Elliot Harris
OUR CONNECTION WITH THE MODERN WORLD AND ITS IMPACT ON
LONELINESS
Loneliness increases the likelihood of mortality by 26%. (Holt-Lunstad, 2015)
THIS BOOK WI YOU FEELING WILL IT FIX IT, WILL HOPEFU HELP YOU UN AND ENABLE THE RIGHT SO YOU AND THO YOU TO TAL
ILL NOT STOP LONELY, NOR , BUT WHAT IT ULLY DO IS TO NDERSTAND IT, YOU TO FIND OLUTION FOR OSE AROUND LK ABOUT IT.
BUT WHY ARE WE SO
LONELY?
CONT— ENTS
— INTRODUCTION
OUR CONNECTION WITH —
—— THE ENVIRONMENT
—— TRANSPORT
—— TECHNOLOGY
REFERENCES
INTRO — DUCTION
—
Our Connection With The Modern World And Its Impact On Loneliness presents an ambitious exploration into our most subjective existential crisis. The book is comprised of 3 chapters, aiming to explore, engage, probe, prompt and provoke understanding, awareness and discussion around the subject of loneliness. Chapters 1 & 2 look at the impact of the ‘real’ world through exploring our connection to the Environment and Transport, whilst the final section looks into the impact of the ‘digital’ world through our connection with Technology, and how these connections may have led to a time where loneliness has become an epidemic, especially amongst younger people. The first two chapters explore the ‘real’ world through photography, creating a narrative to tell the story of how our connections have impacted our feelings of loneliness, whilst the final chapter uses illustration. Within these chapters, there is an underlying theme which emerges throughout beyond merely the subjects that are explored throughout each chapter, seeking to provoke thought about what may lie beneath our continued battle with the existential crisis of loneliness.
Each chapter is packed full of imagery, creativity and personality all of which aim to remove the stereotype and stigma that surrounds loneliness and the people it affects. The personality of the book comes from a series of quotes, highlighting everything from wit, empathy, understanding, as well as cynicism, which form the basis of the imagery used throughout. Many of these quotes also come from music, taken from lyrics in songs, which evoke feelings that go hand in hand with the subject that is being explored. The lyrics taken from these songs are implemented into the book through a series of Spotify codes which can be found and scanned throughout the journey of the book, adding an interactive element which promotes sharing, and highlights the power of music to connect people, an idea that is at the heart of alleviating our feelings of loneliness. Whilst the book presents a very visual exploration on the theme of loneliness, the contents of the book are founded and informed by a substantial amount of research into the field of loneliness, consisting of recent articles, studies and books, much of which is comprised within the book itself.
WHAT IS
LONELINESS?
– Kate Leaver
Kate Leaver’s blunt summation of what loneliness is perhaps the best way in which it can truly be defined. Loneliness is subjective, a personal experience stemming from one’s emotional state, lack of desired affection, closeness, and social interaction with others. Mental health charity Mind list that most people describe being lonely because “they simply don’t see or talk to anyone very often” or “they don’t feel understood or cared for”, “even though they are surrounded by people.” The Campaign To End Loneliness lists these as different types of loneliness, emotional loneliness and social loneliness, all of which are of course completely personal and the reason why loneliness is such a bastard of an epidemic.
The Environment, the surroundings in which we live and operate, where we watch as time passes by, as seasons change, and places seem to change just as quickly too, whilst our lives do likewise. The environment defines how we live, how we grow, the people that we become and the person we want to be, it holds the key to our relationships, our aspirations, and as such the environment of course has a huge impact on the feelings of loneliness that we encounter throughout our lives on planet earth. The following chapter explores the connection that we hold with the environment that we inhabit and the places where we live and breathe, seeking to find what effect the environment does have on our experiences with loneliness, and the reason for them having such an impact. The chapter is comprised of a series of very distinctive sections, in which the music used throughout complements each, adding narrative and allowing the chapter to tell a structured story about the transition from childhood to adulthood. The chapter includes sections on Weather, The Suburbs, and The City, adding and building to the theme.
The photography used throughout this chapter shows the world through the first-person perspective of a camera lens, yet feels intentionally withdrawn and disconnected from the world that is being captured, which speaks to the vulnerability and feeling of being distant that is felt by those who experience the existential crisis of loneliness. Finally, the following chapter will also allow you the time to reflect at certain, undefined points throughout, which are determined by the music and the pace at which you seek to explore the story of this chapter of the book.
THE WEATHER
“ MORNING! TODAY’S FORECAST CALLS FOR BLUE SKIES ” – MR. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra
– MR. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra
– MR. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra
Why does the weather have such an impact on our mood, our emotions and our feelings of loneliness?
The weather defines our days, changes our plans and has the power to affect our mood. The sun tends to bring most of us outside, basking in glorious sunshine together, the rain drags us back indoors, whilst the cold prolongs our captivity for months, but is it really that simple? Indeed, winter is recognised as one of the biggest causes of loneliness as well as being one of the most dangerous times for anybody who is suffering from it. The recognition of the season as such a prevalent cause in our feelings of loneliness has even led Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) to be often referred to as ‘winter depression’. However, Seasonal Affective Disorder is a very different prospect, it “is a type of depression that comes and goes in a seasonal pattern”, not only the months of winter. Whilst it is recognised by the NHS that SAD “often improves and disappears in the spring and summer”, Physiologist Stanley Loewen has found that the true cause of SAD is a lack of light, and a resulting lack of vitamin D, meaning cloud cover and rain in any season can affect our mood. So, does that mean that the hottest, sunniest, day of summer
will likely make us all happier? Not according to Psychologist Dr. John Grohol, who finds a “link between human aggression and higher temperatures” resulting in intergroup conflicts also tending “to jump — by 14 percent”, and interpersonal violence rising by 4 percent, all of which could cause periods of division and isolation. The rise in aggression is also found to be similarly caused by heavy rain, whilst life satisfaction was also found to decrease, as a result of ‘cabin fever’ felt by the isolation of remaining indoors. It is clear that the weather has a big affect on our mood and our feelings of loneliness, yet, the true weight of its significance as raised by Grohol is as surprising as it is alarming. Grohol finds that suicide has a seasonal pattern, with suicide rates peaking during spring and summer, a “constant, if not a universal behavior that affects both the Northern and Southern hemisphere.” But the big question is why? Why do so many feel there is no way out during the warmer weather? Is it that they become more isolated, whilst also seeing people out socialising in the sun? Why do we allow the weather to define how we live?
– MR. Blue Sky, Electric Light Orchestra
Clouds gather, looming overhead, Closing the door where light once shed.
According to studies and charities, such as, Campaign To End Loneliness, loneliness increases the risk of dementia. Whilst dementia may often be thought to mostly affect the older population, the effect that loneliness can have on the brain can lead to an increasing risk of dementia in later life, and as such is a cause for concern for even the younger population.
– I Am The Rain, Pete Doherty
– I Am The Rain, Pete Doherty
Pete Doherty’s song merges personality traits to that of the weather, most notably the rain, but could the rain encapsulate our loneliness too? Like the rain, loneliness is often an experience we hate and fear, with good reason too, yet, loneliness can also lead us to look at things more deeply, whilst spending more time thinking, which are very important when we are lacking the connection that we seek with others. This series of images explores the disdainful beauty of both the rain and our loneliness through the photography of one of the most mundane occurrences in everyday life, puddles. Could finding beauty in the things we normally regard as unwanted occurrences or take for granted help us become less lonely?
WINTER
“ Are the days of winter sunshine just as sad for you too? When it is misty in the evenings, and I am out walking by myself, it seems to me that the rain is falling through my heart and causing it to crumble in to ruins. ” – Gustave Flaubert
“ OH THE SHAME THAT SENT ME OFF FROM THE GOD THAT I ONCE LOVED WAS THE SAME THAT SENT ME INTO YOUR ARMS” – Winter Winds, Mumford & Sons
pesti
gone, no h overcome
ilence won lost hope no hope e� – Winter Winds, Mumford & Sons
OPUP
IT’S HA
PEN UP
ARD TO
SHAME AROUND IT REALLY TOXIC DAMAGING” – Olivia Laing
Olivia Laing, author of renowned book The Lonely City, expresses her own personal view on what makes loneliness such a horrible feeling, the shame and taboo that comes hand in hand with that feeling. “Loneliness feels like such a shameful experience, so counter to the lives we are supposed to lead”, Laing states in her book, before heartbreakingly speaking of the fear that this experience makes us feel more unwanted, more unattractive, more lonely. But as Laing discusses in her interview with the magazine Elle there is absolutely “nothing to be ashamed of”.
As various studies allude to we are all likely to feel lonely at some point in our lives, so why do we feel shame around experiencing our own existential crisis? We need to encourage more people to open up and share their feelings, but for those who have suffered chronic loneliness, a crippling fear of rejection makes opening up almost impossible. So what can we do to stop it? Can we be more supportive to our friends, family, colleagues, can we engage with people we meet, can we be more friendly and kind? These are just small steps but they could make a big difference to someone’s life.
“ YOU CAN LOOK AT WINTER TWO WAYS, YOU CAN SEE IT HOW YOU DO NOW, OR YOU CAN FLIP IT ON ITS HEAD”
THE SUBURBS
“IN THE SUBURBS” – The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
“ PLAYGROUNDS BECOMING BATTLEGROUNDS”
Action For Children’s 2017 report, It Starts With Hello, which looked at loneliness in children, young people and families, found that “levels of loneliness peak during adolescence, with up to four-out-of-five young people reporting feelings of loneliness at some time, and almost a third describing these feelings as persistent and painful.” During this time in a young person’s life, school becomes a battleground as “social relationships shift”, puberty creates “major physical and emotional changes”, “increased self-consciousness and pressure to conform.” During this time, a young person is likely to explore romantic relationships, whilst those who have not are “likely to report being lonely”, which could also be a result of the increased social pressure.
“ IN THE CLASSROOM, SUBJECTS ARE TAUGHT, LONELINESS IS LEARNT”
Action For Children’s report also highlights that those who suffer from loneliness during school will “tend not to participate in class or get involved in extracurricular activities”, and will likely “spend most of their free time at school on their own.” Yet, perhaps most alarming is the finding that because “they are withdrawn or reserved, and cause no real trouble, teachers can fail to spot their distress.” Loneliness can be difficult to spot so what could be done to ensure it is identified?
Ic pas Ic pas
I’m I’m – The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
can’t believe it st the feeling. can’t believe it st the feeling
“ THE KIDS WANT TO BE SO HARD BUT IN MY DREAMS, WE’RE STILL SCREAMING AND RUNNING THROUGH THE YARD” – The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
IT MEANT NOT
THING”
– The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
I’m I’m
Ic pas Ic pas ni
can’t believe it st the feeling. can’t believe it st the feeling ight” – The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
– The Suburbs, Arcade Fire
time
I wo waste it again Waste it again again. I forgot to
back. wasted
back. ould love n. n again
o ask.”
– The Suburbs (Continued), Arcade Fire
CHANGES
“ THE ONLY CONSTANT IS THAT EVERYTHING CHANGES WITH TIME”
“ LONELINESS AMONG YOUNGER PEOPLE IS HUGELY UNDER-REPORTED” – Isabella Goldie
That’s the view of Isabella Goldie, Director at the Mental Health Foundation, who believes this to be especially the case when considering the findings of the charity’s research, which shows “that social isolation affects the mental health of young people more than any other age group.” Action For Children’s report, explains how “young people over 18 are susceptible to loneliness because of the many changes they are experiencing.” Amongst the experiences that the charity points to as a cause of loneliness are; “leaving home, going on to further or higher education or training, seeking employment, moving on from familiar friends to different social and professional networks, and perhaps forming their own family.”
Such findings are reinforced further by research conducted by Relate, who compared loneliness in different age groups (16-24 to 65 plus), and found it was “the youngest respondents, people aged between 16 and 24, who were most likely to experience loneliness”. However, despite all of the overwhelming evidence to support that young people are the most lonely of the population, there is a lack of recognition and also a lack of advertisements in the public’s consciousness to support and campaign on behalf of young people who feel lonely. It is critical that we do more to support young people, at a time when they are still discovering who they really are, whilst going through changes in their lives, changes which will define them.
One of the biggest changes in a young person’s life comes when they leave school, in particular, higher education, with many then going off to university. Whilst this is meant to be an exciting time for a young person, university can also be one of the leading causes of loneliness, as Action For Children explain. “University students often say they feel lonely because of moving away from family and friends and the environment and community they have known.” This is also further reinforced by a survey on student mental health, which found loneliness to be “the fifth most important out of ten ‘grand challenges’ faced by university students in the UK.” For many, the experience of university is perhaps best summed up by Catriona Harvey -Jenner, who in her article for Cosmopolitan states that “with university comes change; and with change can come feelings of vulnerability, loneliness and insecurity”, a fitting summation.
Harvey-Jenner also raises an important issue which may add to the feeling of loneliness and shame that is felt by students, in which she explains that “there’s an expectation you’ll love the independence university brings, and an element of shame if you don’t – a combination of which can turn into a recipe for silence.” Yet, Harvey-Jenner also finds an alarming correlation between this experience and a dramatic rise in anxiety, pointing to data released by the Higher Education Statistics Agency in 2017, which shows a “210% increase in the number of students who left university as a result of mental health issues between 2010 and 2015”, a startling statistic. So what is being done to help students who are vulnerable to such experiences? The University of Sunderland and many other Universities offer support to students, while both York and Loughborough University even offer advice on their website, yet the numbers continue to rise.
CHILDREN YOU SPIT ON TRY TO CHANGE THEIR WORLDS‚ IMMUNE YOUR CONSULTATIONS THEY’RE AWARE WHAT THEY’RE GOING THROUGH” – Changes, David Bowie
Bowie’s lyrics act as an emphatic response to the discrimination of both loneliness and the young people that are affected by it. A recent, unnamed article in The Guardian stated that it was no surprise that young people made up the loneliest of the population, as they could not a hold a conversation longer than a text message. Such remarks stereotype young people and worse still, the most vulnerable amongst them in a way that is as harmful as discriminating on the basis of race or sexual orientation.
Likewise, loneliness is often stigmatised, with one notable and shocking example being a sketch on the The Late Show with Stephen Colbert, which mocks the UK government’s appointment of a Minister for Loneliness, an important role created in the legacy of the late MP Jo Cox, who passionately campaigned to end loneliness before her murder. Both examples go to show just how much stigma surrounds loneliness and the young, and the change in attitude still needed.
“ BRITAIN IS THE LONELINESS CAPITAL OF EUROPE” – George Monbiot
Monbiot’s words refer back to a government survey carried out in 2014, which found that Britons were “less likely overall to know their neighbours or have strong friendships than people anywhere else in the EU”, something which in the events of the past 4 years (the last 2 in particular) appears even less likely. In the survey, “Britain ranked 26th out of the 28 European Union countries by the proportion of the population who say they have someone on whom they feel they could rely if they have a serious problem.”
These figures could perhaps be expected to have grown in the years since, especially for young people given the attitude and negative stereotypes that young people feel they are often labelled with, as The Guardian’s article Teenagers on loneliness makes all too clear. Adding to an already strong sense of mistrust is the current political climate, most notably Brexit, which has left many young people feeling disillusioned with the older generation, and less likely to turn to them for support.
THE CITY
“ LONELINESS IS COLLECTIVE; IT IS A CITY” – Olivia Laing
“ The city reveals itself as a set of cells, a hundred thousand windows, some darkened and some flooded with green or white or golden light. Inside, strangers swim to and fro, attending to the business of their private hours. You can see them, but you can’t reach them, and so this commonplace urban phenomenon, available in any city of the world on any night, conveys to even the most social a tremor of loneliness, its uneasy combination of separation and exposure.”
– Olivia Laing
“ I WOULD LIKE TO LEAVE THIS CITY”
– Half The World Away, Oasis
“ THIS OLD TOWN DON’T SMELL TOO PRETTY” – Half The World Away, Oasis
“ I CAN FEEL THE WARNING SIGNS, RUNNING AROUND MY MIND” – Half The World Away, Oasis
“ I CAN FEEL THE WARNING SIGNS, RUNNING AROUND MY MIND” – Half The World Away, Oasis
Still scratching same old h My body feels my mind ver
g around hole. s young ry old.”
– Half The World Away, Oasis
HOSE IN YOUR SOCIAL ENVIRONMENT” – John & Stephanie Cacioppio “ THE PERCEPTION THAT YOU ARE SOCIALLY ISO
YOU HAVE SALUTARY CONNECTIONS WITHT
PERIMETER - A DANGEROUS PLACE FOR A SOCIAL ANIMAL, OLATED MEANS THAT YOUR ARE ON THE SOCIAL
BECAUSE YOU DON’T HAVE THE PROTECTIO
TABLE FOR ONE?
BRIDGES
THEY CONNECT US DISCONNECT US
“ AND WHEN I LEAVE THIS PLANET YOU KNOW I’D STAY BUT I JUST CAN’T STAND IT” – Half The World Away, Oasis
“ I CAN FEEL THE WARNING SIGNS, RUNNING AROUND MY MIND” – Half The World Away, Oasis
The biggest killer of men under 45 is suicide, with “84 men taking their lives each week�. Loneliness is recognised as a known factor in suicide, with the warning signs of loneliness common place in the build up to suicide. A lack of relationships with friends and family, feeling shame, not having anybody to talk to and the fear of rejection are prevalent in both loneliness and suicide. Such warnings are recognised by charities Mind, Befrienders Worldwide and Campaign To End Loneliness. Suicide prevention means loneliness prevention, as if we can stop the latter then we can also stop the former too. Whilst men are said to be most vulnerable to committing suicide, it can affect us all. So what can we do to prevent loneliness? Can we talk to our friends or family members about how we or how they are feeling, even if we sometimes feel uncomfortable about opening up and having such conversations? Can we be more supportive and not put so much pressure on those most vulnerable, be understanding rather than critical? Another link between suicide and loneliness is that both are now starting to be drawn into the public eye, yet more action is still required.
DIED OF A LO
ONELY HEART The devastating affects that loneliness can have on the brain are very clear, yet, the affect that it has on the heart is perhaps even more palpable. Loneliness is not only just a ‘heartbreaking’ experience to go through, but studies show that loneliness increases “blood pressure”, which could cause coronary artery disease, an enlarged left heart and heart failure. Research by the University of York also links loneliness to a “29 per cent increased risk of a heart attack” and a “32 per cent heightened risk of having a stroke.” So while it my seem like “dying of a lonely heart” may be some clichéd line, there are strong indications that it’s true.
STILL HALF THE WORLD AWAY
OUR CONNECT — ION WITH TRANS —
T N
S
Transport is at the heart of the modern world, so could it be that transport is also at the heart of loneliness? Transport gained true significance during the Industrial Revolution, yet interestingly, this defining period of change and mass industrialisation also correlates with the first major writings on loneliness, but why? Transport has become so ingrained to society that it is integral to the way we live, it connects us to the world we live in, allowing us to travel all over the world in search of that connection to people, place, objects and anything else that we may possibly desire. It truly defines our lives. We rely on transport for just about everything, from our education, to our work, to earn the money to live and fufill our lives, buy our goods and even interacting with others. Growing up, the idea of getting the bus, the train and then owning a car gives us a great sense of freedom, that we can go anywhere we wish and explore the world, so how could transport possibly impact our feelings of loneliness? Well, for the elderly population transport can have a big impact on loneliness, with various studies and charities, such as Campaign To End Loneliness, stating that a lack of
public transport can be a major cause of loneliness, making it even more difficult to get out and about. However, what are the negatives of transport for younger people? Transport undoubtedly allows us to connect to the wider world more easily, yet, transportation systems such as the motorways and railways also highlight how humans have continued to move further away from each other, meaning family members may now live hundreds or thousands of miles away. This is perhaps particularly significant for both the youngest and eldest amongst the population, as they are more likely to be unable to travel to see relatives or friends due to financial reasons and an inability to drive. Whilst the increased distance is an obvious factor, the following chapter explores the nomadic spirit of travelling, in the (very) everyday routine of modern life, eliciting the feelings that we get from driving on the motorway, or to work, waiting for a bus or a train and finally from flying to somewhere far away in search of something more. Dr. R Cuero best somes up nomadism and the feeling of loneliness, saying “loneliness inspired people to move around the world” but that “modern humans rarely satisfy this.”
CAR PARKS
Teasing us with glimpses of light from the darkness, Where signs of life can’t be too far away, But once inside these dark, cold, vast shells, Light illuminates nothing but more empty shells, When life appears, we sit impatiently, Watching, waiting, hoping for it to
LEAVE.
JUST A FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER FLICKER
PETROL STATIONS
Running close to empty, We stop to fill up our tanks, Ready to drain ourselves, Until we are empty again.
CARS, TRAINS & PLANES
Connection By Courtney Speedy
RWARD FO G IN V O M P TO S ’T N S E O D LIFE
AND THERE’S NO SLOWING DOWN
EVERYTHING’S MOVING SO
STOPS & STATIONS
We wait and wait and wait, yet it never seems to arrive, and when it does it’s always too late.
OUR CONNECT — ION WITH — TECH
T N
—
Technology, it has completely changed the world, and with that it has changed the way we engage and interact with everything in it, including each other. As a result, the finger is often pointed at technology for the negative effects that it has on modern life, including our loneliness. So could it be that technology is really to blame (or at least partly to blame) for the epidemic of loneliness? This chapter focuses predominantly on the supposed negatives of social media through a series of satirical, yet cynical illustrations, which are used to probe the impact of social media on our connections and relationships, asking much needed questions in regards to how such technology effects the way we interact with the modern world. Whilst exploring whether social media does cause us to feel lonely is critical in the search for addressing loneliness as a widespread epidemic, it is important to acknowledge the positive impact that technology has had and continues to have on modern life. Without technology this book could not have been produced, without the internet and social media this book could not have been informed by so many studies or opinions, nor could it have been inspired by the
creativity that other people share. The chapter will also reflect these positives, continuing the theme of taking inspiration from music, as well as from film, whilst also considering what impact hobbies such as gaming has on our feelings of loneliness. Like the preceding chapters, there is a theme which emerges throughout the chapter, aiming to provoke thought about the ways we use technology, as both a cause and solution to addressing feelings of loneliness in ourselves and to others around us.
GENERATIONS OF TECHNOLOGY FAMILY PORTRAIT
“ OUR CONNECTION TO TECHNOLOGY IS NOT ONLY DEFINING OUR RELATIONSHIPS, IT’S REPLACING THEM TOO ”
“ ALEXA, WHAT’S LONELINESS?”
“ OUR PHONE ADDICTIONS ARE CREATING A NEW DEFINITION OF LONELINESS” – Esther Perel
That’s the view of relationship therapist Esther Perel, which she gave during a discussion during Recode Decode, hosted by Kara Swisher. Yet, it’s also view that is held by many, including writer Sherry Turkle, who explores our relationship with technology in her book Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology And Less From Each Other. Turkle finds that everything from our relationships with our family, friends and partners are being affected, if not somewhat, replaced by an increasing use of technology, which has only risen in the 7 years since publication. Turkle likens such technology to a drug, explaining that it “is seductive when what it offers meets our human vulnerabilities”,
allowing us to feel in control of the relationships we have. This is also further explored by Turkle, who states that “insecure in our relationships and anxious about intimacy, we look to technology for ways to be in a relationship and protect ourselves from them at the same time.” Yet, what is most interesting in Turkle’s book is the comparison between the relationships adults and children have to the technology they use. Turkin states that “as adults, we can develop and change our opinions”, whilst in “childhood, we establish the truth in our hearts”, yet despite this, Turkin says that “often it is the children who tell their parents to put away the cell phone at dinner.” It seems we are being brought up alone.
ENGAGED TO TECHNOLOGY
The following pages contain references to Social media. Please proceed with caution.
The (RSPH) are calling for the introduction of a pop-up heavy usage warning on all social media platforms when users “breach a set level of usage deemed potentially harmful.� Users would then be given the option to carry on or stop using the platform. Such a measure is supported by 70% of young people, whilst 30% want to take it even further, in which users are automatically logged out after extensive usage.
The following pages explore the idea of social media warnings in an alternative way, warning about the platforms themselves and the experiences of using them.
ALWAYS
UNDER
SURVEILLANCE
Danger High Maintenance
“ EVERYONE HAS CURATED THEIR LIFE, MAKES YOU FEEL LIKE YOU’RE NOT LIVING RIGHT” – Same Dark Places, JR JR
Spending hours looking at the carefully curated lives of others on social media platforms, such as Facebook, can often lead to people feeling ‘Facebook envy’. Various studies, including one by the University of Pittsburgh, find that “the more time a young person spends on social media, the more likely they are to feel socially isolated”, pointing to a “distorted belief that others lead happier and more successful lives” as the cause. Whilst it is not yet known whether social media is the prime cause of this
isolation or simply enhances it, Susan Biali does offer advice on how to avoid experiencing it. Biali suggests avoiding been drawn towards scrolling through social media when having “a few moments to kill”, and logging out when you catch yourself drifting into the malaise. However, the most fascinating and important advice Biali gives is to consider how we can be more aware of the content we put up online, questioning whether we could be more considerate of how we present our own lives to others.
eeling blue?
“ THERE’S NO ONE CLICK SHORTCUT FOR EMPATHY” – Roman Krznaric
Roman Krznaric’s comment was a response to Mark Zuckerberg announcing plans to introduce an empathy button, dating back to 2015, describing it as “a quick way to emote”, enabling people to respond to posts, news and events when the use of the ‘like’ button is deemed inappropriate. However, as Krznaric states, the idea that empathy could be given, quickly, through the click of a button dehumanises such a feeling, making the action itself a meaningless one. The realisation that there is no button substitute for empathy is one that Zuckerberg eventually had too, with Facebook instead rolling out emoji reactions, yet, is there a way we could combine human emotion and technology?
COULD WE LEND AN EAR?
EVER
GOES DARK PLACES
RYBODY
S”
– Same Dark Places, JR JR
“ SOMETIMES IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT WHEN YOU THINK YOU CAN’T MAKE IT” – Same Dark Places, JR JR
SOCIAL SNACKING
Professor of Psychology, David Ludden paints a more complex picture regarding the impact of social media in his article for Psychology Today. Like Biali, Ludden points to results finding that “people feel lonelier—and experience drops in self-esteem—after using Facebook”, yet, his research highlights that it depends what you do on social media. Ludden finds that “people use social media as a substitute for in-person social exchanges”, in particular those who “suffer from social anxiety.” A potential lack of “social skills” may leave people unable to “navigate interpersonal exchanges”,with fragile networks and a failure to “support their need for connectedness.”
Ludden points to an article by psychologist Jenna Clark and her colleagues at Duke University, which warns of “two pitfalls in social media use”, the first being so called “social snacking”. This “involves activities such as browsing through other people’s profiles or reading other people’s comments without making any of your own”, in which people feel they like they are socially engaged. Luden likens social snacking to eating junk food, as the latter “makes you feel both bloated and empty afterward”, whilst the former “only leaves you with much time wasted and more loneliness than before.” Social snacking can perhaps be considered as big a pitfall as their second, self-comparison.
“Loneliness has around twice the impact on an early death as obesity” — Ian Sample
Loneliness might have around twice the impact on an early death as obesity, but the two combined could be even more deadly to our health. Eating disorders are another mental health condition which are strongly connected to feeling lonely and isolated. A correlation between the two has often been discussed, if not indirectly, yet in an article for the Huffpost, eating disorder therapist Jennifer Rollin directly connects the two.
Rollin states that when people feel lonely, they often turn to food to numb their pain, and despite providing “temporary feelings of comfort”, they can often lead to “higher anxiety and increased isolation in the long-term.” Rollin also states that the comfort felt by an eating binge, is quickly replaced by “shame and guilt.” Anorexia, on the other hand, allows people to feel more “calm through depriving themselves of food” and “in control” of their life.
Despite being at the opposite end of the scale, both anorexia and obesity, can have an equally devastating effect on feelings of loneliness and isolation, in which the deeper “someone gets into their eating disorder, the more that it starts to become their primary relationship.” This will isolate you from those who “you care about most and keep you from forming more meaningful connections.” Rollins advises that we turn to people instead.
“ THE CINEMA HAS THE POWER TO MAKE YOU NOT FEEL LONELY, EVEN WHEN YOU ARE” – Tom Hanks
“ CINEMA CAN FILL IN THE EMPTY SPACES OF YOUR LIFE AND YOUR LONELINESS” – Pedro Almodovar
THE (TWITTER) BIRDS
“ WE ARE BECOMING SHEEP AND SOCIAL MEDIA IS SILENCING THE MOST VULNERABLE AMONGST US”
“ YOU’RE FACE TO FACE WITH THE MAN WHO SOLD THE WORLD” – The Man Who Sold The World, David Bowie
Bowie’s lyrics perhaps resonate more today than they did at the time of the song’s release. The song is all about trying to find yourself and define who you are when you’re young, with Bowie stating “that song for me always exemplified kind of how you feel when you’re young, when you know that there’s a piece of yourself that you haven’t really put together yet. You have this great searching, this great need to find out who you really are.” The young population today do this whilst contending with the pressure and influence of social media to be popular, to look and act a certain way, to conform to the status quo. Today, the man who sold the world, may just be Mark Zuckerberg, and others who run such platforms, yet, without considering the responsibility to protect their users, and in some cases, even going as far as to exploit their vulnerabilities. Recent events revealing how Facebook impacted the 2016
US Presidential Election, is the biggest example of social media platforms abusing their incredible power to exploit users. However, perhaps the most concerning abuse of power for our mental health and loneliness, was the leaked documents from Facebook in 2017, which have gone somewhat under the radar. Rachael Pells article for The Independent, found that the company had “allegedly been found to exploit the moods of “vulnerable” teenagers at the benefit of advertisers.” The source of these findings is from confidential documents The Australian obtained, which show that “the company is gathering information on young people who “need a confidence boost” to facilitate predatory advertising”. According to these findings, “Facebook could determine when users as young as 14 feel “defeated”, “overwhelmed”, “stressed”, “anxious”, “nervous”, “stupid”, “silly”, “useless” or a “failure”, in what the company
calls “sentiment analysis”, which could be accessed and used by advertisers to potentially target the most vulnerable users. Whilst the report may contain allegations rather than concrete evidence to Facebook’s misuse of trust, the company’s response and apology, strongly suggest that they did indeed act in bad faith and that such exploitation had in fact taken place. In a statement, Facebook said “the analysis done by an Australian researcher was intended to help marketers understand how people express themselves on Facebook. It was never used to target ads and was based on data that was anonymous and aggregated”. The statement also explained that the company had established a “process to review the research we perform”, but on this occasion “the research did not follow that process”. Whilst a spokesperson says it is was an isolated case, evidence suggests Mark Zuckerberg has indeed sold out the world.
“ MIRROR, MIRROR YOUR CROOKED NOSE BORING HAIR THOUSAND WRINKLES” – I Get Overwhelmed, Dark Rooms
“ DID YOU HURT YOUR THUMBS? WHAT A STUPID GAME GETTING NOTHING DONE” – I Get Overwhelmed, Dark Rooms
These lyrics evoke the feeling of frustration and anger that can be associated with gaming, yet gaming is considered a hobby, so is spending time gaming a healthy way to alleviate feelings of loneliness, or does spending this time sat in front of a screen make these feeling even worse? Game Designer Tim Schafer has talked about his enjoyment of being alone, playing his video games, and disregards the links between gaming and loneliness, although his views are likely to be somewhat biased. Yet, Schafer’s view is shared by many, including Keiran Lacey, who shared his experiences of loneliness and depression with The Guardian, for the article Teenagers On Loneliness.
Sharing his experience, Lacey describes meeting his best friend “on a computer game internet forum”, leading to the start of a joint blog and live stream on the back of discovering a common interest in mental health. Lacey’s story starts to dispel the myth that gaming is a hobby that is socially isolating, whilst it also addresses young people’s interest in subjects beyond just mere juvenile, meaningless talk. The potential for video games to connect people is evident in Nintendo’s Wii and Switch game consoles, which are designed and marketed with an emphasis on multi-player gaming, with the former also encouraging players to do more exercise, suggesting that gaming can be healthy too.
It seems that gaming online with friends or strangers can be a good way to enjoy downtime, and a hobby to alleviate feelings of loneliness, however, what about gaming alone? The lyrics speak to someone almost addicted to gaming, with gaming addiction now classified as a disorder by the World Health Organisation, which describes “it as a pattern of persistent or recurrent gaming behaviour so severe that it takes “precedence over other life interests”. There are a number of symptoms to look out for such as “impaired control over gaming”, “increased priority given” and a “continuation or escalation of gaming despite negative consequences”. Should we put our controllers down?
WOMEN WANNA F*CK INTERNET WOULDN’T SECOND LOOK, FOOL YOURSELF? PRIVILEGE, POWER WITHOUT BUSINESS” – I Get Overwhelmed, Dark Rooms
NO
RIGHT SWIPES
“ TINDER CAN LEAD TO A MERRY-GO-ROUND OF PARTNERS, RESULTING IN A CYCLE OF DISSATISFYING BRIEF RELATIONSHIPS”
– Robert Whitley
Apps such as Tinder and Grindr have completely transformed the process of ‘dating’, so how has this incredible shift affected our feelings of loneliness? There are a variety of studies and articles on the subject, one of which is Robert Whitley’s article for Huffpost, which explores the link between Tinder and mental health. Whitley finds a number of potential shortcomings to using dating apps, ones which could be potentially dangerous for our mental health and loneliness. Tinder leaves “little space for users to list hobbies, interests or desirable characteristics in a partner”, leading psychologist Dr Jessica Strubel to state that Tinder has “a hyper focus on physical appearance and casual hookups”, which is an alarmingly superficial way for those hoping to find true love to find someone. Whitley acknowledges that “not everyone on Tinder is looking for casual sex” and that it can be a “powerful tool to meet people”, yet, the cost of rejection of using it can be damaging to our health.
Whitley finds “a very low rate of matching”, whilst messages are said to be “often crude and combative”. These experiences have in Whitley’s view, led some Tinder users to “question their physical appearance, their online conversational skills, and the general integrity of the opposite sex”, which can lead to undue self-monitoring for perceived flaws and defects”, all of which are big flashing warning signs that can lead to loneliness. The app helps to promote a “throwaway society”, making the “whole experience dehumanizing and damaging”, whilst knowing opportunities for romance are just one swipe away “can create intense anxiety”, “reducing mutual trust and respect”, and the most unnerving thing about the whole Tinder experience, exploitation. These findings are reinforced further by an article by Vanity Fair, titled Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse”, featuring a number of in-depth interviews with “twentysomethings”, which sheds light on certain themes.
The article describes how the app allows us to ‘hook-up’, but without becoming involved in a relationship, something which is seen to get in the way of an ever increasing need and pressure for young people to make money, which has potentially led to such apps becoming a numbers game rather than something meaningful. This is strongly suggested by the anonymity that emerges in the article, in which most of those interviewed knew nothing about their ‘date’ except for the name that appears on their profile. This may also explain why so many crude messages, and explicit images are sent on the app. The most unnerving of themes to emerge is, again, the one of exploitation, in which one of the men interviewed admits to using the possibility of a relationship in order to seal the opportunity for casual sex, but, this suggests something far more worrying, the human psychology behind using the app in the first place. This is the true pattern to emerge from the various articles and studies.
Do we sometimes just need to
? g lu p
“ BUT, IS THERE ANYTHING WE COULD DO TO MAKE SOCIAL MEDIA A MORE POSITIVE PLACE FOR EVERYONE EXPERIENCING LONELINESS?”
Whilst it may be important for us to just unplug sometimes, social media has a major influence on our lives, and whether you like it or not, it isn’t going away. Like all the technological advancements that have changed the way we live throughout history, there is pessimism which surrounds it, and a need to fully understand how to use it effectively in a way that truly benefits our lives. The advice given throughout the chapter provided a number of potential solutions, which will hopefully enable us to cope and navigate our way through social media, without succumbing to the feeling of loneliness. But is there anyway we can actually change social media without needing to disconnect from it?
The next series of spreads will introduce new ways that we can utilise the interactivity of social media in order to share our true selves with others online, whilst also promoting healthier ways in which we integrate our lives in the ‘real’ world to our lives online. Accompanying the book, is the introduction of the newly-formed Twitter page, @FEELCharity. The page encourages users to share their interests with each other, whilst providing a platform (or hub) where those who have read the book can go to discuss their feelings on the book or from their experiences with loneliness. As Kate Leaver writes, “If the internet is the cause of loneliness, it’s also the cure”, so lets make social media part of the cure.
DRAWING FROM OUR EMOTIONS
Social media does allow us to express ourselves as well as our emotions, yet the domination of social media on our lives has led to emotional expression in the form of small, rounded icons, or emoticons, known as the emoji. Emoji’s enable us to quickly show the world if we are happy, sad, or any number of emotions that we might feel, yet, each of these emotions must always be compartmentalised to fit the same shape and dimensions. But, emotions are not all equal, they fluctuate, they have no sense of scale, no sense of consistency.
So, what can we do to better express our emotions? Could we draw our own emojis? Drawing is the essence of self-expression as it allows to tap into ourselves and our creativity, both of which are incredibly important for our sense of well-being. Drawing can also allow us to share something of ourselves with others without the need to talk directly, it is a way of starting a dialogue when we feel unable to find the words to do so. If you would like to draw your own emoji and share it with others you can do by posting your creation on the @FEELCharity twitter page.
DRAW A SELFIE
In much the same way as the emoji, selfies have also become a major part of our everyday life, especially among young adults. According to recent reports that Tanya Goodin points to in her book Off: Your Digital Detox For A Better Life, published in 2017, “an average 20-something will take up 25,700 selfies in their lifetime and around 93 million selfies are taken worldwide every day” which Goodin describes as being “staggering”.
Goodin questions whether we are really seeing ourselves when we snap selfies, as we are surely “too busy calculating the right pose, and the right filter” and in this we fail to “appreciate the unique contours and particular geometry of our faces”. So as Goodin suggests, why not take the time to draw a selfie instead? As mentioned on the previous page, creativity can help us to really get in touch with and understand our inner selves.
So once again there is an opportunity to get creative and draw how you see yourself, to express yourself and then share your creation with others if you feel so inclined. Such activities embody the spirit of social media in a way that is hopefully fun, promotes creativity, participation and also requires physical action.
YOU HAVE CO END OF THE YOU ARE ON THE BEGINNI JOURNEY TO FEELINGS OF SO, WHATEVE TAKEN AWAY EXPERIENCE,
OME TO THE E BOOK BUT NLY JUST AT ING OF THE PREVENTING LONELINESS. ER YOU HAVE Y FROM THIS REMEMBER...
“ IN YOUR DARKEST HOUR FIND YOUR WAY HOME”
“Home doesn’t have to be the building that you live in, home can be anywhere, anyone, anything that puts you at ease, that makes you feel relaxed, and fills your life with positive feelings. It could be your house, your family or friends, or it could be a piece of music, a film, a hobby or sport, something that let’s your imagination and creativity run wild. It’s the place where you truly feel like you true self.”
REFER —ENCES
R
ARTICLES
Mental Health Foundation
Kate Leaver, How Do I Stop Being Lonely?
Catriona Harvey-Jenner, ‘How loneliness at university escalated into anxiety and crippling panic attacks’
<https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jan/24/ how-do-i-stop-being-lonely-google-autocomplete>
Mind
<https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/tips-foreveryday-living/loneliness/#.Wune0ogvxPY>
Campaign To End Loneliness
<https://www.campaigntoendloneliness.org/about-loneliness/>
NHS, Seasonal Affective Disorder
<https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/seasonal-affective-disorder-sad/>
Stanley C Loewen, Effects of Weather on Human Emotions
<http://www.healthguidance.org/entry/15843/1/Effects-ofWeather-on-Human-Emotions.html>
Dr. John Grohol, Can Weather Affect Your Mood
<https://psychcentral.com/blog/can-weather-affect-yourmood/>
Gustave Flaubert Quote
<https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/tag/winter>
Elisabeth Donnell, The Shame Around Loneliness Is Toxic
<https://www.elle.com/culture/books/news/a34539/olivia-laing-the-lonely-city-interview/>
Why Do We Feel Shame About Loneliness
<https://www.psychologies.co.uk/why-do-we-feel-shameabout-loneliness>
Action For Children, It Starts With Hello
<https://www.actionforchildren.org.uk/media/9724/action_ for_children_it_starts_with_hello_report__november_2017_ lowres.pdf>
Lucinda Cameron, Social Media Leaves 30% of young people feeling lonely, study finds
<https://www.glasgowlive.co.uk/news/glasgow-news/socialmedia-leaves-30-young-14110445>
<https://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/news/research-reveals-overhalf-young-scots-who-feel-lonely-also-experience-depression>
<https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/body/health/ a12505395/loneliness-lonely-homesick-university-anxiety/>
University of York, Loneliness
<https://www.york.ac.uk/students/health/challenges/loneliness/>
Loughborough University, Loneliness
<http://www.lboro.ac.uk/services/cds/counselling/common-problems/loneliness/>
George Monbiot, The Age Of Loneliness Is Killing Us
<https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/oct/14/ age-of-loneliness-killing-us>
John Bingham, Britain the loneliness capital of Europe
<https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/politics/10909524/Britain-the-loneliness-capital-of-Europe.html>
Stefanie Marsh, Teenagers on loneliness
<https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/apr/08/teenagers-loneliness-social-media-isolation-parents-attention>
CALM, Suicide
<https://www.thecalmzone.net/help/get-help/suicide/>
British Heart Foundation
<https://www.bhf.org.uk/heart-matters-magazine/news/behind-the-headlines/loneliness-and-stroke-or-heart-attack>
Eric Johnson, Tinder and Instagram are ‘crippling’ relationships, sex therapist Esther Perel says
<https://www.recode.net/2018/3/21/17141182/esther-perel-sex-relationships-dating-apps-tinder-instagram-loneliness-kara-swisher-decode-podcast>
Royal Society for Public Health (RSPH), #StatusOfMind <https://www.rsph.org.uk/uploads/assets/uploaded/62be270a-a55f-4719-ad668c2ec7a74c2a.pdf>
Mark Molloy, Too much social media ‘increases loneliness and envy’ - study
BOOKS
Susan Biali, Envy and Your Facebook Feed
Laing, O (2016) The Lonely City: Adventures In The Art Of Being Alone, Canongate Books Ltd, 14 High Street, Edinburgh, EH1 1TE
<https://www.telegraph.co.uk/technology/2017/03/06/ much-social-media-increases-loneliness-envy-study/> <https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/prescriptions-life/201712/envy-and-your-facebook-feed>
Roman Krznaric, Facebook doesn’t understand that there’s no one-click shortcut to empathy <https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/ sep/16/facebook-one-click-empathy-mark-zuckerberg>
David Ludden, Does Using Social Media Make You Lonely?
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/intl/blog/talking-apes /201801/does-using-social-media-make-you-lonely>
Ian Sample, Loneliness Twice As Unhealthy As Obesity For Older People <https://www.theguardian.com/science/2014/feb/16/ loneliness-twice-as-unhealthy-as-obesity-older-people>
Jennifer Rollin, Eating Disorders and Loneliness <https://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/eating-disordersand-loneliness_us_59d21f71e4b034ae778d4c29>
Cuero, R (2014) Loneliness as a Source of Creativity: In the Modern Technological Era, CreateSpace Independent Publishing Platform, North Charleston, South Carolina Turkle, S (2011) Alone Together: Why We Expect More From Technology And Less From Each Other, Basic Books, 387 Park Avenue South, New York, NY Goodin, T (2017) Off. Your Digital Detox For A Better Life, Octopus Publishing Group Ltd, Carmelite House, 50 Victoria Embankment, London, EC4Y 0DZ
Rachael Pells, Facebook research targeted insecure youth, leaked documents show
MUSIC
Tim Schafer Quote
All music sourced from Spotify, with lyrics and information being sourced with the support of www.genius.com
<https://www.independent.co.uk/news/media/facebook-leaked-documents-research-targeted-insecure-youth-teenagers-vulnerable-moods-advertising-a7711551.html> <https://www.brainyquote.com/topics/loneliness>
Stefanie Marsh, Teenagers on loneliness
<https://www.theguardian.com/society/2017/apr/08/teenagers-loneliness-social-media-isolation-parents-attention>
Robert Whitley, What Is The Link Between Tinder And Mental Health?
<https://www.huffingtonpost.ca/robertwhitley/tinder-mental-health_b_13981416.html>
Nancy Jo Sales, Tinder and the Dawn of the “Dating Apocalypse” <https://www.vanityfair.com/culture/2015/08/tinder-hookup-culture-end-of-dating>
The full playlist to accompany the book can be found by scanning the artwork below.