Dealing with the elephant in the room

Skirting around a difficult issue?

This sector is not one that addresses things directly – think about how many times you hear the phrase “a child is a spirited individual” during a conversation with parents. What they really mean is that the child does not do as he is told and is disruptive. Why don’t we actually say what we mean? We don’t want to be confrontational or upset anyone, but the reality is if the problem is not addressed, it is going to fester and become a bigger issue.

There’s nothing wrong with wanting the very best for our people and children - there are no prizes for second best. Having pride in your work and wanting to be better should always be seen as a positive thing. Saying what you feel should be encouraged but you must prepare yourself for some backlash.

● Are you prepared to put yourself out there and stand out from the crowd knowing you may be there on your own?

● Are you ready for others to try to shout you down for your viewpoint?

So how should we address the elephant?

Make Sure It Really Is An Elephant

Bringing up an unsettling topic may in itself cause a bigger elephant. Check with a colleague to see if you both agree that it really is an elephant.

Make A Plan And Stick To It

These types of conversations can produce a flood of emotions, but having a plan in advance will help you wade through. Think about what you are going to say and when you are going to say it - good timing will ensure the audience is receptive to your comments.

BE DIRECT, HONEST AND THOROUGH

Being direct, honest, and thorough shows respect for your audience and builds their trust in you as a leader. A difficult issue becomes an elephant in the room when it is ignored, despite everyone being aware of it. By naming what everyone is avoiding, you will change the elephant into an obstacle that can be tackled. Be open and present the details to the best of your knowledge.

Directly spell out the truth about what the elephant really is. It is essential to be straightforward about the information, even if it is unpleasant. Tiptoeing around even small aspects of the issue will only increase the tension surrounding the elephant. Being direct enables you to manage others’ perceptions and prevent the elephant from becoming distorted by rumours.

Why don’t we actually say what we mean?

Open Up The Discussion

Once you have had the opportunity to clear the air, it is time to open the floor to others. Your audience may have concerns. Try to determine the most appropriate timing for giving others a chance to respond. Before doing so, be sure that you convey everything that you had planned.

Presenting a thorough description of the elephant will ensure that the session continues to move forward rather than becoming a rehashing of false information. Asking the group to share their input and concerns displays consideration for their perspective, as well as creating unity in solving the problem. Continuing to speak about the issue will prevent it from reverting to ‘elephant’ status.

Closure

Memories of an event are shaped by the moment where the emotion peaks and by how things come to a close. Before the meeting concludes, be sure that you have discussed all parts of the elephant and that everyone understands the issue at hand. Decide together how the issue will be tackled going forward.

Even if the discussion of the elephant in the room was a rocky one, ensuring closure is a great way to give everyone confidence that the elephant is being addressed. 