FIRST TIME COUNSELING 10 Things You Need to Know By: Kristen Friday
To start things off, I just want to say that I don’t know everything and I won’t claim to, but I have had my fair share of counseling and am on my way to making it my vocation. I will be drawing on my own experiences as well as research that I have done. But most of these are things I wish I had known when I began counseling. The one thing I cannot stress enough is: Counseling is about YOU. You are not there to please the therapist, and there is no “right” way to do therapy. You get to say what works and what doesn’t and what you want to work on, etc. At the end of the day, counseling is supposed to be effective, and it’s up to you and your counselor to figure out what works well for both of you. Deciding to go to counseling is no easy choice. It took me two years to muster up the courage. So no matter how long it’s taken to get to this point, count this is a victory. You should feel very proud that you are taking this step. Know that I am proud of you as well. My hope is that you would lean into courage, take this step, and just be you.
#1
Feel whatever you feel.
Going to counseling for the first time can be a scary and nerve wracking experience. I was so nervous to go for the first time and I told myself I had to be strong and get it together, but I wasn’t being fair to myself in that moment. I was stifling my feelings and putting on a front, which is the exact opposite of what counseling is actually about. Counseling is the place you should be able to take off your masks and be the place you can feel and just be. So, you ARE allowed to feel scared, or nervous, or excited if that’s where you are. There is no specific way you are required to feel, so give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel.
#2 Come prepared.
First sessions typically last about 90 minutes. (Plan for two hours – having a little time to debrief afterwards is extremely helpful) You will have paperwork to complete first, but then expect and be prepared to talk a lot about your background, family dynamic, and immediate factors that led you to counseling, etc. First sessions are typically pretty general in order for you to begin to feel comfortable and for your counselor to begin to understand you and start looking for patterns that might be important to examine as your relationship develops. Coming prepared with what you have been feeling, what led you to actually coming in, and what you would like to work on gives some direction as to how questions will go and how successful your first session will be. You should talk about how you’re feeling about being there and what you want to get out of counseling. Making a list of these thoughts and feelings can be helpful to help you remember and share.
Ask them to #3
explain their process and style.
The first time I went to counseling I had just graduated high school and had no idea what to expect, what she was going to be like, what our sessions were going to look like, or what I was supposed to say, etc. But I also didn’t ask either. My advice to you is to ask those questions and whatever else comes to mind. Ask them about their style: How do they approach difficult topics? How do they ask questions? And share with them what works well for you. Counseling is about you, so your counselor will want to do what is going to be most helpful for you and if they are unable to do that, they have the opportunity to communicate that early on so you have the option to try someone different before you both get invested in the counseling relationship.
#4 Counseling is a
You and are counselor are going to be working as a team. You want to feel comfortable and safe and have a good connection that will develop into a trusting relationship. First sessions can often be a good indication of whether or not you click and if it will become a good relationship. Sometimes it’s very clear you are not going to work well together. Do NOT be afraid to say that. Counselors would much rather hear it’s not going to work out than have you struggle to form a connection for a couple sessions and it not be helpful. It may be uncomfortable for you to say “I don’t think I’m going to return,” but I promise it’s worth it if you’re not feeling it. They may even be able to connect you with another counselor that would work better for you and your needs.
relationship.
Communication #5
Counseling can be hard, especially if you have a hard time sharing the hard, messy parts of your life. But that is normal. Everyone shares things differently and the more your counselor knows about how you process and work through things the more effective they can be for you. I know in every one of my sessions it is hard for me to get to the point I really want to talk about, and I typically don’t gain the courage to bring it up until the end, so sometimes there’s not enough time to properly discuss it. Sharing that with my counselor allows her to be mindful of that and ask if there is anything I haven’t said yet, when we still have enough time left to discuss it. It is helpful to teach your counselor how to treat and care for you.
is key.
#6 Talk about your “hot buttons”
Talking about your “hot buttons” is a really beneficial thing to do at the beginning of a counseling relationship because it helps you get to know a little bit about each other. The best time to do this is early on, before emotions in the heat of the moment come into play. Talking about these things can help to preserve the relationship and increase productivity in session. Don’t be afraid to share any negative feelings you have about your counselor with them. They want to help you and if they are doing something that bothers you they will make an effort to change that. But they can’t read your mind so you have to speak up.
#7 Go at your own pace. Counseling is about you. You don’t have to share any more than you want to share. Your first session will be general things and maybe specific things that are currently happening, but don’t feel pressured to tell your whole life story in the first session. There will be parts of your story that will take you longer to be ready to share – that is perfectly okay. Your counselor may question a deeper issue, but just know you are allowed to say you don’t want to talk about it yet. They will respect that and if they don’t, you should address that. This is your counseling, so you share at your own pace.
#8
Relapse is a part of progress. You counselor is going to meet you where you are and not expect perfection or for you to immediately abstain from whatever negative coping skills you struggle with. They know very well that change just doesn’t work that way. They will encourage and teach new, healthier coping skills, but won’t try to take your old ones away until you are ready to make that change. So if you end up relapsing, or fear you’re on the verge of relapsing don’t be hesitant or scared to tell them. The want to help you and by knowing about it, you can talk about what happened and what led up to it and how it might be prevented next time. I once had a counselor tell me over and over that relapse is not failure, because progress is not linear and it was really helpful for me to continually be reminded of that.
#9 Diagnoses do NOT define you. I personally am not a fan of counselors sharing their diagnosis after the first session because there is always much more beneath the surface than what is originally presented. However, most insurance companies will not pay without a diagnosis. So for insurance purposes, some counselors will make a preliminary diagnosis that may change as your counseling continues, but whatever it is does not define who you are. Each person is their own set of unique symptoms and struggles, and every person deals with them differently. So try to resist succumbing to what others might want to label you as, because you will always be so much more than what your diagnosis tries to confine you to.
#10
Reflect afterward. In my personal opinion, I find reflection to be one of the most important steps to successful counseling. I find it important because it’s a way for me to keep a record of how I feel I’m doing at counseling and how I am feeling about each session. This is helpful for me to review to see if any changes need to be made. Journaling is what works well for me but if that’s not something you enjoy, try asking a trusted friend if they would be willing to listen and offer their own thoughts if you want them.
References 7 things to do during your first therapy appointment. (2011, August 28). Re trieved July 18, 2017, from http://drjeffblog.blogspot.com/2011/08/7 things-to-do-during-your-first.html Sherman, M. (2010, May 04). Your First Therapy Session. Retrieved July 18, 2017, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/re al-men-dont-write-blogs/201005/your-first-therapy-session D. S. (2011, July 20). What to Expect in Your First Therapy Ses sion. Retrieved July 18, 2017, from https://drgeraldstein.wordpress. com/2009/07/09/what-to-expect-in-your-first-therapy-session/ Chan, A. L. (2014, January 22). Going To Therapy For The First Time? Here's What To Expect. Retrieved July 18, 2017, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/01/22/first-time-at-therapy _n_4612858.html Marter, J., LCPC. (2014, January 27). Tips To Lessen Anxiety Before Your First Therapy Appointment. Retrieved July 18, 2017, from https://urbanbalance.com/tips-to-lessen-anxiety-be fore-your-first-therapy-appointment/ FAQs, T. (2016, March 08). What Will Happen in my First Therapy Session? Retrieved July 18, 2017, from http://www.goodtherapy.org/ blog/faq/what-will-happen-in-my-first-therapy-session Bressert, S., Ph.D. (2016, July 17). What to Expect in Your First Counseling Session. Retrieved July 17, 2017, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/ what-to-expect-in-your-first-counseling-session/ (PIcture Credits: T.R.H.- notesontheway.com)
2017 Kristen Friday Designed by Antonio Wooten and Raquel Blandon