Building Emotional Resilience in Children

Thinking about mental health and well-being

Building emotional resilience is crucial for children to thrive in today’s fast-changing world. The dictionary definition of resilience is the ability to adapt to change, recover from difficulties and keep going in times of adversity. Yet, mental resilience seems to be in somewhat short supply, as evidenced by the 2023 NHS Digital Report, which found that one in six children aged seven to sixteen, and one in four aged seventeen to nineteen, are experiencing mental health issues. A report from the Resolution Foundation (February 2024) found that 17% of graduates are not entering the workforce because of poor mental health and the numbers are higher for those who achieve lower levels of education.

At The Wellbeing Hub, we believe that taking a proactive, preventative approach to mental health is essential if our children are to fulfil their potential in all areas of life. As parents and teachers there is so much we can do to build children’s self-esteem, self-efficacy, self-awareness and self-management – the four pillars of resilience.

1. Self-Esteem is our core sense of having value. If you are unsure about your child’s selfesteem, listen to how they talk to and about themselves. Do they put themselves down or underestimate their capabilities?

2. Self-Efficacy is our confidence in our competence. It is believing that we are capable of setting and achieving tasks and goals. If self-esteem is about being, self-efficacy is about doing. When we have low self-efficacy, we avoid tasks and don’t make the most of opportunities.

3. Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is our ability to use our emotions to inform our thinking, and our thinking to manage our emotions. It is worth cultivating because multiple studies show that our EQ is a far better predictor of success in all areas of life than our IQ.

Here are six practical tips for building these skills:

Love them for who they are, not what they do: children need to be loved simply for being, not just when they perform well or meet our expectations. This is unconditional love, which gives children a sense of safety and helps them love themselves.

Believe in them: All children are capable of amazing things, but often we do things for them which they could easily do for themselves. When we underestimate their capabilities, we undermine their self-efficacy. Instead, encourage them to become self-reliant – involve them in everyday chores and ask them what you are currently doing for them that they could do for themselves.

Nurture their inner coach: Help them replace negative self-talk with more supportive thoughts. When they doubt themselves, ask them what they would say to a friend in the same situation and encourage them to apply it to themselves.

Don’t rescue them: Let your child face challenges and solve problems independently. When they struggle, offer empathy and guidance, but encourage them to find solutions. Ask questions like, “What do you think you need to do next?”

Let them experience natural consequences: Mistakes are a part of life and provide opportunities for growth. When your child makes a mistake, avoid reacting with blame or shame. Instead, discuss what they can learn from the situation and what they might do differently next time.

Allow them to feel their feelings: Children need to understand that all emotions are temporary and have value. Anger can lead to positive action, guilt is our cue to make amends, but if we don’t allow children to feel and express their feelings, they don’t learn how to manage them. When your child is experiencing strong emotions, they need to borrow your calm. Soothe them by establishing a connection with a hug or a sympathetic gesture, then use your empathy skills to help them find the word to describe their feeling. Once we have named a feeling once, we become more able to handle it when it pops up again, and so we build their emotional intelligence. By fostering an environment that encourages emotional growth, we can help children develop resilience, which will benefit them socially, emotionally and academically.

ALICIA DRUMMOND BACP

Accredited Therapist and Founder of The Wellbeing Hub www.teentips.co.uk/wellbeing-hub/

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