COVER STORY

Celebrating Motherhood

Agatha Christie once wrote, “A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path” We cannot think of anything that describes a mother’s love more appropriately. The first Mother’s Day was celebrated in 1914 and today after over a century, Mother's Day is still celebrated across the globe to celebrate mothers and to express respect and love towards them. We often hear about mothers doing it all without a hint of complaint, from handling careers to household, being the light in their children’s life to holding families together. So, we reached out to a few inspiring and incredible mothers from Hyderabad and had a heart-to-heart conversation with them. Let’s read what they have to say.

Sabiha Ali

Sabiha Ali is a certified Life and Relationship Coach and a Fashion Stylist. She Loves gardening & reading.

What is your favorite mother-children bonding activity?

What really binds us is communication. We make it a point to spend at least a little time every day talking to each other, sharing whatever is going on in our lives, and discussing important matters if need be. We laugh a lot together and crack up over the silliest things sometimes. Other than this, we go for drives together and dine out at our favorite places often.

What is something you look up to your children for?

My children are my best friends and I do nothing without discussing with them first. I value the insights that they provide and sometimes the guidance that I receive from them is nothing less than the sagest counsel.

How did motherhood change you and a word to mothers out there?

Other than being the mother of two girls, I'm the mother of two Tom cats and five dogs! Being a mother teaches a woman compassion, patience, endurance, and the ability to function as a team rather than an individual. It is a roller coaster ride of happiness, pain, struggle, amusement, wonder, and constant learning and discovery. It is about rediscovering yourself in a way you never really knew yourself to be and it's about giving up your own ideal way of shaping your children into how you want them to be and what you want them to do in order to allow for them to blossom and grow into an expression of who THEY really wish to be and do what they want to do. To grant them the freedom to find their own happiness be it in their personal or professional lives and to respect the individual choices that they make is integral for a parent. Parental support bolsters a child's confidence in himself so my advice to parents is never to stint on that.

Karen Bhatia

Karen Campos Bhatia is a Lifestyle Expert, Nutritionist, and an Exercise Physiologist. She is the founder of Vigor Health Consulting and mother of 3 children, Kiara who is 18 years old, Liam, who is 16 years old, and Kian, who is 12 years old. Karen will be a mother for 18+ years, this year and she says, there is nothing that comes close to what a privilege it has been, to be a mother to these three children. For her, motherhood has been a great learning curve but also a very humbling experience. As a mother, she says it is her responsibility not just to raise them safe and healthy but also for them to be responsible individuals. She adds that she learns something new every day from her children, and from her mother, she learns what an unconditional giver means.

What describes your perfect day with your children/ family?

Family means a lot to me and not just my immediate family, I have grown up with a huge extended family so we are all very close. For me a perfect day is, going about doing what we all need to do, staying connected through the day, and ending a day with a meal together where we all chat, laugh, talk about crazy stuff and catch up on life. As a family for us, dinner time is always a special time because it allows us to finally unwind and just enjoy each other’s company.

How do you set healthy boundaries with your children?

We always made sure our children are brought up, knowing that they are loved and cared for but also knowing that in our family, respect for each other is very important. While we are very connected to each other, we also understand and share a clear perspective on our boundaries with each other, giving each other the space, we need to grow - knowing fully well that we have a loving family to fall back on. Where food is concerned from the beginning as a family, I have insisted on a very clear understanding of what moderation means. Boundaries are very important not just for our children but for us as parents. For instance, screen time comes with rules for them as well as for us.

How did motherhood change you and a word to mothers out there?

The biggest change was I stopped being a carefree person and became someone who is suddenly more aware of the dangers in this world. At the same time, motherhood made me focus on setting an example for my children and teaching them through my experiences. I became a mother! My children are the best gift I ever received. Be yourselves. There is no one way of mothering. Allow yourself to find your own version that works for you and your children. Be kind to yourself and don’t feel guilty for living a life that is beyond just being a mother and if you choose to be just a mother then don’t look outside and feel bad for giving the rest up. Own your own brand of mothering!

How do you practice self-care, balancing professional and personal time?

It’s difficult. In the early years, I used to feel guilty for wanting my own life but I have learned that in order for me to be a better mother I need to be a happy and fulfilled person. I manage my day on a schedule so I get everything done in an orderly way. My time at work is only my time at work and my time with my family is also only my time with them - and everyone whether at work or home is aware and respectful of my boundaries.

Mansi Batra

Mansi Batra is a homemaker and a full-time mother. She says her world has completely changed after giving birth to her beautiful daughter, Punika who is 3.5 years old. She adds that she used to run away from kids and never liked them but her daughter has changed her perception of kids. She says motherhood has been a journey from being a silly girl to a woman, and the best journey of her life.

What is something you admire about your daughter?

Well, there is so much to learn from kids. We think that we teach them everything but the truth is they teach us the deepest things of life, be it unconditional love or trust given to you by your child. Her innocence and her hugging me with the same affection and love in spite of me sometimes scolding her speaks volumes to me.

What effect did COVID and more family time have on your relationship with your daughter?

Covid and the whole lockdown situation bought us closer. She was just 1 year old when lockdown started n I was blessed to see her grow every minute. My husband and I spent the most beautiful days and nights with her, playing with her, seeing her walk, and listening to her talk. It was a break from schedules, rules, and restrictions. All we did was ate together, played together, and stayed together. Indeed, it seemed like a blessing in those moments.

What is your favorite activity or a hobby with your daughter?

The best time that my husband and I enjoy with Punika is bedtime. She calls it a family time when all three of us sit and play games, do silly things, tickle each other, have a pillow fight and there is a family hug to sum it up before we wish each other goodnight and sleep. This is a daily ritual that we look forward to on daily basis.

Something about your child that reminds you of your childhood? And any advice or suggestions to parents?

Hahaha, she is so particular about her clothes, shoes, and accessories which is exactly how I was as a kid. She is a foodie and so am I. She is very talkative and my parents say she left me behind in that category. Every child is different and so is every mom so my suggestion would be to just be a free spirit and let your child be one, and enjoy this whole experience of motherhood.

Suchita Ahuja

Suchita Ahuja is a businesswoman who pioneered the brand Yuva By Neerus along with her husband. She is the mother of 2 girls, Ruhani, who is 13yrs, and Hunnar, who is 10yrs old. Suchita explains that ‘Mother’ for her, is not just a name of just any relationship but it’s a relationship that stands above every other relationship on the face of the Earth. When she was just a daughter, she says, she never understood the depth of motherhood, but now that she is a mother herself, she understands what a blessing it is to be one.

What would be your advice to first-time mothers?

We as first-time mothers were always open to and valued advice from the elders of the family whereas the first-time mothers now have a very 'I know best' attitude or believe that they know it all. To them I would like to say having been there done that, don't underestimate the years of experience your family comes with and take pride in the upbringing you yourself have received from the older generation.

How do you find a balance between your professional career and personal life?

As the saying goes, behind every successful man there is a woman, I strongly believe behind a successful working mom is an incredibly supportive husband and very understanding in-laws. In my case, I am lucky to have both. Balancing home and work thus came very naturally to me and never at the cost of my kids feeling neglected. They have always been surrounded by family even at times when I have had to work late hours or have had to travel for work. Not only have my girls grown up in a secure environment but also grown up knowing the importance of work in a woman's life. My children have always been my priority and will continue to be so. Having said that my work gives me a feeling of selfworth which is also very important.

What are the boundaries set for your kids, be it food or activities, etc?

I am a very strict so to say, practical mother, and from the very beginning, I have not taken over-the-top tantrums from my kids. Parallelly, I am their greatest confidant in their tough times. I have been the first to punish them when they went wrong and in contrast, the first one to pat their back and express happiness when they have achieved something small or big. I have set some basic rules from the very beginning over junk food, and screen times which they follow very religiously and I hold pride in saying so. In this entire process of grooming my kids, my husband and my in-laws have played a very major role. We as a family are very spiritual and have made sure to inculcate the same values in our kids. This is what gives them a perfect balance of love and respect that they never overlook. The ‘Attitude of Gratitude’ is always present in both, Ruhani and Hunnar which I feel is the grounds of every teaching.

What does independence mean to you and how do you practice self-care?

For me, independence doesn’t mean taking ‘a break’ from my kids or husband. I love their company and love to be with my family at all times. We are great travel partners and love to take small holidays here and there. However, if I do need to unwind sometime, I have my set of friends who are always available through thick n thin. I also love doing Spas so my regular salon visits for my ‘me time’ and self-care days. Apart from this, I have a great family and I love being amidst them. Also, my spiritual inclination helps me stand strong whenever need be!

Namrata Sadhvani

Namrata Sadhvani is an award-winning blogger, social media influencer, editor, workshop facilitator, architect, and educationist based in Hyderabad. On social media, she is known as the ‘Nizami Mom’. She is mum to twin 9-year-old boys - a Jill of all trades is what she calls herself. She says motherhood is simultaneously magical and manic, miraculous and madness. It has made her realize her power as a woman and how she can be a strong force for social change. Once motherhood became a part of her identity, her perception of the world changed. She says, she wanted to make the world a better place for her children and thus automatically held up a mirror to her own soul & realized what truly matters to her. What followed was a drive to be the change - starting from her own home to the world outside.

What is your favorite mother-children bonding activity?

Reading, reading, and some more reading. I am a total bookworm and since they were babies, I have always encouraged Agastya and Advait to read. There were and still are books in all corners of our home, in easily accessible places. My kids also love reading now and some of my favorite moments of the day are when we are all engrossed in our books, enjoying each other's company in silence. I also love reading to them, bedtime is usually reserved for read-aloud. It helps us stay connected in so many ways!

What is a stereotype about mothers that you grew up listening to and realized it's not true in your motherhood journey?

That motherhood is joyous, but it is also very exhausting and it is IMPOSSIBLE to enjoy it at all times. Yes, I do feel blessed to be a mother, but I don't enjoy every moment of the journey and that's completely OK. I always felt earlier that as a mother I would have to be the perfect role model for my kids, but now I know that it is ok to show them the human side of me which is the reality. It helps us connect better and also set realistic expectations for our relationship.

Mothers of this generation understand the concept and value of mental health so how do you maintain or plan to maintain an open dialogue with your kids?

Since the beginning, I have always encouraged my boys to tell me about their days, their activities, their friends, etc. There is nothing that we don't discuss and the conversations are only getting more interesting as they are growing up. Some days we talk about who is the best avenger, on others how do we keep ourselves safe from sexual abuse. We discuss which kind of pasta is delicious with as much enthusiasm as the need for consent. I hope my kids always know that I will believe them and trust their word over everyone else's - no matter what the situation. I think it's important for all of us to ensure an open line of conversation with our kids and ensure they are getting the right, age-appropriate information from us in all matters rather than half-baked, incorrect assumptions from others! This is a constant effort from my end as a mother to ensure their good mental, social, emotional, and intellectual health!

What is something you look up to your children for?

Patience, resilience, and courage. Children will do something 100 times till they get it right. They withstood the whole pandemic with a smile, never rueing that they had gone without seeing their friends and school for close to 2 years. They jump off tables, climb walls, run over mounds and play with insects - there is no fear. There is so much to watch, learn and observe from kids and I honestly feel that I am a more patient, resilient, and courageous woman today because of my kids!

Shruti Sarin

Shruti Sarin is the founder of The Luxe Affaire and mother of a 2-year-old, Kiara Sarin Gokhale who finished her Parent Toddler and is now on her next journey, starting Nursery. Shruti Sarin explains motherhood for her has been something magical, beyond words. She found her best friend in Kiara and just bringing her up has filled her heart with unconditional love.

What is something you admire about your child and what was the most rewarding thing about raising her?

Kiara is very kind for her age. Her innocence, selflessness, and her kindness when it comes to sharing things are some things that I admire about her. The most rewarding thing about being a mother is receiving all the love from your child. Kiara’s tight hugs and kisses are what keep me going strong no matter what.

What has been the hardest thing about being a mom?

I think the hardest thing for me as a mother was wanting to do it all without choosing to get help. I did not choose to have a nanny and I wanted to bring her up, my way and give her all my time and attention. The only downside is that I probably have lesser time for myself but the time spent with her makes it all worth it.

What did the quarantine experience teach you and how did it impact your relationship with your child?

Kiara was born on the 3rd of April, just when the 1st lockdown started. Although I was blessed to be with my family in Bangalore, it definitely was tough. What quarantine taught me is who and what matters in life, which in my case is family. Family is the key. The value family holds in your life is something we probably take for granted, the whole covid quarantine just brought us all very close and I couldn’t have been happier that my husband, Kiara, and I spent the most beautiful months together with my parents.

What would be your suggestion to mothers?

I would say that motherhood is magical yet hard. It’s never always easy. It’s a constant struggle to make sure you are doing the right thing for your child and giving them the best always! In a world where information is available all around you, it can get overwhelming but what helped me through my journey is my instinct. I believe. the mother always knows what’s right. Just listen to yourself when in doubt and you will have your answer, trust your instinct and believe in yourself.

Dr. Neeshma Reddy

Dr. Neeshma Reddy is a Consultant Radiologist in Nikhil hospitals and a Talent partner for Aha (OTT). She is a mother to twin girls, Nitara and Niara who are six years old. She says motherhood is a beautiful emotion. It is something that has to be felt and cannot be described in words, no matter how hard you try.

How has the motherhood experience been for you till now?

For me, motherhood is a divine emotion, an incomparable feeling. A mother shares the most beautiful and strongest bond with her child. It makes me the happiest person on the earth; however, this happiness comes with a huge share of responsibilities. My life as a mom is filled with hectic schedules, just like any other working mother. The moment you become a mother, you start respecting your mother even more. All the things she did for you now seem so huge. You start wondering if you can ever repay her for the sacrifices, she made for you. I myself think about this every day.

What is something you learned from your children?

Kids teach us a lot. My kids are very interested in and fascinated by everything, be it a small or a big thing. They may feel shy for a few minutes around new people but they are not afraid to meet people, they are open to and enjoy meeting new people. I admire how intuitive they are, the ability to ‘just be’. Their unconditional love inspires me. As Paulo Coelho said, ‘A child can teach an adult three things - To be happy for no reason. To always be busy with something. And to know how to demand with all his might that which he desires.”

Being a doctor in itself is a responsibility and a consuming profession, so any time management tips for working mothers on that front?

The importance of time management cannot be questioned. It allows you to do everything effortlessly and to deliver the best version of yourself at any point. Here are some of the things I would suggest for quality time management. • Analyse your Schedule • Make a To-Do List • Avoid Switching the Television Set On • Divide the Work Amongst Your Family Members • Try to Make your Kids Self Reliant • Assigns Simple Tasks to Your Kids

What is one thing you learned from your mother / a piece of her advice; you live by?

I was raised by a working woman. My mother is a Civil engineer. One thing I learned from her is work-life balance. I try my best to implement the same in my life. She taught me how to be brave by not really saying much but actually being brave in the face of adversity. During a crisis, a mother is a glue that holds a family together so that they can tide over the difficulty they are facing. If it weren't for their bravery, families would probably fall apart at the first sign of struggle.