The Hackett family is pleased to provide this magazine as an educational gift to you. The articles were written by Lori Hackett-Long and Jackie LaCrouxi. The articles express Lori’s thoughts, philosophy and education she has obtained over the many years serving in the senior care field of work. They hope you enjoy reading them. Herman and Gail Hackett made their dreams a reality in 1971 when they opened Greenbrier. Through
the years, their family has grown Greenbrier into one of the finest retirement communities in northwest Oklahoma. Greenbrier Village is uniquely designed to provide the most appropriate level of housing and services through each of its five levels of care: Burgundy Place (Senior Independent Apartments), Assisted Living, The Homes of Greenbrier, Rogers Home (memory support) and Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation Center. 1
Growing Through The Years With
Grace: Learning How To Cope
by Jacqueline Hince Photos by Nancy Killam
“Life is ten percent what happens to you and ninety percent how you react to it.” -- Charles R. Swindoll Life is full of challenges. Every day we are confronted with problems and difficulties to overcome. No one is immune to tragedy and although we cannot always control what happens in life we can control how we react to it. “A normal part of living for all ages is coping with challenges, problems, stresses; whether good or bad,” explains Lori Long. “You have to cope every day. The world is changing. Your life is changing every day.” She goes on to say that the pro-
cesses we use to handle these changes are called coping mechanisms. Long, who is an active member of her family’s business, Greenbrier Village, has a passion for helping people, especially the elderly, find ways to deal with daily stresses and challenges. Though Long says typically the coping mechanism one uses is an automatic response, it doesn’t have to be that way. “If we understand what some coping mechanisms are,” explains Long, “we can first identify them and then
Mattie Wilcox & Barbie Rich learn to control them.” There are both negative and positive coping mechanisms. Negative reactions include “regression” or dealing with people and situations by regressing back to childish behavior and “projection”. “Projection is projecting your feelings onto someone else,” explains Long. “For instance if you’ve had a disappointment or stressful day you may
maintain your pleasant attitude to friends and co-workers but once a family member or spouse walks in, you just let it all go and project your frustration and anger upon that person.” Long goes on to say that if you demonstrate these behaviors, it should alert you that you need to find better ways to cope. Positive coping mechanisms include insight, faith, humor or reminiscing. The “in-
sight technique” enables you to ask an upset person if they’re having a hard time. The goal is for the two of you to talk openly together. “Just listen and listen very closely,” says Long. “Then reflect back what they just told you. You do not need to solve their problems. You do not need to give them an answer. What they need to cope is to know that someone has listened to them and someone
understands them.” Coupling her experience and educational training, Long believes that faith is a very important coping mechanism used daily for many individuals. Families, friends and caregivers can encourage religious people to lean on their faith by sharing scripture promises and other words of faith. Over the years Long has observed how older adults need spiritual encouragement through continued support and visits. Reverend Don Johnson is the associate pastor at the Central Chris-
tian Church in Enid and volunteers much of his time meeting the religious needs of residents at Greenbrier. He often sees people who are dealing with loss lean on their faith. “Through prayer and worship a person can turn away from the pressing situation, allow yourself to be calm, and then three things come from this. One is guidance on difficult decisions, the second thing is encouragement to put those decisions into action and the third is strength to complete those actions.” Reverend Johnson says not only do people
turn to God in times of need, but they can also turn to other members of their church and their faith leader for support. “I think when you have a relationship with God, with people in the congregation and with a faith leader the advice you get is advice you can trust.” Using humor to cope can provide some release for you when in a tense situation. “Humor helps us all unite in our humanness of dealing together with a little more light hearted attitude,” says Long. However she
Bert Sims, Gene Woelke & Rev Don Johnson praying together
cautions you to use humor only if the person in need uses it. Lastly there’s reminiscing. Reminiscing is when you express or talk about former events, recollections or accomplishments. “For instance, if it is the birthday or anniversary of a loved one who is no longer living or one of the ‘firsts’ after a significant other has passed; the reminiscing of that person is a coping mechanism that adds warmth, comfort and love,” says Long. Though Long says every person at every age must use coping mechanisms to deal with day to day life, she says as we grow older
Rev Don Johnson & Clo Rine saying the Lord’s Prayer
we often have more challenges and issues to cope with. As you age your body may have more issues for you to work through and loss sadly happens more frequently. She says that’s why it’s important you learn to identify the different types of coping mechanisms now and continually work to employ more positive methods. “You can learn to help yourself, you can help your children and you can even direct the older people in your family to have more positive ways of coping and dealing with situations. That in turn will help you and your loved ones learn to grow more gracefully through the years.”
Shanna Knight & Clo Rine - Enjoying a nice moment of Reminising.
Growing Through The Years With
Grace: The Agreement by Jacqueline Hince Photos by Nancy Killam A new study has found that honesty may truly be the best policy. We’ve all heard the familiar quote. Now new findings in the “Science of Honesty” presented at this year’s American Psychological Association’s 120th Annual Convention say people who work to tell the truth have better mental and physical health. This article suggests it also improves the health of your relationships. Though most would agree honesty is important in all relationships, Lori Long says when it comes to communicating with older generations, being open and truthful is imperative. “Over the last thirty-two years I have seen families struggle when communicating with their older parents,” observes Long. “We have to come up with this idea that to honor and respect one another we have to allow an
older person to communicate honestly what they need and accept that.” Long has studied the process of aging for years. She has her masters in Gerontology, has written a book on the subject and is an active member of her family’s business Greenbrier Village. In order to promote healthy communication in her own family, Long created something she calls “The Agreement”:
I agree to communicate honestly with you. When I offer something I truly mean it and when I accept one of your offers I do so because I want to. My actions will be genuine. I will not do or say anything out of feelings of guilt or obligation. In turn, you must be honest with me. Whether you are accepting an offer or asking for something, your responses and actions will reflect what you truly desire. We do this to honor and respect each other and our relationship. (Readers will notice “The Agreement” is on the postcard attachment found within these pages.)
The only rule of “The Agreement” is that you both have to follow it. You can do that by gently reminding each other from time to time that your offers or actions are sincere. Long has been employing her theory on “The Agreement” in her own life for nearly eight years now. “It’s really changed the relationship with my parents. It allows me to honor my parents and yet be able to be honest with them and say, ‘I’m worried’ or ‘I want to know what are you thinking?’ ” You can use “The Agreement” when deciding something as simple as offering to buy
4
groceries or when discussing certain legal issues like Advance Directives and Power of Attorneys. In fact, Long says when having those necessary conversations, it’s essential you use it. “Life expectancy has increased since 1940,” says Long. “Back then it was forty-seven years old. Today people live to be an average of seventy-eight. So you can see why it’s so important to talk openly about what needs to be in place. We have to get over the idea this is a ‘morbid’ discussion. It is a natural part of the life cycle and for those that are getting older, especially
those of faith, this is not the end but the beginning.” Long says repeatedly she sees aging adults battle between feeling like they may be interfering with the busy lives of their children or, on the opposite end of the spectrum, that their children will misunderstand their needs and take away their independence. Fears that she says can be resolved by talking candidly using “The Agreement”. “You will be relieved of worry, you will be relieved of guilt and relieved that no one is going to take away your independence and yet you’ll still
Shirley Campbell, Doris Foresman & Ken Campbell
Erikson’s Psychosocial Stages Summary Chart Erik Erikson described development that occurs throughout the lifespan. Learn more in this chart summarizing Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development.
Stage • Basic Conflict • Important Events Outcome
Infancy (birth to 18 months) Trust vs. Mistrust • Feeding Children develop a sense of trust when caregivers provide reliabilty, care, and affection. A lack of this will lead to mistrust.
feel comfortable relying on each other,” explains Long. Throughout the various stages of life we all have different needs to be met. Notice in the diagram of Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development from the minute we’re born to our last hour we have certain expectations. If they are not met, we face feelings of mistrust, despair, failure and the list goes on. Many of the things in the diagram require us to rely on our family and loved ones. Though no family is perfect, it is important to try and bridge any gaps with those closest to you, so that as you age you can lean on one another. One way to do that is to start employing “The Agreement” now with all your relationships. Long says in the end, being completely transparent with one another can only make you closer. “It doesn’t mean that we interfere with each others’ lives,” concludes Long, “it just allows us to share each others’ lives.”
Early Childhood (2 to 3 years) Autonomy vs. Shame and Doubt • Toilet Training Children need to develop a sense of personal control over physical skills and a sense of independence. Success leads to feelings of autonomy, failure results in feelings of shame and doubt. Preschool (3 to 5 years)
Initiative vs. Guilt • Exploration Children need to begin asserting control and power over the environment. Success in this stage leads to a sense of purpose. Children who try to exert too much power experience disapproval, resulting in a sense of guilt.
School Age (6 to 11 years)
Industry vs. Inferiority • School Children need to cope with new social and academic demands. Success leads to a sense of competence, while failure results in feelings of inferiority.
Adolescence (12 to 18 years)
Identity vs. Role Confusion • Social Relationships Teens need to develop a sense of self and personal identity. Success leads to an ability to stay true to yourself, while failure leads to role confusion and a weak sense of self.
Life Expectancy Since 1960 to 2010
Young Adulthood (19 to 40 years)
80 40 0 1960
2010
Intimacy vs. Isolation • Relationships Young adults need to form intimate, loving relationships with other people. Success leads to strong relationships, while failure results in loneliness and isolation.
Middle Adulthood (40 to 65 years) Generativity vs. Stagnation • Work and Parenthood Adults need to create or nurture things that will outlast them, often by having children or creating a positive change that benefits other people. Success leads to feelings of usefulness and accomplishment, while failure results in shallow involvement in the world. Maturity (65 to death)
Ego Integrity vs. Despair • Reflection on Life Older adults need to look back on life and feel a sense of fulfillment. Success at this stage leads to feelings of wisdom, while failure results in regret, bitterness, and despair.
5
Growing Through The Years With
Grace:
Becoming a “Survivor” by Jacqueline Hince Photos by Cammeron Kaiser
“Beautiful young people are accidents of nature, but beautiful old people are works of art.” --Eleanor Roosevelt As the years tick by many of us are guilty of trying to turn back the clock or at least slow it down. Magazine pages are often littered with anti-aging secrets, creams and tips. However, Dr. Tom Snyder, the Medical Director at Greenbrier Village, says the key to aging gracefully isn’t found in a package. “The secrets to healthy aging are all common knowledge now. Good life habits, the more exercise
the better, stay socially and spiritually involved, take care of medical needs and preventative health. Successful aging doesn’t come in a bottle. It is not a supplement. It is more of a lifestyle.” Dr. Snyder has a unique view of the elderly population. As a doctor for nearly thirty years, and the medical director at Greenbrier Village for more than twenty, he has seen firsthand the physical and emotional
Dr Snyder with the Admission director Bobbie Jo Sutton and resident Glenda Hazelton effects aging has on the body. That’s why he calls the older generation “survivors”. He says they’re the tough ones among us. “They have made it through childhood illnesses, and the struggles of adolescence. They have made it through the pitfalls of the mid-part of life, like substance abuse or things like accidents or violence. Some of it
6
is genetic, some of it is good luck and some of it is lifestyle,” mulls Snyder. Therefore the elderly are the pioneers among us. They are “survivors” who have defeated many of life’s challenges. They have amazing qualities like stamina and a sense of resilience. Which begs the question, are there things you can do to become a survivor?
Dr. Snyder says there are steps you can take to work to prolong your life and ensure you have a better quality of life. In his experience the two greatest struggles among aging populations is isolation and depression. Isolation, because it can become harder to keep or form new relationships and depression often stems from physical
pain. “Aging is not for sissies,” says Dr. Snyder. “It involves a lot of pain, it involves some rejection, it involves change and that all sounds like junior high.” He says it’s imperative to keep and maintain friends, have an active social life, stay involved in your church and try to maintain strong relationships with your children or grandchildren. “That can really make a difference,” says Dr. Snyder. Other actions that can make a difference include eating healthy, exercising regularly, visiting the doctor to get checkups as well as getting plenty of rest each night. “Aging gracefully has much more to
do with common sense then it has to do with an unhealthy lifestyle or trendy medical or nutritional entities,” reiterates Snyder. Dr. Snyder says by taking steps now, you are preparing your body to battle the inevitable challenges and struggles that come with age. Dementia is the number one reason the elderly seeks refuge in nursing homes, yet studies show physical activity may reduce dementia by as much as fifty percent. Dr. Snyder cites dementia as the main culprit for falls in the elderly as well. He suggests children of aging parents ensure their mother or father carry a cell phone
Dr Snyder with Director of Nursing Brandi Davidson, MDS Karen Swank and Resident Evelyn Radcliffe at all times to alert others if they take a tumble. Falling is also one of the first signs that aging parents may soon need assistance. However, it’s important to research the various levels of support available to your loved ones. Aging populations can get family and friend support to stay at home, or they may find a better fit in independent senior or assisted living. Skilled nursing homes are also available to provide round the clock care.
When it comes time to deciding if loved ones need extra support, there is a list of “activities of daily living” that can help you determine the functional status of a loved one. “Things like their ability to prepare food, get in and out of the bathroom, wash clothes, maintain their home, get the newspaper, keep from falling, pay their bills,” explains Snyder. ADL’s are the best way to gauge whether it’s time to move into a senior
independent apartment, assisted living or nursing home. Dr. Snyder encourages you to consult with a doctor if you’re concerned. In the end, Dr. Snyder emphasizes that no matter our age we are all still young at heart. We must take each day as a gift and live life to the fullest. “All humans have an eternal soul,” concludes Dr. Snyder. “So they’re basically young their whole life, because life is a small chapter of an eternal soul’s existence.”
7
Growing Through The Years With
Grace:
Eat…Drink…& Age Gracefully by Jacqueline Hince Photos by Nancy Killam
“One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.” - Virginia Woolf A Room of One’s Own
If there were a way to calculate how many times the phrase “eat your vegetables,” is muttered each day it likely would top popularity charts. Mothers tell children to gobble up their greens, doctors and dieticians hammer patients with the request and nearly every article about how to fight aging, lose weight or get healthy requires a plate full of produce. Vegetables, fruit, whole grains and low-fat dairy are considered some of the best anti-aging foods but Syd Smith says that doesn’t mean you have to give up the occasional guilty indulgence.
“It’s all about balance and moderation.”
Smith is the Dietary Consultant at Greenbrier Village and manages the residents and patients throughout Greenbrier’s five levels of care including Burgundy Place, Assisted Living, Nursing Home, Rogers Home and Skilled Nursing and Rehabilitation. Smith has worked at Greenbrier for eighteen years. This year the Oklahoma Association of Health Care Providers named her the 2013 Dietician of the Year and honored her with the 2013 Super Hero for Dietary Award.
Syd Smith, Assisted Living – Ilamae Terrell Though Smith says moderation and portion control are a huge issue for all ages, when talking about older more fragile generations, what you eat and how much you eat plays a direct role in your health. “Oh, diet is critical,” emphasizes Smith. “Medicine is very important, all the treatments we do are very important but you have to maintain
a healthy intake and diet to build those cells and tissues back up and to maintain a healthy function in your entire being.” When a new client comes to Greenbrier Smith assesses their condition. Each new resident has individual needs but Smith says the most common issue she sees is seniors eliminating certain foods from their diet. “If they’ve been at home and they haven’t been
cooking for themselves then they may have stopped eating a variety of things and instead they just made what was easy, or if they come in and they’re having trouble chewing then they may have left out meats and vegetables and other foods that are harder to chew. They may limit fluid intake because they are nervous they’ll have an accident.” Smith says even in these situations it is important
to have a well-rounded diet. She suggests those struggling consult a doctor or registered dietician to find a way to ensure they’re getting all the nutrients they need. In 2011, the Department of Agriculture created the “My Plate” campaign to push Americans to fill their plates with vegetables, fruit, protein, grains and dairy at meals. “My Plate” focuses on things like consuming whole fruits full of fiber rather than just drinking juice, picking green leafy vegetables filled with antioxidants over ones topped with gravy and butter, and eating whole grains instead of their processed white flour counterparts. It also suggests you get protein from beans or legumes as well as meat. Drinking plenty of water throughout the day to avoid dehydration is a must. Smith says following “My Plate” to eat better will have a positive effect on nearly every aspect of your health. “Although it depends on that person and what they’re condition is, often within a couple weeks of following a better diet people feel better,” reiterates Smith. “They’re more hydrated which can even effects how clearly you think, they have more energy and they’re more willing to participate in activities.” It can affect your emotional health as well. In order to encourage their clients to follow a well balanced diet, in 1996 Greenbrier Nursing Home began a cultural change they call “Welcome Home”. The goal is to transform their nursing home from more institutionalized care to feeling as though you’re in your own house. As part of their effort to create that home-like living space for aging residents Smith revamped the dining room to make it more of a café setting. Residents are now given menus each day and have a number of choices they can make when it comes to what they eat and when. Smith says it’s made a huge difference, “Everybody likes to still be able to make those choices and have that control in their life and so I think it’s made them feel better about that. They just like the freedom of it and like coming in at different times. I feel like they eat better.” Smith encourages the elderly living independently or with a caretaker to look for ways to make eating healthy readily accessible.
Homes of Greenbrier – Melba Best, Syd Smith Pick up fresh produce every week, join a service such as “Meals on Wheels” or go grocery shopping for your loved one to make sure fresh fruits and vegetables are on hand. For those with aging parents, finding time for you or someone else to go over and cook healthy meals your parent can simply re-heat may aid them in following a healthier meal plan. “Having those things on hand, having fruits and vegetables there where that person can have that readily available to them means they’re going to eat better,” encourages Smith. Eating better means you’ll feel better to continue growing through your years with grace. References For Article: helpguide.org www.choosemyplate.gov
Burgundy Place Patsy Shepard, Jennifer Moore, Annie Roberts, Misty Rowden, Sharon Wagner, Tracie Brennan, Syd Smith, Gina Howe
9
9
Growing Through The Years With
Grace: Family Matters by Jacqueline Hince Photos by Nancy Killam
“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” - Jane Howard
Family: they have their moments of encouragement, their moments of laughter and their moments of utter craziness, yet that core group of loved ones are the people who will most likely carry our love, heritage and legacy on long after we leave this earth. Now more than ever it’s imperative you embrace your family and spend time not only getting to know them but allowing them to truly know you. Lori Long is a firm believer that as you age and progress in life, and as your descendents multiply, it is crucial you pass along your core values to the generations behind you. Long, whose family founded Greenbrier Village has seen time and again how family can
be the one constant in your life. Jobs come and go, friends can move away, but no matter the distance, family often stays close. “Everyone in the family hopefully looks up to the older people, they honor and respect them. With that comes responsibility. That’s why we’re never retired. We might be retired from a career or an organization, but in life we’re never retired. There’s always something we can teach to our family,” says Long. Long holds a Master’s in Gerontology, and has taught on both the state and university level but she says much of her knowledge in life comes from her own experiences and from watching her parents.
Herman Hackett, Cathy Burkhardt, Louise Rapp & Jeanice Grajales Long says though lessons and education can be learned, wisdom has to be earned. Over the years, life’s situations and the environment around us shape the wisdom each of us holds dear. “Life is marvelous; a marvelous adventure,” mulls Long. “We are all learning our own wisdom that we can then pass down.” Now more than ever it is critical that you take the necessary actions to pass that wisdom down. Long cites her own parents as
a prime example of the values that can travel through the lines. Raised in the tiny town of Trousdale, Okla. (a town which no longer exists) her parents met in grade school. As teenagers, her father worked on the family farm and her mother, not only helped raise her four siblings, but also taught school. Over the years Long’s parents have described their childhood to Long, how they used to grow and save most of their food, as well as what entertainment they had back then.
Long’s folks have been married sixty years now and are still devoted, committed and incredibly loving towards one another. Long’s parents excelled at passing down stories, and inadvertently, lessons to the younger generations in their family. “They taught us from their own life experiences,” explains Long. “They taught us that we can make our life both meaningful and purposeful. They taught us to have enjoyment in relationships and how to have
Lori Long, Branden Hackett, Herman Hackett & Steve Hackett character. They taught us that there are just some things in life, very precious things, that you just can’t buy.” Long, who began working with her parents shortly after college, says her passion for service also comes from her parents. Her father, taking note of the graying of America and the need for safe, nurturing homes for the elderly, opened Greenbrier in 1971. Long says working alongside her father she often witnessed how he would treat others and that he always took time to serve others. “Even in the toughest of times, I’ve always felt like if it’s in our power to do good, then do it. That’s a lesson that comes from my parents,” recalls Long. Long recognizes that not all families have the kind of strength and togetherness her parents were able to instill in her. Many families have scars and past hurts that cloud gatherings and strain relationships. Growing through the years with grace can often mean softening your heart and forgiving others or asking others to forgive you. “We need forgiveness and to move on – we’re all going to be disappointed by other human beings,” says Long. “At some point, even if they don’t ask for forgiveness, we must forgive and have a sense of restoration in our own lives and in relationships. We cannot change other people but we can change ourselves.” There are a number of ways to spark a conversation with your family and begin passing on your heritage and wisdom. Ideally we each should strive to be living examples of character and integrity, however even then, it is still important to keep open lines of communication. Long encourages Greenbrier clients to take interest in what’s going on in their families lives. “It seems simple but our words have power!” says Long. “They have the power to lift up, encourage, heal, but they also have the power to tear down and destroy.” As for younger generations, you too can make a point of calling older members regularly and show interest, concern, support and love. Another way to pass down family heritage is by writing out short stories from your past. Below are four topics you can write out and give to your family. Younger members can also use the topics to ask
questions of older members. Use these prompts to open up to your family and take time together. Especially with the holidays coming, make this your gift to share: 1. Write a short essay or simply discuss where you were born, how many brothers’ sisters you have, a memory of your parents and what was it like during your childhood 2. Talk about a favorite story/memory about being married (if you were) and having kids (if you did) 3. Did you have a career or special hobby, something that motivated you each day? Talk about what it was that you learned or enjoyed from that experience. 4. If you were to look at your life, and the things you’ve experienced, what is it that you want to share with your family that’s going to be handed down for the next generation? Write down a couple points of wisdom you’ve learned over your life for your family. Long says taking time for each other, be it over long distance calls, letters, or face to face conversations, lets your family know they are your priority. “Older people that are engaged in their families and are still thriving, those are older people we call inspirations,” says Long. “They are mentors that model the core belief that family matters, wisdom matters and heritage matters.”
Janet Kendall, Iretta Terrel & Mike Weatherford
Greenbrier Properties
Burgundy Place
1600 W. Willow - Enid - 580-233-8993
Assisted Living
1217 E. Garriott - Enid - 580-233-1331
The Homes
Secure Senior Apartment Living - One & two bedroom apartments available - 24 hour security - All bills paid including cable tv - Guest apartment for out of town company - Exercise room and planned activities - Full service dining & free transportation - Lifeline emergency response system - Weekly housekeeping & laundry service - Discount for Veterans Elegant and Affordable - 54 private rooms (kitchenette, living area, bedroom and private bath) - Full time Registered Nurse - Menu style dining in our Four Seasons Cafe’ - No endowment / No deposit - Social activities and therapy services - Full housekeeping & laundry service - Free transportation - Discount for Veterans
1119 E. Garriott - Enid - 580-233-0121
Finally a Home, Not Your Typical Nursing Home - The first Welcome Home model in Oklahoma, which transforms the institutional style of nursing home care to a true home setting - Enid’s only 5 star Nursing Home as rated by the Oklahoma Health Care Authority’s Focus on Excellence Program - Only contracted facility with VA in Northwest Oklahoma - Affordable private & semi-private rooms - Cafe style dining in the Rose Garden Cafe’
Rogers Home
A Home Offering Memory Support Services - Small home setting where routines are simple & familiar - My Best Friends Approach to Alzheimer’s & Dementia Care - 24 hour supervision - Secured entrances and exists - Daily enrichment activities - Private dining room serving three meals per day
1119 E. Garriott - Enid - 580-233-0121
Skilled Nursing & Rehabilitation
715 S. 10th - Enid, - 580-242-5104
- Full housekeeping & laundry service
A Temporary Stay with Lasting Results - Personalized care designed by staff physician, nursing and therapy personnel - All private rooms in our 27,000 sq. foot facility - Our patients experience 85% return to their original home - Admission 24 hours / 7 days a week - On-site physician clinic, lab & pharmacy - Independent from long term care services
The Homes of Greenbrier do not discriminate against any person on the basis of race, color, national origin, disability, or age in admission, treatment or participation in it programs, services and activities, or in employment. For more information about this policy, contact: 800-722-0353 (Voice/TTY).