on the gas as I drove away to college. They carried me and my textbooks up and down the Ozark hills at the University of Arkansas for five years. As I added body mass when I got involved with fitness and weight lifting as a young adult, my legs grew stronger – but they remained the thinnest part of my body. No matter how hard I tried, my goal of having the quads of an NFL running back sadly would not be achieved.
Deep into that darkness peering, long I stood there wondering, fearing. Doubting, dreaming dreams no chicken-legged mortal ever dared to dream before; “Why have I been cursed with legs “Will these legs remain sad little so lean?!” twigs forevermore??” That was my wistful, lingering scream. After a while I just gave up hope. If only teen-age me would have I figured this is the way Jesus made had access to some of that Barry me, so no use fighting it. Bonds steroid cream. Think about it: Popeye probably wished his bony biceps were as Those skinny legs stayed with me meaty as his famous forearms, but
he moved on and accepted the fact that they weren’t. He owned that look and accepted his deformity. Therefore I decided I would too. So here I’ve stood, skinny legs conspicuously jutting out of my shorts in the South Texas heat year after year for all to see. That is, until that dreary December day a week ago. The day my sweatpants “spoke” to me. This newfound leg size was sorta pleasing. No more poking fun, no more teasing. However, one thought prevailed as I looked back at that basketball photo from years before: “Will I ever again see my thigh gap again as I look down towards the floor?” Quoth the sweatpants: “Nevermore.” Jay T. Strasner is publisher of the Leader-News.
Passive aggressive acts often defined differently We often hear people use the term “passive aggressive.” But I don’t think everyone understands the concept. ICHAEL My favorite Internet definition of passive aggressive is: “Number 1: EISIG Being marked by, or displaying behavior characterized by the expression of negative feelings, resentment and aggression in an unassertive passive way (as through procrastination, pouting and stubbornness). Or number 2: Pretending one does not give a rat’s posterior when, in fact, one gives numerous rat’s posteriors. As you can see, there can be some confusion in discerning a true case of passive aggressiveness. So, I have rummaged through the Internet to come up with several examples of this particular activity. Here are a few of my favorites: • I’m not saying I hate you, but I do often catch myself fantasizing about you, barefoot in a desert of legobricks, covered with honey and attacked by army ants, while being forced to listen to a Justin Bieber album over and over and over…. • Your passive aggressive behavior is the same as lying. Actually, it’s worse, because at least a liar isn’t being a two-faced weasel about it. • I’m not saying go out and kill all the stupid people. I’m just saying let’s remove all the labels and let the problem sort itself out. • I’m sorry I missed your passive-aggressive post on Facebook. I was too busy winning at life. •Just for luck … I wish I’d saved a few pairs of your underwear, to seal in a jar and keep on a shelf high in the pantry. Is that the kind of thing that makes you miss me, or makes you glad it’s over? • “I would like to say congratulations to Myra Lander and Rufus Cromley. They are expecting a baby. Hope you are both really in love and I hope it works out.” Rufus’ wife, Tanya Cromley…. • “That was a very well laid out, rational point. But I’ll stick with my emotional opinion based on no facts or evidence.” Al Sharpton. • I’m not anti-social. I just have a strong aversion to bullpucky, drama and pretending. • I miss you like Tiger Woods misses shanky Las Vegas cocktail waitresses. • Don’t facebook your problems. Face them. • To all those passive-aggressive folks out there, I would just like to say, never give up on your stupid, stupid dreams. Ultimately, passive resistance is just another form of argument. So I’ll close with one of my favorite quotes by Thomas Paine: “To argue with a person who has renounced the use of reason is like administering medicine to the dead.”
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Have An Opinion? WRITE A LETTER TO THE EDITOR lettertoeditor@leader-news.com Letters to the editor run as space is available in both the Wednesday and Saturday edition. To be considered for publication, letters must be received before 1 p.m. Monday for the Wednesday edition or 1 p.m. Thursday for the Saturday edition. Publication in a specific paper is not guaranteed. Please limit your letters to no more than 350 words. Letters must be signed by at least one person and a
telephone number is required. An individual can submit a letter for publication once every eight editions (generally once a month) unless it is in direct response to another letter at the discretion of the newspaper. The Leader-News allows representatives of clubs or other fundraising organizations to thank up to five individuals or corporations by name in a letter to the editor. Please note that the Leader-News will not publish letters advocating a specific choice on an election issue immediately before or during a balloting period.
Michael Reisig is a best-selling novelist and an award-winning newspaper columnist. His novels are available at bookstores everywhere, and in paperback and ebook format through Amazon.com, Barnes & Noble.com and Apple.com. Visit his website at michael-reisig.com for information on his latest adventure/humor novel, The Road to Key West, and his apocalyptic thriller, The New Madrid Run.
Jay Strasner ........................................... Publisher/New Editor THE EL CAMPO LEADER-NEWS (USPS 169520) is published semi-weekly on Wednesday and Saturday for $45 per year in Wharton County; $60 per year out of county; and $84 per year out of state; and $45 per year for the online edition by Wharton County Newspapers, Inc., 203 E. Jackson St., El Campo, Texas 77437. Periodical postage paid at El Campo, Texas. POSTMASTER: Send address changes to the EL CAMPO LEADER-NEWS, P.O. Box 1180, El Campo, Texas 77437. © 2014 Wharton County Newspapers, Inc.
979-543-3363 Fax: 979-543-0097 Website: www.leader-news.com Email address: lettertoeditor@leader-news.com Opinions or views expressed by individual columnists or in Letters to the Editor are those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of this newspaper. Also, while the Leader-News strives for accuracy, errors may occur, and will be promptly corrected once they are brought to the attention of the editor.