1 minute read
Deciphering Expectationsand Desires
ByAndreaSipcic
We are embedded with expectations from the time we are born. It’s everywhere, from everyone; our family, friends, life partners, the media, etc. When we’re a baby, we are generally expected to eat, crawl, sit up, walk, eat solid foods, talk and be potty trained by certain times and ages. When we’re in school we’re expected to learn certain things and acquire certain levels of education by certain times and ages. In the work field we are expected to have a job with a general expected income by a certain time frame. In our romantic life, there are a plethora of expectations from every angle, including getting married and how long you ideally should be together before marriage. Then of course there is the subject of having children and all the expectations that come with that. This is just for the first half of your life.
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So it makes sense then that it may not always be clear what expectations and desires we actually have for and from ourselves and which are more from what others expect from us. It can often feel very unfulfilling when we are solely striving to meet others’ expectations.
So the first step in deciphering where your expectations and desires are coming from is to know what they really are. Then start looking into where they’re stemming from. You can ask yourself:
What expectations and desires do I currently hold for myself? (Specify a certain area in your life, such as career/job.)
How do I really feel about them?
If you have any kind of negative emotion around it: Why do I feel like this? Is this what I really want? Why?
If the expectations/desires are not really yours: Who’s are they?
If you find that the expectations and desires that you currently have are more to fulfill others and are willing and wanting to fulfill your own, consider identifying what your own really are and take steps to move in that direction. It may not always feel good or comfortable at first, but it’s a good idea to keep with it, as you want to make sure you are honouring yourself and what is most fulfilling to you.
