Inspiration 31 - March 2010 by eMothers-At-Home

I n s p i r a t i o n 31 I n s p i r a t i o n f o r t h e P r o v e r b s 31 Wo m a n

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IN THIS ISSUE Networking Yourself Online Is A MUST! Character in Business The IT Factor: True Beauty Starts Within I’m Afraid to Tell You What I am Thinking! Struggling with the Vision? Careful Consideration Determination: What it Takes to Publish a Book Fitness Requires Commitment Eat And Lose Weight! Food For The Soul

YOUR GUIDE TO BECOMING A TRUE “PROVERBS 31 WOMAN” - MAR 2010

Living L.Y.N.E.S.A. Loving Yourself Now Empowers Situations Ahead

A Word From eMAHs Founder, Lynesa L. Williams, D.E. must be willing to stay laser focused on whatever you want out of life and How many times have you’ve heard be determined not to quit. See, the that one’s Intelligence Quotient (I.Q.) only people in life that fail are those has a lot to do with their ability to be people that quit too soon. successful? However, I believe the real question should be, “Is your suc- Times will get hard. People will turn cess really based on your I.Q. level?” their back on you. And at times, you Well, if you were to ask me, I would may even feel alone on your journey to success; however, you can’t quit. say absolutely yes! Your I.Q. level must be low to make Now, I can hear you saying, “Lynesa, it in 2010. come on. I know of or have at least heard of individuals whose I.Q. level I’ll leave you with one last thought. may not be at all that great but they Even Jesus had to have a low I.Q. are very successful people.” And level. He understood that there is guess what? I would agree with that always a wilderness period before statement. The most successful you make it to the Promise Land; people in this world I guarantee have however, it make it to the Promise a low I.Q. level. Yes, I said “Low” I.Q. Land, you can’t quit during your willevel. Now, I know I really have you derness period. thinking I’m crazy; but, please just Peace, Love, Happiness and Most hear me out. Definitely Prosperity, When you think of I.Q., you’re think- Lynesa L. Williams, DE ing of one’s intelligence level; however, when I thinking of one’s I.Q. level, it has nothing to do with their intelligence. See, I.Q. means one’s “I Quit” level to me. Does Your I.Q. equal success?

In 2010, you must have a low “I Quit” level to be successful. You must not quit on your dreams or goals. You

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eMothers-At-Home (eMAHs) Mission The best example of the ultimate woman is the Proverbs 31 Woman. Her characteristics made her loved and favored by her family, her community and more importantly the Lord. eMothers-At-Home mission is to educate and inspire Women to develop all the necessary traits that make-up the True Proverbs 31 Woman. And we do this through our Training Portal and Magazine - Inspiration 31. As a member of eMAHs, each month you will gain access to our online Training Portal as well as receive our magazine “Inspiration 31” that will motivate, educate and train you into becoming the Woman that God ordained you to be from birth.

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FEATURED COLUMNIST OF THE MONTH - Spiritual Growth Corner Struggling With The Vision By Sonya G. Smith, Ed.D., J.D.. Then the LORD answered me and methodical in all that she does as a said: “Write the vision and make it plain wife, mother, servant, and in the maron tablets, that he may run who reads ketplace. Chapter 31 says that she it. -Habakkuk 2:2- NKJV “willingly works with her hands, proLife without a vision is an agonizingly vides food for her household, considslow death. I am constantly wowed by ers a field and buys it, plants a vineyard the Proverbs 31 woman/wife. When from her profits, extends her hand to you read about her, thoughts of Super- the poor, her children call her blessed, woman come to bear. However, one of and her husband praises her.” The the keen observations that you can Proverbs 31 woman clearly had a spirtake from Proverbs 31 is that this awe- itually defined strategic plan or mission some woman had a “vision.” The vision for each area of her life. She definitely was for her family, community, busi- had a vision! ness, and self. The fulfillment of this The world around us is so busy and powerful living vision resulted in her loud! Our hearts, therefore, thirst and whole household being blessed and long for quiet moments with our Heavblessings flowing to other people. enly Father. Jesus, as our example, Yet, where did the Proverb 31 woman’s often would hide away to be alone with vision and the strength to birth the the Father. In my quiet time with God, vision come from? In the daily grind of He constantly speaks to me about life, we often lose sight of the vision pushing myself to exhaustion, being that God has for our lives. Financial busy just to be busy, giving so much to concerns, soccer games, date night others that I have nothing left to give with our husband or partner, care for myself, comparing myself unnecessarchildren and elderly parents, work obli- ily to others, and chastising myself for gations, and church responsibilities crowd out the vision. This is no accident; for one of the many tactics of the enemy is to crowd our lives so we do not have time to focus on who God has called us to be. The Bible says, “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly” (John 10:10). The crowding of our lives is one way that the enemy steals God’s callings and gifts. The result is that we struggle with the vision, or we allow the world to steal, kill, and destroy it! In looking at the Proverbs 31 woman, there is much to be learned from her spiritual vantage point for both men and women. For instance, she is very

not living up to an ideal that the media and world have created for modern women. Although the wrong standard, I am convinced that these comparisons are the root of much of the spiritual, emotional, and physical exhaustion that I experience. Yes, I admit that I want to look like the sexy healthy toned fit women in the magazines, be at the top of my game professionally, be “Super Sista” Spiritual, and a Superwoman caregiver to my loved ones. But, at these times of exhaustion, I know that I must retreat to God, and settle into His word. The Word reminds me to take of [His] yoke [and it] is easy, and [His] burden is light” (Matthew 11:30) and to “be not conformed to this world: but be transformed by the renewing of [my] mind, that [I] may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God” (Roman 12: 2). Often, I hear His voice, in a gentle whisper, ask, “Sonya, is this the vision”? He next speaks, “Abide! Remain in Me!” (John 15:5). The Bible says, “For in him we live, and move, and have our being” (Acts 17:28). Therefore, it is only natural that the vision for our lives must flow from our movement and from being in Him. Thus, we must be very diligent each day to protect our quiet time with God. Whether early mornings, lunch time, or in the hush of the night, we must guard our moments of prayer and in which we read the word! Webster’s Dictionary defines the word, “vision” as 1: something seen otherwise than by ordinary sight (as in a dream or trance) 2: a vivid picture created by the imagination, 3: the act or power of imagination, and 4: unusual

wisdom in foreseeing what is going to happen. Placing vision within a biblical context, vision is the living vivid portrait of God’s call and destiny for our lives. It is a creation of the Creator, the very real imagination of God, and it is birthed by faith and the power of the Holy Spirit.

about your vision and the mission He has for your life. Ask Him for a “fresh vision” and to “make your vision plain.” Take your Bible, pen/paper or laptop, and your favorite praise music! Pray and celebrate Him and be open with Him about your heart’s desires, old dreams, broken dreams, and new So, what is your vision? Have you writ- ones. Be prepared to see where He ten it down, that it may be plain? takes you!!! Habakkuk 2:2 tells us to spell it out, and research shows that we are more There will be family commitments and likely to accomplish the goals and ob- other conflicts that will fight for this jectives that we literally commit to pa- time. I say this playfully but seriously; per! unless London Bridge is tumbling down, DO NOT yield to them! As with the Proverbs 31 woman, your family 30 DAY CHALLENGE and other relationships will be strengthened and blessed by your commitment My challenge to you this month is to to a spiritual vision quest. commune with God that you may write your vision. Once a year, I spend a Basically, I have written down the viweekend in which I shutdown all out- sion that God has given me for my life side communication to talk with God in approximately two sentences. This is about my life’s mission and vision. followed by a mission statement and Years ago, I was led by the Holy Spirit what I want my legacy to be. The misto commit my vision and mission state- sion statement portion consists of brief ment to paper. During my “Spiritual paragraphs that address the following Vision Quest,” I still away in the quiet of areas: spiritual, family and relationmy home or a hotel for a weekend and ships, financial, seek God’s wisdom regarding His di- professional/marketplace, physical and rection for my life. emotional health, and community/service. I simply have writIt is a time of fasting, prayer, praise, ten what the vision is for my life in each and tears! He prunes me and prunes of these domains. In other words, my my mission. Because I am open, raw, mission statement is what God wants and transparent with my Father, it is at me to accomplish in each of these times painful but joyous! He often adds areas. new dimensions to my mission, snips away the weeds within my soul, and During my spiritual vision quest weekrips away the hidden snares. Most of end, I have noticed that God usually all, I come away renewed, strength- clarifies my vision and gives me creened, humbled, and awed by the love ativity and wisdom regarding how to and grace that God, my Father, consis- fulfill my mission. The vision portion tently demonstrates toward me! and each section of my mission statement read more like spiritual bullet I am very much into verbalizing and points or objectives. Also, what the writing one’s commitments. Therefore, Holy Spirit has inspired me to write is I challenge you to commit to a time not comprised of a bunch of fancy away in the next month, a minimum of words, and I rarely quote scripture. 48 hours, with just you and God. Dur- However, because the vision and mising this time, you are to seek God sion are inspired by the Holy Spirit,

they are based on and line up with biblical principles. The legacy portion is simply one or two sentences about what I want to leave the world! Are you ready to write your vision and make it plain? I know you are! Remember the Bible says, “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it” (Habakkuk 2:2). I am excited for you and cannot wait to hear how and what the Lord speaks to you! Commit to the challenge! Commit to prayerfully developing or reviewing your vision and mission statements! He is your Father and loves you! Despite the busy world around you, He desires to share His vision with you! It’s time for you to “run with it!” Until, next month, I celebrate each of you as God’s Beloved Visionaries! By Featured Spiritual Growth Columnist, Sonya G. Smith, Ed.D., J.D. sonyagsmith@hotmail.com

Fitness Corner Fitness Requires Commitment by Toyia Brown bring to you each month some compo- health and fitness, that it will make a nent of fitness that will be the difference tremendous difference for your entire between Knowing and Doing! family. I believe that fitness comes from within before becoming physical, and most importantly, it requires commitment. Over time and with much effort, it becomes a way of life. Where most people fall short is with the commitment. So often for women and particularly mothers, most of your commitment Over the years, I have found that most goes to your family first. people have some idea of what it would take for them to lose weight or maintain I'm reminded of a scripture that demonthe level of fitness they desire. Yet strates the very selfless nature women. despite the old adage, “knowing is half In the Book of Ruth, chapter 1 verses the battle,” in most cases that knowl- 16-17, Ruth displays the true character edge is not enough. of love and commitment as she refuses to leave her desolate mother-in-law. I was very moved, inspired and excited Just as the Proverbs 31 woman sacriwhen offered this awesome opportuni- fices and works tirelessly always putty. I jumped at the chance to make a ting the needs of her family first. difference in the lives of women across the nation, to share my training and the It is my firm belief that by encouraging ideas and concepts that I’ve come to and equipping you with what it takes to believe in with regard to health and allow sometime for yourself and to fitness. It’s my desire and intent to make a commitment to your personal

30 DAY CHALLENGE So let’s start from the beginning: over the next 30 days, focus on loving and appreciating yourself. Begin to experience just how great it feels to accept everything about yourself and to love and appreciate all the wonderful things about you while being excited about your new commitment to becoming your best you! By Featured Fitness Columnist, Toyia Brown b.toyia@gmail.com

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Gourmet Cooking Food For The Soul by Angie Kardashian - “America’s Chef” Here is my story about BELIEVING, OBEYING, PERSISTING, ANNOUNCING, GIVING, THANKING, AND TRUSTING.

As always when I attend church every Sunday I feel like whichever pastor is giving the sermon I feel he is speaking directly to me and this weekend with a pastor Rick was no different……. I owned an Italian restaurant in Tustin, CA for 23 years. It was a great restaurant everyone knew everyone! My chef and main dining room manager were with me for 18 years and still are at the restaurant since I have sold it. While I owned the restaurant I was on the board of directors for the chamber of commerce, then became president of the chamber, received three proclamations for contributions to the city, became woman of the year, received the meritorious public service medal from the Marine Corps (only 200 given out in the 275 years of the Marine Corps.) I tell you this not to brag but to let you know that when God called upon me to be obedient I left all of this behind. Here is my story. I never got married, never had kids, that is how involved I was in the community and city never had time for a family. Then that horrific day that we all remember happened. 9-11. I will never forget the evening one of the local firemen from Tustin who came into my restaurant and after he ordered his pizza and we spoke of how sad this all was how many innocent people had lost their lives. I mentioned to him that I really wanted to go and do something like so many other Americans were and I said, “But what could I do?” He quipped, “You can cook can’t you”? We laughed he left. I got busy and forgot we even had that conversation until I got home and went to bed. That night in prayer I asked the Lord to show me the way. “How could I spread your name in the midst of such a tragedy?”

What could I one person do all the way on the other side of the country? As I prayed… God spoke to me. The answer that was in my heart I already knew when the firemen said, “You can cook can’t you.” The answer came tome so clearly that night. You could do this you could go to NY and cook and spread the name of Jesus into the firehouses a place where so many firemen were suffering such a deep loss!! If could “save one more for Jesus.”

In my prayers that night I was asked to give up something that I had worked so hard for 23 years to accomplish. But it was as though the Lord spoke to me and asked me to go and I obeyed without question or reservation. How could I say “NO” to the Lord? I did not understand WHY? PERSISTING;

Did I feel like selling my restaurant? Not only no but heck no.. This is really all I knew, it was my life, it was my BELIEVING : income, it was my entertainment, and I believed that I could do it. With the it was all I had! I had really nothing else Lord’s help I could!! So I went into the and knew nothing else. restaurant the next day and I told my employees that I was selling the res- ANNOUNCING IT: taurant to go and cook in NY for the firemen to try and bring some cheer in I got to NY did not know what to do or the Lord’s name to them. They thought where to go. After about six weeks I I was absolutely crazy and so did my could not find a place to stay! I emailed family and friends. I sold my restaurant to my prayer group back in Ca that I in six weeks. If you know anything was coming home!! I felt the Lord was about restaurants you will know it is not providing a place to stay and I was almost impossible to sell a restaurant in giving up even thought I had only six weeks. So I knew that God’s hand cooked for one firehouse! I received was definitely on this mission. So I got dozens of emails not to give up everysome people to move into my house one was praying for me. The next evening I found an apartment of a and watch my cat. And I was off. women going to Korea and she was going for three months. I was set. I had OBEYING: lost faith but he provided just when I was giving up! Well, I ended up moving 13 times in the two years that I was there but he always provided a roof over my head. And as long as I was cooking in his name I did not mind moving. When I cooked for the firehouses I would tell them my story of how God had answered my prayers. I always prayed before the meal and announced that I was there representing so many people from California that could not be there. I always mentioned that I attended Saddleback church. They could not believe that someone would sell there livelihood to come and cook and I always explained to them it was with relationship the Jesus and obeying him that gave me the strength and encouragement to do it.

. I

Trusting: I still to this day do not know why I was called to do what I call my “cooking ministry” and I probably never will?, I just know that I believed, I obeyed, I persisted, I announced my faith, I gave, I thanked, and still am and I trust in him that now that I don’t have a thriving business anymore that he will once again show me where I need to be and he will provide in his time. But for now I am a flight attendant for jetblue waiting for my next assignment. In His Name Angie Kardashian 714.744.9114

America’s Chef at work in New York

That is my story and I am sticking to it.

30 DAY CHALLENGE 30 Day Challenge: Over the next 30 days, I want you to think how you can BELIEVE, OBEY, PERSIST, ANNOUNCE, GIVE, THANK, AND TRUST in the area of your cooking ministry. It’s more than just using food to feed your family physically, it’s about feeding them spiritually as well. You should have some powerful testimonies so let me know all about them.

GIVING:

I cooked for 103 fire Companies in all five boroughs of NY. Donated all the food to feed the firefighters and all of my time for the two years. Many times I did not know where the money or food would come from but he always provided. I spent the proceeds from my restaurant sale and in addition I refinanced my house twice to help pay By Featured Gourmet Cook Columfor my cooking ministry and gave a 5 nist, Angie Kardashian figure donation to the church out of that money before I left on this mission.

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THANKING: Before I left for New York I was baptized right here at Saddleback Church with my best friend and thanked the Lord for this opportunity to serve him in a way that I did not feel worthy or that I could accomplish. The fear some days over whelmed me. How would I know where to live, where to go, where to get the food from, how would I get around with no car? without knowing the subway systems? I had heard such horrible scary stories bout NY!! How would one person do this? There is not a day that goes by that I do not thank him for an opportunity to serve and give back at such a dark period in our history. I never could have even thought about doing this on my own.

Children’s Corner Careful Consideration by Tiffany Smith Proverbs 31:16a “She considers a field and buys it…”

When I was first asked to write this monthly column called the “Children’s Corner”, I have to admit, I really did not want to do it. My plate is already too full. I am not only a Mom, wife, and Sunday School teacher, I am a business owner. I run a daycare from my home. Also, I am not so sure I have any advice worth giving to other mothers. I do not feel qualified AT ALL to try and help anyone become a better Mom when I struggle with this myself. As an owner and operator of a small daycare, my job requires a lot of time. My workday begins at 4:30a.m and my last daycare child leaves around 6:00 p.m. Oh, have I mentioned my daycare is on a military installation? If you know anything about the military, you know that there are rules and regulations for absolutely everything. I mean EVERYTHING. When you take care of the children of soldiers, you better believe that each “I” must be dotted and every “T” must be crossed. My business requires that I am available to soldiers when they need to drop off their children for 5 o’clock Physical Training, and that I be available for the soldier who needs me to keep their children for weeks at a time because they have field missions. This job of mine is tough. I am not saying any of this for you to feel sorry for me. Opening a daycare was my choice and with each job, there are positives and negatives. Although I am blessed to be able to work from my home, my family suffers the consequences. I am not always available to them when they need me. Although I am here in the same house, my focus is on my daycare children and the tasks that are required in caring for these kids. By the end of the day, I am so tired that I have trouble carrying on a conversation with my

three year old, much less talking with and spending time with my older two kids or my husband. I have to admit, I am not always my best for my family, and while they understand, they deserve better! I also find myself too exhausted to work on my relationship with God. I am the first to admit that I do not always conduct myself in line with the model set forth in Proverbs 31. All the things I have just told you brings me to what is weighing heavily on my heart for this month. In Proverbs 31: 16 (New King James Version), we are told that the Noble wife “considers a field and buys it; from her profits, she plants a vineyard.” Looking at this verse’s literal meaning, it tells us that the Proverbs 31 woman is a smart business woman. She not only considers the field, she buys it, and she then takes some of her money and reinvests it in a vineyard that will bring additional profit for her family. Wow! This was part of the reason I opened my own business. I wanted to “hold my own” and help my husband provide for my family. I wanted to be like that Proverbs 31 woman. However, I would like to propose another look at this verse. In the Amplified Bible verse 16 says this: “She considers a (new) field before she buys or accepts it (expanding prudently and not courting neglect of her present duties by assuming other duties); with her savings (of times and strength) she plants fruitful vines in her vineyard”. Hmmmm, this makes me think! When looking at this verse in the spiritual realm, I see clearly into my own situation. When I am overcommitted to things outside of caring for my family, I neglect the very blessings God has bestowed upon me. Money isn’t everything, but my relationship with God and my family is. Before opening my daycare, I never stopped to “consider this new field” before “buying” it. Don’t get me wrong. I love what I do, and my

family reaps the benefits of having extra income, but I did not think it all the way through before I changed our lives so drastically. This month is the launch for our eMothers-at-home website, and each of you has chosen to visit my little corner of the web. You may have stopped by looking for ways to improve your mothering skills. For your time, I am truly grateful. I pray that when you come here you leave feeling refreshed, or you at least have a sense that you are not alone in what you are going through. Being a parent is the most important thing that God asks us to do. So, when looking at the verse above, I want to offer you some advice. Before committing to anything else, consider

your children. Consider your family, and consider God. Talk to Him about every new opportunity that comes about, and talk to your family. Think of this: it is only AFTER you have carefully considered “a new field” prayed about it, and you have peace in your soul, that you can make a decision that will be right for your family. Your children are your most important investment, think of them as your vineyards. If you want to plant good things in your vineyards, spend time with your children. Teach them about God; show them His love and His wisdom. God will honor you in your commitment to Honor Him.

Now here is the challenge: For the next 30 days, I want you to make a list of each new opportunity

30 DAY CHALLENGE that presents itself to you. After you write it down, take it to the Lord in prayer. After praying about it, put the piece of paper under your pillow and sleep on it. Give each new request 48 hours before committing to it. You may find that you don’t have God’s peace, and without God’s peace, you will know that this opportunity was not for you.

I pray you all are blessed in this coming month; I look forward to meeting with you here each month. Take care of yourself, and take care of your family!

By Featured Children’s Corner Columnist, Tiffany Smith tiffanydsmith75@yahoo.com

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Author’s Corner Determination: What It Takes To Publish A Book by Trice Hickman Firm. Resolute. Decided and resolved. These words describe the components we all need to make it through the storms that will undoubtedly surge in our lives at one point or another. Putting these words into action is what will keep us going when we feel like giving up. Determination. It’s what God gives us to make it through…that, and our faith.

I experienced writer’s block, which held me in its grip. So, I’d put down my pen, pick up a book (I’ve always been an avid reader), and wait until the mood hit me again. Ironically, it wasn’t until I embarked upon dark days did the light shine in. At the time, I’d been laid off from my job, I was still recovering from a major surgery, and I was at a crossroads about my next move in life. Those were some rough times. But it was during those moments when I was stripped bare that I was able to lay down all my fears, allowing me to approach writing in a different way.

been doing, I sat down and started writing. To my surprise and delight, all those years of writer’s block melted away. I sat in awe as my fingers clicked against the keyboard, producing words that flowed like sweet water onto the page. I wrote all day and all night—from 8:00a.m. that morning, until 1:00a.m. the next morning, and when I finally rose from my chair thirty pages later, the first chapter of Unexpected Interruptions was born! Firm. Resolute. Decided and resolved. I was determined to finish my novel and accomplish my dream.

I remember when I finished the manuscript for my first novel, and how excited and happy I was about my accomplishment. Writing a book was something I’d dreamed about for many years, but had not been able to do One morning, instead of getting on the Four and a half months later, my novel because each time I picked up my pen computer and searching for a job as I’d was complete. I soon landed a job and

the next phase of things began— finding a way to get my book published! During the months that I’d been writing and searching for a job, I had also researched the steps it would take to publish a book. I’d heard horror stories about how hard it was to self-publish your own work, and equally daunting accounts of the difficulties involved in securing a book deal from a traditional publisher. But I decided to go the traditional route because self-publishing seemed like too much of an uphill battle. I started submitting my manuscript to agents, publishers, and editors at large and small publishing houses. Then, one by one the rejections letters rolled in. Every agent, publisher, and editor I’d sent my work to turned me down. Some said the story wasn’t good enough, some said no one would want to buy or read it, while others simply said it just wasn’t their taste. Whatever the reason, the end result was always no. Rejection hurts. But I had something inside me that wouldn’t accept defeat. I couldn’t accept no. I knew that God had not brought me that far for nothing. I believed in the characters I’d created and the story that I’d crafted. I believed that if I could get my book on a bookstore shelf that someone would buy it, and if they read it they’d like it, and if they liked it they’d recommend it to someone else, and if that person liked it too, it would take off from there. I was determined not to let anyone decide the fate of something I’d worked so hard for. Firm. Resolute. Decided and resolved.

30 DAY CHALLENGE Over the next two years I racked up a pile of rejection letters while working my 9 to 5, and diligently researching the publishing industry. After careful though and planning, I quit my job, formed my own publishing company (Platinum Books), and published my book myself! Unexpected Interruptions was released November 2007. The book that no one thought readers would buy became a bestseller at several bookstores and made the Top 20 Bestsellers List for Black Expressions. The book that no one said was any good won two literary awards for out-

standing fiction. And the very same book that no one thought anyone would be interested in is now in the hands of a screen play writer, to be considered for a motion picture movie. Now, a little over two years later, I will release my third book this summer. You can’t tell me that God ain’t good!

For more information about the author, please visit her at www.tricehickman.com Trice Hickman © February 2010

Vs. 17. “She sets about her work vigorously; her arms are strong for her tasks.” The Proverbs 31 Woman must not give up. She is a strong fighter who will not surrender. She is firm, resolute, decided and resolved. She is determined! The publishing industry is a hard and cut throat business, and there are a plethora of barriers to entry. But I’m living proof that if there is a story inside you that you want to tell, there is a way to do it! The best advice I can give to any aspiring writer is to not give up! Be determined and you will accomplish your goal. The second best advice I can give to anyone who wants to publish a book is to do your research. Whether you go the traditional route or the self-publishing route, you must know the industry. Do your homework, attend literary events, network with other writers and industry professionals, and make yourself knowledgeable about best practices and trends. Have a plan and produce the best possible work that you can, and above all be determined!

Love & Relationship Corner I’m Afraid To Tell You What I Am Thinking! by Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT

Proverbs 30:11The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil. Most of us learn to hold back on some of our truths when we first start dating. We might not tell him about our crazy old boyfriend who used to pull our chair out from under us on the first date. We might not tell him that the way he says the world “Insurance” with the inflection in the wrong place drives you crazy. So we learn to hold back truths in the service of getting to know each other and not running her off where it was coming from. When we before we have had a chance to find finally talked he let me know that he out if there is more. trusted my decisions and both of us knowing where we are financially Over time, if we have any skill at inti- would help us both make wise decimate connection, we are able to start sions about spending. It was an enordisclosing more and more information mous relief. about our past and our likes and dislikes. But some of us find speaking our Other things are hard sometimes too, truths to our partners a real challenge. like telling him certain things I don’t like We may have a hard time letting them that he does, or how I would prefer him know when they don’t shave it to touch me. Yet keeping those things scratches our skin raw. We might to myself keeps him from really knowstruggle with telling them when we ing me and understanding who I am. have made a huge mistake that we are Sometimes the ways we hold back are embarrassed about. Our fear of being little and don’t seem important, but seen for who we really are can be even there they can make a huge difoverwhelming. ference in our sense of closeness. What if I tell him and he leaves me? What if it makes him angry? How do we tell our truth and stay in connection? The reality is that if we don’t speak our truth our connection is already starting to deteriorate. When I first married I had a hard time telling my husband when I had spent money on things for myself. I was fearful that, like my first husband, he would be upset with me and it would start a fight. So I didn’t always tell him when I spent money I was not sure he would approve of my spending. But eventually I learned that keeping secrets builds a wall between us. Over time I began to feel separate from him and he Speaking up when we want things in knew something was going on, he our house a certain way, or what we do could feel the shift, but didn’t know or don’t like about what our partner is

wearing helps them to know how to please us. It doesn’t mean they are required to concede to our desires, but it helps them know who we are and what we like and don’t like. That translates to intimacy. The word intimacy has its roots in Italian. It literally means, “In to me see”. The more you can let your partner in to see you for who you are, the more she can see and know of you, the more intimacy you will actually have. Increased intimacy means a deeper sense of trust between you. Care. Remember, “There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear...” John 4:18. The opposite of fear, is trust. Trust breeds a better relationship. The more trust we have in our partner the less we fear their reactions to our thoughts and feelings. The more trust we have the easier it is to resolve conflicts. Trust allows us to drop our boundaries and let the other person see our weakness and our flaws and still love us. That is the risk we take when we speak our truths. If we don’t yet know that our truths will be accepted it’s a scary thing. But the reality is that if we don’t speak our truths, we are just two people living in the same space together, not intimate partners.

30 DAY CHALLENGE For the next 30 days, see if you can let yourself speak more openly to your husband about your true thoughts and feelings. Discover how much you have edited out of your communications and invite disclosure from him. You will be amazed at how much more emotional intimacy will result. By Featured Love & Relationship Columnist, Melody Brooke, MA, LPC, LMFT

www.melodybrooke.com

Business Corner Character In Business by Linda Lord So what is the character that we are working to develop for our businesses? I have had the privilege of working with self-employed people in my practice and they often ask me what characteristics are consistent with success. I have compiled a list of the traits of successful entrepreneurs. I have also cross-referenced them with a set of principles and values and will be sharing those over time.

I have read and re-read Proverbs 31 and on the face of it being a virtuous woman is an unrealistic expectation. I am a mother, wife, daughter, business woman, and Christian. I read the requirements of a virtuous woman and I just get tired thinking about how much more there is to be and do. But my understanding of God isn’t too crush me under the weight of an unachievable expectation. So, unsatisfied with my superficial reading, I researched, prayerfully asked for clarity, and am slowly seeing the need to raise my personal and professional standards. It isn’t that I expect to be able to meet all aspects of that woman immediately, but there is definitely an opportunity for improvement. The one thing that leaps out at me, every time I reflect on it, is that character counts. None of the identified behaviours or traits would be achievable without a strong character. When I focus on the entrepreneurial woman of this passage, I realize how critical character is in business. It is something that virtuous women can bring to the market place. In the New International Version it appears as follows: “A wife of noble character who can find?”

However, I want to begin the same way I start with individual clients. I ask them to get to know themselves better. Character counts. Who we are, what matters most to us, and what we do when no one is watching defines us and the choices we make. For many people it is the first time they have really looked at the person in the mirror. Until we know who that person is, the businesses we build are built on sand. God has created each of us in His own image. Because He is all things, then we must accept that the varieties that we come in are all aspects of Him. We need to explore for ourselves what aspects of God we are displaying. Are we introverts or extraverts? Are we organized or untidy? Do we trust only sensory data or can we trust our instincts? Do we know who and matters most to us? I believe in Proverbs 31, the virtuous woman knows who she is. She has spent time in prayer and devotion, connecting with God and figuring out who she is in Him. She knows her strengths. She focuses on the things in which she excels. She spends time on the people and things that really make a difference. She has her house in order; from the inside out.

When I work with individuals I ask them to start on the inside; to determine their personality type. This is a valuable piece of information for business owners. It assists them in making decisions about marketing, sales strategies, time management, and how they are likely to organize themselves. Then I ask individuals to identify their core values. These are those things that they hold as important and are willing to make business decisions (and life decisions) to honour. I want to be very clear. My business is not my top value. It is third. Meaningful work falls in line behind my family and my relationship with God. By knowing the order of my values, it makes decision making much easier. When my children were young, I would not take evening engagements. It was non-negotiable. Now that they are older and understand how money works, they are willing to put themselves to bed if it means a little more cash coming in the door. To this day, if my children want me to attend a function at their school or chaperone a field trip, I will do everything possible to rearrange my day to accommodate their request. I realize that the number of opportunities I have to participate in these types of activities with them is dwindling. I am truly blessed that by working on a business from home, I have the flexibility to be a mom before a mogul. The next piece of the self-discovery puzzle that I seek is to identify what people need in their internal and external environments to function at their very best. I know that I need time to connect with God; first thing in the morning, last thing at night, and several times throughout the day. I can get lost too quickly when I try to do it on my

own. It is the area where I still require the most discipline. I can wonder off, thinking I know how to run a business, only to remember after the fact, that I am trying to consult with God before making any decisions. I love listening to Joyce Meier. She says, and I’m loosely paraphrasing now, that we expect God to get us out of the messes we get ourselves in. I can think of a few times when that has been true for me. I have to remember that I NEED to seek his council constantly if I am to be a better business woman; a virtuous business woman of noble character. My other needs include peace, financial stability, and options. These really are the foundational pieces of our business character. From here, there are many directions for us to consider. In Proverbs 31, I believe the virtuous woman knows these, and more, about herself. A woman like this doesn’t just appear out of nowhere. She has been quietly building her character over years. It is like a movie star who gets ‘discovered’ after years of trying to break into the business. There is no such thing as instant character. It takes effort to become a woman like this. It takes focus, patience, determination, courage, persistence, passion, ambition, and many other of the characteristics that we will be examining here as they relate to running our businesses. We will spend lots of time reflecting on who we have to be in God to be the successful business women we want to be. I believe in the power of stories. I know that Jesus was a phenomenal story teller. He knew that people could connect with stories better than lectures. Stories have a way of teaching without telling. Most business owners I know, myself included, don’t like to be told how to run their businesses, but they will listen to a good story. To that end, I want to share several stories with you as we grow together. As a creative

entrepreneur, I will be utilizing story to illustrate the material I share with you and then I will be providing a 30 day challenge so you can incorporate these thoughts in your own business lives.

with the children. But after the second child had started school, she grew restless and wanted something for herself. She decided to open her own business. She didn’t really know much about running a business, but she assumed it couldn’t be that hard and she Carmen’s Story could figure it out on the fly. Now if that had been me, I would have underCarmen sat across the table from me. stood, but for Carmen, that seemed a She looked exhausted. Her toddler little impulsive and ill-conceived. So, was playing quietly on the floor with here I was, witnessing her meltdown. some books and blocks. When she glanced down at her daughter, Carmen “I thought it would be easier than this.” burst into tears. “I don’t mean to be all negative or “What’s up?” I asked. anything, but Carmen, was this business your idea, or God’s?” “I can’t do it anymore.” “Can’t do what?”

“What?”

“Well, I know you and you always seek “Any of it. I’m tired all the time. Just the Lord before you make any deciwhen I think I’m getting it together – sions like this. Did you do that this someone moves it!” time? About the business.” Carmen and I had been friends since Carmen puckered up her mouth as she third grade. I admired how she always considered my question. tried to use humour to deflect serious conversations; but I was on to her. “Do you even know if you have the personality for running a business? “Is it the kids?” Not everyone is cut out to be a busi“The kids. Bruce. Work. I wanted it all. ness person, you know.” Well, I have it.”

Carmen’s eyes narrowed. Was she Carmen had always known what she thinking about my question or trying to wanted. I, on the other hand, had squeeze the tears back inside? floated through school, grabbed a cou“No,” she whispered. ple of jobs and hadn’t really found myself, yet. Carmen and Bruce had been “No, what?” married for seven years. The children were 5, 3, and 18 months. She had her “I didn’t ask and I’m not sure.” hands full, for sure. I was the wacky friend who came to visit, take the kids “I’ve been reading about starting a to the park, and somehow make their business, lately and I’ve learned that mother smile for a few minutes. Now, most people don’t really knowing what don’t misunderstand, Carmen loved they’re getting themselves into. But her husband and her children. She had they’re not necessarily believers, so faithfully prayed and patiently waited they’re out there trying to do it alone. for Bruce. God had handpicked him for You don’t have to. God gave you cerher; that was obvious. And after Mea- tain abilities and gifts. Maybe you gan, the third child, was born, Carmen should have started by figuring out had left her corporate job to stay home who you are in God, before you took

this on for yourself.”

Pray about your values and needs. Ask the Lord to clearly show you what mat“Where was this advice a year ago?” ters most to you and what you most need to be a virtuous business woman. “I’m here now,” I grinned. Contact me for a list of values and “Does it mean everything I’ve been needs to stimulate your prayers. doing is wrong?” she asked. Determine how you can structure a I could only shrug. I was the friend business to support your values and bringing questions, not answers; but I needs. Let the business work for you. knew Carmen and she would figure it Scripture to reflect on: Psalm 119:73 – out. Your hands made me and fashioned me; Give me understanding, that I may learn your commandments.

30 DAY CHALLENGE

By Featured Business Columnist, Linda Lord

30 Day Challenge

Identify your personality type using a www.thepitchbusinessbook.com free online assessment or contact me for a brief quiz.

Beauty & Image The IT Factor: True Beauty Starts Within by Mechelet Bickerstaff

It’s not too late for 2010 to be your best year yet. This is a great time to be a woman. The world is more accepting of our uniqueness as women and even celebrates non-stereotypical beauty like never before. Question is… are YOU accepting of who you are and do you celebrate your OWN unique qualities? Women who can answer YES to the question are usually the ones who walk in a room and all eyes are on them. They have the IT factor. The IT factor is that mesmerizing persona of confidence, love, kindness, compassion, joy and charisma that makes a woman truly beautiful. It’s not always the model-like gorgeous woman that gets all the attention. Understand that we all have value in the world beyond the way we look. Our real value comes from the life we create; the person we are, the friends and family members whose lives we touch,

and the way we live our lives. Do YOU You have to think you are worthy; act have the IT Factor? like you are worthy then others will treat you like you are worthy. A lot of The Proverbs 31 woman is one celebrities are self proclaimed Kings or biblical example of a woman with IT all. Queens of this or that and we eventuShe was a great wife and mother. She ally believe this about them. Self-esran her own business, was kind, attrac- teem and confidence gives an aura tive, and dressed in the finest clothes. that gets you noticed. A fabulous pair She even exercised. And… she did it of leopard print platform shoes will too all with joy. She knew who she was and but not quite the same way as when believed she deserved all her bless- people stare because you have a conings. People were drawn to this wom- fident stature with a look that says you an, her husband and her family. The are about more than just your shoes. Proverbs 31 woman is not given a See, when you truly believe you are a name. I believe that is so because God remarkable woman, you will behave wants every woman to aspire to be her. like one, dress like one and others will At any point in your lifetime, you can perceive this about you and be drawn choose to be named this phenomenal to you like a magnet. Understand the woman. If you’re not her today, it’s power you possess to be IT, begins ok…One day you can be, and it starts with your thoughts. with state of mind!

30 DAY CHALLENGE

This month the focus is on clearing out your negative mental clutter and making room for self esteem, self worth, confidence, joy, and charisma. Start believing you are fabulous and complete in this moment, right now. Here are the steps: 1. LOVE YOURSELF - DO IT NOW! Don't wait until you lose weight, have money to buy new clothes, get a new job, or find the new relationship. Just decide to begin NOW!

4. Take care of your body: Learn what your body needs to have optimum energy and vitality. Cherish and revere the temple God gave you. When you feel good you want to look good.

ing and shaping you to be exactly as you are. Write down five characteristics, features, or emotions that God made unique to you.

5. Look in the Mirror: Really look at yourself, front, back, side, in clothes and out of clothes, up close and from a distance. Say ‘I look good because God made me this way and EVERYTHING He makes, IS GOOD.’ Thank Him and admire how beautiful He made you.

“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works and that my soul knoweth right well.” Psalm 139:14 By Featured Beauty & Image Columnist, Mechellet Bickerstaff

6. Be gentle, kind and patient: Be www.imageconsultingexcellence.com gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself as you learn the new ways of thinking and treating yourself. Take it one day at a 3. Praise yourself: Praise builds the time and don’t give up even if you have inner spirit. Praise yourself often and a challenging day. for as much as you can. Identify things about yourself and your life that you Genuine inner goodness is the core element of true beauty and having the are proud of. IT Factor. Take a moment to meditate on the image of an awesome God mak-

2. Stop all criticism: Refuse to criticize yourself. Criticism breaks the inner spirit. Accept yourself exactly as you are today.

Networking Corner Networking Yourself Online Is A MUST! by Denai Vaughn As you expand your network some choose to do so online, others focus on off-line opportunities instead. Today, I want to share with you ideas to expand your online network.

or the family’s pet. The reason for Facebook is so that people see your face and get to know YOU. This builds trust, reliability, and shows people that you are someone they want to know. People buy from those they know, like, We will spend some time focusing on and trust. If they never see your face, Facebook. Many people use this on- how do they know if they like you or not? line social media site to expand their brand, grow their business, and to cre- If you are focused on growing your ate new leads or clients. One of the business online, Facebook also offers keys to using Facebook is to first be a fan page. This may be the better sure your profile includes your face. solution for you and your business Does your profile page have a picture whereas a profile page shares the ins of you? If not, you can easily fix that. and outs of you from day to day. There Find a picture of yourself, your family, is also a group page. This is ideal for or a group where you are present. Do businesses, for networks, and for not use pictures of products, buildings, groups where you are like-minded or

share common interests. Think of “Special Interest Groups” (SIGs) and you will understand why and how Groups are created. This includes your family, neighborhood, school organization, and a long list of other groups you are already associated with. Consider which of these is most valuable to you and your goal for being online. Is it to share the whole kit-andcaboodle? Thus you would want to focus on a Profile Page. Is it to expand your brand? Then be sure a Fan Page is used. Is it to connect with like-minded individuals? Then a Group Page is ideal.

On a fan page and group page you can have limitless connections. On a profile page, you are limited to 5000 friends. When you look at how many people you know, how many business cards you have, how many names are in your address book, and how many friends and family you are connected to, which of these options is better for you? ? Linking all them on a Profile Page to read anything and everything? ? Linking all of them on a Fan Page where you are promoting your business, your company, and/or your brand? ? Or a Group Page that shares a specific focus?

Again, the choice is yours, but the rules As you can see the options are endare consistent in every platform. If you less, the possibilities are numerous, want to be a Master of Social Media, and guess what? The choice is yours! then focus on CONNECT, RELATE, and REFER (more on that in a future 30 DAY CHALLENGE column). If you use Twitter, you are building a cold market. You can convert your cold market to a warm market by transitioning them or linking them to your Facebook, MySpace, LinkedIn, or YouTube pages.

This weeks challenge: Over the next 30 days, build an online presence utilizing one or several of the social media platforms mentioned above. Be creative and have fun. For those of you who already have a presence on a social media platform, think of ways to enhance your site and take it to the next level. I can’t wait to see what you come up with, so please make sure you add me as “A Friend.”

On LinkedIn, which is a professional platform, you may select to allow someone into your social life by connecting them with you on MySpace, Facebook, or even your YouTube Much success in Networking! The choice is yours…and you can channel. choose all three. Since MySpace is more of a social By Featured Networking Corner ColumThese are just a few basic steps when platform, it may be that you want to link nist, Denai Vaughn getting started on Facebook, and with people to your professional site and any other social media site. You may therefore connecting them with your www.thenetworkingqueen.net also choose to be involved on MyS- LinkedIn profile. pace, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube, or a long list of other social media platforms that are available via the Internet.

Health Corner Eat & Lose Weight by Stephanie Tucker

A lot of people think....."If I just don't started up. AND IT GIVES you ENeat..I will LOSE WEIGHT." WRONG... ERGY for the rest of the day, and for your exercise you have planned... It is really just the opposite... You have to eat to lose weight... If you don't eat, For those that DON'T have time or your body thinks it has to hold on to always use that EXCUSE, try a protein every bit of fat that you have stored or shake (a little secret of mine is… USE that you consume.... FRESH OR FROZEN FRUIT with a little ice to make a healthy “smoothie or So the more you eat....the more you milkshake” lose.... With that said, you have to eat HEALTHY and SMALL portions. BREAKFAST is the most important meal of the day. It gets your body on the right track. It lets your body know that you are not starving and it can start burning and not holding on to what you already have. It gets your metabolism

PROTEIN BARS - I love the ISAGENIX, ZONE and LUNA bars Scramble you an egg or two – Studies say that an egg along with a sliced orange makes the perfect balanced meal OATMEAL - try organic oatmeal – add some FRESH or FROZEN FRUIT WHOLE GRAIN TOAST with HONEY and/or organic PEANUT BUTTER – DO NOT trust the labeling to ensure the “whole grain” content, look at the list of ingredients – THAT IS WHAT MATTERS – Great marketing doesn’t equal GREAT NUTRITION MY TIP TO YOU: If you eat 2 smaller meals and a couple of LIGHT

snacks.... You should be able to have 1 bigger meal a day... My husband and I chose to have our light meals earlier in the day...and then we get to SIT DOWN and have a meal together as a family at night. If you eat a big meal at lunch or so....TRY NOT TO HAVE THAT MUCH AT THE OTHER MEALS. ANOTHER TIP TO YOU: DO NOT eat past 6:30 pm if possible....if you do....try not to have a big meal and very little portions and number of carbs.

For those of you that do eat breakfast, I want you to make a conscious effort of not eating past 6:30 pm.

Make these simple adjustments….. The changes will astound you and your family. These simple changes will make a great amount of difference and not take a lot of your time as for it says in Proverbs 31:15 “She rises while it is still night, and distributes food for her household.” Your family and your body will love you for it.

30 DAY CHALLENGE Please email me at CHALLENGE for the UPCOMING funfamilyfitness@yahoo.com with reMONTH – sults and comments and I will report on progress and challenges that you For the hundreds of you that don’t eat faced! We all want to know!!! BREAKFAST….EAT SOMETHING ………because FITNESS NO DONUTS! should be FUN! It means something worth substance. By Featured Health Columnist Use some of the examples above or Stephanie Tucker use your own. Email me some of your ideas so I can pass along to fellow www.funfamilyfitness@yahoo.com subscribers.

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YOUR GUIDE TO BECOMING A TRUE “PROVERBS 31 WOMAN” - MAR 2010