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PRAY TELL: WHAT INSPIRES OUR CHILDREN TO PRAY? BY R A B B I M E YE R L A N I A D O
“What I plead for is the creation of a prayer atmosphere. Such an atmosphere is ... created by ... the example of prayer, by a person who prays. You create that atmosphere not around you but within you.” Rabbi Abraham Joshua Heschel critiques the pulpit rabbi in his book on prayer Man’s Quest for God. He argues that it is not the sermon that is most impactful, but the rabbi’s role modeling, his being, and genuine expression, which effectuates a transformation in the congregant. In inspiring our communities, we create new programs, restructure the learning, establish reward systems and incentives, but often overlook the most impactful resource we have: our own passion and commitment. Whether as rabbis leading our congregations or parents guiding our families, we must model our convictions and engage our children. As sociologist Christian Smith said concerning his study on religious continuity: “No other conceivable causal influence... comes remotely close to matching the influence of parents on the religious faith and practices of youth.” We may verbally express to our children
what is important but not realize the effect of incongruence between home and school, either a tension or a compartmentalization of, “This is what we do in school, and this is what we do at home.” In this light, I would like to re-emphasize the critical role of a parental partnership with educators in modeling the values, ethics, and beliefs at home and engaging one’s children in religious experiences outside of school. We should not underestimate the detrimental effect of a lack of these powerful experiential moments.
Our greatest rabbi and teacher, Moshe Rabbenu, while an exceptional role model for Benei Yisrael, had grandchildren who were idolatrous priests (Shofetim 18:30 and Talmud Bavli Bava Batra 109b). Our shock at this outcome is due to our failure to realize that Moshe’s family interactions are nearly absent from the Humash. Comparing him with our forefathers brings this to light. Like many of the stories of our forefathers, we learn about Moshe’s early family life, how he met his wife outside of Egypt, in a place called Midian, and had two children. After the birth of his sons, though, we only have one or two fleeting references
R abbi M eyer L aniado / / K E H I L AT H J E S H U R U N B U L L E T I N
to his family. This is in contrast to the numerous chapters dedicated to how our forefathers interacted with God alongside their families. With Moshe, all of the momentous experiences are away from his family. After about a year of separation, Moshe’s father-in-law brings Moshe’s wife, and, as the text portrays it, her two sons (Shemot 18:5). Moshe goes out to greet Yitro. They prostrate towards each other, embrace, catch up, and talk (Shemot 18:7-9). Yitro is described as being thrilled by all that he hears, but there is no mention of Moshe’s wife and sons. Did Moshe not greet them, embrace them, ask them how they were doing, fill them in on all that happened over the past year? The text is descriptive in its silence. Moshe’s sons may have suffered from what we now call Preacher’s Child Syndrome, wherein rabbis’ children perceive their fathers as being overinvolved with synagogue life. Unlike rabbis, however, our national leader, Moshe, was given a unique allencompassing mission directly from God. When Moshe’s siblings, Miriam and Aharon, lamented Moshe’s separation from his wife, God chastised them, and Miriam was stricken with sara’at (leprosy). God clarified at that time that Moshe’s situation was unique, and he had to separate from his family to maintain a certain level of focus (Bemidbar 12:6-10). The sacrifice, though, was that his children and grandchildren were offered on the altar of community. In addition, Moshe’s sons lost out on the impact of powerful experiences while they were with their mother in
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