Leigh Peele says being told she was ugly from an early age didnt stop her from breaking the rules: Youll be defined by what you have the nerve to aim at being When I was seven years old, I would put my school book bag on both my shoulders and had it sit plumb in the middle of my back, as backpacks were made to do. One morning, when it was so frigid outside you could barely muster getting out of bed, my older brother joined me at the bus stop, and told me I was wearing my backpack wrong. He grabbed it, tossed it over my right shoulder with both straps on the same side and said, There, thats better. My brother was the quintessential all-American baseball star. He was the guy the girls wanted to date. When he was 12, he was already dating a 15-year-old girl. Everyone loved him, and he somehow pulled it all off while growing up on the wrong side of the tracks. Like most movies and novels that focus on the underdog, we lived in the bad part of town. Our tracks were less defined than the ones you see in John Hughes films or SE Hinton narratives of the midwest, but they were there. They circled through from gas station to corner store and when you went past a certain section of town, you were indubitably on the wrong side. This didnt affect my brother in the slightest. He was tan, strong, and had this ease about him you seem to find only among the rich and pretty. I smiled when he placed my backpack on my right shoulder because making my brother proud was one of the few joys I had in childhood. Then he said, Youre not pretty, so you have to try harder. OK? I stayed smiling because even at a young age, I understood the importance of pretending to not have emotions. In my household, it was a matter of survival. But what he said crushed me. Soon thereafter, I started picking up on the signs one receives when they arent attractive. This was made more complicated because I had a lot of friends and people who, for the most part, liked me. I was good at sports. I had various musical talents and up until life completely fell apart at home, I was a good student. I was also a fighter so people didnt dare make fun of me overtly, at least before growth spurts kicked in and the playing field was still even. No, I didnt have guys pretend to be my boyfriend only to dump me at the end of the day, just to be mean. And my lessons were more subtle than the girls chanting about the fat guy on the school bus, OMG hes your boyfriend! (People can be such assholes). Mostly, I paid for not being conventionally attractive by being ignored or not included in moments the many moments attractive people experience. I went on double dates only to have the guy completely disinterested in making out with me at the end of the night (which wasnt a problem for my pretty friends) or seeing the look of sheer disappointment on his face when I arrived. My dates would never be on the receiving end of,
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Wow, way to go! Good for you!. Many times, I walked into a room with all of my friends and witnessed them receiving compliments everyone except me. Its not that people look at you say, My god, youre incredibly ugly. Tell me, how do you not kill yourself? Its how you can stand next to an attractive person and the people around you, even the unattractive ones themselves, will say, Wow, your friend is pretty. Look at her, have you ever seen a girl so pretty?
It took me being observant and honest to see I didnt belong. It took studying the aesthetics in photos taken by my friends and knowing something wasnt quite right. Its a lack of pride you know would be there if you were just prettier, or sexier. Its that you simply know that no matter what you do, sans literal plastic surgery, you will never belong to a certain club. Im not alone in it. In fact, a lot of you will have an idea of what I am talking about but it never makes us feel less alone. But here is where I throw you a curve ball: my being unattractive hasnt stopped me from living the other sides life. Most people never figure out how to navigate this world I live in. I will just tell you I rejected the rules of the beautiful, and learned how to make them work for me. I decided I would shoot out of my league. I made friends and dated people I shouldnt be allowed to date. I stepped over the line. I surrounded myself with individuals who are more educated, prettier or smarter than me, even in the face of people saying, quite literally, they are out of your league. I may not technically be the smartest or most beautiful person, but I run with those who are. I become by association, even a touch of such, even at a lower rank beautiful. I buck the system. I relay my story to encourage you to jump fearlessly toward the elephant in the room if you find yourself lacking in genetic abundance. Dont hide behind being deep as a way of saying, I dont care. Its the people I see who pretend they are above such pettiness, who shun a multidimensional life, that often wear bitterness on their sleeve. Rather than silently sneering at those who seem to have a piece of this ridiculous puzzle figured out, embrace it. Say proudly, with your presence, even if quietly, that you have something to bring to the table. To do so, yes, means you may be painfully aware of what you are and will never be. You will be defined by what you have the nerve to aim at being. In doing so, you will challenge and question what smart is. You will not be generic, or predictable. Attractive is only what we define it to be. Dont pigeonhole yourself so quickly. Live the life you want to live even if you didnt win the genetic lottery. Read more: https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/sep/03/unpretty-rules-of-beautyattractive-relationships
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Unpretty: I live the life I want to live even if I didnt win the beauty lottery
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