The Accidental
EXISTENTIALIST JAN/FEB 2018
Introduction Welcome to the first issue of “The Accidental Existentialist.” We hope you find it informative and thought provoking. It was created to serve as a hub for the larger existential community, and its various orientations of narrative and creative approaches to psychology. Thus, the task of this magazine is to cultivate the ideas, dynamic theories and creative discourse associated with existential psychology and psychotherapy to promote these as essential components within mainstream counseling and therapy. We strongly believe, and evidence supports, our lives are rooted in the fundamental struggles and paradoxes inherent to human existence. Our mission is to impact and improve the human condition by promoting existentialism as a vehicle for the development of the human arts and sciences through the further study of meaning, freedom, isolation, spirituality, creativity and death. We have the capacity to understand our own mortality and these shadows and thoughts often present to us a universal and personal death anxiety, which in turn generates anxiety regarding our life choices. Unsettling and challenging external forces, such as injustice, racism, poverty, climate change, and traumatic events can likewise test our capacity to make sense of our lives. These are the challenges and predicaments of our generation. Moreover, these are the issues that plague modern psychology, and we can no longer ignore them. As James Hillman often noted, “Something different is needed.” Our field can no longer be content with diagnosis and evidence-based treatments as the only solution. The dialogue must shift, the bar must be raised, and the time to understand that authentic change starts within – is now.
Photograph by Fredrick Kearney Jr. @ Unsplash.com
- don
Contents
Cover Photograph by Alexander Andrews @ Unsplash.com
Page 9
4
|
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
Page 6
Page 10-14
COURAGE, FAITH & MEANING
6
BOOK REVIEW
8
RESOURCES
9
SEXUALITY AND SOCIAL ISSUES IN FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
10
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
15
Dr. Paul T.P. Wong
As I Knew Him: My Dad Rod Serling by Anne Serling
Page 8-9
Cassandra Moffat
Page 15
JAN / FEB 2018
|
5
COURAGE, FAITH & MEANING:
Existential Positive Psychology’s Answer to Adversity Dr. Paul T. P. Wong The 10th annual International Meaning Conference will be held in Vancouver, Canada this summer. Conference founder Dr. Paul T.P. Wong is certain this year’s meeting will be timelier than ever. Dr. Wong shares five compelling reasons why you should consider attending this year’s Meaning Conference.
Photograph by Kalen Emsley @ Unsplash.com 6
|
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
1 2 3 4
This conference marks the 20th Anniversary of the International Network on Personal Meaning – the brain child of Dr. Paul T. P. Wong, who turned 80 this year. To celebrate this important milestone, many colleagues and friends of Dr. Wong will be speaking at the Celebration banquet. This will be the first time you will hear the inspiring story of INPM and the long list of distinguished psychologists who have spoken at past Meaning Conferences. You will want to be part of this event, especially if Dr. Wong’s writings have positively impact your life. The conference theme: “Courage, Faith & Meaning: Existential Positive Psychology’s Answer to Adversity” is extremely timely and relevant in our time of existential crisis and national distress. Today, we are confronted with serious challenges. We may either regress to infantile defense mechanisms, or cope with wisdom, courage and faith. We may either resort to aggressive, depression or addiction, or discover deeper meaning, higher purpose and mature happiness. It will be exciting for you to be among the brightest minds in charting a positive response to today’s challenges. This year’s Second Wave Positive Psychology Summit (PP2.0) is bigger and better. There will be two panels, one on Global Wellbeing & Mature Happiness and another on Meaning & Courage. Panelists include Carole Ryff, Michael Steger, Ken Sheldon, Veronica Huta, Tim Lomas, Phil Watkins, Michael Bond, Roger Tweeds and Pninit Russo-netzer. Come and learn why PP2.0 has radically transformed how we think about positivity and how we conduct research on wellness. Such research not only shines a light in the darkness, but provides a road map to build a better society in spite of all the dark forces in this world. At no other conference will you have the opportunity to witness an active collaboration among researchers with very different theoretical backgrounds. This year’s Meaning Therapy Summit will be an important learning opportunity for psychotherapists, counselors, coaches and psychologists. We are fortunate to have psychologists such as Emmy Van Deurzen, Robert Neimeyer, Joel Vos and Bruce Alexander in attendance. They will demonstrate for us essential concepts and skills needed to address a variety of issues related to existential competency. After many years of struggle against the cognitive-behavioral bias of mainstream psychotherapy, there is now increasing recognition that existential therapy should be treated as a core competency for training and supervision. This comes as no surprise, because our predicaments are often rooted in the fundamental difficulties and paradoxes inherent to human existence. Our capacity to imagine and anticipate our own demise plagues us with universal death anxiety. Our attempt to make the best use of our limited time on earth also generates existential anxiety regarding freedom and choice. The disruptive external forces, such as discrimination, injustice and traumatic events can also tax our capacity to make sense of absurd and tragic happenings.
5
Finally, for those interested in management and positive organization, we have Chris Corrigan, Eileen Dawse, Yarnick Jacob and Ken Howard who will present to us new insights and skills to thrive in today’s fast changing and uncertain environment. From the perspective of PP2.0, we approach development through our strengths. We recognize that enduring positive traits and institutions will emerge by transforming the dark side of human existence away from greed and self-centeredness.
For more information or to register for the 10th annual International Meaning Conference please visit http://meaning.ca/conference.
JAN / FEB 2018
|
7
BOOK REVIEW: As I Knew Him: My Dad, Rod Serling by Anne Serling
The pen of Rod Serling was on fire during television’s first and finest golden age. Serling crafted some of the most memorable and engaging live anthology dramas, while later going on to create, host and write for what is now recognized as a show that was far ahead of its time, “The Twilight Zone.” He was at the top of CBS’ Pantheon during the 1950s and early 1960s. Curiously, The Twilight Zone may appear as nothing more than a black and white production full of aliens, shapeshifters, gremlins, time travelers, malevolent dolls, missing astronauts, and a list of memorable characters as far as the mind can imagine. After all, Mr. Serling both cautioned and tempted us with the opening lines of his now famous introduction to Season 1, “This is the dimension of imagination.” And imagine, he did. Yet, The Twilight Zone was never really about the trappings of science fiction or those overwrought narrative twists, it was about the folly of humankind, and the very nature of our existence. It was about the dreamers, the broken ones, those who wanted nothing more than to cry out against the isolation that irradiated an existential fallout in the United States following Hiroshima and Nagasaki. A cry that is sadly still echoed today. Indeed, it was Serling’s morality and his humanity that made the show so 8
|
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
special, and why it continues to be a part of our social nomenclature in the 21st century. Serling explored the darker side of humanity while understanding that it is in our humanness that we might find salvation. In the episode “Five Characters in Search of an Exit,” the character of the Army Major screams out, “Where are we? What are we? Who are we?” Yet, no one can answer his pleas. The characters are seemingly imprisoned in an absurd cylinder with no beginning and no end. However, as dreadful as that may sound, Serling in his traditional use of wit and irony turns the ending of this episode into a bittersweet reminder that we are all in this together. Anne Serling’s new book “As I Knew Him: My Dad, Rod Serling,” is cut from that same cloth. A reminder that we are connected, no matter how clever we
believe we are, no matter how far we ride on the wheels of technology, we are bound by the one thing we cannot escape, our call to be human. Not only is Ms. Serling’s book essential reading for fans of “The Twilight Zone,” it is a beautifully written memoir; a journey through grief by a young girl who lost her loving dad far too soon. What starts out as a tribute quickly develops into a story that is akin to therapy. Moreover, this is a book that I would and have strongly recommended to clients troubled with complicated grief and loss issues. Ms. Serling paints for us an abstract of her father’s early years and his traumatic experiences in the Pacific theatre during the Second World War. She gently and quite lovingly reconciles the image of the man we all knew with the father she adored and who, in turn, adored her. This is a story told in snapshots. A glimpse of a man who exorcised his demons by creating memorable television while fostering a loving family life at their summer
lake home in Ithaca, New York. Not unlike the character of Martin Sloan in The Twilight Zone episode, “Walking Distance.” Ms. Serling presents us with a portrait of her father who is both successful and broken, longing for a life among the shadow of things that once were. Rod Serling’s closing narration in that episode illuminates his daughter’s prose: “Martin Sloan, age thirty-six, vice-president in charge of media. Successful in most things but not in the one effort that all men try at some time in their lives—trying to go home again. And also like all men perhaps there'll be an occasion, maybe a summer night sometime, when he'll look up from what he's doing and listen to the distant music of a calliope, and hear the voices and the laughter of the people and the places of his past. And perhaps across his mind there'll flit a little errant wish, that a man might not have to become old, never outgrow the parks and the merry-go-rounds of his youth. And he'll smile then too because
he'll know it is just an errant wish, some wisp of memory not too important really, some laughing ghosts that cross a man's mind…” As Rod once said, “Very little comment here.” These are the memories of Anne with her dad. There is a sense of sentimental nostalgia warmed by love and care, and we are given an opportunity to remember and grieve with Anne. A trip down memory lane, as it was and is now. A journey that reminds us that the “givens” of existence are never far from view. Visit Ms. Serling’s website for more info to purchase her memoir: http://www.anneserling.com
Don Laird, MS, NCC, LPC, DCC, is an existential psychotherapist, educator and consultant.
RESOURCES National Suicide Prevention Lifeline +1 (800) 273–8255 National Domestic Violence Hotline +1 (800) 799–7233 Self-Harm Hotline +1 (800) 366–8288 LGBT Hotline +1 (888) 843–4564
Photograph by Tim Goedhart @ Unsplash.com JAN / FEB 2018
|
9
Photograph by Greg Rakozy @ Unsplash.com
Sexuality and Social Issues within the Fifty Shades of Grey Films By Cassandra Moffat With the final installment of the Fifty Shades of Grey films scheduled for a February 2018 release, a dialogue of the psychology contained within the previous films seems fitting. To some, the story of Christian Grey presents subjects that are taboo, while others see it as a trashy romance with elements of soft porn. Yet, in spite of public opinion the story has managed to create its own pop–culture mythology with millions of books and tickets sold. Throughout the series there are issues of child abuse, rape, violence, differing family systems, and the process of change in what it means to be human. For the purpose of this article, I touch on two main topics, including the portrayal of violence against women and the portrayal of BDSM within the films.
10
|
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN
Christian uses intimidating verbal commands in an
While some look at the history of Christian Grey
attempt to manipulate or influence Ana’s behav-
and see a storage unit of psychological baggage,
iors, often isolating her from her friends. In a writ-
others focus on how violence against women is
ten contract he creates for their relationship, she
portrayed throughout the films. One study in
is to spend allotted days with him exclusively
particular claims that “Fifty Shades of Grey is a
during the week away from her social supports. He
lesson in Fifty Shades of Abuse” (Bonomi, Alten-
also makes his frustrations apparent when she is
burger Walton, 2013).
spending time with others and not him, which leads Ana to avoid any social interactions without
There are two poular views that seem to be associ-
Christian. He showers Ana with lavish gifts that she
ated with the character of Christian Grey. The first
does not want, and despite her pleas for him to
is that he is a victim of physical abuse as a child by
discontinue the gifts, he continues to push them
his mother and sexual abuse by his adoptive
upon her.
mother’s friend. Others focus on his controlling personality and his need for violence toward
Anastasia’s reactions to Christian are “consistent
woman. Yet, there may be a false equivalency at
with
work here. Not all abuse victims grow up to be
perceived threat, managing, altered identity,
sexually maladaptive or manipulative.
yearning, entrapment, and disempowerment”
those
of
battered
women,
including
(Bonomi et al., 2013, p. 737). In one particular According to Bonomi et al.(2013), the relationship
scene, Anastasia is horrified after her first experi-
between Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele “is
ence in the “red room,” a place where Christian
characterized by intimate partner violence.” The
takes his “submissives” to engage in intercourse.
conclusions of that study found that “emotional
Following this, she worries that he will continue to
abuse is present in nearly every interaction,
hurt her and that is when she ultimately decides to
including: stalking, intimidation and isolation”
leave him in the first film. Instances of managing
(Bonomi et al., 2013, p. 733). Indeed, throughout
perceived threats are evidenced when Ana begins
the films, the act of stalking is committed on multi-
to avoid social outings without Christian altogeth-
ple occasions by Christian. For instance, he is able
er. Anastasia later notes that her identity has
to locate Ana several times without her having
become altered and feels that she has lost herself
previously disclosed her whereabouts. Moreover,
in Christian. She attempts to rectify the situation
JAN / FEB 2018
|
11
when she leaves Christian, but the pattern persists
and films in this light presents reasonable expla-
as she then agrees to go back to him.
nations as to why people are concerned that media presented in this way condones and glori-
Ana demonstrates sexual yearning and lust
fies violence toward women.
throughout both films, but more importantly she has a desire to “establish intimacy and a normal
BDSM
relationship” (Bonomi, et al., 2013, 738). This is
Another controversial topic that Fifty Shades of
apparent in her attempts to conform their rela-
Grey has presented is that of the BDSM lifestyle.
tionship to what she defines as “normal,” such as
While knowledge of this taboo topic should be
sleeping in the same bed and going on dates.
provided, it should also be discussed in a way that
Christian eventually provides these concessions to
is accurately depicting the lifestyle.
her, leaving one to wonder if this is further manipulation. In spite of Ana’s efforts, Christian contin-
BDSM is actually an abbreviation for three differ-
ues to make comments about how he does not
ent styles. All together it stands for “Bondage and
want to share her with others. He then threatens
Discipline [BD], Dominance and Submission [DS],
to punish her if she disobeys. While the sexual
[and] Sadism and Masochism [SM]” (Freeburg &
manipulation unfolds, Christian begins to disclose
McNaughton, 2017). The dyad with the most
his past. He describes his childhood trauma so
cultural recognition is Sadism and masochism.
that it “allows Ana to rationalize Christian’s abusive
The “S” is often capitalized and the “m” is often in
tactics to be a result of his troubled past” and she
lower case in order to describe the role between
then feels that it is her duty to save him from his
the two persons engaging in this style, which
past and present self (Bonomi et al., 2013, p. 739).
involves “pleasure derived from suffering, be it physical or psychological” (Freeburg & McNaugh-
Dis-empowerment occurs during their sexual
ton, 2017). Domination and submission (D/s)
encounters. Christian admits that the “submissive”
emphasizes “a power differential between the two
can say “no” at any time, but this does not seem to
individuals, which may be expressed through S/m
matter during her “punishments.” Ana acknowl-
or bondage and discipline” (Freeburg & McNaugh-
edges that at times she enjoys them, but often
ton, 2017). Examples of this would be tying arms
becomes upset afterward leaving her feeling pow-
and legs to secure objects, which is prevalent in
erless and robbed of choice. Reviewing the books
the series. Throughout the BDSM community it is
12
|
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
known that the SCC model (safe, sane, consensu-
the “kink” community. For some this can provide
al) or the RACK model (Risk Aware Consensual
an opportunity to openly discuss other activities
Kink) should be established prior to engaging in
that might enhance their sexual relationships and
these sexual activities. These models were put into
encounters. On the other hand, the movie por-
place to ensure consent prior to engagement, pro-
trays “the denigrative stereotype that an interest in
vide established limits and boundaries, recogniz-
BDSM, kink or fetishes is derivative of childhood
ing risks (emotional and physical), and to discuss
abuse or qualifies someone as mentally–ill”
outcomes of the potential risks (Stein, 2002).
(Schrupp, 2015, para. 9). This is apparent in the film when they discuss Christian’s trauma–filled
Christian identifies as a “sadistic Dom,” meaning
past with his BDSM lifestyle. The film suggests that
that he “receives pleasure from inflicting pain”
BDSM is a “psychopathology rooted in trauma”
(Freeburg & McNaughton, 2017). However, while it
(Freeburg & McNaughton, 2017). By treating this
seems that Ana may enjoy some of these activities,
choice of lifestyle as something that is a mental
“she does not seem to derive much pleasure from
illness, people begin to see it as a perversion that
receiving pain” (Freeburg & McNaughton, 2017).
needs diagnosed, treated and cured, despite stud-
Christian engages in sexual activities without
ies showing that “kinksters are psychologically
adhering to the models of SCC or RACK, which
balanced, have beneficial personality characteris-
means he does not have her consent. With the
tics, and possess higher levels of well–being than
inaccurate depiction that Fifty Shades of Grey has
their vanilla counterparts” (Wismeijer & Van Assen,
presented of the BDSM world, it seems that those
2013, p. 111).
who do accept the choice of BDSM are misrepresented by “negative stereotyping and an overall
For what it’s worth, the DSM–V contains disorders
complete misunderstanding of their sexual inter-
such as Sexual Masochism disorder and Sexual
actions” (Green, 2015).
Sadism disorder with the main criteria being that the “fantasies, urges, or behaviors cause clinically
While some may be excited about BDSM being
significant distress or impairment in social, occu-
thrust into the spotlight, they do not realize that
pational, or other important areas of functioning,
popularity of the topic does not necessarily imply
or, more significantly, if physical or psychological
that people will be accepting of it. Indeed, the films
suffering has been inflicted on a non–consenting”
have created a paradox for those who are a part of
person (APA, 2013).
JAN / FEB 2018
|
13
However, with such a negative outlook on the
the collective understanding, mean the pendulum
BDSM lifestyle it is not uncommon for a person to
of human sexual desires swings too wide and far to
feel distress over the urges they experience. More-
be effectively contained or explained. With the
over, is it actually the urges causing the distress or
exception of laws that understandably prevent
the societal disapproval of the urges? Despite the
harm coming to innocent people, what further
claim from some that Fifty Shades of Grey somehow
explanation do we need?
legitimizes or elevates the discussion about sex, BDSM, and partner–on–partner violence, it may be
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
deeply impacting those of the BDSM community
Cassandra Moffat is an Evalua-
into thinking that they and their choices are some-
tor Clinician at Resolve Crisis
how equated with pathology.
Network. She has worked in the mental health field since 2012
Human sexuality and sexual behavior is a far more
in varying capacities. Cassandra
multifaceted thing than any psychological theory or
graduated from the University
study can accurately reflect. Sex and sexuality is a
of South Florida with a Bachelor’s in Psychology
response to our being needed, wanting love, and
and recently graduated from Carlow University
an acknowledgement of our physical existence with
with a Master’s in Professional Counseling. She is
others. The complexity of the human psyche and
currently a first year doctorate student pursing a
the pervasiveness of sex, both in our minds and in
degree in Counseling Psychology.
REFERENCES American Psychiatric Association. (2013). Diagnostic and statistical manual
Schrupp, L. (2015, February 14). Beyond 50 Shades of Grey: Are kink and BDSM
of mental disorders (5th ed.). Washington, DC: Author.
following in the footsteps of the LGBTQ movement? [Online forum]. Retrieved from https://collectively.org/article/50-shades-of-grey-lgbtq-gay-rights/
Bonomi, A. E., Altenburger, L. E., & Walton, N. L. (2013). “Double Crap!” Abuse and Harmed Identity in Fifty Shades of Grey. Journal of Women's
Stein, D. (2002). Safe sane consensual: The making of a shibboleth. [Online
Health, 22(9), 733-744. doi:10.1089/ jwh.2013.4344
editorial]. Retrieved from http://www.boybear.us.scc.pdf
Foley, J., Luca, M. D., James, E. L., Brunetti, D., & Viscidi, M. (Writers). (2017).
Taylor-Wood, S., Luca, M. D., James, E. L., Brunetti, D., & Marcel, K. (Writers).
Fifty Shades Darker [Video file].
(2015). Fifty shades of Grey [Video file].
Freeburg, M. N., & Mcnaughton, M. J. (2017). Fifty shades of Grey: implica-
Wismeijer, A. A., & Van Assen, M. A. (2013). Psychological characteristics of
tions for counseling BDSM clients. VISTAS online. Retrieved April 10, 2017 .
BDSM practitioners. Journal of Sexual Medicine, 10(8), 1943-1952. doi:10.1111/jsm.12192
Green, E. (2015, February 10). Consent isn’t enough: The troubling sex of Fifty Shades. The Atlantic. [Online newspaper]
14
|
THE ACCIDENTAL EXISTENTIALIST
PUBLISHER Don Laird EDITORS Don Laird Pilar Brown DESIGNER Pilar Brown CONTRIBUTORS Dr. Paul T.P. Wong Don Laird, MS, NCC, LPC, DCC Cassandra Moffat, MS PHOTOGRAPHY Photos courtesy Unsplash.com CONTACT www.eTalkTherapy.com/contact Do you have an idea for a article, would you like to contribute to our magazine, or do you have an interest in learning more about The Accidental Existentialist? We are always on the look out for topics to discuss, explore and amuse. The Accidental Existentialist is a trademark of eTalkTherapy, LLC. Unless otherwise indicated, all content and designs © Copyright 2018 eTalkTherapy™ and eTalkTherapy.com. All rights reserved.
Photograph by Matthew Sleeper @ Unsplash.com
This magazine does NOT provide medical advice. The content is for entertainment purposes only. Consult with your doctor on all medical issues regarding your condition and treatments. The Content is NOT intended to be a substitute for professional, psychiatric or medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment, nor does it replace the need for services provided by a medical or psychiatric professional. Always seek the advice of a medical professional, psychiatrist or therapist before making any changes to your treatment.
JAN / FEB 2018
|
15
Photograph by Nathan Anderson @ Unsplash.com CONNECT WITH US ON SOCIAL MEDIA Check us out on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Linkedin and other social networks. Or contact us directly online at eTalkTherapy.com.