FATHER P CLIP

Bringing hope, peace and unity to the good brethren of the business supplies community

art of our company P sells printers and copiers or, as they are known now, ‘multi-function devices’. They’re mad, convoluted machines which are far removed from the original photocopiers I remember; they scan, fax, text, change the TV channel and make a cappuccino.

They are great devices to have in any office but we have an old engineer called Ken who has been fixing machines for 50 years - 50 years of new ideas which have left Ken behind; every time there is a new innovation in the field, Ken and his hairstyle get left behind even more.

Ken still maintains that copiers lost their reliability when they took away the handle at the side which you had to turn round for a copy and, when it comes to networking the devices into a customer’s office, he just downs tools and calls one of the younger guys.

Last week we had a call from a customer saying that Ken had got down to fix a paper tray and had been lying there ever since - four hours of the customer getting no work done in the office because the staff were running around getting tea for Ken and rubbing Vicks into his lower back.

We realise we have a problem, but the customers love him and he’s famous in the area because he is also a part time Elvis impersonator. He’s been playing in the local bars for years and he regularly shouts out company promotions during songs; “Lever arch files, buy two get one free’ in the middle of Love me Tender or ‘All our rulers are shatterproof ” during Jailhouse Rock. I don’t think we’ve ever got any business because of it, but it’s Ken’s sort of social media, and he’ll continue to do it whether we try to educate him or not.

It’s amazing how personalities can secure customer business. Most customers will stay loyal to us as long as we are loyal to them and they at least know someone in the office. During these difficult times it’s important to keep in touch with them somehow anyway.

JOKE OF THE MONTH

Once upon a time there was a restaurant with a sign in the window which said:

“Sandwiches, all types. If we can’t make your sandwich we will give you £100.00”

An office products salesperson happened to be visiting the town and went into the restaurant to check out this claim.

“I bet you can’t make me an elephant’s ear sandwich, “ he says

“Let me check,” says the waiter, and he soon comes back with the manager of the restaurant “Are you the guy who asked for the elephant’s ear sandwich?” says the manager

“Yes I am. Can you make one?” says the office products salesperson

“No,” the manager says, “we can’t make you an elephant’s ear sandwich today - but we stand by our sign, here is your £100.00.”

“Thanks,” says the office products salesperson. “I knew you wouldn’t have any elephant’s ears.”

“No sir,” says the manager, “we’ve got the ears ok, we’ve just run out of them big buns we serve them in.”