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Usually, we enjoy our work in direct proportion to the degree that we enjoy the people with whom we work. Simply put, if we enjoy our colleagues, then we usually enjoy our job. When you and your colleagues share similar goals and values, have a healthy mutual respect, enjoy being together, and show genuine concern for each other, then you can face external opposition and still have a deep sense of purpose in your work and ministry. Nowhere is this more obvious and important than in the relationship of pastor and music minister. Often I've observed that strife between the pastor and minister of music is a source of deep grief for both; however, sometimes neither seems to be able to mend the relationship. Conflict between the pastor and minister of music is often the cause for transitions for ministers of music and occasionally for pastors. When I am around a group of ministers of music, the discussion will invariably turn to relationships with pastors. Similarly, when I'm around pastors, the discussion is often about ministers of music. Several years ago, I was asked to speak to a group of pastors. Having been through a difficult period with a pastor, I decided to speak on the topic "Love Thy Minister of Music as Thyself." The talk generated a lively discussion about the problems that often arise in this relationship. I remember being surprised to learn that pastors are also hurting in their relationships with ministers of music. While ministers of music are sometimes grieving because of relational issues with the pastor, the pastor is often experiencing similar pain. Since that time, I have tried harder to work effectively with the pastors with whom I've served.

Although ministers of music would sometimes like an opportunity to tell our pastors how they could make our lives easier, we are rarely in a position to do this without significant risks; therefore, as in any relationship, we must work to initiate change where we have control — within ourselves. The following may serve as reminders of how music ministers can work more effectively with pastors.

Respect the Position – The pastor is the person in charge. Put simply, he/she is boss! Hopefully, the pastor will see himself/herself as a leader of a team instead of a boss; however, the pastor has the power to pull rank if he/she chooses. Often ministers of music (who are accustomed to being in charge) forget that they are not in charge of the church. Hopefully, the pastor will continually work to earn your respect; however, the position of the pastor must be respected even if respect has not been earned.

Suppress Your Ego – Most ministers of music and most pastors have strong egos. Would we be able to do our jobs without strong egos? As musicians, we are accustomed to being in charge, and we often work hard for recognition. Since pastors tend to have many of the same qualities, a collision sometimes occurs. The minister of music should be constantly aware of his/her ego and work to keep it under control.

Spend Time Together – Look for ways to spend time with the pastor. Particularly when the pastor initiates interaction, do your best to clear your schedule. It is only through spending time with others that we get to know them and understand their backgrounds and their motivations. Pastors and ministers of music do not have to be best friends; but they should try to enjoy each other's company and make time to be together.

Discuss Worship – Worship should be a primary topic of discussion between the pastor and the minister of music. If the pastor does not initiate this discussion, then you should bring it up. It is important to talk about worship in theological, philosophical, and practical terms both within and separate from the context of planning next Sunday's worship. Worship discussions are best accomplished at a time other than when planning worship. Ideally, both the pastor and the minister of music should plan worship. If the pastor wants the minister of music to plan seamless worship with smooth flow, then ministers of music must have adequate lead-time with sermon material. Furthermore, the pastor must give the minister of music more than a topic and scripture. A brief narrative is most helpful. Some pastors want ministers of music to plan thoroughly; however, they are not always aware of the lead-time that it takes to prepare others and to enlist leadership. In order to adequately prepare an average choir to sing a new anthem, the music minister will need approximately six weeks of rehearsal. Additional time is needed to order and receive new music.

Respond to the Pastor's Leadership Style – Every pastor has a different leadership style and you should carefully study that style. Realize that your leadership style may be different, and you may have to work hard to accommodate the pastor's leadership style.

Learn Your Boundaries – Different pastors have different areas over which they will exercise territorial rights. Learn where these areas are, and respect them. For instance, some pastors want to do all hospital visitation, while others may be upset with you if you didn't visit a hospitalized choir member. Learn how much to suggest. Learn how assertive you can be and how autonomous you can be in decision-making.

Affirm the Pastor's Family – All of us like to have our family affirmed and, often, a pastor's family is under undue pressure. Spend time with the pastor's spouse and children, and get to know them.

Communicate, Communicate, Communicate – There is no substitute for effective communication. Always give the pastor more information than he/she wants to know. You will soon learn what he/she doesn't want to know and what he/she always wants to know. Avoid surprises! You never want the pastor to hear about something critical from someone other than you!

See the Pastor as a Real Person – The pastor is a real person who has needs similar to yours. Constantly remind yourself of this, recognize his/her vulnerabilities, and be supportive of them. Recognize that the pastor carries great responsibility, and that sometimes results in being lonely.

Maintain Confidences – If/when the pastor confides in you, always keep confidences. Never assume sharing information with someone else is acceptable. Nothing can hinder a budding relationship quicker than lack of confidentiality.

Use a Wide Variety of Music – Many pastors complain that ministers of music do not utilize a wide enough variety of music in worship. Pastors generally want music that has both "head" and "heart." Additionally, pastors expect music ministers to be innovative and creative, and they may view you as the expert in the arts. They will also expect you to be able to plan worship that has continuity, flow, and pace.

State Your Expectations – Learn to clearly and respectfully state your expectations of the pastor. This will happen over time as you earn his/her respect.

Be Interested in the Total Church Program – Many ministers of music fail to be interested in the total ministry of the church. They are obsessed with the music ministry and show little concern or support for other ministries. Nothing works more quickly to tear down team building. While you are expected to have intense passion for music ministry, you must never forget that other ministries are also important.

Learn to Accept Suggestions – Be open to accepting suggestions from the pastor regarding music selection as well as other areas. This may not be easy, but it is critical. When suggestions are offered, instead of micro analyzing them, accept them on the basis of what was communicated.

Remember: Ministry Is More Important than Music! – Never forget the importance of ministry. Failure to be an effective minister will ultimately cost you the respect of the pastor and of your other colleagues and will perhaps cost you your position as well. Music is the tool through which ministry is accomplished.

Working with Other Ministers

Working with other ministers can be the most rewarding and challenging aspect of ministry. When a group of ministers have healthy self-esteem and have learned to contribute effectively for the good of the whole, the results can be astonishing both for the congregation, the broader community, and the ministers themselves. In addition, each individual will enjoy his/ her ministry position and is likely to have a long tenure.

In my first job out of college, I was a band director in a small high school. I will always remember the principal's telling the faculty, "I want everyone of you to feel that the subject that you teach is the most important subject in the world - as if there were no other subjects taught in this school. If you don't feel this way, you shouldn't be teaching in this school; however, you must also have the ability to step back and realize that this isn't true." This principal was expecting both passion and cooperation — two qualities that are vital for successful ministry. While it is normal and positive for each minister to be truly passionate about the particular ministry that is within his/her responsibility, he/she has to learn to respect and cooperate with the ministries of others. Ministers must develop the ability to see the big picture.

No meaningful relationship is built without a great amount of effort, and staff relationships are no different. The following guidelines are helpful in developing relationships that allow us to work effectively with other ministers:

Establish Good Communication – In order for relationships to be established and sustained, effective communication must happen. In working with other ministers, I have found that communication takes on two meanings: (1) communication regarding scheduling, events, and deadlines; and (2) communication regarding interpersonal styles and understandings.

Understand Meanings – Develop the ability to understand the communication styles of other staff members, i.e., how they communicate and what their various forms of communication mean. Whereas one minister may make a passionate and emotional plea for something that he sees as important, another minister may communicate in measured, unemotional tones. While presented very differently, these two approaches may not indicate a difference in importance or in the amount of passion that each feels regarding the proposal. They simply indicate different styles of communication. Our communication styles are as different as our personalities; however, some communication patterns are unacceptable and should not be tolerated. Examples may include uncontrolled outbursts, passive aggressive behaviors, or blind siding.

Who is Sending the Message? – Learn to recognize who is sending the message. A message sent by the pastor may carry different meanings than a message by another minister. A message about someone's area of expertise carries a different message than one outside his/her area.

Make Time for Communication – All ministers on a church staff should have regular meetings together where the work of the various ministries is thoroughly discussed. These times are important even when there isn't much on the agenda. When you start to cancel such meetings and have them only on an "as needed" basis, communication will break down and problems will begin to emerge fairly quickly.

In addition, ministers should have yearly or bi-yearly retreats to discuss longer term planning and goals. These retreats provide time away to focus on larger issues than can be discussed in regular meetings. Retreats are also valuable when new projects are emerging and when new directions are projected.

Utilize the Calendar – Calendars are an important means of effective communication. Learn to look at the calendar both short term and long term. Each week, look at the calendar one month out, two months out, and so on. Maintain both a short-term and a longterm perspective. When calendaring an event, always observe the appropriate calendaring protocol. Even though you have an event calendared in advance, another event may pre-empt your event. Calendars must be seen as guides, not as law!

Take Advantage of Pre-Meetings – Before any major event is brought to a meeting, it should have been discussed in a number of pre-meetings, especially when other ministries are affected or involved. Learn to hold brief one-on-one or small group visits with other ministers before bringing an issue to the whole group. Through this practice you will gain the support of your colleagues, and you will be able to refine your proposal before bringing it to the larger group.

Overcome Location Barriers – All of us tend to communicate best with those whose offices are close to us. When visiting with someone is inconvenient, we tend not to visit. Make an extra effort to communicate effectively with those whose office space is not convenient for you.

Communicate Formally and Informally – Learn to utilize informal channels of communication as well as formal ones. Take advantage of hall talk and talk during breaks and lunches to discuss items that are important to you.

Develop Relationships

Pastor Each Other – Become a pastor to others with whom you work. Realize that they need a pastor, and you can help to meet their spiritual needs through your pastoral role. Because of the intense pressures that ministers often encounter, they may be hurting and need pastoral care.

Relax Together – Find ways that you can spend time with other ministers in relaxed settings. For some staffs this might be golf. Bowling, hiking, or just hanging out together might be effective for others. Whatever the activity, find time to do it!

Maintain Confidences – In order to be a valued colleague, you must learn to maintain confidences. Many ministerial relationships are damaged because a minister confided in another minister who did not keep his/her confidence. Realize that we all have periods of negativity. Don't judge someone when they have a bad day and need to unload on you.

Support in Public and Private – Many articles about staff relationships encourage you always to support your colleagues in public. While this public support is critical for ministers, we should also seek to support each other in private. While we will always have differences of opinions, we should still continue to support the overall ministry of our colleagues in public and private. When disagreements arise, they should remain within the ministerial staff.

Be Honest but Respectful – Being honest with someone never gives you the right to be disrespectful. Furthermore, being honest with someone means being as honest about his/her assets as you are about his/her liabilities. When we are honest and open in our support, we will be able to be honest and open with our criticism as well.

Learn to Give Credit – Whenever possible, give credit to others, especially the other ministers with whom you work. We've all experienced times when we worked diligently on a project and someone else took credit for our work. Nothing violates trust more quickly than taking undue credit.

Play by the Rules – Abide by the rules that have been established even if you wish they were different. When you expect others to play by the rules, you must do so yourself. Rules must not be discarded in order for you to meet your goals more efficiently.

Pray Together – Regularly pray with your colleagues and spend extra time in prayer during times of intense stress.

Have Energy and Enthusiasm for Your Position – Enthusiasm for your job will be contagious and appreciated. It can determine how willing others are to be cooperative and supportive of your ideas.