Sierra ' s Story

Story Sierra ' s

I grew up in Olympia, Washington. I was raised by a single mom of three children. I had very few boundaries and got away with a lot as a child. My Dad was in and out of prison and was an addict.

When I was 11 years old I was diagnosed with ADD and prescribed medication. Not long after taking it I was told that I could get high if I took a lot of it which I tried and then started abusing the drug, not realizing what it would lead to. Then I discovered the rush of marijuana and dropped out of my sports and started partying and making my social life my main focus.

Eventually my mom found out about my drug use and sent me to a 40 day rehab program in Washington. This program did not help me. I was surrounded by people way worse off than me and one girl there cut me and scratched my skin all while singing the ABC’s song to me.

I was well liked in High School and played basketball and volleyball. I even was voted most liked student. Then i discovered the rush of marijuana and dripped out of my sports, started partying and making my social life my main focus.When I was 14 I was introduced to Meth for the first time by a guy much older than me that was dating a friend of mine. The adrenaline rush and excitement felt amazing. I felt free and I became addicted to that feeling. The come downs were terrible, I felt sick, everything hurt and was lethargic for 2 days every time I took it but I couldn’t stop myself. I did this from the ages of 14-17 and then I found ecstasy. " T H E N I D I S C O V E R E D T H E R U S H O F M A R I J U A N A A N D D R O P P E D O U T O F M Y S P O R T S A N D S T A R T E D P A R T Y I N G A N D M A K I N G M Y S O C I A L L I F E M Y M A I N F O C U S .

I continued to take ecstasy while I was there which I got from another patient. It took all the sadness away and made me feel pure happiness.

From there I went to be a gogo dancer and started selling pills myself. It was awesome, I felt young and free and living in the moment, making a lot of money.

Until one day I overdosed on ecstasy on the way back from a rave. I took 8 pills and passed out at the wheel. I couldn’t see, my heart was pounding and I when I woke up someone was slapping me in the face and I was soaking wet. None of this scared me, it was almost a euphoric feeling that I had survived. I wasn 't ready to stop, not yet.

" I W A S N ' T R E A D Y T O S T O P . N O T Y E T .

I then moved to Arizona with my boyfriend because I wanted to experience living somewhere new. During that time I was drinking an 18 pack of beer a day or a bottle of vodka. I was in and out of bars and totally drunk. I was working for HBO doing payroll which I really enjoyed, but had to stop doing because I was too hungover to work.

After that I broke up with my boyfriend, got my own place and started doing web cam stripping. I made a lot of money doing this and started doing cocaine. At that time I had two root canals back to back and was given a prescription of Vicodin which lasted 2 weeks. When the prescription ran out I became really sick. When I looked up my symptoms online I realized it was because of the Vicodin withdrawal. Vicodin is in the same family as Heroin and it made me feel horribly restless with a runny rose and shaking. That was when I became desperate to feel better and started taking Percocet which made me feel instantly better. It wasn 't long after that I had my first dance with the devil...heroin. I felt like I was totally losing control at this point in my life. I was being abused at work, was in an abusive relationship, hadn’t seen my family and Heroin became the love of my life. It numbed everything. I got involved in a gang called the Arian Brotherhood that beat up, and robbed people. At one point, they locked me up for 3 days, took my cellphone and gave me a date rape drug.

This life lasted almost 20 years. I ended up homeless, living in the woods in Washington. I built a shelter and a shower. I was tired of doing favors for a shower or a bed for the night. I didn’t want to go to the local homeless shelter as the staff there were sexually abusive. I was stealing my food from Walmart to survive. I was still doing drugs and was terrified. It was a nightmare. The only thing that got me through that period in my life was that I had a cat, Humble. He kept me grounded. During that time I became pregnant. That was the thing that changed everything.

D U R I N G T H A T T I M E I B E C A M E P R E G N A N T .

T H A T W A S T H E T H I N G T H A T C H A N G E D . E V E R Y T H I N G .

I was determined to have that baby. I wanted to change my life and it gave me a purpose. My dad came and got me and took me to my mom’s house in Helena. My mom helped me through my pregnancy and I started Suboxone which is a medication that helped me stay off drugs. I had my son Jackson in 2018.

Not long after that I was with my son in Walmart and was caught stealing. The police surrounded me and took my baby away. " H E

I was taken to jail but got out the next day. That was the day I started using meth again. A few days later I was driving with Jackson when I was high. I passed out at a gas station and the police came and again took Jackson away to stay with my brother. I knew I had lost him and couldn’t see him which drove me insane. I was heartbroken.

I WAS

A R T B R O K E N .

That was when pre trial services recommended i come to Florence Crittenton. I moved into their recovery home in January and was reunited with my son in March. Although I was so excited to see him and be with him I was also terrified. I didn’t know what to do because I had only parented high in the past. I didn’t know if I could do it but I wanted so badly to try.

I participated in the program for a year, left and then relapsed. Mentally my meds weren’t right and I had worked the program just to get out.I had lied to myself. When I relapsed I called Florence Crittenton’s Addictions Counselor. My Child Protective Services Worker gave me two hours to get back to Florence Crittenton.I was so glad I had somewhere to go.I contemplated giving up, I felt like I had been faking it till I made it and that addiction had such a hold on my life. But I really care about my little boy. He is the only one who I really care about in the world.

It was hard to come back to the Recovery Program but all the important people welcomed me with open arms. This time I was ready, I was more committed and motivated. You have to be committed to putting in the work if you are going to succeed.

There was a team of people there who were not giving up on me. I started taking some different meds which really helped stabilize my mental health. Most importantly I got to be in treatment with my child. He participated in the infant childcare and now the preschool and he is a healthy happy little boy. I participated in all the different parenting classes and learned a lot, I saw a therapist, an addictions counselor and my case manger really helped me. These guys knew exactly how to help me and never stopped. They still haven’t really. "

After 8 months in the program I was doing well and felt ready to discharge. Around that time Florence Crittenton opened some new transitional living apartments and I was able to move into one of them. I feel so blessed to have this opportunity. The apartment is beautiful and Jackson loves his new home. We get to have our own home but with all the support from my case manager, therapist, addictions counselor and early childhood programs close by. It has really taken the stressors away for me and made the transition way easier. I am ready this time and I feel safe and confident that I can do this.

I feel like there was a reason why I came back, like someone was watching over me and not giving up on me either. I am working at a local restaurant and Jackson is doing great.

My dream is to eventually go back into working in payroll as I really enjoyed that, or doing hairdressing. My number one priority is that Jackson grows up feeling safe and loved and cared for.

Someday I would also like to work for Florence Crittenton in some capacity to help other mothers heal and have the opportunities that I have been given.

I have no doubt without this program I would be in jail, or living on the streets and I would not have custody of Jackson.

To anyone considering it I would say ‘Just do it” , it’s hard work but it is so worth it. Hard in all the right ways but also pretty fun too. It truly changed our lives and I will always be grateful.