The Heavy Burden of My DDs

The Heavy Burden of My DDs

WORDS Ashmitaa Thiruselvam @ashmitaa___

ILLUSTRATION Gabrielle Poh @mochirune

The big titty committee. A term that I am all too familiar and have a bittersweet relationship with. Growing up, bra shopping was and still is an absolute nightmare for me. I try to put it off for as long as I can, to be honest. Just the idea of having to stand in the changing room, half naked while a slightly older woman wraps her measuring tape around all areas of my chest, gives me second-hand embarrassment. I know that this is just a fragment of my already-existing insecurities and that the bra lady literally does not care, but that whole ordeal makes me uncomfortable. By the time it’s over, I am directed to a tiny rack of nude or black bras tailored to my DDs, looking like they have come straight from my grandmother’s wardrobe. Comfortable, sure, but not sexy in the slightest.

Having to plan an outfit for a day or night out never fails to instil a sense of anxiety in me. An oversized top? My boobs make my body look larger than it actually is. What about a pretty, form-fitting blouse? Nope, then my cleavage would be visible. My friends often compliment my boobs, telling me that they look amazing in certain dresses or tops. Despite their purest of intentions and flattery, I definitely don’t feel this way most of the time. Even when wearing the most basic of basic tops, my boobs are the main attraction and I constantly feel oversexualised for simply wearing clothes.

Running on a treadmill whilst having to hold on to my chest, like those hentai waifus, is an Olympic sport in itself. This may sound like a ‘suffering from success’ sort of moment, but it’s really not. Oh, and you may be thinking, “why don’t you just wear a sports bra?”. Well, I’m here to tell you that it’s almost impossible. Finding a good, supportive and big-boobie-friendly sports bra is extremely rare, or just really, really expensive. I think I might just opt for speed walking in the gym to save myself the backache.

One time at work, I was required to wear a button-up top as part of my uniform (one of my worst nightmares). It was not until a female coworker came up to me, in front of all my colleagues, mind you, that I found out that my shirt had unbuttoned itself to expose my bright pink bra. Since that day, I have refused to wear button-up shirts.

Just a couple of nights ago, I was watching How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and was so incredibly envious of all the small and mediumchested girls rocking such cute dresses and tops. You know that infamous yellow backless dress that Kate Hudson wears? Oh, how I wish I could pull off something like that! Unless I am trying to risk a nip slip, this timeless 2003 moment will remain an unattainable dream. Strapless bras were never made to support big chests, and are just as effective as not wearing a bra at all (both are useless). Going braless is also a big no, because remember? Gravity exists.

Having big boobs is not really all that, but I have to admit that sometimes I do have my moments. Let’s be honest, my boobs look incredible in certain tops. Heck! Sometimes I get a little scandalous and wear a low-cut top if I’m really feeling myself that day. But unfortunately, the negatives definitely outweigh the positives for me, especially because I just don’t think that my boobs are proportionate to my body. Overall, I have a love-hate relationship with my girls — but we’re working on it, I promise!