Fall 2010 • $8.95
Journal of Youth & Family Ministry
Cross Generational
The Power of Cross Generational Communities of Faith That The Next Generation Might Know Cross Generational Bible Study Much more...
Enhance your ministry. contextual leadership classroom learning community life
Children, Youth & Family Ministry Degrees Master of Divinity Master of Arts Residential program Distributed learning program
(online and intensive on-campus courses)
Learn more at luthersem.edu/cyf 2
Publication Information Published by: ELCA Youth Ministry Network www.elcaymnet.org
Table of Contents Welcome!
4
Todd Buegler
The Power of Cross Generational Communities of Faith
The Practicing of Faith at Church That We Can Live at Home
RENEW | EDUCATE | CONNECT
8
Dawn Alitz
That The Next Generation Might Know
10
Marilyn Sharpe
Building Relationships Across Generations
Subscription Information: call 866-ELCANET (352-2638) or visit www.elcaymnet.org connect@elcaymnet.org
Design and Layout: Michael Sladek Impression Media Group www.impressionmediagroup.com
Contributing Editor: Debbie Sladek
Connect Editorial Board: Chris Bruesehoff, Todd Buegler, Sue Mendenhall, Jeremy Myers, Andy Root, Debbie Sladek, Michael Sladek
14
George Baum
Calendar of Events
17
On The Way
18
Contributing Writers: David W. Anderson, Dawn Alitz, George Baum, Bill Bixby, Andrea Fieldhouse, Carole Joyce Marilyn Sharpe, Debbie Sladek
13
Debbie Sladek
A View From Somewhere Else
12
Carole Joyce
Cross Generational: A Parent’s Perspective
7
Andrea Fieldhouse
Bible Study: The Full Body of Christ
5
David W. Anderson
Bill Bixby
Future Connect Themes: Advocacy (Winter ‘11) Congregational (Spring ‘11)
Connected (Summer ‘11) Partnership (Fall ‘11)
ELCA Youth Ministry Network Board Rev. Larry Wagner: Board Chairperson Rev. Dr. Nathan Frambach: Board Member Julie Miller: Board Member Charlene Rollins: Board Member Valerie Taylor Samuel: Board Member
Linda Staats: Board Member Yvonne Steindal: Board Member Bill Bixby: ELCA Youth & Family Ministry Todd Buegler: Executive Director
The ELCA Youth Ministry Network exists to strengthen and empower adult youth ministry leaders in service to Christ as a part of God’s mission.
3
Network News Bites
Welcome! Dear friends, I grew up in a small, urban congregation in south Minneapolis. At Diamond Lake Lutheran Church, everyone knew everyone. While I realize that sometimes this kind of familiarity can also breed an exclusivity that makes the new person uncomfortable, there is no question that for me, this small, tight community was a good thing. I’ll be honest: I couldn’t get away with anything. Everyone in that small church knew me, and knew my family. If, while wandering the church halls, I tried to do anything that wouldn’t meet with the approval of an elder, my parents would have heard all about it before they even finished their Sunday morning doughnut. The people who tracked my movements were the same ones who taught my Sunday school classes... who taught me how to use the dishwasher in the church kitchen... who drove us up to camp for retreats... who took us to the Boundary Waters on canoe trips... who ran the Luther League... who called me at home when my church library books were overdue... who prayed for our family when we experienced loss... and the list goes on and on. I didn’t know it at the time, but I was experiencing cross generational ministry. And ultimately, it wasn’t about a program or an event. The cross generational ministry I experienced was a culture, bound in relationships. People looked out for each other and participated in each other’s lives because of the relationships that existed. And because of these relationships, we grew in our faith. (Of the nine youth in my confirmation class, three of us went into full-time ministry... something must have worked!) In this issue of Connect, we dig deep into cross generational ministry. In our congregations, we create the programs that set the table for these relationships to exist. But ultimately, it is God’s Holy Spirit that will create and bless these relationships. Ultimately, our task is to trust God, and to name those relationships when we see them. Because it is there, in the midst of those relationships, that Jesus can be found.
The Network has added a new “Extravaganza Speakers” section to our online bookstore! Now you can buy speakers’ books in advance of the event to read their stories and thoughts. Go to www.elcaymnet.org and click on the “Resources” tab, and then click on “Online Bookstore.”
The Network welcomes the Lutheran Educational Council of North America (www.lutherancolleges.com) as our newest “Network Partner.” LECNA promotes Lutheran higher education throughout the church and hosts the Lutheran College Fairs that many of our young people have attended! Thanks to LECNA for their partnership!
Have you registered for the Extravaganza yet? Don’t miss this year’s event! January 20–24, 2011 in Kansas City, Missouri! Get more info at www.elcaymnet.org/extravaganza.
Three regions will be electing new Network Regional Facilitators at this year’s Extravaganza! Regions 1, 4 and 5.
Blessings on your ministry!
Rev. Todd Buegler Executive Director – ELCA Youth Ministry Network Pastor—Lord of Life Lutheran Church, Maple Grove, MN Todd@elcaymnet.org
4
The Network’s Twitter feed has over 300 followers! Are you one of them? Follow us at www.twitter.com/elcaymnet
The Power of Cross Generational Communities of Faith by David W. Anderson
In Singapore it is typical that several generations of family live under the same roof. When one woman from Singapore learned that in the United States most nuclear families live separately, she responded with surprise, “Where do the children get their stories?” According to the culture and experience of this woman and that of most others throughout human history, multiple generations are essential to acquire one’s identity-forming stories. Today’s children and youth in America are challenged more and more by the absence of stories that give them identity and meaning. More often our youth receive their narratives not as something personal and identityforming, but as entertainment through such things as recorded music, on a screen or—for fewer and fewer these days—in a book.
Noted biblical scholar Walter Brueggemann has observed the importance of these cross+generational relationships to the Christian faith. He wrote, One major function of intergenerational life is to transmit the stories and the promises, which identify the family so that each new generation has an inheritance that gives both identity and roots, and purpose and vocation.
A major point in Brueggemann’s article is that the biblical family is more than the modern, nuclear family epitomized in the 1950s. It is an “intergenerational,” or for this article, “cross+generational” community of people that nurtures faith, values, and lifestyle by telling deeply-rooted stories and the convictions or “promises” that are woven into those stories. These cross+generational narratives give people—especially the young people—their sense of identity and direction for life. If the Bible were a fact book of isolated information, as though it were from a dictionary or Wikipedia, to be assimilated into one’s conscience, perhaps the loss of cross+generational contact today would not be so damaging. But the Bible is first and foremost the story of God in human history, in the history of all those who are claimed as the descendents of Abraham (Galatians 3:7). This information is so important that it needs trusted storytellers who tell and re-tell in continually nuanced (read “contemporary”) ways the truth of God in Christ. These stories serve as the cradle that contains the essential message, the foundational information, for life, hope, love, and faith in community. Genesis, that strategic first book of the Bible, reminds us that God is the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob, that is, the God of a parent, a child, and a grandchild (see Genesis 50:24 and Acts 3:13). The God of the Bible links the generations together with a common history, a common story to pass on from generation to generation. As if to remind us of this biblical perspective, a whole host of research studies from the past three decades have reinforced the role of parents, grandparents, and other adults in the faith forma-
“
The Pied-Piper model of one young person taking the youth away to meet in their own space, at their own time, and with their own lead-
He goes on to reference the story of the ten plagues and how God informs Moses of one of the reasons for the plagues: “ ... that you may tell your children and grandchildren how I have made fools of the Egyptians and what signs I have done among them—so that you may know that I am the LORD” (Exodus 10:2). Moses and the people of the exodus did not witness the ten plagues simply to get them
ers is contrary to the Bible, most of church history, and to the overwhelming data from recent research. 5
“
The concern for our youth is not only the absence of cross+generational family relationships in their daily lives. The concern is also for a larger cross+generational population that is invested in our youth and their faith, values, and character formation. Numerous research studies have pointed out the critical value of young people having three to five or more adults actively engaged in their lives. Unfortunately, it also has been noted that the United States represents the most age-segregated society in human history. No other mass culture has been so successful at—or created such a failure in human relationships by—keeping the generations separated from each other. It is even a greater divide than generational. Lower elementary is separated from upper elementary, middle school from high school, and high school from emerging adults. Of course, there are exceptions, and we can probably all name our own. However, the problem is that as those cross+generational contacts become less and less frequent, so does the cross+generational storytelling and so does the ease with which faith in Christ is transmitted from generation to generation.
out of Egypt. They did so to have a story to tell the generations to come (see Deuteronomy 11:1-2 for another example of this).
tion of our children and youth (You can look at the summary of some of this research by going to www.vibrantfaith.org/documents/ ResearchPP-logo10.26.09.pdf). Christian Smith with Patricia Snell document one of the most recent research studies in Souls in Transition: The Religious & Spiritual Lives of Emerging Adults. According to their research, the role of parent is the most important influence in the faith life of children. In addition to parents, other trusted adults also play a key role. The authors write that two primary cross+generational forces have the greatest influence on the faith lives of emerging adults:
The youth were eager to sit down and talk, but the elders in the room were hesitant, even intimidated. Our congregations and communities have lived such segregated lives over the years that the older generations feel inadequate to the task of cross+generational contact. They simply haven’t experienced much of it, and what they hear and read about the youth today often scares them (The news puts the positive stories on the back page—if at all, and movies tend to focus on extreme behaviors, not normalcy.). The way for the church to overcome the lack of cross+generational contact is to experience it and not just talk or write about it. Time and again, when the generations do sit down and tell their faith stories, amazing things happen. In one congregation a retired police officer admitted that he was shocked that he had anything to say that would be of interest to young people. Their attention to his life experience amazed him. Within a day he committed to being a confirmation guide and began to consider other ways to work with the youth in the congregation. Another cross+generational event in a congregation resulted in an octogenarian woman becoming friends with a five-year-old boy. The two had been in the same congregation for the past five years, but the elder had never really made contact with the younger. Once that experience had happened, she was delighted to call the young person her new friend.
First are individual family households, where parents predictably do the primary socializing. Second are individual religious congregations, where other adults can exert socializing influences on youth... these are the two crucial contexts of youth religious formation in the United States. Too many congregational leaders have been persuaded to ignore the power of cross+generational relationships and conversations. Instead—as the thinking goes—get a young, engaging person or two to take full responsibility for equipping youth in the Christian faith. The criticism here is not that young adults are unimportant ministers to youth; they were just never intended to be the only— or even primary—ministers to youth. The research repeatedly points out the importance of parents and other adults in the faith lives of children and youth. The Pied-Piper model of one young person taking the youth away to meet in their own space, at their own time, and with their own leaders is contrary to the Bible, most of church history, and to the overwhelming data from recent research.
The church in the congregation and the church in the home is a cross+generational community. It is time to reclaim the gift and power of cross+generational life for our children, youth, and adults of all ages. The more we as a church experience meaningful cross+generational conversations, cross+generational worship and other devotional moments, cross+generational service ministry, and cross+generational rituals and traditions (the foundational faith practices of the church referred to as the “Four Keys” by Vibrant Faith Ministries), the more we will be witnessing to and celebrating the power of the Christian faith to shape and renew lives in homes, congregations, communities, and the larger world.
What prevents adults from taking their rightful place in the lives of children and youth? Fear. Today’s adults, including a preponderance of pastors and other congregational leaders, believe they have little to offer the youth. When asked what are the primary influences on the faith and values of young people, the answer assumed by many is “friends and peers.” The reality is that the correct answer is far different. Moms and dads and other caring, trusted adults have the impact children and youth most trust.
Dr. David W. Anderson is a presenter, coach and author at Vibrant Faith Ministries in Bloomington, MN. He has been instrumental in developing an approach to Christian discipleship and evangelism, the Vibrant Faith Frame (formerly known as The Child In Our Hands Initiative), and resources to accompany it. He has written extensively on partnering home and congregation in faith formation. Dr. Anderson is co-author of Frogs without Legs Can’t Hear: Nurturing Disciples in Home and Congregation (2003) and Coming of Age: Exploring the Identity and Spirituality of Younger Men (2006). His latest book, From the Great Omission to Vibrant Faith, (August, 2009), is the first installment of his Vibrant Faith Series.
One cross+generational (a group that included Millennials to the Silent Generation) church gathering was asked what was needed to promote the Christian faith into the future. A high school student immediately raised her hand and said, “I’d like more conversations with older members of the congregation.” From the other side of the room (the church group was typically segregated by age groups) an older gentleman responded, “But we don’t know how to speak your language.” Another youth shouted out, “It would feel phony if you did.” Immediately another youth chimed in, “We want to hear your stories. Were any of you in a war?” i
Mary Pipher, The Shelter of Each Other: Rebuilding Our Families (New York: Ballantine Books, 1996), p. 150. The term “cross+generational” is written in this way to emphasize the cross of Christ as the bond that brings life- and faith-shaping experiences together between the generations. iii Walter Brueggeman, “The Covenanted Family: A Zone for Humanness,” Journal of Current Social Issues 14 (Winter 1977), p. 19. iv Christian Smith with Patricia Snell, Souls in Transition: The Religious & Spiritual Lives of Emerging Adults (New York: Oxford University Press, 2009), p. 286. ii
6
The Practicing of Faith at Church That We Can Intentionally Live at Home and Use in Our Everyday Lives! by Andrea Fieldhouse
“What do you want for your children?” I ask parents. The answers I receive vary, but not by much—happiness, safety, joy, success, knowledge, wisdom, self confidence, good jobs, education, love— they want for their children to be kind, caring, well rounded, respected, and people of faith. They want what is best for their children, what brings them life!
tions of God taking place in cars, restaurants, and shopping malls. This month, families made “travel” faith kits that could easily go on vacation with them, inviting faith to be a part of all of their lives! So how does one do this? The first thing I tell folks is, “You’ve got to want this for families and believe that this will make a difference.” There’s nothing halfway about family ministry because your job is to convince parents that they are truly capable of teaching and passing on faith. For me, it took some years to get to the truth of ministry: it really is about God and not about me! From there I had to decide what I believed about this particular way of ministry, so I studied a lot, read a lot, listened a lot, and prayed a lot. The culmination was this vision statement: “The practicing of faith at church so that we can intentionally live it at home and use it in our daily lives.” The key words for me were practicing, intentionality, home. This statement became my mantra and my job!
It is in our living, and our doing or not doing, that we decide who our children are. It is in the rules, boundaries, conversations, teaching, learning, modeling, and love that children become who they are and possibly who their parents want them to be! Parents often tell me they feel ill equipped when it comes to “church” and “faith stuff.” There is confirmation and Sunday school but we know there’s more! The most significant times of faith usually occur outside the hour or two spent in the church building and again, our hope lies in helping families create sacred space in their lives together.
I am blessed to be in my congregation because they have always trusted my vision and my work. I was given the immediate go-ahead to do what I thought best. Thus I designed an hour event (remembering that families are very busy) and invited families. This event comprised all the pieces of ministry that I knew worked and were vital to supporting faith: reading the Bible, praying, talking, playing, silence, art, and ritual. The difference was that I facilitated, taught, and modeled, while the parents interacted with their children. We called it “practicing faith.” After our time together I sent families home with “assignments” that utilized all the techniques we practiced at church. It worked. I have included a brief outline below that we have used monthly. It is important to note that this outline is a ritual, as are many of its elements. Something to keep in mind: ritual is a must for families and once a ritual is defined and claimed, it shapes the family.
We know what God has always known, PARENTS are the primary faith models! God knew parental love was one of the greatest of loves and no one could teach of his love better than those who loved their children! So God commanded parents (not youth workers) to tell children not only their own story but God’s story too! And to tell it all the time—so waking, sleeping, playing, eating— God’s love would surround and hold each child, giving each one a family and God to belong to! I want for parents the full experience of passing on faith to their children and being a family of faith together. Building Bridges is a Mount Calvary “hands-on” ministry developed to equip families to practice faith together: building bridges between church and home so that what is practiced at church can begin to be part of our everyday lives. During a conference, I heard the statement, “Families will not do at home what they have not first practiced in church.” The Building Bridge Ministry provides an arena for practice. Once every month families gather, set up their family altar, establishing a sacred space where they practice prayer, ritual, blessings, intentional conversation, meals, fun and faith! I facilitate the experience, parents do the work! Families leave Building Bridges with HomeTime suggestions and directions to use all that has been practiced that evening.
• Family Altar Set Up • Candle Lighting and Opening Prayer • Time of Silence • Intentional Conversation—family questions, discussions or activities that point to the theme. • God’s Story and Our Story—Bible reading, storytelling, coloring, drama, art, etc.
Is it working? I hear of altars being set up at home, candles lit, and children inviting parents and siblings into sacred space. I hear of families talking about God regularly and blessings being exchanged on an everyday basis. I hear of prayers and conversa-
• Family Prayer Time • Blessings
7
Because of the success, we did this again and again until it morphed into a ministry called Building Bridges. I still design the themes and lessons myself because it is something I love doing. Others use Sunday school lessons, some focus on seasonal gatherings, and others tweak present ministries by having parents involved. No matter what you do, the focus is practicing faith at church and taking it home. It is in the creating of home altars, talking and reading together, candle lighting, prayers, and everyday conversation that God is recognized as being the focus and constant of family life.
Has it had its problems, frustrations, annoyances? Yes, but anything worth doing always will. No one said ministry is easy. It is constant in its changing, tweaking, learning, listening, and evolving! It always will be. But, there is no greater gift than that of watching parents and children, heads together over a candle, talking to God. Family Ministry, regardless of the way we define family, is the emerging church!
Andrea Fieldhouse serves at Director of Family Ministry in Excelsior, MN and is a student at St. Kate’s in Spiritual Direction. Her main call is helping parents to talk and live God and faith with their children. She served as a Youth Director for 12 years before being called to Faith Inkubators to train and write. She loves
Because parents love their kids more than we do, it is vital that we recognize that God desires families (Deuteronomy 6:4-9) to be about a life of faith together. Whatever we can do to aid this only gives life. And, because parents love their kids more than we do, this concept of Family Ministry at Mount Calvary has “spilled” over and parents are firmly ensconced into and about Confirmation and Milestone Ministries as well. It really becomes about permissiongiving and affirming parents in roles they were meant to fulfill.
reading, rocks and scrapbooking.
Bible Study The Full Body of Christ by Dawn Alitz
Introduction Looking through the Bible, there are many examples of people worshipping, listening to God and Jesus, or being baptized as families or groups of people that included children and youth. Even today, church and family functions offer some of the best opportunities for us to be with people of many ages and abilities. • Think of family pictures you like or the names on your phone, contacts, or Facebook friends list. Who do you consider family? Are they people of different ages? Why or why not? • What things do you intentionally do with people of different ages? Do you enjoy those activities?
Continued on page 9
8
Read & Reflect 2 Timothy 1:1-5 – Paul traces a line of faith through Lois to Eunice to Timothy. “I, Paul, am on special assignment for Christ, carrying out God’s plan laid out in the Message of Life by Jesus. I write this to you, Timothy, the son I love so much. All the best from our God and Christ be yours! Every time I say your name in prayer—which is practically all the time—I thank God for you, the God I worship with my whole life in the tradition of my ancestors. I miss you a lot, especially when I remember that last tearful good-bye, and I look forward to a joy-packed reunion. That precious memory triggers another: your honest faith—and what a rich faith it is, handed down from your grandmother Lois to your mother Eunice, and now to you! And the special gift of ministry you received when I laid hands on you and prayed—keep that ablaze! God doesn’t want us to be shy with his gifts, but bold and loving and sensible.” (The Message) In this reading, Paul learned from his ancestors and Timothy learned from Lois and Eunice. • What is passed down in your family? What thoughts, beliefs, or traditions are spoken of as important? Are God and faith a part of this? Why or why not? • Do you think that Paul and Timothy, through their travels and ministries, experienced or learned new things that they could share with their relatives and each other?
Application If in the Bible we have examples of several generations sharing faith together, what might that mean for our lives today? What can adults learn from younger people? What can younger people learn from adults? • Take a few minutes and talk about the opportunities, and challenges, that spending time or sharing conversation with people of various ages offers. • Think of three things that you would like to share or learn with people who are older than you are. Then, think of three things that you would like to share or learn with people who are younger than you are. Think back to those thoughts, beliefs or traditions that you thought were important in the “Read and Reflect” section if you need ideas.
Wrap Up Have participants select one of the things that they want to learn from or share with someone older or younger than themselves, and write it down on a piece of paper. Invite each person to take time in the next couple of weeks to meet with a person of their choice to put that into action. Find a time to share how that experience went.
Prayer: Dear God, your amazing Word brings promises and hope to people of all ages. Thank you for giving each of us different gifts and abilities to act in the world on your behalf. Teach us to listen to, learn from, and work with each other so that your grace can be seen and felt in this world that you love so much. Amen.
Dawn Alitz currently serves as the Director of Faith Formation at Light of the World Lutheran Church, a mission-start congregation in Farmington, Minnesota. She is passionate about creating partnerships between homes and congregations where trusted relationships can flourish and creating the opportunity for vital and relevant faith practices. She shares her life and faith with her husband Dave, and daughters Birgit and Tabitha.
9
That The Next Generation Might Know by Marilyn Sharpe
cross+generationally. We will not hide them from [the] children; we will tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done... which he commanded our ancestors to teach to their children; that the next generation might know them, the children yet unborn, and rise up and tell them to their children, so that they should set their hope in God, and not forget the works of God, but keep his commandments Psalm 78:4-7
Reading this psalm, don’t you envision the generations rolling toward you, imbued—by the previous generation—with God’s story and God’s love. You are part of this flow of faith, a recipient of the faith of older generations, who have imparted it to you; now, a transmitter of faith to younger generations. It’s been God’s plan all along that the generations should gather, connect, and share their stories of faith. Why? So that the Holy Spirit, working through these personal, trusted relationships, will stir up faith in all of the generations. They will know this living God in Jesus Christ, follow Him, and go and make disciples. This is the way children and youth have always learned God’s stories by heart. Whose heart? The hearts of the adults they love. This was never meant to be the sole domain of Sunday school, Bible study, and youth ministry. This was to be what God’s people talked about when they gathered, whenever and wherever, formally and informally, daily in their homes and weekly in their houses of worship. It is what the writer meant in Deuteronomy 6:6-7. Keep these words that I am commanding you today in your heart. Recite them to your children and talk about them when you are at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise. Martin Luther’s intention in writing the Small Catechism was to provide a conversation starter for the home, anchored in the basics of the Christian faith. Think for a moment about those who’ve been your faith formers. As a child, who taught you Bible stories, taught you to pray, worshiped with you, answered your God questions? For many of us, it was a parent or grandparent, the parent of a close friend, a Sunday school teacher, a neighbor, a godparent, a camp counselor, or a pastor. This was our introduction to the faith and it happened
As a youth, who shaped you in the faith, leaving Jesus’ fingerprints all over you? Yes, it may have been some of the people you named as childhood faith formers, but you may have added a confirmation mentor or guide, a youth director, a supporting adult on a Sunday night or mission trip or youth gathering, an employer or supervisor, a coach. It also might have been a peer, who joined you in wrestling with your God questions. This was cross+generational ministry, indeed. And today, who is your mentor, your spiritual friend, your rock of faith when the waters of your life roil. I thank God for my teachers and my students, who have all been my teachers, sometimes by telling the stories of God intersecting with their lives, sometimes by the questions they ask. I thank God for my friends, who listen to me, give me space to wrestle with God, pray for me when I cannot find the words, and invite me to fall into those everlasting arms. Pause to thank God for all of these people of faith, who have journeyed with you faithfully through your life. And know that now it is our turn to pass on faith by telling God’s stories, by listening to the stories and questions of God’s children and youth, by telling our stories, and finding God in the midst. It is also our turn to provide intentional cross+generational opportunities for our adults and elders to be present with our children and youth, to do what adults and elders did for and with us when we were children and youth. It is our turn to equip parents (and all Christian adults, called by God to be faith parents) to know God’s story and share it with children and youth they love; to be able to listen to the real questions of faith; to serve together, in Jesus’ name; and to celebrate a shared life in Christ. Why? So that the next generation might know!
Marilyn Sharpe knows it’s all about faith! She has a passion for helping congregations embrace a vision of partnering with and equipping households to nurture faith in all the generations, every day, everywhere. She loves coaching, consulting, mentoring, and training congregational staff and volunteers to do this ministry. She also loves teaching parents, teachers, and families how to do this in every venue. She presents with energy, passion and contagious enthusiasm. She loves cross+generational ministry, linking all the generations to celebrate God’s presence in all of our faith milestones.
10
oasis something serving as a
refuge,
relief, or
pleasant change from what is
usual,
annoying, or
difficult.
Extravaganza 2011 is the ELCA Youth Ministry Network’s gathering of adults who tend the faith journeys of the young.
• It’s about renewal: You will be fed at God’s table and will drink deeply of God’s grace. • It’s about education: You will have your skills and your understanding of ministry with children, youth and families strengthened. Our teachers are simply the best there are. • It’s about connection: You will spend time with peers who understand the joys and struggles of your ministry. Come prepared to share your ideas, and to receive the ideas of others.
Join us at the Hyatt Crown Center in Kansas City, MO from January 20-24, 2011 • Intensive Care Courses: January 20-21 • Main Event: January 21-24 Cost: • Early registration from July 1 - October 31: $220 (reduced from last year!) • Standard registration from November 1 - December 31: $240 • Late registration after January 1: $275 Come and experience the Oasis that is Jesus.
11 Registration open now at www.elcaymnet.org/Extravaganza
oasis
Building Relationships Across Generations by Carole Joyce
“I need a Rochester grandma!” These wise words came from a second grade child whose best friend had grandparents in town. Paul’s grandparents lived hundreds of miles away. Although Paul had loving parents, he realized this was not enough. Little Paul longed for relationship across the generations: someone older to listen to him, to share fun and wisdom. The child didn’t know it, but he was echoing what Search Institute discovered in its developmental assets: youth need three or more caring adults outside their family. But where would young Paul find them?
1. A room of 8–12 high school youth gathers on Sunday mornings for youth forum. Each week they are joined by 5–7 caring adults—some are parents; others are young adults; still others are retired adults who enjoy “hanging out” with youth. Yes, some Sundays there are as many adults as youth. Together they eat Pop Tarts, talk about life, and explore the most challenging texts in the Bible. 2. A group of Confirmation students and their parents gather for class. The theme is faith in the milestones of life. One week a newly married couple share stories of how they met, fell in love, and how God is working in their life. Another week a widow shares her faith story, how God was present through the death of her husband.
We live in a fragmented society. Families often live geographically distant from their extended family. Life is compartmentalized by age level at school, work, and leisure activities. Families are fragmented by busyness—each member doing his or her own thing. Yet we know these important things about passing on faith: 1. Faith is formed by the power of the Holy Spirit through personal trusted relationships. 2. Faith is caught more than it is taught. 3. To have faithful children, we need faithful adults.
3. At Lenten soup suppers, people of all ages mingle and talk before attending worship. All ages love to sing the Holden evening prayer, watch a Lenten drama, and receive items to build a home altar. One week the first through fifth graders serve as cantors. A child who rarely sings out loud exclaims, “I just love the Annunciation and Magnificat!”
Where do we form these trusted relationships? Where do we find faithful adults of all ages? In our compartmentalized culture, the church is the one remaining multigenerational organization. Our congregations have the potential to be a cross-generational community where meaningful relationships can develop. Joined together as the family of God through Baptism, we are united across the barriers of age, race, class, and gender. Our baptismal call to share with others the amazing Good News of God’s transforming love, challenges us to work against fragmentation and isolation by building relationships.
4. All fifth graders are paired with an adult prayer partner. The students marvel that someone they don’t know would take time to pray for them. Over time relationships develop. Prayer partners seek each other out on Sunday morning just to say hello or send emails back and forth. 5. The students who are about to be confirmed gather for a potluck with their parents and the church council. Students share their faith statements; adults affirm the God-given gifts of the students. All are inspired and blessed by the faith stories.
Yet congregations can be fragmented too. When youth or children gather for activities, how many caring adults participate? Does a congregation truly welcome and include children and youth in worship? Are service and fellowship opportunities planned that welcome participation by all ages? Building cross-generational relationships requires intentionality. Creating a culture which truly welcomes children and youth into the worship, service, and fellowship life of the church takes time, commitment, and deliberate planning from both clergy and lay leaders. Cross-generational gatherings create opportunities for new relationships to develop as people who might otherwise never meet come together. Cross-generational ministry can bring families together around milestones or service or learning events. Cross-generational worship can be the one place each week where young and old join to sing, pray, and eat at the Lord’s table together across three, four, or even five generations.
6. One Sunday morning the narthex is filled with supplies that the congregation has gathered for Lutheran World Relief layettes. Adults help while the Sunday school children choose which sleepers, blanket, diapers, soaps, and sweaters should go into each packet. Together adults and children tie the packages, then the children bring them to the altar where they will be blessed during worship. Intentional cross-generational ministry builds community and relationships, a faith family which can be found no where else in today’s world.
Carole Joyce (AIM) has a passion for passing on the faith. She has been blessed to work, learn, and teach across the generations in congregations for over 25 years. Carole recently completed her MA in Children, Youth, and Family ministry at Luther Seminary and is currently called by Good Shepherd in Plainview, MN and
So what might cross-generational ministry look like in a faith community? Here are some snapshots from real congregations:
Mount Olive in Rochester, MN.
12
Cross Generational: A Parent’s Perspective by Debbie Sladek
Walk into a roomful of teenagers in a classroom or your home and it can seem as though your very presence is sucking the oxygen from the room: conversation stops, facial expressions change from animated to pained, everyone stares at you, and it’s very clear that someone doesn’t belong, and that someone is most definitely you. Walk into a clothing store that caters to teens and it’s a similar story: dozens of teens—including the adolescent sales associates— move through the store never quite making eye contact with you. They talk about school and friends, but unless you step up to the register, you move through the store feeling invisible and something of a voyeur. It’s tough being an adult and trying to navigate the world of teens. For most of us interacting with teens, sometimes even our own kids, means stepping outside our comfort zone and this can be difficult. Parents who have no problems driving carpool for their son or daughter and neighborhood kids might shy away from teaching Sunday school to those same youth. High school teachers who can easily lead twenty or thirty students in class discussions can’t figure out how to talk one-on-one to their own kids. Varsity soccer coaches who inspire their athletes to take risks and learn new skills feel a sense of panic when asked to chaperone a confirmation retreat or lead a youth group Habitat work crew. I think that a lot of us support hiring youth directors in our congregations because we don’t feel up to the task of doing youth ministry ourselves. Or if we do it ourselves, then we’re not really doing youth ministry, we’re not legitimate, and our youth will leave the church in droves. Nobody’s kids really want to be around him/ her, right? I hear these concerns being brought up again and again at church. But I think we’re missing something really important here: the possibilities and blessings of a cross-generational youth ministry program that’s fully integrated into the life of the congregation. The teen years are passionate, hopeful, carefree, painful, angstridden, anxiety-filled, exciting, novel—the very things that scare or put off adults. When a congregation finally hires a youth director there’s a collective sigh of relief, Whew! Now the director can deal with the kids, find chaperones for the upcoming Confirmation retreat, teach the much-dreaded junior high Sunday school class, and stay up all night at the next youth group lock-in. Now our kids will have someone to listen to them, teach them the faith, teach them about being a good congregation member. What a relief and such a blessing.
not at a point where we can or should hire a director, we worked together with our young people and developed a program that is cross-generational? Parents of middle schoolers could supervise the annual car wash fundraiser while the parents of high schoolers chaperone the fall retreat. Adults of all ages, from twenty-somethings right up through the most senior among us, could serve as confirmation guides and Sunday school teachers. And those congregations blessed to have a youth director could see that person as a guide, showing them how to be in cross-generational ministry, helping everyone move beyond their comfort zones into a life fully integrated with one another. Those of you who read “A Parent’s Perspective” in our last issue may remember that I shared a bit about a difficult situation that my family’s congregation is experiencing. For more than a year now our church has been grappling with many issues, including the leaving of our long-time youth director and how both the youth and adults have responded to this. Sometimes I wish that life was a sitcom and all our problems were neatly resolved within a short period of time. But real life is messy, and growth and change require time and lots of hard work. I would like to give readers an update. Shortly after I wrote my article, our son, who was adamant that he was done at church, that it was just such a painful place of hypocrisy that he was not interested in ever going again, received a note from our then-council president. She explained that she missed seeing him at church and apologized for anything she may have done that prevented him from being there. And then our pastors reached out to David. Our lead pastor sent a couple of emails telling David that he was missed, and our associate pastor asked David to coffee. During their coffee meeting, David told us he was brutally honest about his frustration and disappointment. To both our pastors’ credit, they didn’t argue with David but accepted his criticism and acknowledged his pain. David felt heard and appreciated the time they gave him. And these were not the only adults that reached out to David—and to my husband and me. A few weeks later David announced he wanted to be at church one Sunday. He still didn’t like the conflict that was taking place but the efforts of the adults at church to put aside their own pain and open themselves up made all the difference. Forgiveness and healing—for the entire congregation—will take time, but I think we’re off to a solid start.
Debbie Sladek is a freelance writer and editor and has more than 20 years experience working in the area of nonprofit and education. She lives with her husband and son in Sammamish, WA.
But how different would this picture be if instead of hiring a youth director to minister to the youth, we called a youth director to partner with all of us—regardless of our age—in creating and nurturing a cross-generational youth ministry program? Or if we’re
13
A View From Elsewhere Cross Generational by George Baum
Cross-Generational Ministry... a.k.a. Ministry Though I didn’t realize it at the time, there was a` strong message being sent in my congregation growing up in Niagara Falls, NY. Every year, there was one Sunday set aside as “Youth Sunday.” This was the annual worship service where the youth group picked and played the hymns (hymns!), and read the lessons, and preached a sermon (by way of a skit, usually), and . . . well, of course there was no communion on Youth Sunday, so that was about it. We’d plan for months, and we took pride in doing a good job for Youth Sunday. So, the strong message I mentioned? It was simply this: By picking one Sunday each year as Youth Sunday, the implication is that fifty-one Sundays of the year are not youth Sundays. The very fact that one Sunday was set-aside for the youth to participate tells everyone that the other fifty-one Sundays during the year are off-limits. But there’s another implication in this as well. Even though the youth had only the one Sunday each year devoted to full-on participation, it was obvious to everyone that the adults would not be participating on that particular annual Youth Sunday. It never crossed our minds to encourage the adults to help us out with Youth Sunday. I mean, they’re not youths, right?
But here’s the point I want to make: youth leaders often play into this system of separation and alienation by having things intentionally geared toward youth. No adults allowed, and the assumption is, no adults would want to be allowed. On the other hand, what if youth workers made a point of inviting adults to some youth group events and activities? What if the adults were invited to come along on the ski trip, with the understanding that they are guests, not the chaperones? What if on Youth Sunday we let a couple adults do something crazy like, say, light the candles? What if the other fifty-one Sundays we let youth pick the music sometimes? Or, better yet, what if we just allowed everyone to participate in everything? You know, as if there were no longer Jew or Greek, male or female, young or old? And yes, yes, I know plenty of churches are doing just this kind of thing. I just wish that when I was in youth group someone would’ve thought to treat me like a fully included baptized child of God, rather than a member of... what’s the word I’m looking for? Special interest group perhaps? Treating young people like adults might actually lead to young people treating adults like kids. And, I have to say, there’s something to be said for that. There’s a lot to be said for that!
And the point I’m trying to make is this . . .
George Baum plays in the band Lost And Found (www.speedwood.com) and also serves as Priest in
Everyone knows that adults misunderstand and exclude youth from “churchy” things. Everyone knows that young people rebel in order to show that they’re capable of independence and need freedom and all that. But it seems to kind of slip past us to consider the other side of that denarius.
Charge at St. Patrick Episcopal Church, Brunswick, OH.
It’s not often that young people take time to consider what life is like for people their parents’ age. I know that’s true, because I was young once, believe it or not. It never crossed my mind to consider that the adults around me might be suffering just as badly, if not worse, than I was. The myopia wasn’t my fault, of course, but it was still the case all the same.
14
Get Interactive With Connect www.elcaymmnet.org/connectjournal
We’ve added a new feature to the Network website that invites you to interact with Connect. Point your web browser to www.ELCAYMNet.org/ConnectJournal and then click on each article title to read online and offer your comments. Our goal is to offer more ways for you to connect (pardon the pun) with the articles and others in ministry. We hope that this will be another resource for you and a place of fruitful conversation. See you online!
The premier east coast youth worker’s event dedicated to training, renewal and networking.
April 1-2, 2011 St. Paul’s Lutheran Church Newark, DE Registration Opens Soon! www.GatheringInTheEast.org 15
July 1-5, 2011
California Lutheran University Thousand Oaks, CA
Western States Youth Gathering is: mass gatherings with great speakers and musicians; workshops and small group experiences; worship that takes you in new directions: opportunities to serve alongside others. And it’s so much more!
WSYG is for youth in grades 9-12 in Regions 1 & 2. Cost is $375 per participant ($395 after March 1, 2011) and includes all event fees, HOUSING AND MEALS!
REGISTRATION OPENS OCTOBER 15, 2010 For more information, visit www.wsyg.com or email info@wsyg.com 16
Calendar of Events Start Date
End Date
Name
Location
Contact Person
Web Site
Targeted to:
Oct 13, 2010 5:00 PM
Oct 15, 2010 12:00 PM
Network Board Meeting
Wartburg Seminary
Larry Wagner
pastorlarry@alcto.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Oct 15, 2010 11:00 AM
Oct 17, 2010 11:00 AM
SEPA Synod Junior High Youth Gathering
Refreshing Mountain Camp, Stevens, PA
Molly Beck Dean
mbeck@sepa.org
Jr High Youth
Oct 15, 2010 6:00 PM
Oct 17, 2010 11:00 AM
DE-MD Synod Middle School Event "FreeRide"
NorthBay Retreat Center (North East, MD)
Ed Kay
ekay@demdsynod.org
Jr High Youth
Oct 21, 2010 4:00 PM
Oct 23, 2010 12:00 PM
Western North Dakota Synod LYO Gathering
Grand International Inn, Minot, ND
Beth Anderson
banderson.synod@midconetwork.com
Sr High Youth
Oct 21, 2010 8:00 PM
Oct 24, 2010 1:00 PM
Volunteer Leader Training for Children, Youth & Household Ministry
Rainbow Trail Lutheran Camp, Hillside, CO
Linda Staats
lstaats@rmselca.org
Adult Volunteers
Oct 26, 2010 8:30 AM
Oct 26, 2010 2:30 PM
Healthy Boundaries...Healthy Relationships
House of Prayer LC, Richfield, MN
Jo Mueller
j.mueller@mpls-synod.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Nov 5, 2010 7:00 PM
Nov 7, 2010 1:00 PM
Youth & Adult Training for Sky Ranch, CO Congregation & Council Leadership Together
Linda Staats
lstaats@rmselca.org
Sr High Youth, Adult Volunteers
Nov 10, 2010 6:00 PM
Nov 10, 2010 8:00 PM
Nuts about Nets: Celebration of Compassion
Central Lutheran, Minneapolis Jo Mueller
j.mueller@mpls-synod.org
Jr High Youth, Sr High Youth, Adult Volunteers
Nov 19, 2010 4:00 PM
Nov 21, 2010 12:00 PM
SW MN Synod Junior High Youth Gathering
Holiday Inn, Willmar, MN
Sarah Hausken
sarah.hausken@swmnelca.org
Jr High Youth
Nov 19, 2010 6:00 PM
Nov 21, 2010 1:00 PM
Senior High Youth Gathering
YMCA, Estes Park, CO
Linda Staats
lstaats@rmselca.org
Sr High Youth
Dec 1, 2010 4:00 PM
Dec 4, 2010 11:00 AM
Ecumenical Youthworker’s Summit
Disneyworld Resort, Orlando, FL
Rev. Bill Bixby
bill.bixby@elca.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Jan 14, 2011 7:00 PM
Jan 16, 2011 1:00 PM
Jr High/Middle School Gathering
Crowne Plaze, Colorado Springs, CO
Linda Staats
lstaats@rmselca.org
Jr High Youth
Jan 20, 2011 12:00 PM
Jan 21, 2011 4:00 PM
Extravaganza 2011 Intensive Care Courses
Hyatt - Kansas City, MO
Todd Buegler
todd@elcaymnet.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Jan 21, 2011 7:00 PM
Jan 24, 2011 12:00 PM
Extravaganza 2011
Hyatt - Kansas City, MO
Todd Buegler
todd@elcaymnet.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Mar 21, 2011 1:00 PM
Mar 23, 2011 1:00 PM
Youth Ministers Retreat for Profossional/Paid Staff
Rainbow Trail Lutheran Camp, Hillside, CO
Linda Staats
lstaats@rmselca.org
Adult Professionals
Jun 12, 2011 12:00 PM
Jul 2, 2011 11:00 AM
Summer Seminary Sampler
Trinity Lutheran Seminary
Laura Book
lbook@trinitylutheranseminary. Sr High Youth edu
July 1, 2011 3:00 PM
July 5, 2011 12:00 PM
Western States Youth Gathering California Lutheran University
Arne Bergland
berglrand@callutheran.edu
Jul 10, 2011 12:00 PM
Jul 30, 2011 11:00 AM
Summer Seminary Sampler
Trinity Lutheran Seminary
Laura Book
lbook@trinitylutheranseminary. Sr High Youth edu
Feb 8, 2012 12:00 PM
Feb 9, 2012 4:00 PM
Extravaganza 2012 Intensive Care Courses
Sheraton - New Orleans, LA
Todd Buegler
todd@elcaymnet.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Feb 9, 2012 7:00 PM
Feb 12, 2012 12:00 PM
Extravaganza 2012
Sheraton - New Orleans, LA
Todd Buegler
todd@elcaymnet.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Jul 18, 2012 3:00 PM
Jul 22, 2012 12:00 PM
ELCA Youth Gathering
New Orleans, Louisiana
Gathering Staff
Gathering@elca.org
Sr High Youth
Jan 24, 2013 3:00 PM
Jan 25, 2013 5:00 PM
Extravaganza 2013 Intensive Care Courses
Hyatt - Anaheim, CA
Todd Buegler
todd@elcaymnet.org
Adult Volunteers & Professionals
Jan 25, 2013 9:00 PM
Jan 28, 2013 2:00 PM
Extravaganza 2013
Hyatt - Anaheim, CA
Todd Buegler
todd@elcaymnet.org
Adult Volunteers, Adult Professionals
Submit your event information and find the latest event info at www.elcaymnet.org/mastercalendar. 17
Sr. High Youth
On The Way by Bill Bixby
In late June, I was way-blessed to hang out with the community of Affirm, the Southeastern Synod’s extraordinary, week-long discipleship and leadership ministry with youth and adults. That community gathered this year around the theme “Image”— exploring our baptismal calling as a people made in God’s image, remade in the image of the crucified and risen Christ, and given to a world-full of neighbors as a sign of wholeness and resurrection life. There were over 300 young folks, grades six to twelve (with a few older ones), at AFFIRM 2010. And, there were over eighty adults, some younger, some older, and a few older still. Did you get that?
This definition of effective youth ministry will keep on calling us to more creative, more daring, more intentional ways to pass on faith and to carry out ministry in home-places, in local assemblies and communities, in diverse youth ministries small and large. With youth and adults. Faith-walking together. *Here’s a bodacious claim: a number of ELCA synods, sometimes in partnership with schools and camps, have week-long (or longer!), inclusive, praise-centered, cross-generational, mission-attuned, values-driven, theologically sharp, programmatically innovative, apprenticeship-fostering leadership ministries with youth. I think they comprise the most important youth ministry renewal movement we have in our church! What do you think?—let me know at Bill.Bixby@elca.org.
In this intensive community of praise and learning and play, there was a youth-cherishing, engaged, faithful and still faith-seeking adult for every four young people.
Bill Bixby, who has been an ELCA pastor for twenty-two years and a blessed-by-youth minister for even longer, lives and serves in Chicago, IL as Director for Youth Ministry. From 2000 to 2007, Bill served (and sometimes taught at) two ELCA seminaries in a lively project of theological and vocational discovery with teens.
In fact, the strong pattern these days in formation and leadership development ministries like Affirm*, and in forms of congregational and synodical youth ministry, too, is to include more, and more different kinds, of adults. Cross-generational ministry is nothing more—and nothing less!— than a commitment to be God’s many gifts/no walls Church! That is, to claim and to live out the mutual blessing, mutual up-building and mutual challenge that youth and elders can offer each other, centered in “... one Lord, one faith, one baptism... ” (Ephesians 4:5). In her newest book Almost Christian, Kenda Creasy Dean writes: “Peer groups have their place in ministry, but when churches mimic the age-stratification created by a market-driven culture, discipleship formation suffers... Teenagers reporting high degrees of religious devotion did not get that way on their own: their faith is the legacy of communities that have invested time, energy, and love in them, and where the faith of adults inspires the faith of their children.”
18
h
istry n i M
istry
Ecumenical Youth Worker Summit Faith Lens On-Line Bible Studies (www.elca.org/faithlens) Youth Gathering/Leadership Events
g
lt Ministry u d A
Journeys for Youth and Young Adults (www.elca.org/camps/journeys) International Counselor Program Outdoor Ministry Curriculum
Campu
sM
inis try
You n
Outdoo r Min
You t
ELCA Youth & Young Adult Ministries
Lutheran Student Movement Imagine Yourself (www.elca.org/imagineyourself) @ELCAYoungAdults Twitter
ELCA Vocation and Education 8765 W. Higgins Rd. Chicago, IL 60631 www.elca.org/ELCA/Youth-and-Young-Adults.aspx 19
August 2010 Campus Ministry/Student/Communicators Conference Over 180 sites at Public & Private Non-ELCA Colleges and Universities
ELCA Youth Ministry Network 11821 98th Pl. N., Maple Grove, Mn 55369
20