It’s Time to Face the Flawless Leaders in Your Organization

by Aurelia D. Gardner

As a society, we have been conditioned to think that imperfection is not only a sign of weakness, but it is both undesirable and abnormal. To compensate, we instinctively, and often subconsciously, hide our personal shortcomings-- from others and ourselves.

AURELIA D. GARDNER is the founder and CEO of WIB Strategic Solutions, LLC - a Woman-Owned Small Business that offers professional services to include program management, Requirements Development & Management and Conscious Leadership Development.

WWHEN BEYONCÉ came out with her song, “Flawless,” it was a defining moment in pop culture. Whether or not you agree with me, it is now eight years later and people still point to this song as an anthem of self-empowerment and acceptance.1 Who can resist singing, “I woke up like this! Flawless!,” and not feel energized?

While I’m a big fan of Beyoncé (and this song in particular), I feel this message has been taken out of context. The problem is that the concept of flawlessness has itself been idolized to the point that self-acceptance has been transformed into self-elevation at all costs. We are conditioned to ignore our shortcomings while succeeding “by any means necessary”. Embracing our imperfections is important but we are simply not motivated to be self-aware nor make necessary life changes by a society that promotes flawlessness. Such a flawless mentality is self-sabotaging in all areas in life. As business leaders, being flawless can prove detrimental to the very livelihood of the organization. Being able to examine your own behaviors and attitudes and adjust as necessary to maintain the

influence needed to keep the team focused on strategic goals is paramount to effective leadership. The world has changed, and leaders need the skills required to navigate this new landscape. People don’t leave companies, they leave bosses…and they are leaving in droves!! It’s time to take a good, honest look at your organization, prioritize the outstanding but still maybe “flawed” leaders and give them the tools they need to create cultures that people flock to, cultures that allow your employees to thrive. It is imperative that leaders acquire the skills needed to actionably receive and process feedback. If organizations are to successfully navigate this new horizon of employees choosing well-being over perceived stability, our leaders must look for nonproductive behavior patterns and have enough self-compassion to acknowledge that personal areas of self-development not only make them human but places them on the true path to flawlessness. Sustainable organizational transformation can happen, but only with deliberate intention from the organization, the individuals and a steadfast investment by both in cultivating the best version of the leadership team, one leader at a time. The High Price of Perfect In their study titled High-Impact Leadership Development, Bersin & Associates (2008) emphasized that leadership development in an organization results in: ■ A 67 percent increase in the ability of the organization’s members to work collaboratively; ■ A 73 percent increase in employee retention; ■ Becoming 84 percent more effective at raising the quality of the leadership “pipeline;” and, ■ A 66 percent improvement in the organization’s results.

But what happens when your leaders do not recognize, or worse yet, are penalized for recognizing areas for development? Open your eyes and look around. There is a pandemic of business leaders at the top of their game, leading highly successful lives, who are secretly suffering from crippling levels of stress, depression, and other major health issues.2 Research suggests that the rate of depression for business leaders is actually double the rate of the general population.3

Why is this happening? Are business leaders and entrepreneurs more vulnerable because of the stresses of work and the traits that have helped them achieve success? Are they just more likely to be caught in a conflict between work and personal obligations, personal values versus company goals?

While we cannot be certain of all the factors behind this trend, what we do know is that years of social media conditioning and the constant pull of our mobile devices have left us disconnected from ourselves and others.4 Social media and the flawless mentality breeds unrealistic expectations and amplifies them. People, especially high-profile people, are feeling pressured to constantly perform for a broad audience-- and many have proven themselves to be good performers.

But the reality is that life is not a Facebook highlight reel. Too many highly successful folks are out there secretly feeling like failures because in real life they can’t really live up to the false, flawless narrative they have created for themselves.

A while back I met with an old friend of mine-- smart and successful by most standards. On the surface, she seems carefree and happy, the life of the party, but it is just an act. Without warning in the middle of our conversation she admitted to having suicidal thoughts. She then proceeded to tell me in vivid detail about her attempt to take her life. The thoughts and feelings that she described were dark, and I was unprepared for them. I remember feeling sick to my stomach... and angry. MY friend of all people was ready to give it all up. Why? For what?

The crux of the issue is that even when we have achieved success and accomplishment, many of us feel torn. We feel torn between our personal and professional lives, torn between who we are on the inside and who we project ourselves to be on the outside. As an organization, a question that we tend overlook the most is “how are our leaders showing up”? How does this flawless leadership mentality show up in the workplace? Are your leaders able to thrive and inspire during times of volatility and uncertainty? It’s hard to trust, empower, set boundaries, and demonstrate empathy when you are only judged by your latest success. How do leaders take the time to coach and mentor team members when the stakes are high and only one goal matters…get the job done!

Another huge problem with the popular version of flawlessness floating around these days is that it gives people permission to keep to the status quo and to ignore or resist meaningful feedback from loved ones and co-workers. Instead, we accept the inner discord as a mere fact of life. “Well, what can I do? This is just how it is.”

All of this apathy to our inner turmoil and the denial of our imperfections or shortcomings is one of the greatest roadblocks to creating healthy relationships-- with ourselves and with the people we lead.

Absent of such healthy relationships, we can’t possibly have a successful, fulfilling professional life. Absent of healthy relationships, like all great empires, businesses crumble. From Flawless to Transformative Flawlessness in its most real and empowering form is having the self-awareness and courage to be yourself, to strive to be perfectly you. The instant we let go and stop trying to play a role that turns us into somebody we are not, we experience freedom. We are free to show our true colors, our unique inner power, experiences, talents, and abilities. This freedom is infectious within organizations!

When we can align this power with our personal and professional goals, with self-love and respect, free from fear and self-judgment - That is when magic happens, this is when transformation and true buy-in to company visions happens from the grassroots. We can then work to reach places we never thought were possible. We can clearly see the path ahead and have the space and awareness to truly connect to others, while bringing them along for the ride.

Instead of following the flawless leader lurking in the shadows preventing us from blossoming to our full potential, we can become transformative leaders. Our clarity, energy and passion can thus inspire positive change, growth, creativity, and ownership in those who follow us. This is the natural outcome of being real. The 4 Pillars of Transformative Leadership In short, transformative leadership requires being good at both relating to ourselves and others. To get to this place, we need to hone four critical qualities: Self-Awareness, Emotional Intelligence, Relatability, and Openness.

Though it may seem these are overlapping elements, there are some subtle, important differences to be aware of: 1 Self-Awareness and Personal Growth The very first step to being ourselves and to living an authentic life that is consistent with our values and goals is the art of self-reflection. We need to have the courage to look our flawed self in the face: the good with the bad, the pretty with the ugly, the normal with the crazy. What are her fears, concerns, and anxieties? What motivates him? What is holding them back? The goal is to try to understand what that voice is telling us.

We can then begin the process of freeing ourselves from instinctual defensiveness and removing the unconscious masks we have been hiding behind. We will be empowered to make the changes needed to cultivate the business life and the relationships that inspire people to engage and excel.

2 Emotional Intelligence Self-awareness is the foundation of emotional intelligence, which is the ability to recognize, understand and manage our own emotions and respond in a positive, constructive way to the emotions of others. Enhanced emotional intelligence allows us to discover and embrace our limitations and grow in response. As a leader, it then becomes easier to understand, empathize and embrace the limitations of those around us. We will also be better equipped to guide them on the right path, making them feel like included and valued members of the organization.

Plus, personal awareness and self-confidence are magnetic properties. When we are on a personal path of self-awareness and self-improvement, we become role models and a source of inspiration. Healthy organizations start with the best version of their people! 3 Relatability While self-awareness is critical to being a successful business leader, it is only part of the equation. We must also be willing and able to connect to others. This is a two-way street that puts all of the above awareness into action. When we ask someone, “How are you doing?” We need to make an effort to listen to the response and ask some follow up questions.

We should communicate our values and beliefs and be tolerant of the beliefs of those around us. As we get in touch with our own intrinsic value, we need to remember the intrinsic value of others and show our appreciation. The more we appreciate people and their impact, the easier it becomes to relate to them.

One last point: we need to pick areas where we are willing to let our guard down, areas where we can express our weaknesses and flaws. Once we give ourselves permission to not be perfect, it will naturally be easier to open ourselves up to others and reveal some of the areas where we are still a work in progress. Showing vulnerability allows others to be vulnerable and just maybe feel comfortable asking for the help they need to start

solutioning in more creative, collaborative ways that positions the organization to meet the operational demands with gust rather than fear and turmoil. 4 Openness and Transparency That brings us to the last quality: being genuine and honest with ourselves and others.

When we believe that we are flawless in an unhealthy way, we are simply not open to receiving feedback from others. Instead, we may go to great lengths to block out feedback and ignore signs that we may need to adjust our thoughts or behaviors.

However, when we try weaving some relatability and honesty in our conversations, those we are leading will know that they are not alone in trying to navigate this thing called life. Such openness on the part of leaders generally encourages openness in those who they lead. This can in turn bring about greater awareness and clarity all around. We also need others for feedback to set us straight and to see the things we cannot see ourselves.

Let’s face it, individual mindset and behaviors breed culture and culture is impactful to business success. With the right attitude, allowing your leaders the grace to acknowledge imperfections can become the seeds of self-acceptance, development, and growth throughout your entire organization. If you can remember this and pursue it, your organization will not only advance, it will blossom from within.

Notes:

1 – Kornhaber, S. c2014. The Atlantic [Internet]. Beyoncé’s ‘Flawless’: The Full Story. Available from: https://www.theatlantic.com/entertainment/archive/2014/06/the-full-story-of-beyoncesflawless/373480/ 2 – Sahadi, J. c2018. CNN Business [Internet]. Depression in the C-suite. Available from: https://edition.cnn. com/2018/09/30/success/ceos-depression/index.html 3 – Pillay, S. c2019. Chief Executive [Internet]. When CEO Depression And Anxiety Trickle Down Into A Company. Available from: https://chiefexecutive.net/when-ceo-depression-and-anxiety-trickle-down-into-acompany/ 4 – Amatenstein, S. c 2019. Psycom [Internet]. Not So Social Media: How Social Media Increases Loneliness. Available from: https://www.psycom.net/how-social-media-increases-loneliness/