mil ĂŞ
lim t
r
by ethel gutmann
e
the brief, in case.
i call my project, mil lim être. because i am trying to be. because i am not defined, yet. because i need the words, [to outline the measures] because words define sense because words confine means because words refine sense because words have needs because words do deeds. through them, i find my heart. with them, i refine my art. likewise. mil lim être is a light motif, but. it’s a leitmotiv. mil lim être is a pattern, but. it’s a partner.
so, to say about my pattern, i will speak about a partner, - Peter Gutmann. this is the story, he is an homonym, he invented a formula, the Gutmann Overwrite Method. the Gutmann Overwrite Method is an algorithm for securely erasing the contents [of computer hard drives], such as files. i was frightened and seduced by his idea. i felt related. i recognized a relation. sometimes i suffer from it, [unconsciously, - but methodologically.] i take it as a load. i erase the data, [i am sorry for presenting only a portion of my videos, but the other part crashed with my computer], i misread the dates [i am sorry for my late application, but my memory recorded another deadine], i mislead the depths [i am weary, but i don’t stop digging -in -up -out -gold], i misinterpret the duets [they worry me, but i don’t stop approaching -to, -too, -two], i misunderstand the dots [i am worried, but i try to keep in line], i miss the odds [i have opportunities, but i test and border the lines], i missevaluate the deeds, [i am guilty, but i promise i confessed], i misjudge the needs, [i have arguments, but i promise to disagree], i underweigh the days, [i have conflicts, but i process to find peace], i oversee the doubts, [they confuse me, but i try to stay focused], therefore, the Method talks to me. sometimes i grow from it. [i try not to believe in superstition, - not to trust fatality.] i take it as a lead.
it always drags me to rebuild the foundations, it always draws me to rethink the drafts. it always drives me to rewrite the story, it always drifts me to redefine the direction. maybe different, maybe better. surely, deeper. rewriting the [his]-story probably helps me finding it more poetical. more acceptable. more assessable. more accessible. more acknowledgeable. i think i hate this man as much as i love him. as erasing data, disguising clues, forgetting items, deleting files, masking faces, loosing memories, with no possible recovering, no traces, no Memory. makes me question. how to live with memories? how to live without memories? and creates a conflict. i think i hate this man as much as i love him. because, to move on means also to move one from being moved, by one, from one,
through one, beyond one. through generations. ... i hope this is a removable response. i hope this Method has been interrogated and securely removed. for obvious safety reasons. because he is a one, too.,- in dis/re/covery. i hate him for making the effacement possible, i love him for the same reason. i hate him for assuming that data could be lost, i love him for the same reason. i hate him for dishonouring the traces and the loss, i love him for the same reason. i wonder how one would want to delete everything, i wonder how one could live with clutter everywhere. maybe he was a fragilized one. maybe he was in need, too. maybe he needed, in deed, to forget the places, name the faces, face the names, frame the forgiveness, claim the oblivion, blame the abandonment, scale the acceptance, adapt the resilience, adopt the resolutions, adjust the frequence, trust the freedom, witness the presence, accept the absence,
conquer the existence, connect the sense, consider the resemblance, complete the confidence. murmur, in strict confidence. shade, share. with or without the clutter. with or without the cutter. i am sure, Peter Gutmann has looked closely, i am sure, Peter Gutmann is a close relative. [i think i would like to be him, to feel the rhythm of discovering an algorithm.] i am sure, that, the past cannot stand still, in the future.i am sure, that, i must pass by the Master Programme [M.F.A.] in my future.because, i want a framework. i want a frame to work in-, with. i want to frame myself in an bigger institution. i want to leave my so-far working studio, my bedframe. my bed is too squared for my vision, i want to measure my eye to a new level in hierarchy. i want to resist to the work in solo, i want to refer to the working souls, i want to detect the sole mates, and to encounter.
i believe a Master frame is needed, to fit the dimension of the ideal progress, to fit the dedication of the ideal programme. to fit the dispersion of the ideal promise. i know, it’s a master class, and it feels like a must-do path. i want to fit in. i want to fit to measure, i want to flutter the he-art. i want to flatter the star-t-s. i am ready for an adventure. i see it as a holy venture, i see it as a homy picture, a chance. i see it as a home. a bless for growing. a space to face. a face to place. a surface to pace. a source. a ressource. a spring. a root, the route. a more. the for. an asset, an access to assess, and witness the best address to nest. a niche.
a dwell. a residence. a resonance an influence on existence. a place where, it is a must to master the emotions, a place where, it is encouraged to address the questions to the answers. through the others.
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if, if i don’t get in, i can try to join the police, and become a detective, or a criminal. and maybe the two. i don’t have a clue. it’s an other option, to share a cell.