The Eye’s guide to transit etiquette

By Anastasia Blosser

For first-time commuters or experienced travellers, returning to public transit at the start of every semester is a necessary transition. If you’ve taken the train, subway, bus or streetcar, it may seem hard to adapt to social customs that have changed in the last few years. Before you return to commuting, identify the environment you’re stepping onto. The sticky floors and carpeted seats foster a delicate habitat for these seven archetypal passengers. Here is a guide on how to become one of them:

The small talker

At its core, public transit is a way for the community to come together. It pulls people away from their phones and into awkward conversations. Avoid starting conversations with questions that can be answered in one or two words, such as “do you know what stop comes next?” or anything about the weather. Instead, try asking more personal questions, like the street they grew up on or their mother’s maiden name. If all else fails, try improvising a monologue to see if anyone else will join in.

Group-thinkers

This role is typically reserved for friend groups travelling in packs of four or more. Rather than sitting in a row, it is customary for half of the passengers to stand in front of the seated ones to form an inclusive conversation circle. Standing members should remember to keep their bags large and on their shoulder while in the aisle space to increase the social territory of the group.

The phone talker

Spending hours on transit can be a disheartening experience. To boost morale at the end of a long day, talk loudly on the phone about wildly inappropriate topics. Your performance will give other passengers a reason to make subtle eye contact with each other and giggle over your personal life. Common topics can include family drama, medical history or a passive aggressive argument with your roommate. Don’t worry if you’re underground—if the conversation is enthralling enough, no one will stop to wonder how you got cell service on the subway.

Main character

Hold on, we can’t all be the cool, mysterious figure in the subway car.

The DJ

Sometimes what a traffic-trapped streetcar needs is the right original soundtrack to reduce tensions. Whether or not you have a Bluetooth speaker stylishly attached to your backpack, play something out loud for everyone to enjoy. It can be a poorly curated Spotify playlist or a collection of unskippable YouTube ads. We all deserve to feel like the star of a music video.

Which YouTube niche is your destiny?

By Ella Miller

Starting university means it’s time to let go of those dreams of becoming a YouTuber—or does it? Maybe you don’t have to bid adieu to the urge to pick up a camera and give strangers a rose-coloured window into your life. What better way to create content than take inspiration from your everyday life. Your university major definitely reveals something about your hidden YouTuber ambitions. So here are the video format for you, depending on your choice of study:

Architecture: Three words: paranormal challenge videos. The most popular of this format is the 3 a.m. challenge—you’re up anyway, why not monetize that niche sleep schedule? You could convene with the ghosts that definitely haunt the Monetary Times building or maybe even make a demon pact that will help you finish your scale model on time. The world is full of content to exploit at the witching hour.

English: It would be easy to say you would do book reviews but as an English major, you don’t entertain surface-level discussions, you look deeper. That is why you would be perfectly suited to start a true crime channel to discuss motivation, character analysis and underlying themes abound. Plus, you are uniquely qualified to determine whether it was the colour of the curtains that pushed the culprit to the brink.

Journalism: Your talents will fit best as a Cocomelon host. Now, before you stop reading, this is not an insult. You are already on your way to becoming a more sophisticated Dora the Explorer—asking people the same questions over and over and then awaiting their response. Besides, journalists want their stories to be seen and you cannot go five seconds on YouTube without a video titled “Nursery Rhymes Educational Sing-A-Long Toddler Happy Fun Times” being suggested.

Performance & undeclared arts: Arts students should know something about drama and what better way to stir it up than to make apology videos? Of course, one cannot live on apologies alone. Whatever the personal cost, you will have to become an endlessly problematic— drives automatic with two feet, sets 50 alarms, broccoli pizza lover—kind of iconic drama channel. Take no accountability, cry on the kitchen floor and remember to sigh deeply to show regret so you don’t have to make another apology video for your apology.

Business management: As a business major you get right down to, well, business. You do what everyone else is too afraid to admit to doing if they ever found a sliver of internet stardom: flex your newly acquired boujee lifestyle. You can be more subtle than just flat-out showing off your new chrome-wrapped Lamborghini Aventador at your rental hillside mansion. You could review the latest cinematic disaster, do a baking tutorial or tell us about that time your grandpa accidentally ate paint. But always have the new wheels clearly visible in the background. Subliminal advertising at its finest.

Film: You’re not in it for the money, you’re in it for artistic merit. What better way to prove your pure intentions than to make video essays about obscure lost media? Video essays are the perfect way to educate the masses commuting experience but fill the seats up at 2 p.m. on a Thursday somehow. Easily identified by their blank stares and lack of enthusiasm, sometimes you don’t realize you’re in the role until it’s too late. There is no shame, as these individuals are the backbone of any transit system.

The surfer

Understandably, commuting with hundreds of strangers can be stressful in terms of personal hygiene. If you’d like to avoid touching anything, keep your hands in your pockets, bend your knees slightly and let the rhythm of the bus guide you as you stumble into fellow passengers, their bags and the hand railings. To avoid any germ-infected collisions, it’s best to step away from the aisles and situate yourself in front of the doors for at least eight stops before you’re supposed to get off.

The NPCs

These are the most common types of travellers—the non-player-character. These background characters leave no lasting impression on the on your eccentric passions or whatever forgotten flop media you think deserves to be put in the centre of a gale winded discourse. You can then stand proud in the eye of this hurricane, laughing at the havoc your slickly-edited takedown has created.

Commuter roles will change from ride to ride but it is crucial to follow the natural order of public transportation. These journeys are a performative art that every passenger simultaneously partakes in. As both the actor and the audience, remember to appreciate the displays others are putting on around you while putting on your best performance. Snoop over people’s shoulders to try to decode their text messages and see if they’re listening to the Mamma Mia soundtrack ironically. Scan the covers of books thoughtfully curated for the morning train ride and nod approvingly, regardless of your personal opinions on Colleen Hoover. Maybe even cringe whenever they pen in a crossword answer.

Refusal to comply with any of the seven personas will undoubtedly disrupt the transit ecosystem and create a tense journey for everyone involved. Show some respect and play your role because if we’re going to be stuck together at least ten times a week, it may as well be tolerable.

Engineering: You are known to be intense, both personality and work ethic wise. You need space to channel your unhinged energy and for this reason it makes sense to create a “Let’s Play” channel. Better yet, a “Let’s Play” channel in a remote content house where you play through and provide absurd gaming commentary. That way you can be loud, maximize the chaos and have adequate isolation to carefully craft your own game server with lore so complex, we on the outside will need a 500-page encyclopedia to decipher it.

Geographic analysis: Have you ever fallen down a 1 a.m. internet rabbithole and suddenly there’s a woman surrounded by crystals telling you that you should try to avoid dairy for the next week? Please tell me it’s not just me. Either way, you’re here to vibe. So, start a channel that is just the ultimate vibe zone—think bootleg LoFi Girl. Program the LEDs, surround yourself in plushies and get cozy for a strangely comforting night in.

Nursing & public health: Nursing and public health students are the essence of aesthetic and it makes sense that you started a completely THAT girl-inspired daily vlogging channel. Meal preps, calligraphic notes with your pastel gel pens and sped-up montages are all the inspiration fodder students need to add these to their watch later but-never-look-at-again list.