49 Tips On How To Recover From An Affair Considering that, the probability of someone cheating during the course of a relationship varies between 40 and 76 percent – (Geneviève Beaulieu-Pelletier, PhD student at the Université de Montréal’s Department of Psychology.), chances are, that at least 4 in 10 of us, will at one time or another, become the latest victim of the heartbreak of infidelity. Help is at hand however, in the form of my handy report, ’49 tips to recover from an affair’ Make yourself comfortable, relax and have a read, and soon you’ll be smiling in wonderment at the idea of being able to feel a lot better in as little as 21 days! ‘It takes 21 days to make or break a habit’ Psychologist Maxwell Maltz in his book ‘Psycho-cybernetics 1) You are luckier than you think! – Now you want to hit me right? But think about it – wouldn’t you rather have found out that your partner was not worthy of your affections now than another ten years down the line? You have a shot at a happier, much better deserved life path, only question now, is are you going to take it? 2) It’s going to take some time! – You are not going to feel better after you jump into bed with the gardener next door, or drown your sorrows in that bottle of Vodka you had left over since Christmas. This is a shock to the system, and this whole recovery process, is going to take a little time. The sooner that you accept and embrace this little simple, but important fact, the sooner you can allow yourself to ‘just be’ for the time being. 3) It’s going to feel a hell of a lot worse, before it feels better! – It’s like having a band aid ripped off, to reveal a seeping and infected wound. You have to clean all of the muck out, before you can begin to feel better or even think about healing. Acknowledge that whilst you may feel okay one minute, it’s pretty normal to feel shell shocked the next. But let this raw emotion ooze out from every pore. 4) Feel and Heal! – Give yourself permission to feel whatever it is that you’re feeling. Try not to over analyse it. Just become a spectator, on the outside looking in. Imagine your thoughts are bubbles, and watch them float away. Some will burst, others will linger but the ones that you need to come back to will find a way of sticking around. Acceptance is the key; you have suffered a shock to the system. After acceptance comes the real work. 5) Express yourself! – No I’m suggesting you listen to Madonna, but you need to let out this mass of raw emotion. Verbally attacking your partner may feel amazing for all of minute, but the emotional hangover will some come knocking. Try and keep this between just you and yourself. Begin by writing a journal, and every time you feel inspired to do Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
so, just allow the thoughts to smother the paper. Do not hold back. Work out that aggression! 6) It takes 21 days to make or break a habit – Psychologist Maxwell Maltz figured out, that it takes the human subconscious, 21 days to make or break a habit. Your addiction to your partner’s presence in not all in your imagination. You are going to need to draw up a detox plan, and I promise you that if you can stick to this, you’re going to be feeling a lot more like yourself, once the mental vacation is up! 7) Pencil in that Vacation! – Yes! Okay, you may be committed to work schedules, so I am not literally talking a trip to Las Vegas. But mark it down on your calendar, and make it more official. For the three weeks, you are on a relationship vacation! Give yourself time out! – You are not the one who has cheated, so why do you need to work anything out? You need time out to handle things. It’s better to approach any form of discussion after the 21 day relationship vacation. It’s a little like a snow globe – the more that you keep on rattling it, the more the snow (your thoughts) refuses to settle. 9) During time out, why not work out? – I’m not talking about making yourself more attractive. But the best way to get some of this raw emotion out, is to get that serotonin flowing! A 15 minute walk every evening, will have your happy hormones pumping and you’ll be feeling lifted in no time at all! It’s also a great way to get out any pent up aggression. 10) Add some super fuel into your engine! – You would not expect your car to run on empty, so why treat yourself any different? Dose up on super foods, and keep yourself balanced. Your stress levels will be critical and your immune system compromised, so throw in some green tea, goji berries, and magnesium rich snacks such as turkey and bananas. 11) The use of mobiles is not permitted! – During the 21 days, keep your vacation a contact free zone. You need to wean yourself off your habit to your relationship, and even if you do want to ‘talk’, it’s better to do so when emotions are more settled. Getting yourself wound up by going back to look at the crime scene so to speak will do you no favours whatsoever. 12) Get yourself a support buddy! – Like with any sort of detox programme, you need to find someone to confide in, and to take the edge off those urges to call at set times like you used to. So if you used to call your ex at 7pm every evening, call your buddy instead. Replacing one habit with another is a pro-active way to moving forwards.
Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
13) And whilst we’re on the subject of friends…. you may want to hang out with those you abandoned when you became part of a duo and lost your solo Identity. Spending time with positive people who bring out the best in YOU will remind you of the fabulous individual you really are 14) Steer clear of friends with benefits! – You know exactly what I’m talking about! There is enough confusion for the time being so avoid using others as a band aid. It’ll come back to haunt you eventually 15) You’re hired! To write a ‘love script’ – You need to get yourself focused. So imagine that you have been hired by a Hollywood director, and you’re to cast the leading man or woman for the latest romantic blockbuster. You are asked to model the leading agent on your ideal man or woman. What qualities does he or she possess? Write a list, and then have fun writing a love script. How does the story end? 16) It’s time to get raw and naked! – No don’t get over excited, I’m talking about ‘emotionally raw and naked’. Having reminded yourself of how you envisioned your love life to be, you’re allowed to feel somewhat cheated, in more ways than one! Go back to the idea of thoughts as bubbles and sit with this feeling for a little while. 17) Look at yourself in the ‘mirror’ – Psychologists claim that what we dislike in another is often a reflection of something in ourselves. Nothing ever excuses infidelity, but if you’re honest with yourself, there were probably cracks appearing that maybe led to the action? If so, did you play a role in this, and if so how? Be brutally honest with yourself. 18) Now smother yourself with acceptance! – No matter what mistakes were made in your just ended relationship, communication could have always been an option. There is no excuse that he or she cheated, so try and accept that you’re simply a human, who loved another, and for whatever reason things did not work. Forget that you did this, and forget that you did that. None of us are perfect, but no matter what flaws YOU brought to the table, your partner made an active choice to avoid resolution and hide in infidelity. 19) Make a date! With the law of attraction – If you’ve not heard of Rhonda Byrne’s book, ‘the Secret’ you must have been living on another planet. What you focus on grows, your thoughts, become reality. So focusing on what you don’t want to feel will simply bring more to your existence. Find some time to read up on this subject, and look at how to put it into practise. 20) It’s time to get crystal clear! – I’m not talking microdermabrasion. We’ll save the pampering for a little later. But in order to replace negative thoughts with positives, you need to work out just what it is that you want in your life. Get some clarity, make it happen! Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
21) Visualise to Materialise! – In order to put your thoughts and desires ‘out there’ you need to start visualisation exercises. Before sleep, every evening, visualise yourself in a happier existence. It does not have to be complicated right now. It can be sitting watching a sunrise. But programme your subconscious to be prepared for a life filled with beauty. 22) Decorate your own life canvas! – Once you have become used to carrying out visualisation, throw in a little more detail. You are the artist, and the Universe has handed you a pristine white canvas. How will you decorate yours? Start to visualise how you’d like tomorrow to be. And work it up to a grander scale. 23) Set it free and let it be! – Once you have mastered the above, simply set your desires free! 24) Think about making a vision board – the subconscious mind finds it easiest to ‘drink in’ signs, images and symbols. Take a regular cork board and fill it with things that represent your future happiness. You don’t have to sit and stare at it. Just leave it in your field of vision. This is the super charged tool for creating change, and the less you do, the better! 25) It’s time to de-clutter! – Moving the things around and spicing your space up a little is a good way to detach from old memory patterns. Keeping things just as they were when you were last snuggled up together will do you no favours in the long run. Have a good old clear out, and put his/her items away in boxes. You don’t have to do anymore right now, remember we’re keeping it simple! 26) Out with the old and in with the new! – Now that you have created some space, it’s a perfect opportunity to do a little retail therapy. Whether it’s that mini gym that you always wanted, or some inspirational art work, find some new ‘items’ that will make your space feel like YOURS again. 27) Pamper, Primp, And Preen! – Cliché and as simple as it sounds, that haircut you have always fancied, or that weekend break to the spa is a must on your present agenda. A new shade of lipstick, or working on your six pack really will make you feel like a million dollars and add a spring back into your step. 28) Dance, dance, dance! – A big night out with friends can give you a chance to set the new you out to mingle in public. Remember that the aim is not to ‘pull’, but flex your social muscles. Remind yourself of how magnetic you truly are as an individual. 29) Dignity – make it your new best friend! – If you’re out and you see your ex partner, or it’s too soon to be out on the scene, then simply turn and walk and jump in the next taxi
Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
cab. Remember – you are in control of your actions at all times and can choose to handle things with dignity and self respect. 30) Become your own type cast! – Going back to the idea about a character brief for a movie, (tip number 15), imagine that you are the writer for a movie about YOURSELF. What five adjectives would you use to describe this character (i.e. you) to a big Hollywood producer? The idea is to sell yourself so remind yourself of your positives. Jot these down on a post it and keep it on your bathroom mirror. 31) Write your own dating ad! – When we are the victim of infidelity, not only is our confidence knocked as an individual, we also find it hard to remember what someone of the opposite sex will find attractive about us. Writing your own dating ad, you know, single man/woman, aged 30 something seeks…… will help you to clarify exactly who YOU are and who and what you are looking for 32) TRUST! – The one thing that you’re probably lacking after your recent flirtation with heartbreak is the ability to trust in trust. It will be something that you may struggle with, and the idea of ever loving again may simply fill you with dread! But not everyone is out there to get you, and you can and will trust again. I would say trust me on this but before you trust another think about trusting yourself… and this leads me to tip 33.. 33) Trust – YOURSELF! – If there is anyone in the world who you know won’t let you down, it’s yourself. Right? Sadly, many victims of cheating partners often lack trust in their own ability to ‘catch them and keep them’ and begin to spiral on the slippery slope of self hatred. Trusting yourself is crucial, before you can trust another. 34) Make friends with your intuition! – One way to trust in yourself is to make friends with your intuition. Often, we simply ‘know’ when something is slightly off kilter but through fear, we choose to ignore it. If we just trusted ourselves that little bit more and took heed of the red warning flags, we would probably walk away head strong, rather than feeling dejected. If they tell that you’re just being paranoid, dig a little deeper. 35) Forgive but never forget! – It may feel impossible right now, the idea of forgiving your partner. But forgiveness is not the same as acceptance. Forgiving your partner for their unacceptable behaviour, puts you back in the driver’s seat of your own journey. As long as you hold on with bitterness, your ex will always have the power, and it will be harder for you to focus in the present moment. Clinging onto the past means letting go of the present and missing the gift that’s your life! Is he or she really worth that? Forgiveness does not mean making excuses for him/her though, and never ever forget that THEY are responsible for the pain that you have been going through. 36) Time to re-set! – Once the initial period of coming to terms with what has happened is over, don’t then go backwards and shake up old emotions. Like a snow globe, the more Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
you shake it, the more blurry the scene becomes. Instead, start to think about a new scene that you’d like to see in YOUR snow globe. It’s time to write a list….. 37) Before I’m 30/40/50, I want to….. We have all written one be it mentally or literally and now is a good time as any, to write a ‘to do’ list for life’s activities. If you’ve always wanted to Bungee, go and book that jump. If you have always wanted to travel, why not pack that back pack? Think of all the crazy things you can do a single person and work on ticking as many off as possible, before your next relationship 38) Change your daily routine! – If you drive to work, walk. If you always shop at the same supermarket, try another. Create new routines within what may seem like small meaningless areas. This will also work on reprogramming your subconscious mind and memory and bizarrely, help you feel alive and in the present moment again! If you stick to old routines, it’s easy to function on auto pilot and ‘switch off’ and this can breed depression. 39) Create a fake email account and write to your ex partner’s shadow – You still want to stick to no contact, but if you do feel you have things to say, now that you may be thinking and feeling with more clarity, before you fire off an email to him or her, why not write to their ‘shadow’ first? You will of course, be the only person with access to this fake account, so you can log in at a later date and pick up all of the emails. But keep on expressing your ever changing emotions, without provoking the caged animal (the ex) 40) Work on communication – Think about the giving and receiving between you and your ex partner and notice how equal the flow was. Were you clear enough and about what your needs were, and were they being met? Even now, maybe you do want to talk with your partner once you have given yourself time out but are worried you’ll go back to being a doormat or crying wreck? Do some research on confidence building and look at body language and NLP techniques. If your partner thinks that you’re playing the Victim, it’s all too easy to treat you like one. Show them you mean business and that you’re a catch who is one in a million. 41) Be honest as to whether it’s over – This may sound ridiculous. But many people find themselves claiming that they hate their ex partner, and would never be with them in a million years. But their heart often says something different. However, ego, fear of what others may think and trust issues may hold you back from holding your hands up and saying ‘actually – I would like to look at where we went wrong together and give this another go. If this is what you desire, after giving yourself a mental vacation, then work out how to go about this. 42) Draw your line in the sand – and stick to it! – This works whether you plan to reconcile with the partner who cheated, or put yourself out on the dating market. Write a Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
list for your eyes only of the things that you will put up with and the things that you find unacceptable and then stick to this list with integrity! 43) Glide back into it, gently – Whether you’re giving him or her a second shot, or you’re preparing for something new, there’s no rush to make it happen yesterday. Carry on thinking like the independent you who you have discovered over the last three weeks, and touch base with this Inner you daily. 44) Increase your value on the stock market – Imagine that you are a precious jewel and only the highest bidder can afford to take care of you. Except the bidding will of course be in the emotional currency of love. Whilst taking things slowly as mentioned in tip 43, place higher value on yourself in general. Don’t be so readily available, and don’t just jump into bed. Make him or her work for your time and attention. You really are a catch! 45) Remember that the past is just that – and though you should never just forget what has happened (life is full of lessons so what can you learn from this experience?) think back to the law of attraction – the more that you keep replaying old memories, the more you will attract such experiences into your future over and over and over. Lay the past to rest and start to look forwards 46) Be open to the possibility of love – and the ability to also be loved. Life is short, and quite frankly, crap happens. We cannot control what life throws at us but we can control how we let it affect us. If you want to wither up and die alone, then that is your call. But there is a world of love and joy that is waiting to be discovered, and you can but make of it what you will. 47) Remember that not everyone is a cheater – Sure, the statistics in today’s modern world may seem a little ‘high’ but not everyone is a cheater. Don’t judge everyone as though they have it in them. You may just drive away a diamond in the rough. 48) Just simply be your most authentic you! – Trying to change yourself to keep someone interested is never going to work, and you will only find true happiness and attract a match most suited to you when you are being your most real self. Give yourself a break, relax, and know, that in doing nothing more than just being you you will attract someone on your wavelength and the road to happiness may be a lot closer and easier than you think!
Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner
49) Be grateful what you have experienced- crazy as it sounds, but it’s when we’re not constantly changing and experiencing life’s lessons that we have reached the end of our journey. You are alive and the fact that you are ‘feeling’ shows that you are a loving, emotional person. It’s time to take the moral of this story and begin to write your next chapter.
To find out how to catch a cheating spouse or partner, visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com.
Visit www.BustACheatingPartner.com To Catch A Cheating Spouse Or Partner