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I believe that personal relationships within the congregation are possible. Many of our best friends through the years have been members of the churches where I have served as minister of music. However, some issues are confidential, and these issues must not be discussed among church members. As a minister, you will often know more than you desire to know about some church members, yet you are called to minister with grace and impartiality. Many ministers miss the joy of knowing people within their congregation on a personal level. Relationships always involve risk, and they must be built on mutual trust.

Furthermore, some ministers do not develop relationships with parishoners because of their fear that jealousies will develop among church members, i.e., he/she cares more for some members than others. This concern is genuine and must be dealt with carefully. It is usually more pronounced in a small town or community where people tend to be more knowledgeable of social interactions. In reality, ministers are never completely partial and they do enjoy the company of some people more than others. Problems arise when these relationships begin to interrupt their ability to offer genuine ministry to everyone and their friendships within the church hinder their ability to make decisions that are beneficial to the entire congregation.

Relationship to Community

Every minister of music should see the community in which the church is located as a part of his/her wider ministry. Who are you to the community? How do they view your role? What services should you provide this community, and what should you contribute as a ministering musician? Investing in the community is enriching. I encourage you to seek ways of becoming involved with events such as community sings, community choruses, arts events, and service groups.

Establishing a Support System

Every minister of music needs a system of support to sustain him/her in difficult times. In some instances this support comes from people within the church, and at other times it comes from people who are outside of the church. Both of these networks are important in times of need. Pete Butler once said, "Relationships are like fine glue: (1) They are ineffective if the application is overdone at the beginning. (2) A little time is needed for the bond to seal before it is tested. (3) A true bond is virtually impossible to break."1 I have found his words to be true.

Ministers of music should establish relationships with other professionals. Mutual support can be gained from regularly spending time with other ministers of music. If these groups don't already exist, create them. Consider developing them across denominational lines as well. From these gatherings relationships will emerge that provide personal support and friendship.

With e-mail, staying in touch with colleagues from previous ministry positions is easier and less expensive. I communicate regularly with friends from the past who offer me support. Sometimes, in our search for new relationships, we fail to maintain healthy relationships from the past. I regularly consult my college roommates

(both are ministers) for counsel and encouragement. When you have a friend who knows you well and can be honest with you, maintain this friendship! These relationships are rare and should be treasured.

Mentors and Mentoring

Ministers of music should continually be mentored and should mentor others. Mentors may be former teachers, retired professionals, a respected colleague, or a private teacher. Mentors vary; however, we all need to develop relationships that assist us in growing in each aspect of music ministry.

While we are receiving professional support from others, it is important to seek opportunities to offer this to others. Many bivocational music leaders are desperate for assistance, college students need someone to shepherd them in the process of music ministry, and young people interested in careers in music ministry need support and encouragement.