The Book of
Brad
1
1Fifty
thousand, five hundred
not outside myself.
thousand, five million years
7These
visions must pass through
ago, anyway recently, the
my lens and despite the rigorous
world’s mind was shaped into a new
attention I have paid to polishing there
mold: 2She was launched to the depths
remains a mulish flaw on my glass. 8O
of desolate space.
Redeemer,
3Who
molded? Who is She? Who
if
I
have
erred
in
transcribing, Redeem me! 9I emerged to
shaped?
speak of substance not shadow.
4For
three days and nights in the
10Let
those who have ears hear.
2
cold womb of a cave these three questions were answered in three visions, 5the colors of which no spectral eye has seen, the pitch of which no
1Vision
the First: Jared was
the son of an eighteen-year old model and a forty-nine
year old plumber, who was very blunt
ancient ear has heard, and the flow of which has never entered the human
with most customers, but very skillful.
heart,
2His
6a
heart modeled after the
body was a breadloaf sprouting
crocodile limbs and a bowling ball head.
pumping of the Perfect Mind, which is
1
3On
a day between Spring and
black squirrel approached him on
Summer, the plumber, at the home of a
pinkish feet.
winemaker, sunk into a trance while
hands, palm up, in a pantomime of
crouched under a marble sink, gazing at
“Nothing” but the squirrel stood on
the seamless union of a brass Y-piece
hind legs, expecting.
and a straight copper pipe. 4He had
shadow reared up from behind.
always noticed that fit but never really
there was the girl, one leg a bit shorter
noticed it before, the fit, and it occupied
than the other, with lips that blushed
his mind for some time, whereupon,
when she smiled, and glorious fingers
breaking out of the trance and finishing
that fed nuts to the squirrel and
his work, 5he told himself, crazy or not,
possibility
to finally conquer his celibacy by the
immediately introduced himself and his
time his body suffered a half-century.
predicament.
6He
gathered a three-fingered stack
10The
to
plumber raised his
the
14She
11A
very faint
plumber.
12And
13He
introduced herself
and her predicament:
15a
hot-headed
of cash and began to beat about the
photographer found a blemish—left
streets asking every short-haired, lanky,
hand, fourth finger, she was a hand
glittering, dour, fitful, evil-eyed, shiny
model—during a recent shoot and
and hapless woman to perform an act of
pronounced her unfit to capture, unfit to
mercy and charity, which would be well
be paid.
paid. 7There were no takers.
her just as she closed her front door and
8Dejected
and forlorn, the plumber
16An
aggressive bee had stung
greeted the morning—rent was due
found a lovat park bench and sat staring
soon.
at cracks in the concrete, enticed by the
17The
stories of weather and time they told. 9A
plumber flashed his bills; the
hand model escorted him to a nearby
2
hotel—but at the front desk they found
stutter breaking into his voice as he
no vacancy.
asked if they could get started.
18The
manager, a thin, tan,
23The
elegant woman with lapis lazuli all
hand model didn’t answer, just patiently
down her neck, thought this couple
continued, letting a very good silence
should not be turned away,
slip into the room.
19and
so,
24He
felt a surging
gathering all reserves of goodwill, she
energy amp up all within and without
lead them to a room of last resort, a
him and could contain himself no
room wallpapered deep orange and
longer. 25He tackled and pinned the girl
smelling of wet garbage and cat piss and
to the ground, and she, having finished
gonging with the loud knocks of vents
her rites of enticement, giggled and
and pipes.
panted and moaned the whole way
20After
disrobing but before the Act
through.
26The
transaction
was
the hand model took two indigo mittens
completed seven minutes later and they
out of her purse, held them to her lips,
never saw each other again.
chanted
under
her
breath
and
27The
next Summer a rap-rap-rap
reverently, leisurely, slid them on her
bloomed on the plumber’s home door
hands.
stood on the edge of the
and upon answering he found a sallow
bed, facing the wall, and dipped her
cheeked newborn in a wicker picnic
mittened
imaginary
basket, a note pinned to the purple
fountain, splashed imaginary water over
blanket covering him up. 28The plumber
her face and body and opened her arms
made the compassionate choice; after all,
to imaginary space as if in salutation or
the baby had cute stubby arms, half-
acceptance.
plumber sat boxered
moon cuticles, and in the midst of
on a chair, confused by her rhythm, a
brown locks a passionate shock of white
21She
hands
22The
in
an
3
hair. White. How white? 29The
never knew a mother.
white of a noon cirrus
6The
plumber had always been a
the white of a cresting wave tip
very parsimonious man, and had enough
the white of bonfire ash
money to quit his job and move to a
the white of young birch bark
modest rural farmstead where they
the white of an archangel’s aura.
3
grew pears and apples and grapes, and where he attempted to raise Jared in
1Jared
was a callous and
astonishing child.
an
this over, had come to believe that every
infant, he never cried when a
event of his life, from infancy to
doctor poked a needle in his arm, never
adulthood, from the most mundane
wailed when his stomach hurt, never
moments (caught in a traffic jam) to the
cooed when the plumber rocked him,
half-second shimmers (remembering a
never grabbed at an object in anyone’s
great dream in a traffic jam),
hands.
his
primed him for this single task: the
surroundings and stared into the eyes of
cultivation of a child. 9The plumber
the plumber when his diaper was
realized it was his life’s true purpose.
changed or a bottle was stuck in his
His overflowing heart did the best it
mouth. 4His eyes were large and chrome
could.
3He
casually
2As
quasi-isolation. 7The plumber, thinking
scanned
blue and his hair grew and curled like
10Two,
three, four. Jared didn’t seem
the branches of dead trees in mystical
to
bogs that surround a grim castle. 5He
believed his unique mental development
never lost the white shock, proudly
was the result of a defect in the genes, a
displayed on the crown of his head, and
missing link somewhere or, God forbid,
4
learn.
8had
11Initially,
the
plumber
a mutation.
12But
it soon became
or a cow or the arc of a rainbow-shaped
obvious, after close observation, that
word. 17He did not understand windows
Jared
experiences
and timidly felt their solidity at different
methodically and with a kind of ruthless
points on the pane, as if it was a
dispassion for his own safety, testing
hologram, a trick of light that a hand
this or that specific variable in the same
could pass through.
general
experience
an easy expression of disinterest on his,
outcomes.
13What
conducted
his
for
different
was the hypothesis?
18He
usually wore
getting chubbier, face.
The plumber hadn’t a clue, he just kept
19In
light of this behavior, which he
trying to love him, thinking it would
was helpless to control or prevent, the
solve everything.
plumber reasoned that Jared would have
14At
five, still not talking, Jared
great trouble connecting with people,
burned his right index finger on the
maybe even with his own self.
stove, and as soon as the plumber had
his great fear that Jared would never
tended to the burn with ointment and
have a stable “I,” that he would fail to
band-aids and stern warning words
distinguish between what is Me and
15Jared
what is Not-Me, the healthy schism of
went off and did it again, on the
20It
was
same finger but different hand, having
the within from the without.
turned the temp down from 350° to
what if he identified with the whole
150°. 16He would remove magnets from
world and the whole world identified
the fridge and attempt to instigate a
with him and the plumber didn’t know
flow from standing water, the course
how to live like that.
determined by the shape and surface
22Seven,
area of various magnets—a watermelon
eight, nine.
21Instead,
23One
night, a
Friday with crisp autumn wind, the
5
plumber peeked in his Jared’s room and
tilted in towards him. 29Jared, squinting
saw him sitting up in bed, wide eyed
like the sun had risen at the wrong time,
and focused on something far away.
chose his first words: “Father please
24The
shut off that lamp. It throws up stupid
plumber, responding to an urge
from an unpinpointable source, entered
shadows.”
the room and began to speak to Jared
30Eleven,
twelve, thirteen. After a
about the intricacies of the work that
failed foray into homeschooling the
once concerned him, work he had to
plumber reluctantly caved to Jared’s
give up once Jared was born—25the
request
benevolent union, all those peacock
classroom.
shades of Housewife, the burning smell
and on the inaugural Monday his first
of freshly cut PVC, the beauty of a new
class was World History. 32The teacher,
shining nipple.
walked back and
an obese woman with gray hair pulled
forth, to and fro, gesturing with his
back in two ponytails, asked him to read
arms and shoulders and hips.
aloud
26He
27After
a
for
a
a
31He
proper
and
public
entered seventh grade
passage
in
the
required
time the plumber saw that Jared was
textbook; Jared shunned the suggestion
sound asleep, succumbing to strange
with a polite wave of his hand.
lullabies. He spoke a few weeks later.
teacher repeated the directive, adding
28On
that the order was non-negotiable.
that night, a balmy Wednesday,
33The
the plumber woke up to a sharp crack,
34Jared
walked downstairs in the darkness and
read,” he said, “Words just stand in for
stumble-flicked on a light: the house
stuff. I don’t want a stand in. I want the
plants were in a circle with Jared in the
real stuff.”
middle; the bookcase and end tables
first firecracker, preceded him in every
6
wasn’t pressured. “I don’t like to
35His
reputation, from that
classroom, and it wasn’t long until his
42“Jared,
will I die before I am
teachers taught as though he was a
married?” asked a math geek with
vacant desk or part of the wallpaper
thumb-thick glasses.
pattern. 36At
“Don’t worry about what kind of lunchtime, however, out of the
clothes you have in the closet. Or how
constricting grasp of the classroom, 37Jared
you sleep.”
was free to read bodies and
43“Jared,
my throat is always sore.
buildings, voices and food, space and
Can you heal me?” asked a willowy
time—and he flashed upon the outlines
track star.
of events both imminent and far-flung,
“I’ve said it before and I’ll say it
an innate talent nurtured by his
again. Who cares what you eat? It’s
experiential childhood. 38He reported on
what you throw-up.”
these events to no one in particular, just
44“Jared,
how can I learn to do what
reported, and those who eavesdropped
you do?” asked a bald kid with a
upon him would watch as a prediction
slingshot in the front pocket.
came true: 39the breakdown of a vending
“Look out your window.”
machine or the breakout of a fight; the
45Eventually
a cadre of self-selected
piercing scream of a curse; the steal of a
students (Jared never consulted with
kiss or an orange; the change from rain
anyone) installed themselves by his side
to sunshine and back again.
and organized the frenzied mass at
40Soon,
those who became convinced
lunchtime so he could see as many
of his abilities began to inquire about their own future lives.
41He
people as possible.
read their
46He
signs—he wanted to do what he could.
sat alone at a table at one end
of the lunchroom, left alone by the
7
teachers, and a single file line resolutely inched
forward
whatever
as
humdrum
he or
questions were put to him.
instead of regurgitation.
answered
51In
far-fetched 47He
the
hallways,
a
peaceful
sideways glance or respectful step aside
ended
carried more significance than “How’s it
every Q &A the same way:
going?” or “Excuse me, you’re in my
“Recognize that I have not helped
way.”
52Students
began to view each
you. Remember it was you who helped
other as not-other, and so were less
yourselves.”
attracted to naked displays of bullies
48The
spoke,
certainty with which Jared
the
unhesitant
tone
and bitches and principals, more willing
and
to sacrifice high grades for a day in high
otherworldly confidence of his voice
grass.
(more so than the actual words),
53The
school was incensed at this
converted all those who were formerly
new lack of dependence.
conditioned to believe that being a
the
human being meant never-ever enjoying
approached the plumber and demanded
that kind of conviction.
he bar Jared from attending, for they
49The
cumulative effect of that
living presence took its toll.
50In
cause
of
the
54They
chaos.
knew
55They
had no legal grounds on which to
the
banish him.
56The
plumber didn’t
classrooms students began to answer
understand the anger of the school,
questions (What are the mechanisms by
didn’t
which the earth’s geography changes
affected
over time?) and debate problems (the
dominant
extinction of the gold standard and the
translated into non-action, was that if
rise of fiat money) with imagination
he loved something then he had to give
8
understand everyone thought,
why so.
Jared 57His
and
had single
what
he
up controlling whatever he loved. 58The
school,
naturally
beyond the limits of his individual
furious,
enforcement, the capacities of which
concocted a quick scandal (involving
were
Jared’s assault on a group of teachers
capacities of the two were determined
with a hammer), and once the right
by three, and the three determined by
witnesses were bribed in place it was
five, the five by eight, eight by thirteen,
impossible to refute.
thirteen by twenty-one.
59So
in a great
public assembly, amid cheers and jeers
65The
of teachers and students, Jared was
and
expelled
66On
posthaste,
64The
primary enforcer is infinite.
Tuesday night, Jared found a
brown body and dull yellow beak
60Sixteen,
a
two.
still-warm dead bird on the sidewalk, its
posthaste.
found
by
Let those who have ears hear.
expunged from all written school records
determined
seventeen, eighteen. He
job
as
a
pointing to a huge brick house with
neighborhood
green
shutters.
67He
followed
his
watchman walking among the exurbs
intuition up the steps, rapping his
that had popped up around his home
knuckle three times on the heavy door.
like the acne on his face.
68It
61He
liked his
opened with a sensual whine and
solid blue uniform and shiny black shoes
there She stood, lithe arms outstretched,
and sparkling white star stitched to his
beckoning him into the house, leading
chest. 62All he did was walk and observe
him through the minimalist living
and he was good at it, often reporting a
room—one black leather couch and a
crime before it happened, but he was
wall-sized fresco of the Sun—and into
prohibited from doing anything other
the soft candlelit dining room. Twelve
than reporting said crime.
people with simple smiling faces sat on
63It
was
9
one side of a long oak table.
69“Would
74“Were
you like to stay for supper?” She asked,
presence of such evil?”
biting her lower lip. “Sure, sure,” he
“What do you think should be done
said. “Just let me make a phone call.” 70He
you scared to be in the
with Her?”
called and reported his crime
75A
doctor surged through the
and sat down to eat so as not to raise
crowd and sidled up to Jared’s ear,
suspicions.
whispering fate: he would be dead in
71After
a few moments of silence,
three days from a poison that was
where She and the twelve stared at the
coursing with indomitable life through
ceiling, not blinking, She bestowed on
his blood.
him the first cup of tea from a large red
oversized chair by the bedside, was
pot and as he brought it to his lips and
inconsolable.
tasted licorice and peppermint and
horse rush of the mob, chomping on
jasmine and a hint of something
Jared’s every breath for a bit of quotable
malicious, a door crashed open and all
speech.
went black.
merely soaked up the presence of the
72He
awoke the next morning in a
plumber’s—his bowed head, his folded
hospital bed, the room filled with an
hands, his voice occasionally asking
inconsiderate mob that flashed and
Jared if he needed a glass of water.
popped question after question.
79And
73“How
does it feel to capture a mass
76The
78But
77He
barely reacted to the
Jared did not speak. He
he realized for the first time the
plumber’s Love.
murderer? What was She like?”
plumber, sitting in an
80Jared
was goddamn
ashamed he did not feel the Love of his
“How did you know what She was
father before, but he felt the Love now
up to? What led you to Her house?”
and he gave the Love back.
10
81The
4
final minutes: after the last
impatient questionnaire had left from frustration and resentment, it was then that Jared spoke,
82his
words tangled
and awkward, spilling out into a babble
black hair. Black. How black? 2The
black of octopus’ ink
the black of a coal cloud
in one, but his last breath was coming
the black of charred skin
and with that last breath some coherent 83words
the Second: She had
the black of a deep cave
of eight conversations looped together
words came to his lips,
1Vision
the black of a homicidal heart.
he did
3Jared’s
call led the authorities to
not form and did not bother to think
Her home. 4She gave Her short, svelte
about how they had been formed, he just
body over calmly and with exquisite
said them, feeling himself a puppet and
grace, and the arresting officers later
knowing that the puppeteer who had
testified that She was nothing but polite
hidden all his life was now revealing
and self-effacing. 5An immediate sweep-
itself and pulling the right strings at the
search
right moment:
revealed an operating room in the
84“She
of
Her
ten-bedroom
home
shall be changed and yet
basement; an observatory in the attic;
remain the same and set to the stars to
and an insulated laboratory in the three-
outshine their flame.”
car garage where She constructed Her
85He
and
died with his eyes half shut,
the
wonderment
plumber, and
consumed grief
and
incredible machines—a billionth of a
by
meter wide.
love,
6In
Her
bedroom
they
found
watched as the body and bed dissolved
volumes of detailed notes explaining
together like water in water.
Her
11
inventions,
Her
goals,
Her
methods. 7When pressed to confess by
fast poison that killed them inside thirty
the authorities She replied with a snake
seconds, smooth and painless.
sounding “Yes” and that syllable was
13Immediately
after cessation of
the last that slipped from Her lips for
“life,” and before rigor mortis set in, She
the whole of the trial. 8She defended
began a series of operations in which
Herself with sweet strong silence.
She injected 50cc of Her machines into
9She
was brought to an ancient
the arc of each foot, in the back of the
amphitheater by the sea and judged by a
knees, each hip joint, in the palms of
panel of seven learned philosophers and
both hands, the crook of each elbow and
scientists,
armpit, and finally, behind both ears.
persons.
and
10The
twelve
vernacular
world flocked to this
14Then,
with utter silence and devotion,
stage, for Her transgressions were so
She implanted four incredibly powerful
strange and unnatural that it compelled
microchips in the brain, two in each
people to pilgrimage and experience
hemisphere of the neocortex.
Her in the flesh, in their hands.
microchips,
11This
once
activated
15The
and
was Her crime: attempting to
transmitting Her instructions, would
eliminate, unequivocally and forever,
jumpstart neuroelectrochemical activity
soul from body, spirit from voice, mind
by sending out a burst of signals
from
designed to mimic the flow of ions along
matter—to
create
a
shadow
without substance. 12This
the requisite channels in the nerve cell,
was Her means: She killed
allowing the synapses to branch out and
each of Her twelve victims with a toxin
fire again in three dimensions, as before.
extracted from the skin of a puffer fish
16The
and mixed with a cup of herbed tea, a
messages,
12
microchips also relayed Her via
electromagnetic
signature, to the machines previously
for the safety and action of its
injected, and their first collective task
autonomic functions, could easily offer
was to reanimate cellular activity, in a
itself up to external control, Her
manner similar to the nerve cells, and
control.
revive the fundamental process of cell
21If
division and repair. 17In
across the room, pick up a polished
the beginning, the machines,
programmed
She wished a victim to walk
for
ivory vase and throw it at against the
self-replication,
wall,
22She
simply
initiated
the
powered themselves by converting the
microchips to begin ionic flow and fire
chemical reactions inside cells to usable
up the neural nets associated with vase-
mechanical energy.
throwing
18Eventually,
they
(memory,
motor,
vision,
would use the hydraulic and mechanical
future planning, among others). 23These
energy of the heart as the system-wide
neural signals then rippled down to the
power plant. 19After a two or three hour
hypothalamus and were converted into
period, an especially stressful time for
chemical messengers which sent the
Her, the feedback loop between the
instructions to cells located in the area
body and the brain would be re-
concerned with the initiated action—the
established, bringing automatically back
victim would walk across the room and
on-line the functions of the nervous,
pick up the vase and throw it against
endocrine,
the wall, and voila.
muscular,
and
immune
systems. 20At
24She
this point, the body, totally
dependent
on
the
microchips
could calibrate Her victims to
do anything—laugh, cook linguini, walk
and
on hands, draw a sunrise, juggle. 25They
machines (rather than consciousness)
could smell, see, taste, touch, and hear—
13
information She readily collected and
thin fingers struggling with a heavy
processed—but without a mind they
wrench. 33And Bart would be crumbling
could not build continuity of experience,
feta cheese and breaking olives, tossing
and so no memory, no thoughts, no self.
them
26They
34Suddenly
were meat machines, organic
into
a
very
green
salad.
Simone would stop folding,
robots, incapable of anything but pure
Phil dusting, Ian struggling, Bart
physical process.
had to monitor
tossing, and they would freeze, tremble,
Her new beings very closely at the start,
collapse, rise and run to Her with hot
but inevitably, a self-sustaining merger
tears and shout, “Who Am I? What is
of metal and flesh stood before Her.
my name?” 35She gave them a motherly
28She
hug and a tender frown and invited
27She
rechristened Her twelve victims:
Zebby, Ian, Petoria, Simone, Jane, Andy,
them
Larry Z, Phil, Bart, Martha, Jimmy, and
development over a cup of tea.
Jude.
killed them all twelve times each, after
29An
the
unforeseen problem crept in:
spontaneous
consciousness.
emergence
30Simone
would
which,
about
miraculously
and
this
to
new 36She
Her
bafflement (She never did solve the
be
problem),
they
never
individually
recovered consciousness.
dryer, tall piles of symmetrical little 31Or
talk
of
folding the warm washcloths out of the
squares.
to
37When
She was arrested the twelve
Phil would be dusting a
were stuck on basic autopilot—no
grand piano, delicately brushing the
instructions were incoming, yet the
cloth over the keys, following the
machines
motions with his eyes.
Ian would
molecular work—and were set down, by
be fixing a pipe leak in the basement, his
the panel, next to Her, as a silent and
32Or
14
carried
on
important
grotesque example of what She had
holding such a perspective.
done.
world’s mind the collective perception
38However,
on the day Her
of
regained a sentience of a qualitatively
embedded that nothing could dislodge
different order,
through the
it, 46and the mere announcement of Her
twelve bodies but congealed in one
punishment seemed a formality, an
voice.
empty ritual, for in the end it was not an
40They,
character
was
so
in the
punishment was set to be leveled they
39diffused
Her
45But
deeply
or rather, THOU, boldly
opinion of the panel but an outgrowth
stood up in front of the panel and spoke
of the world’s united will, so much so
to the world on Her behalf.
that it did not need articulation—it was
admitted
that
THOU
41THOU
did
not
unconsciously assumed.
47The
world
understand what THOU was or how
shouted THOU to silence and the panel
THOU
responded with due speed; the twelve
got
understood
here,
enough
situation at hand.
but to
42THOU
THOU
grasp
the
were summarily shut down.
begged the
48This
was Her punishment: Her
world to take off their glasses, their
technology would be used against Her.
shoes, their hats, and put on Her’s.
49She
43THOU
but more insidiously and without a first
asked the world to release the
would be changed like Her victims
damaging belief of Her inhumanness,
death.
and the consequences inherent in that
autotrophic world unto itself, a true
belief.
tried to tell the world
meld of machine and mind existing in
that THOU did not wish to force people
perfect symbiosis. 51She would not need
to adopt this perspective; THOU only
to breathe, to eat or sleep, to maintain
wanted the world to see the effects of
Her body temperature, to repair Herself.
44THOU
15
50Her
body would become an
52She
could exist in a vacuum.
53A
ignored.
hexagon pod would be constructed and
“Well,
She would be sealed in naked, airtight,
I
should
design
new
specif….” Halted in mid-stream.
and launched into space, where, it was
“Well, I should des….” Getting
universally hoped and wished, She
better.
would float forever with the relentless
5“Well,
anguish and torment that accompanies a
“We….” Thought stopped as it’s
mind confronted by eternity. 54When
I sho….” Better.
formed.
asked by the panel if She
“?” Pressure of a thought.
understood the punishment, She folded
6“…”
Her arms across her chest and spoke up
“?” No thought pressure.
loud and said, “I’m not deaf.”
7After
5
Hardly any thought pressure.
this
inner
chatter
was
mastered She noticed that once She did 1A
kind of time passed.
2Adrift
in
hexagon
sound unto itself, like the plops of
adrift in space, the body no
different rocks thrown in a pond. 8She
longer a point of worry, She quietly
started to think not in words but in
focused down and started to pay
shadows-sounds of words, in due course
attention.
becoming adept at thinking harmonious
3She
the
allow a thought to occur it had a unique
noticed that She
could control Her little and big and
thoughts
stupid and profound thoughts, and
dissonance. 9But once, in the midst of a
even stop thinking entirely.
cacophonic passage (She was thinking
4“Well,
I
should
design
and
canceling
out
the
new
about Her crime) She thought She
specifications for that….” Thoughts
noticed a deeper melody beneath the
16
clashing noise.
10She
concentrated and
chest and biting his tongue and She saw
listened hard for a mellifluous strain and
all the terror, dread, and helplessness
the dissonance was replaced by a low
there was to see in his face. 19But in the
lucid buzz all within and without her.
next magnificent moment She beheld
11She
was suddenly outside the pod.
him in a new light and he beheld Her
12She
looked at Her hands and saw Her
hands but knew, just knew,
13that
and they beheld each other.
She
20Let
those
moment stunned Her.
22For
who have ears hear.
would only see Her hands when She
21The
thought about wanting to see Her
the first time She had seen what death
hands.
might actually be, and She felt compelled
14As
She acclimated to the buzz, She
to do whatever was in Her power to
began to enjoy Her newfound freedom
ease the pain of transition, mitigate it
outside the pod. 15She drifted around the
somehow, make it more relaxed, hushed,
universe and witnessed the compression
less
of planets, tiptoed along an event
everything.
horizon, mingled with the hearts of red
to Her body, and concentrated on
giants, befriended lonely pulsars, and
expanding that initial lucid buzz into
even, once, visited Her home.
16She
something greater, a fuller sound,
reclined on the top of a tree and
thinking that somewhere in there would
leisurely took in a hectic downtown
be a part of an answer.
district. 17A dark-suited man with wavy
stressful,
24Black
23She
for
everyone
and
returned to Her pod,
holes ate stars, galaxies
blonde hair started to cross the street—
collided and recalibrated their orbits as
and he had a heart attack.
was
She worked, as she made the buzz
lying on the concrete, clutching his
bloom, 25up throughout Her body, from
18He
17
toetips to crown point, and She passed
had internalized that there was nothing
into and out of endless expressions of a
more joyous, more blissful, than being
constant central sound,
the Sound!
the Sound—but since that entailed
was the sound that enthused Her, it
Annihilation, the second best thing was
was the sound that guided Her, it was
to create with and from the Sound. 7So
the sound that stabilized Her, moving
She decided to create a world, a world
from scale to scale, building in intensity
modeled after Her home, but not with
and speed,
its
27It
26O,
28gradually
becoming a
tendency
toward
decay
and
single tone, subsuming every cell in Her
devolution, hostility and hatred. 8Inside
body, She could feel that,
was the
Her creations She would plant a note of
last thing She felt, before She was
Herself so that all things would be
Annihilated by the totality of the Sound.
connected to Her, as She was connected
30She
29it
stood before a door. She
to the Sound. 9That was all.
opened the door. 31She
10She
the Sound.
6
11She
spoke; that’s how She created.
did not say, “Let’s have some
clowns over here and a fish or two here 1Vision
the
Third:
She
and a thunderstorm out here.” 12She did
thought that She wanted to
not say, “Lights. Camera. Action.” 13She
see Her hands and She saw
did not say, “Ice should be slick, and the
Her hands. 2In this way She broke from
curious must love me.”
the Sound. 3The state She was in cannot
14Her
breath intruded upon the
be surmised. 4The place She was in
blanket
cannot be circumscribed. 5The plan She
interaction of Her breath and the
formed, however, can be described: 6She
blanket
18
of
a
matter
thing
and
from
emerged.
this
15The
emergence of the thing depended on
First Breath, a spiral that, initially,
Her mood and the mood of that part of
blooms outward with fantastic pace,
the blanket which would be that thing.
then tapers to moderate speed before
16Even
unwinding in long slow whorls.
though the blanket was finite
22Yet
Her moods were infinite and no two
the spiral did not unwind forever; it
things would be alike. 17Every thing She
reached
created became double bonded to Her
where—like the inhalation of a breath—
abstractions, to Her nothingness, to Her
it reversed its movement, mirroring
fullness, and to its own detail, its own
itself,
fact, its own incarnation.
picking
18Her
things
an
23now
unpinpointable
place
condensing long and slow,
up
speed
exponentially,
were free to choose which other things
collapsing into the original center point,
they
24only
would
19Things
like
to
mingle
with.
interacted to such an intimate
to emerge into a new spiral,
which blooms outward only to be
degree that many new things began to
ultimately
form, and though these things were still
inward.
a part of Herself, She was no longer the
things, all interactions at every scale.
only Creator.
26She
20She
discovered that the evolution
inverted
25This
concrescently
pattern governed all
realized it was a natural law, one
She was previously unaware of.
27She
of Her things followed a strangely
Herself was subject to this breath and
uniform movement: once She breathed
this spiral (She is still sitting in the
into emergence a thing (a grasshopper,
hexagon, now and forever), to its
the color pink, death),
contractions and expansions and cycles.
21it
evolved like
the movement of a spiral, so to speak, a
28And
spiral that has its origin point in Her
though She was helpless to
prevent them, She did not like these
19
certain recurring arcs in Her spiral, 29wherein
38The
7
the things She had created
became profoundly disconnected and alienated from Her.
30She
reasoned this
state of affairs rested largely on the choices, the interactions, of the things
3I
was every part of Her world and
4I
5I
mind populates 6I
that belong to the mind, but not images,
am shameless
am hidden from you and appear to all.
the dream environment with images
35These
am a baby lemming and
I am ashamed.
environment of a dream is malleable in
exclusively.
2I
am the father of my mother and
can be likened to a dream. 33The
34The
the twisted root of all sin.
offspring.
yet She did not have control over it.
the face of mind.
am sinless and
the husband of my sister and she is my
every part of Her world was Her and
32It
1I
the fox jaws clamped on its throat.
with themselves and with each other. 31She
dream dreams itself.
am Her. I am Brad.
once
7I
live in the village of Vallon-Pont-
created, will grow, evolve, and re-create
d’Arc, named after the great stone arch
themselves
carved out of the rock by the river
and
their
environment,
under their own power. 36Eventually the
Ardèche.
dream images are not fully subject to
mountains to the east and eventually
the malleability of the prime mind, and
meanders
in
image
surrounded by very high cliffs that drop
requisitions part of that malleable
straight down. Occasional caves are
power. 37Soon the mind ceases to dream.
found.
fact,
each
individual
20
8The
into
river starts in the
the
Rhone.
9It
is
10My
village is small. In the center
is a moderate castle.
11Some
oxen that pull my father’s heavy plough.
barns,
My mother named them Henrietta and
houses, and a few trade shops cluster
Jim.
around it, and beyond are the plowed
or write, but they recognize my gift and
fields and pastures. 12The land is rolling
encourage me and love me nonetheless.
and deep green and the soil is rich and
20My
21My
father and mother can’t read
mother tends to her little
fertile and the weather is warm in the
garden, to the potatoes and cabbage and
summer, cool in the winter, and
peas and leeks and spinach and garlic.
although it snows often, it is never thick
22She
and suffocating. 13At times, mostly from
trouble doing the things she wants
the north-northeast, a strong cold wind
them to do.
blows through.
land and know every stream and tree
14My
father
countryside.
15He
farms
in
the
has knotty elfin hands that have
23I
hunt berries around our
and road and stone in my village.
has light gray eyes
24Our
house has a thatched roof and
and walks with a limp. He’s told me
just one room. 25We have two windows
why but I have forgotten. 16He does not
but they are very thin, not much sun
owe heavy labor service to the lord of
gets in.
our village, but the land is still shared.
outside than inside.
17He
hearth in the center of the room for
plants wheat and barley, oats and
26It’s
often warmer and lighter 27We
use the stone
legumes, and every season he rotates
heating and cooking.
the crops so the soil stays fresh. 18After
cooks the vegetables from her garden
the harvest some of the land becomes a
into a thick pottage, and sometimes she
communal cattle-grazing ground.
goes into the village to buy salted pork
19We
have some sheep and goats and two
28My
and bacon as an extra treat.
21
mother
29We
are
hungry sometimes.
father loves
will soon be here. 40I don’t like festivals,
my mother with a giant chunk of his
with their jousting knights and pale
heart. My mother loves my father with
jesters. I don’t like checkers or dice. I
a giant chunk of her heart. I see this.
don’t like foot races with the other kids.
31The
30My
sundial says it’s around ten in
41My
parents are patient with me.
the morning, and my mother is weeding
42They
her garden, then maybe milking the
have spells, that I write left-handed.
goats.
43My
32She
also has to make some
know I am not quite right, that I
first spell was at five, when I stood
bread from the barley and rye, baking it
next to my father as he hammered a
in the hearth until it comes out in dark
metal rod into a hole in the ground
heavy loaves, I love the smell.
33My
behind our house, and as water gushed
father is touching up the plow in his
out I suddenly felt a spinning inside and
shed, replacing the wooden edges with
everything went black. 44I woke up next
metal ones.
to the hot fire in the hearth.
34Later
he’ll have to repair
45It
wasn’t
the roof: a spot over the hearth sank in
until I was ten that they told me I was
last night because of serious rain.
talking in a new tongue.
35They
told them how often I have had these
both try to keep the house as
clean and warm as they can.
46I
have never
36My
spells or that during them She teaches
mother had six stillbirths before me,
me how to write and draw and read the
and I barely made it. 37There is a broad
spiral.
meadow on our land that is filled with
47I
wildflowers. 38I am now thirteen. 39It
have shared what I have learned
from Her with my parents, over many
is June and the spiral is
glasses of milk, and have told them that
condensing and the Midsummer festival
I will share with others, all those who
22
will listen, and even those who will not. 48I
have written down these visions as a
testament to Her and all that sounds from Her. 49This sheepskin parchment I have soaked and stretched and scraped and dried myself. 50I made this quill pen from the five feathers on the right wing of a goose.
51And
despite their fear of
my future, my parents, in an act that echoes Her love for Her creations, sacrificed a choice slab of pig for a bottle of ink on my last birthday. 52So
I will take these visions with
me wherever I go, and if they are burned at the stake next to me or thrown with my corpse in a pit or locked away in a deep vault they will never disappear.
53For
I have spoken, I
have written, which means they are forever here and now—one only needs to remember. 56Let those who have ears hear. 57Allo
Mohalla Equi Numinous.
23
24