WELLNESS

Navigating Relationships

In this month of love, we talk about the confession of love but we often seem to ignore the small cracks in our relationships. We seem to dismiss all the warning signs in a relationship until it leads to heartbreak. In this interesting conversation with Dr Zainab Saleem Naikoo, we discuss some important factors surrounding relationships.

Dr Zainab Saleem Naikoo is a Clinical and Counselling Psychologist and she specialises in Marital and Couple Counseling. She has many research papers published as well, Rise of Divorce In Sunni community (2019), PCOD and Self-esteem issues (2020), Covid anxiety in Students (2020) and Infidelity in Relationship (2021). She is the Head of the Dept, Dept Of Psychology at St.Ann's College for Women, Hyderabad. She also works as a Clinical Psychologist at Lifeline Hospital.

Why is intimacy important and what role does it play in a couple’s relationship? Intimacy is a feeling that one has when they trust and love someone like no other. It is the ability to let someone in through kissing, holding hands, cuddling, and skin-to-skin touching. Intimacy helps couples to cultivate the habit of closeness. Emotional intimacy can be one of the most important factors of a relationship. A big part of intimacy is sharing your thoughts, feelings and listening to your partner. Intimacy is important in a relationship because it brings couples close and their bond grows stronger it brings a sense of security in the relationship and sexual desires are also fulfilled.

Why do couples over the years tend to lose intimacy? Intimacy plays a major role in the smooth sailing of a relationship but in certain situations, this can be affected by lack of communication, stress, arguments, sudden anger outburst, not paying attention to your partner's needs, If there is no physical attraction etc.

How important is it for couples to communicate and understand each other? Communication is the key to any relationship. But when it comes to couples they need to communicate and share. When you communicate it shows that you are interested in him or her and it also helps the couple to understand each other. Effective communication is very important to discuss everything in the relationship let that be a fight or an argument or love. It helps couples to connect and develop trust and faith in a relationship. Also, communication does not mean you taunt your partner, yell or shout at your spouse, compare them with others or nag when they are back home from a long day. Effective and formal communication should be used to strengthen relationships. Couples have to be more respectful towards each other, they have to be more specific to the problem, have face to face conversations rather than texting. They have to be tolerant and not be defensive all the time.

Is it true that stress can cause damage to a relationship? If so, how does stress affect a relationship? Yes, stress can cause 100% damage to the relationship. Some of the major causes can be, children, finances, personal trauma, work commitment, and new changes in life.

How important is it for a couple to understand each other’s mental health issues? As an adult in a relationship, you are in charge of your mental health. Sometimes your significant other suffer silently and sometimes it can get really difficult to talk openly about any mental health issue. But if you see your partner isolating, zoning out, not paying attention, concentrating on himself or herself, loss of appetite or change in mood. You must communicate and see what is bothering them. Significant others can play an integral role in aiding the mentalhealth healing of their partner by showing compassion and care to communicate and be attentive to your partner. Listen to them carefully.

What is codependency in a relationship? Is it important for a couple to establish codependency? Codependent relationships occur when each partner abdicates responsibility for themselves. Generally, one partner is the "taker" while the other is the "caretaker," although these roles can switch depending on the issue. No, it's not important to establish codependency in a relationship it can cause ego and self-esteem issues in the relationship.

What steps should a couple take if their partner exhibits anger issues and other similar issues? These are the most important steps couples can take. 1. Compassion and Patience It is important to understand the more vulnerable emotions that anger is hiding, such as fear, hurt, sadness, or pain. Likely, your partner is not able to safely access these emotions or address them. Take some responsibility, to be responsible in a relationship is to take responsibility for your role

in being frustrated with your partner’s anger, and reflecting on what actions may have triggered their anger. 2. De-escalate Do not return to anger with anger, instead of control your emotions. 3. Address the conflict when you are both calm As mentioned before, when you or your partner are angry or emotionally charged, your cognitive state is likely to be impaired.

How can couples patch their relationship after a rough fight? The first step toward the resolution of conflict is the acceptance of the fact that fights and arguments are a part of every relationship. 1. Say sorry A sincere, heartfelt apology is one of the basic and simplest things you can do to resolve a fight. 2. Shower them with love Fights can instil doubts about one’s decision to be with their partner. 3. Prioritise your relationship Prioritising your relationship and partner is one of the best ways to repair the damage caused by a big fight. 4. Avoid giving cold shoulder to your partner It is natural to need some time to calm down after a fight. It helps you gather your thoughts and understand the situation at hand. Lastly, a big no to the silent treatment.

Is ownership and apologizing part of a healthy relationship? Apology always plays a major role in the relationship. Sometimes you have to be the bigger person in the relationship and apologize first because there is no ego in a relationship it's always about love.

What are the 3 things a couple should always focus on in their relationship? 3 things couples should always focus on is Understand each other's values. Never let any 3 parties interfere in their matters Express love, say I love you more often and compliment each other.