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Bonding over feminism, fashion, and art the three of us transcended classmate acquaintances and became life-long inspirations and accountability partners. With the same passion and drive, we were inspired to create a magazine as an outlet and representation of our conversations. We were married to the idea of creating a magazine but were conflicted on a theme for our first issue- something that would set us apart from all of the other magazines we adore. Coincidentally we were all going through some sort of breakup and all of our “brainstorming” meetings turned in to venting and relating to each other through our anger, sadness, and frustration of our love lives. The theme of our magazine became obvious and actually quite inevitable- heartbreak. Every human experiences love’s highs and lows. We compiled our emotions, passion and drive into one collaborative piece reflecting the different stages of heartbreak that we must all acknowledge. How do creatives cope? Creating. Collaborating. Doing. Writing. Making. By gathering work from various artists, not only did we compile stacks of emotion and expression into one collective editorial, but also we developed new relationships throughout the process. So, it’s here. It’s finally here. Our first issue of Coi Magazine exposes the reality that every individual faces when love hits its brink. Know that you are not alone. Everyone is presented with such obstacles. But with vulnerability, they become opportunities to grow and flourish.
CHENELLE, EMMA & ERICA.
A collection of individuals, creating with soul and sharing people’s passion with a purely generous heart.
the heartbreak issue Experiencing melancholy is acknowledging the raw sadness of human existence. Hurtful, liberating and perpetual love-tinged lows follow deep-rooted passion. There are seven stages of sorrow: shock, denial, anger, guilt, pain, release and return to love. Issue 1 is dedicated to exposing each of these stages in a a raw and artistic way.
contents SHOCK DENIAL ANGER
GUILT PAIN RELEASE
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PLAYLIST #1
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PLAYLIST #2
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& SO IT GOES
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RELEASE
14
HEARTBEAT
52
TENDER VISIBILITY
22
ONCE AGAIN
60
WHILE YOU WERE WAITING
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NOTHING IS REAL BUT
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THE QUEEN WHO SPREAD
42
AND THERE IT WENT
72
FLOAT
THE GIRL
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HER WINGS
RETURN TO LOVE
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PLAYLIST #3
92
LINKED
82
RETURN
96
YOURS
84
BANG BANG
102
GIRLS WILL BE BOYS
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HALF & HALF
116
FIELDS
88
THE EXPLORER
118
BLOSSOM
90
DON’T WORRY
129
SPECIAL THANKS
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This first playlist accompanies these first three stages of heartbreak, as well as all the thoughts that run through your head. How could this happen? What did I ever see in them? I’m better off without them. Who are they to think they could do this to me? Music soothes, but it can also ignite. The aural equivalent of throwing their stuff in the garbage and burning their fabricated letters.
And yet, here comes something else. A rage. A frenzy. A storm. A turning against the person you held most dear. It bubbles up disguised as wounded disappointment, but evolves to a full-blown conniption. Anger is a powerful energy. It can be harnessed, channeled, reworked.
That sinking feeling. That punch in the gut. The desperate attempts to make them change their mind. The nonacceptance when the response remains no. The rug has been ripped out from under your feet, the lights are out. It’s time to revel in your heartbreak.
WRITTEN BY MADISON DESLER HAND LETTERED BY EMMA ELLIOTT
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HEART
PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEVIN KLOEKER WRITTEN WORK BY ERICA LOEWY & KAT LAI
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ONCE AGAIN PHOTOGRAPHY BY EVAN WOODS WRITTEN WORK BY ALI WEISS
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RECENTLY I NOTICED WHEN I AM SAD I GAIN WEIGHT LIKE I AM TRYING TO GIVE YOU MORE TO LOVE LIKE IF MY SKIN STRETCHES YOU AND I COULD LOOSEN UP WITH IT AND MAKE ROOM TO FIT SOMEONE TO FILL ME UP OR WHEN MY APPETITE BECOMES ENDLESS SIMPLY TO FILL THAT TERRIBLE VOID
INSTEAD I START SQUEEZING AND PINCHING AND PROBING LIKE MY FINGERS ARE LITTLE SHOVELS TRYING TO DIG THROUGH ALL THE EXCESS TO GET IN TOUCH WITH MYSELF ONCE AGAIN
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY DANIELLE HARRIS
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEVIN KLOEKER WRITTEN WORK BY ERICA LOEWY
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The hurricane has passed, and all that’s left is you. Maybe you’re to blame. Maybe they were right about you. The groveling begins, and the empowerment you once harnessed from your anger has turned to sniveling apologies, and a raking of your self-esteem over the proverbial coals. Perhaps you’ve found someone new, but you haven’t left the first behind. That’s enough to drive anyone’s conscious mad.
Next comes the depths. The pit. The blackest part of the night. Everything hurts. You sink down, further. You wonder, is it ever going to bottom out? The blues were invented to expound on this very feeling. Soak in this second playlist. Revel in it. Throw yourself a pity party. Make yourself feel the deep melancholy and open wound that is a relationship or dream coming to an end.
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‘RELEASE’ BY MADELINE LUCAS 52
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TEN DER VIS IBI LI TY
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY CHENELLE DELGADILLO WRITTEN WORK BY LINDSAY MCMILLAN
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Cyclical Visibility may seem tender moving towards a person worthy of respect dignity Physical proof of existence growing into a body full of expectation doubt Prove long-lived years with what a few sacrilegious tendencies leading to uncontrollable longing Telling you enough enough Begin, again, on this life-long masterpiece.
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WHILE YOU WERE WAITING
PHOTOGRAPHY BY SOPHIE LERNER & ERICA LOEWY WRITTEN WORK BY LINSDAY MCMILLAN
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A theory for everything making up minutes o’ clock asking wrong questions predictions for each outcome rules to cage the chaos
I lost the calculations forgot to check the time answered all the questions then studied my blank lines and no, there’s not a theory for anything.
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While you were waiting
I left for paradise
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PHOTOGRAPHY BY KEVIN KLOECKER HAND LETTERING BY EMMA ELLIOTT
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FLOAT PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHANIE WILLIAMS STYLING BY CHLOE DELGADILLO 74
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A process in itself, the best part of heartbreak is the journey of finding something new. A reawakening, a new bloom after a harsh winter. This third playlist traces the journey from rediscovering the concept of love, all the way to realizing you’ve found the one you’ve been aimlessly searching for this whole time. The state of pursuit is represented, as is the feeling of being smacked in the face by the sight of your new potential suitor. Sunshine on your face. A long-absent bounce in your step. That satisfied feeling. You’ve been hit. You’re in love.
WRITTEN BY MADISON DESLER HAND LETTERED BY EMMA ELLIOTT
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BY EVAN WOODS
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-ISABELLA BERTORELLI
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-ISABELLA BERTORELLI
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-ISABELLA BERTORELLI
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LINKED PHOTOGRAPHY BY JESSY SCOTT
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YO U RS
ARTWORK BY RACHEL BECKER WRITTEN WORK BY CORTLAND EADS 98
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FINGERS & TOES FINGERS TWIST AND WRAP, VINES AROUND A MOMENT CATCHER.
LOOKING THROUGH GLASS, THERE’S A TREE IN A FIELD. IN A FIELD OF GRASS. IN A FIELD(ED) OF VISION.
IT’S JUST ANOTHER TREE, JUST ANOTHER TIME.
TIMELESS SOUNDS, SCENTS, AND RUBS NEVER TO ENCOUNTER AGAIN QUITE THE SAME.
EVERY SUMMER WE GREW ARMS AND LEGS HOPPING FENCES, PICKING PEARS.
TOES SCRUNCH AND GRIP, VINES AROUND COLD WIRE. OUR BARE SOLES SKIMMING DEWS’ FROSTED TIPS.
I STRUGGLE MAKING SENSE OF THIS LENS OF THE PRESENT WHEN THE LENS OF THE PAST FEELS SO RIGHT.
A TIL A SHUTTER, AND RELEASE.
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WAKE UP DREAM
OF
THE
WORLD
WHERE
RUIN
STIRS
OUR THOUGHTS
AND LOVE
ENDURES THE CLEFT BETWEEN US AND OUR COURAGE
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GIRLS WILL BE BOYS
PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHANIE WILLIAMS STYLING BY CHLOE & CHENELLE DELGADILLO 104
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‘FIELDS’ BY EVAN WOODS
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BLOSSOM
PHOTOGRAPHY BY STEPHANIE WILLIAMS STYLING BY CHLOE DELGADILLO HAIR BY KRISTINE DELGADILLO
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special thanks MADISON DESLER KEVIN KLOEKER KAT LAI EVAN WOODS ALI WEISS DANIELLE HARRIS ISABELLA BERTORELLI MADELINE LUCAS LINDSAY MCMILLAN SOPHIE LERNER LILY STRANDBERG STEPHANIE WILLIAMS CHLOE DELGADILLO JESSY SCOTT RACHEL BECKER CORTLAND EADS KRISTINE DELGADILLO SAIED FARISI BRIDGET JACOBS
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